Shadow Work

 

Property of Stormberry

To be perfectly honest, shadow work scares me. I just... rather not do it, but I start to think that the world around me is slowly pushing me to face my wounds and my shadows and start solving them. And who likes to poke the places that hurt? Not me, I can tell you.

Ever since I'm living alone (even though close to my family), I have been able to take distance, take place and see the things that have been harming me, the things I react to, the things that make me feel vulnerable and chip away from my sense of security, my sense of safety and even my own capabilities. By actually spending more time alone, with myself (another blessing in disguise from the pandemic and the enforced work-from-home), I have been able to start unravelling why I do some things or why I can't stop doing, saying, feeling or thinking about certain stuff.

One such thing, that has taken a lot of time for me to accept, is the fact that my relationship with my dad isn't a good one. My dad is a very toxic person, and with age his toxicity only gets worse. He doesn't like to be wrong, and he doesn't like to admit that other people might know things better than him. With age, he has lost his ability to admire people, and so, when the feeling arises in him, it turns onto bitter envy. Along with all this, he has lost his ability to be humble. Understanding this for me has taken a while, but has been inportant, so that I can learn to question the things he does and says, instead of taking them as "the only right way to do things", which is how he presents them. And it's not easy.

I'm sure a lot of people out there know people like that: only what they say is right, even when you know it's not, but they insist and fight, and go as low as insult those who question them or prove them wrong, up to the point of making you doubt what you know and probably know better than them. Why is it important to recognize this? Because interacting with people with this behavior can chip away your sense of self-worth, self-respect and even your self-trust. It puts you  in an edge, when you try to do something for yourself, the way you think it should be done, because if there is one single mistake, one single flaw, or even if your attempt fails, you will feel the failure far bigger than it even is.

I'll give you an example: my house - which I LOVE - has a "complicated" roof because I wanted gables, which is not common in this part of the world. Because of it, it is prone to have leaks. And it has leaks. A lot of them have been fixed, but some appear here and there, and some are stubborn. The "original" building crew couldn't fix it, and abandoned the house, and my dad declared that "it can never be fixed and it will always leak". Oh, and he blamed my architect, basically because she's a woman and not the architect he picked. Well, I wasn't going to have that, so I hired some workers recommended by a friend, who actually did the job really well, and guaranteed the job. Of course, my dad still found faults, and all of those faults were false. Like, he said they were so expensive, whene he doesn't know how much they charge me. Or say they work really poorly, when they have fixed the things they have been hired to do.

Now, fixing leaks isn't all that easy, and so, as part of the guarantee, when the leaks appear again, they come and fix them free of charge. However, each time a leak reappears or a new one appears, I feel so anxious because it has been hammered in my head that I can't fix it, that my decisions are wrong, and only my dad knows how to fix them (after he said it was impossible to fix). I've grown anxious with rain, when I used to love rain and rain storms, because of that, because a single little drop makes me feel like I can't do things, that I need help. And it's stupid, and rationally I know that, because I already have the solution for it, and I also know that leaks take time and many tries to fix.

Now, I finally getting to the point where I know that, I understand that, but now I have to work on fixing that, in accepting in my head and in my spirit, that I am capable, knowing my true limitations and how can I overcome them or accept them. Recently I also understood why I had such a hard time letting a person go, why I couldn't stop thinking about them even though I had nothing positive to say. I realized this was so because I was repeating the same toxic pattern I have with my dad, because this person has the same toxic nature, in the same manner as him. I saw the danger I was in.

Shadow work is important, so you can live a fuller, happier life. And sometimes, like with my roof, you must do your shadow work with the aid of a professional.

Many Ideas left in the inkwell

Property of Stormberry

Planning and preparation are great tools to make sure you get to do all you want. I love planning & preparing, and usually have calendars and lists and all sorts of stuff with this in mind. And it usually works... except when it comes to planning and preparing a blogpost. I think I have tried in the past, specially in 2012, when I was writing a post every single day. Wow, that was something!

I took part on a Philofaxy meeting at the begining of this month -  which I enjoyed like CRAZY! and everybody who has and loves filofax planners should seriously consider attending - and it was such an experience to show my system. So I was thinking about making a post about how I use my planner, and how have I've combined the bullet journal and the filofax system in one that pretty much works well, as well as showing a color-splashed, pretty hassle-free, free form, non-artistic spread. Ok, I work on them ONCE a year, and you could pretty much get the same thing just buying or printing out those inserts and that's all.

So I planned the theme, the idea, and even made the pictures for the post. LOTS of pictures. Really, like a huge bunch of them, so I had many, many angles and stuff to show, depending on how the text was going to turn out. And then... that's not what happened.

Life happened, that's what happened, and I was buried under a landslide of work and university homework, and preparing for lectures - because I'm one of those students that likes to read ahead of the class - and so the pictures are stored, along with the ideas, and I come here with new pictures - much less - and an etirely unstructured, different post idea. Like in the old days. Remember those?

Journaling is one of my favorite topics, in case you haven't noticed. That would be because I love journaling, and I love it because it's free. Of course the book costs money, and so the pen and the ink (for many years now, I only journal with fountain pens), but what I mean is that there is not set structure, like even the most free planning systems have. No keys, no rules, no blocks within the page to keep you organized, no indentation or color coding. Ok, I tend to write the initial "block" the same way (you know, the part with the date and so), but this has also changed through time a lot. There was a time when I always wrote it in Japanese (I don't speak Japanese, but I was learning and the date formula stayed in my brain for long), or always in French, and so. I have thought here and there to go Anaïs Nin and leave out the date and just write, BUT I actually need the dates because my memory is famously bad, and sadly I have encountered people in my life who have tried to gaslight me thinking I wouldn't know, because I don't remember. HA! Never underestimate a person with a journal.

Property of Stormberry

Journaling is kind of the other end of the planning and preparing. It is the summarizing and processing. There are many ways to do this too, and there is people that keep also many journals for different purposes. I usually have one journal, though for a while I've been also using a Simple Diary a friend of mine gave me, in which I either pick here and there a page at random, or look for one that has the kind of prompt I want to fill out - it's kinda funny to have a non-chronological diary like this. I also have a journal that's too... designed and thematic to be a real journal of any sort for me (I write sooo much and have soooo many thoughts and opinions, I just don't have time for top tens, favorite music of a whole page covered with a black butterfly), in which I only write in pencil, short and "cryptic", dark thoughts. Yeah, I have those too. It's like my punk-journal. No dates.

But these are like my "shot" journals, stuff that stays there through the years and, get attention, the-gods-know-when. Good, shot journals for the instant boost or unloading, or taking the edge of something. But my journal, MY JOURNAL - oh ho hoooo! - that's something else. Even if I don't write every day - which I don't - when I write, it's deep, detailed, and nearly forensic. I love that.

