The Weekend's Score

First of all, thanks for everbody for their loving messages about the previous entry. ^_^ Boy, having friends like you makes it all worth it! Second of all, here are the developments of the Fatidical Friday, which could have marked the end of my Evil Doing Days. (Okay, they were "curbed".)

That day I dressed up to party. Reduced my "regular daily luggage" to a handbag, and did me make-up and close "party-ready". Through all the day JP (also known as Faux Viktor), didn't even bother to talk to me, after being so verborreic the prior days. Well, *shrug* whatever. Maybe he has nothing to tell me. On the afternoon I had to run an errand close to the building where he is, so what the Fuck, I stopped by to greet him. Good thing I did! Fuck, that son of a bitch was looking like uncut coke: sinfully good. Waaah~... Hottie!

"Are we still up for today?"
"Yes," he said winking.
"Mac's?"
"uhhh... sure, sure. Mac's"

So, of course I came back to my office walking on clouds and ready to give up the essential of me: my capability to hurt. So I prayed for a miracle and I published my prayer. Hyne, you have no idea how full was my heart with hope! A painful yet tremendously romantic feeling. It was the very matter of good stories. Thanks Hyne I took fair advantage of that in writting. But giving up the Ice Queen Crown... that must have been it. You see, you have to embrace who you are and what have you done out of yourself. Sure, you can change, but if what you've been so far has been working so well, you had no complain about yourself, why to think of a change? I should have never offered my abdiction to my crown. Once an ice queen, always an ice queen. And isn't it so that the sky and the snow and the cold come upon my bidding on my birthland? ^_^ Jules says so, and well... So far I have never seen a winter without snow. ^_^

So, after work, I went to the bar and called him to know whether he was already there or not. To my surprise his cell was sending me to voicemail. O_O Okay, maybe he was still stuck ta the office and he had no signal reception there, but no. I called and he was long gone. Odd. I sent him an SMS asking him where he was, and the sat on the bar and order myself a coke. Minutes started running away, and I didn't have my journal at hand. Well, after all, I was planning to go to Babylon's after the date, and there I can't go carrying a big bag. Of course, nor I had my book, so it was really bad. Oh well, found a piece of paper in my bag and improvised a few notes for my journal using Runic writing, which probably made a lot of people highly uneasy. (People associate Runes with witchcraft, so imagine the shock of someone doing something like that in public.) Well, time was going by, and he wasn't anywhere to be found. I started getting upset, because that wouldn't be the first time he stood me up. So I called again, no avail, and sent him another message. Around 6 o'clock (we were supposed to meet after working, at 4:30 to 5...), he sent me a message.

'Sorry. Things got complicated.'

No shit. And he got his fingers broken so he couldn't tell me before? Or was he misteriously kidnapped by aliens? Shit! There's the minimal decency? You can't make it to an appointment, you call. That's the standard procedure. I've got fired up. Called my friends Ivan and Victor to bitch and get some comfort. Ivan promised to take me to get smashed drunk to Babylon's and my dear and beloved Victor, my handsome little angel told me to go to his place and have fun. Well, I asked for the bill and dialed JP's number with all the intent of leaving him a last message on my own voice: "grow some balls, asshole." Stragely, his phone was on now and he picked it up.

"Hi."
"Hi." he said.
"You went missing again."
"hahahaha! Where are you?"
"At Mac's."
"With whom?"

O_O Did he really ask that?????

"With people drinking. What do you think? It's a bar!"
"Hahahahaha! You are terrible! You can't stop partying, can you? Girl, you are terrible."

What the fuck??

"Dude: you stood me up. Again. What the fuck happened?"

Man, I just wanted to listen to him lie again. Again is sister-in-law's mom was sick? Come on, bitch, bring it forward, so I can laught. However he remained silent.

"You there?"
"Yes, yes... I'm.. close to..."

And then he tried to name a town in Costa Rica. He didn't nail one. Yeah, he fucker made a run for his hide.

"Uhum..." I said at his attempts, and then this coward chicken wuss hung up on me!

