Dear Snyegi,




__«(¯`•.)»°«.•´¯)»__
Une petite bêtise...

How to make a Stormberry

Ingredients: 3 parts competetiveness 5 parts self-sufficiency 1 part beauty

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of madness and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

My Dear Snyegi,

Do not think for one moment that I have forgotten You, for that is not the case. I always think of You. You are important to me.

As I type this words into You, a bit rushed, a with aprehensive as the environment at the office hasn't been the best for... anything, I can't keep thinking about the reasons we, journal-writers (for I can call us "journalists") sometimes take it to write to oour beloved Journals as if we were composing a letter. It comes to my mind that perhaps we seek to create something in You that... is not there.

Not everybody write into their journals the same way. I have no experience reading the journals of others, for the only "real journals", so to call them (all those not Internet-published, and therefore meant to be private) I've ever read had been my own (duh) and famous journals such as Anne Frank's. Then, of course, the novels written in this fashion, such as "Werther" (which made me cry) and "Asta's Book". Most likely, I have read more but I would never be able to tell so.

Once I gave as Birthday present for a girlfriend of mine the published journals of Anaïs Nin. Kinda regret now not having kept the book to myself. I have never read a thing of Anaïs Nin, but she... triggers me. That book was a collection not only of some of her journal's entries, but it had as well letters she wrote to friends and lovers... and I guess also some replies.

When it comes to journals, or diaries of whatever you wish to call them, some people approach them as some kind of historical sense, whixh sometimes strikes me odd. People can't possibly believe that they are so important that people in the future will die to know that: Today at breakfast I had an orange juice and a bowl of healthy, organic, muesli. Or people go recording in their journals the news.

...

Sept. 11, 2001

Today, two hijacked (planes are hijacked?) United Airlines planes crashed against the Twin Towers.

... Get real. Like there's not enough on that on all the newspapers and news broadcasting agencies. Some people, historians and investigators say that actually these records help them understand the personal impact of historical events on the lives of common people.

I believe, yet, that journals, either published or private, show something about the people, something deeper and richer that what some historical events can tell.

Regarding the way one addresses his/her journal, I don't know what to say about the people who just plain writes down things... though I do that in my "real journal"... but I belive that those who address their journals with names or any "address", and compose their entries like a letter, is because they wish to say all these things to someone, share their thoughts, but can't find the right person to do it, the person with whom they could go and speak things in the "written manner", which is so different from the "spoken manner". Not like many would know that these days.

I wonder then if we are lonely, or ... the worst: we wish for someone who doesn't bother us, who exists only to listen to us. I wonder if it is the ultimate way to show how "control-addicted" some of us are.

I started reading a book from Anne Rice. (Yes, not Nin, since as I've told you earlier, I do not have at hand any Nin material.) It's (obviously) one of the books I inherited from my friend Roo when she moved to California. It's the "Blood and Gold" one. I haven't even finished "The Queen of the Damned" (since when I was reading it in Spanish it seemed to me to be beyond abhorrent, plus finishing with "Lestat, The Vampire" and the "Claiming of the Beauty" trilogy pretty much exhausted my patience with her story-in-story-in-story-in-story-(Lim tends to the infinite) patterns), and I guess there is an order to read the books... but I'm just not about it. Another friend, Hokuto has asked me to write her a fanfic with Marius and Armand in this book, so I'm reading for research. However, the book is quite good.

I hope Skylar can make it to lunch today, so I can spend my 45 minutes reading!!

The Foley case has me going on and on.

I have a new idea of a story. The story is the oldest story in the book, and I have seen it portrayed several times in all kinds of gay literature books (some better, some worst), and it also has been the topic of several yaoi mangas and animes. And look, you can even see this plot in real life!

