Annoyance

If you are in my mail list from one of my yahoo.fr addresses, then you may have received a copy of the mail I sent to the people of Adam Hersh Posters. You may wonder what's the story about it. Well, simply put, I have fell in love with this poster made by Theophile-Alexander Steinlen known as "Tourné du Chat Noir". It's not only iconic of Paris, but also of the Parisian boheme, artist life. Today is the Birthday of a dear friend of mine and I wanted to give him something beautiful, something special, and all the meaning that this poster has, our shared love for cats, our love for art, for the creative and artistic evolution of mankind, as well as many perticular aspects of ourselves regarding our environment that are so similar to the story, the meaning of the Chat Noir Café, well, it made of this poster the perfect gift.

I went to Amazon, as always, selected the poster sad because Amazon was not selling it directly, but confident that someone with 4,5 start of rating would deliver the items with the usual Amazon efficiency. I ordered two posters because, well, I wanted one for myself too. Then came the first shock:

Posters: $5,98.
Shipping and handling: $9,97

Okay... the shipping more expensive than the items themselves. But then I booked it under the fact that, me being a Prime Rate Member at Amazon, I was no longer used to shipping and handling rates. I ordered two books from Amazon from the same date, and which hit Miami two days ago and are on the counter here today. I was going to pay a faster shipping for the posters so I would make only one trip when I realized this seller didn't have that option. Deception No.2. When I checked when the items will arrive to Miami, it was for tomorrow, Feb. 1st. That wasn't good either, but I thought my friend might not mind the delay on his present.

I tried to pay the purchases with my Raiffeisen card, but Amazon seems not to like my debit cards, so it smacked them back that same day. I, naturally, in order not to delay the delivery, put the purchases, ALL OF THEM on one of my credit cards. As soon as I received the e-mail that my purchases were shipped, I ran to check them to prealert them at my local courier company. That's when I realized that my books were sent, but the posters were not being shipped. So I went to check on them and the delivery date was moved to Feb 2nd-Feb 5th. Okay, that was LATE for me. I mean, my friend's Birthday is TODAY, Januar 31st, and waiting to get the poster on Feb 5th as the latest in Miami, and then wait 1 to 2 days to get it here was not doable. Yet I believed that with a lot of smiling I could manage and explain my friend that it was not that I forgot his present, but that the perfect present was delayed by the seller. I was Pissed but I could live with it. Deception No.3. I wish ti would have been only up to deception No.3, but Deception No.4 was waiting around the corner.

At the begining of this week I checked on the posters again and the delivery date was delayed yet again. This time it was Feb 5th to Feb. 8th. Well, I was not going to take that, would they delay the delivery of the posters until Christmas? Absolutely not. I wrote both to Adam Hersh Posters and to Amazon requesting to cancel the order since it would not be delivered on the originally offered date. Amazon immediatelly jumped up to help me, sending the cancelling e-mail from my part, since at that point that was all they could do. (So Adam Hersh Posters go TWO e-mails where I cancelled the order.) I received the confirmation of reception of my mail from Amazon, but nothing from the seller. Little later the seller sent me an e-mail telling me that my order was ready to be shipped. They do not listen. Deception No. 5. I wrote the again letting them know that I HAD cancelled the order. No answer, no answer and then, TODAY, two days AFTER I told them again that I wished to cancel my order, and that I had e-mailed them about it, as well as Amazon has told them about it, the tell me that my order had been SHIPPED and furthermore, some lady from the Customer Service Department sent me a mail telling me that my order couldn't be cancelled since it was already processed. Deception No. 6.

Now you may understand the upset (an therefore terribly mistyped) e-mail I sent them promising them I would let the world know what a piece of shit they are.

So please everybody, remember the name, Adam Hersh Posters and stay away from it, and let others know. Or recommend it to people you hate. ^_^

How Involved Do We Want to Be? In What?

Keeping up with the topic of the "lack of involvement" and the indifference, I would like to take this in a few different lines.

So, yesterday I was bitching about L'Arche de Zoé and what they do. Oh, I know, I'm such an evil person for pointing fingers at humanitarian causes such as this. Or is it that I am ignorant, selfish, or some other gathering, proper world to say "she talks shit about stuff she knows nothing about"? Yeah, yeah... keep on if that makes you happy. There are many organizations in the world trying to make a difference, and with not much impact, I would say. Okay, let's consider only the good guys, so terrorists, really, keep out of this ranking. It's not so much a matter, of how involved people are in a matter, but what's that matter? How are things executed in order to achieve the best result? Which are the consequences and how will these be dealt to minimize possible negative outcomes? Yes, I think children should be kept safe, their lives should not be threatened, their futures should not be put on stake. I believe the elderly have the right to live, to be saved, to enjoy the best life quality that can be given to people. I believe in the equal rights of men and women and that skin color, ethnia, language, nationality, religion, culture... these are not obstacles to be useful, to be considered human and treated as such. I do object, in many cases, the "how". How things are done to achieve a given goal. Do the means justify the goal? Damn it, it's not a matter of machiavelism, but a matter of "are these the best means to achieve the goal you are looking for?".

Many of these big, international organizations must think a little bit about it, because they do have a wonderful intentions, but somewhere in the delievery things just fuck up and their good deeds end up making only more damage. However, they have something others don't: a Goal. They are foccused. This is not everything, but it's a big chunk of everything. Naturally, there are no International Organizations of Something We Don't Know Yet, But It's Still Big Enough to Demand Your Energy. People do these by their own. Big, international organizations have a purpose, a focus, but people, as they go by in their lives, not always have it. Or they have a hazy goal, or a stupid goal that's really unachievable, or a total waste of time, and they pour their energy into it, empty themselves into these utterly pointless, useless enterprises and then come out bitter. (Yes, I know, no more L'Arche de Zoé bitching.) Why do I bring this up? Well, due to a neverending matter that's horrifyingly common to people: we just like to get tangled in shit that doesn't worth it. As a milestone for these kinds of cases I always bring up a group of people I used to know, who gathered because of a common interest (some kind of Japanese pop art), but ended up wrapped in personal issues, inner wars based solely on things that really weren't that much of a deal. Who dates who, who says what to whom, who did what... The typical group issues. Pity crap that lurks where peopel really have nothing to do or aren't willing to do what they are supposed to.

