Tana y Jake: Lessons to Learn

No, of course I haven't gone all "drama blog" on you, but as you know, I do watch my share of drama channels on YouTube, because it's entertaining. We could sit down and talk whether drama channels are the new gladiator games of the world, where we gather to watch others destroy their own lives of the lives of other. Why do we, as humans, find so entertaining the disgrace and suffering of others? Oh well, that's a topic for another post.

Souce: Google Images and Flipboard.

In today's post I'd like to talk about a case I've seen on drama channels, which has gotten some hype. This is abour to YouTubers, Tana Mongeau and Jake Paul. Both of them have pretty much livestyle channels, and have been in quite a lot of drama on their own. Their style is irreverent, down right vulgar, from what I've seen, and have also been featured in Shane Dawson's docu-series.

I believe both of them have been banned from large YouTube conventions, such as VideoCon, and in Tana's case, she got some notoriety when she reacted to the banning by declaring she would do her own convention - TanaCon - which was an absolute disaster.

Jake Paul... well, I don't know much about him and haven't heard of him until Shane's docu-series, where Shane wanted to stablish whether he of his brother Logan, or both were sociopaths.

Both Tana and Jake like to party, are wrapped in constant drama and lead what looks like irresponsible lives. It seems like they just burn through the days, and up until Shane's series on each of them, it seemed like life was catching up with them, which was sad, since they are both quite young. They are both YouTube celebrities and it seems they own their fortune to the platform. From what I gather, Tana also got a reality TV series on MTV for her 21st birthday.

After Shane's series on each of them, it seems they've got together (this was this year), and appeared to begin dating. It was never quite clear that they were dating, as they seemed to be dating other people, specially Jake. Much of what happened with them was quite under the radar for anyone that wasn't following their antics, until suddenly they decided to get engaged and then married quite fast. As the news exploded, specially around their odd wedding, the news of them hit the drama channels I follow, and a bunch of recipes and videos were unloaded. They were news for a couple of days and then the novelty died out.

So, what's the deal? First of all, their whole relationship looks fake, and particularly Tana often mentions that the whole thing is "for clout". She has 4,9 million subscribers and he has 19 million. As a marketing move to get her growing, wouldn't be so bad for her. For him... well, maybe he could reach another segment of the market with her. However, their behavior is peculiar, and this is where we can learn a few things.

Both of them are clearly young and immature, but of the both of them, Jake is one to have a manipulative, abusive tendency. It has been put to evidence plenty of times, that he doesn't treat well his girlfriends, and likes to humilate them, taunt them and play rather heavy "jokes" on them. There are people on record talking about physical abuse as well. Tana is notoriously irresponsible, prone to leave everything to others and trust herself on others. She abuses of her staff and people she considers under her, but cowers in the presence of those she perceives as above her.

The things I saw that draw my attention were the dynamics and how Jake seemed to be imposing on Tana and leading her on. For instance, Tana has an MTV reality show that goes around her 21st birthday. On a birthday party planned and paid handsomely, Jake pulled some stunts that pretty much ruined the whole effort. He knew someone he doesn't like was on the guest list. He demanded Tana to uninvite the person. Tana tasked someone else to do it, but it's not clear whether it happened or not.

Either way, Jake drove to the party, made Tana leave her party to talk to him, and then, even though the person Jake wanted removed was gone, he decided he wanted to go home and took Tana with him. Note this: he made Tana, who needs public attention for the growth of her channel, and who needs the attention to feel good about herself, to leave a celebration that's all about her.

Around that time, Tana managed to be accepted again at VideoCon. She did her stunts, like disregarding time, being appalingly late and then, when told she was late, she denied it and threw a temper tantrum. She was surrounded by her adoring fans, who are all kids who take Tana's chronic tardiness as her personal mark. She makes them wait and they wait on her, not realizing the disrespect she shows with her tardiness.

Jake has been banned from VideoCon for a while. Through Tana, he managed to make her and her staff ask for him to be accepted again, allegedly, because he was her boyfriend and wanted to surprise her. He was barred, like, from the premises and all, from what I gather. He got her to get his prohibition lifted, and so he "surprised" her by walking on the stage when she was being interviewed, in front of her loving fans, in an activity all about Tana, and said he had a poem. This poem was supposed to be about their relationship, and it was really bad, but the worse part was the begining of it, where he stated in no uncertain terms, and much vulgarity, that Tana was pretty much a whore who gave him oral sex the first time they met. This in front of her fans, in an activity dedicated to her.

They were engaged to marry, and it was going to be a quick marriage, which Jake postponed three times. All the chatting and postponing was communicated through staff. Jake never told Tana in her face that he wanted to postpone, or why. At one point they were talking, and Tana wanted certainty, that the marriage was going to be legal. Jake looked at loss.

Tana was a lot on camera, trying to justify Jake fooling around with other women, as them having an open relationship. It has transpired that they haven't spent the night together either, or had sex. This even though Jake's poem claims she's easy and he can get a blow job out of her upon meeting her.

The wedding itself was not only cheap, but quite evidently fake, and much like a reality TV gypsy wedding, but with no money spent on gaudy, flashy, blinging, excessive stuff. Even a fake fight broke out. Everything about it was tacky, and they charged people $50 to watch it streaming on a streaming service that didn't work. Another TanaCor fraud case?

Once the wedding and the reception was over, Tana went home alone and Jake went to keep partying with some girls. Some suggestive pictures were posted by Jake, of him with his pants open, with two beautiful, thin girls. Tana has some overweight.

The case, for me, it's clear: Jake uses Tana for his own purposes, such as getting into places from which he has been banned, gets access to other viewers, gets higher exposition and gets his hands on a new girlfriend-victim, whom he can torment to his hearts content. For me it's also clear that he doesn't deal well with the fact that Tana is raising, getting forgiven and accepted again, or that she could be celebrated and loved by herself. He needs to impose and flex his muscle to make patent that he can destroy anything good in her life.

Tana, on the other hand, is very immature and has no grasp of what respect or responsability is, two important components of adult life. She actively ditches responsability and thus allows others to make decisions for her, plan for her, but also has no qualms to trample plans, because she doesn't acknowledge consequences. Even when she is the cause, by her ditching responsability, she mentally assigns the blame on someone else, because she makes others responsible for her life.

This avoidance of responsability is what makes her a perfect victim for people like Jake, who can take the power or authority, pretend to be responsible, and then ensnarl her in their game to pile negative consequences on her, offering her a narrow path of solution, which force her to bend to his will, do his bidding and take silently as much humiliation as he wishes to pile on her.

Jake weaponizes responsability by equating it to guilt. You see, responsability is paired with authority: when you are responsible of something, you have the authority to do something about it, and the means to do it. Jake takes the authority, pushes her into a corner, and use responsability/blame to force her when she doesn't comply, or when he wishes to punish her with some "training discipline", to get her used to his particular games.

This dynamics strip her of any respect. Jake molds her into a little less than a doormat, a typical joke-woman, the kind that embodies to his will the stereotipical stupid blond of any misogynistic joke. She's the stupid, the willless, the dirty whore that can be kicked, mocked and will eagerly come back for more. She lets him push her, debase her and ruin everything in her life. In turn, she exercises her disrespect on those that depend on her, like her staff and her fans. She disregards their time, money, effort, advise and everything else.

