As part of my List of 13 (which I didn't publish this time, I know), I was to write down the Principles and Values I uphold. Even though I praise myself of knowing myself well, this one task ended up being harder than I expected it to be, specially because though I may be clear within myself about what I hold important and which are the rules and standards I hold myself to (or try hard to), when it comes to put them on paper it's not so easy. I gathered them up in my Book of Ideas - which was the best place to put them, since I also wrote in it about what my believes are - and that's a "chapter" that took up quite some pages, and I feel that I'm still not done with it.
With my believes I could extend myself, and my only problem was to decide where should I end, which believes would be enough for me to write into the book without turning the whole project into a million volume book series, where all those millions of books are all about my believes. (Eventually I decided to include basically my religious views and basic views on good and evil. The rest, such as my thoughts on Freedom and Independence, Life and Death, Equality, Tolerance and Purpose would receive separated chapters later on if I feel so, or just add them later as adendums.) However, when it came about my principles and values, I found myself strugging for the most acurate way to write them down. In this exercise I found out that often trying to simplyfy, summarize or gather up thoughts and stands on a couple of words may induce to error, as often we have a believe or hold up a value, but designing it with one word, making it absolute would corrupt our original stand, and twist away our message.
For instance, one of my values is "Honesty". I believe in honesty towards oneself, but not necesarily towards others. I believe in "sincerity" towards others (Sincerity is not telling lies, Honesty is telling the truth), though I also admit that white lies have their place and often sincerity can cause more damage than a well chosen lie - just refer to Diplomacy, which in my personal opinion is basically the nice word for hypocrisy, as well as etiquette - which is also another word for hypocrisy, though on a different level. If you take as value "honesty" in an absolute sense, you could end up doing more damage than good, as by your principles - if you follow them - you'd have to tell always the truth about everything - even stuff that hasn't even been asked from you (that's the main difference with sincerity, since sincerity allows you to keep parts of the truth to yourself, which are not asked upon) - and not everybody is equally receptive (not to mention that what you see to be true, might not be the truth for someone else).
I believe you must be brutally honest with yourself, don't kid yourself, don't lie to yourself, but when it comes to others, you often have to choose what to tell them. For instance, you won't tell a child suffering from cancer that they'll never get better, but will die among terrible pains. You tell them "I think you are looking better and better everyday!".
Just like this, other values can be opened up and interpreted in hundreds of ways that do not fit your actual values, those you know in your heart and mind, but maybe not in proper word. We can't talk, for instance, about being "tolerant", when we really are not. If you say you are tolerant, you should also tolerate intolerant people, criminals, people who hurt you, those with values that contradict yours and so on. Even saying that you are "tolerant of diversity" or "accepting diversity" opens up the same doors. Being a wifebeater or a manhater, a murdering tyrant or a racist xenophobic person is part of diversity. I tolerate and support many things, but I can't say I'm tolerant, because I am not. I'm intolerant. I can't stand stupid people and stupidity, and that's only one of the many things I do not tolerate. So am I tolerant? No. Does that make me intolerant? No, because I'm not intolerant of everything.
The exercise has been wonderful, and though I wrote up my list or declaration, I believe there's still room for adding, changing and improving, it has already put order in my mind, and helped me understand things. It made it clear for me, that what matters in a declaration like this isn't to write these things down, but to meditate upon them, and keep the initiative for as long as it's actual in your life. Don't use these words, these lists, these declarations to limit yourself, to push yourself, to force yourself, but rather to remind yourself of who you are, what you are, and what's your frame, so if one day you lose yourself, if one day you are uncertain about what should you do, you can look over these words of yours and remember, what's inside your heart, and act accordingly.
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