Filling up the Calendar

Property of Stormberry

 I was thinking the other day about comfort zones and why on Earth would anyone willingly seek to abandon their comfort zone. Don't you want to live in a comfortable manner? It does rub me the wrong way when the phrase "comfort zone" is used to refer to a place of destructive, stagnant mediocrity. In my mind, a comfort zone is like that perfect spot in the couch or the sofa, where you like to curl up with a book to read, where the coffee table or the ant table is at that right angle for you to put your glass of wine, your cup of coffee, light a candle and put on a John Coltrane record.

I think that, if you are in a comfort zone, congratulations! A lot of people struggle to find a comfortable, livable life, so don't give up yours.

I am in my personal comfort zone, and I don't plan on leaving it.

However, in my confort zone there are also places that need work and organization. Part of my comfort zone is my studying, which currently is about working on my Master's thesis, so I'm working slowly and surely on that. I'm also trying to add some social activism, because in my comfort zone I also want to be able to do something for my community. Yes, that might not sound as "comfort zone" for some, BUT my concept of comfort zone is about feeling good, being able to relax and enjoy myself, and is not about being lazy. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condemn being lazy, just as I don't celebrate hyper productivity. Allowing yourself spaces to enjoy laziness, and even have lazy days are something we all need. My comfort zone is about being happy, enjoying life and building a life where I can think that I actually succeed at this "life" thing (and I do!).

Next week starts with a holiday - May 1st, the International Workers' Day - and then I took Thursday off for a Thesis Day. I'll have a meeting with my tutor, so I'm really excited. And on Monday, if all goes well, I plan on joining the Workers' March in order to protest against a bill that would legalize 12 hour work days (12 effective work hours per day, where lunch and rest time won't be deducted from it) in the country. That's my activism, and I intend on seeking ways to get more involved in labour economics' activism.

Since I started my second YouTube Channel, planner and journaling videos have been a weekly task for me, but this weekend and the next are already covered, as I shot, uploaded and programmed the next videos. However, I already planned ideas for videos for the next weeks and up to September. I started already shooting some B-rolls and planning on how to do the rest.

At work I've also been pushing on my tasks and working to keep everything up to speed, and maybe even get ahead of some stuff. Just getting ready with everything. We are finishing April and I have still managed to keep a clean mail inbox, where the only three e-mails are about a seminar in two weeks, an in-person meeting next week and a notificatoion I keep as reminder that someone else has to finish something. And we are nearly in May!

Have I mentioned that we are in Mercury Retrograde?

I'm also amazed at how I have managed to keep my filofax "in line", with all the pages neatly fitting, passing the "ring test". I remove pages as needed, review what I have, what I need to take out, what needs to be included, and so I keep it manageable. I play in my mind with crazy ideas, such as buying a Filofax Heritage in Personal, just to try it out, but I seriously doubt that day will come (this year). I have also thought of getting a Personal Filofax Malden, but I must admit that I really dislike the leather penloops of the Malden's because they catch inside and the folded leather bunches up and makes it hard to use. Maybe I'm getting much into the "Planner+Journaling Content Creator"-mode there in that regard, or maybe my mind if flying ten thousand ways for some reason. Maybe I need to burn mind-energy. But be it as it may, I've been on a planner hype as of late, inspite of the Retrograde.

I write things down, I update my online calendars to make sure all my witchy rituals are in there, so I don't forget auspicious dates and so on, and they also get into my filofax, along with my cleaning schedule. And this is how I opened my filofax to check how my next week will look like, and Holy Mother of the Wenn, it looks full!

Should I take a page from the message of the Retrograde and go inside, introspect a little, retrieve into myself and stop filling my calendar to the brim? After all, in keeping my comfort zones, I also need to enjoy the peace and delight of them, of a life happy, relaxed and sans souci.

Thoughts and Such

 

Property of Stormberry
Witch Kit by Casa de las Lunas, Costa Rica

I have a gozillian disconnected ideas in my head right now, and so, I'm going to go with them as I type. And on the subject of typing, I still think from time to time that I would like a typewriter, to use here and there, to have that lovely sound in my home, and maybe to work some of my creative projects there, like a XX. century writer. I already have an ashtray, a coffee mug, so all I need is the typewriter and the space to place it. 

I may have a "thing" with keys, as I also wanted so much a piano, and now, FINALLY I have a piano in my home. Not a small, portable, electric piano, but a real, vertical Sohmer&Co, 88 key piano. It still needs some fixing and tuning, and then I can start in earnest to download piano lessons and rescue my old, incipient knowledge about playing piano. I know that will take a bit of time - dependant mostly on the available recources to pay for the fixing and tuning - but I'm confident I'll get there.

Update on My Life

So, things have been going quite nicely, quite smoothly as of late. After the Holy Week holidays, things seem to flow nicely. Sure, there are still plenty of "real life concerns", or shall we call them "adulting stuff", such as managing money in the short, medium and long terms, planning for upcoming payments and so on, but with all of that included, life is really nice. Adulting doesn't bother me, which is nice, since I'm 47 and it means that by now, I have spent most of my life being an adult.

Property of Stormberry

These days have been very productive for me, and I'm so very happy for that. :) I've gone back into working on my thesis with renewed enthusiasm, as I've got a better footing and a clearer idea on where I want to go, and most importantly how I want to go. I still had not feedback from my tutor, but I'm working hard reviewing material and preparing my next chapter, so I can fully tweek up my research instruments (those would be my questionaires), select my subjects and proceed.

Next week I plan a thesis day, so I took the day out from work, and will go to the University, request the MSc office and work there concentrating ONLY on my thesis. And drinking free coffee. I know, my life is just fabulous, and I know it! I also plan to help out the librarian by participating in a small forum about books that have television series or Netflix series. Not that I have read that many, but that's what they want to talk about for their Book Fair Week. And if there are books available, guess who has two thumbs and is going to totally profit from it? (Me!)

Random thought: Bags

As you may know, I love watching videos about planners, journals and related stuff. Well, one of those related things are bags, and I LOOOOOVE bags. I am the kind of person that gives more attention to bags than to shoes. I mean, sure, I have shoes and some are... pretty? but shoes are not a passion of mine. Bags are a passion of mine, specially leather bags. I know, I know, leather bags are heavier, so they may not be the smartest choice for carrying the unholy amount of things I tend to carry with me, but I love them. I also prefer leather planners and leather bound journals... when I can find them, and the amount and quality of the paper fits my requirements.

