Project for a Series of Posts

If you have spent sometime reading this blog (or any other blog written by me in the last... 8 years) you will realize that I NEVER, and I mean NEVER engage into thematic blogs. I write about everything and anything that comes to my mind, unlike many other blogs liked precisely because they are topic centered. Sometimes I think I should do something like that - thematic blogs, I mean -  because that would go well with my order-loving side, but it would be too boring and constraining for my general liking, and that wouldn't go well with my freedom-loving, and I-do-what-I-fucking-want-to side. Thus any blog I ever write (and trust me, I've written many and shed many) basically engage in the general online-journal style. Much bitching, much gossip (placed in the proper blogs, which is why I keep more than one! ^_~) and much give-a-piece-of-my-mind as the general tone.

In a way this opens a lot of doors and keeps many critics at bay - which I appreciate. As part of the pluses of this, any time I want I can come up with any topic I wish to develop or even work on a given circle of concepts for as long as I want without breaking the general voice of the blog. Society, politics, economics, working conditions and lately sexual behavior have been common elements I have developed, but never really considered making a "series" out of them. Inspired by some of the blogs I have read lately, I decided to do something I haven't really done so far: work out a series of posts, for which I'll make research. The topics that could be subject to this sort of series are many, and elements related with the Middle Age are not far from my plate - though seriously need some revising, for I won't just plung into a characterization of Charlemagne - but as I was paging through options, discarding some choices - there was a sex topic I thought about developing as a paralel series to that developed by a Costa Rican blogger - there was one that stuck to me: Religions.

Yes, you know what they say: there are three topics that should always be avoided in polite conversations: politics, football and religion. Politics is also on my plate, generously seasoned with economics, but a series of that would require more working out. Football isn't.

The inspiration for this series came from a really unusual source. I was surfing on the net while the TV was on (like when you finished some show you wanted to see and are waiting for the next you wanna see, and so far there's nothing good on, so you leave it on whatever until the appointed time) and some bridal show was on. I wouldn't willingly watch that crap, and from time to time I turned to look at the stupid female and her cohorts picking some overpriced white dress they would use only once - the day they stupidly stick their heads into the noose. I tell you, it's like Jackass, only it ruins lifes and costs a fucking lot. So anyways, loser after loser went by until there was this chick - another bridal sacrifice - that was wiccan. Yes, it happens, you know, people thinking they are witches and so on. Only she had a Jewish mother and a Catholic father. Now that got my attention. Sadly the show was about picking the dress, so I couldn't find out how did she ended up in a religion that's pretty much condemned by both her folks' religions. So this got me thinking about the topic, the matter of religions and how people relate to them. Also the question raised again about the importance of religion in life, the place of it and the prejudices that surround some.

As a Christian, brought up in the Christian society - though I was brought up Atheist - for long time the "normal" religion, and almost the only religion in town was Christianity. At school we were often mislead by teachers and priests even, to think that "other religions" meant Catholic, Baptist, Protestant, Methodist and such. The idea of a religion not involving Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit was such an alien thought as alcohol free whisky. In time the notion changed, though I'm certain there are many people out there that still believe that "religion" considers only "Christianity" and "Church" and any other thing is a "New Age Fashion thing". In this sense I decided to run a research - not too large, for this is just a personal blog, not an academic site on the matter - pick some religions of my interest to be examinated, and publish a series of posts on the matter.

Needless to say, it won't be a matter of "objective examination", as there wouldn't be any fun in objectively dissecting a religion, but rather to stare at it from my point of view and grasp it, get a taste of it and what can be attractive about it. Attractive from whatever perspective of mine or foreign I my choose, which discards the objetivity of the exercise ad portas. Won't be a guide to evaluate and select your religion, that's entirely up to you. It will simply be my take on them.

We shall see how it comes out, and if I like the process, then I guess I'll be probably plunging into other topics for serial-posting.

Sale Line Says "Gara Get it" Customer Says "Run for your Life!"

Yesterday I went out for lunch with two of my coworkers. I actually intended to go out with one of them, a good friend of mine, with whom I planned a private chat full of the most luscious details on topics that must remain strictly out of any record other than the fading memory cells. The third element trampled the plot, thus the talking went on other lines. This third element is a peculiar kind of individual, full of mess, talking even out of the elbows, elevated in "secrets" and esoteric/witchcraft things - far away from the actual witchcraft I have so profusely ducked into (through investigation!), thus strange for me - with an overbearing tendency to monopolize any kind of chat.

Now, before we go any further, allow me to place the characters into background kickoff. My trusted friend is a guy around my age, recently married and expecting his first child. Has a pleasing personality, proper of these generation's kids. Juggles around snipets of wisdom and propense to pseudo-philosophy. Like any guy of his "harvest" the topic of sex in it's many shades and notes occupy an important part of this interests. The third element is a woman at least 15 years older than us, separated, one son with populist tendencies, prone to partake in any sort of celebration and seeks to either make our of anything something extraordinaire or tell everybody about something extraordinaire. This doesn't make her a liar, but it's quite remarkable the force with which she pulls away from the plain.

The conversation somehow went tourning around gay people she has known, gay bars, gay habits, then a recount of her relationships that landed on the topic I despise the most: marriage&kids. Come on!

She was all about how much kids love her, how much she loves being with them, how she plays with them, blah, blah, blah. My friend - him in the treshold of fatherhood - asked her whether she wanted to have more kids. Well, of course she did, but life made it so that she missed her chance and thus she ended up only with one, and blah, blah, blah. I hope I had witnessed some of the inlayed hypocrisy my friend is growing a fame for, for I saw him glow at the topic. Fuck. A man wanting children, how perfectly horrid. It kinda cooled my intent to talk of any other topics with him, related with free spiriting and other ethereal elevations. Could it be he was seeking to plunge into the topic, drench in the pouring emotion of that woman, and cloak himself in it to live his next life-phase?

