Happy Walpurgis Night and Beltane!

Another Pagan Sabbath is around the corner, ready to be celebrated, and with it I prepare to take the message into my heart. The most part of the information you get - from the 101 point of view - talk to you about Beltane, but it wasn't until recently that I learned about Walpurgis Night. Then, given that I'd like to work out another topic for today (or more like a different approach), and yet I wanted to keep my Pagan Calendar updated, I decided to invoke the help of Walpurgis ^_^ for the task. It's late anyway - or late for me, so you'll be probably reading this entry already for Beltane - which is held on May 1st... though I've heard of May 2nd as well. (My trusty Witches' Datebook 2012 - which I of course got because I had to and it has been very useful in my research - places Beltane on the 1st.)

In the Wheel of the Year, Beltane marks the middle of the year, and is opposite to Samhain, which is the New Year of the witches or Pagans. It celebrates the coming of the summer, the begining of the longest days of the year, with hours and hours of light and sun. In Costa Rica you don't feel this all that much though you may notice (if you wake up early enough) that you have an extra 30 minutes of light at dawn and another extra at dusk. In Europe there's no mistaking when you notice that the sun is nowhere close to the horizon at 8 pm, and 4 pm and 7 pm look exactly the same.

For many Beltane is also a much favored celebration because it's about fertility. The courting of the Spring, the shy blooms are over and it's time to get the land and the stock pregnant. Time for sex, fire and passion related thoughts, intentions and activities. However lets take the line of thought we have been following through the other Sabbaths and think about this one as well as part of our life cycle. What is this celebration of fertility? It's a celebration of Labor, and as such, it's not so farfetched to imagine how Beltane and Labor's Day fall on one and the same day (in most countries). One is a celebration of sex and the other a celebration of work, of jobs as a dignified human activity that makes the world possible. It's also a day to celebrate the conquests of Labor, the social and labor guarantees that keep us from expliotion and from working in inhuman, abusive condition. From any angle you see it, it's a celebration - a happy and passionate celebration! - of fertility.

We have planned, prepared and with Beltane we go on the Fields and work them. On these long days, under this hard sun, many peasants worked from first light to last light on the fields, on meager food if any, taking care of the pregnant Mother Earth for from the good completition of her pregnancy all of us depend. From her dark, soft womb is born our bread, from it nurtures our meat. With the very passion of unleashed joy and gayness, we should work our projects, work the fields alotted to us, push ourselves, even if we still don't see the result, even if the impact of our work gets swallowed in an endless land of waying greens and yellows. The harvests will come, the results will always show, and now is the time when we can make the difference. Now is the time when we can give into it everything we have, do our best and try to surpass ourselves, show ourselves that yes, we can and we can go even further. Surprise yourself, impress yourself! Show yourself what are you made of and do the whole 9 and then add the extra mile!

Beltane is where the plans and preparations get in action. It's the time to show the passion, unleash the flame inside our souls.

Today we went to the Velence lake, where a friend of us has a lovely summer house. The place is in one  of the many little villages that ring the lake, and to my surprise, they had a May Tree. (To Sartassa: I guess you were right! Hungarians also celebrate the May Day!) It's not a pole like the May Pole, but rather a long, long, thin stick (probably from a very thin tree), with a few branches on top, which are richly decorated with colorful ribbons. This May Tree is located at a prominent area of the village, such as in front of the city hall or some place like that. Nobody would think that it's a Pagan thing (actually in this place the city hall was in front of the church and there seemed to be no problems with that), but an ancient tradition the village is very proud to keep.

After seeing this, and since my boyfriend repotted our plants, I decided to do my impromptu May Tree from a little stick that had been in one of the pots. (One of the plants we've got was a little gift from a wedding my boyfriend attended, and on the stick was a little paper bird with his name.) I took a few ribbons I had lying around and tied them securely on top of the stick, and then stuck it back in the new pot the plant received.

This is the moment to make things happen, so are you going to make things happen, or will you remain at the drawing desk, with the blueprints of your fabulous life?

Don't Forget Your Emergency Quirks!

There's something - probably something small that nobody would notice - that you can't live without, something that you must do or put on, or have around for the world to be ok. For some people it's the morning coffee, for others the handcream in the purse, or the working radio in the car. Some must have clean underwear on all the time, and make sure they always do by keeping an extra pair in their bags or cars "just in case" (like in case they are not spending the night over at their place, but partying with friends, or in the case of ladies, for the unprobable event of an "accident"). One of the most common such dependence is the mobil phone, and so people get insane if they don't have their phone at hand, or their laptop, tablet, smarphone or so. I've known also cases of people who can't be without their car keys even when they are not driving it.

There are a lot of things we need to carry around constantly, and feel bad if we don't have around, in a sort of abandoned, lacking state. Thanks to bags (or "being bags the culprits") women tend to carry insane amounts of things around that are all "of life or death importance", and which basically "keep the civilized world as we know it". My friend Dragonfly once posted in her blog pictures of the content of her bag, and I believe I replied back then with similar pictures. The experiment was interesting because we all had the chance to take a peek at what's pulling down our shoulders everyday. May men know it or not, many women actually talk sometimes about what they carry in their bags. (So, no, it's not a seven-seal secret, it's none of your business!) From the mandatory make-up bag (which contents vary depending on what you consider more important. There was a time a friend of mine and I carried two make-up bags: one with make-up, creams, tweezers and such, and another full of medicaments. From your everyday Ibuprofen for menstrual pain or headache, to prescription drugs the doctors sent us to manage the effects of the stress we were being subjected to - and my mandatory asthma medicines and supplies - we had a little arsenal that bordered illegal), to your agenda, a book to read (or kindle!), journal, wallet, public transportation pass (if you live in a place where you need or you can have one), glasses, sunglasses... there's a world in there you carry because you either peruse it often, or "just in case", and in those cases, even if you don't use them, it feels good to be prepared.

A common case with women is carrying around tampons and panty liners, or sanitary pads. You may not expect your period to come that day, but simply having these items in your bag with you everyday makes you feel safe and ready to tackle any situation. Also, there's actually a very good feeling when you can help someone in need with part of your supplies. Be able to help out a friend or a colleague at work with a painkiller, or a tampon, or with the emergency candy or snack you've been carrying for a moment of desperate hunger away from any food source (such as at a meeting, an important seminar or while waiting for something. Also at the job, when something urgent comes up and you have no time for lunch or dinner). If you can afford it, a granola or a cereal bar, maybe a pack of oreos, and a juice or a small bottle of coca-cola can be the difference for your friends, your colleagues and you. And how hard it is to carry a granola bar or a small redbull shot in your purse, or a bottle or water? Specially when now everybody carries a bottle of water and drinking it at meetings have become perfectly natural.

Yes well, though I consider all of those very important, and usually carry them around, there's one thing I always have to have and always carry around and even keep "emergency" spares in my bag: earrings.