Property Stormberry

Anyway, as result of this, by feed in YouTube is full of videos about planners, but also of bag reviews and what's-in-my-bag videos. I have been checking some of them, and I must say I enjoy so much the sound of zippers being pulled on lofty, leather bags, or the way the leather sounds when you are rumaging inside the bag, pulling things out or putting them in. Invariably, as result of me watching these videos, I end up cheching online stores of these bags, and then being quickly disenchanted, because the prices of the products are high.

Today was one of those days, where I watched reviews of Fossil bags, and I was so in love until I saw the prices. Then this got me thinking, as I actually have plenty of bags but don't use them that often as I work from home. But even when I used to commute daily to the office, I tended to pick one bag and use it ad nauseum, until, for some unfathomable reason I changed my bag. Slowly, I'm going out more - and for instance, for the Thesis Day I will pack up a bag and go to the Uni - but then I have realized that I also tend to use totebags as bags. And I mean those bookbag totebags, or shopping bag totebags. These make no sound, are not to supple to the touch, but have hardly any weight and I can pack them chock full with more stuff than any other bag in town.

Evidently, bags have a functional side to them, but boy, don't we love them when they are also pretty? And one thing totebags have, is that they can be so pretty and so expressive. Like t-shirts.

Do we Owe an Explanation to Everybody?

Around February I cut ties with someone who, up to that point, I considered a friend. It was a person that turned out to be a narcissist, and I'm not just saying that because now it's "fashionable to call people narcissist", as some think, BUT because this person fits the bill to a T. I left you a link in the word "narcissist" below if you want to check the signs of a narcissist in more detail. This person in question did check all the points, and funny enough, it took me years to realize that.

By February I already wasn't feeling like going out with this person as their antics were going trully annoying, and no matter how I tried to bring their attention to the fact that they things they said weren't nice, or the things they voiced were completely false, they didn't seem to care in the least, nor even aknowledge them. However, as January was coming to an end, this person did something that created great tension with a lot of people, and put others in an awful situation. This sounds ominous, so I'll explain: this person claimed a friend in common was organizing a grill party at their place for an event in February, and that we were all invited to go. The truth was that no such even was being organized, and this friend in common didn't have the means to throw the grill party. 

When confronted with the lie, this person doubled down and claimed it was the friend in common who had made the party into a much bigger thing than what it really was, because "you know how they are". I do know how this friend is, and is not like that. This fall in to many traits of the narcissist, such as the lying, the demeaning of others, as well as the fantasy life they build for themselves, not to mention the clear sense of entitlement they have by putting others to rush and organize the party they wanted to have.

Clearly, others had to rush in and call of a party that had never really been called in, explain that there had been no ill intention in "not calling them personally, because there have never been a party organized", and so on. The trait present here is that if not taking any responsability, not accepting criticism

Anyway, I told this person how all their lies had caused a conmotion and that I wasn't up to be used to in such a nasty way. They still pretended to be innocent, have no idea what had happened, it was not them, and so on. So, I stopped talking to them. They still sent a message weeks after, asking why was I upset, they have never done anything with any ill intention, and so on. And in a narcissist way, they said that they would "give me time" to get over it. Since when is my time theirs to give or withhold? In case you wonder, this is a trait of entitlement, which is one of the most common with this person.

Anyway, I went on ignoring them, and with time I went and blocked them off all platforms. Or almost all platforms. Yesterday this person went on Twitter and sent me a message there. Honestly, I didn't read it, I just blocked them and erased the message.

One of my friends, who know about this whole situation, asked me if it wouldn't be better to explain to them what's the case, so that they can move on. I think I could, but... have I not already done that? And to what effect? They kept replying and coming back with evident lies. Do I have to give them a chance to explain themselves? Why? I gain nothing from their explaining, specially because through the years I have seen them lie away all the criticism that has been given to them. I have heard them belittle the advise others have given them. Why would my observations have any other effect?

I think it's not a matter of whether others deserve explanations from you, but a matter of whether You think explaining yourself would be worth it. In this case, for me, any other word to this person would be a waste.

I share this will all of you, in case you are in a similar situation, and you are pulled in over and over by a narcissist person who demands that "you explain yourself" so that they can keep destroying you, belittling you, and pretending that your reasons are selfish or invalid. They are not.

Coffee table Thoughts

Property of Stormberry

 I'm elated today, as I managed to finish the context chapter of my MSc thesis. Such a small thing it seems for many, but such a huge one for me, as I was stuck, lost in options and completely paralyzed by the numbness of trying to write about something that never seemed to materialize before my eyes.  I had put to myself - finally -  a date for the chapter to be completely finished, also as a way to have some leverage when contacting my thesis director about retaking the work and pushing this project forward.

I have been working on this chapter for over a year, writing and rewriting, often feeling at loss, as the idea of what I want seemed to float before my eyes but bubbling so huge, there was no way to look at it and make it "doable". For bringing it into the world, I had the invaluable aid of my tutor, though I do believe he also had grand dreams about my research. He pulls more towards knowledge and education, while I pull harder towards the workforce and the labor market. It has been a complex mix, but we've been swimming around it.

As it happened, last year - for December - he asked to a "readable" context chapter, with whatever I had, and I was able to provide one 75% done. It entailed lots of cutting back, rewriting and reframing, and only the "education" segment was entirely missing. Then he was silent. But we were on vacations, so maybe there was that. On January I had to contact him again because we had to send an update of the advance, and he mentioned that he was out of the country "for a few months", and haven't checked what I sent him, "but he will soon, and send me his comments". I kinda freaked out, BUT up to that point I had not worked much on the last 25% of the chapter, contented with just checking data, websites, and collecting data here and there.

And time passed and I had no news from him, so I started to worry. I do like him very much, and I'm afraid nobody else would be able to understand my topic has he does, plus he has changed so much of my original proposal, that I now really need him to bring my vision through. So I wasn't looking forward to write to the University and inquire about him - I don't want to get him in trouble - but I need to contact him and get a reply. And so I devised this cunning idea: I'll finish the chapter, send it to him and ask him at once for a meeting to go over the chapter, the required corrections and the next step.

Living in a Catholic country, infused with the Spanish culture (or what's left of it), we had a Holy Week, which means a long holiday (completed with mandatory vacations), so I decided to take this Holy Week to dedicate to my thesis, to this chapter, and so I have. I organized the data, searched on the sites I had pegged for information, organized what I had, decided on a format that won't swell my chapter form 35 pages to 80 (originally my incomplete chapter WAS 80 pages with just the 50% of it), and so I worked really hard at it.