I guess that a writer who wishes to touch this topic, has to give something to it. What? Well, either a twist in the plot, or play very well the characterization of the subjects. In no case, a writer should do what this Chris Kent folk does: quickly scribble up a story and then add sex scenes that are ALL the same. Sorry they are, and the core fo these copy-pasted scenes is: boy on top of man. No variation ever. Okay, maybe one or two times the man gets on top of the child (which is the contrary of what you can see in Japanese yaoi... or what you know of the Ancient Greek traditions), but I'm not sticking around to find out.

Usually I'm quite open to accept the wicked kinks of people. I mean, for crying out loud, I have a friend who LOOOOOVES what I can only call "extreme pedophilia". I have written stories for her. I thought at one time that I could find her "freaking point", and so I wrote for her birthday an incest story between a father and his less-than-6-months-old-boy. It was hard to write, I won't lie to you. I kept it short and had to foccus always on the father and pretend that the kid was... much older, but I did it. I hoped, when I sent her the story, that she would reply: "This was it, I don't want to see an underage for a while." I would have felt my mission accomplished, but instead the reply was: "I loved it!! So HOT!!! Can you make it YOUNGER for next year?".... O_O

Okay, so, when you have a friend who loves boys under .... 6, and suddenly you hear about a Representative of 50-something teasing 16 year old boys, well you think: "That guy should really get his head out of the mangas, but other than that... what's the big deal". However the MEDIA acts differently, the society acts differently and there's FUSS about it? And people make a whole war out of who new what and when and why the hell they didn's say something earlier... Well, kids over 16, or even over 14-15, depending on their sexual maturity, are already having sex, or at least thinking of it constantly. Most of them, IF their families and school provide them with the proper education, know what goes on with sex.

I am not justifying this man: hey, he likes children, well, much his problem. I think he was majorly stupid for "hunting" where he works. If he was told to stop, he should have.

Okay, okay, we all get scolded at the office for doing things we are not supposed to do at the office, but it's not the same to be scolded for trying to score underage boys, when you are a lawyer and you KNOW that you could be prosecuted for that, no matter how much you try to mask it as a friendly chat; and being scolded for eating in your cubicle, or being caught reading Anne Rice books or chatting in office hours. Get my point?

On the other hand, Mr. Foley is not the sole sinner of the House, and anyone with a logical mind can see it. I bet there's a lot of Congressmen and Representatives and all you want working in power positions scoring ANYTHING that moves: pages, either male or female, workers, clerks, chewing gum selling people, the children of their workmates... and who knows? Some might be paying hookers and transvestites too, or having fun paying some to rought them up a little bit. No police complain files because they are "politicians". I'm not saying someone is doing this, but I'm certainly saying that several things might be happening that even my quite fertile imagination can grasp, BUT suddenly people ONLY concentrate in the ESCAPE-GOAT at hand: Mr. Mark Foley.

... The oldest story in the book. Let's see what can I do out of it.

Wish me luck.


~ Buranaberry

Dear Snyegi,

We have a new cat. His name is Hyperion. Yes, like the star satelite around Saturn with quite an interesting irregular form.
However, that's not all to it. Hyperion is also the Gunblade of Seifer Almasy in Final Fantasy VIII. Not like I would expect any of you to know what a gunblade is or who is Seifer Almasy. It doesn't have much importance anyway.

Okay, this is the Hyperion gunblade. In a time I used to write a lot of fanfics with the Final Fantasy VIII characters, and Seifer, along with Zell, were my favorites. Perhaps because they are both blonds. I have a thing for blonds. Add to it that my new car is blond. Damned, now that I think of it, I could have named it Zell Dintch. It does have Zell's playful character. I mean, Zell Dintch is such a sweet guy, a little dummy, but always a good friend and a child looking for the love of others. Quite like my pretty, blond little Hyppie. I kinda like this type of perky, funny, smiley, happy-go-lucky characters. While in fiction writing, it is always funny to use them. I can't really see myself writing some character like that. Perhaps the perkiness lacks of me. I do have some "kind of perky" characters, like Cain Snow from « Falling on Snow », which is just a short story, but I would like to work it longer on a novel. Callem Reims from another, still untitled is also quite perky, but all these guys have issues to deal with, stuff that takes away the happy-go-lucky. Cecil from « The Denial » is rather perky, but he is more careless/carefree and "in denial" to be happy-go-lucky. He definitively is the happy-go-fucking type. I guess that's something I like about him. if I had to give him a motto it would be:

If it moves, fuck it. If it doesn't move, take advantage and fuck it. You can always regret it in the morning.