I've got my ears pierced when I was twelve. My friends helped me get my ears pierced, and it was a life changing experience in my life. I had all kinds of earrings and all sorts of ear problems, such as the usual piercing inflamations and allergic reactions, and had the chance to wear some of the trendy earrings of that time (you know, that not-expensive trend that usually takes off among the youth) and made my first handmade earrings our of paperclips. My parents weren't really about ear-piercing, but once I've got them done, they were really supportive and did the legwork back them (way before the internet days) to get me good earrings, so I've got my first silver earrings (one pair because my folks didn't have much money in those days) and later on a couple of dolphin shaped gold studs.

Later on I bought my own earrings - usually of lesser materials and even plastic - which got me a really bad allergic reaction, after which I stopped using earrings for so long that the pierced holes disappeared. Around eighteen, I wanted to use earrings again, so one day I took one of my earrings, pressed my lobes between two ice cubes, and when the cold pain numbed them enough I pierced them through. By the way, I have really think earlobes, which is good if I want to use heavy earrings, but which is a pain for piercing.

Going through the self piercing - and that was quite a task that left me gasping for air after the deed was done - kind of made me more conscious about what I put in my ears and how I treat my earrings. This time around I was careful to follow the rules, and sought mostly to use noble metal earrings, such as gold, silver, platinum and surgical steel. I learned that the quality of the earrings mattered more than the quantity, and that I would win nothing having 10 thousand earrings that would infect my lobes, but it was better to have 10 that  were safe.

Naturally my collection of earrings grew through time, and certain "not-so-safe" pieces also made it into my collection, such as my coconut-shell earrings (though I replaced the hooks on one of them, for those I use to make earrings. After making many of my earrings, I've noticed that these hooks are quite safe. You can also buy surgical steel hooks for crafting. If you do jewelry either for yourself, for gifts or for sale, being able to offer earrings with hooks made of this material is a very big plus!), or beautiful wood carved earrings that come with hooks of unknown origins, and then are all those that have been made by the talented Dragonfly, and those made by myself.

Somewhere along the way, I became so attached to earrings, that the sole idea of leaving home without earrings is unthinkable. I have, and I've spend half a day in hell, constantly grabbing my lobes and feeling literally naked. I can go a day without my cellphone, I can go a day without my diary in my bag, or a day without a book (a very, very boring and horible day, but I can do it), but I can't go a day without earrings.

The few times it has happened, I've ran to the nearest store to buy myself earrings - anytype of earrings! - as long as I could feel clothed again. The same happens if I accidentally lose an earring: I search for the missing part desperately, holding the naked lobe, and if I don't find it, I break into the closest store and buy a new pair. As result of these terrible tragedies, I started carrying in my make up bag at least two - but often three - pairs of earrings. Why so many? For precaution. I've the little pearl studs that go with everything and are very discreet. Those are the main selection for any occasion, and mostly formal cases. Then I've a dangling green pair - very beautiful - that's still discreet, but a little more playful, less elegant, but casual. Finally I carry a couple of 1.5 inch silver hoops. Those are the elegant and sexy pair. I reserve those mainly for the cases where I need a quick makeover on my attire, and those kick up the look, add elegance and make a statement - something that doesn't work with everybody, but women with olive skin like me, can pull out wonderfully.

Earrings are a must in my bag and my life, so I make sure I'm well provided with them.

What about you? Any funny thing or ritual you can't leave home or start your day without?

It's Okay To Be You

From time to time - thanks Hyne not so often - we run into people who pose as something they are not. The funny thing is that there's actually nothing wrong with what they are or who they are, be it conditions, acquintances or so, but for some reason they need to pretend they are someone else. This often happens at work where someone tries to make others believe that they have a much higher position than they really have, or have a position different entirely than the one they do have. Happens also when people lie about their studies, and pretend to have - for instance - as Masters degree in something when they don't even have a flat our college diploma or any level, or haven't even started studies for that career.

I've known one too many cases of these - though I've also known the opposite case too, where people hide their higher diplomas in order to avoid getting too much attention from their coworkers, or awake any ill sense of inferiority from a superior who might feel threatened by a much well versed subalterb. However one thing is to KEEP information for yourself, and another is to cheat people making them believe you know more or have more power of decision than you really have.

There's people also who take this attitude to their personal life - to friends and family - and tell fake stories about how much money they really do, the people they really know, the friends they really have and the things they really like. People who will tell you that they have sucha great job they make this and this amount of money, and out of the blue, without even the question of money being an issue. Or those who would tell you which celebrity or known politician or journalist or famous writer do they know on personal or near personal basis, or even those who tell you know many friends they have, or the kind of friends they have.

Of course, one thing is when in the course of a conversation either of you happen to mention how much or how little they get paid, or that they've just got to meet some celebrity at a seminar (this "celebrity" is not necessarily George Clooney, but it may happen that you are, let's say a lawyer, and you've got invited to a seminar where the Attorney General or the President of the Country spoke, and maybe after you've got to shake his or her hand. For many of us, that's equal to meeting a celebrity, or even more important), or even that either of you realized you have 300 friends on Facebook, and they are all actual friends. Another thing is to insist on these matters, make a show out of them and basically try to validate yourself constantly through your acquintances about these things, whether they are real or not. 

How much you make at your job matters only to you, your employer and the people who economically depend on you. And to the IRS. Nobody really cares so much about who do you know and on what level, because if they are friending you or talking to you, is because they are interested in you. If they are not, well, you are kidding yourself, pretending to have the love or appreciation of people who sees you only as a tool. I have a penpal who told me that she saw a celebrity once and talked to her briefly. It was a blonde actress, but I can't recall which one. I can't remember either which of my penpals was her. Why? Because that's not what matters to me about her! Because I love her and enjoy her letters and love replying to them even if it takes me forever and ever and all eternity. She mentioned the celebrity sighting as a curiosity about herself, but not as her human value.

As for the number of your friends, take five seconds and tell me how many friends you have? Personally, I can't tell you. Hell, I can't even tell you how many penpals I have! Friends (and penpals) are not numbers, they are PEOPLE, wonderful angels sometimes, that God has put in your life to make it sparkle. Friends aren't even tested with pop-quizz questions like "what color are my eyes?" or "what's my middle name", but only time, and the experience can tell you if your friend has been a good friend or a bad friend. A bad friend could know the color of your eyes to perfection, the maiden name of your mom and the time of day you were born, but only a good, real friend feels right, offers you always honesty and loves you sincerely.

If you feel the need to push things or lie about them, something's wrong. If you have to fabricate stories or backgrounds, do something to look more special or anything... please think about what you are doing.

Life is kinda like fishing, in a way: whatever you get depends on the type of bait you use. So think about it.

Taking a Break in Vienna

Since my brother was visiting us in Budapest - well, he actually had other business to attend, but those matters were resolved quite fast - my boyfriend and I decided to take him to Vienna. For him it might be like a vacation inside a vacation, or a trip inside of a trip, and what a wonderful experience! After all, when you are visiting a place, ddon't you love it if you have the chance to visit other places too? ^_^ For us, on the other hand, it was a chance, or maybe an excuse to go visit a city we love very much (though I may love more than my boyfriend, since I really take any chance available to visit Vienna!). A city full of music, history, romance, art and endless beauty... and friends. Yes, one of my penpals lives here, but - unlike in other occasions - we couldn't get in contact, which prevented us from meeting as usual, for a good cup of coffee and a long and never ending conversation.