I finished the chapter today at noon, and printed it... kinda. I ran out of ink. Tomorrow - which is a National Holiday - I'll review it calmly, note stuff to fix, and then program an e-mail to be delievered to my director thesis on Tuesday (first workday) around 16.00 hrs (about when academic work starts), with the chapter and the meeting request.

Now I prepare my dinner, drink a beer and read Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D.H. Lawrence. I take small glimpses at the next week, thinking of a work meeting I don't want to have, because I know it's going to irk me (stupidity irks me), happy thinking that I would deal with the thesis procedures a day earlier, so I don't bother my tutor with untimely e-mails, while I won't add to my annoyance due to the meeting with my academic tasks pending. So, by careful planning and hard work, I'll be able to prepare for the annoying meeting, and have plety of cool-off time and cool-off chances.

Recently I also worked on a tentative terror short story, though I feel I'd like to work on a longer piece, a novel. I have loads of unfinished ideas, which I call "fragments", but also unfinished novels stashed around. Maybe I could work on that.

There is a delicious comfort around me, a warm softness and liberating solitude, full of books and journals and videos and spaces to express myself that make my life such a wonderful thing. Like walking in a soft soiled forest where even for the hardships and annoyances I can prepare myself so much better than those who live in concrete poured jungles.

Reflections & Moving On

 

Property of Stormberry

Life is a constant flow of movement, where all kinds of elements enter, roll around and move out. This is the thing in which we live, we could say. For some of us, some characteristics are desirable and valuated, like "stability" and "dependability", but in the end we must get to terms with the fact that even though there are things that will accompany us through the most or the whole of our life journey, most of things will eventually fall out. And such is people and the emotions we tie to them.

There is someone - I doubt to say "in my life" because, really, how much in my life is he? - for whom I have always harbored marked feelings. Not always positive feelings, but feelings are feelings. With him I had always been in that situation where you feel you have strong feeling, but they are a mixed bag of "I like him" or "I enjoy his company" with "I can't stand him" or "why isn't he dropping dead?". Let me put it like this: do you know that kind of person that you would really like to like, but can't avoid disliking? Like, you really have good reasons to like them, and they have some features you consider just amazing, but at the same time they also have features you would never want around you? Yeah, that one.

Heads up, toxic and manipulative people are like that.

So, there's this person whom I know, who is like that, and whom I couldn't quite ever got to love nor managed quite to ignore, though that last part isn't all that so: I have been able to ignore him for long periods in my life, when we moved in different circles and didn't saw each other. Him not being there never meant a feeling of something missing. However him being there always meant a rolling thought in my mind.

We used to have long conversations, and there was a time when we exchanged e-mails, and I enjoyed them very much. But then, as we came closer and started talking more, things started cracking. I still enjoyed things of our exchanges, but then these cracks - in the form of lies piled on top of more lies - started building up and I found it harder and harder to muster love and care for him. Yet I still remained his friend, but I started the process of "closing doors".

I call "closing doors" the process of cutting topics out of a relationship. Imagine that every relationship in your life is like a house, and each room of that house is a topic of conversation or a topic of life. As the relationship progresses, you realize that there are certain topics that are problematic. What I do, is that I shut the door on that topic and no longer discus it with that person, and so a room in the house of the relationship is closed.

This happens and it's natural, I believe. It might even happen that some doors need to be closed and then, after a while, they can be tried again and slowly be visited and opened. It may also happen that in a relationship you go on closing and closing doors until you have basically closed the whole house, and when the house is closed, there's no real relationship.

This man and I actually would have a lot of rooms with doors open, or so I had thought for the longest of time, and why I held onto: he's one of those rare people with whom I potentially have nearly all doors open. But then came the lying. There were stupid, small lies, and then revisiting the past and retelling of facts, and things piled up and grew to a point where I remained standing, thinking if actually there were no rooms at all, because he had lied just about everything. And I mean everything.

Thankfully I have always doubted of him, and since I ran into him again some seven years ago, I made sure to google everything he told me (that could be googled), and I kept a record in my journal of some of the things he said, and later realized he was contradicting himself over and over with different versions of the same story or multiple denials of it. So, I can say I was warned by the way he relates to facts, the truth and the things he thinks he can tell me. And I have told him many times that I can tell when he lies - and mostly I could.

The shock came when I realized that some fundamental things that he was supposed to know (we are both economists) not only he didn't, but when I was correcting him (because I happen to have studied them particularly), he kept gaslighting me and denying my facts and insisting in the validity of his lies. This is when the bubble broke. Suddenly I was thinking of all the things he has said, which I just assumed to be true and that may have been false as well. That's when the house vanished into thin air.

In spite of everything, it is hard to move on. I will win nothing by calling him, shaking him and screaming in his face "what was the point of lying to me?", because no matter what he says, I can't no longer trust he would be telling the truth. Gods he lies about insignificant things, such as when he said that "you don't serve different types of meat in one meal". Really, he did say that, dead serious, like it was a known rule of etiquette. And I'm sure he has eaten bacon cheeseburgers and meatlover pizzas. And if he's so desirous to lie in such things, and has also lied about the books he claims to have read, the people he claims to have talked to and the things he allegedly knows, what else is he capable of lying about?

He's not the only one I have gone through a vanishing-house experience like this, nor will he be the most painful one, but it is painful nonetheless.

I still remember and I still cry thinking of my once best friend of 20 years, in whom I trusted so deeply, so blindly, only to find out that all had been a lie, only to have been a vehicle for her to embezzle another friend of mine.

It's always hard to move on, to let go someone from your life, but these things happen and we can survive them.

October is Here with Mercury Retrograde

Property of Snowberry

I don't want to use the word "hectic" to describe anything about my day or how I feel things going on. It'sthe word that keeps popping up in my head, and it seems like an easy word to describe things, but I want to free myself from it and find the underlying rhythm in everything. Things happen for a purpose and in a long line of cause-consequence chain.

It's not late, but I soon must be turning to sleep, which I love, because - really - my bed is amazing. It is. It's soft, comfy, spacious (for one person), warm but also deliciously chill. I finished my dinner with a glass of Merlot from a Chilean winehouse, I live in my own house, started decorating for Halloween, it's October and I had an amazing idea to present tomorrow for my thesis tutor. And - unlike it happens with other of my classmates, I have regular meetings with my tutor and I totally love him.