My bill arrived and since it was only a coke and I was going to pay with my card, I had to ask for something else. So I ordered a Heineken to cool down. Man, I wanted him dead, and when I mean "dead" I mean full Medieval Execution style. Hell, I'm all for classics. ^_^ Little after he sent me another SMS with one word: "forgive me" (in Spanish it is one word). The hell I would! My ice crown was restored, so I planned carefully my next move. I was going to get smashed and drunk like I have never been since 2001. I was going to see my friends, all of whom I love so deeply, and life was looking up again. So, what do I know about him to hit him? Not answering wasn't a real solution to make a statement. Now, JP is deeply affected by his surroundings. The world has to do with him, and he actually believes that the problems of others are his problems. He was a very bad case of being both unable to take responsability, and I mean real responsability of his actions, or realizing that there's people who just don't love him anymore. Emotionally, he needs to be the center of the Universe for people. He can't take a decision, even if the choice is clear. It's almost as if he needed to live in a constant turmoil. He attaches himself to people who hurt him, and he hates it, but he can't separate himself from them, filling himself with feelings of guilt, through a series of actions provoked by he himself. He lives with regret. In a way, and that's the weapon I chose, he is addicted to regret, and walks through life hanging tightly to it, as if in the moment he lets go his regrets there's nothing left for him to live. How do I know this? ^_^I'm good at listening and analyzing. Besides he's a piece of cake: his pattern is one I have studied extently in books and stories, so I could pretty much write him up.

I answered real slow, counting on the network to add some delay.

'Never mind, but know that you hurt me. You could have simply said no.'

Oh, that's so sad and so... "dramatic". ^_^ Each word measured, even the selection of the word "hurt" into such a feminine tone, yet framed in short statements and softness, it was bound to stab. Hehehehe... there goes a leave of sorrow for you, son of a whore. Now, if my calculations are right, he will go missing, BUT each time we meet, and we are bound to, he will feel a stab. Will he try to make ammends? That's a long shot, and I better he doesn't. I only need him to feel bad, so he gets depressed, his work suffers and so his career. And what if it doesn't work out? Well, not liek I care much for him, I actually got quite some profit from this, and it was a dipping into some feelings, which I was able to record to use later for writings, not to mention a fresh look for potential characters in future works, so the damage would be an extra bonus. You see, when you go around stuff like this taking credit is not exactly ... "desired". You could be labeled "psychopath", and that not necessarily lands you some "diazepan", but could certainly hurt your chances to... keep... "practicing", if you know what I mean. Either way, if I suceed, do you think he will realize that this or that is "my doing"? No. People who get depressed, specially but such sly things do not realize what's the source of their sorrow. And it is far better that way. He remains with the regret while I have moved away and keep the smirk, and a giftbag full of goodies. ^_^

Now comes the X-rated part. I went to Victor's and we had a nice time. I met his straight friend, yet another César and *smirk* me made out like it was the end of the world. Then I met with Iván and the other César, so I was kind of jumping from one César to the other. ^_^ pretty much like the Roman Empire. Hehehehe... Got hammered, and I mean fucking hammered, to the point of me doing really... really... crazy and unexpected things. No, not like the things people has told me I've done before, so I did not got naked and I did not start a fight, but it seems I did end up with some pictures of some people and some phone numbers. Oh, and I was dragged to the stage where all the insanity started. Of course, I was in no shape to go home, or so I believe (unless something else happened I'm not aware of) so I woke up at Ivan's. I went home, took off my party clothes, showered and hit the bed with one hell of a hangover. Shit, since 2001. I forgot what it was like to be so wasted. I thought I would not be in shape for partying on Saturday, when I received a call around 16 hrs. I was K.

"Hi... do you remember me?"

Oh fuck... so it did happen...

"Umm... yeah, sure! How do you do, Honey?"

Small chat.

"I can't meet you today at Babylon's. I've got sick."

Oh... we were supposed to meet? Fuck! Who was going to tell me???

"Oh... what a shame, Sugar. But it's okay!"
"We can meet on Sunday..."

Partying three days on a row is a bit much for an adult, old woman like meself.