Well, this kind of behavior is not only seen in social groups and clubs. It's sad to say so, but you can also find it in the office... like mine. Now, one would say that at the office it is expected that people have a clear goal and know where to focus their efforts, but sadly ... that's not the case. Though there are specific goals to achieve, and quite clear, if I may add, people seem more interested in what others do and how they can fuck up (in the bad sense) each other. Interpersonal problems, vendettas that use the very job, or the wrongdoing of it as a weapon... In here it seems that the only one actually doing something in their field are the Human Resources guys, and it ain't like they do much, but they are the "lawyers" to determinate what and how much can be done. Yes, I've been subject to these maneuverings, since last year when my moving to here were on discussion, and I had to overcome the ill intentions of my former boss at fucking up with my chances to get to a better place, as well as his pity attempts at fuking up with my peace of mind through my vacations. But then, things done, you concentrate on your job, right? Wrong. Some people in here are absolutely obssessed over other people and their desire to see them suffer. Why? Beats me.

One word: "YOU WERE NOT HIRED TO DO THIS."

In what are you getting involved? Does it worth it? And even when you know it doesn't and the things you do to achieve your "goal" are not working and you "goal" is completely unrealistic, why in the fucking hell won't you just stop?

A Moment for Myself at the Office?

My boss talks about leaving early today. He's now at a sort of meeting doing the "witness" part. It's amazing how some bosses are tied down and the useless workers can't me made go.

Indifference or Other Priorities?

Today I learned for the first time what's "L'Arche of Zoé". I had read the headlines of many articles about this organization, and so far I assumed it was just another whacky terrorist group. Well, all we hear about are either terrorists, Democrats and Republicans or Stock markets. With that name, well, where would you put it? For the first time, today I decided to google it and find more about it. I didn't have much time to research since I have a job to do for myself, but what I found was that this organization is out to help orphans across the world. As you enter their site, you read about the situation in Darfour, where genocide is taking the lives of many innocent people. Of course, among those innocent people there are kids too. The site offers statistics about the number of children dying there.

The reality is terrible, but truth is that it kinda upset me. It made me remember this annoying advertisement that pops up constantly at CNN, where two black children are used to make people feel bad and "adopt" children from foreign countries by just sending them money and make them feel they are doing something for the "poor of the world", and giving some of their "abundance".

First, the accusations L'Arche de Zoé makes against ONG's such as the UN, can be on spot. It mentions economical support that goes to the wrong hands and peace negociations that only ensures more masacres. I do agree that there's a lot of crap going on there, such as this "Goodwill Ambassadors". I mean, celebrities who really, are not prepared (as in back uped with the proper career background), or just some people here and there, politically correct, who are given this lable, this position so that they can travel the world with a UN passport and "raise awareness"? Which are their real contribution? How much have their acting helped diminish poverty, hunger, injustice or war? So, when the site of L'Arche de Zoé says their efforts are proving painfully futile, I believe them.

However, when an organization seeks to help people far awayraising charity and appealing to the feelings of others, it upsets me. Okay, it might not be the case of L'Arche de Zoé, but people so quick and desperate to donate and do charity should think first. Why do you help the orphans of war in some far country, through some big enterprise, and maybe you are not even 100% sure that the money ACTUALLY goes to the orphans, and then you leave the orphans, the paupers of your own country. You help kids somewhere out there and complain about the crime in your city and the beggers in the corners. You just give the money, and that's as far as you wish to be involved. You feel good because you "helped" but then, how is that money spent? You think that giving them food and clothes and a house is enough to help them? Oh yeah, you build schools for them. Uhum, and the teachers? Will you provide the teachers? And what would you teach them? How great life is in the US, so that they allienate in their own country?

Question: Why Darfour? Kids enslaved in India are not needing help as well? Baby girls in China do not need help as well? Poor kids in the US with no health care and growing up in neighbourhoods where the death and gunshots are so common the only difference with warstroke cities is the lack of soldiers. Helping people in other countries is a way to evade what happens home, a way to close your eyes at the misery growing at home because "we are not as bad as others and we are not in such a bad situation as others". But is it true? Aren't we?

L'Arche de Zoé has gotten headlines because six of its members tried to get around 103 Darfour orphans or so to France. The kids were retourned to their legal parents, though it seems they were sent to orphanages. The six members were condemned to eight years of forced labor, and are pleading to be sentences according to the French Laws. I know people think they were righteous and now they are regarded as heroes and martyrs of a humanitarian cause, but I think they did things wrong. Sure, you have to help them, but you can't send every kid in peril to France! These kids will grow up and engross the number of immigrants and just breed more trouble. Today they are kids and people want to help them becaus they are "lost puppies", but what will happen when they grow up and add pressure to the labor market in France? Will you send them back to Darfour?

Inspite to the goodwill ambassadors and the corruption and bad choices, I still believe in the UN and the principles that gave birth to it. I do not believe in charity, and I belive countries should help themselves before helping others, but International Organizations such as the UN should tackle these matters, and not only "Darfour", but the trouble going around the world and instead of sending "goodwill ambassadors" to "raise awareness", they should propose a global development plan aimed to tackle conflict zones and poverty zones and help countries in need to solve their problems and find the way to grow and ensure welfare to their citizens.

It is not an opium dream, nor I expect this to happen overnight, but I must believe that you can solve things by actively addressing them insteand of jst talking, or otherwise I would have wasted my efforts at choosing my career.

Happy Birthday, Lidiette !

Today is the birthday of a good friend of mine, someone who has helped me so much in my laboral life you can't even imagine. I have no idea how old is she becoming now, and I bet there will be no way in the universe to ever know that. Naturally, I won't publish my suspitions about her age in here. I would never do that to a friend. ^_^ She works at the Bank where I worked before working at the company I'm working now. It was my first "real life job". I met her when I was a teller, which was my very first job at the bank. It was a stressful place, but damned, it had the best work environment I have ever experienced.

It was after my experience at the tellers and then moving up to credit analysis (loans, mortgage and so), and then finally moving to the telecom where I work now, into positions more related with my career (or so they say), that I started realizing that the better the wage and the job conditions the bitchier the lousier the coworkers are. Particularly at allegedly stable environments such as the Government. And well, the more people has to lose, the more they know they have done nothing to earn the place they have, the more they make of the work environment a snake pit of a shark pool, to get rid of others, regardless if they are good or not, so they don't have to share their secluded "haven" of abundance. Naturally, if you are good at what you do, and a responsible worker on top of that, you become the menace the "League" must exterminate. Yes, good, smart people are a weed that must be ripped out of the work-lawn and kept out.

My friend, Li, is one of those exceptional people who are not only smart, efficient, but also well connected politically. Therefore, naturally, she's a menace for a lot ot people, her bosses in particular. Manages fear her because she has more power than what they have. A lot og these empty headed characters wonder why doesn't she request soem chief position. Well, that's because she's not interested. Like she told me one day, the bank is so full of corruption, and well, every Government entity, that it's better to remain an ant. That way you are exposed to less pressure from the "heads" who wish to pull out some tricky businesses, and then, of course, to avoid being the escape goat of the fraud investigations that will follow.