This year I also decided to start using my Witches's Datebook - a datebook I have gotten every year since 2012, if I remember correctly - also to record small notes on my mood or things that made me tick or made me smile. The idea was to start making a sort of lunar journal, which, yeah, not only I don't journal daily, I had no idea who could I make a spread for that in my planner. The idea was to record quite simply how I feel, so I could see actually how the moon and its phases affect me. In the end, well, you can see, I used it also to record stuff like a particular call from someone, a witchy virtual meeting, or just feeling like I really, really love someone in particular that day.

For two years now, I have decided to use these datebooks only to plan stuff that related to my personal or academic life. I wanted a work-free space, and so stuff like classes, exams, meeting friends and so on, got there. It was also on my bullet journal, mind you, but I also copied it there, specially because this datebook is my reference for stuff like astrological aspects to consider (Mercury Retrograde being major there, which starts tomorrow, by the way), and also the daily color. If you check many of my previous ones, most of them are quite blank, but recently they seem more full, and now... well, it feels like I need a wee bit more of space. :-) But then, for that, when the thoughts overflow, if I feel like I want to dissect them, I pull out my journal, uncap a pen - or two - and let the ink and the thoughts flow together.

So, in the end, I have a journal, and along with it, I have littl journal helpers that either aid in the process of refining the idea and shed the initial punch out of them, or they accumulate small bits here and there, so that later on I can wax poetry on this or that is so totally wrong/right about this, and what I think about it, and where the flaws in the logic are, and thus why I come to the well-thought conclusion... of whatever I conclude.

The point is, it's ok to plan & prepare, and heck! do it as much as you can! But when life throws a wrench into your gears, or you need to chillax a little or you just need to unload and let go and have a non-planned, non-prepared, just free flowing moment, don't beat yourself over it, and take any way, shape or form you feel like it. Scribble in pencil on a corner of your planner, type down a short note in your notes app, or use a journaling app, or take a picture and write a caption, or write nothing, draw a spiral on a post-it... express yourself, for yourself, in nay way you can connect.

That's the point.

Quaratine Diaries and Journals

Property of Stormberry.
From my own journal.

Maybe you have heard of these diaries and journals, but the first time I did was throught an article in the New York Times published on March 30th, 2020. The article spoke about how people around the world has been turning to pen and paper in these days of staying at home and isolation to record the flow of their days, their thoughts, their fears and their experiences.

Some people has taken pen and paper for the first time to write about what goes on, making do with the art of journaling or keeping a diary as their days stretch into weeks and months in confinement, with fear of the outher world while at the same time yearning for it. Others have already been journaling ad have now turned to their trusty pages to record their experiences or find solace to the angst and burdens that now bend their backs and hearts.

I do not know of anyone around me keeping such journals, though I do know of people who journal. I am, for one, the kind of diary-keeper that would be considered the most unreliable one for recording events that happen around me or in the real world, to call it some how. I journal about my feelings, about intimate recounts of happenings with a handfull of people from my environment, with usually no information that might help place these events in any sort of social or historical context. For the love of the Gods, I just spent four months recording the events of a single day spent with Fritzl!

Property of Stormberry
From my personal journal

And yet still...

And yet still, I have found that I want to record some things that have been happening, that have affected the general tide of the society in which I live, and thus affecting my relationships with others as well as my state of mind. I'm certain my journal won't be listed in any book of history, nor it is my intention to record anything in it for anyone but myself, if I ever decide to go back and consult it, but I do find it important to try and illuminate in my notes the fact that there is a pandemic swirling around the world and upending life as we know it.

Things change, human contact change. I find myself wondering whether I'll be able to experience a long, sustained hug again, if I'll be able to hug, to feel against my arms the sure warmth of and solidity of someone I love. If I'll be able to kiss again, burry my nose in the crook of the neck of someone and breath in their scent, feel their hair against my face and between my fingers.

I'm still moved to write about my feelings and their evolution, collect and systematize my memories in the minute dissection of someone, holding their actions between the steel tines of my nib, beating softly as ink pours over them and cut them into tiny pieces with my words as I find new and new meanings of every action, every word and every gesture, combined with the yuxtaposition of other collected memories and experiences that help me draw parallels.

I change. We all change, and our old coping mechanisms might have been compromised. Mine have, as I can no longer drive to a coffeeshop, order a specialty coffee and claim a table for myself to write and sometimes also do some people-watching. We must adapt, and quarantine journals or diaries, or just our regular journals and diaries can help us navigate these new waters.

Can't Settle Yet

This blog has changed faces quite often and quite dramatically in the past days. From black to white to brown again and a small window of time trying out some of the themes and proposed formats. No, I'm not one to easily fit myself in a pre-formed, pre-thought, pre-emptied scheme. That ain't me! I'm jumping on one leg, tilting to the side and rubbing my chin while saying "nope, that's not it either". A mix of pictures of colors of... je ne sais quoi that's missing, that's stating my current state of... me. Thing is that so far neither combination hits the mark, but one thing is for sure: I want the shot of the bathtub.

That godly bathtub! Has ever a picture ever described you so totally, so fully, so perfectly... what you feel you are, what you yearn to be, the absolute balance of in and out, of past, present and future... the very essence of you... that's the picture of the bathtub. And it's not even my bathtub! It's not even the best and most wonderful bathtub I've ever experienced (that's a tie between Sofia and Paris - for real! - though I believe that the one in Venezuela was also pretty amazing!), but that's the picture that contains me, describes me, summons me and resumes me. It's an icon not so much of luxury, as it is an icon of comfort, of time for oneself, me-time, and just chilling out. No worries in the world, no schedules to keep, no appointments to rush to, no deadlines to honor, no bills, no work, no pressure. Some may say they work better under pressure, but I'm not one of them, and though I'm perfectly capable of pulling my weight, stick my nose to the paper and do the job, this state of no pressure, or relax and enjoyment is what reflects me better the most. But how to splash it across the blog?

Hn, well maybe I need a hot shower, a Smirnoff Ice, snuggle in bed in comfy clothes and a good book (or manga) to figure that out. :-)

Post Note: Yeah, yeah, yeah... I changed it again. It seems all I needed was the thought of "comfy" for it to come to me. ^_^ I sunk in my mental bathtub, read my mental Kindle and mental magazines, paged across the mental glossy paper and... it happened. ^_^ I'm liking it, so it's staying... most likely. ^_^

Preparing for My Favorite Holiday

There's still over two week for Halloween - my favorite holiday of the year, even if we don't get it off at the office - and I'm slowly preparing to it. I've already made a few small purchases - two small plastic jack-o-lanterns and two lovely plastic cauldrons filled with candy and plastic spider rings that look so delightfully creepy, you can rest assured I would make people scream at the office by wearing them and letting them know that a huge, fat spider is walking on my hand. ^_^ I also plan to find a way to decorate Sookie, bring the Halloween to her too, though I bet plenty of people think that the dreamcatcher I've pending from the rear view mirror is creepy enough.

