Those Mildly Toxic Exchanges

Sadly, it happens that we have sometimes some conversations, topics or just a general "area" where things get complicated with people we love. This may happen to you often or seldom, or might even be a thing that just appears one, or just in a season or it might be "just that one topic", where those you usually relay on seem to turn against you. A wall comes between you and them and the communications - otherwise warm and fluent - goes up in smoke.

When you have a strong personality, a strong sense of self, a strong sense of purpose or otherwise a very determinated person, this can hit you very hard, particularly if the wall raises up against something you think it's fundamental to you, it's a milestone or a goal of yours. 

It can be nearly devastating when you were counting on the support of a person or a group and you feel like they turn against you out of the blue, or just leave you hanging. I think the biggest part of the blow is the fact that you have not expected that sort of reaction from them, and it has left you open and vulnerable. Pain can come also from the particular feeling that you have been betrayed. Things as simple as those cases when someone or a group have been nudging you or encouraging you to do something, start something, engage in something - or leave a situation, change your habits, maybe even fight an addiction or a destructive attitude or activity - and the moment you do so, the same people turn against you or start undermining you. I really hope it doesn't, but does it sound familiar?

For most of my life, I have always felt blessed because the gods have given me the tools to grow myself strong, but also because I've had friends and family that have been mostly supportive or at least not getting intrusive with my choices. Yes, there have been naysayers, as always, but those have been mostly shut down easily, or I could just cut them out of my life.

Now it has come a season when I'm tackling a really big project: building my own house. Since I'm putting money  - my hard earned money - into it, I've been quite hands-on regarding the planning and designing of it. It happens that some in my family haven't liked that I decided to do this my own way, and actually getting my own architect (whom I'm paying myself), and having my house designed and planned according to my likes and my vision instead of their rendition of what I'm supposed to be liking.

Now, stop right there. I know exactly what you are thinking: it's my house, my money and I will be the one living in it. Why shouldn't I have it my way? Specially if I'm finding my own architect and paying her fees myself?

I know, I know, I thought of that myself. It does sound logical when I put it like that, and yes, there is more to the story, it's not that simple, but that's beside the point.

Sometimes, people who want you to do something, want you to do it THEIR WAY, and can't possily fathom that you would dare to find a new way to do it. Yes, the pressure can make you doubt yourself, and that is good. Take a moment to take stock of your plan, your actions, your risks and chances. It's ok, sometimes a little of second guessing can be healthy. But if your numbers held up, and you realize it's just a "Their way or the Highway" situation, don't be afraid of standing on your own ground. Be strong. You don't need to fight or justify your choices, because you don't need validation other that your own. So act like it, be strong, and prepare yourself to cut loses if they were to happen.

Sometimes you need to flex in order to stand your own ground and show that you won't be run over.

Blessed Litha!

Property of Stormberry

It's taking me time to write lately. Have I told you that I've embarked in the adventure of writing a novel with the express intent of having it published? Yes, there's that. That that went all good and nice for two days through which I literally psyched myself with non-stop Nickleback music to get me into the right mood for this particular story, and now I'm stuck. The story still keeps rolling inside me, and I can see it in my head - and it should be much easier to write than others, because this is based on my story with Feds - but no new words get typed down.

I'm staring at the weird spiked wheel in my bullet journal, and the goals I scribbled for 2019, and I'm so freaking behind the post-quota for my Hungarian blog that... yeah. That's happening. Other yearly goals and resolutions are also dragging and lagging behind, but what would be of life if we didn't leave behind some of those good intentions? Imagine a year in which you conquer all of your resolutions. The next year you would have to come up with NEW ones! Oh boy no, leave some to be recycled.

So, shall we talk about Litha? This is the sabbath of light, Midsummer's Eve, the day of the year when we have the most of sunlight, and the shortest night. Some parts of the world have no night at all. As a person drawn to the darkness, I find this depressing. Yet still, light has a place and a purpose in life, and this year for me, it means "bring things to light". It's time to face things, but also to recognize things, good things, we often don't want to admit to. Facing things often mean to us, having to admit to negative, uncomfortable aspects of ourselves or things and situations and circumstances that we do not want to deal with.

Light for me, also means the things we have shed and the things that have come to my life as result. The cycle ending with this last thesis I'm doing, the breaking with Starbucks and the journey I've started in search of my next coffeeshop-of-my-soul. Being also that my spirit has been making waves in the realm of romantic contacts, I think I'll also review that and whether I'd like to step on more firmly into the ground of dating. This is a tricky turf for me, because I know I don't want to have a relationship of any kind. I don't want routines, commitments, compromises, regular dates, meeting friends and family... I don't want anyone attaching to me, or starting to calculate me into their lives... because I won't return the favor. I don't do "couple". But being that I actually decided to write this story with Feds to exorcise him out of my system, I thought that maybe a somewhat steady influx of harmless fun could be a nice way to keep my head and spirit fed with... human entertainment. Yes, I know it sounds awful, but I really don't know how to explain it well.

You see, in a hook up or a fling, I kinda look for certain things. It's not just the sex, but also the conversation. A person can really be good in bed, but if their conversation is flat, superficial, boring, then I feel like I'm not fed. Like that happened with the physician I met last year: he was rather nice and socially a catch, but there wasn't really any sort of conversation I could follow with him. There has to be something in the brain, thoughts and connections and old books stored there, which they can recall and talk about.

Other people have other needs, but these are mine: food for the spirit, food for the body. And these are some of the things I bring today to light, in Litha, to contemplace, rejoice in them and decide how to work with them from here on.

Mimosa Obssession

Source: The Best Mimosa Recipe

Where has all this started?