Li helped me get into the Methodist University, where I have taught several classes of economics, administration and maths. She introduced me also to Fran, the current rector of the UN University in Costa Rica. However, Li is more than contacts to me. She's a friend who has understood me in several matters regarding some people, as well as the career matters. She has always been there offering great advises and willing to plot with me different exits to complex situations. Back when I was a teller, we used to go out with friends every Tuesday to have dinner and drink wine at an upscale Peruvian restaurant. Those trips stopped after I moved to Credit, but we still manage to go out from time to time, now mostly to a lovely Italian Restaurant or one of the best Mexican restaurants of the country.

We have not decided anything yet, when are we going to meet or anything, and I still have to get her her present, but the day we meet, we sure will have a lot of interesting things to tell each other (among them the ones related to my thesis, as well as the tutor of the team, who is behaving just like Li predicted it), and all will be deliciously accompanied with excellent food, great drinks and a perfect environment.

This is one of the things I like about Li: she understands the joy of the place, not only the food.

This is something many people can't understand. Most of the people would not go to the places I like to go because "it's too expensive and you can get more for less at this or that cheap joint". Explaining them that the place, the environment is also part of the experience, it's entirely futile.

Next to my current office, which is located at the headquarters of the organization, is this Japanese Food restaurant named Benihana. It's part of a quite global franchise, from what I see. The first time I ate at Benihana was in Caracas, Venezuela, and I loved it so much I have scouted the cities I have gone to looking for it. (Just like I scout the cities for Benetton, Swatch and Subway.) Well, this is not your local sushi place where you can get an order of California Rolls for 3,40 €. It's a place a little bit more expensive, beautifully decorated and usually quite empty. Most of the tables sit next to great windows with a beautiful view. Although I do have had already a few bad experiences with the food (never ask for the salmon skin roll... the skin is fried to such a consistency, it's like eating crunchy bugs...), it's the kind of place where you want to go with your friends and have a nice long chat. I went last week, the first day in my new office to celebrate, all by my own, my recent success, and took my journal with me. I sat there, ate and wrote and I felt at the top of the world.

My boss doesn't seem to appreciate the beauty of that. It's kind of ironic as he's trying to push forward a plan to reshape the way the organization offers its services by foccusing on the "Customer Experience". I remain silent and smile for myself: how can he grasp it when he can't enjoy it?

It's not me

I'm so glad I have someone to talk to. I was honestly becoming afraid that maybe it was me, really me the sick one, the delusional who believed the world around me was not measuring up to the minimal quality standards. So many people accepting as good works I would only lable as absolutely mediocre... I do started to doubt myself and believe I was the worng one, and that I didn't grasp my mistake because I was sick in the head. Hyne, I'm treated for stress and some tests even say I suffer a certain degree of schitzotypal personality disorder, so yes, maybe it's all in my head and I envision a kind of quality and a kind of sufficient work that really doesn't exist. It could happen. Perhaps it would have been easier if all the insufficient, crappy documents I have seen parade the last four years would be improved by some nice happy-pill.

Today, needing to pour it out of me before it rots inside my head and poisons me, (and maybe because I hoped I still could be cured), I told my mother about my concerns during supper. Well, if it is some kind of mental illness, my mother shares it with me: indeed the norm today is the crappy work, and it's not only at my work, but it seems to be the trend everywhere. What the hell had just happened to mankind? When did the stupid and lazy took over the world? When have men all become uncapable of any feeling of responsability, any feeling of pride regarding one's job?

Disheartening.

Cellular novels take over literature and books are printed and sold, which have no plot and less any artistic, literary value. No one cares for the basic logical construction of paragraphs or even sentences. Documents go on with strings and strings of word no one reads, no one pays attention to because if they did they would realize who ilogical they are. No one cares for the question of "then what?" because everything is so fleeting, they believe it won't be their responsability.

Markets crash. The economy of the United States is falling into recession, people is losing their money, planes don't work, telecommunication networks fall into pieces, Sprint invested loads of money buying a company with which they can't really merge because the infrastructure, the networks, the markets, the orientation is not compatible. People is dying because a lousy healthcare can't do its job. People die because the doctors can't recongize a flu even if it bites them in the ass. Really, what else must happen for people to start taking their jobs, the things they do seriously?

So, I have to wait to see "Third Man Out"?

I haven't seen many gay movies, and most of them I have seen them by accident, nor all I have seen are good. I like gay stories, make it in books or in movies, though I tend to be more critical with books since reading is a hobbie of mine I practice more than my other hobbies. Well, maybe all but writting. I have not read many good books of gay stories, make it homoerotic (my faves) or just stories imvolving gay people. But movies are something different. Perhaps one I can recall as good is "Boy Culture", which I bought before seeing. I took a big chance, but the guys were so cute! Now, I have discovered that Cinecanal is making this "Gay Tuesday" thing this month. One of the movies it will show is this one titled "Third Man Out". Now, since I'm so bad at remembering things, I wanted to rent the movie from a video store. So I went to all the videostores in town and none of them had it. Could this be a coincidence? I kind of doubt that.

There's a generalized tendency to keep out of the store all movies that deal with gay topics. Sure, you can find some of them, but then a lot of them are either never brought or they are made "disappear". Really. There's this movie, "Kissing Jessica Stein", which I truly wanted to see but never got to because I missed it on TV and they they removed it from the videostore. So, pretty much, it's either I see it on tv this Tuesday or I'll have to buy it blind on Amazon.

Reading the reviews on this movie on Amazon, it doesn't look like a good purchase. People complain about it. Then, as I just foundout, one of the lead characters is played by this actor, Chad Allen. The name might not say much to you, but this guy was in this crappy little sitcom I saw a couple of times when I was a child. I do not remember the name of the sitcom, but it was about a mother with three kids who moved to live with the father of her late husband. The older daughter was played by Shanon Doherty, and in the series she wanted to be an astronaute, and the boy, the one in the middle, was played by Chad Allen. Go figure. He goes from Saturday matines and all-American-family sitcoms to playing gay. Good one.