I've also spotted a place where I can get my lovely pawns on a medium size pumpkin for carking purposes. This actually happened yesterday, when - for the first time ever - I took the insane idea of taking Sookie out to run a few errands in the city. Yes, a Saturday, right around 11 o'clock, when the city is the bussiest - because there's nothing like Heredia on a Saturday morning-noon - and the traffic is so dense, the whole city transforms into a big, smoggy parking lot. Yet I did it becace it happens to be one of the rainiest, most freakiest days of the year. Rainy season's poster-day, plus some tornado and what-not has brought my beloved rainy mornings and rainy days and all cool and chilly... with the downside of lots of rain, getting wet every step of the way, and your laundry not getting dry all week. It's a bitch. I mean, I ACTUALLY had to iron all of my clothes - including jeans and t-shirts, which I never-EVER iron - to get them to dry.

However I've got an e-mail from my shipping company, that my Colts stuff was finally on the counter (and I had to pay for their services around 50% of what I paid for the stuff itself, which wasn't pleasing me at all), so I drove there. The place is in a particular location at a commercial center that looks onto a really bussy street. Coming out of there was going to be a real test. It seems however, that God was really on my side as I actually got out of there quite fast and easily. I didn't need to wait much for my stuff, and then though the road was packed to capacity and the cars weren't moving at all, and I actually needed to cross the line in front of me to get into the other line (not just melt into the flow), all I had to do was to roll down my window, smile pretty and quite soon a guy stopped and signaled me to go. The priviledge of being a woman. ^_^

From there I had to go to the supermarket to pick up a few things I've written up on a list. Some beverages, bread, paper handkerchiefs (it's flu season) and some cold medicine. Yeah, like that was going to be the only thing I would buy. Not so lucky. I was quickly pulled towards the veggies, because "hey, I shall cook something for next week to take to the office" (and lets not talk about the fact that Monday is a holiday), so I went to the veggies and got myself some mushrooms, zuccini (because it really seems that the only thing I think about when it comes to veggies is zuccini. Really, could someone please, PLEASE give me a veggie cookbook for Christmas so MAYBE I get a hint about how to actually use and incorporate other veggies in my diet?), some potatoes, some apples, chives... and there they were: The Pumpkins. Halloween pumpkins are not all that common here, and actually the first Halloween pumpkin I saw was the one Alix, her husband, her daughter and I carved last year, so finding them there, just waiting was a wonderful revelation. Now I can actually get my own pumpkin and carve it at home! And of course gut it and scrap it and make pumpkin pie from the scrapping!

There were smaller pumpkins too, but I'm not sure I'll be skilled enough to carve those too, though it would be fun to carve a small one and take it to the office. If it could safely house a tiny votive candle inside it would be a success! Not like anyone at the office cares for Halloween, but I'm a total sucker for the holiday! (Like you can't tell that already).

Also, as you can imagine, I also plan to somewhat do a Samhain celebration in the evening. In good theory we'll celebrate it again at Alix' place and this time it will be her time to preside the ceremony. However not much has been said, and it seems to me that there are big chances that she won't even be available for that day. (The first time we gathered for a celebration was for Lughasadh, where I was asked to preside and it came out really whacky.) However I'd like to plan and have my own - shall we call it Solitary - ceremony too, to meditate a little about the meaning of the Third Harvest and what it brings to my life, what it has summoned, what it has given and what's to come. It's important as these days feel indeed final, and I can't stop thinking with a certain, ethereal feel of peace, that this is my last October here.

For this purpose I have yet to read and yet to prepare, though I've already prepared a script for the calling of the corners that sits well with me, as I have paired it with my Christianity, seeing in each element an element related to God. This I wish to try out for the new start.

I must say that I'm feeling quite happy and accomplished. I'm proud at the resilence I proved with the thesis, at the strenght both Mile and I had, the determination, the supporting to get this through and conquer our goal. I feel it as a lesson that teaches us that though things ahead might seem hard and impossible, by persevering and keeping our eyes on our goal, by pushing, by not letting go and finding the right way, we can and will always succeed. It tought us also that God is there, that miracles do happen and the impossible becomes possible when the time is right and the star align for the purpose. I feel at peace and much calmer, more focused, centered in myself. Obstacles do not frighten me as I know there's always a way to reach to them.

This Harvest has brought me lessons, has brought me yoga, peace, determination, the closing of many cycles and forethoughts for the cycles to come.

Pride as a Virtue

It seemed up until a few days ago, that I would manage to write one post per day. It would have been nice to do so, to add up 31 posts for October, and round up, pair up a month with a number signaling my favorite celebration: Halloween. Before you ask, no I haven't started my planning and rounding up for Halloween/Samhain yet. According to plans, Alix shall "lead circle" for Samhain, if we actually decide to keep up this strange decision to celebrate in a Pagan-ish way the cycle of the year, so it's not like I must be working on it, planning and coordination - no matter how poorly the end result comes up - though most likely I would end up doing something small and private - Solitary Witch like - just like I did in Mabon (though I didn't took pictures of that).

In the past days, the days I didn't post a thing, I took part of two activities that made me think about pride in a very positive way, a way that should be kept and nurtured inside everybody's heart.

On Friday seven of my coworkers and I went to a work tour to know an Eolic Power Plant and a Hidroelectric Power Plant. Our company - which is a State Owned Company - started originally working on the energy sector, aiming for many years to bring power to every corner of the country at affordable prices. The ideal back then was to work hard and do the best to ensure the country could grow and develop. The company gave jobs and made sure to have the best professionals in every area, sending them to study, giving them chances to be better and serve better the country. Years after the company also took care of the telecommunications sector, also seeking actively to interconnect the whole country, ensuring low prices and access to phones to everybody. The level of penetration in both sectors was quite high, earning the country the first place in electrification, and I believe telecommunication reach in Latin America. (Or so we have been told.)

With the years, many upper tiers got corrupted and soon we found our labor force filled with people more interested in pulling personal benefit, sucking the blood of the company for the sake of their own pocket, than that of the country. Service degraded, poor choices were made, elitism sneaked into our ranks, with many middle and high management elements too quick to outcast the poorer segments of the country in favor of big companies, ready to give away important chunks of service and price, not thinking twice before fucking up the little people. The phrase "they don't make us so much money, they can go to anyone else" has been said more time than I'd like to recall.