The city is blooming with the most wonderful flowers all over the place. I'm not very versed in botanics, but I can tell tulips from other types of flowers, and these are simply breath taking. It never ceases to amaze me how such beautiful flowers are kept in different parts of town and there's nobody damaging them, or taking them home, as it would happen in Costa Rica. Present in the most amazing colors, their sheer sight brings endless joy to the soul. It is at looking at these flowers that you get an understanding about the importance of flowers in one's life. Looking at them in the gardens, you understand their beauty, what they do for the scene, and why it's so awesome to get flowers as present, or buy a beautiful bouquet of them to arrange at your place. Hve you noticed how much a vase of flowers can do for a room?

This year was the first time - by the way - that I've ever seen pink and purple tulips. Aren't they something else?? In a matter of hours I became absolutely in love with tulips. I have heard of black tulips but have never seen them in real life still.

The weater changed quite some, getting much warmer than expected, and thus rendering the clothes I packed for myself pretty unadecuate. It is Spring, and this Spring has been acting a little bit cold, so of course I packed only long sleeve shirts. Well, it seems it changed its mind, or maybe egged by the coming of Beltane or May Eve, it decided to go on and heat up. As result, I was pretty much "compelled" to go get myself cooler clothes. I've a pretty thin pair of jeans, but I needed short sleeve tops for it, so without further ado, I went today at the shop under our lovely hotel - an Esprit - and got myself a lovely white blouse and two green tees... Sorry, but I really needed AND wanted those ^_^.

We took a walk close to the Prater, but didn't go much inside, because our main program was to visit the Schönbrunn, where I've got yet another book about Empress Sissi. Yes, yet another book. I hope it's not one of the same I've at home already, as sometimes the translations can be misleading, but if so, then I'll have a wonderful gift for a good friend in my hands.

As many of you know, currently I'm not working, though I can't be called unemployed for I'm on leave, so you may wonder that if I'm not working, if I'm waking up at any time I feel like, going to sleep at any time I feel like, and doing all day pretty much what I feel like, what do I need to take a break from. Well, though I love my Hungary and I'm crazy about my marvelous Budapest, it's good to change the scenary from time to time, get a new air, stretch your legs and change your perspective. And from the well learned streets, our favorite hotel (I'm including you the link of it because if you are planning on visiting Vienna, you should seriously consider staying at Hotel-Pension Continental. I've visited Vienna around 10 times by now, and only in two of them stayed at a different place... and regreted it every single time... both times), and our regular places, we've also discovered new and fabulous things. Learned about a concert program we will make sure to attend the next time, and with includes a fabulous mix of Mozart and Strauss, approached the Herrengasse from another direction, actually walked to the Stephansdom... and I discovered a statue of Schiller that had the power to undust the name from my memory and yearn to read him with the desperate urgency of sweet, firey, intellectual and emotional passion. One statue, and I was tumbling my Kindle for everthing I could foung in amazon.com about him and from him.

I wouldn't say that no particular thoughts have formed yet, no new lessons have been learned, but rather that many seeds have been planted in my soul from the tulips, the streets, the sweet sounding of Austrian German, sprinkled abundantly with sweet smiles and Sachertorte, and Schiller... oh master Schiller. I'll take these seeds to my resting palace, my Budapest, and there kindle them, cherish them and see what new thoughts spring from them.

With Vienna there's a simple thought, like a word wispered from the wise that keeps echoing inside me: "even in the well known and the rutinary you can always find something brand new to learn, if you are willing to".

Imposing

Yesterday I posted about how your pets or the elderly, sick people or those with different capabilities you care about, can be just as important and meaningful in your life as children are or are supposed to be for others. Well, this actually doesn't extend only to pets and sick, elderly or people with different capabilities, but basically to anyone or anything that inspires you to care and devote time and effort for. A plant, a forest, a group, a project, a book, a fundation, a charity, a believe, a religion... you name it. Indeed, it is quite difficult often to make others understand that something or someone other than a child that's your own flesh and blood, or legally adopted by you, can be really important for you and deserving of your time and attention. It is an up-hill struggle often at work and even in our social circles to make others understand that yes, taking care of your grandparents is something that means a lot to you, that you are not taking care of them to get the inheritance, but because you love them. It's hard to make people understand that the elderly or someone suffering an incapacitating illness are not a "hobby" of yours or that taking care of them isn't something you can do on your spare time, just like you would not be expected to seen and feed your children on your spare time.

It's hard to get people to understand that just because your dog or your cat or your hamster doesn't speak human, they are still not only very capable of showing love, but are tremendously skilled in provoking love in you. It is a hard battle, and we should remain strong, we shall keep pushing and staying our ground, to one day be understood and be accepted.

However, throigh this struggle, as always, there's people taking things to extreme ends. This is how people start trashing the rights of others and imposing not their own rights, but their attitude, and often on people who have nothing to do with the matter that bothers them at all. It is actually quite interesting how this is something observed often with parents, though the "priority of children" is accepted automatically in society. It's annoying when parents impose their children on perfect strangers at improper places, such as taking babies to movies rated PG-13 and over, and letting the child scream and cry while doing nothing to silence it. (I had one case of that, where an irresponsible mother took her child to the movies - it was Prince of Persia - and had the baby cry from the top of its lungs almost for the whole screening.) Parents taking unruly children to elegant restaurants where even the music is soft and muted so that people can talk, and where nobody expects children topping over theis wine glasses or pulling off their purses from the chairs and spill the contents on the floor. Parents often even impose their nosy children on their parents, and claim that the neighbours should be the ones adjusting to the children and silently enduring the noise and mischief onslaught. Endure loud music, repetitive videogame sounds, baseball drabbling sounds, broken windows, fences to be fixed because they've been jumped over so much to retrieve escaping balls and other toys, garbage and all sorts of food thrown on their yards because the children think it's okay to trash the neighbours' homes as long as Mom don't have to pick it up...

With the case of children, personally I don't see why anyone should endure anything other than what their own children or the children they voluntarily agree to take care of do. And to the stupid defense reply of "we've all been children", my automatic rebuke is "and this children will become an adult, so teach it now to behave". Couldn't this be the problem with our current society? That we teach our children that the rest of the world has to endure them, instead of teaching them from early age that they are part of a large society and as such it's important they cooperate with it and behave in a harmonious, civilized, polite manner?

Well, this has overflown to those who choose to care for others who are not children, and also end up imposing them. I'm thinking particularly about the pet owners. Just like parents who refuse to understand that children are not allowed everywhere, so think they are entitled to take their pets everywhere they go, regardless if it's a pet-friendly place or not. Regulations are much more strict for pets than for animals, yet some believe that they can carry on and take their chihuahua dogs, or their unruly whatevers (not all chihuahua's are unruly, and I'm specifically meaning whatever race of type of animal that has a restless, loud and unruly nature) to public transports, restaurants, hospitals or any other places where a blind-guiding dog could go.