Now, this sort of behavior isn't just something that happens to YouTubers, but it happens to many people, of many walks of life. Many think that "adulting" is hard and prefer to keep to their childish or teeny behavior for as long as they think they can get away with it. This can be due to a faulty, sheltered upbringing where parents or guardians have failed to teach their kids from young age about responsability, and all the components of it.

The lack of respect can also be result of the upbringing and the environment in which the person developed. Either they themselves were often disrespected, or they grew up seeing people disrespect others, this is something they learned. It might happen that they were never really taught to respect others, or just in words, but that never reflected in actions.

Whether you are being a victim in a situation like Tana's, or a bystander getting affected, it's important first to recognize the situation and understand what's happening. People like Jake can make you think you need them, that the whole world will collapse if you leave them. There reside their power: they need you to stay and be willing. Thing is, the world won't collapse.

The best course of action is always to leave the situation and learn from it. If someone is like Jake, they are not going to get better, they are not going to improve nor will they correct their ways. They may change their path, but only to find a new way to torment you. Once they latched onto a prey, they will use it and abuse it until it dies or escapes. So don't fall for the promises or the hope of change.

Tana and Jake are rushing, but have no direction, no clarity. This is a mistake you shouldn't make. Even if you have no idea what you want to do with your life, there are things you might, like whether you want to travel around the world or have a house and a dog. Take those wishes for your life and make a plan about how to better get them. Learn responsability, don't avoid it. You are not going to be young and strong forever, and you will probably die old and weak. Plan ahead.

Really, That's not How it Works

The worldview of some people is really interesting. Some seem to believe that things will change the way they want them to change without them putting anything into it, or even if their actions feed into the contrary effect. This is the case of... Carly.

Carly has a child whom she has spoiled since the crib. We all know because she has been our coworker since before she was pregnant. Whatever the kid has wanted, she has always provided, to extreme lengths. She has rushed to the hospital with the kid for reasons most people would just keep them at home or give it a thicker coat and send them to school. The kid also goes only to private hospitals, which is not your only choice here. Curiously, the kid has been pumped full of pills for all sorts of allergies and things to the point where they take daily more medication than most elder people, with ever changing needs and issues.

Before you say something, yes, it is possible the kid indeed suffers for a long series of illnesses and allergies, and that their parents to everything they can to help them live a normal life, but then wouldn't all those affections also show? However, the point here is that Carly is going far and beyond. Kid has allergies and all sorts of diagnosed illnesses, and needs to be checked monthly by the pediatrician (for the last twelve years) - and the kid belongs to four different sport clubs at school, and all of them are extremely physical and outdoorsy - and so Carly also does the kid's homework, gets them all the videogames and videogame consoles, sneaks out of work daily because she has to pick her kid up from school, and school ends three hours before the end of her work day...

And so it happens that in the last years the kid has taken the habit of telling her of the homework that needed to be submitted twenty minutes before class. The kid doesn't study, doesn't move a finger, because they are used to Carly leaving work, risking her job and making homework materialize out of thin air. Recently Carly spent a weekend preparing the kid's science project, only to have them misplace it and lose it. So now, an hour before Science Class, Carly had to sneak out of her job, start scrapping the project back on, find her files and print them, and then hire a messenger to send it to her kid's school.

Of course she gets mad and calls her kid and berates them, but you can hear the ennui in the kid's voice, like they boringly put up with the mother's rant, because they don't care.

For years Carly has been doing everything for her kid and instead of them. That child has no sense of responsability or cause-consequence, because Carly has been dealing with all of it and keeping them from facing real life situations. She keeps insisting to the rest of the office that she is going to stop, she will make the kid responsible, but yet she runs and picks up their responsabilities because "what can I do at this point". Oh, but "they will hear me out when I get home".

Except next week is going to be the same.

In a way, she drops her own responsabilities to attend her kid's responsabilities, which puts her at risk, because at one point people will stop be linient with her slipping away from the office on a daily basis half through the time she should be here and working.

So, what am I trying to say here? Though you can turn a situation gone wrong and make it better, this is not always the case, which is why, when you start something - like you decide to have a child, or you enter a relationship, start a company, etc. - you have to have a clear view of where you want to go, and go constantly for it. You can't do everything for someone else constantly and expect them to start doing everything for you. People get used to the comfort you give them, and then they expect them. 

When you "ruin" a relationship by not enforcing limits and boundries, and then wish to enforce them, you will have a harder time than if you would have started with this from the begining. In a relationship you can try and fix it, but when it doesn't work, you have the chance to break up. Can you do that with your own child? And there are many other situations where walking away isn't an option. Think of a job relationship, where you have to set boundaries to keep bosses and colleagues or clients from taking advantage of you, demanding more work from you than what you have been hired for, or what's recognized in your paycheck. With the current economy, leaving might not be an option.

So, don't wait until things become unbearable, until you break under the weight of the burden you have been carrying for others. Start small and always start at the begining. Learn to know yourself, your capabilities and your limits. And respect them.

In the end, it's all about respect: respect for yourself and all the others: those you think you are helping, and those you are imposing on in your effort to haul the issues of others.

Autosabotage

Once again I'm pulled towards the keyboar thanks to the case of a friend, and that case got me thinking. She works at this place that has become unsatisfying for her. She's been at the company for a long time and though in the begining it was nice, with time she has been noticing things that make her uncomfortable and others that are plain wrong. The idea of leaving the company has been out there for a while, but the current labor market situation didn't make it easy for her to leave. Then it happens that she got a job offer for a position that's perfect for her in another company, and she froze.

As she related her story, it was plain she was deeply dissatisfied, but then she was so scared about grabbing the chance that was being offered. At one point she said she felt bad for wanting to leave because the company paid her visum for Canada. So, though she was very dissatisfied with the company, and now had a way out with a job offer, she was having second thoughts because the company paid her visum for Canada, which she needed for her job, because otherwise she had no intentions to go to Canada.

I would like you all to take a moment to reflect on this, and also see how this situation can be carbon copied into just about any situation and any relationship in life.

Often we see ourselves in a situation where we are unhappy, we feel unappreciated, wronged, uncomfortable, hurt, abused, exploited, disrespected... and we want it to stop, we want to get out of it, but the moment we get the chance to do so we chicken out and pull from the deepest recess of  our memory a few flashes of good things or things that can pass for good. For instance, in my last relationship, the last two years I was deeply dissatisfied. I had decided I was going to break up with my boyfriend because I could no longer trust him and our lives and life philosophy went in striking different directions. And it took me two years to gather up the nerve and do it.

Through those two years I strategized, I planned and I kept giving him chances to redeem himself, which he didn't take. When finally I decided that enough is enough, I was stopped because I thought of my nephews, my parents  and my brother because they really,, really love him. Like... they just love him like crazy. How could I take him away from them? But it was time to move on, and it was done.

This behavior, this pushing obstacles in our own road, and play the devil's advocate against ourselves is autosabotage. Because one thing is to think things through - and I advocate for that - but another is to start pulling out little specks of goodness to make you stay in a bad situation. Truth is that these memories of the positive moments won't curb the experience. And abusive job won't turn better because you are reminded of the visum they gave you. A partner you can't stand won't magically become amazing again just because your family loves him. Your abusive parents won't get more bearable because they laughed at the picnic you had when you were five years old.