But never in a bad sense, eh? He's just a horny, happy little guy who gets himself into a lot of trouble, but somehow he always manages... even with Bailey.

But back to Hyperion, my new, handsome cat... Would have it done a nice Tidus as well? He is also blond, and also perky, though not as perky as Zell... It could be interesting, don't you think?

Nah, isn't it amazing how your head wanders from topic to topic?

There was another thing I wanted to tell you about. I had been thinking some on that other novel project, « The Family Tangle », and I think I have the name of the horse: Phil. It is funny how I had his profession faster than his name. I have his haircolor, which I remember always because the Frenchman (so many frenchmen in my stoiries, right? Perhaps I shoul make him... Cheh? Beloruse?) refers to him as the "Red Mustang". The other characters, the wolf, had been clearer in my head from earlier. His name came to me faster. He will be Dawn with multicoloured eyes. Kinda like Cain's, only Cain's are green-based, and Dawn's will be blue and yellow-based. Phil has dark brown eyes, and some refer to it as "black holes" or "bottomless pits". Due to the way he acts in teh first chapter, before Dawn appears, that calling goes from being a flattery to be recrimination and mockery, as people say it seems he left his humanity, his spirit in the bottom of his eyes.

This story unfolds quite unusually in my head. So, they all unfold in their own way, stories do that, but this particular story unfolds in a different way. It also swirsl a lot around « The Denial ».

My friend marc is asking me for the story of Callem, only he calls it "Reese's Story". Reese is a secondary character. I guess he will have a fit when he realizes that Reese won't be Callem's boyfriend. Though... in the end... that I haven't decided yet.

Writing is awesome. I hope one day I'll be able to do it professionally.

Love to all,

Dear Snyegi


I have come to terms (sort of) with the fact that You will not go back to the User Friendly way you used to have before. Why? How the fuck should I know. But, oh well, we can deal with that.

Not long ago I published some pictures of my two latest trips to Hungary on Buranaberry, but all in Hungarian... OF COURSE. Now, I thought it would be sweet to share these pics with You as well.

If I could I would break this entry in two: one about this pictures I took a while ago, and another about a few thoughts I had on my novel « The Family Tangle ». But I guess that it becomes too long, I will leave it only to the pictures.

So, shall we get this party started?


As presumed, the first picture... is the only one I have of Paris. I do have taken some others... but this is the best one. Yes, you can imagine the quality of my pictures, thank you. However I would like to remark that I am NOT a professional photographer, and I took this with my mobile phone while freezing in an ungodly 4°C with my beloved Omi hanging from my shoulder. Yes, blame me, I can't move around without my Omi.

I took another picture of the Palais du Challiot, but I'm bot posting it any time soon... I guess, inde it looks like a big white mass.

Yes, it gara be me.

My Hungary

It is painful to see what is happening now in my beloved Hungary. it is painful to hear the Prime Minister you have voted for acused of lying to the people in order to get reelected. Is painful to see your countrymen acting like uncivilized imbeciles burning up cars and starting a riot. I do not condone corruption, but I believe... I choose to believe my Prime Minister. Yes, I know that politics are permetted with lies. Lies make a huge part of the political life, and sorry, but it is as my Personal Message says in my MSN:

« Truth is like a Nuclear Weapon: It is not a matter of Using it, but letting Your Enemies know that You COULD.»

It is not a pretty thing to say, I'm aware of that, but it is a simple thought deduced from another one much more in vogue nowadays and very loved by everybody: Information is Power.

