Jul 31, 2019

Defense: Why Are We So Afraid of It?

Reading Rush Week ended last week and this week many booktubers and bookstagrammers came out of it feeling a bit out of space and not knowing what to do with themselves. This was a very intense week for those participating, as many content creators and readers usually don't read seven books in a week. And if you throw into it also creating reading rush daily dare/tasks and publishing them, well, yes, there was no time for living.

When it was all done and finished, many posted how many books they managed to read and how many pages. One of these content creators is a friend of mine, and she succeeded in the Rush. Proudly, she shared with the world her reading statistics for this rush. Under her post, a hater started calling her a liar and telling her she cheated and probably didn't even understood the books for how fast "she read". She was clearly affected - because she's really such a nice girl - and so she let know her closest friends about it, and we went to see what was going on.

It was a case of a cyberbully, a troll, who likes to attack people in general on invented arguments. She has the blessing of having an entourage that went out like a swarm of wasps and dug up all the date on the bully, so we could understand his behavior better. We knew then that hewas harassing all sorts of influencers and people in the book community with similar comments: people can't possibly read that fast, it's biologically, mathematically and statistically impossible, and so on. Some of us replied to him - I was a meanie and blocked him, so I laughed because then I heard he attacked me, BUT I could not hear him, so I gave him what he hates the most: zero attention - and then we advised her to block him. She was uncertain because she feared he would go mad, but after a whole day under his attack - despite of her sustained silence - she decided to block him.

Source: taken from Black Witch Coven. Please give them <3 td="">
This got me thinking about what we do and how we react to harassment and abuse. Why is it that WE are the ones being harassed, being insulted, abused, AND still we do not want to offend our abusers? Yes, there is a measure of fear, because we think things could be worse if we "provoke" them.

In some cultures more than others, people tend to lean toward polite, non-confrontational or passive behavior, and they expect people to notice they are being mean and then stop doing it. We often think others are just like we are, and just because we would feel bad about attacking someone else, we think others would feel bad about it too. The thing is that bullies don't work like that, instead they profit from the tendency on people not to call them out because that allows them to keep abusing their victims. They thrive on the space you give them and abuse of your politeness and social expectations. But also, as you allow them to continue abusing you, they grow bolder and bolder, so by the time you finally reach your limit and decide to cut them off or stop them, it would be much harder than at the begining. They have worn you out, they have grown stronger and they know your weak spots.

It's kind of similar to when someone mistreats you, you cut them off and them forgive them, allow them back in and they resume their abuse, only the second time around it will be harder to stop because they know you how to get you to forgive them and receive them back. The longer you take abuse from a troll, the more they know how much are you willing to give and how much you are afraid of escalation.

Facing bullying online is "easier" in the sense that we can block the person. Just block the given person's user and all their access to you. Black list them, make yourself unreachable, report them... go the whole nine yards. It is harder in real life because we could be physically threatened or we could be in a position where our abuser have power over us through emotional, familiar, work or study related means. We can't block people in real life with a button, and sometimes we can't draw a hard line, but there are things we can do.

Online, let's defend ourselves not by antagonizing the troll (although I did that, just because I felt like ticking them and run), but by taking away their platform and block them. No need to explain, no need to reply, just block and erase. You owe them nothing and you don't need to give them nothing. Blocking them from your social media or your e-mails and chats isn't an attack on "freedom of speech". If they want to express themselves, they can get a blog or pay and add in a newspaper.

In real life, limit your interactions with them, avoid being alone with them, or alone with them and the people that get on their side. If you need to interact with them, don't give them explanations: be short and get away. Be not afraid of walking away the moment they start harassing you. And start looking for ways to either move or report them. Talk to others, create a support system around yourself, talk it out. Sometimes your friends can come up with clever solutions for your issues. Talk, listen and protect yourself.

There are no easy, quick solutions for harassment, but we must remember (or try to) that we can do something to fight it.

Jul 29, 2019

A Week in and a Week Out

I was supposed to blog last week, and I did have stuff to write about, but I didn't. Not like you haven't noticed that, mind you, but I just noticed. And now a key on my keyboard isn't working, and that's driving me up the wall.

So, I have a few things I should be taking care of, even though I'm not doing it fully. What's on my To Do List is:

  1. Work on my Marketing thesis, specifically on chapters 4 and 5.
  2. Do my German homework for tomorrow
  3. Check the rest of the chapter for tomorrow's German lesson
  4. Read the next three chapters of Die Welle for the German Book Club
  5. Secure an interview for the thesis with a group of people at work.
  6. Check on the things I need to know about the new Tax Reform.
  7. Update the accountings I'm doing
  8. Advance some in reading Clash of Kings.
Property of Stormberry
Ok, that last one is for fun, but still...

Today I took vacations from the office to be able to submit my application for a Political Economics Academic Masters Degree at my old university. It's not exactly with the University, but a research center that works tightly with it, and which I believe has been formed within the university.