On Friday, however, we were packed into a small mini bus and drove to the far West province of the country, Guanacaste, where in Tilarán and Sandillal we've got the chance to see an Eolic Power Plant (Tejona) and a Hidroelectric Power Plant (Sandillal). Aside from the tremendously poor planning and evident adjust-as-we-go system, it struck me how so far from the putrid higher management spheres, there were people still living the ideal, plausible proud of wearing the uniform, eyes filled with stars of love and pride when looking at the logo of the company. It got to me how these simple engineers, working in far away locations, among machines, staring intently at control panels, still had that unadulterated pride of being part of a force that's there to serve the country. They may not make as much as any of those working where I do, and yet they relate to their jobs, they would give their lives and souls to serve the country. In they lived the kind of pride many have forgotten, with their minds clouded by greed, juicy paychecks, big titles, work paid trips to anywhere in the planet, and the handshake from corrupted politicians who wish to break the company to pieces and give it away to their larger campaing contributors.

It made me think that Pride isn't a capital sin, but the sin is to forget pride, to outcast it and thus be open to sell out one's soul for money, for greed, forgetting the noble ideas that can make you grow by serving your country.

A second type of pride I learned of was the pride of being able to help. It happened on Saturday, when a former coworker of mine, Andy, and her sister, Cucha, took part of a walk for Breast Cancer Awareness. It was particularly meaningfull, because Andy and I have very different political backgrounds and positions: me more "State oriented", she definitivelly more "liberal", and yet it came the day she and I walked for a common cause, and donated for a common cause. Without any discussing, fight picking or anything (we never got into arguments anyway), we took part of a huge Pink Force, among men and women proudly sporting pink ribbons and pink t-shirts, surrounded by people who was there for a family member, a friend, and acquintance or simply for the world, in an effort to do something to help, to bring awareness about this illness and others like it.

Here differences went up in the thin air, made smoke and it didn't matter if you were against or in favor of this or that, didn't matter if you were of this or that religion, of this or that sexual orientation, poor or rich, healthy or sick, strong or weak, fit or a potato couch, what it mattered was that you were there, helping to bring a message to the world, to your fellow citizens, donating time, effort or money - as little or as much - to help those in need, to contribute with the recovery of those stricken with the illness and wishing them for the depths of your heart, without knowing them, to be better. You walked there in support, showing respect and sharing the pride of those who survived and made it, infusing your life strenght from close and from far, to those who are still in the battle. They are not alone and we, a big pink sea, came together to send them our thoughts and positive energy to encourage them to defeat the illness and soon walk with us.

This is Pride, and this isn't a sin. It's the pride of being helpful, of sharing, of doing something for others, it's the pride that doesn't seek to raise above others, but to pull others along, infect them with the feel and the happiness and move them to be part of a greater good.

Be Proud. It's a Virtue.

Out with the Old, In with the New

It's that time of the year again, after I come back from my yearly trip to Hungary, when I sit down and start cleaning up my room. Not much real cleaning needs to be done because my folks had the room painted, and my control freak, neat freak Mom took it to herself to clean up everything. Things also got massively rearranged, and though everything looks perfect, I find it difficult to find my things, so this year the need to go over every single scrap of paper was a must in the really short term.

Yearly clean-ups are one of the favorite activities of every single, true control freaks or organization junkies. Personally, I love the feeling of letting go of things. Let go of old papers, let of of old clothes, let go of old shoes, let go of old things. Sometimes it's really difficult, as you hold in your hand that thing a dear friend or beloved relative gave you once, but then you ask yourself: where did I have it stashed? Did I used it everyday? And when you realize it wasn't part of your décor, nor you used it everyday, and maybe there's someone who could make a better use of it, letting it go feels like a rain of feathers. It tickles good. The trick is also to remember that you throw away or give away a thing, not the feeling, the person or the memory. Personally, I'm big of keeping really useless things, such as old plane tickets. But it's the ticket or the memory of the trip? So tickets must go, and what means has already been saved in my memory and my journals.

I don't let go of certain things, like letters - I may have lost some, but for instance I still keep all the letters I've got from my friends when I was in Hungary between 1994 and 1996 - or university papers, but others can be thrown away. Loads and loads of paper, which I intend to send to a selective recollection center for them to be recycled, have already been stocked out of my filer, yet a lot is still to be checked and eliminated, or found a new home.

You can also find from time to time some documentation that though important, or still valid, could be saved in some other, more space efficient way. Scan some old investigations and save them in a digital format, thus liberating more paper, which can be send for recycling and reusing. As you check over all the things you keep around you, at the office, at home, and why not? in your purse, or even your computer, you come across many things that have an inflated sense of importance, that do nothing but clutter your life. Remember, if you haven't used it in a year, you probably won't use it again, but someone else would be happy to.

As a Begining of the Year personal ritual, I cast away the things I won't take with me in the new journey, things I lock in the past, give away for someone else to find them use, and step into the new year with lighter baggage, full of hope and space for all the new each year has to offer. Don't lay down the experiences and the lessons learned, but be wise enough to lay down the tools that have served you, and let others find the lessons that are still inside each of them.

This year, more than in the last ones, I'm preparing for yet another journey, a journey many are waiting for with motivations as different as the people in the planet. Some with joy, some with sorrow, some with envy, some with pety selfishness. Yes, one action provokes many reactions, and these reactions could provoke many feelings inside many people. I'm concentrating on my trip, my journey, my process. My first step is to become light, to shed all excess and find the bare necessities I need to carry over with me, leaving as much room as possible for all the important things that must come with me. Thus I'm shedding, and through this journey I'll continue shedding as much as I can, keeping a critic view to know what must stay, what must go, leave fondless aside. Hopefully it will work out, but if it doesn't work out as well as it should, maybe seasonal cleaning-up will have to be set up, right?

Getting organized isn't something that can happen over night. Perhaps you watch those shows in the TV, where a super messy family or person get's the help of an organizing professional and thus they turn a cluttered "vortex of enthropy" into a neat room you'd love to be in and work in. Do you wonder, just like me, how much time passes before that perfect room, where everything stays in place, remains like that? Well, not for long, I assure you. And it's okay, as long as you are willing to eventually come around and set order before the mess takes over your life.

My advise is simple in this case, though perhaps not very scientifical. First of all accept yourself the way you are. So you are lazy every now and then and don't really feel like putting away your clothes, or washing the dishes. Sure, take a break, but don't take it every day. Second of all, remember that a clean, organized space doesn't put stress on you. Organized places don't hide the things you need from you. An organized place will allow you to find that bill you need to pay, and even remind you you gara pay it. It helps you find the keys, the leash of your dog, the phone, the magazine you were reading, the purse taht goes with those shoes, your other shoe, your watch, the essay you must present, the pendrive with your month's work, a pen that works, your iPod, etc.

Organizing isn't a chore, a duty, a punishment, it's fun. Organizing is the perfect time to check over everything, find long lost item, discover treasures and the perfect excuse to get rid of everything you don't need, or don't really need. Cleaning up, getting organized is the process throug which you get to be free, is the process that prepares you to travel light.