Their giggling and elated conversation couldn't be any more alien, any more disturbing for me. I don't want an explanation about what the fuck is good in marriage and children or any of these impositions alone. I have heard many sale-lines and I know they are all smoke and mirrors. It was kinda "unpleasant" to be asked AGAIN about my position on the matter to spit out "kids disgust me" and "I value my freedom too much to trade it for a false acceptation insurance". Sadly this won't be the last time I have to blurt out replies to this sort of moronic questioning. People simply don't want to aknowledge any alternative thinking or anything that doesn't agree with their little Disney Box.

However life itself proved to be just as acid and ironic as I am. That same day the strangest confessions were made to me by married people with kids. I have often heard the phrase "you stay single! I would if I were you", but I've never heard "kids put more strain on the relationship than you'd guess. They can actually take it apart". I have heard "I'm actually staying in this for the kids only", which I often consider bullshit, but I have never heard before "you are lucky. Kids are like chains that tie you to the father of them, whether you two are still together or not". There's the bond of paper (marriage) and the bond of blood (children). So on one hand we have the third element talking about how she can get into a fight with her son, but how much she loves kids, and selling the kids-are-delightful line to my friend, who is beyond eager for it, and on the other hand I have these acquintances and friends of mine, who regret ever getting into this. And though the stop short from wishing back the birth of their children -  some even make ammends, by praising them - and call the whole package a sort of inescapable life sentence that tortures away their life, their future, which can't be stopped, no matter what.

Freedom, independence are huge gifts, shall we really part from them?

Peeling back the Skin on Sex

Today I feel like lashing out. Be out there, broad and brutally honest. Plaster a smirk on my face and talk about the favorite topic of all times: Sex. Not like there isn't much left for discussion in the topic, nor like I would think I've such an important or ground breaking position to reveal that would mark a milestone in the history of sex as we know it. I'm sure, however, that everybody has at least one story or topic to develop that would raise eyebrows, halt breaths or tint cheeks. Those who don't, well, I'd advise them to live a little bit more.

Now, the topic of the day is not whether sex and love and love and sex are one or separate. If we take the overly stressed and not for it true stance that no real sex is possible without love, or whether we take the stance of sex and love are separate and you can have either of them with or without the others. Won't go into the social manifestation about sex, and how it is or is not proper, taboo or an act that should or shouldn't brand people who do it. You wanna read about that, learn Spanish, or practice it, and go read Carepicha's Blog. He certainly has much more patience to delve into the subject than I do.

So certainly the topic isn't where or when or with whom, but basically what and who. Place on the mask, focus while I take the scalpel and proceed with the live autopsy of the matter.

Most people would agree that one of the few, purest pleasures in life is sex. It's not like eating or drinking, where though it can be pleasurable, you often do it to avoid something unpleasant, such as hunger or thirst. Though indeed the lack of sex or sexual release could make you really uncomfortable - urban legends talk about men with blue balls and women who develop hysteria :-) - no one has really ever died for lack of sex. In this sense, sex is something people go for - extracting here any socially imposed idea or duty - out of the sheer want for it. You take sex for the pleasure of sex, not to avoid a certain type of discomfort or pain. From this point on, if we all agree on this, it should be clear that sex should be about the pursue of pleasure, of a sort of physical gratification that could bring also pleasure to other senses, to other levels, such as the emotional. I say could for it not necessarily needs to bring that type of satisfaction. However, as a thing pursued for the pleasure of it, it becomes contradictory if by the pursue of it one experiences any discomfort or suffering. Here I take out the suffering willingly experienced for the pleasure of it, a.k.a. masochist sex. In other words, though the emotional gratification isn't necessarily a byproduct of sex, if the act itself generates emotional suffering, where the fuck is the point of it?

Sex makes sense when people having it enjoy it, feel good about it and experience no suffering related with it. Due to the way we are all "wired up", this can't always be attained for several reasons, many of which can be traced back to socially imposed dogmas and criteria that  can effectively obstruct the capability of individuals to enjoy something that was mean exactly for that: to be enjoyed. Rationally approaching the subject, it amazes how much a thing is often regarded with shame. How many people can openly describe what they really like without blushing? It's as if the inner source of desire were some damp, murky place you don't want to go, nor should you invite anyone else. Well, you normally don't, but then if you step into the realm of one-nightstands, veils and masks fall and strangers request from one another the most basic favors. Touch, lick, put it in there, stand against the wall, hold it up, raise it, tie it down, show it, make it, let it see, look at it, feel it up.

The scope of it goes into a wider range than one would guess from porn tapes and daring R-rated movies and  series. Interestingly several things are not "hard core" all related to orgies, beatings, exhibitionism, voyeurism, and ass-fucking - as the popular imaginary loves to think - but to the most amazing, simple yet unthought matters. Then again, I guess there wouldn't be anything kinky enough about a guy who likes to lick the ankles of his partner while this gives him a blowjob, or a chick who likes a blowjob that includes fingers inside her pussy and her mouth. Desires are wide, and like any other need considered by social scientists - economists among them -  are unlimited. Theoretically, as long as you enjoy sex, and you get your desired fulfilled, and well fulfilled by a willing partner, there's no reason to fall into a rutine. Say you voice your desire to... get a handjob with a belt wrapped thightly around one of your thighs. Your partner is confident and tells you their desire to have sex with a vibrating ring. You might feel liberated to the think about something new, something simple, not necessarily something that outdoes the previous.

It doesn't now you'll come up with something new for every time, it means you can come up with something new whenever and you can get your desire fulfilled. It means that there's nothing wrong with a good old missionary position if you enjoy it. However the matter of enjoying sex isn't just about the position you choose, the foreplay - if any -  you engage into, or where your hands, mouth and other bodyparts land, but it's a matter of the people that take part of it. Whether alone, with someone else, or more than one other person. Whether younger or older, opposite sex or same sex - only, really, make it always HLLC: Human, Live, Legal and Consensual! - and in the end it doesn't really matter what you normally claim yourself to be, it's a matter of what provokes you. More often than not, people has been puzzled, if not downright attracted towards a given trait. It isn't unheard the case of friends who decide to experiment among each other - and this doesn't happen only in porn movies and x-rated books. It isn't unheard either the case of people attracted to someone way out of their "type" or usual range. 