As with children, just because someone or something is important to you, it doesn't mean it must become important to others, or that you can impose them on others. There's a difference between fighting to make it socially understandable and acceptable that you care for someone or something other than a child, with as much dedication as it would be expected with a child, and another thing is to disregard what's important to others and impose them your own value system.

I don't get it, why is it that there's always some broken jackass who thinks that if they have been hurt or harmed or discriminated in some way, they are entitled to reverse that situation and apply the same ill treatment on others? If people don't understand how important your pet is for you, then you'll make sure to make them uncomfortable rubbing your pet under their noses. Society has discriminated you because you are gay, then you mistreat strainght people and discriminate them in any way you can. Society has discriminated you because you are a woman, so now you hate men and claim they are the ultimate evil and the most stupid and under developed of creatures. Really, if we have been mistreated, shouldn't we learn from the experience how bad it is, what ill feelings it creates, what sort of resistence it breeds, and avoid it? What's the point of giving hurt back for hurt?

Imposing, reverse discrimination... these are all things that make important battles lose their meaning, and milestone conquests lose their importance. It's best for all of us, to understand that we are all different, to tolerate each other and make sure to respect everybody's bondaries.

Pets

Tomorrow my brother, my boyfriend and I are going to Vienna. We are going to spend three fabulous days there - as always when I go to Vienna - stay at out favorite hotel (okay, my favorite, but I haven't heard anyone complain about it), and go visit our favorite places, and have a great time. This time around, however, there's a new factor: Cinder.

Cinder is our new cat, or more specifically, OUR first cat. She's new, lovely, adorable, eats a lot and loves attention. She's an in-home cat who sometimes gets to go outside acompanies by... well, by me, because my boyfriend feels quite stupid walking a cat on a leash. I also feel weird and don't know what to do - I have never walked a cat in my life, for all our cats have always lived outside - but the idea is that eventually she gets to spend a part of the day outside chasing birds and climbing trees. It's hard to have a cat in an appartment, so up to this point, if someone ever had an in-home cat, I'd love some advise.

Now, we are preparing to go to Vienna for a few days, and aside from buying the train tickets, reserving the hotel room, preparing the program, and setting the clock to wake up in time to catch a good train, we also have to make sure Cinder gets taken care for while we are not here. The other day my boyfriend and I went to buy some groceries, and it made me smile to see how our basket included cans of cat food and other cat related items. It suddenly made me think about how some people feel like a family when they start buying baby food or things that children need, but also how some - like us - get that family feeling from our rascal cat. We laugh when she comes up with some new idea, and can stare at her playing with her teddy bear or her little toy mice, and also berate her and try to reason with her. She's part of our holidays even when she can't come with us. She's an important part of our daily lives now, and just as Cinder is part of our family, so are pets for many people.

Pets are important in people's life. Some neglect them and abuse them, just like some people neglect and abuse their children, and it's wrong in both cases. I just wonder why is it that many people believe that caring and feeling love for your pets is less important than feeling love and caring for your children?

I believe that it's no a matter of whether you have children or not, pets or not what matter. Having children doesn't make you better, taking responsability, taking care is what makes you better. Or are we worse for taking care of a cat, than parents who spend all day in front of the computer and neglecting their kids, just because they have children and are more "mature" and we are not?

Pets can make us as happy as children make others happy, and you know what? Taking care of our elders too, with the added benefit that our elders always have amazing stories to tell us. ^_^

Dreams From Common Cold

Right on Saturday both my boyfriend and my brother caught a cold. Nothing serious, just your regular, common, annoying cold. Head hurts, limbs hurt, feel like crap, throat hurts, get fever, runny nose... you know, the usual drill. It doesn't matter then what can you get at your local pharmacy, or the different home remedies you can prepare - from the strong lemonade, and the ginger syrup to the warm milk with honey and oregano (this one for sure throat, actually), nothing helps you get over the cold better than staying in bed, under the covers and sweating the sickness out. My brother was staying at my aunt's place, quite all on his own, though he was regularly looked after by my aunt, which eased a bit my share of worries, and could concentrate on pampering my boyfriend back to health. Today I already woke up with a sore throat. Dammit.

I'm currently not working, but I still couldn't yet afford to stay in bed all day. I had errands to run, places to go, lunch to fix, among other things. Apparently, had also a boyfriend to torture --- I guess that after pampering him so much and him thinking he was now above washing dishes, I felt like picking on him and maybe picked on him too much. No hard feelings, though!

However, this got me thinking on the times when I was in Costa Rica and though I had to go and work, I set a weekend for "cure", and how good that was. Yes, good. Cold is a nasty sickness, but it's not as terrible - in my opinion and after many, many cases of cold survived - as could be other sicknesses. Then basically only the first day or first few days is terrible, then the rest is simply annoying while your nose runs and you can't breath properly. However, that first day or those first days, if you have the chance to stay in bed, it can be quite nice.

Clad in your pajamas or any really comfy clothes, you stay in bed, but arrange your whole world around it. I always had my trusty and beloved netbook with me (then again, I ALWAYS have my beloved netbook with me), and piled up on the nightstand a "care basket" for myself full of my favorite candies, snacks, drinks and plenty of remedies - both home cold remedies and pharmacy remedies.  It was uncomfortable as you sweated like a pig, but at the same time it felt nice to have a "valid excuse" to stay all day in bed watching TV, sleeping, surfing the net and reading books and magazines. Hell, you already feel like crap, so why can't you just make something to feel better?

In my experience the toughest part of the cold can be drastically reduced if you can cure yourself with staying in bed for a day. If impossible, if you catch the cold at the begining of your workweek, at least try to get into bed as soon as possible, take a hot bath, rub yourself with selfheating gels and creams, wear warm pajamas and pull the cover up under your chin. Give yourself a break, pull out all of those fashion magazines, or National Geographic magazines you meant to read but never got around to. Pick that amazing, thick book from the shelve and take it with you.

I may just do that tomorrow, declare myself in need of cure (specially since we are going to Vienna on Thursday), and stay in bed all day long, surround myself with my many thick magazines and my books and kindle, and let myself be pampered. Stay in bed, stay warm and be happy while I get to be healthy again. Only on question in left regarding this: if we are willing to let ourselves be happy, relax and enjoy a day or two of doing absolutely nothing, while being sick, why can't we allow ourselves to enjoy the same when we are healthy? It might be a social thing, we might be actually under the influence of many generations of pressure telling us that doing nothing is not decent (though strangely doing nothing at works seems to be perfectly fine for a large part of the working population), and so the sole idea of enjoying ourself while not suffering for the rest of the world is nearly obscene to us. So break away from it, and the next time you get a cold, take the opportunity to lounge a little at home, try it out, dare to feel good while your sickness is rested away from you. Dare to arrange things to your comfort, TV at bed, all your favorites, and everything at hands reach. Try it out and then consider trying it out also on a day you are healthy.

For now, I'm leaving. I have a hot drink to fix for myself, a bed to pull out and a day of comfort to arrange.

