Last Post of 2023

Property of Stormberry

 I'm finishing this year with:

1. A lot of plans for the next year,
2. Resolve to endure to get much closer to my goals throughout 2024,
3. COVID-19 for the first time in my life.

Yep, that last one is quite a thing. For me. I came down with what I thought was "flu" on Christmas day, but it wasn't until two days later, upon the insistence of my mother (she suspected it could be COVID), that I took the test (there was one kit at home) that I realized I, indeed, had COVID. Oh goodie. I managed to avoid it for three years, but in the end I became a member of the club.

I guess I have this new Eris variant, but if you ask me, it feels exactly the way flu feels like. The first two days were horrid, and now I'm stuck with the Runny-Nose-From-Hell. I'm pretty sure I've blown my weight in snot out of my nose by now. Isn't that lovely?

The advance on the thesis front is really slow, as the current task isn't very inspiring and quite time consuming. But it is, nontheless, moving forward. I just really hope I can finish it this year, as I'm aiming for that in one of my New Year Resolutions. I just want to be over with it, so I can start working on getting a PhD.

Both the MSc as the PhD are a matter of personal goals, and not a professional goal, as my current job hardly even recognized the actual work I do, much less my preparation I have for it, so the extra degrees are simply a way for me to accumulate and explore new knowledge. What can I say? Some people colect stuff, others like travel, others rather party or date or have sex, and I like knowledge. Now, this doesn't mean that I only read serious, scientific or philosophical things, as nothing could be farther from reality. I like stories, and my favoured type of readings are novels. I guess I like knowledge because I like the stories that come within the knowledge I seek: economics (my favored area) are full of stories.

I can't blame COVID for the slowing of the progress of my thesis, but I do intend to use the days of vacation (of which half is already gone) to work on it, and present my tutor with something of an advanced improvement by the begining of next year. I really need to get going, get all this small details hammered out so I can go on with the story behind my research: innovation policy's effect on labor.

By the end of this year I've made a couple of big decisions looking forward to 2024. I paid in advance the whole year at a gym, and so I intend so go, at least twice a week, to get in better shape. With that in mind I also ordered a new fitbit to keep myself motivated to exercise. My weight has been going up and I moved into the overweight zone, so I have to start making changes to get back to the normal weight, not only because that's healthier, but also because I want to fit back in my clothes again. It would be just too expensive to change my whole closet. And I like a lot of my clothes, so why change them?

Every year I also tend to make big budget plans to rid myself of debt - inspired mostly by the incredible success I had in 2011 when I whipped out  a staggering debt by the sheer power of my determination - and this year I have made that same decision with a small added trick: a more detailed plan and an actual commitment to get it done. I have two debts: the credit card and the loan from the FGA. The FGA loan works down in a constant fashion, but the credit card debt fluctuates as here and there I find myself in need of using the card. After much thinking I realized that the trigger for my card is always the same: vet expenses.

I've changed vets last year, as our old vet has become hideous with cats. The new vet is a place that actually specializes in cats, but I have been noticing that - under the guise of worry and care - they have been pumping out loads of money from me (my card, to be precise) for a lot of check ups and test my babies probably don't need. One of my cats -Woody - has costed me a fortune with citologies and a biopsy of an unhealing nose problem. It turns out that he has feline AIDS and on top of that a very serious skin cancer. The outlook for him is bleak and his chances to get cured are minimal, yet the vet was pushing for an appointoment with an oncologist and maybe start a chemotherapy treatment. That's where I hit the breaks. Goodness, no. I won't run myself into debt to torture my cat and make his last days a living hell.

I've decided to limit the vet visits to vaccines and that will be that. And to kill my credit card. So I sat down, mapped up all my forseeable expenses and laid out a detailed fortnight by forthnight plan. It came out quite a strick one, with nearly no wiggle room, but certainly one that needs to be implemented.

Something we sometimes forget to see is our own reality. By turning a blind eye, by not making a plan, not looking at our balance, we try to pretend that things are much better, much easier, or running much better than they are. I did not delude myself, these are my expenses, these are the things I spend on, and my only "wiggle room" are my groceries, where sometimes I run amok packing up the cart with things I end up throwing out as they rot on my shelves or my fridge (my waste basket eats more veggies than I do).

2024 is a year for me to take a hard look at things, work for my goals, carve a path for the future I want from here on and get on with the program. It's not going to be easy, I know that, but it's nothing I can't deal with. I have proven myself time and again that I can adapt and I can flourish in any situation. I am resilient, creative and I can stick to my own plans with astonishing stubbornness, as my recent Mock Lottery Project showed me this year. If I want it, I can make it happen, and I will make it happen.

2024 will be the year I'll step on the gas on to reach my goal to become the Aunt March of my story.

Filling up the Calendar

Property of Stormberry

 I was thinking the other day about comfort zones and why on Earth would anyone willingly seek to abandon their comfort zone. Don't you want to live in a comfortable manner? It does rub me the wrong way when the phrase "comfort zone" is used to refer to a place of destructive, stagnant mediocrity. In my mind, a comfort zone is like that perfect spot in the couch or the sofa, where you like to curl up with a book to read, where the coffee table or the ant table is at that right angle for you to put your glass of wine, your cup of coffee, light a candle and put on a John Coltrane record.

I think that, if you are in a comfort zone, congratulations! A lot of people struggle to find a comfortable, livable life, so don't give up yours.

I am in my personal comfort zone, and I don't plan on leaving it.

However, in my confort zone there are also places that need work and organization. Part of my comfort zone is my studying, which currently is about working on my Master's thesis, so I'm working slowly and surely on that. I'm also trying to add some social activism, because in my comfort zone I also want to be able to do something for my community. Yes, that might not sound as "comfort zone" for some, BUT my concept of comfort zone is about feeling good, being able to relax and enjoy myself, and is not about being lazy. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condemn being lazy, just as I don't celebrate hyper productivity. Allowing yourself spaces to enjoy laziness, and even have lazy days are something we all need. My comfort zone is about being happy, enjoying life and building a life where I can think that I actually succeed at this "life" thing (and I do!).

Next week starts with a holiday - May 1st, the International Workers' Day - and then I took Thursday off for a Thesis Day. I'll have a meeting with my tutor, so I'm really excited. And on Monday, if all goes well, I plan on joining the Workers' March in order to protest against a bill that would legalize 12 hour work days (12 effective work hours per day, where lunch and rest time won't be deducted from it) in the country. That's my activism, and I intend on seeking ways to get more involved in labour economics' activism.

Since I started my second YouTube Channel, planner and journaling videos have been a weekly task for me, but this weekend and the next are already covered, as I shot, uploaded and programmed the next videos. However, I already planned ideas for videos for the next weeks and up to September. I started already shooting some B-rolls and planning on how to do the rest.

At work I've also been pushing on my tasks and working to keep everything up to speed, and maybe even get ahead of some stuff. Just getting ready with everything. We are finishing April and I have still managed to keep a clean mail inbox, where the only three e-mails are about a seminar in two weeks, an in-person meeting next week and a notificatoion I keep as reminder that someone else has to finish something. And we are nearly in May!

Have I mentioned that we are in Mercury Retrograde?

