The Time That Makes You Age

I thought it had been ages since I last wrote in my blog, but then I saw the dates and I realized it hasn't been so much time since the last time. So, why was I feeling like it had been a loooong time ago? (I haven't written in my personal, paper journal in real ages, yet that one doesn't feel like it's as neglected as this one.) I've been thinking about writing for a long time now, making this huge list of topics I could write about, such as politics, the result of the political debates in Costa Rica (which would have been a post in Spanish, and where I would simply say what everybody can see: Otto Guevara is a bully, someone without ideas that makes himself notice by attacking others and imposing himself over others the way a spoiled five year-old would: rising his voice and stomping over others, denying evidence and calling everybody liars. Laura Chinchilla is to fragil to be a President, and has blatantly said that she pretends to keep things going the way they have so far, laying about poverty indexes, environmental protection and security), abortion laws and how utterly hypocritical I see "pro-life" movements in this regard. I mean, sacrificing the life of the mother for the sake of an unwanted children? And what kind of life with that baby have? What protection after being born, when children get killed and abused and the prepetrators hardly get caught, and even if they do, they get a few years or a slap on the wrist? Put them in the system to give them in "adoption" when many of those kids end up on the streets stealing and now murdering as well? Then there was the topic, the eternal topic, of bullies, who harrass others about their appearance, the nosy people you can hardly shot off who constantly want to get their stupid noses in what's not their business, and the matter of people who's so emotionally poor that actually sacrifice feelings and love for an abusive Sugar Daddy.

These may sometime be topics to develop in here, but right now the topic is Time.

People often think of time as that hideous thing that makes them age, gives them gray hairs and wrinkles. Time turns the future into past and so it rushes taking away your chances, burdening you with debts in every aspect of your life. Financial debts you've taken to be able to buy this or that, opportunity debts because you were so busy doing this or that that you couldn't take the chance to travel more, enjoy more, learn more, get that degree, apply for that job, write that book, paint that picture, sculp that statue, compose that song, go to that concert, see that movie, meet that person, help those people, get a dog... Debt of peace because you were so busy worrying about everything, even things that weren't your responsability or yours to worry about, things that were out of your capabilities, that you couldn't change even if you wanted, and yet you worried as if you were the only one who could do something about it. Debt of emotion, because you didn't love enough, you didn't show it enough, you didn't hate enough, you never told that s.o.b. to fuck it and stick it up where the Sun shines. Debt of emotion because you were busy wasting your emotions and stupid things, senseless things and events, while you let go by the things that did matter. (Before I get the string of e-mails about how no emotion is a waste, I'm meaning here the case where you put all your hate and love into a friend's life, acquintances and you make it the center of your life, or you fall deep into a series or a band, and forget about the fact that your own life also needs emotional attention.) Debt of words never said, debt of things never listened at, debt of things never seen, debt of things never shown.

Time doesn't do this to you, but you do this to yourself. And so, as we collect bills of life debt for many things, all of them because we are too busy, we are too worried, we are eaten up by our own life, which we suffer instead of live, time, which does nothing but go happily on its merry way, seems cruel, whil the only cruel ones are us. We scramble our lives and make them unlivable, and as we busily collect all these debts, they collect on us, aging us, often before age. Have you noticed how married people often seem older than single people? Because they collect more life-debts. (Naturally happy, accepting couples age slower.) Rising the kids right, which for many often means to be over the kids and yell at them, engaging in jealousy games, debts, insecurities, how to make ends meet by the end of the month, pay bills... Appearance obsessed people also ages faster. They may put on every available cream of the market, be regulars at gyms and spas and have hard, lean bodies, but their hands, eyes, necks wouldn't lie: they become much older than what they really are.

Someone said: "Age is a matter of mind over matter: if you don't mind, it doesn't matter". I'd say age is age and it's stupid to carve off the years because your age doesn't make you old, but the way you live does. I've known people younger as me, and as much as ten years my juniors, who look at least six years my seniors, and I ain't a fresh spring flower! In this past days I have had too many things in my head, and since yesterday I've developped a nasty migraine (I'm going to the company's doctor, so don't worry), but as I sat down to write this entry I realized that it was as if I were trying to live two weeks in three days, and that's a great way to get a lot of life debt and age unnecesarily. So I learned an important lesson here and I wanted to share it with you all: don't allow yourselves to be overwhelmed, and find that slot of the day where you can get rid of your life debt, where you can smile and rest and feel like a million bucks.

Happy Monday to Everybody!