Today I made myself a Hungarian dish for lunch, and I still had some chicken soup left over, so I had a two course meal (no desert as I already ate all my apple pie). As I prepared the dish, I found myself so happy, and specially so happy to be me. Have you ever felt like that? I was happy I am me, and I was making myself a dish I love and that each day I eat food I love, and I don't have to conform. I can have my full meal, with an entry soup and a main course, and sometimes also a desert (not always because even though I may have desert, I'm too full to keep eating), and I can have food made in the oven!

I had some groceries delievered, and I had oranges and Granny Smith apples. Granny Smith! Nobody else likes green apples and I don't have to compromise! What a wonderful sensation! I even thought about making another apple pie, which I may or may not do. The sky is the limit.

I wore rings today on my fingers, and my hair loose. And it felt great! There is something in this thing, of me finding myself, giving into my desires, that makes me happy, liberates me and so I find myself being more inspired. I did great advances at one of my projects at my job, and I didn't cover for a lazy coworker. I remained honest and did my best, and my best was acually quite good.

And I had an idea that might be a breakthrough for my Master's Thesis! Oh, I hope it works out.

Money is a bit tight now, as I strive to save and I had some of my household stock running low, but I'm still keeping an eye on the goal. I might end up going to the beach with my Honduran classmates, but one way or the other, I intend to take some vacations in the beginning of November.

October is not only my witchy month. but also my creative month. And I feel it. Even with the Mercury Retrograde, I feel the inspiration and the great ideas coming.

Rainy August

Property of Stormberry

 I had a reading last month with Madi Murphy, an a-mazing intuitive astrologer, and I had a hoot at her reading! She has a podcast and I TOTALLY recommend it to... everyone?

Like I said, the reading was fantastic, but on a bit of a forecast she warned me about the period between mid October to mid December, as it was going to be a trying time. She told me, thought, that even though it would tax me, I should not worry because I had what it took to go through it, and that I should just let myself go with the flow. If you know me, that's easier said that done, as I am the flow. And, of course, it got me worried.

Well, this month things got a tad... unpleasant. It has been raining quite hard, and we even had hailstorms. And well, I found out that my windows have not been sealed as they should, and rain pours through the frames. But also, I found I also had some leaks on my roof. I was very worried because curretly my financial situation isn't the most comfortable, so I was quite anxious about the bill I would have to foot for the repairs.

Since this is a very important job and needs to be done well, I called a very responsible, trustworthy team, and they came yesterday and fixed my roof. And the bill was such that I could very much afford it. I was so happy because I didn't go over budget, that I decided to be  responsible person and save the unused part, and so I invested it. It's not much, and it will yield just a little of interests, it's a first step towards my future financial security. Savings always make me feel safe.

However, today the rain came and an old leak came back with vengeance. I felt like crying as I saw the water pouring down the ceiling over my staircase. It was far worse that before!! I quickly took pictures and called the workers, who had promised to come tomorrow first thing in the morning and fix with within the warranty of their job. Of course I'm still anxious about the leak, but I feel so much better now. Before them I had have issues with other worker teams that charged over and over for the same job, and in the end you had the feeling the problem wasn't so bad as much as they saw a chance to milk you for as much money as you were willing to fork over.

All the other leaks were solved, only this one got really bad, but hopefully, tomorrow this will be solved as well. I just hope my whammy period got scheduled earlier and this was all, because, really, I would rather not have to go through more worries for the rest of the year. (Or next year.) (Or the next ten years.) (Or the next twenty years.) (Or for the rest of my life. Yeah, that sounds about good.)

Morning Coffee

Property of
Stormberry

It's still early and the coffee I brewed maybe two hours ago stays still warm in my thermos. Another day working from home, from the couch, as I'm still carefully nursing my sprint ankle. Oh boy, will the days when I could walk normally again ever come back? Yes, those silly questions you pose yourself when a particularly inconvenient ailment afflicts you.

It's quiet. The cats are still not entirely used to their life outdoors, or at least Bonnie isn't, which annoys me to hell, with her incesant attempts to sneak back into the house. Not that I can afford it now! I finally uncovered my puzzle "in progress", and I can't have cats running around it or borrowing pieces to chew on. I want my Degas as intact as possible, thank you.

I'm making progress in the different tasks I have, and feeling good about it. I'm rethingking again and again my planner plans, what to do, how to fit the inserts, and whether should I and could I actually go for the coveted pear green A5 Malden Filofax. (I think not, I don't really need another binder).

I'll put on some soft, instrumental Jazz, sip my coffee and go back to work. After a bathroom break of course. An a short tour to the kitchen for some mixed nuts (no almonds, macadamias nor pecans!), maybe a kiwi, perhaps some yoghurt, and then back to the couch, the laptop and the ever present, life-infusing coffee.

Life is good.

Chill Morning

Property of Stormberry

The weekend is finally here, and this is one of those where I can find myself a little oasis of peace and rest. I'm done with a paper I had to write (only have to finish the slideshow to present it), the proposal for my thesis (and still have to do the slideshow), and have finished also the "assignment from hell", though I still have to do the final paper for the Innovation micro-evidence Seminar. But I still have the next week for that, so I can take today to rest a little and be happy and do as I please.

Last night I fed the cats out and left them out, so when I woke up in the morning, nobody was pushing and scratching the door of my bedroom. I woke up early, but still later than I usually do, and it felt good to stay longer in bed, and take my time for my morning rituals.I have a set way to do things, such as waking up, making my bed, going to the bathroom, take my weight, spash water on my face, water the bamboo if it's bamboo-watering-day (every other day), clean out the cats' litter, fill my bottle of water, drink a glass of orange juice and then I go over to my parents' house to use the elliptic machine. Then I go back home, feed the cats, sweep the floor of the groundfloor, and finish my morning exercises with whatever plan I have downloaded.

I had been walking in the morning with my sister-in-law, but last week I started feeling a sort of pain in my ankle, so I had to stop and go back to the elliptic machine. I suspect it might be because when I went to get my COVID-19 shot, I stood in line for six hours, and then I kept doing these walks, so probably I strained and splinted my ankle. The first week I was carefull, wrapped my ankle, but as soon as I felt the pain had diminished, I went again walking and I was back at hurting my ankle. So this week I've been really careful, working from the sofa, resting my ankle and all that.

Property of Sormberry

I guess this change is also what gave me pause and space to do the things I needed to do, and do them calmly. I paced myself, gave myself more space for thinking, reading, and doing chores, tasks and work more calmly. And I did well.

