Less Productive Than Expected

Weekends are no longer what they used to be. Two days made for catch up. I have to finish this report for Tuesday, and though I don't have all the files I would need to, and really, Boss, why wouldn't you for once actually check up on this shit and give me the shit I need to do it in time?, I really want, need to hold up my end of the responsability. Perhaps that's also why the flu came down on me so bad. Or maybe it wasn't as much as "bad" as it was "inutilizing". Does that word exist? Because that's what happened to me: I was "neutralized", made unable to work all Friday night and all Saturday. It tortured me that I couldn't do any work to get ahead with it and finish the report on time. Specially because add to it, I still have a Memo to answer, which hasn't been reviewed by my dear boss, who really should consider give me only as much work as he can follow in time. Why does he want me to write so many reports when he can't read them? Oh, and that request of "more comprehensive executive summaries" like it is not covering the "I really want to see a big report, but since there's not a single soul here who would read the entire things, because, really, everybody working here is a major lazy ass, we would need all this 40-page analysis summarized in a page... WITH BULLETS." I no wanna tell you which bullets I would use to make it sink.

Anyway, 50% of the job still managed to get done, now I need the entire information flowing in tomorrow so I can compile a decent report instead of the half assed shit it could end up being but which is "okay" because "it's just so we give something to the boss".

Someone said once that I had a sucky luck because I always had bad bosses. I beg to differ. I have "sucky bosses" because I work for the Government, where everybody with some power needs to suck ass big time or they will lose their position, and since smost people is too in love with "power" and "hierarchy", they give up everything, even their shame and ethics in order to keep whatever little piece of their chieftenship. It is truly disappointing. Why do I have "sucky bosses"? Because all bosses I have mer so far are incompetent, uninterested and dishonest enough to fill a position for which they are not prepared.

Oh well, I'll do my job, will be good at it and then...

It is hard to be the only thinking person around.

People act without thinking these days. Roo comes here pretending everything will be fine and dandy without giving us enough time to prepare for the trip. I hope she has her own plans because there's only so much we can do to fit her. However, I'm starting to have my doubts about her going with me to Hungary in December. This has to be planned months ahead or we won't have space in the plane, nor space in the hotels. Add to it, we have to squeeze four countries in three weeks, and that's a whole lot and a whole lot of planning, and making reservations. Ain't easy. We have grown apart and now I don't feeli like I can relay on her like I used to. She's also too hurting for my taste and though back then it would slide off me, now it shocks me the way she says things and throw insults freely around with no-base judgement, just her own fucked up conceptions of life. Dude, that's harsh and people owe to feel offended by it.

Gojira... damned, is he still my friend? He's so far away and his thoughts, the things he scribbles up in the messages of his multiple messanger motors revolt me. When has he become a pile of corny "thoughts"? "There's not "love" but his female friends are his blessing and all the love he needs until one of his female friends decide to see something more in him"? Is there the extended version to say "I'm a loser horndog waiting for a pity fuck"? How low can people fall? I love him, but what do I love about him? I love the real him or do I love only the last image I have of him, probably a fake one about a guy raising above the shit he had been sunk in and making someone of himself? I know who I love and what he looks like, but does he live only in my head or also outside of it?

The world if full with disappointing people, like Kati, the latest girlfriend of my friend Jules. Boy, if she's some disappointing, sneaking, lying bitch...

It's Not Like it's not Important, Though

Save it. Please just do so. I shoudln't even be writting right now since I have this Network Performance Report to write, BUT since one of the weekly reports is missing, how in the Fucking Hell, would you FUCKING expect me to FUCKING write the Fucking Shit? Make it up? Pretend it was never there? Shit, right. Like I do that.

So, you brownse the news papers and you think:

1. Either she was hunt down and killed
2. She has been arrested and is somewhere in Guantanamo
3. She realized what a bunch of political shit she's writing about and decided to quit.