Moral implications about the attraction or the actions are quite out of place. Unless harm is dealt, the attention being non consented - openly or not - there isn't a real reason to enjoy a given experience. It must be clear that not all sexual attraction case develops into a relationship, nor all of them reach actual "consumation" so to call it that way, but as long as it's enjoyable, as long as it renders pleasure, why should it be denied?

Sex remains as a murky, dark, shameful thing, provider of pleasure you don't really have to buy or compromise or give something in return for. Sex is one of those few things in life you can actually pull from the social grid, extrincate from the economical planes and just enjoy it when you find someone to enjoy it with, or more than one, or why the fuck not? something you can enjoy with the unconditional aid of your hand... or hands :-).

It's somewhat rough to talk about these things in this society... in any human society, but at the same time, lets rip away from those tangles and think about the fuck we are doing about fucking. It's just fucking, not the splitting of the atom. So the next time you've the perspective of getting some nookie, fuck society, fuck complexes, shame, prejudices and go for it.

Nihilist Statement - Society is the Boogieman

The most seducing things in life seem to be always those you can't get by any acceptable mean, any decent, presentable, proper unblemished way. The reason for this lies in the fact that satisfaction isn't really a socially desirable state. There were the Ancient Greek considered the restful state, the rutinary state proper of the gods, society finds that sated, happy people wouldn't move away from that state effectively staling the further development of  it as a whole. The sated state would move only to reproduce the same effect, soon detaching from social links as eventually the very individual, in its human capability to learn, would be able to reproduce the satifying cycle, and thus breaking the need for a cohesive grouping that allows controlled, accepted preying from ones over others.

That would mean the end of society as we know it. Indeed it seems - without any trace of a doubt - that society bids upon the constant unsatisfaction of the individuals as a sort of social glue as well as a social fuel to keep the pieces cohesive and working, one with the other pulled unnaturally together, generating all the while a wide arrange of needs designed such that would never be sated. A never ending source of cravings and demands that would be pleased only with products such of instant nature, of such swift gratification the feel of satisfaction never touches the senses. 

And so, a mankind shackled by the gut to the ever producing, ever demanding, ever complex, ever mangled and tangled society remains secured in the fatal, bruising cobweb of an unnatural collectivity. Impulses are demonized, instincts debased, curiosity mangled and creativity obscured. Human nature is replaced by a social schedule, a social contract, a program, an imposed commitment to which under the façade of ethics and morals and principles the soul is harnessed, abide to mould and bend into a disgraceful state of herd, pliant to the harsh commands of an invisible entity, pupet only to obscure individuals set aside by their own rotted guts, their hatred of the species they belong to, ravenous of blood and revenge upon the disgrace of their own abhorrent, deviant shape.

Thus is born the request for the nurture in every soul features such that render the human maleable. Such is born the desirability of obedience, of humbleness, quiet nature, acceptance, tolerance, normalcy, compliance, commitment, willingness to change, but only when that change is promoted by society itself, when it has been programmed, when it aids the dark pupetmasters and fits into plans of further enslaving of the collective will, the supressing of the individual mind.

The tools of society stop at nothing, know none of the limits otherwise imposed upon the individuals. No sense of fairness, no sense of honor, no sense of mercy, no sense of tolerance, no sense of good, no sense of decency, no sense of respect. Above all, the greatest of all hypocritical values imposed upon the human soul, no sense of respect. So what is this society, this collective body that demands for its proper functioning a great deal of respect from the individuals it strips of humanity and force them into lambs, while it, this huge, opressing body shows no respect in return? 

Not one individual can claim  to be fully loved, entirely accepted, perfectly fitted into society and thus respected by it. If it were to happen, such individual would find itself sated and from that moment on it would no longer shift and move fueling the obscure machinery of society. Respect in return is thus dangerous for the dinamics of the unnatural body, a body which despises its components the same way the dark, sick, decadent pupet masters despise their fellows and themselves.

As a mortal trap, slaves born from slaves into slavery, so are humans bred by social cells called families, born into the poisoned, self hating trap of society. A bundle of moving flesh infused with a whisper of inspiration, fire, unleashed intellect, chocked from early age  into the grip of the ogre, the boogieman, the monster that lives in the closet, the skeletons that will always chase you down. 

Who tells the child the monsters in the dark are all but one, the one into which they've been born? Who could then claim the lie of life being a gift? Who to claim suicide is a crime?

Society is the boogieman. Society is the monster and society is after you. Society is the one chasing the paranoid. Society is the one not leaving the schizophren alone. Society is the mass murderer, the mass torturer, the mass dictator, the mass hater. Takes and demands to strip. Mocks and demands obedience, compliance, acceptance, humbleness, detachment, willingness to self debasing, but above all, respect. That undeserved Respect.

*written as texture text for a wallpaper

How a Spartacus related to the Truth behind Relationships

Finally I've got my hands on a copy of "Spartacus: Blood and Sand". Not owned, mind you, but rented. My local blockbuster did pushed its luck with me on this matter, as it took it forever to secure me a copy, inspite the fact I specifically requested to be informed the moment the SOLE copy was available again (honestly, which self-respecting video renting joint keeps only one copy?). Two weeks of waiting to finally have it in my hands yesterday - even went as far as run to the store as soon as I was called - and at once watched the whole first CD. This, of course, explains why I'm so tired now, and sustain myself on coffee alone.

It's too early to give any comments or pass judgments over the series, as there are parts somewhat disappointing, parts that are good and... 9 unseen episodes. So far I can tell you that at least in the begining the poor acting is evident, the stiff and awkward lines are the norm, and the abundant crass language a resource abused to stamp a feel, an environment that better acting, directing and writing could better succeed in. But - and this is important -  our hero looks beautiful. Nice eyes, nice eyebrows. Evidently airbrushed ass, so I can't say anything about that.