Remember that the memories - good or bad - will stay with you, but if you want a chance, you have to make it. It's your life and your decision. Nobody else's. Remember also that complaining has never solved anything.

Defense: Why Are We So Afraid of It?

Reading Rush Week ended last week and this week many booktubers and bookstagrammers came out of it feeling a bit out of space and not knowing what to do with themselves. This was a very intense week for those participating, as many content creators and readers usually don't read seven books in a week. And if you throw into it also creating reading rush daily dare/tasks and publishing them, well, yes, there was no time for living.

When it was all done and finished, many posted how many books they managed to read and how many pages. One of these content creators is a friend of mine, and she succeeded in the Rush. Proudly, she shared with the world her reading statistics for this rush. Under her post, a hater started calling her a liar and telling her she cheated and probably didn't even understood the books for how fast "she read". She was clearly affected - because she's really such a nice girl - and so she let know her closest friends about it, and we went to see what was going on.

It was a case of a cyberbully, a troll, who likes to attack people in general on invented arguments. She has the blessing of having an entourage that went out like a swarm of wasps and dug up all the date on the bully, so we could understand his behavior better. We knew then that hewas harassing all sorts of influencers and people in the book community with similar comments: people can't possibly read that fast, it's biologically, mathematically and statistically impossible, and so on. Some of us replied to him - I was a meanie and blocked him, so I laughed because then I heard he attacked me, BUT I could not hear him, so I gave him what he hates the most: zero attention - and then we advised her to block him. She was uncertain because she feared he would go mad, but after a whole day under his attack - despite of her sustained silence - she decided to block him.

Source: taken from Black Witch Coven. Please give them <3 td="">

This got me thinking about what we do and how we react to harassment and abuse. Why is it that WE are the ones being harassed, being insulted, abused, AND still we do not want to offend our abusers? Yes, there is a measure of fear, because we think things could be worse if we "provoke" them.

In some cultures more than others, people tend to lean toward polite, non-confrontational or passive behavior, and they expect people to notice they are being mean and then stop doing it. We often think others are just like we are, and just because we would feel bad about attacking someone else, we think others would feel bad about it too. The thing is that bullies don't work like that, instead they profit from the tendency on people not to call them out because that allows them to keep abusing their victims. They thrive on the space you give them and abuse of your politeness and social expectations. But also, as you allow them to continue abusing you, they grow bolder and bolder, so by the time you finally reach your limit and decide to cut them off or stop them, it would be much harder than at the begining. They have worn you out, they have grown stronger and they know your weak spots.

It's kind of similar to when someone mistreats you, you cut them off and them forgive them, allow them back in and they resume their abuse, only the second time around it will be harder to stop because they know you how to get you to forgive them and receive them back. The longer you take abuse from a troll, the more they know how much are you willing to give and how much you are afraid of escalation.

Facing bullying online is "easier" in the sense that we can block the person. Just block the given person's user and all their access to you. Black list them, make yourself unreachable, report them... go the whole nine yards. It is harder in real life because we could be physically threatened or we could be in a position where our abuser have power over us through emotional, familiar, work or study related means. We can't block people in real life with a button, and sometimes we can't draw a hard line, but there are things we can do.

Online, let's defend ourselves not by antagonizing the troll (although I did that, just because I felt like ticking them and run), but by taking away their platform and block them. No need to explain, no need to reply, just block and erase. You owe them nothing and you don't need to give them nothing. Blocking them from your social media or your e-mails and chats isn't an attack on "freedom of speech". If they want to express themselves, they can get a blog or pay and add in a newspaper.

In real life, limit your interactions with them, avoid being alone with them, or alone with them and the people that get on their side. If you need to interact with them, don't give them explanations: be short and get away. Be not afraid of walking away the moment they start harassing you. And start looking for ways to either move or report them. Talk to others, create a support system around yourself, talk it out. Sometimes your friends can come up with clever solutions for your issues. Talk, listen and protect yourself.

There are no easy, quick solutions for harassment, but we must remember (or try to) that we can do something to fight it.

A Week in and a Week Out

I was supposed to blog last week, and I did have stuff to write about, but I didn't. Not like you haven't noticed that, mind you, but I just noticed. And now a key on my keyboard isn't working, and that's driving me up the wall.

So, I have a few things I should be taking care of, even though I'm not doing it fully. What's on my To Do List is:

1. Work on my Marketing thesis, specifically on chapters 4 and 5.
2. Do my German homework for tomorrow
3. Check the rest of the chapter for tomorrow's German lesson
4. Read the next three chapters of Die Welle for the German Book Club
5. Secure an interview for the thesis with a group of people at work.
6. Check on the things I need to know about the new Tax Reform.
7. Update the accountings I'm doing
8. Advance some in reading Clash of Kings.

Property of Stormberry

Ok, that last one is for fun, but still...

Today I took vacations from the office to be able to submit my application for a Political Economics Academic Masters Degree at my old university. It's not exactly with the University, but a research center that works tightly with it, and which I believe has been formed within the university.

I knew that the new coordinator is a guy that used to be a classmate of mine back in the day, but today as I saw him my heart exploded out of my chest. I was so very happy and so full of love! I don't know if I can explain this feeling fully, but I was so very happy to see him, and so happy at the prospect of have him in my life again. Like reuniting with a long lost dear friend or a relative.

For this Masters program there were a bunch of requirements that took me a while to complete, and I think I was missing one of them, though probably was one of those you don't really need, since when I submitted my pack it was all checked and the lady that got my papers was elated that I was from the UNA. She kept gushing about how she was so happy I was enrolling because it was always good to have students that understood the system and the requirements. I felt so at home, and I almost told her: "I know! I also was missing putting my brain to good use". Not a nice thing to say, but not for it less true.

I was also so taken off my back with my former classmate, who was looking so, so well, so groomed, so sleek, so rested and happy... He showed me his office and it is the most spacious, beautiful office you could dream of. My face was splitting from so much smiling and awing and I did tell him he was probably one of the few of us who actually made it in life. He was so totally dear and sweet as to duck his face and blush. What a lovely, dear thing! I think I could hug him all day. I'm so, so happy for him, and it makes me happy too. And if all goes well, and next year I'll enroll in the Masters program and see him, I'll not only fill my head with fabulous, brand new knowledge, but I'll also fill my soul with the sight of him and his good fortune in life.

Isn't wonderful to see your dear ones succeed? I'm sure as hell are just... so blessed.

Work and homework and studies can wait. I need to bask in the beauty of this.

Now, last week we had the Reading Rush, an international bookish competition for book-content-creators, such as booktubers, bookstagrammers, book-podcasters and so on. The kids that signed in were supposed to read seven books in seven days, and several of my friends made it. I didn't even try it, because I know myself: if I set myself to such a hard competition, I'm going to get grumpy and balk. Or I'll do something stupid like when I get on a fitbit competition, and I would have taken the whole week out on vacations and would have read 14 books in the  gods know what time. Actually, in the whole week I read only one book - Red, White & Royal Blue -  and I didn't like it.