My Hungary, my beloved Budapest, has a lot of beautiful places I love and I like to visit each time I'm there. This picture here, as you can see, is the Lutheran Church were our family goes. We used to go to another in Újpest a while ago, where Brother and I were baptized and Zsuzsanéni and I were confirmed. However this other is closer to Nagyapi's place, so we go there. Titi, Brother's godfather goes there too.

I love Titi a lot because he is so fun! He's a guy of roughtly my grandfather's (Nagyapi) age, but he is so lively and funny and always making jokes.

The sheppard of this church is also a very cool guy, very gifted in the art of oratory. His preachings are always interesting and quite meaningful. He always lets you thinking about it.

Near where my aunt (Zsuzsanéni) lives there's this house where they have tulips in the garden. I had never before seen so many tulips blooming. I remember I went by everyday and stayed there looking at the flowers, gathering up the courage to picture them. I saw two guys in the house, or roughly the same age. I could be a dirty thinker and believe that those were an old gay couple, but... well, I don't know, I don't live there, and I see gays everywhere. However, the tulips were unmistakably beautiful. Finally I managed to take the picture and here it is. I hope you find the picture to your liking.

I would like to go back in Spring again sometime to see the tulips bloom again.

A place I like but not many others do is the West Train Station, or as we call it in Hungarian, the Nyugati Pályaudvar. When I went to Vienna this April, my train, an EuroCity, departed from here. Funnily, it went to the Westbanhoff, in Vienna, which also translates West Train Station. I dunno, I found it funny. For Hungary is okay, because Austria IS at West, but for Vienna, shouldn't it be the East?

Coca-Cola did an advertizement here too. It was for a Light Coke, where a guy started to play a guitar in quite a Spanish style to get some change to get a light coke from a vending machine. ^_^ I liked that advertizement, even if it was stupid. Then again, perhaps i like it only because the setting, and the money used were Hungarian. if it is possible to be in love with a country, then I believe I'm in love with My Hungary. I guess I'm the luckiest person in the world for having been born Hungarian. I just can't posibly thing of anything better than being Hungarian.

Many others had also thought similarly. It is said that the Empress Sissy of Austria loved Hungary a lot and that actually this big, pink castle you see here was her favorite place.

I didn't plan to come and visit the castle at first. However, as one day my aunt, my grandpa and and old lady friend and I were having lunch at a nice little place, I noticed a HÉV, when I asked my aunt where does it go, she told me:

- To Gödöllő, to the castle of Princess Sissy.

I had to go. And so I did. It was wonderful. Such a shame you can't take pictures, because there were sculptures and many things to just fall in love with.

It was dreamy. No wonder so many stories and fairy tales had been written and made on movies and animated movies about here. I guess she even appears in mangas. I think I have one... in French. What-Are-The-Odds... ^_^Oh, don't look at me like that.

Damned, now that I think of it, I haven't digitalized the pictures I took in Caracas. That's also a pretty place.

The site is getting trouble to load up, so I guess I'll leave the Vienna pictures and some of my other Hungary pictures for another entry.

~ Dear Snyegi,

If I have to be honest, I really dislike this so HTML style of yours.

Well, there are things that seem to happen only to me.

This third year the UAM, where I teach some courses, didn't call me back. The reason? No reason were given, but I suspect it had to do with the change of administration. That or they didn't like my much more liberal teaching methods. I was a bit sad because teaching meant some extra money I really need, but, oh well. Now, I was telling about this to this friend of mine, Munanna, a Swedish girl I met through the LJ, and whose life is... well, weird. I was explaining her some things of my life in a mail that took me almost a week to write, when a guy from the UNIMET, called me to ask me if I could give Financial Maths today. Needless to say, I accepted.

The payment will be BAD, around €23,- per month (yes, you've read right), but.. hey, I gara do what I can.