Originally I was thinking about writing something on relationships - since it seems to be a topic on the go now -  but suddenly a series seemed more important to me. This series in particular, famed for its profuse blood spilling, and I tell you, it's like hosing with blood and throwing buckets of blood at the smallest sign. "Oh I cut my finger" and the garden sprinkler is full on. I'm not talking Kill Bill-like, or 300-like, I'm talking Saint Seiya like, where you thrust a sword into a guy's chest on the top of the Everst, and his blood covers the mountains and leaks to the Ocean. But then again, blood sells. The series is also famed for its profuse and uncovered sex scenes. It's advertised as an "all you can eat", no restrictions, slave-on-slave action, and yeah... sure.

So we have blood and sex - the first one in cartoonish amounts, the second in hard efforts to be presented as modern-society-shocking yet still stiff and gathered - and it sells while trying to push the attention away from the points where shortcomings are evident. Hell, the lines are bad, but look at all these worked out men running around in briefs! The plot is a little bit too stupid, and it's a sloppy second of many other series and movies, but don't pay attention to that! There's lots of sex! Look! We can even have slaves performing for the enjoyment of their masters and the masters' guests! Like ancient times porn!

This kind of pulled me back to the topic of relationships. (The Mind works in Mysterious Ways.)

The other day I was reading a post posted by this guy I read, and he was talking about this topic, much related with a line he has been developing on the subject, focusing on the social pressure, the behavioral patterns observed and the expectations. (So far a collection of 3 posts on condescending attitude towards hooking up, mutual satisfaction and the time to have sex in a relationship.) These topics, often a sort of taboo in "much more educated, polite circles" are also the topics that draw people. In a way to say it, these are topics that sell, such as the unrestricted blood shed, and the unrestricted outlashing of sex in a series. Why do they sell, because by being labeled as "unproper", "dirty", they arouse the imagination of people, and pull them towards a sense of different, higher pleasure. Topics are not new anymore, and in a way people kind of expect that - by walking into the taboo - they'll uncover something new, something that breaks the routine, that still has the power to astonish them. More than a revisiting of the old, dirty pleasures, there's a sort of hope to catch a new bit. At the same time, it's interesting how the attention still focuses on the same thing, on the taboo of hurting and killing as well as on the taboo of sex. People wouldn't go looking for a new way of entertainment by now exploring the developments of solar explotions.

I won't even delve into why 'sex&violence', but make a farfetched connection. On one hand we have the social requirement to have a relationship, a commited sexual relationship with a partner, that would make you fall into the "Social Schedule" in order to form a social cell - commonly known as "family" - in which you'll produce a given number of new elements - commonly known as "children" - to keep the well oiled social machine running. All elements or individuals, born into the "single" status, are systematically ushered into a series of "in a relationship" status, often pushed forcefully into, like two not matching pieces of a puzzle, by the muscle of society - this muscle commonly refered as "pier pressure" - seeking the production of new elements, and hammering them into line. Though in some societies the kind of relationship pressed forward is marriage, others settle for at least  common law marriage, partnerships and so on.

Once the elements are steered into this status, the hammering towards the production increases.  This, however, due to the profuse set of programs and rules related to the status, tend to difficult the sustainability of the pairing. Obligations, adjusting, jealousy, commitment, expectations, dos-and-don'ts and so on, could easily push the individuals out of the social lock, back into the untamed "single" status. Thus, aside from the social bullying consisting on the taunting of the single, the name-calling and the debasing, bits and pieces are pulled into attention from relationships - here mainly the sex - in order to sell it and keep people "in schedule". Push forward the "fact" that you need a partner to have sex (debase those who have sex without a fix parner, in the meantime), and also, well, that you can't cheat if you don't have someone to "cheat on". In the end, exactly like with the series, the package of the relationship is sold world wide through sex, throwing in a few "beaten into shape" complimentary concepts such as trust, love, being aproved of, never again being alone (which you must avoid or you'll be a loser and get depressed and die of sadness and bitterness), self esteem boost because finally someone saw something worthy in you (your own appreciation of yourself, of course doesn't count, because you are not objective about yourself, so you don't really know how worthy you are and besides, what do you think of yourself?) among other similar minor goodies, usually aimed at the "sensible" market composed by women - because they fall for that kind of corny, mushy shit - though truth is this is what you sell women, because they can't openly admit to love sex, so you have to push in the excuse for them to fall, as a matter of fact, for the same selling propaganda (sex).

Okay, this is all nice and good, but technically - if you REALLY don't give a flying fuck about social expectations and social bullying - you can get all that and still avoid the relationships. The "Social Schedule" and social muscle will keep your mind away from this insurgent idea. One thing the social program can't really keep out is the notorious contradiction happening here. On one hand we are told that relationships are not only about sex, but relationships as sold through sex. If they are not only about sex, why are they not actually sold through any other of their attributes?

As a consequence of this move, people often step into a relationship moved by the sex, and then find themselves holding a bundle of complications they can't even mention, and stand there -  often feeling desolated and more alone than ever - trying to figure out what is what and is that supposed to be that way. You look around trying to find help or clues to solve this thing, but everything points you again towards sex ("Are things going bad? Change your sexual position! Have sex in an unsual place! Go on vacation and have sex in a strange bed!"), or towards obscure elements and advises that basically are resumed in "suck it up". Sex is easy, it's pleasurable and just like booze, it can momentarily take your mind off other things. And if there's no mood for sex - because of all the other things - blame it on the shitty sexlife, and thus you are back to the one root you are allowed to attack: sex.