Still a Teller

There are many types of jobs in a person's life - or at least there's a chance in anyone's life, to have many types of jobs. There are those you take because you need the money, those you take because you are bored and have nothing better to do, those you get involved in because you believe in them, and those you take to build a career. There are many, many more types of jobs, and regardless of them, usually there's one type (at least) that means everything to you. Whatever the conditions of this job or type of job, the lessons you learn with it are the ones that form you and brand you the most. Years can pass by and still those lessons are there always present, and even if your everyday life makes you lose them out of sight, they always find the way to be back in the center, burning and glowing like the embers that support the flame of your soul.

The first job of a significant type for me was as a teller at a bank. It was the first iob I've taken not to make money, but to work towards building up my career as an economist. The job was hard, perhaps poorly paid, rutinary and maybe even far away from the a "real job" economists do, but it was the first in a very rewarding process to become the economist I am today. And believe it or not, my two best friends from the University also started as tellers at the same bank. ^_^

The job of a teller is hard. From 8 am to 5 pm we worked directly with the customers, manning little glass boots and facing long lines of impatient, upset people that often took off their frustrations on us. We had to stay constantly alert, pay attention to any possible fake document or phony bills and checks, paying close attention to large sequences of numbers to make sure the right person was depositing or withdrawing money from the right account, or paying the right loan or mortgage. There was no time for a little break to surf on the net, nor space to kick back and read a book. Nine hours of this could easily get on anyone's nerves, but the real test came after the last customer was gone and you had to close, which is pretty much a daily close of books. This could take you a lot of time as all your transactions and the money you had in the register had to match. It didn't matter if the previous day you did good, if today you hadn't paid enough attention and were missing an important amount of money, or had entered wrong a transaction probably causing the bank and the customer a big damage.

In this job you didn't have an end of shift, but when you left home depended on how you closed the day, how much attention were you paying then, and had been paying through the day. In a way, after keeping in control, and doing a rutinaty, even mind numbing task all day long, trying not to lose it with people offending you or accusing you of their own lack of attention, or treating you as if the bank policies or National policies were nothing that an invention of yours, you had to then face the results of your day and your own working capabilities. You couldn't just pretend everything closed, ball up the whole thing and give it to the accountant, because then the accountant would go over the whole thing, and if there was something missing, or an error included, you would be called to answer the next day, and the results would come off your meager paycheck. Something as small as overseeing a wrongly dated check could mean that you would have to pay the amount of the check from your salary.

My direct boss back then, gave us a every important advise, and made sure to repeat it every day at different moments, specially when the tension was high and us tellers could be prone to mistakes just to get the huge line disappear. He said "slowly because it's urgent". It might sound strange, but it was one of the best advises, and one I have used since in cases of great pressure and great urgency. His words were meant for us to take our time, be careful, because by doing things fast as the urgency demanded them, we could commit many mistakes that then would take us more time to correct, and when correcting later we could start getting so tense we wouldn't be able to do things properly. At the bank, and specially at the teller section, conartists often used up the moments when the lines were long to creat confusion and slip a fake bill or a fake check, maybe even pile up many transactions and use the tellers desperation to get the line going, to steal money by pretending they had already given the money for the deposit,  claimng that the teller hasn't given them the right change because they paid with a larger denomination bill than they actually had.

At the end of the day, the desperation in those moments of rush would come out clear. The things you neglected, the shortcuts you took when you shouldn't have, the documents and bills you didn't test properly, the documents that have gone missing... all that shows. At the end of the day other things show to at the closing of books. Your shenanigans, the swindling, and though it is your cash and you can get rid of the "evidence" when nobody is looking, the treasury officer can decide to pop up at your boot right then and audit your cashier.

From my time as a teller I learned about pressure and working under pressure. I learned to count money faster, pay attention to long sequences of numbers, and also learned tricks to do it more efficiently. I also learned the valuable lesson that every day is a new day, and that you can't relay on your past success, but must make every day count and make every day a success. Also learned that today's failure doesn't mean that you can't succed tomorrow. One of the most important lessons I learned was to fo the daily close of books.

In some jobs it's harder to do it, but it's never impossible. At the end of the day, at the end of the period, look back, fish out all the slips, count the cash you have still in your cashier, your experiences, your joys and your sorrows, the overtime you've done with the results you have achieved, and close your books, balance your cash, measure your day.

In a way, whatever you do, however you decide to live your life, work and follow through your projects and duties, you'll have to do a close of books. Now or later, and I don't mean it as "when you die" or "when you come close to death". No, you never know when are you going to be called on to give account of what you have been doing. It could be in a meeting, when out of the blue one of your jobs is pulled out and you need to explain what you did and why, or it could be at an impromptu "activity report". It could be when you are applying for a promotion and you are asked to resume your achievements in your current job, or it could be at a new job interview. Sooner or later you will be asked to give account of what you have done, so are you sure of what you have done? Are you sure you know what will come up? Are you ready and calm about a possible auditing of your books?

And not only in your job, but on many other of the spheres of your life, are you ready for ggiving account of them?

Yes, I'm still a teller. I live in my glassbox and face the pressure, mutter to myself the lessons passed on by those savvier than me, and do my work not only trying to do my best at the moment, but also looking forward to my daily closing. So yes, please "slowly because it's urgent", you don't want to mess it up.

Entitled

There's an interesting dicotomy in people, where on one side they are fearful and don't demand for what they are entitled to, and on the other side, they believe they are entitled to maybe more things than they should. They don't feel entitled to demand their Governments to serve them, work for them and show decent results based on what they promised they would achieve, don't feel entitled to oppose as a natio a reform, a bill or a law that serves only a small portion of society that doesn't really need any more favors, in detriment to a large segment that could use if not a little bit of help, at least a little bit of slack. Instead of facing up these things, people are content placing the blame on others or pretending they don't have the power to do a thing about this, letting people in very delicate, key positions loit the people and dispose of the taxpayers' money as if it where their private "Fund for Fun".

On the other side, however, people tend to feel entitled to small things that don't matter that much, that they don't really need, but which they snitch as if it were some sort of prize. Our bathroom, for instance, is filled with lots of little bottles of body cream, shampoo&shower gel and little soaps of the kind you see at hotels, just as shower caps, tiny show polishers, mini sewing kits and vanity sets. Yes, some are simply beautiful, but do you really need to take them home? Like, don't you have soap at home or a real, regular bottle of shampoo that fits the needs of your hair and scalp, rather than a generic one, no matter the type of hair you have? Sure, some people collect them, but collectors take as maximum one sample of each, not the whole set for every day they stay at a given hotel. And this is not only a quirk of someone I know who isn't me and will remain nameless, but that of a lot of people, who feel the compulsive need to take just about everything that's not nailed to the floor, walls or ceiling.