And talking about books I didn't like, can you believe I didn't like Call Me By Your Name? I don't get it, I loved the movie, I love the idea and I love the academic parlance. How is it possible I didn't like this book? But lo and behold, I didn't. I can't say I hated it because that's not true. It just... didn't perform to the standard I had held it up to. Red, White & Royal Blue was my leveling book, and.. it was good in the first quarter and then it just went down the sewer.

Why authors do that? Why can't they be consistent with quality and the expectation I have of them?

I've been also writig my novel, and... that's progressing. I though this part would be easier because I have so much material for this in my journals, but I just don't feel it. I'm just not feeling the love or the despair. One ofthe girls has read a bit of it, and she found it funny. I'm glad about that. I must take the good mood for as long as it lasts, because I don't know how will she react with the death fantasy I included.

Coffee Days with a Friend

Source: Property of Stormberry

Today is Wednesday, and for a while now Wednesdays are Coffee Date Days for my friend Arjen and I. She's all the way in Beligium while I'm here in Costa Rica, yet we do this coffee date, where on Wednesday morning (morning for each) we would send each other a picture of our coffee. This make our morning coffee more special because we are thinking of our us and - in my case - imagine a pleasant coversation about something.

Today I didn't get a coffee because I was out of coffee, but I sipped on a cup of red tea, and I let my thoughts wander for a while, as if I were seated at a table, in front of my beloved Arjen.

So, what was in my head? There are a lot of things going on in my life right now, but as I sipped my tea, I was thinking about this guy I'm sort of seeing, and whom I'm wondering about whether it is time to let him go. It's not really a relationship, more like a hook-up thing that has been dragging for a long time because it was pleasant and convenient, but now I wonder if it's time to cut all ties.

Another thing in my head was my thesis and how should I proceed forward. It's time to get on the last stretch of the track, buckle up for the last three chapters and have them rolling.

Boy, I'm really tired of this, and this particular degree is so unrewarding! I still don't feel it.

Finally, looming thoughts want to crowd my mind, but I rush them away thinking a tad about the novel I have started to write. It's so strange, but I smile at the thought of the dear friendship I will lose if that gets published. And I want it to get published.

How can one be happy at the thought of losing someone one loves? I guess I don't like the duality of my emotions for this person, and how even though I do like them a lot, and love them, I'm also deeply displeased and deeply disdainful of them, and I rather have them removed from my life. I guess I'm just too old to find myself immersed in the Greek Dramas others concoct for themselves, and so I rather lose the person than my meager patience.

I sip my tea and stare for a moment into the sky, before returning back to the world that surrounds me.

Before the Week is Over

I have a weekly calendar on my desk, which I usually fill up as things come to my attention - you know, when you get the e-mail with the syllabus, or the project timetable and so on and so forth. I tend to manage most of my appointments and deadlines and tasks in my bullet journal, so on Sundays I usually sit down and complete my timetable for the week also on my desk calendar. Yes, I'm not home much, and when I'm here I mostly read, I don't use much my calendar, but still, I do.

Today I did just that, and already passed the page for next week. This was a couple of hours ago. I had used my laptop a tad, and then ran the weekly cleaners and spybot and antivirus programs, and then turned off the computer, when I thought: "Wait, wasn't I supposed to blog?". So I checked my blog on my phone, and so that the last post was on the eighth. I looked at the calendar (already showing the next week) and I thought "Oh fuck! I forgot to blog ths week... AGAIN!". So I turned the laptop back on, while raking my brain about a topic to write about.

It wasn't until the Blogger page was on that I remembered I turned the page.

It happens... :-D

Welcome Again to Mercury Retrograde

And here we are, back again, in Mercury Retrograde. People's opinion on this is matter is quite divided, with a lot of people being skeptical about the phenomenon. What can be denied is the astrological phenomenon itself: Mercury does look (for those that can see it, I don't really bother) like it's going backwards. As for the effect in human life... well, that's up for debate.

Be it as it may, truth is that Mercury Retrograde has come early this time around, for many of us, that work with the Fiscal system of this country. Official websites are not working, the Ministry isn't giving any useful information to fix issues, and that's when they deign to even give information. In the meantime, a whole smorgasboard of opinions and rules and herasay runs around freely leaving more than one accountant (me included) thinking about closing shop and doing something else with our lives.

The gods know I would love to just throw the whole thing off the window, and I actually do have a job as an economist - and I'm actually working towards writing the first novel I do intend to publish, not like that would ever resolve my life in the financial aspect of it - BUT my clients are people close to me, friends and family I can't leave behind in this mudpuddle. Time to strap on, try, cry, while, search information, grow a handful of greyhairs and keep on doing it.

So, yes, I fell off the wagon this past week - even though Mercury Retrograde started only this Sunday - and hopefully this coming week, I'll be able to post another post... and do something about my again-abandoned Hungarian blog, but yeah, Mercurt Retrograde.

I do choose to believe in Mercury Retrograde mora as a matter of hope. After three weeks this is gone, so hopefully this status won't drag on forever.

Happy and Easy Mercury Retrograde!

Those Mildly Toxic Exchanges

Sadly, it happens that we have sometimes some conversations, topics or just a general "area" where things get complicated with people we love. This may happen to you often or seldom, or might even be a thing that just appears one, or just in a season or it might be "just that one topic", where those you usually relay on seem to turn against you. A wall comes between you and them and the communications - otherwise warm and fluent - goes up in smoke.

When you have a strong personality, a strong sense of self, a strong sense of purpose or otherwise a very determinated person, this can hit you very hard, particularly if the wall raises up against something you think it's fundamental to you, it's a milestone or a goal of yours. 

It can be nearly devastating when you were counting on the support of a person or a group and you feel like they turn against you out of the blue, or just leave you hanging. I think the biggest part of the blow is the fact that you have not expected that sort of reaction from them, and it has left you open and vulnerable. Pain can come also from the particular feeling that you have been betrayed. Things as simple as those cases when someone or a group have been nudging you or encouraging you to do something, start something, engage in something - or leave a situation, change your habits, maybe even fight an addiction or a destructive attitude or activity - and the moment you do so, the same people turn against you or start undermining you. I really hope it doesn't, but does it sound familiar?

For most of my life, I have always felt blessed because the gods have given me the tools to grow myself strong, but also because I've had friends and family that have been mostly supportive or at least not getting intrusive with my choices. Yes, there have been naysayers, as always, but those have been mostly shut down easily, or I could just cut them out of my life.

Now it has come a season when I'm tackling a really big project: building my own house. Since I'm putting money  - my hard earned money - into it, I've been quite hands-on regarding the planning and designing of it. It happens that some in my family haven't liked that I decided to do this my own way, and actually getting my own architect (whom I'm paying myself), and having my house designed and planned according to my likes and my vision instead of their rendition of what I'm supposed to be liking.

Now, stop right there. I know exactly what you are thinking: it's my house, my money and I will be the one living in it. Why shouldn't I have it my way? Specially if I'm finding my own architect and paying her fees myself?

I know, I know, I thought of that myself. It does sound logical when I put it like that, and yes, there is more to the story, it's not that simple, but that's beside the point.