Fran, scared me. Okay, he has lied a lot of times to me, but he insist that it is not in the plans of the current Government to sell the Institution for which I work. That would be bad, because I was expecting them to sell. (Not like I would buy, but I was metalized to that...)So suddenly I felt like I really, really need to do my thesis and get my Licensed Degree, and PRONTO. Li offered me a solution, a friend of hers who is a PhD in economics and finished in the INCAE. That's good. The bad part is that I'll have to pay him, since no one does this pro-bono. Rosa Artavia, my former "tutor" was going to do it, but nothing came out of that. I think I'll try to contact her, because I'm really, really short of money. Really, truly short of money.

I asked Mom how much is she paid for tutoring a thesis... and boy she brought me down. I don't know how she does it, but she always brings you down making you feel that whatever your idea is, it is a bad idea, and when you try to explain her that, sorry, but that's the only way, she offers no solutions, but keeps mulling. She must have a professional degree on depressing people.

But, chest out, I can do it. I have to. I can't keep this going on like this any longer. Li says that this guy can help me finish my thesis FAST and fast is in my vocabulary of "desired things for my thesis".




By the way, I thought You would like to see me, so I took the liberty of pasting (or doing the attempt to) a picture of me here. That's me at the office. I hope you like it. ^_^

Loves You,

~ Burana

Dear Snyegi,

So I see You have removed all your pretty options, such as the easy colouring of the texts and such. If I manage, I will be doing all my Technicolor work by doing it the same boooring way one does it with the lj.

Today I'm meeting Li to talk about some things. Nothing too serious but still to be concerned about. Stuff about "future".

I'm very happy these days. Not only we had our weekly class of Time Series, but I also have a lot of work to do at the office. Benchmarkings and Competitor Analysis. These make my day.

Only your lately "inoperability" casts a shadow over perfection. Get back to good soon.

Okay, I'm moving quite much on my lj, the wicked and read lockythebunny. A friend of mine from there will be having her birthday in October, and so I thought to indulge some Ficwriting for her sake and compose her some kinky slash. I think I'll do that. I can do that and she loves my writing, so it will be a nice gift, I guess.

Caroll answered my entry yesterday. She says she reads me daily, but she actually hardly ever comments. Then all her comments usually have a hint of she rubbing something into other people's face. Now that the relationship between us starts to tense up (it does from time to time), everytime I remark her something of the sort, she says it is me, and that I see things because I'm so full of myself (not her woords, but when you destile all the crap she uses as words, you basically end up with that), and that I have "Japanese Theaters" going on my head. Like I live in a violent and bloody drama. I'm not acquinted with the Japanese artforms, so translated to vulgar, American pop culture, she pretty much says that I live in a "Die Hard" or a "Predator" movie.

O_ô....

Be real. First of all I live in a "Clear and Present Danger" movie, and I am NOT Dr. Jack Ryan, though many times I feel like I am him. Second of all, it would be just dandy to be called, pretty much a "Drama Queen" by the one who still eggs a fight against a girl who, six years younger than her, dated the guy Caroll liked, and the guy liked her back. Really. Oh, and four years have gone by and she can't see any of them because... she starts crying. But then again I'm the Kabuki Walking-Talking Theatre. *thumbs up in irony*

However, somehow we are still friends. (Or is it only acquintances? I really don't think much about the whole thing anymore.) It's a wicked relationship of love-hate. I guess a lot of people have similar ones.

You might ask yourself why do you keep meeting people that basically... gets to your nerves. Well, I've discovered that it is because they are basically nice, and they have some things you enjoy. With Caroll I like talking about slash, or hearing the stories about all her gayish co-workers, and how the guys disappear from seminars to go make out. ^_^ Then there are a lot of parts of her personality that are quite nice. It is the rest that is a drag or born-to-be-murdered. Then Caroll is not the only one. There have been several friends with whom you have to literally endure their things to keep with them because other than that, they are cool.

The question here is why do we stay?

I believe the reason would be that friendship is something also tied to the Law of Economics. Namely, you act "rationally" in the sense of you are not letting go of your friend why you still profit from it. While there's something your friend can give you and that no other friend or person can, you will still be with that friend. Naturally, you will try to minimize your "costs" by having the minimal contact with that part of your friend you don't like, or you will try to compenmsate those costs with some plus profit, or drive them off by bitching.