Cuttlery, dishes, pillows and blankets from airplanes, ashtrays from restaurants, mugs from coffeeshops, towels, and toiletry from hotels as just some of the things people take away with themselves because they claim that their cost is already included in the price they've paid, or that they are there so they'll use them up, so they'll use them up, or because if they don't take it someone else will (because, for instance, the chambermaid has nothing better to do that steal industrial amounts of toiletry from the hotel, nor the waiter has anything other in mind than taking away as many ashtrays as possible), or because they will actually use them up when they have an emergency. Well, so far I haven't been in a situation where a tiny soap bar would save my life, and nor me or my boyfriend carry them in our wallets -  or purse in my case - just in case we need to wash our hands and there's no soap to do so.

Yes, they are pretty, yes they are cute and maybe even a souvenir, but if you want a souvenir, why don't you make a picture? (Okay, I must admit that I have an unhealthy apetite for stationary and hotel pens/pencils. Only I often use them up right at the hotel, taking the sheet and writing to one of my penpals.) No, because that's not the point. The point of the whole maneuver is to take something that doesn't belong to you clearly, that hasn't been given to you expressly for you to take away, but to take a courtesy item, something offered to you to make your stay wherever you are more pleasant - be entirely consumed by you or not - and be left there. It's a small favour that's offered for your comfort, not a piece you have paid for and bought. Or are you also taking the phone with you? Maybe the chambermaid as well? (Okay, DSK is the only one I've heard of who would really take the chambermaid, but let's not go there.)

Why do we feel entitled to take - nearly hoard - whatever is free, or any gesture of kindness and courtesy as if it were owed to us? Standing in line to demand free samples of products you don't intend to buy and that probably aren't meant for you (like 20 year-old girls standing in line to get a sample of a wrinkle cream. Dude, come on!), or taking smiles for granted, and good customer service as owed to you. Perhaps many feel that if they don't take all they can, then they are being ripped off, or they are not as smart as they should be, but that's pretty lame. Actually what happens is that with such an attitude, people often contribute to polute the planet and make our living conditions worse.

For instance, if you take a small bottle of shower gel from the hotel - that you don't need - you take from stock a small plastic container that will have to be replaced. Remember that all these plastic bottles can be refilled a lot of times, but if you take one from the stock, that must be replaced. Most likely you won't reuse the plastic bottle (a few people do it... I'm one of them. Since we have so many, I often use the empty bottles to squeeze in them handcream and keep them in my purse. Well, that was until I've got hooked with L'Occitane's sheabutter handcream that comes in a size small enough to be carried in my purse), so either you use the shower gel or not, you will be throwing that plastic bottle away, and most likely into the regular garbage, not to a recycler. Even if you recycle it, the bottle would be chopped and turned into plastic pelts that would become a lower quality of plastic, and would be used in another product.

The hotel from where you took the shower gel, would need to replace the bottle. The more people take away the toiletry - thinking that it's their right to do so - will start to ball up the costs of the hotel, which will force them to either push up the price of the stay or cut costs by either letting go part of their personal - which will be detrimental to the quality of the service - cut other services and courtesies (lower the quality of the food, or the amount, maybe replace the shower gel for a mini soap bar or even offering only one set of toiletry per stay, and even charge extra if you ask for more toiletry items). You may be right not at a hotel, maybe glancing at the soapbars neatly tucked in your bag and thinking "Nah, that's too little, it won't make a difference". Yes, it does the difference.

It makes the difference if you are one of the people who is able to accept a courtesy for what it is, a gesture of kindness, meant to please you and make you feel more comfortable, not as something you were entitled for since the begining, thus every cut on it would make you feel like you are being robbed, when in reality you and people with that same attitude have been the ones shamelessly ripping off the place. It makes a difference also in you, for this way, instead of constantly being on an aggressive defensive attitude, you open yourself to be gladly surprised, to be pleased, to be treated with kindness, and give kindness and pleasure in return. By taking your thought of entitlement away from the small courtesies, you would be able to focus on what you are really entitled to, and on finding ways to enforce your right to demand accountability on them.

Please think, what do you want? A house decorated and set off entirely with hotel, restaurant and airplane items, free samples and all sorts of courtesies, or would you rather have a life and life conditions where you are more empowered to make things happen?

Wasting Time

Wasting time is often a thought that sends chills down the spine of many people. It angers them, worries them, provokes anxiety in them. Many people wouldn't even there about taking a sabatical year before entering the University, or after finishing it and before looking for their first job. Many can't even think about a whole day spent sleeping orr just vegetating on the couch in pajamas, watching TV or reading the news paper. Many people even tend to feel guilty for spending a day or any amount of time without doing something "productive" or something important. You should be concentrating always on your studies, always on your job, always on your family, always on working out your body, always on whatever project you are involved with. This is particularly interesting seeing how we live in a world bombarded on all fronts with leisure activities, such as movies, amusement parks, commercial centers, games, concerts and similars, and yet, the prospect of taking time to immerse yourself in them is nearly forbidded. Technically, even during holidays you could be wasting time.

If you do a trip to some foreing place, and I haven't seen and taken pictures at every single notorious place, then you have wasted your holiday. If you went to a gym but didn't complete your rutine, you wasted time. Really, why are we so programmed against going with the flow and doing as we please?

Unplug. Take the weekend and do nothing. No errands, no chores, just sleep for as long as you want, the whole day if it pleases you. Eat only comfort food - it's not like a weekend of hotdogs will mean the doom of your soul and you'll become overweight and never be able to lose it. Put on your most comfortable jeans, your most comfortable shoes, your comfy shirt and go out. Make no plans, let your feet lead the way. Go, simply go, take clue from your first thought. Go to a park, go to the movies and see what's there to be seen. Go to a museum, jump into your car and go to a forest or a beach, or another city, and park your car and get some fast food or some local food at a local diner.

Yes, granted, not every place in the world is Budapest, when but letting the public transportation system lead you, you can go from a fabulous, fairy tale-like palace-museum, to Ancient Roman ruins, to the movies, a restaurant with killer eggplant cream on toasted pita chips, to a bar with live music from a local band that ain't half bad, to a square that has the power to inspire you to greatness.

Walk, go online and google your own city, looking for the touristic attractions and dare to check them out with new eyes. Take pictures at your own city, crouch down and take pictures at the ants, if you suddenly find them amusing. Nothing is a waste of time if it enriches your soul with new, great experiences.

I've been here a month so wrapped up in the things I came to do, I nearly forgot what a beautiful place I live in. I have the chance now, so this should be the time I take to scout the whole city, search up all the wonderful nooks and crooks I haven't discovered yet, and rediscovering those I used to know. Maybe there's more magic lying hidden somewhere.

Try it out, because the real wasting of time happens when you neglect to see what's around you.

Gift Pack from L'Occitane

What a wonderful day I had today! I finished a letter for a friend in Malaysia, I received a letter from a friend in Germany - a very thick letter! - had delicious cottage cheese sweet balls for lunch, and then went to post my Malaysian friend's letter. Dear, I hope she gets my letter this time! Just in case I scanned the letter to make sure she gets it either physically or digitally.

