What We Share

Last week I discovered that the movie AVATAR will be in Costa Rica's movie theatres by December 18th, which is not a bad thing, save that my flight departs the 18th, at 16:05, so there's no way in Hell I could watch the movie. Well, not like I'm such a big fan or anything, but the movie does tease my curiosity. The chances to see the movie on the plane are close to 0, and since it's a KLM flight and not an Air France one, the chances actually stay close to -100%. Yeah, KLM features movies like... well, like those movies you never heard about and if you did, I did everything in the world to avoid watching them, such as "Wall-E", "Juno" and any other thing that hardly reaches the PG rating. (Yes, I hate family movies.) In other words, KLM is one of the reasons why I'm so happy Nagi (my laptop) has a battery that stays alive for 2+ hours and that I've plenty of Supernatural downloaded in it. (Others are happy too, like the man sitting next to me in my flight back to Costa Rica this April, when he rather watched Nagi's screen discreetly, than watching the abhorrently boring movie KLM thought suitable to feature.)

Then, my curious brain posed a question: Is it possible I can watch AVATAR in Hungary? So I checked the movie schedules, and guess what? I can watch AVATAR in Hungary! Awesome! My plans actually include watching it the same day I arrive, which is totally doable (I hope), since there's a Friday's restaurant in the mall where I can see it in 3D. The question that arises then is: will Kari be up to it? Maybe he's tired or maybe he doesn't want to watch the movie. Well, I do, so I will. This then kind of got me thinking about relationships and the expected interaction within it.

As it happens, usually, for the couple to go anywhere there must be a consensus of some sort: you go to the movies to watch a movie only if the two of you decided to watch it, or one day the two of you go watch a movie you like and another day go watch a movie the other one likes. Same with everything. Either both of you agree into something or one day it's the day to please A and the other day the day to please B. But why should it be like that?

For instance, Kari loves African countries and all those wicked places that sound to me more like spices than locations. He wants to go to Mauritius, and Egypt, and... Timbuktu... I mean, what would I know, and you know when will I go there? On Neverday, that's when. I mean, I'll help him pack his luggage, and Hyne knows he'll need my help, make sure he has all he needs for the trip, take him to the airport, sit with him until the boarding moment arrives and wave him good-bye and then pick him up, listen to his stories, maybe even look at the pictures and pretend that's interesting, but I am not going, just like I would never pretend to drag Kari to go with me to some Jay-Z, Ja-Rule, X-Zibit, Snoop Dogg concert, or sit and watch a Dragon Ball Z movie, or Queer As Folk.

It is cool if the two of you share interests, such as The Gathering, Guns'n'Roses and Rammstein in our case, but if you don't, why do you have to force the other to "share" your likings? Why do you force yourself to suffer through the likings of the other? After all, just because you like your mate, it doesn't mean you have to like what she or he likes. I mean, he likes "halászlé" (a stinky Hungarian fish soup... totally disgusting) which I LOATH, and I like liver, which he can't even see in picture before turning into a full blown bullimic (no pun intended).

Then it extends. I was talking to Mom yesterday about chores and how Kari and I will cook together (I'll teach him to cook), but I won't be cooking. Mom said that though she knows I loath to do chores, I shouldn't place "the weight" on his shoulders, but rather do things because that makes him happy and hope he'll reciprocate. No ill intended, but I'm really not inclined to take such an advise for a woman whose husband wouldn't even swap up the coffee he spills on the counter. My approach here is "it's not MY duty, it's not YOUR duty, but it's what WE DO TOGETHER".

The thing is that I don't see why "being in a relationship" means that you have to accept to torture and be tortured. It doesn't make me happy to have someone wash my clothes, and I don't want to be with someone who gets happy because I cook for him. I don't want to give up the things I like and I don't want to impose them on anyone, not I want my boyfriend to give up the things that make him happy or trying to impose them on me. We might be together (well, we are) but each of us is still an individual, with individual likings and plans, and projects, so why to trample with them?

I wanna see AVATAR, but that's me, and I'll watch the movie, but if he doesn't want to, he won't. Plain and simple and it satisfies everybody. Why can't people see it this way?