The first time I ever had a mimosa was onboard of an Air France transatlantic flight from Caracas or Bogotá to Paris. In that flight I was smitten with one of the hottest flight attendants I've ever met, and whom I shall always cherish in my darkened, little heart.

In that same flight a fellow passanger had approched me at the open bar section and asked me if I wanted a mimosa. I wanted booze, that's what I wanted, so I asked him what was a mimosa. He produced a clear, plastic glass and filled it with orange juice and champagne. If he said something else I have forgotten or I wasn't paying anyt attention, because the flight attendant was also there. I do remember a tidbit about this being a "breakfast drink".

Life came and went, things moved as they always and inevitably do, and the recipe of the mimosa remained stored in my brain, over there, like a ticket tab in a junk box of souvenirs or an old smashbook, until recently I have started feeling like I want to start having brunches on the weekend with friends. I want that experience, of long, lazy, tasty meals that extend on and on, in a beautiful terrace, enjoying the best type of food ever: breakfast food. I tell you, I could happily let go of lunch and diner and instead have three breakfasts every day. Wouldn't that be amazing?

Anyway, as I was into this, researching a bit, and then having friends for my first brunch in ages, the memory of the mimosas came back. Of course! Mimosas are the brunch drink per excellence!

Now, our first brunch was heavenly, but it was actually a late breakfast instead of a brunch... because they had no mimosas. So I've gone thinking about it and decided that I want to start a quest of the best brunch places. First here, of course, locally. I want to make this a project of mine, to find the perfect mimosa place and the most mindblowing brunch menu. Some places are already lining up, and of some I know they have no mimosas, but I am still interested.

This promises to be fun!

Perfect Sunday

Source: Property of Stormberry

Today I met with my friends Shimmy and Are for brunch. You have no idea how I've been wanting to have brunch with friends. Originally I had intended to have brunch this weekend with another friend from the booktube community, but things didn't quite go as planned, and we didn't meet at all. That I am sad about, because I really wanted to meet him, talk with him and tell him about my literary projects, but also hear about his projects and concerns.

In this days Are and I talked a little becauseI found her on Telegram - you know, that semmaging platform that seems to be growing and pushing WhatsApp out of the way a bit - and it turned out that my beloved friend Shimmy was having some issues with his job situation. There might be a bunch of reasons for the crazy unstability he was experiencing (and he has been experiencing the oddest spell of work instability for a while now), and she told me he needed chearing up. As easy as that, we decided to meet today for brunch.The place we selected is close to where I leave, and it's a quaint coffeeshop called Kawah Café. I love it not only for the beauty of its covered terrace and the soft peacefulness of the little garden, but also because if their dedication to their coffee. My friend Shimmy is quite a coffee connoisseur, so Are and I knew he was bound to love Kawah.

We met at 10 a.m., a more than perfect time for a brunch, and ordered a traditional breakfast for Shimmy and two pinto-bowls for Are and I. Pinto us a traditional Costa Rican breakfast food where the rice and black beans are mixed together, cooked in a pan and seasoned with different thngs depending on the liking of people. It usually comes with some tortillas, one or two eggs, fresh cheese or fried chorizo (a sort of sausage), fried plátano (cooking banana) and sour cream or Lizano sauce (or both). In the bowl we had the pinto mixed with fresh, melted cheese, diced tomato, diced avocado and topped with a fried egg. It was to die for!

We had a wondeful chat about everything that has been going on in our lives, and when we talked about issues, we discussed some witchy ways and techniques to invite the good into our daily lives. I had picked a few crystals from my personal collection (not like I have any other collection, mind you), which I first have held in my hand to fill them with my love and good wishes, and suggested them a small ritual mostly inspired in Mercuralia and the realm under the control of Mercury. I know I see Mercury like the go-to-god for almost everything, but really, this was totally a work that fell square under his protection. I hope it will help them.

Source: Property of Stormberry

Our chat extended quite long, and since I had some courtesy movie tickets, we decided to cash some to go watch the movie Dark Phoenix. Yes, and X-Men movie, and I'm not a fan of X-Men. Truth to be told, the more I know and I get to know about the comic universe, I find that I am more and more a DC fan than a Marvel fan. The women are hotter, and the men are quite hot too. And now, with the new CW series of Batwoman with Ruby Rose I am head over heel.

I have heard bad reviews from most people about this movie - Dark Phoenix, not Batwoman! - and the people liking it didn't quite strike me as reliable, but I wanted to see the movie because of Sophie Turner - better known as Sansa - and boy she was hot! Michael Fassbender was there, and so was James McAvoy and Jennifer Lawrence, but I was actually watching only Sophie Turner. And she was hot. Other than that the movie sucked big time.

All the make up - both in mutant as in human form - was amateurish, and the costumes couldn't be cheaper or a worse fit. The story was weak and the point of yhe whole thing... well, there wa no point, only to see Sansa one last time.

Source: Property of Stormberry

After that, we went to have lunch-diner at an Asian restaurant called P.F.Chang's, that was a wondeful, wonderful experience. Both Are and Shimmy love Asian food - though in Are's case, she learned to love to as she started dating Shimmy. Their wedding, which is the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended, was also Asian themed - and they were taken off their feet with the kindness, the readiness, the presentation and the flavours of everything we've ordered.

Our "brunch" extended well into the early night, when we said good-byes after having poured out our hearts and filled them with friendly love and happiness.

It was so lovely to sit with them and feel like part of the family, sharing the food , joking, hugging and smiling big, open smiles. We have promised ourselves and each other to keep up the meetings. You see, life can be very, very busy and we can get easily overwhelmed, but if we make the purpose of breaking away a little slice of time to share with friend, and share the love, then the rest of our tasks and worries will be less. A smile in the heart and the memory of great time spent in the company of loved ones is always the best possible spell to cast over our days to make them brighter and better.