"Suuuuure..."

Bye-bye. See ya. Take care.

It was surreal. Fuck, what the hell did I get into? I grabbed the phone and dialed Ivan's number.

"Hello?"
"When the FUCK was someone to tell me about K!!!?"
"Hahahahahaha!"

I swear, were he not gay and my current best buddy and drink buddy and someone I love so deeply, I would be peeling back his skin with a salt rock! Around seven I've got an SMS from Ivan telling me to go to his place. Well, I was still in my dying bed, but it was time to rise and shine, so I put on my pretty Benetton black dress and went to my friend's, thinking we would hit the bar. Well, not really. My dear and ever so beloved friend, may he be eternally blessed, was there with a friend, doing some work. Work-work, not "work". And may I say, his friend is a vision from Heaven! Oh dear. Well, Ivan is permanently surrounded by the most beautiful men who have ever walked on the face of the Earth, but this astonishing piece of work was... Well, look at him yourself! Wouldn't you love to be a laptop? I know I do. ^_^ He's nice and cool, and took all of Ivan's queer joking rather good, which put me off, because he has this "straight" thing about him. You know, gays have this "gaydar" thing, which allows them to identify each other. Well, when a straight fellow like myself starts to find his or herself quite often in the gay scene, I believe we also develop something like that, only in our case it's a "straightdar". Well, my straightdar was telling me that this dude was off, because no matter how at ease he was and how much he was participating and fully presenting himself like a queer, he had the straight aura. Well girls, he is straight. Straight and open minded. I had not much to do, except to watch them work and eventually join a line of talk or another, with which both Albert (the guy) and Ivan kept me pleasantly busy. It does was a bit uncomfortable to be in full party gear with them so relaxed. "Overdressed" was an understatement.

Well, Albert wasn't going to party with us, but as soon as he was gone, I grabbed Ivan's arm and pressed my forehead to it.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Well, you have seen him: wouldn't you thank him too? ^_^ We had a talk about Albert and then some ESP things. It wasn't up to that point that I realized Ivan had in his bedroom a figure I had been dreaming with for ages. We went then into talking about stuff that has happened to us and premonitions and other stuff that really has no place in here, nor anywhere else, but between him and me. I did do something evil: I wished death upon someone (strangely while thinking also of someone else...) by using a new mantra. It would have thought that Ivan would stop me from formutaling such a hate filled wish, but he did nothing. Odd. Anyone deep into occultism and witchcraft is well aware that things come back three times, so you must remain away from ill, particularly something as poisonous and hatefull as what I formulated. Why did I do it when I1m aware of it? ^_^ Because I'm Lutheran. ^_^ Will my wish be granted? I reformulated it this morning, but I doubt it will be fulfilled. It was ... great, though. It gave me something.

So, we went partying, and this time around something came loose. I have no idea what the hell happened, but I became something like a magnet. A gay magnet. If I tell you that I was kissed by five guys throught the night, one of them my very own friend (and that felt totally like incest, and not the cool book-like incest, but the weird and "this is off" kind), I might be forgeting people. Not like I mind, but the administration did. O_O Yep, at one point the manager came down from the VIP section and told me that if I was caught kissing a GUY again I would be escorted out and never again allowed in. To say I was flabbergasted would be an understatement. I just went on automatic with a smile on to cover my surprise and my frozen state. It is really something hard to process, so let me guess if I can work it out right, and really, if there is ANYONE who can help me understand, please, do so. First of all, yes, I know it is a gay bar and that's why I go there: because it is safe, because I am not the target of people. I am just human, not a sexual being that must display to get fucked, nor a warm body that can be fucked. I'm left alone. Yes, I was kissing... GAY GUYS! That doesn't even count, come on! I mean, I do love Iván, César... and all the others, but like friends, so that kissing is not sexual, is... friendly. Oh well, the first time, thanks to César, I thought it was, like it shouldn't really be going on, because he is gay, but then you fall into the cycle and, well, if they are doing it, why not? Feels good, it's fun... go at it. Then it comes the manager and berates ME. Oh, she had been watching me all night.