I'm also amazed at how I have managed to keep my filofax "in line", with all the pages neatly fitting, passing the "ring test". I remove pages as needed, review what I have, what I need to take out, what needs to be included, and so I keep it manageable. I play in my mind with crazy ideas, such as buying a Filofax Heritage in Personal, just to try it out, but I seriously doubt that day will come (this year). I have also thought of getting a Personal Filofax Malden, but I must admit that I really dislike the leather penloops of the Malden's because they catch inside and the folded leather bunches up and makes it hard to use. Maybe I'm getting much into the "Planner+Journaling Content Creator"-mode there in that regard, or maybe my mind if flying ten thousand ways for some reason. Maybe I need to burn mind-energy. But be it as it may, I've been on a planner hype as of late, inspite of the Retrograde.

I write things down, I update my online calendars to make sure all my witchy rituals are in there, so I don't forget auspicious dates and so on, and they also get into my filofax, along with my cleaning schedule. And this is how I opened my filofax to check how my next week will look like, and Holy Mother of the Wenn, it looks full!

Should I take a page from the message of the Retrograde and go inside, introspect a little, retrieve into myself and stop filling my calendar to the brim? After all, in keeping my comfort zones, I also need to enjoy the peace and delight of them, of a life happy, relaxed and sans souci.

Thoughts and Such

 

Property of Stormberry
Witch Kit by Casa de las Lunas, Costa Rica

I have a gozillian disconnected ideas in my head right now, and so, I'm going to go with them as I type. And on the subject of typing, I still think from time to time that I would like a typewriter, to use here and there, to have that lovely sound in my home, and maybe to work some of my creative projects there, like a XX. century writer. I already have an ashtray, a coffee mug, so all I need is the typewriter and the space to place it. 

I may have a "thing" with keys, as I also wanted so much a piano, and now, FINALLY I have a piano in my home. Not a small, portable, electric piano, but a real, vertical Sohmer&Co, 88 key piano. It still needs some fixing and tuning, and then I can start in earnest to download piano lessons and rescue my old, incipient knowledge about playing piano. I know that will take a bit of time - dependant mostly on the available recources to pay for the fixing and tuning - but I'm confident I'll get there.

Update on My Life

So, things have been going quite nicely, quite smoothly as of late. After the Holy Week holidays, things seem to flow nicely. Sure, there are still plenty of "real life concerns", or shall we call them "adulting stuff", such as managing money in the short, medium and long terms, planning for upcoming payments and so on, but with all of that included, life is really nice. Adulting doesn't bother me, which is nice, since I'm 47 and it means that by now, I have spent most of my life being an adult.

Property of Stormberry

These days have been very productive for me, and I'm so very happy for that. :) I've gone back into working on my thesis with renewed enthusiasm, as I've got a better footing and a clearer idea on where I want to go, and most importantly how I want to go. I still had not feedback from my tutor, but I'm working hard reviewing material and preparing my next chapter, so I can fully tweek up my research instruments (those would be my questionaires), select my subjects and proceed.

Next week I plan a thesis day, so I took the day out from work, and will go to the University, request the MSc office and work there concentrating ONLY on my thesis. And drinking free coffee. I know, my life is just fabulous, and I know it! I also plan to help out the librarian by participating in a small forum about books that have television series or Netflix series. Not that I have read that many, but that's what they want to talk about for their Book Fair Week. And if there are books available, guess who has two thumbs and is going to totally profit from it? (Me!)

Random thought: Bags

As you may know, I love watching videos about planners, journals and related stuff. Well, one of those related things are bags, and I LOOOOOVE bags. I am the kind of person that gives more attention to bags than to shoes. I mean, sure, I have shoes and some are... pretty? but shoes are not a passion of mine. Bags are a passion of mine, specially leather bags. I know, I know, leather bags are heavier, so they may not be the smartest choice for carrying the unholy amount of things I tend to carry with me, but I love them. I also prefer leather planners and leather bound journals... when I can find them, and the amount and quality of the paper fits my requirements.

Property Stormberry

Anyway, as result of this, by feed in YouTube is full of videos about planners, but also of bag reviews and what's-in-my-bag videos. I have been checking some of them, and I must say I enjoy so much the sound of zippers being pulled on lofty, leather bags, or the way the leather sounds when you are rumaging inside the bag, pulling things out or putting them in. Invariably, as result of me watching these videos, I end up cheching online stores of these bags, and then being quickly disenchanted, because the prices of the products are high.

Today was one of those days, where I watched reviews of Fossil bags, and I was so in love until I saw the prices. Then this got me thinking, as I actually have plenty of bags but don't use them that often as I work from home. But even when I used to commute daily to the office, I tended to pick one bag and use it ad nauseum, until, for some unfathomable reason I changed my bag. Slowly, I'm going out more - and for instance, for the Thesis Day I will pack up a bag and go to the Uni - but then I have realized that I also tend to use totebags as bags. And I mean those bookbag totebags, or shopping bag totebags. These make no sound, are not to supple to the touch, but have hardly any weight and I can pack them chock full with more stuff than any other bag in town.

Evidently, bags have a functional side to them, but boy, don't we love them when they are also pretty? And one thing totebags have, is that they can be so pretty and so expressive. Like t-shirts.

Do we Owe an Explanation to Everybody?

Around February I cut ties with someone who, up to that point, I considered a friend. It was a person that turned out to be a narcissist, and I'm not just saying that because now it's "fashionable to call people narcissist", as some think, BUT because this person fits the bill to a T. I left you a link in the word "narcissist" below if you want to check the signs of a narcissist in more detail. This person in question did check all the points, and funny enough, it took me years to realize that.

By February I already wasn't feeling like going out with this person as their antics were going trully annoying, and no matter how I tried to bring their attention to the fact that they things they said weren't nice, or the things they voiced were completely false, they didn't seem to care in the least, nor even aknowledge them. However, as January was coming to an end, this person did something that created great tension with a lot of people, and put others in an awful situation. This sounds ominous, so I'll explain: this person claimed a friend in common was organizing a grill party at their place for an event in February, and that we were all invited to go. The truth was that no such even was being organized, and this friend in common didn't have the means to throw the grill party. 

When confronted with the lie, this person doubled down and claimed it was the friend in common who had made the party into a much bigger thing than what it really was, because "you know how they are". I do know how this friend is, and is not like that. This fall in to many traits of the narcissist, such as the lying, the demeaning of others, as well as the fantasy life they build for themselves, not to mention the clear sense of entitlement they have by putting others to rush and organize the party they wanted to have.

Clearly, others had to rush in and call of a party that had never really been called in, explain that there had been no ill intention in "not calling them personally, because there have never been a party organized", and so on. The trait present here is that if not taking any responsability, not accepting criticism

Anyway, I told this person how all their lies had caused a conmotion and that I wasn't up to be used to in such a nasty way. They still pretended to be innocent, have no idea what had happened, it was not them, and so on. So, I stopped talking to them. They still sent a message weeks after, asking why was I upset, they have never done anything with any ill intention, and so on. And in a narcissist way, they said that they would "give me time" to get over it. Since when is my time theirs to give or withhold? In case you wonder, this is a trait of entitlement, which is one of the most common with this person.

Anyway, I went on ignoring them, and with time I went and blocked them off all platforms. Or almost all platforms. Yesterday this person went on Twitter and sent me a message there. Honestly, I didn't read it, I just blocked them and erased the message.