The gay topic are something of a "trend" today, and, well, perhaps that's the bad thing. I have no idea how it was in the old days, but today, whatever is trendy is also bad. And I mean bad as in crappy, as in lacking of quality. There was an article about how celular novels have made a big hit in Japan. The novels aren't even good, but people is so lazy, so used to the "instant" gratification, and the "the less effort it requires, the best" kind of philosophy, that these crappy stories actually have become best sellers. Shit, stories where stuff can be told in 170 characters. That's pathetic. With gay stories, I have suspected for a long time now, that it's all about "the gay" or the "cock-up-hole" thing. Quality? Who cares about that? People want something fast that leaves no impression on them, that doesn't make them think. Sad thing is, it's the same at the job. People are not looking for something good, something of quality, but something that "makes it now", or at least "seems like".

We live in a world where the content, the substance and the quality are completely irrelevant. This is not a place where I can live. I can only hope there's still a place in the world where right things, things of higher quality and jobs excellently done are still important, are still demanded and delievered. I feel so alone surrounded by so much ineptitude...

As for my hobbies... well, I have to rely either on my skills or on classics. If there is a gay-story writer who can write up to the highest standards, I would like to meet him or her. Meanwhile... well, modern literature is crap, I'll keep reading my finds and classics.

New Year, New Boss

Today I have finally moved out of that hole called "Service Development Process". No more Juan de Dios, no more Omar Hernández, no more bullshit. Well, not that kind. Up to the last minute I was held up, stopped and made wait, told I couldn't go until my boss got the notice of my moving. Uhum. I made the needed calls and I've got my case moving. I wasn't going to let them delay me any more than needed. I was already a month delayed, so I was no taking no more shit from this process. Juan de Dios was nowhere to be seen since he took a two week vacation by the begining of this week. I guess he was aware that he could no longer touch me, and that I have the means to defend myself from his sneakey attacks, plus they could make more harm to his case than any good to his retrograd, childish nature.

I do find it odd that he chose this moment to take a break from work (ain't like he does any work. More like he took a break from coming to the office... though he doesn't even do that really. Fuck, why does he need vacations? He's not even here and he does jack! Man, really, the only job of bosses is to cash bigger paychecks.), since this week was when the bosses held meetings to decide the New World Order. The last reengineering didn't work, so they have to make a new one before the whole company falls into tiny bits. The word is out that Omar has failed majorly at leading the direction entrusted to him. Manuel Córdoba, my former boss, is more than desperate to get the direction out of his hands and claim his people back. His own little universe, where people stood looking up at him adoringly was shattered by the end of 2006, so he evidently would like this Universe back. It was a well trained pack of loyal followers who though could do nothing, were more useless than a haircut for snakes and stunk at pretty much everything, they would have given their lives for him. Plus, lets be honest, their utter lack of any actual academic and professional knowledge as well as the absolute lack of thinking capabilities made them perfect to not notice the humongus amount of fraud and other "misbehaviors" he has been running on the back.

So, in order to continue with his plan to reclaim the turf he knows, as well as his loyal subdits (I believe not all of them, but the lionine part of them), he has organized these meetings, or have been poking his nose quiete some into it, so he can slam Omar and his people of the head of the direction with a big, bulky rocking ball.

As expected, my coworkers organized a farewel lunch for me. I insisted I didn't want to. I do wanted to eat out with my friends, but only my friends, like we usually do, or like we do when we eat together, for most of the time I lunch alone. Anyway, they organized the lunch at Pizza Hut. To the outrage (SILENT outrage, you mind) I asked for a glass of wine. Naturally, I was the only one to drink. I dunno what's the fuck with this people, haven't they ever heard about eating with wine? Do they think that wine was invented just to drink it when the beer is gone? Wine is not a "bar" drink, it's a drink to take with meals. Red for red meats and white for white meats. Oh well, this is the way they are. Oh, I also did something else that might be tacky and will have them talking ill of me for ages. A piece of mushroom from my pizza fell on my bag. I saw it and instead of placing it on the plate, I really didn't thnk and ate it. Ohhhh... so tacky and distasteful! Oh fuck it, ain't like I did it in a posh restaurant...

My friends usually go to Pizza Hut to play jokes on each other, being the main entertainment to pretend one of us is having a birthday and call on the Pizza Hut crew to sing upon the chosen victim. I feared I would be the victim... and I was. I've got free chocolate cake and a luau silk flowers and straw necklace. Quite colourful, if you ask me. Additionally, the kids got me a green Totto bag. Well, at least it wasn't Nice jewelry. They paid my bill too. It was odd... well, it made me feel a little bad that they paid stuff for me and then bought me something. I mean, I'm the one getting to a better place, I'm the lucky one leaving, I should be the one giving them presents so they don't feel that shitty!

When we got back to the office, Anthony and Tavo helped me move my three boxes to my new place. It was quite fast and... fast. They helped me, carried my stuff up, hugged me and were gone. It was odd again to stand there in a rather tough office, unwelcoming, with three ugly boxes and piling them in the cubicle of my boss. After that I tried to arrange the boxes in the less conspicuous way, and then asked to meet Melania. A woman, who half smiled and was more passive-agressive that she should, helped me find her. Well, at the end Melania found me and we clicked on immediately. We sat down and talked long. She told me a few disturbing things, such as the fact that it seems a lot of not-nice fellows work now with Marco. People nobody else wants. Kinda like a collection of Polinis. Well, that I didn't mind so much. They are under Marco, so I hope Marco can keep them at bay, or keep them out of my hair. I held my tongue tight, and I will have to hold it very tight about my plans to move to Budapest (or Vienna, I know) as soon as I get my thesis... and pay all my debts (which look much on the way of being solved so much sooner than expected).

Today I have learned I hopper from hell into a shark pool. Well, the company is a big shark pool, and I have some experience in keeping them off my tail (plus, I'm not such a big catch, they'll keep of me... hopefully). Besides, as long as I have work to do and God on my case, what can possibly go bad? God got me here, he helped me out, and if I'm here is for a reason. God will manage, all I have to do is work, push that stupid thesis forward and make my best to pick up German and seek a good job at home. ^_^

God takes care of me. Ain't I just the luckiest kid of the block?

Politics is More than Elections, but now it doesn't look like it.

The papers are full with election news. The word "candidate" is one of the most often used. Clinton, Obama, Romney, Guiliani, McCain... it's all over the place. Number and number about who leads where and which politics give them advantage or lead here or there. Okay, here comes the presidential elections, good. "Democracy". Yupi. But what flies around are the tags, the lables, not the actual ideas, and even so, these are campaing promises. To back up my words, I checked the sites of some of the candidates to see how they intend to attack the ill they denounce and which they promise to set straight. Take the case of Ms. Clinton. You go to her site Hillary for President, and check in any of the topics she talks about. I went for the one that interests me the most: health care. There were words but no action. A few pointers looking like action, but nothing "actually" pointing at how this will be made work and how will it be good.