But what other matters actually enter the whole relationship package? Well, for instance the bringing into the relationship of all your other relationships (family, friends, pets, coworkers, so on), the managing of personal interests, personal time, managing of temperament differences - simple acceptance and behavioral modification are not acceptable to my standards as I believe no one should give up him or herself for anyone else - management of ideologies, management of individual and cojoint plans for the future, management of dreams and ambitions, handling of believes and habits, managing of the concept of relationship itself, handling of the rules of the relationship, management of the emotions and what goes in and what goes out, and well, the actual content of the relationship itself, whether it becomes a co-ownership of each partner, whether it is acceptable to keep up a friendship relationship with the counterpart, and how much the sexual element must be tied to all the "extra goodies" sold in the package. Does sex actually mean love, or can you keep loving your partner when he or she doesn't provoke any sexual attraction in you? And what is actually this love thing? Is it absolutely necesary in a relationship? Are its mutations - organic or externally induced - detrimental to it still being love, or are these acceptable? Is the developing of the same sort of emotion, called love, for someone else, necesarily mean the termination of the ongoing relationship? Is love an emotion attached to one person each time, just as one body can occupy only one space?

Then, what is really heartbreak? A broken heart really stays broken or does it regenerate to end up as good as new? How much must be endured in a relationship? Shall anything actually be endured in a relationship? Is it possible for two or more people with different views and different concepts of life get into a relationship without compromising necessarily the integrity of their views and concepts, or must necesarily be sacrificed until the prevailence of only one?

What is a "functional relationship" anyways and do we actually want one of those?

Yes, I know, though questions, and these are only the tip of the iceberg. Socially these are conveniently solved with "these you must talk with your partner about and get to an agreement", and "no relationship can fructify without a lot of compromise from both parts", which, as you've noticed, actually gives you no reply to your concerns. The concept continues in sale. Go for it, go for sex and you'll be successful, loved and worthy. If something is off, remember "improve your sexlife", "talk it over" and "both of you need to commit to it to make it work". Fix a smile on your face and swallow the mess in your hands. Smoke screen. Men in briefs, and pretty eyes, profuse shallow sex and buckets of blood to ignore the fundamental flaws in the construction. Sex and hazy advise to take your eyes from the fact that the social structure of a relationship is failed.

So what are you gonna do? Suck it up and adjust to a diminished satisfaction, focus on sex and ignore the rest, or kick it up, go single and make your own?

Seeking Hades

When we were children, my Mom used to read us all kinds of books for bedtime. Of course, after we learned to read, my Mom decided not to read to us anymore in Spanish, but only in Hungarian. Tales morphed into novels where we had a chapter or two per night, depending on how tired she was and how much brother and I managed to plead. Among the books read to us, was one of Greek Mythology, most of which has obscured since in my memory. Definitively need to revisit the old books. In this book there was the description of Hades, the realm of the death, past the Styx river. (You can also find other references where the river that takes you to Hades is not vene a river, but a lake known as the Akherousian lake, or that there are riverS, the Styx, the Kokytos and the Pyriphlegethon.) I remember a description of a dark, murky place of eternal suffering, where fruits grew on trees, water flowed around, yet souls suffered of thirst and hunger for when they tried to reach these, the fruit and the water would pull away from them, always out of reach. Indeed what could be more horrific than trying to reach for something that you'll never reach? Like the story of king Sisyphus - also from Greek mythology - condemned to roll a huge rock or boulder up the hill only to have it roll off when reached the top, and have to start all over again.

It gives you a sense of unsatisfaction, of no closure, no purpose to your actions, no result to your efforts.

Centuries later, it is intriguing - to call it in a beautiful way -  if not downright abhorrent - to call it my way - how the Hadesian way is the way sought in life for those self-proclaimed "successful". Words like "enough" are seen as a sign of weakness, a flaw of character, and a pseudo-philosophy abundantly supported by baseless self-help and guru-books keeps preeching the discourse of always wanting more. The idea is sold to people that they should basically never be satisfied with what they have, that finding a point of satisfaction, being sated equals stagnating, and this stagnation is bad. I can't help smiling as I remember my lessons on classical philosophy, where the great classical philosophers considered motion proper of imperfect bodies, while still bodies, or bodies in a routine movement were perfect. And I could get that: if they are in a perfect state, where should or could they go that would improve their state?

Modern positions feed on the shortcomings of people, most of them product of the instant-gratification culture that leaves no room and no time to get things properly done. The patterns of consume have changed into buying not what you need - really need - but the things imposed to you as needed for you to get accepted. If you need transportation, do not choose the public transportation, buy a car, but not any car, buy a top nocht car, of the year, from the brand dealer. If you have a car, you can't have the same car all your life, you must upgrade it! You don't need one pair of shoes, even if you have one pair of feet, you need hundreds of pairs of shoes! Whatever you do, wherever you go, you must buy, buy, buy. There's no enough in the whole equation, it's just a matter of more and more and more. And when you need to get rid of the stuff cluttering your space, you must buy the things and hire the people to do so.

In a world of no second thoughts, no time to think things over - because "the successful take important decisions in seconds" - of endless processes that bring you nowhere, the gurus - the new oracles of the masses - urge the people towards dissatisfaction in order to attain the one thing they are trying to reach: satisfaction.

Burn bridges, cast away everything that makes you comfortable, leave the company and start your own business - give a damn about the risk - follow dreams regardless of their potential to be realized, but follow them by ripping away the safety net - that holds you down -  and jump into the void, into the empty, into the unseen, into Hades because that's the way sucessful people do it. Never say never, always set a higher and higher goal to reach and beware of the day you feel you've achieved everything you wanted, because that's the day you lose, you become stagnant and die.

Through history many crass mistakes have been commited, many false ideas promulgated and loads of damage have been dealt. Aristoteles considered slavery natural and said there where people who where born slaves by nature. In the Middle Ages it was said that no Heaven or salvation could be attained without copious suffering and denial in life. Today we are told that there's no success without the constant denial of satisfaction.

Like a hamster in a wheel, you can be successful, but where's your success when you must keep running the mill, pushing and pushing all the way into the grave. When are you allowed to enjoy? To feel sated? If you can't ever be satisfied with what you have or else you'll be considered a failure, can you be satisfied with your family? Are the achievements of your kids good enough for you or must you push them endlessly in order to avoid stagnating them? Is your espouse enough for you or does your need for success force you to replace him or her by a newer model or a richer model or a piece with more political pull? Is sex as you have it enough for you or your need to avoid failure requieres your do drown in more and more bizare combinations? Or is it that the only satisfaction you can aspire to lies at the end of your arm and you must feel guilty everytime you try it?