One of my friends, who know about this whole situation, asked me if it wouldn't be better to explain to them what's the case, so that they can move on. I think I could, but... have I not already done that? And to what effect? They kept replying and coming back with evident lies. Do I have to give them a chance to explain themselves? Why? I gain nothing from their explaining, specially because through the years I have seen them lie away all the criticism that has been given to them. I have heard them belittle the advise others have given them. Why would my observations have any other effect?

I think it's not a matter of whether others deserve explanations from you, but a matter of whether You think explaining yourself would be worth it. In this case, for me, any other word to this person would be a waste.

I share this will all of you, in case you are in a similar situation, and you are pulled in over and over by a narcissist person who demands that "you explain yourself" so that they can keep destroying you, belittling you, and pretending that your reasons are selfish or invalid. They are not.

Coffee table Thoughts

Property of Stormberry

 I'm elated today, as I managed to finish the context chapter of my MSc thesis. Such a small thing it seems for many, but such a huge one for me, as I was stuck, lost in options and completely paralyzed by the numbness of trying to write about something that never seemed to materialize before my eyes.  I had put to myself - finally -  a date for the chapter to be completely finished, also as a way to have some leverage when contacting my thesis director about retaking the work and pushing this project forward.

I have been working on this chapter for over a year, writing and rewriting, often feeling at loss, as the idea of what I want seemed to float before my eyes but bubbling so huge, there was no way to look at it and make it "doable". For bringing it into the world, I had the invaluable aid of my tutor, though I do believe he also had grand dreams about my research. He pulls more towards knowledge and education, while I pull harder towards the workforce and the labor market. It has been a complex mix, but we've been swimming around it.

As it happened, last year - for December - he asked to a "readable" context chapter, with whatever I had, and I was able to provide one 75% done. It entailed lots of cutting back, rewriting and reframing, and only the "education" segment was entirely missing. Then he was silent. But we were on vacations, so maybe there was that. On January I had to contact him again because we had to send an update of the advance, and he mentioned that he was out of the country "for a few months", and haven't checked what I sent him, "but he will soon, and send me his comments". I kinda freaked out, BUT up to that point I had not worked much on the last 25% of the chapter, contented with just checking data, websites, and collecting data here and there.

And time passed and I had no news from him, so I started to worry. I do like him very much, and I'm afraid nobody else would be able to understand my topic has he does, plus he has changed so much of my original proposal, that I now really need him to bring my vision through. So I wasn't looking forward to write to the University and inquire about him - I don't want to get him in trouble - but I need to contact him and get a reply. And so I devised this cunning idea: I'll finish the chapter, send it to him and ask him at once for a meeting to go over the chapter, the required corrections and the next step.

Living in a Catholic country, infused with the Spanish culture (or what's left of it), we had a Holy Week, which means a long holiday (completed with mandatory vacations), so I decided to take this Holy Week to dedicate to my thesis, to this chapter, and so I have. I organized the data, searched on the sites I had pegged for information, organized what I had, decided on a format that won't swell my chapter form 35 pages to 80 (originally my incomplete chapter WAS 80 pages with just the 50% of it), and so I worked really hard at it.

I finished the chapter today at noon, and printed it... kinda. I ran out of ink. Tomorrow - which is a National Holiday - I'll review it calmly, note stuff to fix, and then program an e-mail to be delievered to my director thesis on Tuesday (first workday) around 16.00 hrs (about when academic work starts), with the chapter and the meeting request.

Now I prepare my dinner, drink a beer and read Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D.H. Lawrence. I take small glimpses at the next week, thinking of a work meeting I don't want to have, because I know it's going to irk me (stupidity irks me), happy thinking that I would deal with the thesis procedures a day earlier, so I don't bother my tutor with untimely e-mails, while I won't add to my annoyance due to the meeting with my academic tasks pending. So, by careful planning and hard work, I'll be able to prepare for the annoying meeting, and have plety of cool-off time and cool-off chances.

Recently I also worked on a tentative terror short story, though I feel I'd like to work on a longer piece, a novel. I have loads of unfinished ideas, which I call "fragments", but also unfinished novels stashed around. Maybe I could work on that.

There is a delicious comfort around me, a warm softness and liberating solitude, full of books and journals and videos and spaces to express myself that make my life such a wonderful thing. Like walking in a soft soiled forest where even for the hardships and annoyances I can prepare myself so much better than those who live in concrete poured jungles.

A Year Begins with Mercury Retrograde

Property of Stormberry

 Happy 2023. The year started with us dipped in Mercury Retrograde season, and truth to be told, it didn't feel much like Mercury Retrograde once we were in it. Or at least it didn't feel so for me. Could it be that I'm learning to surf it better? I did try to be careful and concentrate more in the introspective part of the equation, taking time to meditate instead of jumping into action with a now-or-never attitude. There were lucky strikes through this season and really good stuff I had not expected.

But at the same time, I did saw people being roughed up in the waves of the retrograde, getting bad news and trying to start things that worked against them. Not in the least, I saw that in politics, but then again most of politics nowadays seem to be living in permanent Mercury Retrograde, independently of what are the celestial bodies doing or where they are.

I'm taking my time with my thesis (again), which shows in the fact that I have taken several weeks off active thesis work, dealing mostly with thought process and organizing my ideas, but without commiting anything or much to paper. Then, notes started jotting on scraps of paper, into the notes section of my planner, or the margins of the printed out versions of the chapter drafts I have specifically put on paper for this reason: so they organically catch the notes and ideas in a way that I can see them and relate to them easier. I don't cease to admire people who can do all their notetaking digitally, on so many tablets, phones and apps, because that to me seems so dry, so lifeless and more messy than my own handwritten notes. Not that I'm entirely analog, mind you, but paper and pen will always trump the electronic options. At least for now.

Today I came to a Starbucks store I recently discovered, at La Ribera in Belén (Heredia, Costa Rica). It's not the closest one to my place (that would be the one in Plaza Real, Alajuela), but I like this better. The place is small, calm, not overly cold and is located is a good neighborhood, in the front court of a hotel I have not heard much about, and frequented by people who pull out their laptops to do laptop-things. Let's not pretend that everybody here work or study, as I am here and I'm doing neither. Tomorrow I'll come again, but then I'll meet for afterwork coffee with my dear friend Mario, and probably his wife Arelys too. That will be a social visit. This one is a Me-Date, and as such I'll get to strike out two things from my List of 13:

• Have a me-date
• Blog

Cool, huh? I love doing stuff from my List of 13 (which is the whole point of the list). I also was in need of a little brain-break, as I was working at home, and also took the chance to do some thesis work in the down time. I felt tempted to continue BUT that would have not been wise: the brain needs to be rested regularly to keep it working well. I had also a practical excuse to get myself out of the house, namely that I had to tank the car because my brother borrowed it on Tuesday and brought it back with the fuel light on (not cool, really), but also because I'm running low on groceries so I have to go shopping for sustenance. I would have come yesterday, but after work I wasn't feeling much like it, so I procrastinated.

Today, however, that was no longer an option as I really had to deal with the fuel and the food, and leaving it for tomorrow, when I'm meeting with Mario and Are is not really an option. I wanted a relaxed, enjoyable outing, and worrying whether I've enough fuel to make it to the nearest, acceptable gas station is not enjoyable in the least. And besides, I wanted my me-date. I needed my me-date.