Lets not forget that whatever bill she wants to pass will have to be aproved and voted by the Congress, so the health plan might be a big fiasco. But then again: where are the great "wastes" of resources in health care from which she will pull enough money to cover her unlikely, haphazardly plan?

People forget that in times of elections and campaings the world keeps going, and the problems are not gone. If they weren't able to demand a human, respectful, decent health care, why would they get one any better? Specially when it all goes based on the same crap they have now, only with the promise of becoming "cheaper" though there are no data aboout how cheaper will it be (it sounds like those $600 computers which actually need +$1000 to do the basic things you need them to do...) with the promise of "modernization", which no one knows what it stands for, and higher quality. Dude, modernization means it will be made modern, and modern means only that it will be new, not that it will be better. It's not said that it will be "improved", only that it will be "modernized". That can mean that the notifications will arrive by e-mail.

After you read and freeze in horror at the load of nothing fed by Mr. Clinton to the American People, you go to the site of Mr. Obama, and what do you see? I though I did something wrong, because it's a copycat of Ms. Clinton's site. Went to healthcare to do some comparisons, and it's all the same! The same plans, the same actions and the same lack of definition. Okay, Obama does say he will pass as a law that every American should be covered by a health care plan, but what kind and how will it work? The same blank filled with deaf word used by Clinton. I wonder, is it that the Democrat Party gives its candidates a template? Win on looks because we are all doing the same... and in the same way. Disappointing to say the least. And meanwhile people is out there suffering, and what does the current presindent do? Nothing. He's playing with his toy soldiers, hiding from people asking him whatthe heck is wrong with the economy.

There was an article yesterday about America falling into recession and how hard it was to determinate how long would it take to get out of it, or how deep would it fall. Some say the recession started in December, some won't even acknowledge it, sure that the Government is still in time to fix it and save them all. Okay, lemme give you some pointers:

1. The start of the war in 2001 was an attempt to find a way to reactivate the economy, which was falling since the late 90's.
   
2. The war goes on, eats up the budget and the country sinks
3. The war is made the most important issue on the table and so the rest is left to fall into pieces.
4. Tax cutting: from where will the Government have money?
5. Tax cutting, social programs cutting. No wonder.

In economics we have seen through history that after wars a depression is expected, but then a great economical expansions come. Now, when there's a war, all the money and resources are focused to the war, so money stops flowing to other activities. That's why in times of war a lot of stuff becomes harder to get, or much more expensive. There's no money either for imports, and exports drop due to the fact that no one is producing. When the war is over, well, people will have to go back to the old, if it hadn't been destroyed, and start all over again. Things will still hard to get for a while, because food and products don't spring out of the thin air. Many enterprises might not be able to open again, and so those that depended of them will have to find new sources. Add to it, there will be people coming back from the front that will need to get a job again. After a time of war with no money, the enterprises will have no workers and no money to hire people. People will be out there with no jobs no money and no chances to get a new job because no one will be hiring. Since there will be no one to hire because there's no money, guess what? There will be nothing to sell, and then again, no money to hire people.

How can the economy be reactivated? Well, the Government should aid the people by helping the enterprises with afordable loans, and extending people different aids to feed and find jobs. If you see, the Government is to make a social activity: help people and enterprises stand up again on their feet. Making a war is not nearly enough, nor the solution to improve an economical situation.

It's nice that some stuff about this is considered in the campaigns, but it's sad that it's all treated so superficially, so uninterestingly, using big, pleasing words while saying nothing concrete. Of course, no one wishes to compromise. You promise and promise to get the votes, but your promises are hollow. You are really promising nothing because you intend to do nothing of what you are promising. And meanwhile, the country is left in a limbo, rolling around and suffering, waiting from now for the next elections as if their needs could be turned off for these months.

Politics is not only about elections, is about everyday, about decisions that seek the greater good. It seems, though, that this is no longer the idea behind politics.

Bill to Keep Severaly Mentally Ill from buying Guns

... okay, up to this morning I thought the stupidest thing in the world was my boss, but then I was proved wrong. I check the news and what do I see in my Washington Post? President Bush signs a bipartisan legislation to forbid guns to be sold to "severaly mentally ill" people. Okay, does that mean that up to this day even the looney, craziest motherfucker in the States could buy a gun? Just like that? Geez, I'm surprised there's still people living there! According to the article, this has been result of the Virginia Tech shooting.

I would like to know what it takes for the Government of the United States to understand that the problem with violence is that everybody is armed. So letting people keep their guns or, okay, only the not-so-looney ones is not the solution. Not only the crazy people kill, for as far as I know, the sane people tend to kill more. Kill, wound, threaten... And then, "severaly mentally ill" is not an exact measure but a subjective measurement that can vary from psychatrist to psychiatrist. The solution would be, in my opinion, to ban all guns save the ones used by the police or sport, but otherwise, people should not be allowed to have guns or any kind of weapon. And if the issue here is the right of people to be safe, well, that's what the police is for. They should make better security policies, apply the Law better, pro-citizen and have efective enforcement, but while people is allowed to own guns, people will be dying in violent, senseless ways.

Today another article said that the U.S. has slipped to the last position regarding health care among the 19 most industrialized countries. First, I wonder which would be it's position compared with all the countries in the world, and Hyne forbid, if it finds itself behind one or more "developing" countries. Second, the thought that comes to mind is how the U.S. is slipping. The currency falters, its trust is broken, health is broken, education levels are broken, poverty, hunger, violence infest it like a disease... what is left soon, but a large expense of land arid, abused and maybe even sickened under the polution, the toxic substances and the asphalt and concrete poured onto it. And this is the "Great Muscle", the "Great World Power"? If it is so, I can't but feel pity for the world.

I can't help but ask again, when will people take back the control that has been so bravely conquered by the French Revolution, fought for in so many countries, in so many ways, Hyne, remember Chicago and the women who died for equity, remember so many brave Union workers who gave their lives against Ford! Was the democracy of the world expected, the Soviet Shadow's fall awaited so that men would be sold like cattle to the new power-lords? This disgusting breed of brainless dictators?

We are men. We are human. We are not like this.

The Need to "FUCK".

Why people "need" to fuck?
They don't need to, but everybody wants to because it's fun.

The problem is that many assholes make a "need" out of a desire, just to justify their fucking horney nature and make it look like something "meant to be that way". (Applies to males, because females should "starve" and fuck only one male their whole life. Uhum... yeah, watch me...)

Sex for procreation. Yeah. Sex is to make more people, but sex without making more people is fun, so fuck it, wrap the condom on and lets get the party started! Not because of need, but just for the fun of it, because it feels good.