Now, here I am, my ankle still bothers me a little, so I don't strain myself, I rest. And this is how I woke up, thinking about taking it easy. I did my usual ritual, and as I was preparing for breakfast, I decided not to have the quick, store-bought orange+carrot juice, but rather make my own of pineapple, celery, cucumber and ginger. This is a recipe I've got from my nutritionist, a green blend, and it helps boost your metabolism. My breakfast was simple, as usual, but utterly delicious. Boy, I love breakfasts!

I took my time, and decided to snap some pictures to share, about how my breakfast preparing looks like. The line up of the coffee and tea brews (I have green tea and a mug of black coffee every morning, because gree tea is great after meals, and black coffee replenished my spirit with greatness). Without much of a plan, then and there I decided I would blog. Blog about giving yourself a day off, a lazy day, a soft day, a slow day. Blog about the right you have to arrange your time as you see fit, that it's not a matter of "giving yourself permission" or "obtaining permission" to let go, but to break the cycle of guilt and say to yourself: "I need no permission, I am the commander of my own life and I dictate my own rules".

If you feel like you need to give yourself permission, why is that? Have you imposed such straining rules on yourself that you need a break from them in order to breathe? Break those rules. Don't be your own tyrant. Listen to yourself, fix your rules as you bump into them. Make decisions. Hell! Have a fucking self-parliament and a self-congress! Even if it takes you longer to get a better grip on your life, takes you longer to make decisions, and it might end up with you taking stupid decisions, at least you are happy. At least you are not strangling yourself. And if the need arises, just make an executive decision, rule some things by decree. 

You can do it, and I am sure you can do it even better than many governments do.

Today I have a National-Self-Holiday. It's Do-Nothing-Day. And it's AWESOME!

New Year and All That

Property of Stormberry.

Are you a New Year enthusiast? No? Well, a lot of people are not. I am, before you ask me, for many reasons, which I'll tale you about in this post. A lot of people are often excited about the New Year because it means parties and usually some of the best parties of the year. I still remember some of my most memorable New Years, spent with friends, or with family or even alone. I remember a bitter sweet one too, spent in Paris - my first time in Paris - and though then I wasn't feeling very happy towards the end, as I remember it, that was also an amazing New Year. (That's also when I realize how super nice French people can be when you make the effort to speak in French.)

However, yes, a lot of people get grumpy about the New Year, specially in pandemic-laced times like the ones we are living right now, and hurl things at the rest like "New Year is just another day", and "nothing will magically get better just because of it", or "it's not even a real New Year because there is a distortion that can't be corrected with the Skip-Year". Yes, I move in strange circles sometimes, but hey, I'm a witch, and I have learned that I tend to attract the weird.

So, the answer your questions, those are all either partially true statements or... not even that important. The point is that they are beyond the point. I mean, if New Year is just another day, hey, so are Saturday and Sunday, and yet we call them "weekend", and have "weekend plans" and all that. And what about Holidays? And no, nothing will "magically get better"... if you don't believe in magic, and if you do, congratulations! Then you know that you are the one who does the magic and the time of the year can give you the push to work the magic and make things better. Oh, and magic (or magick), isn't easy-peasy either. Any witch worth his or her salt would tell you that magic takes a lot of work, a lot of research, a lot of concentration and loads and loads of practice. So yes, actually this can "magickally get better", with all it entails.

Now, you can have your reasons for loving or liking or looking forward to the New Year, and I would love if very much if you decided to share them. Here, I will give you some of my own, and also some of my thoughts on the matter... because, you know (not so) daily thoughts and random ideas. :-)

This post will look somewhat different from all my other posts, and I know that because I put in the "topics" I would like to touch on before hand. I'm trying a new thing here, so bear with me. :-)

Get a New Planner

Property of Stormberry

Ok, I use a filofax and I do bullet journal now, but still, getting a new planner is an experience I love so, so much! I'm totally in love with my A5 Ochre Filofax Malden, and I doubt I'll ever change it... unless it falls apart, which I hope it doesn't. Still, I love looking at the options and sometimes I imagine getting a Filofax Malden in Pear (also in A5) because I really, really, REALLY love green, and since I moved from Personal size to A5 thanks to my lovely friend Tina, I think I'll also stay with this size... even if the planner doesn't fit in my smaller bags. I think I've found that elusive sweetspot known as Planner Peace. Was it planner-peace or planner-heaven?

Anyway, this is part of my New Year excitement. I'm not one to sit down monthly or weekly to draw up calendars and do all that shebang, but I do the whole year at once, and so, the New Year and days around it are perfect for that. I make my calendars, plan my trackers, decide what stays, what goes, select some "themes" when I want to, and along with my resolutions, I decide which subjects I would like to pay more attention to. For instance, one of my resolutions for this year is to blog more (aren't you happy about that?), and so, I decided to make a sort of tracker for posts. A simple one, mind you, just marking on a grid whether I posted or not.

On top of that, I also use (since 2012, I believe) a Witches Datebook by Llewellyn, which helps me with my witchy practice, and has a lot of stuff I find quite interesting. I'm linking you here the Datebook I'm currently using, at the site of Llewellyn, but normally I buy mine at Amazon.com. AND with my Witches Datebook, I also buy a Witches Calendar, also my Llewellyn. They go together so well, and though you can use only one, using them together makes perfect sense. I have tried to buy other things, specially a Herbal Almanac (I've been years into trying to tap my more herbal side, even though I'm really awful at gardening), but I just don't have the time to read and peruse so many stuff. Maybe some other year. Maybe I'll make that a resolution sometime. Who knows, right? :-D

I'm also much into calendars, and I like to have them almost in every single wall, specially because many have really pretty pictures. Or so I search them so. So I spend time around the end of the year and beginning of it, looking for pretty calendars. I usually go for calendars related to Art Nouveau, coffee, or maybe something that interests me in the moment. I'm not so much into calendars of dogs or cats or cars or nature. So that's also an exciting process.

Now, because we live in a social world where years are measured in a certain way, calendars are more often than not, also offered specially in certain times of the year. So is with datebooks, planners and such. So, if you are into calendars, this is the time when you can get them. This is also the time when many stores and organizations also gift planners and calendars. Isn't that exciting? If you are not much into calendars because... whatever reason, maybe one day you may like to try finding one you like. There are so many options! Millions and millions of themes, pictures, photographs, artistic, funny, nature related, architecture... pretty much, whatever strikes your fancy. And not only about the pictures, you can also find calendars that focus on the phases of the Moon, or full of astrological or astronomical data, or with space for planning (bigger squares or lines), even calendars for families (for each day you have a number of columns, usually five, for the plans of each family member), which can be used to keep track of multiple things, like family-work-studies, or to track events in social media, and real life.