Society has indeed a sick tendency towards steering people always to self-punishing paths, where all happiness is systematically denied and demonized, derailed and rottened into exagerated ways that show it as the root of evil and distress. Like denying the goodness of fruit by presenting them as inevitably rotten. Kept in ignorance, condemning the search of knowledge, locking things under the padlocks of taboo, people are stripped to a shivering, frightened herd, told they are lambs and need a master, a pastor to keep them from the wolf. The stray human, like the free thinking woman in the times of the Saint Inquisition, are labeled as witch, as warlock, as wolf and set as an example of failure, of evil, or consequece of falling off the path of sacrifice and suffering chosen for the flock.

Now we are not presumed to mix beverages and entone encantations and spells, we are called stagnant and losers. These are the new witches: the "retrogrades", the ones that sit and savour their "first victory" and feel satisfied with it. The ones that are not visionaries.

In 35 years of living so far, I have seen these visionaries trample over the "settling" over the "limited" who picked the less glamorous path, picked a feasable goal, followed it and got it, I have seen them mock them, call them names, telling jokes like "do you think $10,000 is a lot of money? Because if you do that means you'll never have them"*, not getting the point of standing of the settler. Years later they have gone to Hades and back, rigged, aged, worn, used, with swinging principles, moral values that change more than stocks during the economical crisis.

Some have turned around - not facing their earlier statements - and want what we failures have, and call us lucky bastards who certainly have the friends to pull such positions. Others stay in denial. Have never met one of these visionaires that would have turned into the next Bill Gates, or at least Bernie Madoff.

I can't say many of us "failures" didn't have a push in the right direction by the right people, but we represent a "school of thinking" - so to call it -  that states, that things come in their right time, you gara learn to walk before you run, but above all, you must set yourself a goal you can reach, have the plan or map to reach it and work for it. And when you get it, you know what? Enjoy it. Be happy. If you would like to follow another goal, go ahead, but staying and enjoying your goal - if it can be permanently enjoyed - if it truly fulfills you is not a crime, it's the price for your effort.

* Once upon a time a lover I had asked me if I thought $10,000 were a lot of money or nor. I didn't know the catch then, but I answered "it depends, what's the context?". Annoyed because I didn't give him an answer he could process for this diagnosis, he repeated the question. I refused to answer telling him that it depended if it was the price of something, if it was an income and what for. He had no choice than explaining me the point of it, and when he asked me again, I replied "it depends". 

It's not the first psyche-game I fuck up. I also fucked the half empty-half full thing. This time with a psychologue. She filled a glass to the half and asked me to tell her the state of the glass. I said "it's to the half". She asked me if I meant half empty or half full. I said both and then she said something encouraging like I was a very creative person who would always have problems of communication with others because I refuse to fall in line with the rest. Oh goodie. BTW, "very creative" in psychologue language doesn't mean you are very creative, it means you are a problem because you dared to come up with an answer they haven't previously considered and now you will force them to actually work.

Milestone or Excuse

So here's the day of the Love, St. Valentine's Day, another day stores across the globe have been waiting to sell their thematic gifts, this time everything in red and heart shaped, with plenty of white feathers and little Cupid wings. Mugs and teddy bears and sweaters you'll have to hide somewhere deep in your closet tomorrow and for the rest of the year, or stash it in a box/chest/hamper under the pretext of safekeeping, while the truth is you really don't want to be caught any other day of the year with some corny shit like that. Not like stores or commerce in general care, they only want to receive their share of monetary love the business is all about.

However, the thing is that St. Valentine's day, as silly as it sounds, is a day that has managed to leak into people's lives to represent something. For some, like Smurf, it's an opportunity to state their dislike towards the overly consumist way society has to celebrate and express things. Indeed, it's like gifts and money spending are the one accepted way to show love. For the single is a day to celebrate friendship, love in general and their unique capability to fuck, enjoy and keep their freedom - love unattached. For some singles it's the day they are entitled to be depressed because they have no one to celebrate it with. Then there's the case of couples.

For the freshies and the corny, it's the day to celebrate their love with some sort of program they save for all year long, exchange presents that go from the Bible themed tchotchkes for the Tea Party supporters to sleezy sexy underwear and furry handcuffs for the sex-centered. Maybe a trip to some place, like a mini-honeymoon or something of the sort.

For the more seasoned it's a special dinner or some flowers, a new shirt, some chocolates, an iPod... you name it. However, St. Valentine's a bit more than celebration, it's a marker in relationships. It can be used by one of the partners to test the other about remembering "special dates", or as an excuse to get something out of the other: money, gifts, trips, attention... and by being the "day of Love" it's rather hard to put an excuse on that, unless you are my friend Smurf, who has sent ahead the excuse. This marker works also for many to measure the state of the relationship, or well as a date that marks the decisive point to break up. Strange but true, just take a look around.

Though Christmas and birthdays are big days before which people break up, so that they can save - at least - the investment on the gift, St. Valentine also has it's loaded meaning. It's not only breaking up before and saving yourself the trouble and expense of finding and buying the freaking present, but when to break up. Right before or even right after are considered by the believers-in-love-and-relationships as a sign of being cold hearted. Before means you condemn the other to spend a lonely St. Valentine's Day. After means you were planning it ahead and the celebration was a charade. And still, on a day dedicated to Love and the celebration of it, many people find themselves thinking about it, and where their relationship is going. People hardly sit down and think on Halloween about their relationship, but St. Valentine's have that thing about pushing the thought of love forward and making you make a stop and think - really think - whether things are really okay and whether it is what you are looking for.