In February (or maybe March?) during one of my regular purchases at L'Occitane the salesgirls offered me the L'Occitane Club Card (yes, another frequent buyer card. What a surprise). As part of the benefits of the membership there are discounts, premiums, access to special products, but also in the begining you get a set of "L'Occitane's Best". To get it you have to do a purchase after you receive an e-mail and before the period indicated in the e-mail ends. Well, you don't have to ask me twice, specially when here the products of L'Occitane are much more affordable than in Costa Rica, so I went to buy my beloved handcream, footcream, cuticule cream (all these of Shea Butter) and a daycream of olive oil to better attend my face. (Though the shea butter cream is the best for moisturizing - I can testify! - the olive oil cream helps to keep the needed water in the skin, even in oily skin, without making it oily.) It happens that there was also a promotion to introduce the almond products - most of them slimming, since summer and bikini season is comming! - if you bought products for a given amount. If you weren't a club member, you could buy a the promotional package at a very low price, but if you were a club member, then you've got it for free. Well, what would you think, with my purchase I actually got my "L'Occitane's Best" and my promotional "Almond" gift for the same purchase!

It's amazong, but I feel so set! ^_^ I've a lot of awesome products, and got them for a really unique price -  you gara admit that I did catch a very, very good promotion! - then treated myself with a nice dinner at my favorite restaurant, started working on a really awesome blog-post topic (probably for tomorrow) and went to see a very interesting movie, "Gone", with Amanda Seyfried.

Today's day was... amazing! It's amazing how something simple or how a good handcream and a great deal can make us feel like a million bucks. ^_^

Boss or Leader

A lot of people currently are in jobs they hate. They may hate the activity they have to work with, may hate the schedules they must keep, the payment they receive, the things they have to put up with, and often they hate the people they have to work with. Problems with the people at work are so common and often run so deep, you can find lost of sites where people rant about it. Sites like coworkers suck on livejournal open a door that sheds light on a world you knew it was out there but wasn't sure, or perhaps didn't want to realize it was really there. Stories and letters written (but never sent to!) about the abuse of assistants with too much power, or too much ambition to be in power, about bully coworkers that just want to make you quit because you make them look bad, or want you do to their job, or those who can't care about their own job and as result jeopardize the job of others, people from other areas of the company who can't get past their morning coffee if they haven't done something to make your life miserable, HHRR coworkers who can't live without plotting a way to spoil your day and put you in danger, destroy your chances to get the promised trip or promotion. Yes, all of them are creatures from hell that you'd like to see purified in the heavenly fire extremist Christians talk about. Oh man, they can make you dress like a Puritan, fall on your knees, hold into a Bible and pray in the middle of the street from the top of your lungs if that gets them purified sizzling!

However, no matter the types and the stories and the most twisted and fantastic ways and ideas, in which a coworkser can get under your skin, no stories are more abundant, nor more cases more prosper in discomfort that those centered about a boss. Now, I've a question: Have you had a good boss? You know, the kind of boss that made you want to go to the office, that made you want to work hard, but not for a promotion or to avoid a reprimand, but simply because you felt such a flaming commitment you shared your boss' vision and you wanted it to come true. My guess is that most people would say "no". That kind of boss is most likely seen as a fairy tale of the kind that's included on Business Administration books. Probably you'd think that you have more chances to run into a pink dragon and a rainbow unicorn than finding a good, inspiring boss.

Well, I know for a fact that good bosses exist. In fact I have been so blessed through my life that I have had three of them. :-) I have had 24 bosses (I'm counting also the bosses of my bosses as often bosses have a direct effect over workers two to three, even four levels down). This means that only the 4% of my bosses were good. 13 of them were particularly bad bosses, which means that the 54% were a scarring, bad experience. The remaining 42% were pretty much either absent or uninterested on the team. Now, this 42% aren't "middle ground" bosses, for bosses are supposed to be leaders of their teams and responsible for what they do, and though it was nice that they weren't abusing us and mistreating us, not being there and letting others pick on us. Absent bosses, those who seek to be as far as possible from their teams, give space to create other ills and evils in the group, such as mobbing, turning co-worker against co-worker. This can happen also with bad bosses, particularly when they are caught in the ill habit to picking favorites and patronizing their mistreating of the rest of the team.

It's not a secret that many people get to become a boss based on the favors they've done to others rather than their actual aptitude to be a boss. Some people actually see becoming a boss as a necesary step to move forward in your career. (Well, that depends on your concept of career. If you think a "career" is making money, then yes, it is a step forward. But if you think that a "career" is becoming better in your field, gaining experience and learning, then becoming a boss - as it takes you from the field - could actually mean a set back.) Thus anyone with the right connections can become a boss, anyone in the right place at the right time, but that doesn't make them right for the job. 

Becoming a boss means that you are responsible for everything the whole team does. In this sense it is the job of the boss to lead the team and inspire it to be productive, to get the job done, and make sure everybody is making their part in such a way that every member contributes to the result of the team. The boss should also be the first to see the job of the team for what it is: a group effort, not their personal effort. This is important because if the boss is capable of concentrating on the team, focusing on the group result and detach his or her personal success from the job of the team, then the members of the team will be able also to see their efforts as part of a bigger scheme and work together. If this fails and the boss considers the job of the team as their own personal job - for instance, once the team has finished a report or a proposal, the boss puts his or her own name on it as if they would have done the whole thing - then the members of the team alienate from the group and start working as separate elements and often working against the rest of the team.

If you have had worked with terrible bosses - and you probably have - then you know what's like to feel like working for your worse enemy, back upping everything, not taking a single step unless you can cover your back from every angle, taking each order or request with suspition, and first running it through every possible filter you have, asking around and thus wasting precious time, just to make sure you are not being set up for some shenanigan that will secure your boss or your boss' patron some illegal benefits while you'll be the one taking a long vacation in the shadow for alleged fraud. You may know about plotting for hours and scouting for a recorder small and inconspicuous enough for you to take on meetings, specially when you must be alone with your boss, so you can record the verbal bashing or the orders to do something that's specifically against the law. If you have googled for recorders or browsed on Amazon.com for these, then you know what I'm talking about. Filed complaints against bosses pile up high in different places, and those are only the filed cases!

Seeking desperately for better results - or just to spend more company money - seminars and workshops on "leadership" have become a must for many bosses and companies. The topic has also been added to the curriculum of BA's and MBA's, but it doesn't seem to do the trick. What do you get with memorizing the characteristics of a leader, or any of those lenghty lists BA books and leadership seminars are so full of (with a list of the Features of a Leader, Goals of a Leader, Personality Traits of a Leader...) when none of them go beyond the surface? Many bosses sent to a Leadership Workshop or Seminar at a five star hotel, come back after two days of eating free catering food, sitting at tables covered with long white tablecloths with a smaller cloth of a darker color (blue, red, orange) on to, freezing under overly working air conditioners, and sipping water from pitchers, with the sense that they are now leaders. Oh yes they are. They speak in plural, they start each conversation looking into people's eyes (because that makes them feel important, involved), start with pleasantries like asking about their families or any other personal matter, and then turn to the "matter". They make sure to "compliment" before laying on the blame or pointing on mistakes, because that's what leaders to, according to the $50.000 per day seminar the company paid for them.