Sometimes, people who want you to do something, want you to do it THEIR WAY, and can't possily fathom that you would dare to find a new way to do it. Yes, the pressure can make you doubt yourself, and that is good. Take a moment to take stock of your plan, your actions, your risks and chances. It's ok, sometimes a little of second guessing can be healthy. But if your numbers held up, and you realize it's just a "Their way or the Highway" situation, don't be afraid of standing on your own ground. Be strong. You don't need to fight or justify your choices, because you don't need validation other that your own. So act like it, be strong, and prepare yourself to cut loses if they were to happen.

Sometimes you need to flex in order to stand your own ground and show that you won't be run over.

Blessed Litha!

Property of Stormberry

It's taking me time to write lately. Have I told you that I've embarked in the adventure of writing a novel with the express intent of having it published? Yes, there's that. That that went all good and nice for two days through which I literally psyched myself with non-stop Nickleback music to get me into the right mood for this particular story, and now I'm stuck. The story still keeps rolling inside me, and I can see it in my head - and it should be much easier to write than others, because this is based on my story with Feds - but no new words get typed down.

I'm staring at the weird spiked wheel in my bullet journal, and the goals I scribbled for 2019, and I'm so freaking behind the post-quota for my Hungarian blog that... yeah. That's happening. Other yearly goals and resolutions are also dragging and lagging behind, but what would be of life if we didn't leave behind some of those good intentions? Imagine a year in which you conquer all of your resolutions. The next year you would have to come up with NEW ones! Oh boy no, leave some to be recycled.

So, shall we talk about Litha? This is the sabbath of light, Midsummer's Eve, the day of the year when we have the most of sunlight, and the shortest night. Some parts of the world have no night at all. As a person drawn to the darkness, I find this depressing. Yet still, light has a place and a purpose in life, and this year for me, it means "bring things to light". It's time to face things, but also to recognize things, good things, we often don't want to admit to. Facing things often mean to us, having to admit to negative, uncomfortable aspects of ourselves or things and situations and circumstances that we do not want to deal with.

Light for me, also means the things we have shed and the things that have come to my life as result. The cycle ending with this last thesis I'm doing, the breaking with Starbucks and the journey I've started in search of my next coffeeshop-of-my-soul. Being also that my spirit has been making waves in the realm of romantic contacts, I think I'll also review that and whether I'd like to step on more firmly into the ground of dating. This is a tricky turf for me, because I know I don't want to have a relationship of any kind. I don't want routines, commitments, compromises, regular dates, meeting friends and family... I don't want anyone attaching to me, or starting to calculate me into their lives... because I won't return the favor. I don't do "couple". But being that I actually decided to write this story with Feds to exorcise him out of my system, I thought that maybe a somewhat steady influx of harmless fun could be a nice way to keep my head and spirit fed with... human entertainment. Yes, I know it sounds awful, but I really don't know how to explain it well.

You see, in a hook up or a fling, I kinda look for certain things. It's not just the sex, but also the conversation. A person can really be good in bed, but if their conversation is flat, superficial, boring, then I feel like I'm not fed. Like that happened with the physician I met last year: he was rather nice and socially a catch, but there wasn't really any sort of conversation I could follow with him. There has to be something in the brain, thoughts and connections and old books stored there, which they can recall and talk about.

Other people have other needs, but these are mine: food for the spirit, food for the body. And these are some of the things I bring today to light, in Litha, to contemplace, rejoice in them and decide how to work with them from here on.

Mimosa Obssession

Source: The Best Mimosa Recipe

Where has all this started?

The first time I ever had a mimosa was onboard of an Air France transatlantic flight from Caracas or Bogotá to Paris. In that flight I was smitten with one of the hottest flight attendants I've ever met, and whom I shall always cherish in my darkened, little heart.

In that same flight a fellow passanger had approched me at the open bar section and asked me if I wanted a mimosa. I wanted booze, that's what I wanted, so I asked him what was a mimosa. He produced a clear, plastic glass and filled it with orange juice and champagne. If he said something else I have forgotten or I wasn't paying anyt attention, because the flight attendant was also there. I do remember a tidbit about this being a "breakfast drink".

Life came and went, things moved as they always and inevitably do, and the recipe of the mimosa remained stored in my brain, over there, like a ticket tab in a junk box of souvenirs or an old smashbook, until recently I have started feeling like I want to start having brunches on the weekend with friends. I want that experience, of long, lazy, tasty meals that extend on and on, in a beautiful terrace, enjoying the best type of food ever: breakfast food. I tell you, I could happily let go of lunch and diner and instead have three breakfasts every day. Wouldn't that be amazing?

Anyway, as I was into this, researching a bit, and then having friends for my first brunch in ages, the memory of the mimosas came back. Of course! Mimosas are the brunch drink per excellence!

Now, our first brunch was heavenly, but it was actually a late breakfast instead of a brunch... because they had no mimosas. So I've gone thinking about it and decided that I want to start a quest of the best brunch places. First here, of course, locally. I want to make this a project of mine, to find the perfect mimosa place and the most mindblowing brunch menu. Some places are already lining up, and of some I know they have no mimosas, but I am still interested.

This promises to be fun!

Perfect Sunday

Source: Property of Stormberry

Today I met with my friends Shimmy and Are for brunch. You have no idea how I've been wanting to have brunch with friends. Originally I had intended to have brunch this weekend with another friend from the booktube community, but things didn't quite go as planned, and we didn't meet at all. That I am sad about, because I really wanted to meet him, talk with him and tell him about my literary projects, but also hear about his projects and concerns.

In this days Are and I talked a little becauseI found her on Telegram - you know, that semmaging platform that seems to be growing and pushing WhatsApp out of the way a bit - and it turned out that my beloved friend Shimmy was having some issues with his job situation. There might be a bunch of reasons for the crazy unstability he was experiencing (and he has been experiencing the oddest spell of work instability for a while now), and she told me he needed chearing up. As easy as that, we decided to meet today for brunch.The place we selected is close to where I leave, and it's a quaint coffeeshop called Kawah Café. I love it not only for the beauty of its covered terrace and the soft peacefulness of the little garden, but also because if their dedication to their coffee. My friend Shimmy is quite a coffee connoisseur, so Are and I knew he was bound to love Kawah.

We met at 10 a.m., a more than perfect time for a brunch, and ordered a traditional breakfast for Shimmy and two pinto-bowls for Are and I. Pinto us a traditional Costa Rican breakfast food where the rice and black beans are mixed together, cooked in a pan and seasoned with different thngs depending on the liking of people. It usually comes with some tortillas, one or two eggs, fresh cheese or fried chorizo (a sort of sausage), fried plátano (cooking banana) and sour cream or Lizano sauce (or both). In the bowl we had the pinto mixed with fresh, melted cheese, diced tomato, diced avocado and topped with a fried egg. It was to die for!

We had a wondeful chat about everything that has been going on in our lives, and when we talked about issues, we discussed some witchy ways and techniques to invite the good into our daily lives. I had picked a few crystals from my personal collection (not like I have any other collection, mind you), which I first have held in my hand to fill them with my love and good wishes, and suggested them a small ritual mostly inspired in Mercuralia and the realm under the control of Mercury. I know I see Mercury like the go-to-god for almost everything, but really, this was totally a work that fell square under his protection. I hope it will help them.