Sex for recreation. Honestly, is there any other kind of sex? In today's world, maybe "sadly", but truth is that children are but a byproduct of sex, like the hangover after drinking. Yeah, sure, we love them, and there's people who fuck because they want to have children. I'm not one of them.

It's like art. Having sex is like painting a picture: it can be horrid, it can be astonishing. Great. You have your art. Then you can sell it, the money you get is the "children". Something that comes out of the painting, but doesn't happen with every painting. Do you paint only to get money, or can you paint only to accumulate pictures?

Do you need to paint? Do you need to fuck? Shit yeah if you are a hornball or compulsive, but otherwise... it's just the fun of doing it.

Try to keep it real.

"Hoax", a novel by Robert Tannenbaum

Why did I bought this book? Oh, yes, because I thought it would be a nice mystery novel about priests molesting little boys. The topic was quite a trend when I bought the book, and I wanted to see a fictional reflection of it. Unlike my friend Carrie, I am not into "sex with minors", Hyne forbid "sex with children", for I find it scarry and too improper, not to mention, forcing kids into adult situations revolts my stomach, make it sex, war, work... kids must be kids, and whomever dares to take that from them should be skinned with a potato peeler and left to be eaten by the beasts. I do was hoping to get a few glimpses of something juicy, which in my case is more on the line of "psychological twistedness", and why not? some gay sex (between adults). But the main idea was the "plot".

Mr. Tannenbaum is a lawyer, and I hope he does better as a lawyer, because the book was far from good. Au contraire. The plot was saggy, badly built, IF built at all. There were hilts of hard, rought rape thrown into the mix like a way to keep you in the topic, but it was all too bad to be real. I would have thrown the book out of the window if the windows of the plane could be opened. And believe me, I tried. Even considered stashing it into the toilet.

The book works on several lines that will tend to join. There's a recurrent use of "start by the end" kind of storytelling with at first is nice and by the second-third time is annoying. The characters are either flat or ... "plain", which, yeah, it's the same. There's no dimension to either of them. The family circumstances of the (what was their name?) Karps are just too ludicrous. I mean, Italian, catholic mother with maffia complex married to Jew DA raise an extremely intellingent girl and to gorgeous twins. Mom can't stay with the family because "her past haunts her" but goes bonking Dad like the next Girl of the Playboy Mansion. The family story is bad and too exagerated. Well, maybe, id you make them all... elves and make it into a sci-fi story and then say there's an ancient curse on them, it might work. Otherwise it's gonna get you puking worse than all the turbulence in the sky.

The book is wasted on who-wants-whom and how-they-try-to-get-into-their-pants, plus a lot of really pointless explanations, detailing and shit that drives you nowhere. Murder here and there, and up to the last minute you just want to know how do they find all that. Because there must be some case-breaking shit, right? Wrong. And I'm spoiling it because you really don't want to waste your money to find out that, at the end, everything is rendered to the DA, and that's it. Case closed, bad men into jail... oh, and you will wonder, what the hell happened with Alejandro Gracía's case? Well, don't wait for an answer in the book, because suddenly the kid is going to the University. Oh yeah, because NY is kinda like France, where there's not such thing as "affording education" because it's for free. Oh yeah, because scholarships are there for the taking. Dude, I'll tell a friend of mine to stop paying all that money for some half assed degree and go for Law or Med to New York! It's for free there!!

It's not funny either that everytime the author mentions a recount of the things happened so far, he tells how the teller feels he or she's telling some bad cop story or some bad movie. Well, if the plot is so bad, DON'T WRITE IT, DUDE! Yes, it's bad, and unreal, and stupid and it could have been fixed with a good ending, but not that SHIT of an ending you wrote! Oh, oh, and there's more! There are more book of this man, and they also feature THE KARPS!! Like one time wasn't enough.

No plot, no direction, no rhythm, and an underlaying despise for both the catholic church and the Latin community. It was a waste of time and money I recommend others to avoid.

The Worth of "Sorry".

What is with people that think everything can be fixed with "sorry"? Sorry is just a word that doesn't make things better.

New Jersey: Sorry we kept 12000 black slaves and they weren't emancipated until 1846. Well, let me give you some news: slavery hasn't been emancipated because the world is still full with people living in slavery. Even in the United States. "Emancipated" means only that the slaves you get have to be worked in the dark. So sorry means nothing. Or should Rome issue an apology for all the people enslaved during the ancient times in the Empire? I never unsterstood the point in saying "sorry" in such a late date. For instance, if I were Jew and suddenly Germany issued an apology for the holocaust, what does it mean to me? Nothing! I wasn't there, it affected, perhaps my family, but I wasn't my grandpa or my grandma, I didn't suffer, and those apologizing didn't dealt the suffering, so it's hollow. Being sorry has many shades that the sole word can't cover, and asking forgiveness, saying sorry "just because it's about time" is an insult to whatever damage, hurt have happened.

Okay, it might mean that you admit something you did was wrong... we all do. Do we need someone from Hitler's family to admit that what he did was bad? Fuck no! We all know that! Will it make the world a better place if President Bush were to admit that he planned 9-11 and that he pushed his country into a senseless war, attacking innocent people, threatening other countries' souvereignity for his own profit and a power-boost, and then he said "sorry" for that? Certainly not. After the economy was declared to be "sound", which we all knew it was not, and now slowly Bush admits that it's not "sound", does it make a difference? No. Words can be carried away by the wind. Words are empty. It's the meaning what makes the difference, the well timed meaning, the solving of the issues, not the hollow speeches.

Saying sorry when since years ago people know you did something bad, and half admitting a truth everybody knows, makes you only one thing: a fucking bullshitter.

People should consider better what they say.

It seems I have it in Me

Checking a little over my last entry, damned, it sounds like I still want to fuck Jules. So it makes me think: Do I still want to fuck Jules? I make a mega effort to keep myself honest, since, really, "honesty" and I are a repelent-mix. Fuck, I'm a "crab", I have a hard time going ahead unless it is for a frontal attack, which I don't do often. (This wasn't my main topic of the day, by the way. The title was meant for something else...)

So do I?