Posters and pictures on the net can say that "bosses say 'I', leaders say 'we'", or "bosses say 'Go', leaders say 'let's go'", the difference is much deeper. Bosses can say "we" and can say "let's go", and can look at you in the eye and can walk everyday by your cubicle to greet you, and they still will be crappy bosses and far from being seen as leaders. Leaders don't need to learn tricks - they are the real deal. They don't need to keep the protocol and choose the right order and the right words. Leaders Inspire, leaders see you as people, as someone who is valuable, with whom they WANT to cooperate, to cowork with. Leaders don't act as if their team were the group of people assigned to them, subordinated to them, but for a leader THEY themselves are part of the team. Leaders breathe it, are "it", the very essence that makes you want to be better for a bigger goal.

Those bosses keeping the external signs only come out worse. Their rehearsed tricks make people uncomfortable. Their words and the way the choose so stiffly to follow an order of what they are going to say,  come out as fake, phony, and even down right hypocritical. It comes to the point where when people hear them ask about their families or praising them for something (usually some generic thing such as "you are a very good worker/ you are very valuable for this company/ you are very smart/ I admire very much the way you work"), the compliment turns sour in their ears and they prepare with an ill predisposition for soemthing bad, and thus often seen as an unfair distortion of facts. The boss won't stand well if they neglect to show up and meet with the team, as people will perceive it as distant and detached from work. However if it starts everyday by greeting everybody personally, it will come out as controlling and taking notes on who's there on time and who isn't. Are people being unfair? Are the subordinates being mean and don't giving a chance to the boss to show interest? Most of the times that's not the case.

A poor boss can't expect people to trust them over night. Also, people have a sixth sense to perceive honest intentions and feelings. You can say if someone is greeting you honestly or because they are on a mission to be perceived as a leader and thus have the power they want to move the masses to do their will.

There have been a very long discussion about whether leaders are born or made.  Some are born, buut it order to be made, you have to start with the right material, and if you don't have what it takes to be a leader, the best thing you can do is be honest and don't take any position that demands you to be a leader. Just as you won't become a surgeon if you don't have the skills required to be precise, nor you'll become an accountant if you don't have the inclination and skill to pay attention to very small details, and remain foccused amid a terribly rutinary job, then you shouldn't either become a boss if you don't have it in you to be a good leader, if you can't inspire people, if you can't see outside of yourself and assume the role of a hero.

Yes, a leader is like a hero: they are not motivated for their personal glory, they are the first in battle and the last ones to leave the ship. They are empathic with every single person in their team and see themselves more as the one serving them all, helping them all, often seeing their own job as complimentary to that of the others, than thinking of themselves and their success, and considering their team as a flock of aids that compliment their job. A Leader, just like a hero, puts the goal and the team ahead of themselves. They see themselves as the tool, the spear that opens the road, the wall that protects and contains, the messager that takes the important cargo so diligently produced by the team they have been entrusted with.

Not everybody is a leader, but all of us can be heroes in our own courts.

Why Are We Discriminated When We Are All Equal?

Yesterday I wrote a quick post about purity. Sorry, I wasn't able to round up my thoughts as I would have wanted to, since the new season of Spartacus was about to start, and sadly men in short underwear is always a priority. However, there was a thought there that has been nagging me for a while and it's the fact that purity is sought to make us all alike without having to deal with tolerance towards our natural differences. Purity as a banner to pursue the erradication of anyone with "mixture", anyone deviant in the slightest of the preordered patron of society, and often purity is paired with clealiness, as if both terms were the same. But stepping aside from that discussion, I'm clinging here to the idea of "alike so we don't have to exercise tolerance towards differences".

Through recent Childfree discussions and articles that have come to me through other means, once again it came to my attention how people in society find it acceptable to expect others to adjust to children, family and marriage related situations, while similar situations of a different kind are seen as outrageous. It seems it's perfectly acceptable that someone don't stay late at the office or gets permission to leave early or arrive late when they have children and use their children as excuse. They had to drive the kids to school, can't stay because they don't have a babysitter, or their children are waiting for them at home. It is not a valid excuse to get late to the office or leave sooner when you have an elderly relative you must take care of. Even less if you are taking care of a sick pet.

If you complain because your neighbour's children are loud all day long, every day of the week, then you are the annoying, child-hating horrible person who doesn't understand and should move if it bothers you so much. But you are right to complain if the noisy ones are your pets. A barking dog, a cat dancing on the roof. You can complain if the elderly person living in the neighbouring house can't hear the TV and puts it too loud, but you can't complain if the pre-teen  children of the neighbour blast Lady Gaga on you all day long.

You can't complain if your friend's are getting married and popping children like bunnies, inviting you to every wedding, bachelor or bachelorette party, baby shower and birthday, making you spend loads of money, but you can complain if your unmarried, childfree friend invites you to a fundraising party for a good cause (breast cancer, fight against cancer, human rights, green peace, PETA, fundraising for animal shelters, etc.). What makes children more important than the elderly? Why are the children of those who have them more important than the pets of those who have them? Who says that you can't love your dog, your cat, your hamster, your bunny, your snake just like you would love a child? Who says that their lives and their happiness matters less than that of a person? Who says you can't care for your relatives? Who says you are not allowed to dedicate yourself to those of your friends and family that are not your children but need you nonetheless?

If you haven't had a pet you loved, really loved, not just fed and kicked out of the sofa, then you don't know what's like to rush it to the ved because someone poisoned it. You don't know how you suffer when they whine and won't stand up from their little beds and look at you with those big, honest, innocent eyes hoping you know something that makes them better. You don't know what's like to see them in pain, even the emotional pain your pet can go through when they lose their cubs and look desperately for them, cry for them day and night, or try desperately to bring them back to life when they find them dead.

If you haven't loved a friend or a relative so much, that you're heart shrunks each time you see them fighting pain or sadness, when you hold their hands and the soft, thin skin wrinkled up, and feel it's getting thin and you constantly think of ways to make them feel better, then you don't understand, can't undrestand what's like to worry for someone that will die before you do, and yet desperately want to make them live more, another day, and pray each night for God to choose to take them away only in the most painless and peaceful of ways.

Why it is imposed on us to accept those with children and take silently the abuse of both children and their parents, while pushing away those who have in their lives other also important beings? If I don't have children, never marry, but work hard for a cause that's close to my heart, lets say, an animal shelter, or a shelter for women victim of abuse, or a shelter for children, a home for the elderly who have been abandoned by their relatives, or a foundation dedicated to fight breast cancer, or AIDS, why is my dedication, why is that where I put my heart less important, less significant, less worthy, if it's not the one thing that's socially accepted?

It's just like that concept of purity and the underlying attempt to uniform us all: if it's not the same things others go for, then it's not worthy and it should be repressed. If it's not the same as the socially accepted, then it can be subjected to bullying, and you'll be the sole responsible, the guilty. We get horrified when women in the Middle East are condemned as guilty, jailed and even sentenced to a horrible death for having been raped, because they are the victims and yet treated as if they were the criminals. However, with this cases, aren't we doing the same? Aren't we being unfair?