And this is the time to get them. Would you miss out on the fun?

New Plans Too

With a New Year, certain new plans must be made. In Costa Rica (where I currently live), school usually starts in February or sometimes in January. This is because back in the day, when coffee production was huge here, all able hands were needed for the harvest, which happens (depending on the area) usually around November, December and January too. In some places it can start as early as October also, for what I heard. So, traditionally, children went to the coffee plantation with the parents to help them with the harvest. As it was desirable that the children were sent to school also, the school year was moved around it, and it stayed that way. So, as result, with the begining of the year, we start also a new chapter of learning. Further education programs and so, often also follow this yearly cycle, so the new year is presents also a chance for people to enroll into a school or a program to further their education, and these are part of the new plans you can make, at anytime, but in the New Year, you might be more aware of them or even feel more motivated to take a new path.

Our society works also in cycles determined by the year: businesses and entertainment places launch their new yearly programs and even fashion has new seasons. A new year can set a new theme, a new purpose, a new plan. This is when the new calendar events are presented, and if you are into it, this is when you can check for your expected book launches (I already have one I'm waiting for on April 20th), or concerts, seminars, movies and what-have-you. This is when you can pencil it in your calendar and plan to save for it.

As a witch, the New Year also means planning for a new round of Sabbaths, which in my case also means to make sure I have enough mead, because, hey, I'm that kind of a witch. :-) But you don't have to be a witch to have fun with the New Year (though it helps, honestly), because this is also when you can check your calendar and see when are those blessed long weekends and you can start planning on the trips you can make. And what now when travelling is being restricted due to the pandemic? Well, you can still make plans! The New Year and all it's happy, excited, dreamy energy is perfect to come up with creative new ways to make things amazing. Remember, when there's a will, there's a way.

The idea of cycles can have a powerful effect on people. For once, instead of feeling like you are drowning in a constant of days over which you have no power, facing things that are bigger than yourself, when you are able to chop up the time continuum into easy year-sized bits, you actually get a better sense of control. You can measure what you have achieved, how long have you gone, and you also get the feeling that you can correct what you did wrong. It doesn't matter that you make resolutions you then don't keep, what matters is the learning process. If you want to keep your resolutions, hey, work on adapting them. If you don't keep them, but don't care because the fun is just in making them and then see if they come to pass by themselves, have fun then!

You know how many of my 2020 resolutions I have achieved? Less than a half. And do I worry? Oh Hell no! That way I alreay have half a list of resolutions to recycle! Gara see the good side of it, right? By the way, one of my resolutions for 2020 was to relearn to play piano, which would have had happened if I had a piano, which I would have had if I my house would havee been finished in time, and I would have not been a victim of bank fraud and would have not lost my money. The resolution is still a valid one, and though the moving into my home is very, very near, buying my piano might take some time, but I don't worry. That's a dream for the future. I'll just listen to Fleetwood Mac albums in the meantime.

The Seasons

Though we have two or four seasons (depends on where you live), a New Year gives you a chance to have a new experience with each of them. There are places like Central America (and I believe most of the places in the Tropics of Cancer and Capricorn), where the seasons look pretty much the same, and we often have all the fruits and veggies in all seasons. Still, each season has its own delights and there are some fruits and veggies or some celebrations that happen only on certain seasons. We have also high season and low season, and again, though the current pandemic situation might make it hard for us to visit other countries or beaches and mountains, there is always something around to enjoy. Blooming of trees and flowers in the garden, or our plants in pots, the way the Sun lights the sky at certain angles, the scents in the air, the sound of the rain that's so particular to each time of the year, the heat, the cold, and the chances it brings to wear this or that outfit. Even at home! Come on, you know you can make this fun!

In today's Occidental society, we don't use to celebrate the seasons, and though small groups of people might choose to celebrate the seasons, or you do it individually, the collective, global effort is centered into the one night of the year. Besides, if we had a day marked for celebrating the changing of each season, naysayers would have four more chances to bitch about it. Once is enought, I would say. Yet still, in order to experience a given season again, a whole year has to pass, and so, celebrating a New Year also means that we will again have the seasons, and the chance to live them, maybe even better than the last time.

Anyway, as nearly the whole planet celebrate the New Year the same day, I believe that all that festive and happy energy tend to go around the globe and make someting super-positive for all of us. We all feed on this awesome energy of hopes, and dreams and new beginings. Yes, there are people who get depressed, that happens too, and also with Christmas, and so on, but there is also a lot of this amazing energy floating around, and if you want and can, why not take advantage of it and ride the wave of hopes and celebration?

You know, maybe this year, just like the last, will be hard in this regard, and we won't be able to travel and go out all we want, but that means also less conmuting time and more time for calm and for planning new, cool ways to do something fun. It's maybe time to learn to be comfortable with ourselves, inside, without looking for the external excitement. Instead of going out and looking for fun and inspiration, how about you invite it in? Maybe then, when we can go outside again, freely, we could also bear gifts for the world. Don't you think?

The Social Thing

Though it might be arbitrary, a year has ended and another has began, and so we measure with it not only time, but also things measured with time: years of life, years in a relationship, years of experience. In the end, though we are individuals, we live in society, and even if there are many things that need improving and changing (I'm not going there now), we are also part of this rhythm. The years pass, and we have again and again the chance to push forward. In this period, peppered with seasons and landmarks and celebrations and holidays, and days of remembrance of milestones of the history, year after year we get the chance to work on our projects, make something of them.

A number of years pass in order to elect our leaders, in countries where there are (working) democratic governments, and in the years in between, we can evaluate how they manage the power they have been given.

Years also mark the time for bonuses, in those jobs where such premiums are given, or also mark the time were an extra monthly payment is given - such as in Costa Rica, where in December we are paid double - but years also mark special offer times, like the Black Friday, for instance, or the January sales.

In the end, a lot of things in the social life are arbitrary, but are conventions that end up marking the life around us. The sense of time and the lotting up of it, in the end, define much of what we make and how we do it. Years are instrumental to define when you start school, when you become of legal age, when you can retire (in countries where there are provisons for that), and so, why not celebrate it?