Truth to be told, me being a man in a woman's body (namely a gay man in a woman's body), I'm so into sex that damned, I would pretty much fuck anything nice and fuckable... within standards. If it gives me the hots, I'll land it. That sounds like I'm a whore or something, but I don't see myself that way. I just don't waste my time skirting around the topic and beating around the bushes. I get bored fast, so I better fuck the dude right when I'm interested. Why would I wait? So that the guy thinks that I'm "interested in something else" and starts considering a "relationship"? Fuck no!!! Like that ain't the point, dude! Perhapst that's why I prefer random encounters with men who I will probably never see again. Okay, sometime that sucks because, really, some guys are SMOKING HOT and MINDBLOWING GOOD and real gods among men, but that's the way it is. It's better a good memory and the desire to repeat it than a relationship gone sour where you can't even remember those times when sex and conversation was out of this world.

Achieve this level of balanced no-strings-attached-sex with friends is usually complicated, since you see your friend often, and guys may take it the bad way when you only want to fuck without paying for it with castration (monogamy) and other commitments and stupidities as a "higher level friendship with priorities". Or otherwise, a "VIP Friendship". Dude, a fuck is a fuck. Good or great, really, sex is sex, so leave it like that! Enjoy it! It's like eating: just because we ate together or we cooked for each other once or ocasionally, it doesn't mean I'll only eat with you or cook for you. Geez... I have a few friends with whom I occasionally sleep, and I love them to death because, really, they don't care that I score randomly, and they also score randomly and we talk about the people we get, and it's cool.

I do tell Jules every single detail of my sexcapades, (save the juicy parts like: "... and as we hit the bed, he reached down on me and rubbed me up so good he had to put a pillow on my face or the police would have come knocking down the door... and then he did this thing, like he held me down by the neck, and stilled his hip so I would fuck myself on his cock. Really... great.") but would that be the same if I would land him? Honestly, after the higher quality of my last influx of men, there's nothing in Jules that could arouse me. Do not misunderstand me, I love him to madness and I feel a deep tenderness for him. I would do anything in my power to make him happy, honest, but... he doesn't have what it takes to make me wanna rape his ass. (Not like I have raped anyone in my life.) His eyes are not green or blue or grey, nor expressive and big enough to hold be breathless. His physique is not as shapely as I like them, and he lacks that certain flirty, "malin" attitude I love in man. He's too much of a gentleman to be the hot, self-assured, cocky, mischievous conqueror that can sweep me off my feet. Someone a bit more "up to the moment", with an easier smile and less troubles to bring into a quick rumble. Someone who can stick is dick into something without falling in love into it and wishing for a long relationship. Perhaps the problem is also that we have too much history to just go bed-hopping. Not like I couldn't, fuck, I could break a few beds with him and then continue all happy-go-lucky as if nothing would have happened. If he works me, most likely he can get me in bed, but... he has the same chance anyone I have ever considered as a potential "fuck" for "lean times". Not like that's an extensive list. But then, why would I eat chicken when I can have lamb? Or deer? Or the best dish of France? (hehehehehe...) The problem is that he wouldn't be any special. He would be just another "fuck" in my book. Another notch in my bedpost. Can I give him more than a notch? Truth to be told? No. Only what I give him now. I couldn't certainly offer him a relationship other than friendship. Does he want that? I believe not.

Then again, he doesn't want to fuck me because he's not into me. Odd, but yeah. Not every mortal worships the same god or goddess. I don't have what he wants. So, we are even. Yeah, friendship is our thing.

Kate obviously like chicken and she wants her "chicken". Hey, I like finer meats, so she can have her chicken, have it at home and have her daily influx of chicken. I'm more the hunter, so I walk the woods and look around for that delicatessen that would make the envy of everybody else raise like fever.

As a matter of fact, the prey seems to follow me. I hooked another flight attendant. It was the Taca's Flight Attendant Officer, Mauricio Montoya. Too bad I'm not really into him, but he engrosses my list of "food for the leaner times". He does have a coworker, some Erick or something like that that does look like calf, and calf is good. (He's latin, so he will never raise to lamb or deer, since I have a distinctive preference towards Europeans...) It seem that hooking up people up in the air is far easier than one would think. And actually, I hooked up a complete stranger in Paris, right off the Rue Maubeuge. This is what I have in me: this capacity to hook up with men, in situation other would only dare to imagine or would think possible only in porn movies. I'm gifted! Fuck, I'm hot.

Getting Ready To Join The Struggle

It's 55 minutes before midnight and tonight I can't get into bed late. Tomorrow I have to take my plane back home, and leave home. The pain known only to those with two homes. I'm happy because I won't have to put up with the minus temperatures, but mostly I'm sad because I don't wish to leave my home. Add to it, this time hardship is waiting for me, namely my fight to free myself from my current boss to move up to the Quality Evaluation Section, where new challenges are to welcome me and put my skills to the test. The whole idea of having to face my workplace with a war-like attitude pains me. I love my work, and it hurst me deeply to be forced to fight the puny interests of lowlife status-climbers in order to put my skills at the service of those who can make the best out of them.

My trip has been a complete success full with the most amazing experiences ever. I know I still owe you a detailed recount of my trip to Wien, and I must add to the tab, that I also owe you the recounts of what was like at the Gödöllő Royal Castle, as well as at Szentendre. I have not made my "advertizing" of Gliss Kur, the FABULOUS shampoo, conditioner and nutritive hair oil that has made my hair far more beautiful than ever. I have not told you yet about my near-marriage-experience, which was frightening, but from which I have earned a private joke with Malachite, whom I call now playfully "husband". He has already called me "wife". Would I not felt threatened, I would have the time of my life watching my sweet friend trying to fend off his mother's repeated attempts at getting him to marry me and have children. I have not told you either about this wonderful man, Laszlo Csapó, who's soul id beautiful, who's voice is balsamic and who's behavior is breathtaking. A true gentleman, who has made me feel like a Princess. I have seen a man raise above the average and take the elegant, graceful, lavish way of flattering, complimenting and treating a lady, in a world where I believed people have forgotten about the good life and the delicate pleasure taken from the very best things in the world.

Well spoken, well mannered, literated, assertive, observing, appreciative... I must say, he made me feel adult and in the company of a grown up, mature person with whom I could freely let go my otherwise displaced way of expressing myself. He made me feel it's perfectly okay to speak as if I were writing, using as many poetic adjectives as I needed to express the fullness of the thought, and he let his higher knowledge flow as well to express his opinions and his ideas. A man, able to appreciate the Art Nouveau style of a building, and choose a coffeehouse not only for what you can eat or drink, but also for the architechture and also for the great classic, live music played with an arp. A man, who knows the places artists frequent and has de fine delicacy of pointing out for you those elements he believes you might find beautiful.