Go on, try it out, travel light.

This Last Week When I Was Out

It's been a week since I last wrote, and not few things happened in this week. First of all, there was the "building matter" and this time it wasn't another evacuation - though I would have really enjoyed that - but an article that appeared in the newspapers about the building and how Supercalifragilistic it is.  This, well, rose a lot of reactions, like some utterly stupid - there's no other word for it -  reader who wrote a comment at the electronic site of the paper saying that we "shouldn't be so lazy" and instead of waiting 45 minutes for the elevator, perhaps we "should climb the stairs". Yeah, why don't that s.o.b. come here and climb 16 flights in those stairs and see how he or she likes it? I mean, I would personally climb the stairs, and I was prepared to it, but I really, really need air, not to mention how unpleasant it is to work steated up. Dude, really, think before opening your trap.

To my surprise, I also found people IN the building upset about the article for an array of reasons. So said that such a note shouldn't have been published, that the problems we experience in the building are "absolutely normal" and proper of "a new building to which one has to get used to". Dude, the building was inspected before we moved in, tests were ran - so it was said - it took an extra month to receive it because it had to be corrected (the Fire Department requested for an external emergency exit, which hasn't been built yet, nor it looks like it would), and we get here and there's not a single day, since June 16th that something doesn't work? The freaking building is supposed to be smart! Or perhaps it is smart, but also spoiled and it's throwing a temper tantrum? (That, or the building is Smart. Yeah, Maxwell Smart.)

Also heard comments berating the publishing, saying that by venting this in the eye of the public, the image of the company would deteriorate. Hn. Let me see: the Government don't allow the company to do any investment, as th money is needed to pay the Governments trips and stunts. Add to it, a former employee of quite a high position is in a trial, where also a former President is charged with accounts of corruption in the Alcatel case. Some years ago the Director of Mobile Telecommunications of that time summoned a press conference to announce the opening of prepaid mobile services, when the service wasn't ready and the technical tests weren't positive, and said Director happily anounced the sale in three days. Three days later he was burried in his office or out of the country on the money of the company and let the technicians to explain why the service couldn't be offered. Then the most recent former CEO of the company, discharged this May, is being held on trial for fraud, as he used public funds for his personal use, as well as allowing his wife, who was not an employee of the company, to run it to her like and destroy the work of experienced employees, not to mention to use public funds for her own means. So no, I don't really think that this note on the building is the stain that would mar the company.

I do understand that things must be kept in the company and seek to solve them without pulling a Lohan or a Spears on the deal, but when the management is oblivious about the matters and the problems are issued with e-mails belittling the sitaution, things must be escalated.

This week also, I've got a new phone. ^_^ But please, don't think it's (yet another) compulsive purchase of mine. It was a real need. Really. My old phone, an adorable purple Sony Ericsson w380 broke. I bought it around two years ago (perhaps a week or two before I met Kari) and I loved it! Phone in Hungarian, preloaded with PannonGSM (now Telnor) stuff and all that, and lets be honest: I'm a sucker for technology in Hungarian. However my phone was reaching the 2 years, which makes it old - for me - so I was thinking in replacing it anyway. I definitively needed something with Internet, since I'm a Twitter and I'd love to tweet my way around like all my other Twitter friends, not to mention going bonkers tweeting during out #twittertours. Then, of course, there's also the matter of my PDA. After years of using my PDA it broke. Yes, I had a Palm Pilot m130 that worked adorably, but before I could replace it Palm Pilot closed the business and sould out to HP, and you know when will I buy HP: on neverday. (Have enough HP experience at the office with the HP laptops and printers and stuff, I really know what they are like and I'm not paying for them). Ever since the begining of this year I went back to basics, with a small agenda. Yep, paper agenda. You know, those that don't beep, that have only one way to be looked at, that require you to write up every single event of a given repetitive task, that don't expand when you need to accomodate more activities. Yeah, those. Well, a few ups, however: don't need batteries, don't disappear on you if you haven't charged them, let you stick stickers, draw, write in code, use colors... One thing for the other, right? 

So, the point is that I needed a new phone, and I was planning on getting it by the end of this year in Hungary. Well, after an improptu decision, I was going, so I might as well use the time to update my phone, right? Not to mention that it doesn't look swell to work on the telecommunications business and have some old phone on you.

Since I'm basically a Sony Ericsson-gal, I was checking their offer and was really thinking about an Xperia. When, how much and all those questions were faraway from me. Someday, some, somehow. The idea of an iPhone also fluttered around my brain. Then it happened. The Happening.

It was early Friday morning and, as usual, my phone rang to wake me up. Yes, only I left it charging and as I reached for it it fell on the floor and the joint between both sides of the clamshell broke. Oh hell. Clamshell phones are quite delicate, particularly this joint as it controls stuff like the answering of an incoming call and so on. The phone itself was still working, but when you opened it or closed it, it didn't have that claa that push it open or close, as it should. It was getting stuck. Well, I wasn't going to walk around with a broken phone, nor I was going to wait for it to finally die on me. Once at the office, I went down to the Lobby, to the Kölbi store and checked out the phones. I didn't really had any phone in mind, so I just saw a big banner of the Sony Ericsson Vivaz, which was a Sony Ericsson and had all I needed, and pointed at it.

"I want that, but I want it in a plan, with Internet."

The salesguy got me the phone, programmed it, printed out the contract, talked over the monthly fee ($80), told me I'd be paying it from next month on, and just like that, I had a new phone. It gave me a lot of trouble, truth to be told, as the new thing wasn't behaving like any other Sony Ericsson I have had so far, and I had have so far three of them!, but little by little we have been getting acquainted, and even though it hasn't behaved like any of my other SE, this one and I are getting along swell. Haven't named it yet, and I haven't named any phone lately, but I think this one deserves a Scandinav/Scandinavish name. Vesa? Eric?Sven? Sven-Eric, like the cop in Sunstorm? Solstorm? Still to be decided.

Then this same week I had this rich, wrapping messaging with a new penpal of mine, with whom I've took off and flew across the pink and purple skies of the soul. The long, almost daily messages written in such a fashion I felt as Henry Miller penpaling with Anais Nin (me reading Tropic of Cancer may have something to do with the feeling, but may not also), were topped with a delicious letter from her in my P.O.Box on Saturday. Oh the delight! Her letters telling ne as much as her words, the scent of the paper wrapping warm arms around be, from a new friend greeting me as an old one.

This past week felt as heaven!

Well, not to mention that I've worked on fixing the last chapter of the thesis and I've got an SMS from the tutor sayin that "we should unify the document for lecture and defense". We are one step ahead of you, Sir!