At the end, I believe that, if your friend is too bad, you will cut him or her off, since the profict you can get from it do not compensate your costs.

On a National Note, this thing happening at home, bothers me. I dislike it when papers and the FIDESZ tried to twist our Prime Minister's words. Do not pretend that lying came into the Hungarian Political Life with Gyurcsány Ferenc. I voted for him, and I still support him.

Loves You,

~ Burana

My Dear Snyegi,

What happened today, Sweetheart? Why are you looking so lj-like?

I can't do colors not all the funny things I like to do with you.

I wished to talk a little, mais il ne me plait pas comme ci. Il y a une raison pour laquelle je t'aime mieux que mes LJs: parce que tu es plus facile pour moi a t'utiliser.

Je t'aime.

~ Burana

Snyegi,

This is so stupid. I know I have three older blogs in here and I'm trying to convey them all in one, all here, but I just don't seem able to do so. I tried to ask this Blogger... but there's no way to ask anything from it.

A time ago it was far easier to manage.

Track Pain of Living and the Ways to Numb Pain

My Dear Snyegi,

How the Hell do I get to underline something here? I've been trying to do that, but it just don't want to let me. Well, I guess I'll have to still work on that some more.

In a way I like You better than the « lj », because You are much more flexible in several things, though I can't hide segments of the entry so it appears smaller and the whole outcomming of the journal looks better. I like your font better too. Which one is it?

My friend Skylar came today to work. She has been quite silent. I guess she's still sad. -- Really, maybe I should, but I don't get it. Oh well, I guess she will be fine and back to her regular self soon.

People say: « Tell me who you befriend with, and I'll tell you who you are ». Well, since I have this is not a journal-journal, and I really have nothing extraordinary to report so far, I'll talk to you about... well, my friends and acquintances and workmates, whom I lovingly call: co-leeches.

If she would see this, she would kill me. Thanks Hyne she has no idea I have this blog... or anyone for that matters. I would like to show you my friend Skylar.


I know, she's pretty, though not very photogenic. I guess she's a nice friend, she's very cool in any case. Now, what you see there is her cubicle... kinda. mine is more secluded, hers is very open. And yes, she's THAT MESSY on daily basis.

On her workstation, a battered metal and laminated-something so-called desk, one God-knows-what "cement" wall and two laminated paper division walls, she has an assortment of papers, documents, pens, pencils, decoration items, raging in the spectrum of Hello Kitty and Precious Moments thingies, plus Sad Dog things. She also has food and around 3 to 5 agendas to write down things, plus I thing two function as journals. (Why does she carry them to the office? Perhaps she hasn't discovered yet the world of « Online Blogging and Journals ».)

She's a very competent professional, and quite academic in the sense that she can recite by heart the 8-P's of Marketing, and knows all the steps in the process of... all the processes you are thought at the University. She remembers to perfection all kinds of procedures and can do absolutely anything by the book. Really. She has a MBA and is going for a DBA.

In that sense I admire her a lot. I could never do what she does, for I have never learned things by heart. I do everything by logic. Naturally there are things I do remember, basical things such as elasticity formulas, the composition of Cost and Income, the nature of Demand and Supply, or what's my name, nationality and such. Other than that, after you tell me a bit of what are you asking me, I tend to rebuild the models in my head in a logical way until I get to the answer. It's how I've done it all my life. But Skylar... man, you can wake her up in the middle of the night and ask her to give you the steps for an Internal Control Procedure, plus prepare a procedure description, an activity mapping AND a fluxogramm, and she will do it without a blink.