Are you happy taking the bullshit? Can you really keep up with that attitude? Is it a relationship when your partner is always ditching your, pulling out of all your common plans in order to spend all their time with their friends? Is it a relationship when you hardly hear from them, and when you do is from third parties telling you how they've seen them party hard with others, or because you found a recent picture of them being all goofy, close and personal with their "friends"? Is it a relationship you want to be in when their friends get more smiles, more time, more love than you do? Does it worth it when you are the one pulling the cart alone and when you dare to mention it, you are the one chastized and recriminated for "not commiting into the relationship"? Does it worth it when you get mixed signals? Does it worth it when you invest your soul into it and the other side simply plays and it turns out they've been fooling around with others, maybe even dating, maybe they are going to get married and after you two shared the bed, warm kisses and lovely words they rub your head and say "come on, you know you are my best friend!"? (For the record, through my solid 10 years of hardcore singleness, I've always stated before hand I wasn't going past the fuck and the friendship, so no emotional damage can be written off on me tab.)

So yes, St. Valentine's is a strongly commercialized celebration, like any celebration in the planet, and that includes the SuperBowl, thank you very much, but for you it's commercial if you take it that way. If you are not too icky with handmade stuff, you can make your own cards, or make your own presents, or bake some brownies! Not all presents need to be bought and some, like spending some time together, doesn't even mean you have to turn to arts & crafts. Add to it, think about it, if you strip the commercial or gifty side of the day, it is really a moment to evaluate where are you in your life - love life wise -  and take some decisions.

A little bit of A lot

It's Sunday already, Sunday morning, and I woke up with a sore throat that sent my plans to go walking with my friend Alix, down the sewer. I think I'm coming down with some sort of flu. Oh goodie. Alix sent me an SMS at some unholy hour of the day (like 6:30 or something) that she can't go walking today because she's out of town - namely at the Capital City. Damned, what does anyone do at that hour on a Sunday there? Preparing for mass or something? Who knows, I'm a Lutheran and have no idea about the strange rituals our Catholic siblings keep. I would try and convert Alix to the more-reasonable, less-ritualistic Lutheran faith, but religions deeply engrained in the family are hard to extirpate.

Anyway, if it would have been only because Alix can go walking with me, that wouldn't have stopped me, as I still can walk by my own (learned that trick with I was a baby), but the morning was windy and the throat was "the hell I'm going anywhere near that!". Throat won, specially since I know how nasty can it be. So, condemned to spend these 24 hours at home - in hopes for it to subside some so tomorrow I can go to work without that much hassle - I'll occupy myself with in-house amusement, which basically means penpaling, reading and watching TV. The Internet is kinda losing interest for me, as even though I've the FB again, and I tweet - though that I can do from the phone too - the caleidoscopic nature of the www has not enough substance for me these days. Long texts are boring to read - unlike think books - and short texts are, well, short. All bits seem so disconected, an array of dislodged stuff, like a bag full of limbs, but no whole person anywhere.

I've a request from this German girl to become penpals. Yep, another German girl. I must have some secret magnetic power to alway pull my way the german-speaking crew. ^_^ Not that I mind, but it gets me thinking whether mainly the German and the Austrian are the ones keeping the art of words-on-paper. That or my profile really appeals to the German, which is also nice. ^_^ I'd love to add her to my friends, but as I look over my desk to the neat pile of "letters to answer" I'm thinking whether I can actually afford yet another penpal. I'll think about that.

This week, aside from some "great revelations" and "great confirmations", things got ahead. Well, maybe not with the thesis - the ball is now on the court of the tutor and we know how he usually holds his line, and we are the ones making moves to intercept it and push for the 1st&10 like crazy. A coworkers of mine, and former classmate at the university, will get married next Saturday. Damned. 

Can't really understand those who follow that path. Another coworker of mine got married last year and now they are expecting their first kid. Now this one is poking his head into the noose, and chances are others will follow their dreadful example. Is it something in the air? Is it a malignant social pressure - peer pressure - pushing people to do stupid crap, like when you are young and your friends tease you until your get drunk or stoned even when you don't want to? Oh well, we all were then pushed into the social ritual of sacrifice for the one to be soon sacrified: we sort of threw an office party and got the noosed an armful of kitchen appliances - small stuff - to furnish up his cell home.

St. Valentine's day is near. It's tomorrow, actually, and people are preparing with yet another round of crazy shopping for lots of crap nobody really needs and even ugly gifts fitted only to decorate the bottom of the waste basket. Some people, like Smurf, faithful to their "spend no money on gifts" philosophy, declare over every cyber-mean available, and proclaim openly to the unattending crowd that they won't give a dime, they don't believe in that, and "love is celebrated everyday". Kinda weird, but it happens. Others, make a purpose to clutter all of your communications means (e-mail, twitter, facebook, phone) with prefab messages, in what seems much like a mass-message where your name or your number was added simply as part of the group they want to greet. You are part of "friends" or "coworkers" or whatever other name people have to label you as part of a crew. Some are meaningful. Yes, they are, but how many are like that?

So is St. Valentine's day a purely commercial day, or a day to remember something, a moment in a year to stop and think about the value of love in all its colors, depends on what people what to see in it, and of course, on what people want to celebrate in it.

Real Life Investigation

There are many things I love about my job, but something I enjoy like you have no idea, is when you do research. Sure, there's not-fun-research like when you have to tap uncooperating targets that won't even help you actually wrap around the topic, but there are others where the information is available, like public documents and so. Not everybody likes to do this, but I love it, and thus I was exhilarated when my latest assignment entailed following leads. Well, it was desired we would do some lead-following, but I took it to heart and tried to clear up as much as possible. In the end my effort was rewarded greatly as many things got explained and others opened doors to further inoperancies.

A coworker of mine was assigned as well to the project, and to my dismay, she didn't seem to look forward to this kind of research. How could that be?