To finish it up, I've come up with an idea for a book. After reading a half-assed article in Harper's Bazaar, I've decided I'll compose a book on how to pack for a travel, based on my experience in the matter. Kinda like a "how to do" book with some frappy title like "How to pack and don't kill yourself or the suitcase in the process". How about that?

Happy new Week!

Two Down, Two to Go

*cowboy music* ♪♪ Pananananannnnn! Pwaaa Pwaaa Pwaaaaaaaa! Pananananaaaaannn! Pwaaa Pwaaaa Pwaaaaaa! Pananananaaann! Pwaa Pwa-Pwa-Pwa-Pwaaaaaa! Pananananaaaan! Pwaaa Pwaaaaaaaaaaa! ♪♪ *cowboy music* The day was sunny. It was a perfect day to meet The Rival face-to-face and fight. It was a Western Showdown, where the Quicker Draw would prevail, the Slower would have to leave town. Saturday Morning. That was the date. The expectations of the Town were high, and as the moment came close, women rushed the children inside, men closed the window panes of stores and pubs. The hour came. A quick draw, some gunshots were heard echoing in the space, sound ricocheting from the walls, and a pained moan. The Quicker Draw, know as The Fastest Card of This Side of The Mississipi belted her gun again, safe in the holster, cocked back, safety in, and watched from under the rim of her Stetson how the golden rival, once so powerful was reduced to a piece of plastic. Another credit card debt cancelled. She smirked but still didn't claim victory. Like the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, these rode in four. Pestilence and Death were dealt with. War and Famine were yet to be taken care of.

Well, Wild, Wild West Story aside, yes, this Saturday I paid off and cancelled the debt swelling in the second of my credit cards. Hell, no sweeter emotion has been known to men. *thinking about it and making a mental list of all sweet emotions known to men* Nope, not one as GREAT and FULFILLING as getting rid of debt. These two, now brought to 0 were the ones I labelled as "The Dangerous Cards". Higher limits, higher interest rates: death traps sugarcoated in gold and platinum. The feeling was much like finally getting the divorce papers from a troublesome marriage. Now we are free from each other, the card don't hold me down, and whenever we meet again, it will be on my terms, on my watch, no strings attached. No more rabid spending, no more spending and not checking the amount spent. No more payments under the Cancelling Amount and as over the Minimal Payment as possible. No. Now it is a matter of rational shopping, and paying the whole debt. The card is back to be my bitch. (Excuse my vocabulary.)

This Saturday was an awesome day for me. Not only I slaughtered the second Dangerous Card, but I also found out that I can finally pay my Oriflame bills at a far more convenient bank! Yes! No more 3 hour lines to pay a bill! It was also my Dad's birthday and I was totally out of ideas about what to give him, because the one thing I had thought so was unavailable. Damned. However, I made a great choice by buying for him a light green guayavera. In truth, nothing pleases more a pro-Latin American man than a traditional guayavera shirt. So, I pulled that off nicely too! Dad was beyond himself.

I made some ground meat rissoles or patties and some rice, since Mom wasn't feeling well (she may have eaten something bad, because she was complaining about her tummy, but then she was well), which turned out to be great. Well, I was having a great day, so no wonder! So, inspite of Mom feeling a bit under the weather for a few hours, Saturday was one of those "Nothing Can Go Wrong" days. Have you had any of those? You know, those days when you are on the top of the world, the Universe seems aligned to please you and everything is just good. Yeah, that was this Saturday for me.

I spent my day resting, watching TV, wolfing on coke, chocolate icecream with chocolate whipped cream, chocolate waffle sticks and sugared figs, reading mangas and basking in the feeling of freedom being recovered away from the debt chains the bank had me tied down with for so many years. This movie "Confessions of a Shopaholic" came to my mind, and yes, the feeling of being able to pay your dues and elicit pleasure from it, of waving away the Siren Call of windowshops and tell all the sparkly, fancy, pretty things in there "Yes, you are gorgeous indeed, but I don't really need you". The movie wasn't one that really deserved much of my attention, I even considered it somewhat overdone and stupid, irrational at merely suggesting that you can solve all your credit card problems by holding a garage sale of all your things. Lets just be honest: how many of us can do that? Outside the U.S., where it seems garage sales are everyday happenings.

Now, thought I still think the movie is a bit overdone and too fairly-tale-like, the remastered message goes: you can bit your debt, you just have to work it! (And above all, you must be able to STOP before the cards go Godzilla on You!) There is a way out, you just have to stick to it! It is hard, I won't lie, and it's gonna take time, and some times lots and lots of time, but if you are driven, if you are determinated and assume the sacrifices you can make it work. Be happy with all the little victories you conquer, but do not celebrate falling back to the same rathole you just climbed from. Keep kicking and pushing and working and fighting until you are free. And once you are Free, cherish the feeling, embrace your status and defend it!

You can do it, you just have to really believe that you can fly.

I Drawing I Made

Today I wrote another letter to Dragonfly, intending to mail in the afternoon, but didn't get it the Post Office in time. Like in many letters, I often sign making a little drawing that represents me. Sometimes I draw cat ears or bunny ears (since one of my nicknames is Bunny). This time, though, it kinda got me thinking, since I wanted to change my Twitter image for something other than my picture (I don't like people on Twitter, where evidently people doesn't care enough to read more than 140 letters, to know my face), I though, why not to do the drawing for my Avatar?

So, I made it, filtered it, Photoshopped it up a little, and, well, there you go. ^_^ Amateurish, but 100% me.

Halloween!

Happy Halloween to all! ^_^What can I say? This is ma favorite "holiday" even if it isn't celebrated here, nor I've ever been in a place where it were celebrated. I wanted to organized a common lunch with my coworkers yesterday to sort of celebrate it, or take it as an excuse for all of us to be mates, not only coworkers and feel good. The group wasn't game for it. Oh well, the spirits aren't the same for a while now.

My spirit didn't broke though, and since my coworkers wouldn't play nice and wouldn't participate in any friendly, bonding activity, I was left to my own devices. My own devices took me today to take a fun and resting day all for myself today... after the bank-tour.

My day started at 6:47 am when my boyfriend woke me up. Quick shower and my favorite cotton clothes: black gym pants, wide legs, black 3/4 sleeve shirt and grey dress wur no sleeves and a hoodie. What can I say? I love that outfit. Then I spoke to Kari over the Skype for less than an hour, and finally left on my bank tour. I was thinking about visiting Cynthia to give her a chance to talk about her boyfriend so she could get over him, but that plan went down the sewer as both Cyn and Rosario had plans. Hell, having kids, or kids&hubbie is a ticket for a boring, depressive, unsatisfying, grey, dull life. Hn, I should talk to Kari and tell him that marriage ain't a good idea. Waaaah~ they simply seem so... down.