Source: Property of Stormberry

Our chat extended quite long, and since I had some courtesy movie tickets, we decided to cash some to go watch the movie Dark Phoenix. Yes, and X-Men movie, and I'm not a fan of X-Men. Truth to be told, the more I know and I get to know about the comic universe, I find that I am more and more a DC fan than a Marvel fan. The women are hotter, and the men are quite hot too. And now, with the new CW series of Batwoman with Ruby Rose I am head over heel.

I have heard bad reviews from most people about this movie - Dark Phoenix, not Batwoman! - and the people liking it didn't quite strike me as reliable, but I wanted to see the movie because of Sophie Turner - better known as Sansa - and boy she was hot! Michael Fassbender was there, and so was James McAvoy and Jennifer Lawrence, but I was actually watching only Sophie Turner. And she was hot. Other than that the movie sucked big time.

All the make up - both in mutant as in human form - was amateurish, and the costumes couldn't be cheaper or a worse fit. The story was weak and the point of yhe whole thing... well, there wa no point, only to see Sansa one last time.

Source: Property of Stormberry

After that, we went to have lunch-diner at an Asian restaurant called P.F.Chang's, that was a wondeful, wonderful experience. Both Are and Shimmy love Asian food - though in Are's case, she learned to love to as she started dating Shimmy. Their wedding, which is the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended, was also Asian themed - and they were taken off their feet with the kindness, the readiness, the presentation and the flavours of everything we've ordered.

Our "brunch" extended well into the early night, when we said good-byes after having poured out our hearts and filled them with friendly love and happiness.

It was so lovely to sit with them and feel like part of the family, sharing the food , joking, hugging and smiling big, open smiles. We have promised ourselves and each other to keep up the meetings. You see, life can be very, very busy and we can get easily overwhelmed, but if we make the purpose of breaking away a little slice of time to share with friend, and share the love, then the rest of our tasks and worries will be less. A smile in the heart and the memory of great time spent in the company of loved ones is always the best possible spell to cast over our days to make them brighter and better.

Readings

Today I learned a new, disturbing thing: there's something called "red pill" and there are "red pill books". This is not actually important to what I want to talk about - though I haven't yet formed the whole idea of that - but it's in the top of my mind right now, and I want it out. So, this Red Pill thing has a bit to do with that iconic scene in the Matrix, where Neo is offered to take a Blue Pill (everything goes back to normal) or a Red Pill (open your eyes to the truth). In the context I saw it - it was in relation to suggested Red Pill Books - it wants to indicate harsh realities, naked truth and the ugly underside of life. It is also related to communities that concentrate men reacting against feminism and what they perceive to be feminism.

Really people, stop the stupid.

So, today - aside from that moment of shock at facing one of the sides of mankind's appaling stupidity - I'm quite happy. Tired, sleepy, and a bit behind with my readings, BUT happy. Part of it is because yesterday I've got my German test back and lo and behold, I've got a very good grade. Yay! Not that I think I know German, of course, but after profusely praying and begging to the Gods to help me, it did happen. It was weird, because I do felt like it went well - which happens even when I don't do that well - but I was surprised to notice that one of my friends, who usually excel at test, didn't do as well. Be it as it may, I did well and I am happy.

I'm also quite pleased with the book I'm reading... that is not in German, namely Game of Thrones from the saga A Song of Ice and Fire. I'm loving the book, and I want to do nothing but read all day long (the idea of taking out a few days of holidays to stay at home and read hand indeed crossed my mind), which is not so good, because I'm fallin back on my reading of Der Vorleser, by Bernhard Schlink, which is the one we are reading for the German Reading Club or Lesenklub, as we call it. Im Krebsgang is currently held back, while I push myself up to speed.

Three books at once... Kids, I really hate doing this. It's not funny, but I can't stop now.

I'm walking around with a backpack full of stuff, which includes my copy of Game of Thrones in a book sleeve, my Kindle and a notebook in which I take notes about Der Vorleser... in another book sleeve, and my journal... in a third booksleeve. It's uncomfortable, stupid... and I can't let them go. Life is crazy.

I still have other to-dos to tackle, such as run the fixings on the half of my marketing thesis that's already ready, and for which the comment of my tutor and advisers is "it's such a good text, so well written, so..." And I'm not feeling it. I feel like I underperform because I'm bored, and nobody notice it, but rather celebrate it like I've written an eloquent piece unveiling the secrets of the universe. It unnerves me. It's not arrogance, it's disdain at the poor levels required from the students.

Another to-do is starting the enrolling for the Masters Degree in Economics. Back to the Alma Mater and my beloved Economics. Boy, that does make my heart skip a beat.

I'm floating in a world of unformed, unmade, unthought ways. Plans are still up in the air, half cooked, and I'm waiting to land.

Starting a New Book

Source: Property of Stormberry

Two years ago - or shall I say, "two International Book Fairs ago" - I've got myself the (then) complete collection of available "Game of Thrones" books, or the five first books from the saga "A Song of Ice and Fire". I did intended to read it, but as always, I never really put a date for it. I remember back then I was still friends with this girl Margie, and she either had read it or was about ti, and I've got the fever of it too. 

Two Book Fairs have come and gone since then, Margie and I are no longer friends (I think. We haven't spoken since I called her out about her dramatics, so there is a certain degree of certainty that our friendship is over), and now the saga comes forth thanks to the Joint Reading I signed up on, thanks to the initiative of a local booktuber. I had actually planned on reading "The Seven Husbands if Evelyn Hugo", or maybe embark on "Song of Achilles" to follow then with "Circe", but this idea came forth, and I thought to myself "why not?".

Truth to be told, I'm a bit nervous about this book, because I have not made my mind about the story and the characters, after having seen the series. HBO's Game of Thrones failed to really engage me, and - based on the acting - I was more invested in the Lanisters than anybody else.

As it is, I've found myself in the position I don't like as a reader: reasing several books at the same time. I'm still trying to finish Im Krebsgang by Günter Grass, really invested in Der Vorleser by Bernhard Schlink, and now I add this to my pile. We shall see how this goes on forward.

Thoughts on Manipulative Friends

Source: Tumblr
Shallon Lester's Channel

One of the vloggers I follow in YouTube is Shallon Lester, a former magazine editor, who now gives relationship advise online. I have seen several of her videos, and though I don't agree with all of her advises, I always enjoy her videos and her style.

Something she does in her channel is to psychoanalyze drama among celebrities and their private life. What she does isn't going for the gossip - though she does benefit from it - but also to teach people lessons about themselves and the people around them by using behaviors widely known through the media to pinpoint what people can also encounter in their lives.

The last video I saw touched on the current drama between beauty vloggers Tati Westbrook and James Charles, in order to talk about manipulative friends.

The topic of manipulative friends hits me close because I have had to deal with those. I mean, if you read my blog you probably know about those cases, right? Yes, it's not pretty but it happens and we need to be prepared to del with it.