Back in the days when I was in University, we used to hit the major data-gathering institutions for the information we needed for our homeworks and team projects. Places such as the Central Bank (similar to the Fed), the National Institute of Statistics and Census, the General Controller of the Republic, several service regulators and industrial cameras for information. Sometimes we even visited the companies and institutions we were researching from information, such as the time we visited on several occasions the Oil Refinery. At first we didn't get much of the structure of the information, but by pressing our noses to the ledgers we slowly got the hang of it, and the working of the different institutions and companies became transparent for us. Also, getting information, gathering data was tied to legwork. Perhaps it had something to do the fact that the Internet was still quite new, and public institutions usually drag last in the embracing of the technology, but for us the information we could get online was just a scrap very poor to get out researches done.

For me, going back to one of these places was like walking into a memory. The days when I was dressed always in jeans, sneakers and big tees, when I didn't wear make-up at all and cut my own hair. My friends and classmates were my team, and all of us worked equally hard for the paper we had to do. Leaning over the heavy documents, having them xeroxed only to keep scrutinizing them, turning words and figures over and over to get to the root of things.

My coworker, from a much fresher generation, stepped now for the first time into one of these places - due to this work - and was shocked at the experience. No digital copies, only heavy paper ledgers bounded in cardboard and screw contraptions her modern vision of the world never knew. She decided not to come back ever again.

The world has, indeed, been evolving and with it the appreciation of it and the way people grasp it. The information, the real and complete information is supposed to be on the net, not out of it, and it seems that the information you find on it is - and should be! -  enough. But is it?

The world turns slowly to the minimum effort, to the cybernetic media, and the shallow, fleeting things clutter the space. The pile up, pretend to be things, but are only that: a pretention. Things simply try to "look like" what they should be, but they are not, and no one seems to care to make sure they are what they intend to be. After all, everybody lives in the mediocre-philosophy, and are too busy reading 500 e-mails a day, four e-magazines and 20 e-news. You are busy tweeting, updating your facebook, reading blogs, so you can't really follow up, verify the veracity of the information you receive, but expect it to be right, or to someone to take responsability if it is not. And besides, if it's not real, you won't need it in five minutes, so it doesn't matter if it's wrong.

This is how the most abhorrent mistakes and omisions happen, things that wouldn't happen if people actually did the legwork, did their job, did checked the information. So, in the end, could it be that - in the name of commodity -  the world is willing to accept a deep plung in quality?

No legwork, the Internet is just enough... but not for me.

New Routines

Allow me to start by pouring myself a big glass of chilled cas drink, straight from the fridge. Boy, I feel like having pizza, and maybe some delicious Canadian, with onion and green pepper and bacon, or manybe a Brazilian, as I'm getting the hang of the lemon on my pizza, and damned if I miss the delicious Dallas pizza from Hungary, though there's nothing like the meatlover, for those of us with hot, red blood running in our pipes. Tomorrow will be quite an important day, as I've my monthly appointment with my dentist, or how I like to call it "The day to make my smile even prettier", work also has its usual things, nothing out of the ordinary, if you ask me, but the "thing" started this weekend.

Yes, it is SuperBowl weekend, thanks for noticing it, but instead of going with the crew to some sportsbar, I think I'll watch the game from home, in my new bedroom. No, I didn't move from the house, I moved to a new bedroom, since there were a few electrical connection problems with the old one (the TV kept failing on me).

My new bedroom used to be actually my brother's bedroom when he lived here with his wife. Back then it was cluttered and cramped to capacity. The only place you could move was on the bed, and that considering that it's the biggest room in the house. My old room was on the other end of the house, much smaller (though not the smaller room) and very, very liuminated. Of course big mirror doors on the biggest closet of the house made the whole thing look bigger. After my brother & Family moved out, the room was something like a guestroom/Internet room, where my folks went to use the internet.

The room is dark and has a poor distribution, the closet is small and is poorly distributed (I didn't design the inside), so I never considered it for moving, until Kari. You see, my original bed is a narrow, low bed, perfect for one person, but impossible for two, so when Kari came to visit the first time - and everytime since then - we've had to take that room to stay together. Sure, it's nice not to be sleeping right next to my folks, but the hassle for me to have him here, but my stuff in another part of the house, was getting to my nerves, not to mention not having things arranged my way. So, after months and months of evaluating the options, and then having the power failure, I did the move. It was freaking tiresome and I haven't passed all of my things yet! Damned, I've A LOT of clothes.

This was something I had been thinking about for quite some months already, but it wasn't until now that I finally did it. Isn't bad, but still feels like weird. I'm quite used to moving furniture around myself, but this time my mom, my dad and my brother helped me move, and that felt awesome. It wasn't so good that even though I measured the room before moving it, my original planning couldn't be delievered, and the furniture seem to have grown or the room got shorter, so I was one foot short on my original planning, however I managed to set everything quite to my liking.

So today I woke up with a smaller closet, a smaller desk and a larger bed. Like is strange that way. Made me wonder though, what will happen when I move home. There the closet WILL BE smaller and the desk EVEN SMALLER. Oh well, time to think about downsizing. It's still not entirely Me, but things hardly get soaked in the personality of the new inhabitant so fast, so I'll give us time.

However the room hasn't been the only change.

On Friday my friend Alix and I went out to chat and talk stuff and so. We went to a nice joint close to where we live (closer to her place than mine) where we basically went over every single important topic on life, showed support towards each other - like only friends came -  and among all those things we realized we are both having bloodpressure problems - nothing major, but it's about time we start taking care of it. So out of the blue, I found myself suddenly proposing to go walking an hour in the morning the next day. And we did. It was so good, I told her we should do it today too, and so at 8 am I was ringing her up from the door.

I know it's not aerobics, or a gym routine, but it's something we can do to push our health back into shape. It's nice, inexpensive and anyone can do it. Together we go out and spend the whole time talking, sharing thoughts and experiences about everything.

This is a change in our routine, and well, I've changed more than that, but along with the cas drink instead of coke (on the weekends!) and the room, this weekend excersize, aside from the aid to the health, I think could bring something to both our lives. It never ceases to amaze me how onw small action can have so many consequences to your live and the lives of others. Now, if you'll allow me, I'll go orther that pizza.