Anyway, I ran my errands and then went to Paseo Las Flores. Damned if that commercial center looks bad. The movie section is going through remodelation, so it seemed the first part of my plans were doomed. I did want to go to the movies and watch "Gestación", a Costa Rican movie. So I went here and there, bought some colored tissue paper at the Home Depot to stack up my gift wrapping pool. I was going to buy an acrilic picture frame, but none of the ones I found there was right. I did pick up one, but when I was about to pay for it, I saw that it was chipped, so I gave it back.

I actually was looking for a pencase, a really small one that could hold a pen or two, for those times when I have to pack light my purse, but I don't want my pen rolling around the Universe inside there. Found none. At the end, since I had gone to a groceries store and bought there a tube of gumballs (because it had a Halloween Pumpkin on it, and I was desperately looking for a Halloween Pumpkin), I decided I'll reuse that one for light pencase. Then again... maybe not. Well, maybe I'll just crochet one for myself. Maybe use the uncapped plastic tube.

After the shopping and walking around, I've got hungry, so I went to score some food. I was thinking on something like a Subway soup or something, but the Food Court was packed to capacity, so no. Specially since I wanted to sit quietly and write in my journal. I ended up in Ichiban, where I tried a Soto Roll, which isn't so good, and an Orange Kiss, the first sweet sushi I've ever tasted.

The dessert looks lovely, but the rice paper that wraps the peach sushi sticks to the place to the point where you have to wrestle it off the place. Once you place it in your mouth, it seems to expland and holds up so well it makes it hard to chew and not choke on the piece. I took my sweet time, lagged with my Soto Roll and my Orange Kiss, a coke and then Club Soda. It felt good to have time to write in my journal, I had almost forgot the feeling of getting lost in pen and paper, scribbling words that won't be revealed to anyone else. It's amazing. It's the communion with oneself. A deep experience.

After that I went back to the movies just to make sure it was really closed, which would make it weird why were all the people at the mall. Well, it was working. Dirty, ugly, crammed but working, and they were showing the movie I wanted to see. So I got my ticket and then went to spend 1 hour 20 minutes while it started. I ended up in Librería Internacional, always a great place to be, and browsed around, mainly looking for a CD of Peregrino Gris. I've got the CD, and then bought also a book, "The Eye on Jade" by Diane Wei Liang, translated in Spanish. I know, I usually read only in English, French or Hungarian, but this time I wanted something to pass time, maybe some Vonnegut (which wasn't on supply), but I was looking mainly for a quick read, something to occupy myself while the movie started. The book seems good.

The movie was lovely. Simple, using commonplaces, and yet very enjoyable. Many people has critizice it for touching an overly worked topic: the teenager pregnancy, but I found the topic quite up to date. There were a few fairy-tale elements, but all in all the movie worked out magnificently. It was upsetting that some people were loud and constantly talked at the movie, but all in all it was a good experience.

This is what I needed. My head hurts a bit, my eyes, but I feel good. I look forward for the rest of the weekend, and getting my batteries recharged. ^_^

Small Reviews

As you remember, if you do, I started a few weeks ago (six to be exact) a program to learn German by myself. The first weeks were quite "easy" in the sense that I had no trouble keeping up the pace and following a routine I planned out for myself: Monday to Thursday I checked each of the four lessons included for the week, one each day taking them in the morning, before my work schedule started, and then checking them again at home before going to bed. On Fridays I did the review lesson, and then everyday I tried to remember the more words and phrases I could by looking at things around me and imagining how should I call them or ask for them or comment on them in German. It is quite rewarding to be able to remember the words while you are walking to the office, or traveling on a bus.

When my boyfriend came to visit my system suffered a small disrupt, but I still did my best to keep the studying within each week. It's already a week since he has been gone and today I ran through two lessons, leaving the review for tomorrow. Today were the last lessons of week six, from a twelve week program. Though I still have six weeks to go, the first CD was over (which I downloaded to the laptop, of course). At the end of the last lesson (review lessons have no recording), the "voices" said (the guy and the girl who present the lessons) that it was a good time to make a review of the previous six lessons before I started with the next six. Well, as a matter of fact, I did make a review of everything some days ago, to get again the hang of it, and sometimes I do check back to refresh things. However this time it got to me differently. I started wondering about reviewing, and I thought about reviewing the last things that happened to me, or maybe just this week.

So, things that make me a bit sad were not so many. My boyfriend went home on Sunday and it was bad to go home and not see him, not be able to hold him in bed, lean against him, smile at him and hold his hand.

Things that made me mad, well, some of my coworkers that act childish and tremendously stupid. I'd say that you can't blame people for being stupid because they are stupid, but this one is annoying, stupid and seems to get a kick out of blaming others for her own faults. But then again "oh well", lets try and make as little contact with The Annoying as possible and live happily ever after as I've been doing it so far.

It makes me mad that my thesis partner is withdrawing so much. It upset me to find out that after so much time making me wait for her part of the job, she ended sending me the SAME THING I sent her. No added up stuff. She's good, so why is she doing this? Must I sit down with her and do it? Hell, it feels like dealing with a toddler.

Things that worry me, adding up all the bills I have to charge to my boyfriend. I kind of think it will be a considerable amount of money and though he will pay me very, very fast, and by putting the money in my Hungarian accounts, It upsets me a little to have added up that amount of debts to my credit cards. The positive thing about this is that this feeling makes me wary of Credit Cards, so I use them less and get more cautious with money. ^_^ That's never bad. Frugality is a virtue I must learn to embrace, like I did before.

Then I had this meeting with this professor, and she made some remarks about our thesis that worried me. Basic things that made me realized that, yes, our tutor were driving us off the path regarding our thesis topic, and then, the methodology isn't half as good as he told us, but he NEVER told us what to improve. Now I have a better, more clearer idea about were to head to. It worries me, but we are still in time, we can fix it.

Things that made me happy were being able to download by myself a SPN episode, though the episode itself sucked HUGE TIME. It made me happy to be able to stay a bit more at the office, like right not, tobe able to improve my times, since we are being stupidly measured by them. It made me happy to finish an I.M. benchmarking in time, and process the data beautifully. It made me happyto have pörkölt nokedlivel for lunch, and then one day eating at this lovely Italian food restaurant, and have delicious gnocchis! Made me happy to have Coca-Cola at the office, spend less on food, bring more home cooked meals.

Today it made me happy to talk with one of our cleaning ladies, who told me about some people I should be careful with. I suspected one of them, but now I know he's a man with a mean heart who tries to be so good and so ready to do anything for us, but at the same time threatens and mistreats the cleaning personal and believes to have authority over them. It's best to know this kind before hand.

Today I'm happy because tomorrow I don't have to work, and though I'll wake up early to talk to my boyfriend and will have to go to the bank to pay Credit Cards, I can rest and simply be happy.