1. If she had indeed been watching all night, and not probably just when the hottest gay guy of the bar, who became the crush of the main Trasnsvestite, helped me off the stage and smooched the sugar out of me, she would have noticed that I was the one being kissed, not the other way around -- save for two cases... out of like 20! SO, why was I being berated and not the gay guys?

And this question just bring me to my next observation.

2. "I", the straight was the one berated for doing something everybody else was doing. Or is it that I'm supposed to check my heterosexuality at the door, pick it up when I leave? There's people kissing in there, but I can't do it... well, unless, of course, I kiss a girl, I guess, unless I can't even kiss a table because I've been already pegged as straight. And here comes the thing that upset me: I was and I am being discriminated for my sexual orientation. Ain't like I was making a scene or something. No, I was being kissed like many others were, but since it was an "intersexual" kissing, namely a kissing between people of different genders, I was considered an unsuitable behavior. Who the fuck cares who am I kissing or who kisses me? Isn't that between me and who kisses me? No, it's a management matter.

Needless to say, that ruined my mood. Each time one of those cute guys came to kiss me, starting by my neck (my dress is strapless), I had to turn them down with the same phrase: "The management has forbidden it." Poor guys looked at me surprised.

"You've got to be kidding me..."

I wasn't, and yes, the problem felt entirely about me being straight and "showing it off". I was a minority that had to be repressed, kept shut like a shameful secret. "Oh my! That deviant over there likes guys! Yuck!" The guys, sweet darlings came to dance with me and hugged me. They kept telling me how pretty I was and how good I kiss and that if they were straight they would date me. God bless their loving souls!

In the middle of my anger, as I was taking the resolution to never go back there again, since a place that can't accept me as I am, may not profit from my money, I stopped thinking that maybe this is the business. Gay people is being currently discriminated from most places for their sexual orientation. Yes, outside Babylon's WE are the ruling majority. Yes, they can't be as free as we are, kissing in public places, allowed to bestowe upong our loved ones all the tokens of affection we want. Straight people would hardly keep their sexuality a dark secret at work. We don't go around showing it off, as being straight is what's expected, nor must we hide when we are dating someone... unless there's something about the person itself that must be hidden. Yes, the straight world to which I belong outcasts gay people. Gay bars start to appear more and more around the world, and gay pride parades and stuff. Gay people must have found out by now that there's a lot of straight people who support them and wish them to live in the same conditions, with the same rights we do. There are lots of straight people supporting them in their fight to be allowed to get married and adopt children. We are not the enemy: close minded people is. Well, flash news: gay people can be close minded too.

It is childish to ban us because some of our places ban you. Don't you think that if we are in your bars and drink with you, help out your business with our money and bringing friends, then we are on your side? That we do not judge you? No. You can't take it against the straight people who might not like you, though none of them have come to thrash the bar, you mind, but you take it against those inside: your trapped prey. You are taking them against those who can become agents of positive change. Or is it that what you fear? How bad would it be for the business to suddenly have all bars open for all sexual tendencies? Imagine, people going to the cooler, more hipper places to dance and drink, where the sound system ACTUALLY works, there's a larger variety of drinks, the DJ's are actually prefessionals and the place doesn't look like about to fall into pieces. Yeah, if you don't keep your market trapped by this hideous discrimination, you will actually have to start doing something good. Hmmm... that would be so bad, right? That's when I decided to go back on my decision, and come back to the bar, never to kiss a guy in there again, no matter how hot César or Victor or whom ever looks like, but in return, be the mean little witch I am, and invite them over to my turf. There are plenty of places where Babylon is, so why not to be in both at the same time? Cool, bring your date, lets go goofy, check out hot het guys... and spend out money in the straight places. ^_^ And in there, I am the Queen of the Night, I am the one with the right to kiss and be kissed on my terms.

As a coup de grace, I will go back as soon as I get a shirt custom made with a symbolic phrase, a warning. ^_^ Who said I can't turn misfortune to my very own profit? ^_^ Watch and learn. This is not over. ^_^