Last Saturday I met with a friend for her birthday, and, well, the outing wasn't all that pleasant. There was an awful experience there, where she tried to return some skincare products she had bought but which had fallen and broken. The store didn't take it back and my friend got upset. Really upset. Honestly, I was taken aback, as I have never heard of a store here that would receive back a good that has been broken by the customer, whether on purpose or not. The whole experience was awfully unpleasant and uncomfortable, and then she didn't let go of the topic. It could have been such a nice day, otherwise.

There was something else though, that was strange. Her husband and Mario are very good friends and are part of a friendly gambling group that bets mostly on the outcome of the NFL. The five of us have gone out and met a couple of times, so one could say that we are all friends. And we five have also gone out in the prepandemic days on #NFLtours, which were the Costa Rican Twitter buch parties that we organized to go see a game together, open to anyone who saw the tweet and wanted to join. I met my friend and her husband in one of those gatherings. So, all this to make clear that the NFL games are a thing for us. All of us.

So, on Saturday this friend tells me that Mario and her husband are planning a grill party at Mario's to watch the Super Bowl, and if I'm going. That it was something just the five of us. I was surprised, because I would have expected to hear of this first from Mario, not from this friend. Mario and I are really close, like siblings. I would have thought he would tell me before asking my friend's husband. I assumed there was a reason Mario had said nothing, so I told my friend I would have to check my calendar. The next day or maybe on Monday I asked Mario, as Mario had still told me nothing of this close party I was supposed to be part of.

Well, it turns out that it wasn't a grill party for the five of us at Mario's place, but an activity for the NFL betting gang, it was going to be at a party ranch at Mario's condo, with a small gathering of max 20 people. Mario was a bit confused but said that of course, if I wanted to go, I was more than welcome, but he had said nothing because it was still just an idea, nothing had been arranged or booked and it was a betting gang thing, not an "us" thing. I told him not to worry, that I still have to see if I can fit the activity in my agenda, as the Super Bowl is on Sunday, at night and I would still have to drive home and have someone feed my furry children. However, I do was upset that my friend had mislead me.

I messaged her, and told her that I heard something different from Mario about the activity, and I still wasn't sure I would be able to attend. Then she doubled down, said "Oh you know how Mario is..." and claimed that the original idea was only the five of us, but Mario made a huge thing of it. So she would need me to be there because sure the men would be doing their thing and she didn't want to get bored, so it would be good if I was there to keep her entertained. The audacity. I thought for a moment about unloading Mercury Retrograde on her, but then, if I haven't unloaded it on Sinner, why would I waste my anger on her? She also noted quite upset that the founder of the betting gang (M) would be there, since she's terribly jealous of this woman. Mario did tell me that M would be there, as she was the founder, though M had taken distance from the group and was pursuing other interests, so it wasn't sure she would be there.

I left most of her message unanswered, and told her that, again, I wasn't sure I would go, but even if I did, wasn't going to be anyone's lady in waiting, because I would be watching the game, so probably I would be bunched up with the men, as well as all the people who have an interest in the NFL (all attending), but that she could try and talk to Are, that it would do her good to expand her friend group, and maybe talk with people who have things in common with her.

Since doubling down here was no longer an option for her, she messaged back saying "Oh, I wasn't aware you liked American football!". Does she remember how we met?

A Few Updates

I'm again running behind with my proposed schedule. Why on Hell did I ever made this a New Year's Resolution? Truth is one should only post when one wants to and when one has something to post about.

Ok, it's not like I don't have a lot of things to talk about - I can yap all day long, and those who know me personally can attest to that. However, these past weeks have been sort of a drag on me. They have been grinding down my nerves and I just want to... I just want general vacations from everything. I think I want to be retired, without a care in the world. See? Nobody talks about the burdens of being "still young", "still in working age", or more to the point "too young for retirement".

So what has been bearing down on me?

House of Seven Gables

My house is finally being built, which is so awesome and so, so wonderful, BUT. So, there have been some issues with the finances, and not precisely mine. There was a part that my folks were supposed to help me with, which they can't afford now, so I'll have to go great lenghts to get the money from another source (namely, an unplanned loan, that will hack into my plans for the future, regarding buying inane amounts of books - ok, maybe those won't be affected - and traveling).

This has really gotten to my nerves, and so on my parents' nerves. The issue is complicated and can be tracked to a particular couple of someones - who shall remain unnamed - who have been going all happy-go-lucky spending freely the money they didn't have and making changes on the go that cost quite hefty sums. The result? Now my folks and my brother have to start looking for ways to reduce costs in what's still missing (all de details), and I have to see how can I foot the bill for my house.

There are ups in this, like several savings that can be made on my house thanks to some special discounts my dad can get (since he has been buying building material on bulk), and I can also use up a lot of material that was purchased for the other houses but never got used.

The Gods willing, all is going to be ok.

Meanwhile, it does make me so happy to see my little house raise up from the ground, from its foundations and become the house of my dreams, my very own House of Seven Gables.

Marketing Thesis

This topic shouldn't be pressing anymore on me, since I'm really about to finish it. All chapters have been written, the tutor finds everything "perfect", with some details here and there to fix, and I happen to know that I am the only student actually presenting each chapter for revision and grading on time.

Eight of us started the process, only two of us are still in the run (with this tutor), and I'm the only one that seems to have a hope of graduating. So, what's the problem here? That I realized I don't like marketing. It's not my thing and I don't enjoy it at all. Of course, it's a plus for me to know about this, and be able to gauge the proposals marketing experts present me, understand when they go all "technical" on me, but this is not what I want to do by far. Not like I would, I mean, I am an economist, but I have to think like I want to do this for the benefit of the thesis I'm writing and it just fills me with ennui.

When I'm done with this, I think I'll only keep on studying further in Economics. I don't want to strand away from my true path.

German Classes

Ok, this was a headache, but now it's more like a release. My issue with the German lessons was that I wasn't enjoying them anymore, attending them felt like a drag and for a while I've been feeling like I'm not learning a thing. It wasn't because my teachers weren't good enough, because they are amazing, or that the textbooks were boring - they are ok - or because my classmates were obnoxious - they are ok. My problem was that I hate the place where I had to go. It's far, ugly and boring. I had to struggle through around an hour of traffic to get there - oftentimes more - only to arrive to a desolated place, with an awful parking space (ok, at least there was parking space), far from any coffeeshop to make it more pleasant.

Then, when classes were over, I had to drive home for over 45 minutes, to get home past 22 hr, to wake up the next day at 3:45 hr. Not fun. So, as result I was no longer paying attention to class and studied only for the tests. In the end, I was passing the classes but nothing remained in my head.

I like to finish everything I start - therefore I am struggling with stupid Marketing - but this was more that I was willing to keep on doing.

So, after much thinking and mulling about it, I decided not to enroll into the next class. It took me some time, but I finally decided that my need to finish stuff shouldn't go against my better judgement. Why keep paying to get nothing from it? And why should I keep learning more through classes? I don't need a German Language diploma? I need to practice. So I shut the door on that one, and decided to keep up only the German Reading Club, which I enjoy, it's located in my favorite building, at agreeable hours, much more relaxed, and I get to practice with stuff I do like: books.

