Violence Now?

Sunday papers include segments that retakes, and reprocesses topics of the week or the month that keep hanging in the air, and dedicates to them a bit more than the 500 words they usually get, arranged around big pictures and 50 word notes-in-a-box. One of the topics, not much developed, I found was this about the violence among children and teens, which pushes bullying to extremes never known before all the way to shooting classmates, teachers and principals.

An American expert was consulted, evident from the tone of the interviewer, for magical tips and solutions to fix the problem and enforce the preconceived ideas that lurked that dark, stupid head. Instead nothing concrete, nothing really important came out of it. It did made me think though, again starting from my theory of the self, about the root of this "newly developed violence in kids".

These kids... what's different in them or around them, from what it was for us? Back in our youth we were afraid of teachers and principals, played out in the street, watched TV... Saying that Today's kids live surrounded by more violence is not exact, as we grew up hearing about wars, guerrillas, Cold War and so on. History books were filled with presidents and heroes executed, kings and rebels beheaded and subjected to horrible tortures and deaths. As today's kids can learn how to make a molotov cocktail from youtube, we also had our sources to learn how to harm and kill, not to mention the classic, basic methods, of simply setting something on fire or beat it.

We got depressed, we did stupid things, so what changed? We had bullies in our time too, and as a matter of fact, recorded in novels, we also know that in prior generations kids used to play war by throwing stones at each other. So, if today's youth is exposed to as much violence as we were, what has made them react the way they do?

One thing that is different is the attention these kids get. Though the relationship and the attention that ultimately matters is the one that happens with the self, it is important to notice that children and teens have no firm definition and relationship developed with themselves, and though they need to learn it, as the notion of knowing and loving oneself do not come embedded with everyone. From birth to adulthood, children and teens learn the ways of life and humanity from their surroundings, sucking up everything like sponges. By adulthood the sponge is saturated, and thus it works with what it has.

Today's kids are often surrounded by adults that do not pay attention to them, teachers that do the job for the paycheck, not for vocation, who are eager to pass on the kids as soon as they can, and parents that consider them something short from an annoying expense to be controlled. Today's adults, and you can see that everywhere, even at the office, are addicted at placing guilt, pointing fingers, and are allergic at taking responsability. Today's adults fuck, have a kid and can't wait to put them on someone else's tab, but this tab isn't picked up by the teachers or principals or orientating/school shrinks because they are not there to raise the kids.

Parents "have so much to do" and are "so busy", and "life is not easy now and they have to work so hard" and all that crap, while teachers "are not the parents of the kid and they have to take care of other 200 kids as well". And so kids are suspended between the "grade giver" and the "food and shelter provider", but nowhere else to go. So they grow up on the TV and the Internet, finding ways to make friends, seeking love and aproval from whatever source they can get it. Lets be clear with something: kids do need guidance and aproval, since they are learning. We all do when we are learning not only to know what to do, but also if we are doing it right. However, when no wise, constant, trustworthy role model is available, the sources kids tap can be dubiuos.

I'm amazed when parents don't know their kids, and don't understand why they act the way they do. Honey, if you haven't been paying attention to them, if you haven't been there actively giving them what they need, who did you thought would fill the blanks? Faeries? I'm astonished when teachers can't believe who this or that kid went postal and can't explain why. Don't they have a class at the university about treating kids and reading the signs of troubled kids? Or the assigned school student shrink (whatever the name they give to it, we call it "Orientador")? Got the job for a political favor or capacity?

Today's kids are not a product of the Internet or the TV, and it is irresponsible to blame sources that can't defend themselves. Today's kids are the result of the adults around them.