Other than that she suffers from chronical bad luck. I guess her real name is Skylar Murphy. If something can come out wrong for her, it WILL come out wrong. She's also a bit hot headed and stubborn and does so many stupid things it leaves you gobsmacked. And I mean, a very big and mean GOB came directly from Gobland and smacked you. She lacks of common sense for a lot of things. It is as if she wanted to ignore the things that actually do happen around her, and so she rushes into things without thinking. You would like to tell her:

- Hey, slow down, cowgirl, you no need to rush. Take yo' time, smell the violets, think about it well... check other options... or just give it time.

But no, she jumps into it head first and watch out for the rocks because here's com'n the Big Kahuna. Then, of course, she ends up paying dearly for her mistakes, though she doesn't seem to learn from them. Either she's hiding behind the façade of Cool, Strong, Professional, Working, Independent, High Power Woman while actually being just a simple, shy girl with simple expectations from life, such as a home and a family and bid dinners with everybody around the table, or she's just too strongheaded to ever realize what's wrong with the mix.


Continuing with other people, these from the office, these you see here are well, Gabi and Tati. I'm the woman in Purple with long hair.

They are two of my workmantes, though they don't work in my department. We all belong to the same area, but this area is divided in different departments, and we are each from a different department. I wonder if anyone can tell from the picture that we are really not that close to each other.

Skylar really dislikes Tati, and their other workmate, Karol. Those three are the ones who Wedding-Stampeeded this year. Tati was the first in getting engaged, but then Karol married in April, Skylar in July and Tati this weekend.

Karol and Tati are the opposite to Skylar. Their working methods... well, they can do the official procedure, and they are good at composing official documents, which I wouldn't be able to do even to save my life, but when it comes to "content", they are both very "unprovided". Supposedly they dislike me, I have no idea why, nor I have noticed it. Karol did... well. In the beginning, Karol, Dani and I had lunch together. Since I didn't know them, and I had little to tell them, I carried a book to luch to read. I guess Karol found herself offended by it, and then they stopped calling me to lunch with them. Not like I minded, since then I stopped going to the work canteen and went to the mall with my book. Other than that, no one has told me in my face that they dislike me. So I adopted the policy of not aknowledging any "ill intention" or "ill will" unless clearly outspoken in my face, so I can defend against it. There's no point in wearing myself off on stuff that is not outspoken and agaisnt what I can't really start any procedure without looking like the "trouble maker".

Skylar doesn't think so. She had been frontally confronted by Tati and Karol, who told her that they didn't want her there the first day she was here. Now she wears her nerves off with any hint of complot or unspoken ill. I think that's stupid. She's giving them the tools to make her look bad.


In a time I was a bit closer to Gabi. It's not like we were real friends or anything, I was just polite to her in a time when she struggled to fit. Add to it, I have done some foreseeing for some people, and she wanted me to read her future. I'm not quite happy at doing that, but some people just can't wait for their future and keep asking and asking.

The problem with foreseeing is that sometimes these things just hit you, come to you. I had the notion that her father was going to die, I could feel it, and he died. She was asking me a while before it happened, but... fuck, how do you say someone that her father is going to die? Plus, I tend to see more blood and death than good things. Lately I've seen the death of two of the children. Shall i say the mothers that the kids might die in a schoolbus accident? And what if it means something else, what if it's just one of my random ideas? It happens, you know?

Back to Gabi... you know, perhaps Gabi and Skylar are alike: They are desperate to be accepted by this group. I mean, Skylar rushed into getting married, though she says she didn't, and she bitches about not being invited to the bachelor parties of Tati and Karol, nor to the wedding, nor to the "dinner" all our workmates organized for Tati and Dani carefully excluding us.

I don't mind it because I'm broken, so I wouldn't be able to afford the gift. Truth to be told, I didn't even wanted to get invited to Skylar's wedding, and I do thought that my obligations were done with the china sugarpot I brought her from Paris. So, not being invited to their wedding? It really doesn't bother me. It's their wedding and they can invite whomever they want. Oh no, but people around me have to do a big case out of it. Even my boss got into the mess.

Why can't they just leave things be?

Dear Snyegi,

Today was the funeral of Skylar's aunt.