Neither. I believe the things I write, so I won't stop writing them because people don't like them. Sorry, but the things happen in the world I live in and I have the right to express my opinion about them. Then, I have not died, I've just been transferred to a new office where I have loads of work to do, so I can't spend that much time here. So why didn't I say a word about Darfur, Kenya, Tchad or Cameroon? Because I had no time. Same with Timor. No time. Then again, I guess time is something that stands in such a limited quantity, we all shall see how to make the best of it. That or it can also depend of the things that are demanded from us. Job, Family, Business, significant other, responsabilities, law... and so on and on and on. Are we the owners of our own time? Why is it that we let others take a chunk of it? It is the price of company, of "means", of peace, I guess. Independence, freedom can only give us back so much of it. Solitude... it only guarantees us so much of it.

Oh well, some positions came with the added functions, plus tasks, and it ain't like I mind that at all, au contraire ! I love it, but it would be so nice if the rest of the crew would share my passion for doing the job, and would actually provide me with useful feedback.

I'm sick again. Down with the flu. Oh damned. I hate being sick. then, which is better: the mental sickness or the physical one? Am I rather emotionally disturbed, stressed out or struggling with flu? Stress doesn't make my nose run. Doesn't give me fever. doesn't make me sweat. And it gives me happy-pills. ^_^ Happy pills are good. Then again, the muscle relaxants are groovey as well. Once a doc gave me a relaxant and it worked within 20 minutes. It was like being at the beach. Dude, you gara get a hold of that stuff!!!! Makes you feel like Carlos Slim!

I have a few issues to talk about, things that worry me and then some other things I just can't get myself through, but I dunno whether I should write them down here or with Hókisasszony. It's a matter of relationships. I'll still mull on it a little bit before I put it down in words.

I received a --- shit, I haven't checked my news mail! Oh well. So, I received a letter from this chick Xenasoul, an old acquintance from my lj days. She wrote me a "comment" to my old lj, Locky The Bunny, telling me she missed and she was wondering whether I was still into the Krumggory. Oh dear, when was the last time I actually worried or busied myself with fanfics? Ages ago. Haven't wrote anything, truth, and the last thing I actually worked on was ... a fanfic, but it has been a while. Can I still write fics? I've been adjusting my mind to keep working on some of my novels, as now even though some ideas still come to me as Krumggory-plots, I can easly translate them to original stories. Only have to work on ripping myself out of the gay-sex world and into other topics. Mystery? Death? Pain and emotional issues are by far my favorite topic. Should go on writing the books I wish to read.

Kinda that's how I write: I write what I need, what I miss and what the world fails to give me literature-wise. That's why I wrote Krumggories and Snockharts: there were not nearly enough and definitivelly not written in the fashion I wanted to read.

After Xena's question, I went back to my writings and checked some of my old fics. Found myself tracing the words of Scholomance. Each time I read my unfinished fanfics, my unfinished stories, I think I should sit and write them. But can I finish them? I don't like finishing them, specially not when they have become long stories. What would I do when they are done and I can't go back to write them? It's one of the worst, most empty feelings in the world. The stories are good, or at least I like them, but I wonder if I still have it in me to write them. Can I seclude myself again into that childish, tiny world? Maybe I still can work the Krumggories, since I have found a few personal topics, some issues that are still inside me and which I can work out with them, but can I write something else? I've been trying, to just picture it, but no. Well, these things things hardly stick with me for long.

Labor

Today Forbes cries upon the cruel reality of Child Labor in India... and other "less developped countries". Yes, it is a terrible reality, and yes, children should be in school and not being exploited for endless hours in sweatshops and farmfields. Or anywhere else. Pick up this issue and read it. Shake your head disapprovingly at how purses, carpets and cobble stones that look so good in HGTV are made by children paid five cents and hour, money they don't see because it's paid to the parents of the kids. Sentences come and go. "When the child works the parent (usually) don't." Target, Macy's, GapKids, Lowe's, Home Depot and others are mentioned as enterprises that sell goods made by kids. Oh, they are horrified and insist that they make sure none of their goods is manufactured by kids. The journalist takes a harsh tone, shakes its head and gives that tone of "yeah, they insist".

What do the enterprises do? They cut the quota bought from child employers. Yeah, I see how bad that is. Uhum. And the journalist shakes its head. What to do? Well, denounce them.

Don't be such an ass. IF the enterprises don't wish to sell stuff or make business with child labor users, then do not buy from that country.

Christian's Birthday