Yes, this has been a trip full of so many enlightening and rich experiences it keeps my heart and my soul in desperate desire for more. I have dipped my foot in the warm waters of my home, and I can't wait to come back. My so expressed desire has made people happy, has made family and friends expectant of what will be the end of this (which only the Lord knows, of course, and whatever the end, it will bem without any trace of doubt, the best end), has changed the desire to leave the country of some friends, who has expressed in soft, kind words that they would not leave, since they can't give up the chance to stay close once again, and it also has rose the displeasure of others.

Thought it's not outspoken, the girlfriend of one of my best friends, whom I really love a lot, dislikes me. Oh, she says and wears that she loves me and likes me a lot, but the truth is, now sustained by an overwhealming amount of evidence, is that she doesn't like me. Or maybe not as much as she not liking me, as more like she doesn't like the relationship between her boyfriend and me. An initial meeting where we instantly liked each other, (in spite of me disliking the fact that she's involved to the elbows in a pyramid society selling all kinds of beauty products, and cleaning products and all kinds of shit made of natural stuff with no animal protein or peroleum "because that's bad and mummifies the skin" [she hasn't heard about Botox...]) but as we further got to meet with each other, her maniatic control over my friend, not to mention her desperate need to demosntrate who is the Alpha Female, if such thing exists, borders histery. The more I have had the doubious pleasure of meeting her, the less I like her to the point that I have no feelings for her, either positive or negative, I can't give a rat's ass about her, but I'm dead-set on avoiding any further contact with her live. I won't expose myself anymore to her psychological mistreatment, I have two bosses perfectly capable of doing so, and currently doing it labouriously.

As for if my friend realizes the fucked-up situation, I have no idea, but I hope he does. I mean, I know I'm drop dead gorgeous, and it doesn't help that, thought I did my best not to be Goddess-Gorgeous for the New Year's Eve, I still was the hottest piece of ass. I guess it doesn't help either that I'M like younger than her, that I have a better job and a definitivelly better paycheck, or that I take a trip to Hungary all the way from Costa Rica, and STILL I make YET ANOTHER trip to Wien, just because I "felt like it". Okay, me complaining about "AGAIN seeing Paris at night... the things you do for the Fuck of the Millenium" might not have helped my situation. Or the fact that her boyfriend and I lip-peck (it was HIM!!!!), hug each other and the "I love You"-s flow as free as water in the ocean. Still, he's fucking her and I'm fucking whomever I want, which is normally an assorted handful of drop-dead-gorgeous men too perfect to be behold otherwise than on one's knees with a prayer on the lips. The Lord has certainly been kind to me in that department.

So, let me give you quickly the pointers:

1. I'm his FRIEND and as such I belong among HIS FRIENDS, not his IN-LAWS. A hottie like me has no business being introduced to the in-laws of my friends, and spending a sojourn with them. It doesn't help either that he's unable to explain who am I when the word for friend in Hungarian must be paired with gender and a friend who is a woman is a GIRLFRIEND, and YET he seemd unable to make the rounding explanations or say "she's my best friend", which even paired with the gender will take off the sexual inuendo. Yes, it doesn't help that instead of explianing, he ruins MY explaning by pretending that he indeed has two girlfriends. (Who died and made you Hugh Hefner?)
2. The New Year's plans where not planned out. I was CLEAR about me not going to her folks' place. Did I give options? Yes, one was "too expensive" ($20?????????) and the other one, joining the celebration at the street, was reason enough for her to ill-naturedly make fun of me. Okay, why is the idea so "idiotic" when people around the Globe does it? As a matter of fact, it's actually SHOWN on tv around the world how in other countries people gather at activities arranged on streets and squares to receive the New Year. It actually pissed me off that thanks to her temper tantrum I wasn't able to join the fun of celebrating with a lot of happy people feeling good among their piers and then be able to say at home to my friends: "You saw that celebration in Hungary? I was there!!!". Oh, but that's primitive and only retrograde "Costa Ricans" go celebrating on the street. Hey, don't look at me, I'm only quoting the bitch. Since, you know, she has such a vast experience at how "Costa Rican's" behave... in spite of me being Hungarian, thank you very much.

It makes me wonder, you know, that being such a retrograde behavior, people in Paris actually celebrate as well in the street, or people in New York celebrate at the Times Square. There are more Costa Rican's around the world than I thought...

We went to the place of a friend of hers where she made a point out of ridiculizing me and my friend. Me on my "idiotic ideas about celebration" and my friend about his "insuferable flaws, which really, make him such an unlivable jerk, so he better starts changing his attitude or else". Honey, after this, don't wonder if your boyfriend rather hugs me and hold me and keeps me warm on the street, or if he smiles at me, jokes with me, talks to me and kisses me, holds me tight and has plastered on his face the pain of having to let me go from his side for another year. She was a bitch. He might do her bidding, but she's nothing to me, I'm not fucking her, so see if I'm out there to please her. P-Lease! Wake up and smell the coffee! I knew all along what was I up to if I went to their place, and I really wasn't in the mood of watching Hungarian National TV with people I have no relation whatsoever, to common topic whatsoever while she and my friend are upstair having a quicky. Oh "I didn't know, couldn't know before hand"? Well, her bitchy attitude has not deterred me from my original assuption, so I believe that, yes, that was the plan all along, so she can stablish herself as the Alpha Female. Bitch, really, grow up. I mean, I can score someone like that hot Frenchman, a true god in every sense of the word, I have at my full disposition a beautiful eyed sex slave, and I have all the equipment to yet go and score fresh meat, I just made a hot, well dressed obviously well earning, money-lined man turn after me in the street (because I might be darker than the average European, but people assume I'm either Spanish or Italian, while you are, at all signs... not-so-hot-comodity), why would I want my friend?

Okay, time of coming clean: I had a crush on him. I love him. He makes my knees weak. He can fool me around because he knows my buttons, BUT I wouldn't get into his pants from my own volition after he down right turned me off in 2005 when I did my attempt at scoring him and I failed. If he didn't want when I wanted, now I don't want him. If something EVER happens between us, it will be fleeing, and purely to satisfy pent-up sex... like with anyother of my friends. I couldn't be his girlfriend even if I were handsomely paid for it. So, the idea of me snatching him away from her is farfetched. Besides, really, with all the good men I can score, and I really love my friend, why in the fucking hell would I choose him? No pun intended, I really, really love him and he's very important to me, but why would I? For me, love is not nearly enough for a relationship, if I were into relationships, which I'm not.

Well, I'm leaving, and this is not my mess. It's up to my friend now to come clean with a few things, and perhaps make some decisions. I love him and I care about him, but really, I'm not putting up with shit just because he has chosen a hag to hang with. I still love him, but as his friend for the past 13 years, he owes me a little bit of respect, and I will demand it and enforce it if I must.