Go on, celebrate it and make the most of it, and have a happy 2021!

Quaratine Diaries and Journals

Property of Stormberry.
From my own journal.

Maybe you have heard of these diaries and journals, but the first time I did was throught an article in the New York Times published on March 30th, 2020. The article spoke about how people around the world has been turning to pen and paper in these days of staying at home and isolation to record the flow of their days, their thoughts, their fears and their experiences.

Some people has taken pen and paper for the first time to write about what goes on, making do with the art of journaling or keeping a diary as their days stretch into weeks and months in confinement, with fear of the outher world while at the same time yearning for it. Others have already been journaling ad have now turned to their trusty pages to record their experiences or find solace to the angst and burdens that now bend their backs and hearts.

I do not know of anyone around me keeping such journals, though I do know of people who journal. I am, for one, the kind of diary-keeper that would be considered the most unreliable one for recording events that happen around me or in the real world, to call it some how. I journal about my feelings, about intimate recounts of happenings with a handfull of people from my environment, with usually no information that might help place these events in any sort of social or historical context. For the love of the Gods, I just spent four months recording the events of a single day spent with Fritzl!

Property of Stormberry
From my personal journal

And yet still...

And yet still, I have found that I want to record some things that have been happening, that have affected the general tide of the society in which I live, and thus affecting my relationships with others as well as my state of mind. I'm certain my journal won't be listed in any book of history, nor it is my intention to record anything in it for anyone but myself, if I ever decide to go back and consult it, but I do find it important to try and illuminate in my notes the fact that there is a pandemic swirling around the world and upending life as we know it.

Things change, human contact change. I find myself wondering whether I'll be able to experience a long, sustained hug again, if I'll be able to hug, to feel against my arms the sure warmth of and solidity of someone I love. If I'll be able to kiss again, burry my nose in the crook of the neck of someone and breath in their scent, feel their hair against my face and between my fingers.

I'm still moved to write about my feelings and their evolution, collect and systematize my memories in the minute dissection of someone, holding their actions between the steel tines of my nib, beating softly as ink pours over them and cut them into tiny pieces with my words as I find new and new meanings of every action, every word and every gesture, combined with the yuxtaposition of other collected memories and experiences that help me draw parallels.

I change. We all change, and our old coping mechanisms might have been compromised. Mine have, as I can no longer drive to a coffeeshop, order a specialty coffee and claim a table for myself to write and sometimes also do some people-watching. We must adapt, and quarantine journals or diaries, or just our regular journals and diaries can help us navigate these new waters.

E-Mail Nirvana

Source: Modified image found on
Google Images.

May I ask you a question? How many e-mails are currently in your inbox? How many across all your inboxes? Yeah, let's be honest, we are long past the time when people only had one e-mail. I mean, that's so 90's, right?

Of all the e-mails in your inboxes, how many are unread?

How you relate to your inbox and the e-mails in it (them) differs from one person to the next, so offering a one-size-fits-all formula is not a solution. Believe it or nor, for some people having an inbox bursting with unread e-mails is reassuring. For some people that little number (ok, in their case it's a HUGE number) in the red bubble is a source of satisfaction, much like a like counter in a social network. It can mean that they receive attention, that their time is wanted by an x amount of sources (people?), and that makes them feel good.

For others, the sole presence of a red bubble is a source of stress, because each number means a task, a request that needs to be checked, sorted and dealt with. Even the read e-mails in your inbox can be a source of stress, if you are like me and keep e-mails in the inbox until you have replied to them. Now, if you are like me and e-mails in your inbox irk you, then here are a few tips that have helped me through the years to deal with them. It doesn't mean that my inboxes are always  on 0, nor that I never get flooded - though admitedly, I never let e-mails go past the 50 mark, and that only happens when I haven't been checking for a good while. So, what can we do to tame the e-beast?

Tame the e-Beast

First of all, you need a filing system. This is best created with folders, even better if you can put folders inside folders. How do you do that? This is how I go about it:

1. In a piece of paper, write the most important areas for which you receive info in that given inbox. This is to give you an idea of the structure. For instance:

Work e-mail example:

• General Memos (from the CEO)
• Human Resources
• Main Job Tasks
• Secondary Job Tasks
• Important Job-Related Information
• Miscelaneous

This can give you an idea of how to start sorting the e-mails. No, it might not end up working this well, but it's a start.

2. Start at some point in your inbox, either by the first e-mail at the top of the pile, or the one at the very bottom. If there are many (more than 50), you may like to start at the top. Check the e-mail, and make the first decision:

• Is it important? If so, keep it. If not, delate it.

If you decided the e-mail is important, create a folder for it. You can leave it in the inbox if you still have to work with it, or you can file it away if you have dealt with it (downloaded the attached info, wrote the appointment in your calendar, moved the task to your to-do list, etc.). Some e-mail servers, like gmail, allow you to create a tab for each folder you create.

3. One by one, keep checking each e-mail and locating the folder you will eventually file it in. With the main structure of the first point, you can start creating sub-folders that help you organize better your e-mail.

Work e-mail example:

• General Memos (from the CEO)
• Finance
• Environmental Efforts
• Voluntary Opportunities
• Human Resources
• Pay checks
• Vacations
• Sick days
• Main Job Tasks
• Literature
• Literature 101
• Class Program
• Class Material
• Homework
• Tests
• Grades
• Medieval Literature
• Class Program
• Class Material
• Homework
• Tests
• Grades
• Research
• Schedules
• Sources
• Advances
• Secondary Job Tasks
• Teacher Meetings
• Important Job-Related Information
• Miscelaneous

See what I mean? Yes, it can grow chaotic, if you let it, but as long as you understand the logic and it works for you, it's all good.

4. Take your time. It can be cumbersome, and you might be flooded with e-mails from everywhere, but eventually you'll get there. Use slow moments of the day to go through the received e-mails and go on filing them. There's no hurry, and as long as you keep a constant effort, all is going to be well, and you'll get that coveted sense of control.

There's no need to erase all e-mails, as must of the current servers allow you to store them all, and by filing them you make sure you'll be able to find the ones you need easier.

Organizing your e-mails isn't the answer to all your prayers, and even these tips can go haywire for some, BUT it's a place to start, if yo feel like you would like to know where your info is, and not get greated each time you open your inbox with an avalanche of e-mails that mix important info with spam, work with personal stuff and so on.