I still get some discomfort from leaving the class, but at the same time I feel so... liberated. :-) I just need to get fully into this new reality.

"I don't know if you are a believer"

The fourth diploma is finally getting started on the last mile - meaning the thesis has already been officially started - and as part of it, I had my first meeting with the thesis tutor. It was a curious thing, because she choose to do the meeting via Skype - which she can record - something I found odd, truth to be told - and... well, it was a little difficult to get to work. I don't know your experience, but Skype being Skype, it usually offers more troubles than solutions.

My topic is something I have worked with a lot at my job, and something on which I can confidently say, I am one of the handful of people in the country that actually knows what are we talking about. Kind of like with the topic of the previous thesis (the one I did for Finance), where my main forte was that I was one of a handful of people with deep knowledge on the subject, in the whole country.

From what I gather of the experience, I have the feeling that we both had a very different view of what the thesis was to be about. As she tried to give me some guidence from her perspective, I felt at loss because it was like she was trying to do the work for me, take my topic and give it whatever spin she wanted from it. Then, there was a part I found really improper. To better fit my thesis to the requirements of the University -  to which I am open - not only did she do some suggestions  - to which I am open - but the she ended up the issue telling me that SHE would redact the specific goals and send them to me. I mean, isn't THIS supposed to be MY thesis? She shouldn't be allowed to redact ANYTHING in my thesis. And I want to make it clear that I have not asked her to do this, nor I suggested it, nor she offered it: she stated it. This rubbed me wrong.

I let her talk, listened, watched and kept my cards close to my chest. She did had a couple of really good turns by the end where I thought things could work. And then... she brought her religious views into the conversation. Yes, it could be seen as "she bringing God into the conversation", but let's bring this into its actual matter: people hardly ever talk about a Divine Entity without framing it within their religious frame. So, there she goes, finishing the conversation with "the first thing is to put this in the hands of God, because without Him nothing can't be done -- oh, are you a Believer?". I didn't even got to answer that, but she just went on with it.

As she went on the godly thing, I started thinking about the narrow mindedness of the believer-non believer world view. I am a believer, but I happen not to be a christian believer. I'm a pagan believer. She, however, didn't consider that, and went on her holy extasy as if "believing" means that you follow the christian religious frame... specifically hers. To me, this was uncomfortable and insulting. No, she wasn't bashing my personal beliefs or my religious beliefs directly, but probably she hasn't been exposed to any other religion, but she also got me thinking of the things we mistakenly take for granted. Just because something is meaningful for you, it doesn't mean it is as meaningful - and in the same way - to others. Be it religion, politics, fashion, sports, sometimes it pays better to be cautious, to wait until you get a full answer from the person you are talking to before putting in your two cents. I mean, what would have she done if the situation were reversed, and by the end of the conversation I would have said "Well, I pray to my Gods for illumination and clarity of view on this topic", or if instead of "I'll think about that" I would have said "I'll consult tonight with the spirits"?

We all need to be a little bit more mindful and listen before we jump into conclusions and offer our opinion.

Thoughts and Updates

Source: Pinterest.com

In recent days I've been floating in a sort of haze. First of all, allow me to update you in matters of which I've posted previously. So, how did it go with the defense of my thesis? Swimingly. :-) I'm proud to tell y'all, that not only did I made it, but I gotten the rare honor of scoring a perfect grade: 10 out of 10. This is so rare, that my thesis director (we call it "tutor"), told me he hadn't seen one such case in his two years of experience. This is my third degree, and one could say it is my third thesis (if we don't take in account the fact that I had to write two with my team for the Accounting degree, in which case this would be my fourth thesis), and this is the first time I get a 10 out of 10.

As you remember, I was freaking out the week before the defense, and I mean fucking-freaking-out. I was obssessed with the timing of my presentation, that juts didn't want to go under 25 minutes. The topic was one I know thanks to my job and the involvement I've had with it since it became an issue in our industry. Just to put you in context (quickly and easily, I promise!), my thesis was about the impact of the LRIC costing model applied by the Costa Rican Telecom Regulator (SUTEL) on the capability of Dominant Operators to generate profit. In plain English, if the rules applied by the Government (throught the SUTEL) allowed companies considered big to make money. 

I took three days of vacations to prepare for the defense (the day of the defense and two days ahead of it), and so I went on and on and on, mixing down time and reading (novels) with rehearsal. I wanted to be rested and relaxed to be in peak conditions, but my brain would not stop. During my morning exercise routines, as well as I was walking around the city running my errands, I went on talking to myself, repeating over and over my presentation. Each of the 32 slides were etched in my inside of my eyelids, and so constantly I invoked them in my head in order while I repeated the loosely scripted speech I planned to give. Time and again I had to cut here and there, calming the protesting voices inside me with "Look, if they really want to know, they will ask, and if they do - fuck - give'em all".

Source: Pinterest

The day of the presentation I trusted myself to my gods - Minerva, Mercury and Neptune - and drove to meet my Fates. There were more people than I had initially expected, among them a professor who had been my detractor previously. I've got a little more nervous because of that, mainly because I didn't want to be rude, and I wasn't sure how to properly explain the things he had objected previously without sounding like I was ridiculing him for not noticing. Yes, diplomacy is definitively not my strong suit.

When the defense began my voice trembled and broke, and I've got tongue tied with easy words like "market" and "telecommunications", but I kept pushing on. I had this by heart. The one professor I had invited to be my supporting audience was left out, but my thesis director was there and smiled at me encouragingly. Then I loosened up, and soon switched into a different mode. I was looking at my audience in the eyes, talking to them vehemently, the same way I would at work, because I felt like I was at work, in a meeting trying to make understand a mixed audience about the importance of my work and why it must be supported and brought to the Regulator. I passed from slide to slide, but I wasn't looking at the slides. Those were aid for my audience if they didn't get what I was telling them. Each slide offered a simple scheme of what I was telling them. Imagine it like an economist, defending a Finance project to financists while using the subtle art of Marketing to attack them on all fronts (auditive and visual) so that they would open up to my message. And it worked.

I was within the timeframe alloted to me, and when the questions came, I used emotion to spice my words. My topic was about Regulators and big telecom companies, but with words I landed my issues into their pockets. I rose their spirits, made them feel like the company I was representing was theirs and that they had to defend it whatever the cost. I made them feel aggravated and ready to jump, because what I was denouncing felt to them like a personal blow. I owned them and their hearts.

When it came to an end, I felt like crying. The professors applauded and smiled so bright, I felt in a dream. One of the coordinators present at the defense asked me little after the end of the process, if she could give my work to a colleague that works at a higher Regulator body. She explained that she had commented my work with him and he wanted to read it. Oh goodness! By all means!

I stayed around because I planned to stay for the defense of my classmates (that was in the afternoon, while I defended in the morning), so as I met with professors from my other careers (Accounting and Marketing), and all of them were told of my results, soon started encouraging me to submit my curriculum vitae so I could start teaching.

I met then - almost by accident - with an old classmate of mine, from my days as an economics student. I knew he worked there, and I had intended on inviting him, but somehow it had escaped my mind, and when I remembered that I would have loved having him there, it was too late and felt improper. I still was happy to see him. For sake of simplicity, lets call him Friedrich, in honor of Friedrich Engels.