I have a friend who is married and he's not very happy with his spouse. We talked recently - he has taken time to open up to me about his marital issues - and he said that though he wasn't happy, he was chosing to do the "right thing" rather than what he really wanted and what made him happy. I didn't say much - with words - but me being as transparent as a glass of beer, probably let him know what I thought: "you are being profoundly stupid". Now, judging and finding solutions from the outside is very easy, but it's not as simple when you are IN the situation. That's why it happens that you can be very good at giving relationship advises to others, but you still get yourself in all sorts of relationship jammies. Why is that? Because when we are IN a situation, we usually don't have the panoramic view people not involved in it have. When we are in the situation we find it hard to untangle, to be objective, to see the good and the bad, and we are subject to emotional pressure.

Now, the thing here is that we are also vulnerable to these same things with our friends, with the additional threat of us being less prepare and less suspectful since we think friendships are much safer than romantic relationships. Just think about that. In a romantic relationship you prepare yourself to suspect your partner of cheating, of being with you for your money, your connections, your looks, your status, or because you are just a device for them to fulfill a life goal: it's not you, but the ring you can put on their finger, or the ring they can put on your finger.

With friendships, we often tend to believe they are honest, serious, and when they are not, they tend to be scarce enough to be filed as "acquintances", so you don't worry. We also think that the "bad friends" are easy to spot, because they will pressure you for money, or ask you to bail them, be their guarantors for loand they then want to leave on to you and so on. We are not prepared for the manipulative friends that seek to leech on you in other ways.

Shallon Lester mentions as manipulative friends the people that are very self-centered and who talk only about their endless problems, and it's always the same issue. Here I want to make a distintion. There are friends who have a specific type of problem that is either eternal or cyclic, like issues with their job or issues with an illness or a family health problem. Yes, there are limits for that as well, BUT we can also understand when a person always talks about their problems in these topics.

What makes the difference - for me - is when the recurring issue is something the person can't really escape, and is bound to keep struggling with. An issue with a job can't always be fixed with resigning or looking for a change in positions, specially not when the market is in turmoil. People are also bound to their jobs because of the income and obligations they carry, like loans, mortgage, supporting their family, and so on. Health issues also take much of the attention and energy of the people. Being there to let them vent is important for them.

However, a friend who is going through these struggles will also ask you about your life, your issues and pay active attention to them.

By no means, a stressful job or a health/family issue entitles someone to monopolize the conversation.

Curiously, as a Childfree person, I have noticed this with some friends and acquintances who are parents: all topics are always child related, and if you try to go to a non-child related one either they veer from it, or just stare at you while you say your piece, and then go back to a child-topic. Now, 1) this is also a way of manipulation, by diminishing your topics and your issues, compared to theirs, and 2) beware because this is not a "parent thing", but a thing manipulative people do. I'd given you the example with the "child topic", because we all have had that new-parent friend who gets lost in parenthood, even though later they get out of it, but we know the experience.

So, when you are with someone and you feel like something is just not ok, you feel a bit bad or shamed, take a second to compare the situation with that "new parent" hype. If it fits, you are talking to a manipulative person, and they are casting their net on you.

Manipulative people monopolize the time, the conversation and/or the situation. It's always THEIR problems, THEIR issues, THEIR concerns, even when they are not presenting them as theirs. For instance, the friend that every so often comes to you crying about how much they are suffering by witnessing the suffering of someone else. Be it a family member, a close friend, a dear colleague... they pick someone who is close to them, or are portrayed as close to them, and then paint a gloomy, terrible situation (whether it is real or not), that makes the person a helpless victim, and they (the manipulative friend) is forced to witness it, wants so desperately to help BUT can't do anything. This last part is crucial because it ensures pity ON them, while looking at the same time so selfless and saint. There might be even a tear or two for dramatic effect and blocking logical thinking and trigger emotional response from the audience.

I used to have a friend who did this often, who used another friend to gain pity for herself. Curiously, when you talked to the martyred friend, they seemed to be absolutely ok. The cover of the manipulator? Oh, Martyr doesn't want others to know/notice. Does it ring a bell? You have no idea, how I wish it doesn't.

In other cases, the manipulator does use a real situation, a real problem of someone else - the Designated Martyr - in order to give their manipulation tools legitimacy. Here, the key one has to pay attention to is whether the issue can actually be fixed by the manipulator, and what is the manipulator doing to fix it. The issues manipulators pick are often the kind that can be milked for a long time. The longer they can exploit the topic, the longer they can command attention, earn pity/admiration and even get away with whatever they want.

Finally, here is the last element manipulators use to get their "reward": they often seek to push your boundaries. They get a boost, a victory when they can exert power over you by making you endure dissing, humiliations and other forms of disrespect. This is a way to state to you that they are more important than you: it sets a hierarchy among you, where they push themselves to a position - rather subtly - where they wistle and you jump. Part of the perk of these moves is that they are subtle enough to be easy to turn against you if you realize what's happening and complain.

What do I mean? For instance, the friend that's always late. Yes, we all are late from time to time, but there are people who seem to be chronically late and late by a lot. For me, the reasonable window to be late is five to ten minutes. I mean, consider traffic, finding a parking space, public transportation being late... A regular friend being late usually calls you to let you know they are going to be late. A manipulator won't tell you because part of their power trip is to keep you expecting, insecure. Manipulators also tend to make you wait for really long periods of time, often stretching into hours. It's usually a progressive thing, as they need to "train" their friends to just keep waiting. To "reward" the waiting friend, sometimes they shower them with excuses and copious amounts of apologies.

A rule of thumb here: someone who consistently makes the same offense or disrespectful action, and always apologizes for it, is placating you, not really apologizing. True apology is often followed by real efforts to correct the undesired behavior.

Now, being late and using tardiness to manipulate others is quite a textbook case, and easy to spot, but there are other, more conceited ways to bend other people's dignity and will to you, as a goal of manipulation. In this type of manipulation - into which chronic tardiness also falls - is about forcing others to accomodate to the manipulator. Instances can be the case of the person that always changes everybody's plans at the last minute, always dictate the whole program or part of it. A typical case would be that of the vegan friend with whom you always have to meet and go eat at vegan places. There are many excuses for this, such as "there are so little options for me in other restaurants" and "the menu says it's vegan, but they actually use animal byproducts in the dressing of the salad".

Again, I use a vegan individual in the example because this might be easier to spot, so it can be used as a template to discover similar behaviors, but think of the friend who always picks where do you go because "they can go to X place because there are so many memories there with their ex", or because "they have read the reviews", or "it's closer to their place, and they have so little time, since they have to take care of children/job/project/you-name-it".

This can also be the case of the friend who always picks the movie you are going to see, picks the seats, or picks where are you going for vacation and where are you staying. It's also the friend that orders for you at the restaurant quite often, usually disguising it as "you have to try this", or the friend that gives you tasks, or in any other way takes away your power of decision.

These forms of manipulation are particularly tricky, because if you react against them, the manipulator will always act surprised or offended, and turn the blame on you. They have a situation that's very difficult and you are not being understanding. They have so much work and they are trying so hard and you don't want to cooperate. They are trying to accomodate and make it good for everybody and you are being insensitive/spoiled/selfish.

Other forms to take power from you and manipulate you, is through making you suffer public humiliation or guilty tripping you. For instance, they can be prone to burst into tears at any thing, scream, throw temper tantrum... Things that are designed to make you feel bad, so that you will always do whatever there is in your power to keep these scenes from happening. If it happened once, rest assured it will happen again. Manipulators dose these incidents to keep the threat alive.