Hair Matters - Again

Today I took a small trip down Memory Lane while looking at old pictures of mine, most of them from the time I used my hair short. The whole things started with me trying to find a picture of Roo, Lau and myself posing next to a giant Hello Kitty. The picture is still missing, but instead I found a great load of pictures, most of which I posted already in my Hungarian blog. (So sorry, but I think I won't repost here. Well, maybe a few ^_^)

The point, as I brownsed through the pics yesterday, was to see a few of my hairstyles through... well, not the times, but actually my college years and a few years after. It was somewhat like a post Dragonfly did where she shone from black hair to blond to redhead. Well, I went from short to half curly chin lenght to blonde wig to long. Then I realized that I also went from bony not "thanks Hyne I'm healthy". Interestingly it was during my working years that I became short from skeleton.

There's this picture of me with a blonde wig (coz' I'll never do THAT to my real hair... well, I think), and my shoulderblade actually STICKS OUT OF MY BACK! I remember back then I was so selfconscious because if I as much as hunched my back, my ribs stuck out. I always found such levels to skinniness downright hineous. Well, thanks Hyne and the All Mighty Coca-Cola, I'm no longer a bag of bones. ^_^

When it comes to hair, I love, love, LOVE short hair, which is why the only kind of wigs I love to try out and love to buy (though so far I only have one) are the short ones, or max. shoulder lenght ones. I know I look better with long hair, and I like my hair long, save when it's hot ot humid and I can't put my mane on someone elses's head. Then, it's incredibly annoying when you are sleeping, particularly with someone else, because your hair seems to be EVERYWHERE!

Hair gives us a look, though it is important to say that hair doesn't give us a personality, but it sure allows some sides of yourself get more or less exposed. After all, your hairdo is an expression of yourself!

I've this particular thing about remembering parts of movies I either haven't seen complete or never cared enough to remember whole. Well, there's this movie with Darryl Hannah, some clear eyed handsome actor and a brunette girl that played a French girl. They meet at some vacations in Greece. Darryl sports her long beautiful blonde hair, and this girl has a shiny, stylish brunette hairdo that suddenly looks Darryl's hair look messy and plain, if not downright boring and peasant. Either they ask her about her hair or the French girl tells it by herself, but the point is that she says that she cuts her hair each time she breaks up with a boyfriend.

The idea somewhat stuck with me: let your hair express the changes you go through. If you have had long hair and cut is short, you must know that feeling of freedom, of breaking loose. It's a lost, a departure, but also freedom, independence, like breaking up from chains that have weighted on you for so long. letting your hair grow, though, after cutting it short for a long time carries a feeling of revolution, of starting something new, of investment, of a project: you embarch on something that will demand your time, your patience, your effort, like watching a three grow. The expectation of how long will it grow, how long will it take, what will it look like, what will you be able to do with it...

Then, when we look back in time, pictures in hand, we can smile and remember what it was like when we were that young and wore that hair and those clothes. ^_^

I'm Lovin' This Game

New York Jets vs Baltimore Ravens. The game has been fun, specially as the 4th quarter closes up and the adrenaline pumps up hard just like the muscle and the bone. There's not a minute of boredom, as the teams push each other through the yards looking for the touchdown.

I thought I wouldn't like it since I'm more into Rugby, but the game is awesome. It's still strange see so many players who are rather big instead of slim anf fit, but American Football does find a position for everybody, not only the sport and fit kind.

The game was an interesting match, led by Baltimore since the first moment, and up to the end of the second quarter it made me think that New York was a bag of pussies. The Knicks suck, and it seemed so did the Jets. Well, the Jets actually took the pre season to test their new quarterback, Mark Sanchez. I wouldn't say he did well, but then again, the whole Jets was bad. However, after Flacco left the game, the Ravens remained pretty orphaned, and pretty much relayed on the shabbiness of the Jets to keep up the score. However, the Jets tightened up and got quite close. 23 to 24. It wasn't so bad. Now I'm waiting for the next game. Next Monday Vikings vs Texans.

I'm loving this game!

Season of Rain, Skirts and Stockings

Today in the afternoon the sky broke loose and it poured. Well, this is Costa Rica, and when it rains it floods. I had told Kari about the rain in here, and he has told me he has never seen rain like the one I describe. Water up to your ankles, getting wet in every single occasion at least to knee high. Well, like I said before, it is time for skirts, skirts, skirts. I don't have a problem with that, but the thing is that I've been looking for my stockings and I just can't find them. Sure, I've a few panty hoses, which I hate, but I can't find my stockings. Something tells me I left them in Budapest. Gara ask Kari, just to be sure. That was swell, though, to leave my stockings home. What was I thinking? What am I supposed to wear now? My spider web panty hoses? (Yes, I do have spiderweb panty hoses and stockings.) Or the flame ones? Maybe the striped ones... Or maybe I should go bay to that Sex shop in San Pedro and look for the wool colorful Rainbow Bright stockings. Oh yes, that's one of the many pleasures that come around with the rainy season.

I know we are slowly getting to the International Female Fetiche topic: shoes, but why not to stop a moment at this quite underestimated piece of garment, the "stockings". With the blissful magic of stockings, you can protect your legs from cold, bugs, scratching plants (you know, thorny or those that can get you skin allergy), not to mention that opaque stockings are a blessing when you are too lazy to shave or (like me) you're afraid that the cold and moist in the air could resent your skin and get you those unsightly and painful red spots.

Many women don't like stockings or panty hoses because they find them uncomfortable and constricting. Well, I believe it's all a matter of finding the ones that fit you well. Soft, elastic... I prefer them thicker but less constraining. Stockings I favor over panty hoses because they fit my legs better. They come in one size, not ten thousand like panty hoses, so you can pick the color and don't worry for the size, or fighting with two sizes because you are in the very border and you hate it when they are too tight around your thigh or too baggy around your ankles. That's never trouble with your stockings.

The problem with stockings, for many, is that they tend to roll down and slide, which is why supenders were invented. They could hurt you if the hooks are too hard or too rough. I'd say check the hooks, make sure they are silicone, but the silicone doesn't touch your skin. Those that have "ribbon tails" siding the hooks are great. Then the elastic hem can be too tight sometimes, but the more you wear them, the more they stretch and they won't hurt anymore. Some people put them in the freezer over night and that helps too.

One other thing I like about stockings is that usually when a panty or a stocking ruins it starts on one leg only. With the panty hoses you have to throw them away, which is a bitch because sometimes some colors are hard to get, or seasonal, of Hell knows what. With the stocking you can save the good one for when another of the same color ruins, you still get a pair of your favorite color without having to hit the stores and go searching for the color you want and getting rows and rows of aweful colors like peach, papaya and hideous blues and cheap thin "blacks" or putrid small town mass-goer white.

Then again, really, one thing you should always know about stockings is that they shape nicely your legs and bring them out. They look good and make you look fantastic, not only warmer and protected.