Friedrich and I have had always an uneasy sort of relationship. Back in Economics, we were mostly classmates, but he wasn't really in any of my circles. He wasn't someone I would have called "a friend", but not an outright rival either. I don't think I had ever smiled at him in those days, and though we talked here and there - and when we did our conversations were long - there wasn't an easy environment. As I cast my mind back to those days, perhaps I could describe my feelings there best as "predatorial", or maybe "on guard". I was on the lookout for him, watching him, measuring him, cataloguing his comments and running my minds about meanings and counter messages. I do know we had played poker together and he improved my poker education, which by then had some grounding on what I had learned in Hungary from my Kenian and Jordanian friends.

Those years ended in silence, as we had a fall off. Actually, I don't remember much (and I haven't actively sought my journals of that time to find out what had I recorded of the incident), but Friedrich said I've got mad because he forgot to come to a meeting we had arranged to work on a project. Curiously, I have one image in my head, of him looking at me with so much hatred and anger as I have never seen on him, while I just wondered what the hell was happening. Be it as it may, we definitively fell out with each other by the last years of our career.

We met again when my team and I defended our first Accounting thesis (the program required us to work in teams and prepare one thesis in Accounting and another in Auditig). That first time, after over fifteen years, I remember he walked out into the hall were we waited and didn't see me. Having all tense feeling fled from me since then, and having recognized him, I called him. He turned and froze. To this day I remember him there, in the hallway, frozen as he saw me. His beautiful green eyes had widened, but not a muscle moved in his body, halted by what looked like paralizing fear. I smiled and came closer, but dread came into my soul as I searched my faulty memory for whatever sign of damage, anger, violence or any other type of bullying I may have inflicted upon him.

There is one thing I said to him, etched in fire in my mind, so poisonous and unsensitive, which filled me with such unadulterated, pure hatred it had fed me and made me smile in my youth. Then and today, it makes me feel bad, and incites in me the need to atone.

He recovered his composture, and then little after invited me to his office, where we talked. If my mind serves me well, I think I then apologized for that awful incident and all other insults I may have hurled at him in our youth. From then on we kept a loose e-mail contact,  based mainly on the discussion of some economical topics.

Back to the day of the defense, I found myself apologizing again for not inviting him. I made my apology short and to the point. There was no need to tell him how much I regretted it, and how I would have love to have his familiar face and his luminous eyes supporting me when I needed courage. Funny how the world turns, right? The one I was distrusting about was the one I would have loved to hold my hand and tell me that all would be well. Then, for the first time ever, he embraced me.

No, let me put this clearly. Though we've had hugged before, as a usual form of greeting, this time around his embrace had an entirely different quality. More than friendly, his embrace was warm, sustained and felt like a pull into the heart. I've mused much over this touching embrace and the one way I can describe it best is to compare it to the longing embrace you would give to a book you've thought long lost, and which suddenly comes back to you again. A lost little treasure. That's how he made me feel, like he was happy to find me again. That warmed my soul. We talked and agreed to meet for lunch in the week. Through out that meeting and the subsequent lunch, I caught him staring at me, those glass clear green depths fixed on my features, past my skull, as if searching for something beneath my skin. His gaze held long at time, and I had no idea of their intention. On any other person I would have thought they held the questing look of someone trying to build up courage for a move, but given our current circumstances and our raw, charged past, I would put such considerations far from him.

Our correspondence seems to have taken again the old, paused pace we have kept for a couple of years now, but that has not diminished the green flame in my solar plexus. I'd like to reach out and grab into his wrist, wrap my fingers securely around it and hold like Grettel would into the hand of her brother. I think I would like to have him in my life, like a sort of another brother with whom one could be silly, goofy, and sneak out to gorge on chocolate while talking about economics.

A Week of Tests

Wow, I'm nervous! This week is going to be a big week for me. It's funny how I feel like I want to write, but I also don't want to be typing, but then I need to write too. Do you get it? Neither do I. So, what is happening this week? First of all, today I have the second test of my B2C course of German. I'm one course away from completing the B2 level, which would mean that my language skills (in German) should be pretty much near advanced. I don't feel it.

I had a previous test in this same course, for which I didn't study - this is what I do in order to measure how much I actually do know, under regular circumstances - and it went well, though I have no idea whatsoever how did I manage to do that. This time? Yeah, I studied. Hopefully it will go well.

However my nerves today are not entirely due to this test, but to what's in store for me on Friday: the defense of my third thesis, this time in Finance. At this point, the usual helping lines don't work for me. "Remember that you are the expert, you are the one who knows this", "You already have the largest and most difficult part done, this is just presenting it", "People hardly ever flunk their defense, that's what all the preparation and filters before hand are for". Dude, this is my THIRD thesis, I know this and I have already heard all these comforting words. That's not my concern. My concern is that I'm prone to forget things, AND I have a very limited amount of time. I have 25 minutes. What can be said in 25 minutes!? Well, I tell you what: the bare bones. 

Source: Property of Stormberry

My topic is really complicated, so I feel that in 25 minutes I'll leave the tribunal examining me more confused than even before I start (though they are supposed to have read the thesis before hand), so I don't know if they will even have an idea of what to ask. No, that's not a good thing: the thesis must be clear, and I want them to understand what I am proposing with my thesis.

The first time I made my presentation at a pre-defense, I was 10 minutes ABOVE the allowed time frame, so though the presentation itself was ok, I needed to improve that. It wasn't so bad, as only one of the other three classmate presenting was under the timeframe, and the rest were well above my surplus, with one lady going over 40 minutes. That is 40 in excess over the 25 alotted. Compared to that, I didn't do so badly, don't you think? :-)

Yesterday I did my first trial after the pre-defense, and I was again at 35 minutes total (10 minutes in excess). Considering that I had to add one slide to my presentation, I actually saw it as an improvement. What I did then was trim the presentation by scripting it, so I would give myself clear talking points, and try not to deviate from it. My thinking was: "I won't explain now. If they don't understand, they can ask me later".

Today I gave it another try. I must admit that I had to stop my temporizer several times in order to remember some parts, which I hope to have completely nailed down for Friday, and then I also was stopping at my 5 minute marks to make sure I make the notations on my slideshows so that the next time I know where am I. The result? Currently I'm only 2,5 minutes over my timeframe. :-) Hey, I'm improving! :-D

I have taken tomorrow and the two next days off, so I can prepare myself peacefully for this defense. Wish me luck! 💚🍀

Our Last Mile

Damned, I'm nervous! I've been nervous and on mounting proportions since Monday afternoon, and the reason being that on this fateful Monday afternoon, some minutes after 17 h I received a call from the University: we've been given a date for the defense of our thesis. Yes! A reason to be happy! Ehem, yes, for this Friday at 14 h. *screeching sound* O_O Come again?

Mile and I met this Saturday to work on our presentation. Didn't get around practicing our presentation, only discussing what goes in the slides, but then again, though we knew the deadline for the thesis is, well, this Friday, we had no news on when  the actual defense date would be and we were thinking more on the lines of preparing to ask for a extension, since we would evidently run out of time. I remember telling Mile that it would be a HUGE MIRACLE if we've got to defend on Friday, but that was so impossible, so out of the realm of possibilities, that honestly, in the best of cases, we would defend NEXT Friday. We even made an appointment to meet on Saturday - this Saturday - to practice our defense presentation.

