Ladies and Gentlemen vs Women and Men

Disclaimer: This post has been inspired by a Psicoactiva Sensibilidad's post "De la Caballerosidad y las Damas", published on September 29th of this year.

The word "lady" seems to be something you are not "born" into but you have to "earn". Kind of like with "gentleman", I believe. The taking away, denying and bestowing of the word has also been used as a way to manipulate women. Being a "lady" is a desirable thing, but not all of us can be "ladies". So, what's the trick? Well, like many other "social labels", you can't achieve the label by yourself, but you have to wait for it to be given to you, and in the particular case of the "lady label", it seems it can really be given only by men. Or, if it is given by a woman or a group of women, men can revoque it. In other words, as long as men think you are a lady, you are a lady. The moment they cease to believe so, you are no longer a lady.

In case you wonder, the title of "gentleman" is also given by men, and even if women try to revoque it, as long as men keep it in place, the given man is a gentleman.

Now, though I know I'm going fast in here, jumping into the middle of the topic, cutting to the chase, lets take a moment to analize the patron seen here.

Lady - given by men (or some women)-revokable by men.
Gentlemen - given by men (or some women)-revokable by men.

If you, perhaps noticed, the concepts have a strong root in the patriarcal society. It primarily suits the needs of men, and if we delve into the content behind the concepts, we realize they are aimed to keep a given "world order", where women, these "ladies" take care of the house, and serve the men, while men take care of the business and offer protection to women. It is a social order, and actually there's nothing "wrong" with the concepts as they were born in a moment of history when that was the imposed "natural order of life". These concepts can quickly and basically be described as follow:

Lady: woman of certain age (not a child), quiet, obedient, helpful, guesses everybody's needs and attend them, sees for the sick, elderly, young and poor, charitable, generous, puts everybody's needs before hers, prone to self sacrifice, her husband and children are her first priority.

Gentlemen: strong, thoughtful, considerate, provider, calm, decision maker, protector. Stands for what's right, follows tradition, procures comfort to those weeker, recognizes and repects hierarchy, practices a humble behavior.

In a society were women are not allowed to participate in the productive activities, nor the political life, or any circle outside the house, this system keeps them all provided for, covered. However, what's the reality about these days? Men and women are equal, at least on the legal paper. Both can have the same preparation, go to the same schools, get the same classes, learn the same careers, get the same job, be promoted to the same positions. Both can vote and be elected. Both can enroll in the army, fight, handle guns, kill people. Women are still the only ones who can get pregnant, though, but those are biological details that shouldn't matter regarding what each can or can't do, what each are entitled to.

Through history, truth is that each time a man or a woman behaved in a way less than desirable, the titles of lady and gentleman were revoqued. In the particular case of women, if we were curious and wanted to learn, we weren't ladies. If we wanted to work, we weren't ladies, if we wanted to vote wew weren't ladies. If we had an opinion and voiced it, and Hyne forbid, it wasn't that of someone else, or it went against the opinion of others, we weren't ladies.

In my friend's blog, a long list of features are listed about what a "lady" should be, and honestly, many of them are demeaning. But has anyone checked the things about "gentlemen"? Because we are not the only ones. For instance, comes a man from work, tired like hell, barely keeping himself up, and yet he has to give his seat to some woman who's not as tired as him, just because she's a woman? I have been in situations were I'm not tired, and a visibly tired man stands up and offers me his seat. I've refused, insisted I'm not tired and will get off the bus soon and yet he stands rather than taking the seat that remains empty, while all men around me eye me as the "rebel little tough-girl who won't sit down".

I've come to the decision not wanting to be a lady. The label imposes too many useless, outdated concepts that do not apply to who I am, nor who I wanna be or become, or what I want from life. Truth is that I don't want to see any gentlemen either. Let's drop the labels, file them away along with those of knights and fair maidens, and lets simply be humans. Men and women equal, sensible to each other's needs, willing to give up a seat, open a door for those who are tired, who have worked hard, who pull themselves, their family up, to a better place. Lets respect merit, hard work, will, effort.

When will the world understand that the gender matters only for reproducing the species and nothing else?