Coffee table Thoughts

Property of Stormberry

 I'm elated today, as I managed to finish the context chapter of my MSc thesis. Such a small thing it seems for many, but such a huge one for me, as I was stuck, lost in options and completely paralyzed by the numbness of trying to write about something that never seemed to materialize before my eyes.  I had put to myself - finally -  a date for the chapter to be completely finished, also as a way to have some leverage when contacting my thesis director about retaking the work and pushing this project forward.

I have been working on this chapter for over a year, writing and rewriting, often feeling at loss, as the idea of what I want seemed to float before my eyes but bubbling so huge, there was no way to look at it and make it "doable". For bringing it into the world, I had the invaluable aid of my tutor, though I do believe he also had grand dreams about my research. He pulls more towards knowledge and education, while I pull harder towards the workforce and the labor market. It has been a complex mix, but we've been swimming around it.

As it happened, last year - for December - he asked to a "readable" context chapter, with whatever I had, and I was able to provide one 75% done. It entailed lots of cutting back, rewriting and reframing, and only the "education" segment was entirely missing. Then he was silent. But we were on vacations, so maybe there was that. On January I had to contact him again because we had to send an update of the advance, and he mentioned that he was out of the country "for a few months", and haven't checked what I sent him, "but he will soon, and send me his comments". I kinda freaked out, BUT up to that point I had not worked much on the last 25% of the chapter, contented with just checking data, websites, and collecting data here and there.

And time passed and I had no news from him, so I started to worry. I do like him very much, and I'm afraid nobody else would be able to understand my topic has he does, plus he has changed so much of my original proposal, that I now really need him to bring my vision through. So I wasn't looking forward to write to the University and inquire about him - I don't want to get him in trouble - but I need to contact him and get a reply. And so I devised this cunning idea: I'll finish the chapter, send it to him and ask him at once for a meeting to go over the chapter, the required corrections and the next step.

Living in a Catholic country, infused with the Spanish culture (or what's left of it), we had a Holy Week, which means a long holiday (completed with mandatory vacations), so I decided to take this Holy Week to dedicate to my thesis, to this chapter, and so I have. I organized the data, searched on the sites I had pegged for information, organized what I had, decided on a format that won't swell my chapter form 35 pages to 80 (originally my incomplete chapter WAS 80 pages with just the 50% of it), and so I worked really hard at it.

I finished the chapter today at noon, and printed it... kinda. I ran out of ink. Tomorrow - which is a National Holiday - I'll review it calmly, note stuff to fix, and then program an e-mail to be delievered to my director thesis on Tuesday (first workday) around 16.00 hrs (about when academic work starts), with the chapter and the meeting request.

Now I prepare my dinner, drink a beer and read Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D.H. Lawrence. I take small glimpses at the next week, thinking of a work meeting I don't want to have, because I know it's going to irk me (stupidity irks me), happy thinking that I would deal with the thesis procedures a day earlier, so I don't bother my tutor with untimely e-mails, while I won't add to my annoyance due to the meeting with my academic tasks pending. So, by careful planning and hard work, I'll be able to prepare for the annoying meeting, and have plety of cool-off time and cool-off chances.

Recently I also worked on a tentative terror short story, though I feel I'd like to work on a longer piece, a novel. I have loads of unfinished ideas, which I call "fragments", but also unfinished novels stashed around. Maybe I could work on that.

There is a delicious comfort around me, a warm softness and liberating solitude, full of books and journals and videos and spaces to express myself that make my life such a wonderful thing. Like walking in a soft soiled forest where even for the hardships and annoyances I can prepare myself so much better than those who live in concrete poured jungles.