This thesis has been a war through and through. From the struggles with the tutor to get things going on, going over and over the same issues, trying to get information, facing open opposition and animosity, all sorts of strange things to debunk the lectors we really wanted, obstacles and whatnots to get in the way to the people ready to help us... For years it seemed like a monster working against us, trying to force us to desist from the attempt, in way that defy any sense of logic. People from other Faculties stared in amazement at our recount of the things we were told and were exposed to. Then, step by step fighting to get it done, then the struggle to get it approved, biting back the impulse to just slash out and dish a few truths in the open.

Mile and I grew closer, like two soldiers left alone behind enemy lines, holding to our helmets, fisting hard our rifles, and pushing, pushing, pushing.

Then the "administrative mistakes" such as "oh yes, you are in such a hurry, and I know, and I still forgot entirely about sending your request for over three weeks, and were you not called me, it will still be sitting in my desk waiting to be sent".

For years - and literally, YEARS, since 2007 - Mile and I always turned to each other and said, "we are one step closer". It was like a mantra. We only had each other, and we had to stick together, and so we decided not to look at the dark side of the process, but look only at the positive. "We are one step closer". We could be at the begining, the job opportunities and promotion chances sliding past us, chances gone for good, or another set back hideously rolled before us, and still we held our hands hard like two lost little girls in the deep, dark woods and say "But we are one step closer".

Step by step we celebrated each finished stage of the process and took strenght to face the next. In the end, for over a year now - since May, 2010 - our mantra changed to "We are close".

"We are on the last mile," we said to each other "we are done, and these are the last steps."

Used to fight against all chances, we prepared a slideshow "just in case". We fought constantly to stay one step ahead the process, whenever we could have that step given. We tried not to get our hopes too high, so that we didn't brace for the possible blow, and it worked every time. We struggled and we fought and we gained our turf slowly, and inch at the time. I guess we didn't expect this. It is finally here, our last step.

I'm nervous, I won't hide it - not here -  and I feel like screaming and crying. It's like I must be on my toes all day to keep my tears from rolling down my cheeks. I'm so scared! We were prepared to keep fighting the system, and now the system has finally yielded, and - I'm so sure - all by the hand of God. We weren't supposed to defend on Friday, but God made it possible.

In a little over three days time we have to prepare for the defense - practice our presentation - and handle the logistics: snacks, coffee, name holders, water for the table...

This is it. This is.

I rushed yesterday looking for a suit, nothing too fancy,  but then again anything that doesn't look like what a whore would use to play the part of the naughty executive lady, is truly overpriced. I found a suit at ARMI. The pants are huge on me, so Mom and I will work on taking it in and fitting it, but it was that or see what can I use from my currently depleted suit collection. I was really on the point of "buy a suit or get used to having only informal clothes".

Tomorrow I'm on vacations - from work, that's it, so as Friday, as fixing a permit for thesis defense on such a short notice with the appointed HHRR is next to Mission Impossible - so you weren't going to hear or read from me in the next two days, but now you know why else you won't.

Wish me Luck! (and calm)

It always comes back

I meant to write on Summer Solstice, since a Smurf greeted me "Happy Litha" (though I believe pagans greet "blessed Litha") and I thought about how nice would it be to gather and share a few thoughts and words with the Great Darkness (meaning the cyberspace and all of you, beloved readers who remain so safely conceled in it's digital anonymity). However, as more often than  not lately, time got in the way and I never got around to write. Well, as a matter of fact, I haven't gotten around to write in quite a while.

These past days have been crazy. I was both on the run to get things finished as soon as possible with the thesis, which didn't went as quickly as planned thanks to the slacking of the 50% of the workforce behind this thing. I did finish it and sent it to the lectors on Tuesday, and now I'm praying and hoping everything is fine and without observation, so that we can go through the next point and please, please, please get it finished before we run out of time, which is in 2 months. Nothing like pressure to get you running in circles chasing your own tail, right? Anyway, this is the point where my capabilities halt, where I can do no more, though I'll keep doing all I can, but leave it to God. Let's pray and hope for a miracle.

Work, on the other hand, has been all over the place. I've been graced with quite some hefty tasks, which I've been shouldering while wrestling with yet another task involving other areas, which have neglected to follow procedure and had nearly shot themselves in the foot. Well, as a matter of fact, the known philosophy followed by their head of "rather ask forgiveness than permission" has effectively put a whole in their metatarsals. They have acted rashly, in a hot headed fashion, claiming to be urged to get things done, with no time to follow due procedure, and precisely this has costed them up to much more time than what it would have if they've had done it as it should have been from the begining. With this move another of their requests (well, a couple of them) has just fallen off the grill.

I'd really would like to extend a little about Litha - though it is well known that I am a Christian, generic, not fringe, and not a Pagan - and a few things connected to it, but the first thought that comes to mind as I think of time, right now, is that Smurf and his coworkers are moving to another building in another district. In the last re-shifting, their group was separated from ours, and attached to another division, which has kept them quite at bay, which has roused suspition around the group. Rumors have already spread, about it being due to their head, who's known of being of a rather difficult kind. From both sides it has been notorious how the rest of the division has been integrated, kept in one same space, but they are still and will still be kept shut aside and away from the rest of them.

As these things roll out, there's a certain sense of connection in the whole. The wheel of the year turns, the milestones in it, or Sabbaths mark a certain balance and also in the daily life, the cycles of work show that they follow them also. Everything comes back to the begining, it is not a straight line drawing your path, but a circle, maybe a spiral that takes you again to the same place, maybe from a different position, but it always comes back. You can't get away with murder, there's no such thing. What you sow is exactly what you reap.

Litha, middsummer. Somewhere I read it means "gentle" as in the sense of gentle waters that are easier to navigate. Well, let's hope that the good intentions, hopes and efforts are carried easily and swiftly to their goal.

Fly Away

More often than not, my mind tends to fly away with all kinds of ideas and other crazy fantasies. Other than the eventual three-week-lasting-story that plays over and over in my mind (and boy, are those awesome!), sometimes I get these ideas about something that would be good to put in a book. Such is the sudden idea to write a book about people and pets, in the line of the post I did the day before yesterday... or so on. Not that it wouldn't be a fun idea, but it wouldn't be scientifical, and sure a lot of stupid people would be whining because they have dogs but "are not needy" or have birds but "are not psychos fixed on asphixiating others with their manners" or any other matter. Then, of course, there's the thing that I am a catperson, a quite passionate catlover and that might make me biased towards this beautiful kind. So, even if I state and disclaim the non-scientifical base of the book, there will always be some moron willing to bitch and complain about it.

Then, well, there's the fact that I don't know much about owners of other pets, like reptiles and rocks and wicked stuff, so the book would be quite incomplete.

The thought, however, is quite entertaining, imagining each chapter and the things I could say about this or that pet-lover character.

It doesn't come as a surprise that such amusing ideas come precisely when I should be concentrating on other matters, such as the thesis. Yes, it's getting to my nerves again.