Ms. Lester gives a lot of good advise about how to deal with them, so I encourage you to look up her channel and check out some of her videos. If you ask me, I always go for the cut throat solution. Yes, I've been roped into these games, I have had hope my friends would enmend their ways and I have tried to minimize their antics. Experience has thought me that accomodating to manipulators and trying to softly undercut their antics only empower them more, because their realize you want them in your life, so they will keep playing on that and finding new ways to exploit you.

As I've grown older, my response to manipulators has been swifter, which as result has led me to lose those friendships. Then again, if I was being used as a toy for their instincts, was there really a friendship?

So here are my Cut Throat Advises:

1. You may allow the behavior once or twice, until you notice the pattern and can establish there is really a manipulative intent behind. Then, cut it.
2. There needs to be a facing of the facts with the manipulator. Ms. Lester recommends you frame your issues, when you confront your manipulator in "I feel" sentences. Here I tend to use two ways: the indirect one, where I answer behavior with behavior, and simply don't comply with the expectation of the manipulator, and the direct one, where I purposefully refuse to use softening phrases like "I feel", "I think" - which can be later used against you are a part of an argument of "everything is always about you and how YOU feel and what YOU think"- and rather state things in "you" sentences. Say things like "Don't talk to me like that", instead of "I don't like the way you sometimes talk to me", and don't fall for the trick of "What did I say?", or "When and what exactly did I do/say?". This is a favored trick of manipulators because memory is tricky, and they usually deal with subtext and tone, leaving their words purposefully open to interpretation. If they do that, don't answer, and if you are pressed reply something in the line of "don't add insult to injury", "I know you are smarter than that". The trick here turn their game: they want to make the problem about you, so you have to call them on it and place the problem on them.
3. If their game is tardiness, leave after 10 minutes and don't call them to let them know. If you call, you are opening a chance for them to keep you waiting. If they didn't call to tell you they'll be late, you have no obligation to call them to tell them that you are leaving.
4. If their game is changing plans at the last minute, you have to options: you stick to the original plan (and make previous arrangements to make sure you can go without the manipulator), or cancel them. If you cancel, don't go even if they set the original plan again. Show them there are consequences.
5. If their game is to take decisions away from you,  when the place is selected or the task given, tell them no. And stick to it.

Never be afraid of cutting a relationship with a manipulator person. Remember that you are in an illusion of a relationship, one where only you are. The relationship is a box, and you manipulator wants only to play.

Quick Notes of Books and Language

Blogging has been getting kind of hard for me lately. My head is really dispersed right now (and generally, but now more than usual) as I have (again) million plans in my head and everything seems to be floating up in the air like... space scraps. The most accurate way to write about this would be in the free format a paper journal can give you, with fragments of lines here and there, with no order, and maybe some collaged half pages in between. Alas, I can't afford that on blogger, so let me give you a first idea, a dump of those loose ideas in my head.

Why is it that someone 

who is good at his job has to go 

and someone who is a 

complete, lazy idiot can stay?

     Why is nobody here making the needed 

     connections between what has happened in 

     France Telecom/Orange and our current 

     Public Employment Scenario?

        There is people out there, 

        whose lives are so meaningless, 

        their days so grey, they seek for 

        adventure through manifacturing troubles.

There is people out there 

who rather escape their real problems 

by creating a series of inflatable fake ones.

          People minding other people's 

          businesses are unwilling to 

          face their own.

I'm so uninterested in my Marketing degree.

What settles my mind right now is German. Yes, odd as it sounds, learning and reading German - with all its difficulties, settles my mind. Today I have classes, and I would rather not go. I just... don't feel it. But I'll power through it and I will go, because otherwise I know I won't fare well enough at the next test. I do want to learn, but the classes are taking a toll on my mood.

Source: Wikipedia

Curiously, though, I find the Lesenklub very satisfactory and I look forward to each day we meet. My tongue loosens then and I speak freely - mistakes and all. I enjoy the reading (we are currently reading Der Vorleser, by Bernhard Schlink), and I'm always full of ideas. I am thinking really about giving up the lessons and just concentrate on the reading club.

This is a thought I've been playing around with. It does upset me that though I am in an advanced language class, I just don't feel like I know enough. I imagine that it must be a struggle for the teacher to keep us interested in the class, but half way through it my mind is uncooperating and rather amuses itself by thinking up things in French. I just no longer enjoy the classes. Yes, I want to learn, I want to know, I want to gobble up the knowledge, but I am terribly uninspired.

However, this does not happen with the Lesenklub, where I spy the clock wishing the minutes to walk as slow as possible. It's half as long as the class, and it's not nearly enough. I haven't taken a break from German since I've started, and I'm pushing through it for as long as I can, as long as it lasts, but now, it's like shoveling money to something that' not giving me much (or anything) since... a year or so? Things come and go through my mind, but nothing stays.

This is the main issue occupying my thoughts. (That I can talk about here.)

Quick Thoughts: Religious Diversity

Source: Villanova University

I've had a hard time picking a picture for this post, because most of the options available with Google Images (my source of choice), because most of the images the search of "religious diversity" brings up do not include the pentacle many pagans use as their symbol (I know I do, even when I'm not Wiccan).

Recently a group of our Representatives at Congress, have been pushing for a law to erradicate the official religion of our country. Our country is officially Catholic. Why is this important? Well, you can believe whatever you want, but the State supports economically only the Catholic Church.

Some of our representatives want to push that out entirely, eliminate the State's sponsoring of the Church and rip religion out of the State's affairs. These are the representatives that push for a Laic State. A good idea, if you ask me. One of our representatives - if I am not mistaken - said something to the effect, that religion and religious believes are a personal matter, while the Government is a public matter. Those against claim that God needs to be IN the Government in order to ensure good customs and moral values are upheld.

Um... well, currently we have an official religion, and over a quarter of our representatives belong to a party openly evangelical. Still, we have high rates of violence against women, our LGBTQAI+ community members have been harrassed and jumped when the zeal of evangelical religiousness hit a peak during the last elections, we have drug issues, raining unemployment, rampant corruption... So, which good customs and moral values would that be?

Another faction of the representatives want don't want exactly the Laic State, but want to get rid of the official religion and estate a multi-confessional State, where every religion gets money from the State. Not like there is any money for it, as the recent tax plans and tax disasters prove, and nor like it will be more in the future, as the Public Employment Law and the coming projects seem to vaticinate. But furthermore, this is a project by an interested party, a representative of an evangelical party.

I'm amazed they have not been dissolved, as in the last elections they broke the law by using the Church and the preachers to push their political message. This is forbidden by our Constitution. They say things like "They serve the Law of God, which is above the Law of Men", which... why do they even are at the heart of the Law of Men? Why? They want to secure more money, it seems. Through the Law of Men. The thing is that, in their shortsightedness, they forget that "religions" do not mean only the different factions within the christian religion. They forget that those religions they work so hard to discredit, to demonize are also religions. Their project would reach them too. Or will they make a rule to keep the pagans out?

It's so maddening when the people who go are the first to try and eliminate competing religions and systems of belief, are also the first to decry injustice and demand religious tolerance... for them.

Source: The Dragon Keep