Thoughts on Writting Letters

Two letters sent and two more to go. My fingers, my right hand hurts quite some, but I'm happy. I reached out to my friends! To more letters to read, to reply, to send on their way... and then go back to receive them in my old, metal P.O. Box, replying them and knowing that the friends that get my letters within the week, will get them now - maybe - within a month.

It's weird, but I'm getting a little bit giddy about going back to Costa Rica. Yes, yes, I should be sad and sappy, and half of me is - really! - but the other side is thinking "I'll see my friends again!" and "Man! I can grab Sookie (my car) and go for the weekend to Limón (Caribbean province) or to Jacó (beach at the Pacific Ocean)!". And though we all know that the Postal Service in Costa Rica sucks the big banana, I can't wait to send postcards to my friends about our beaches, our vulcanoes and our cities. Yes, I've got a little bit crazy about postcards and have been probably annoying my friends with them. (Wonder if I've sent any postcards to Trish... I think I don't... It kinda feels weird to send her a post card because I feel that's like sending a postcard to your nextdoor neighbour. Really, since she came back from the States I feel like she's the girl next door, like instead of posting her letters I should be slipping them under her door! Weird, huh?)

Hyne, I feel like getting our my post card stash and write some postcards to my friends. :-)

In one of the letters I've replied, a friend of mine told me about a sad case where some friends of hers, who became parents a few years ago, had taken advantage of their new status and her willingness to accomodate to their needs in order to impose. My friend isn't a childfree person like me, at least I think so, so her relating me about how when she asked her friends to please accomodate a little for her, and they refused, threw me aback. 

I really don't get this attitude. To protect the inocent I'll relate the story changing a few minor things, but the idea remains untouched. So, my friend  Veronica has these friends from long time ago - Jenny and Ben -, who fell in love with each other, married and then had a daughter, Elena. Before Elena was born, Veronica, Ben and Jenny went out every weekend or visited each other, to get a coffee and catch up. Veronica spent lots of time in their first place, and then the new home they've got when they were expecting the baby, and Jenny and Ben also spent lots of time at Veronica's place. In those days, they even had a few places they loved to visit, coffee houses and bars where they already felt at home. However, since Elena take up all the time of the new Mom and Daddy, stopped visiting, and told Veronica that they prefered if she would visit them, since the baby was so small. For over six years Veronica visited dutifully her friends, often feeling like an intruder, or being left alone in the kitchen while both parents rushed to tend the whailing girl.

Veronica, who got married in the mean time, but didn't have any children yet by herself, wrote this off to "mornal parent stuff". The topic of "Elena" and everything that was about Elena permeated the conversation to such a degree, that Jenny and Ben seemed to constantly dominate the conversation. Veronica had no experiences of her own to share, and her polite questions about day care and diapers were quickly exhausted. She tried to bring in the old topics they had, like new movies or books, but each time her friends reacted uninterested and cold, brushing off the subject with a patronizing "well, we have Elena now, we don't have time for those things".

Veronica still kept up with them, visited them and tried to find in the obsessive parents who spoke of things that had nothing to do with her life, the great friends she used to have. So, when Veronica got into school, and was spending time over Ben's parents while Ben or Jenny came home from work, she thought about asking them to go back to their old visiting habit, and kindly invited them to her place for a quick coffee. Her husband, an awesome architect, and her had moved to a new place - actually closer to Jenny and Ben - and she wanted to show them the gorgeous skylight he had designed.

Jenny and Ben told her simply, "no". Veronica first thought she understood wrong, so she rephrased, and expended her invitation to them, to which her friends said that they didn't like visiting anymore, and if she wanted to keep in contact with them, she should be the one visiting them, in their home and at their convenience.

Veronica's case isn't the first such I hear, and though the ones imposing this way on their friends are usually parents (though we all know I once had a friend who wasn't married, not had kids, who liked to impose of their friends this way), the funny thing is that we all know many parents - new Mommies and Dadies that still make it and are still able to keep up their regular lives and regular friends. Sure, they can't drop to a party anytime they want, but I certainly know many people who are parents to manage to continue their lives while attending their children. They work, the study, the keep up their hobbies, tend their pets, and meet with friends. How come that for some people becoming a parent basically equals becoming socially disabled, while for others becoming a parent simply means that they have more responsabilities and that they simply have to manage more tasks.

Becoming a parent isn't equal to becoming stupid or imposing, but I do think that some people are really like that, want to feel served by others, want to lord and impose over others, and they take parenthood as an excuse to do so.

I hope my friend gets to sort out the situation with her friends and makes the best possible decision.