This time the tutor specifically refused to meet us at the one hour both Mile and I can get to the University. No, this man specifically selected an hour when Mile and I are still working. The s.o.b. Since we can't, he suggested we talk it over on the phone. Uhum. Couteroffer was presented today: "How about the e-mail?". The dude is allergic to the e-mails, and I guess it has to do with the fact that we could then have on paper his observations and bring them up again if he changes his mind and sends other suggestions.

Oh well, another day in the struggle.

This Last Week When I Was Out

It's been a week since I last wrote, and not few things happened in this week. First of all, there was the "building matter" and this time it wasn't another evacuation - though I would have really enjoyed that - but an article that appeared in the newspapers about the building and how Supercalifragilistic it is.  This, well, rose a lot of reactions, like some utterly stupid - there's no other word for it -  reader who wrote a comment at the electronic site of the paper saying that we "shouldn't be so lazy" and instead of waiting 45 minutes for the elevator, perhaps we "should climb the stairs". Yeah, why don't that s.o.b. come here and climb 16 flights in those stairs and see how he or she likes it? I mean, I would personally climb the stairs, and I was prepared to it, but I really, really need air, not to mention how unpleasant it is to work steated up. Dude, really, think before opening your trap.

To my surprise, I also found people IN the building upset about the article for an array of reasons. So said that such a note shouldn't have been published, that the problems we experience in the building are "absolutely normal" and proper of "a new building to which one has to get used to". Dude, the building was inspected before we moved in, tests were ran - so it was said - it took an extra month to receive it because it had to be corrected (the Fire Department requested for an external emergency exit, which hasn't been built yet, nor it looks like it would), and we get here and there's not a single day, since June 16th that something doesn't work? The freaking building is supposed to be smart! Or perhaps it is smart, but also spoiled and it's throwing a temper tantrum? (That, or the building is Smart. Yeah, Maxwell Smart.)

Also heard comments berating the publishing, saying that by venting this in the eye of the public, the image of the company would deteriorate. Hn. Let me see: the Government don't allow the company to do any investment, as th money is needed to pay the Governments trips and stunts. Add to it, a former employee of quite a high position is in a trial, where also a former President is charged with accounts of corruption in the Alcatel case. Some years ago the Director of Mobile Telecommunications of that time summoned a press conference to announce the opening of prepaid mobile services, when the service wasn't ready and the technical tests weren't positive, and said Director happily anounced the sale in three days. Three days later he was burried in his office or out of the country on the money of the company and let the technicians to explain why the service couldn't be offered. Then the most recent former CEO of the company, discharged this May, is being held on trial for fraud, as he used public funds for his personal use, as well as allowing his wife, who was not an employee of the company, to run it to her like and destroy the work of experienced employees, not to mention to use public funds for her own means. So no, I don't really think that this note on the building is the stain that would mar the company.

I do understand that things must be kept in the company and seek to solve them without pulling a Lohan or a Spears on the deal, but when the management is oblivious about the matters and the problems are issued with e-mails belittling the sitaution, things must be escalated.

This week also, I've got a new phone. ^_^ But please, don't think it's (yet another) compulsive purchase of mine. It was a real need. Really. My old phone, an adorable purple Sony Ericsson w380 broke. I bought it around two years ago (perhaps a week or two before I met Kari) and I loved it! Phone in Hungarian, preloaded with PannonGSM (now Telnor) stuff and all that, and lets be honest: I'm a sucker for technology in Hungarian. However my phone was reaching the 2 years, which makes it old - for me - so I was thinking in replacing it anyway. I definitively needed something with Internet, since I'm a Twitter and I'd love to tweet my way around like all my other Twitter friends, not to mention going bonkers tweeting during out #twittertours. Then, of course, there's also the matter of my PDA. After years of using my PDA it broke. Yes, I had a Palm Pilot m130 that worked adorably, but before I could replace it Palm Pilot closed the business and sould out to HP, and you know when will I buy HP: on neverday. (Have enough HP experience at the office with the HP laptops and printers and stuff, I really know what they are like and I'm not paying for them). Ever since the begining of this year I went back to basics, with a small agenda. Yep, paper agenda. You know, those that don't beep, that have only one way to be looked at, that require you to write up every single event of a given repetitive task, that don't expand when you need to accomodate more activities. Yeah, those. Well, a few ups, however: don't need batteries, don't disappear on you if you haven't charged them, let you stick stickers, draw, write in code, use colors... One thing for the other, right? 

So, the point is that I needed a new phone, and I was planning on getting it by the end of this year in Hungary. Well, after an improptu decision, I was going, so I might as well use the time to update my phone, right? Not to mention that it doesn't look swell to work on the telecommunications business and have some old phone on you.

Since I'm basically a Sony Ericsson-gal, I was checking their offer and was really thinking about an Xperia. When, how much and all those questions were faraway from me. Someday, some, somehow. The idea of an iPhone also fluttered around my brain. Then it happened. The Happening.

It was early Friday morning and, as usual, my phone rang to wake me up. Yes, only I left it charging and as I reached for it it fell on the floor and the joint between both sides of the clamshell broke. Oh hell. Clamshell phones are quite delicate, particularly this joint as it controls stuff like the answering of an incoming call and so on. The phone itself was still working, but when you opened it or closed it, it didn't have that claa that push it open or close, as it should. It was getting stuck. Well, I wasn't going to walk around with a broken phone, nor I was going to wait for it to finally die on me. Once at the office, I went down to the Lobby, to the Kölbi store and checked out the phones. I didn't really had any phone in mind, so I just saw a big banner of the Sony Ericsson Vivaz, which was a Sony Ericsson and had all I needed, and pointed at it.

"I want that, but I want it in a plan, with Internet."

The salesguy got me the phone, programmed it, printed out the contract, talked over the monthly fee ($80), told me I'd be paying it from next month on, and just like that, I had a new phone. It gave me a lot of trouble, truth to be told, as the new thing wasn't behaving like any other Sony Ericsson I have had so far, and I had have so far three of them!, but little by little we have been getting acquainted, and even though it hasn't behaved like any of my other SE, this one and I are getting along swell. Haven't named it yet, and I haven't named any phone lately, but I think this one deserves a Scandinav/Scandinavish name. Vesa? Eric?Sven? Sven-Eric, like the cop in Sunstorm? Solstorm? Still to be decided.

Then this same week I had this rich, wrapping messaging with a new penpal of mine, with whom I've took off and flew across the pink and purple skies of the soul. The long, almost daily messages written in such a fashion I felt as Henry Miller penpaling with Anais Nin (me reading Tropic of Cancer may have something to do with the feeling, but may not also), were topped with a delicious letter from her in my P.O.Box on Saturday. Oh the delight! Her letters telling ne as much as her words, the scent of the paper wrapping warm arms around be, from a new friend greeting me as an old one.

This past week felt as heaven!

Well, not to mention that I've worked on fixing the last chapter of the thesis and I've got an SMS from the tutor sayin that "we should unify the document for lecture and defense". We are one step ahead of you, Sir!

To finish it up, I've come up with an idea for a book. After reading a half-assed article in Harper's Bazaar, I've decided I'll compose a book on how to pack for a travel, based on my experience in the matter. Kinda like a "how to do" book with some frappy title like "How to pack and don't kill yourself or the suitcase in the process". How about that?

Happy new Week!