My First Kaweco

Source: property of Stormberry

On Sunday, while my folks were washing my dad's car, they found a fountain pen I thought I've lost - or worse yet, someone had snitched. This was my first ever Kaweco fountain pen.

To be perfectly honest, when I bought it in... was it july? Earlier? I bought it on a whim because my best friend Prue told me about this Kaweco Shop in our country and I HAD TO have one. You know the feeling, right? Right? ... No? Oh... me neither.

Anyway, when I entered the store I knew what I wanted - in broad lines: I wanted the classic Kaweco style pen. Originally I had my eyes set on something like the demonstrator (though I don't really like it, because the material is cloudy, not crystal clear) or a brass one. Up close the demonstrator definitively wasn't what I wanted, and the brass one was too expensive for what I would pay for a pen... like that. Now, don't get me wrong, the pen isn't all that expensive, when you consider the normal range of prices for fountain pens available for the middle range collector, BUT I measure the price of pens based on what can I pay, and how much am I willing to pay depending on the aesthetics and feel of the pen.

Checking the whole selection available, I decided in the end to get a black Kaweco Sport. The one thing I didn't like was the golden nib and the golden inscription, since I like silver much better than gold. When I tried this pen, I also found issues with the glide of the nid, which for me was too toothy.

Given the experience I had with it, I was displeased but I took it like a pen-test. I tried it and I didn't like it. Then it got lost within the week I bought it. :-(

I was sad but also not so sad, because I didn't really liked the pen... but I kinda missed it. This is how the next weekend I went back and bought my second Kaweco Sport in a skin-like color, with silver nib and silver inscription. And with this one I was very pleased! From time to time I missed my scratchy black, but then I bought also by beloved ... I have no idea what it's called... Student, I believe. Anyway, I have a new, yellow Kaweco fountain pen that doesn't have the shape of the Sport. It came in a tin box, which I love, and has many chrome details, which I don't like, BUT the pen is fabulous to write with, so I forgive the chrome.

My life was all nice and happy, and then my mom comes into the house and asks me:

"Is this yours?" holding up a scratched black stick.

My eyes just bulged out, because Sweet Gods! It was my first Kaweco Sport! I was so, so, so happy! I quickly took the pen, checked it, and noted that I love it all the more now that it's all scratched and scarred. I washed it out and filled it up with ink from a bottle my adorable friend Arjen sent my way - Sailor 731. I tried it in my journal... and it's still scratchy like a scared, wet cat. But it's back to me!

Isn't life something so interesting?

A Few Updates

I'm again running behind with my proposed schedule. Why on Hell did I ever made this a New Year's Resolution? Truth is one should only post when one wants to and when one has something to post about.

Ok, it's not like I don't have a lot of things to talk about - I can yap all day long, and those who know me personally can attest to that. However, these past weeks have been sort of a drag on me. They have been grinding down my nerves and I just want to... I just want general vacations from everything. I think I want to be retired, without a care in the world. See? Nobody talks about the burdens of being "still young", "still in working age", or more to the point "too young for retirement".

So what has been bearing down on me?

House of Seven Gables

My house is finally being built, which is so awesome and so, so wonderful, BUT. So, there have been some issues with the finances, and not precisely mine. There was a part that my folks were supposed to help me with, which they can't afford now, so I'll have to go great lenghts to get the money from another source (namely, an unplanned loan, that will hack into my plans for the future, regarding buying inane amounts of books - ok, maybe those won't be affected - and traveling).

This has really gotten to my nerves, and so on my parents' nerves. The issue is complicated and can be tracked to a particular couple of someones - who shall remain unnamed - who have been going all happy-go-lucky spending freely the money they didn't have and making changes on the go that cost quite hefty sums. The result? Now my folks and my brother have to start looking for ways to reduce costs in what's still missing (all de details), and I have to see how can I foot the bill for my house.

There are ups in this, like several savings that can be made on my house thanks to some special discounts my dad can get (since he has been buying building material on bulk), and I can also use up a lot of material that was purchased for the other houses but never got used.

The Gods willing, all is going to be ok.

Meanwhile, it does make me so happy to see my little house raise up from the ground, from its foundations and become the house of my dreams, my very own House of Seven Gables.

Marketing Thesis

This topic shouldn't be pressing anymore on me, since I'm really about to finish it. All chapters have been written, the tutor finds everything "perfect", with some details here and there to fix, and I happen to know that I am the only student actually presenting each chapter for revision and grading on time.

Eight of us started the process, only two of us are still in the run (with this tutor), and I'm the only one that seems to have a hope of graduating. So, what's the problem here? That I realized I don't like marketing. It's not my thing and I don't enjoy it at all. Of course, it's a plus for me to know about this, and be able to gauge the proposals marketing experts present me, understand when they go all "technical" on me, but this is not what I want to do by far. Not like I would, I mean, I am an economist, but I have to think like I want to do this for the benefit of the thesis I'm writing and it just fills me with ennui.

When I'm done with this, I think I'll only keep on studying further in Economics. I don't want to strand away from my true path.

German Classes

Ok, this was a headache, but now it's more like a release. My issue with the German lessons was that I wasn't enjoying them anymore, attending them felt like a drag and for a while I've been feeling like I'm not learning a thing. It wasn't because my teachers weren't good enough, because they are amazing, or that the textbooks were boring - they are ok - or because my classmates were obnoxious - they are ok. My problem was that I hate the place where I had to go. It's far, ugly and boring. I had to struggle through around an hour of traffic to get there - oftentimes more - only to arrive to a desolated place, with an awful parking space (ok, at least there was parking space), far from any coffeeshop to make it more pleasant.

Then, when classes were over, I had to drive home for over 45 minutes, to get home past 22 hr, to wake up the next day at 3:45 hr. Not fun. So, as result I was no longer paying attention to class and studied only for the tests. In the end, I was passing the classes but nothing remained in my head.

I like to finish everything I start - therefore I am struggling with stupid Marketing - but this was more that I was willing to keep on doing.

So, after much thinking and mulling about it, I decided not to enroll into the next class. It took me some time, but I finally decided that my need to finish stuff shouldn't go against my better judgement. Why keep paying to get nothing from it? And why should I keep learning more through classes? I don't need a German Language diploma? I need to practice. So I shut the door on that one, and decided to keep up only the German Reading Club, which I enjoy, it's located in my favorite building, at agreeable hours, much more relaxed, and I get to practice with stuff I do like: books.

I still get some discomfort from leaving the class, but at the same time I feel so... liberated. :-) I just need to get fully into this new reality.