Reading Rush Week ended last week and this week many booktubers and bookstagrammers came out of it feeling a bit out of space and not knowing what to do with themselves. This was a very intense week for those participating, as many content creators and readers usually don't read seven books in a week. And if you throw into it also creating reading rush daily dare/tasks and publishing them, well, yes, there was no time for living.
When it was all done and finished, many posted how many books they managed to read and how many pages. One of these content creators is a friend of mine, and she succeeded in the Rush. Proudly, she shared with the world her reading statistics for this rush. Under her post, a hater started calling her a liar and telling her she cheated and probably didn't even understood the books for how fast "she read". She was clearly affected - because she's really such a nice girl - and so she let know her closest friends about it, and we went to see what was going on.
It was a case of a cyberbully, a troll, who likes to attack people in general on invented arguments. She has the blessing of having an entourage that went out like a swarm of wasps and dug up all the date on the bully, so we could understand his behavior better. We knew then that hewas harassing all sorts of influencers and people in the book community with similar comments: people can't possibly read that fast, it's biologically, mathematically and statistically impossible, and so on. Some of us replied to him - I was a meanie and blocked him, so I laughed because then I heard he attacked me, BUT I could not hear him, so I gave him what he hates the most: zero attention - and then we advised her to block him. She was uncertain because she feared he would go mad, but after a whole day under his attack - despite of her sustained silence - she decided to block him.
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| Source: taken from Black Witch Coven. Please give them <3 td=""> |
This got me thinking about what we do and how we react to harassment and abuse. Why is it that WE are the ones being harassed, being insulted, abused, AND still we do not want to offend our abusers? Yes, there is a measure of fear, because we think things could be worse if we "provoke" them.
In some cultures more than others, people tend to lean toward polite, non-confrontational or passive behavior, and they expect people to notice they are being mean and then stop doing it. We often think others are just like we are, and just because we would feel bad about attacking someone else, we think others would feel bad about it too. The thing is that bullies don't work like that, instead they profit from the tendency on people not to call them out because that allows them to keep abusing their victims. They thrive on the space you give them and abuse of your politeness and social expectations. But also, as you allow them to continue abusing you, they grow bolder and bolder, so by the time you finally reach your limit and decide to cut them off or stop them, it would be much harder than at the begining. They have worn you out, they have grown stronger and they know your weak spots.
It's kind of similar to when someone mistreats you, you cut them off and them forgive them, allow them back in and they resume their abuse, only the second time around it will be harder to stop because they know you how to get you to forgive them and receive them back. The longer you take abuse from a troll, the more they know how much are you willing to give and how much you are afraid of escalation.
Facing bullying online is "easier" in the sense that we can block the person. Just block the given person's user and all their access to you. Black list them, make yourself unreachable, report them... go the whole nine yards. It is harder in real life because we could be physically threatened or we could be in a position where our abuser have power over us through emotional, familiar, work or study related means. We can't block people in real life with a button, and sometimes we can't draw a hard line, but there are things we can do.
Online, let's defend ourselves not by antagonizing the troll (although I did that, just because I felt like ticking them and run), but by taking away their platform and block them. No need to explain, no need to reply, just block and erase. You owe them nothing and you don't need to give them nothing. Blocking them from your social media or your e-mails and chats isn't an attack on "freedom of speech". If they want to express themselves, they can get a blog or pay and add in a newspaper.
In real life, limit your interactions with them, avoid being alone with them, or alone with them and the people that get on their side. If you need to interact with them, don't give them explanations: be short and get away. Be not afraid of walking away the moment they start harassing you. And start looking for ways to either move or report them. Talk to others, create a support system around yourself, talk it out. Sometimes your friends can come up with clever solutions for your issues. Talk, listen and protect yourself.
There are no easy, quick solutions for harassment, but we must remember (or try to) that we can do something to fight it.