There's something I don't get: Why do people cry the death of people they didn't like when they were alive? Perhaps I'm just fucking cold-hearted, but one day people are bitching about what a mean, selfish, unlivable son-of-a-whore someone is, and when that motherfucker dies, instead of being consistent with their opinion, or honest and say:

- Well, finally one fucker less in this world.

They go like:

- I will miss him/her so much! I never told him/her how much I loved him/her!

Well, child, you didn't told that person how much you loved him/her because, as far as I remember... you kinda like « hated » him/her?

What's in death that makes everybody look good? It's like the ultimate « Extreme Makeover ». i mean, I bet many would go and cry at the funeral of their slavedriving bosses.

Perhaps people should say:

- I fucking hate you and I wish you were dead, so I could cry over your coffin and finally see you as someone good and worthy.

Snyegi, I don't want people at my funeral. Can I have that? I don't want anyone to cry for me. I don't want cowards to be sorry for not telling me now what they want to tell me, that, when I'm dead will be a lot of good things. People don't say:

- Damned, now he's dead and I never told him what a son of a whore he is.
- Shit, she died and I never told her that she should be ashamed for being such a bad mother.

I hope Skylar recovers soon. Not like I miss her much. She is one of my best friends, but I think I'll enjoy the few days of having lunch all by mzself and being able to read for a while instead of having to pay attention. Well, that's unless my boss feels compelled to keep me company, since my only "lunchmate" is grieving.

Unrequested simpathy. Why do they assume that I need a court of coleagues the way they do? I love to be alone. I like it. I'm Narcissistic. I love being with myself. Alone with myself. Why can't they just deal with it?


Love,

~ Buranaberry

Dear Snyegi,

No, I actually haven't really decided yet on the name you will have, but we will be back on that later on. Ilja is a name I like, or Igor, but that's only because I'm reading « L'Empire des Anges » of Bernard Werber. Then, I gara admit, I have a thing for Russian men. They thrill me.



I wonder now if you would like me to introduce myself.


This is not my first blog or online-journal. I have done my share of damage already in livejournal.com, and it's safe to say I had enough of it. Well, maybe not as much of the livejournal itself as of the people reading my entries.

There is something inherently bounding when you start a blog or an online journal or such: You are expected to remain all your life in that very same « tendency ». I have to admit that, though I do have some permanent tendencies, such as my writing hobby and my love for politics and economics, topics are not something I can be passionate all my life.

When I started my first lj, it was under the name of lockythebunny. I started it on the insistence of a friend of mine... or more like an acquintance. I used to write fanfiction, and she wanted me to post them on Internet. It's a long story.

So I did, but I started using the lj more like a journal. However, eventually there was a lot of people reading my daily load of pre-coffee stupidities (Pre-Coffee Stupidities: All the idiotic things that leave your mouth before the first sip of coffee enters your system and you officially wake up to a new day... and waaaay too many explanations to give.), and making all kinds of comments. I don't mind that, I mean IF I'm publishing my journal, people is entitled to comment all they want, right? So, no biggie. The problem was when I was posting on some of the difficulties to get things done "PROPERLY AND RIGHT" here at the office and people's comments were on the line of:

"Yeah, sad. So, when are you updating « Insanity »?"

It's not their fault, but I don't have to take it either. So I decided to escape here.

I still have no idea how this bloggie thing actually works or how do you advertise your journal... and not even sure if I wish to do so.

So far, this is me, and I hope we will get along fine.

I have called You "Snyegi", which makes not much sense as it's like the very incorrect way of saying "snows" (snow inplural) in Russian, when I meant something like "Little Snow", or "Havacska."

Yeah, I like Havacska. It's Hungarian and I'm Hungarian. ^_^ I like it. Do you like it as well?

Ilja Havacska. Snyegi for friends. ^_^

Yes, I'm childish for some things. This is how I start things: naming them.

I'll see you... tomorrow or on Monday.

Love,


~ Buranaberry