Dozing on the Grass

My thoughts about today's post changed in a moment, suddenly, when sitting at Mama's garden after a hearty lunch, I felt like laying down on the grass and doze a little. The memories of those days of University came to me, as we used to throw ourselves down to the grass, tuck our backpacks behind our heads and sleep under the trees and the sky, over the soft green grassblades. It turns out that dozing on the grass, or simply laying there, looking at the huge sky, the feeling of freedom and wonderment is the same. The sky stops being the blue ceiling above us, which we hardly see, if not to check for rain. As you stare at the big blue, the feeling of depth overwhelms you: it's not a flat blue thing, but a deep, deep blue that could suck you up.

Thoughts cascaded down remembering those carefree days full of academic issues and search of knowledge, not a chase for career, connections and political considerations. I found myself missing those fashion free days, when actual fashionable pieces were laughable. All you needed were a t-shirt and some jeans, and that was that. No brands, no big names, no tailored nothing. Wearing the same jeans everyday was normal, and a worn, old t-shirt with no brand on it was the standard. There was something liberating in the fraying pants and the t-shirt that had been stretched so much through the years it now reached bast your ass.

This all wasn't about being a rebel, but about taking ourselves and our commitment seriously. It wasn't about a getting a big car, it was about avoiding the shallow, phony world of empty promises and marketing, away from all you didn't need, and sticking to your believes and your true needs. You didn't need closets full of clothes, just a pair of jeans, a top and some flip-flops or some old snickers. You didn't need leather bags, a worn, old backpack does the job. You don't need to spend millions in new edition books or new books by gurus with shiny covers and lots of advertisement, as all you need is there for free at the  library. No need for expensive notepads and exclusive pens, as any pencil and a couple of pages - even used pages you can still write on on the other side - also make the trick.

What happened to us? We started working, we've got into the corporative world where looks are all, where you don't get the job in your jeans and your rasta hair, or braids and flowers in your hair, where you must lose the peace sign, the Che Guevara t-shirt and your handmade thread bracelets. It doesn't help that you have to become shallow, be political and maneuver more through contacts and favors, hipocrisy and cocktails than through actual knowledge. Where the college kid in us? Where does that person go, and their dreams, hopes and convictions?

I want to believe, that person in there, somewhere, and I want to find it, bring it back to life and make those dreams come true. Because those dreams deserved a shot, where honest and were good.