I knew that the new coordinator is a guy that used to be a classmate of mine back in the day, but today as I saw him my heart exploded out of my chest. I was so very happy and so full of love! I don't know if I can explain this feeling fully, but I was so very happy to see him, and so happy at the prospect of have him in my life again. Like reuniting with a long lost dear friend or a relative.

For this Masters program there were a bunch of requirements that took me a while to complete, and I think I was missing one of them, though probably was one of those you don't really need, since when I submitted my pack it was all checked and the lady that got my papers was elated that I was from the UNA. She kept gushing about how she was so happy I was enrolling because it was always good to have students that understood the system and the requirements. I felt so at home, and I almost told her: "I know! I also was missing putting my brain to good use". Not a nice thing to say, but not for it less true.

I was also so taken off my back with my former classmate, who was looking so, so well, so groomed, so sleek, so rested and happy... He showed me his office and it is the most spacious, beautiful office you could dream of. My face was splitting from so much smiling and awing and I did tell him he was probably one of the few of us who actually made it in life. He was so totally dear and sweet as to duck his face and blush. What a lovely, dear thing! I think I could hug him all day. I'm so, so happy for him, and it makes me happy too. And if all goes well, and next year I'll enroll in the Masters program and see him, I'll not only fill my head with fabulous, brand new knowledge, but I'll also fill my soul with the sight of him and his good fortune in life.

Isn't wonderful to see your dear ones succeed? I'm sure as hell are just... so blessed.

Work and homework and studies can wait. I need to bask in the beauty of this.

Now, last week we had the Reading Rush, an international bookish competition for book-content-creators, such as booktubers, bookstagrammers, book-podcasters and so on. The kids that signed in were supposed to read seven books in seven days, and several of my friends made it. I didn't even try it, because I know myself: if I set myself to such a hard competition, I'm going to get grumpy and balk. Or I'll do something stupid like when I get on a fitbit competition, and I would have taken the whole week out on vacations and would have read 14 books in the  gods know what time. Actually, in the whole week I read only one book - Red, White & Royal Blue -  and I didn't like it.

And talking about books I didn't like, can you believe I didn't like Call Me By Your Name? I don't get it, I loved the movie, I love the idea and I love the academic parlance. How is it possible I didn't like this book? But lo and behold, I didn't. I can't say I hated it because that's not true. It just... didn't perform to the standard I had held it up to. Red, White & Royal Blue was my leveling book, and.. it was good in the first quarter and then it just went down the sewer.

Why authors do that? Why can't they be consistent with quality and the expectation I have of them?

I've been also writig my novel, and... that's progressing. I though this part would be easier because I have so much material for this in my journals, but I just don't feel it. I'm just not feeling the love or the despair. One ofthe girls has read a bit of it, and she found it funny. I'm glad about that. I must take the good mood for as long as it lasts, because I don't know how will she react with the death fantasy I included.

Jul 17, 2019

Coffee Days with a Friend

Source: Property of Stormberry
Today is Wednesday, and for a while now Wednesdays are Coffee Date Days for my friend Arjen and I. She's all the way in Beligium while I'm here in Costa Rica, yet we do this coffee date, where on Wednesday morning (morning for each) we would send each other a picture of our coffee. This make our morning coffee more special because we are thinking of our us and - in my case - imagine a pleasant coversation about something.

Today I didn't get a coffee because I was out of coffee, but I sipped on a cup of red tea, and I let my thoughts wander for a while, as if I were seated at a table, in front of my beloved Arjen.

So, what was in my head? There are a lot of things going on in my life right now, but as I sipped my tea, I was thinking about this guy I'm sort of seeing, and whom I'm wondering about whether it is time to let him go. It's not really a relationship, more like a hook-up thing that has been dragging for a long time because it was pleasant and convenient, but now I wonder if it's time to cut all ties.

Another thing in my head was my thesis and how should I proceed forward. It's time to get on the last stretch of the track, buckle up for the last three chapters and have them rolling.

Boy, I'm really tired of this, and this particular degree is so unrewarding! I still don't feel it.

Finally, looming thoughts want to crowd my mind, but I rush them away thinking a tad about the novel I have started to write. It's so strange, but I smile at the thought of the dear friendship I will lose if that gets published. And I want it to get published.

How can one be happy at the thought of losing someone one loves? I guess I don't like the duality of my emotions for this person, and how even though I do like them a lot, and love them, I'm also deeply displeased and deeply disdainful of them, and I rather have them removed from my life. I guess I'm just too old to find myself immersed in the Greek Dramas others concoct for themselves, and so I rather lose the person than my meager patience.

I sip my tea and stare for a moment into the sky, before returning back to the world that surrounds me.

Jul 14, 2019

Before the Week is Over

I have a weekly calendar on my desk, which I usually fill up as things come to my attention - you know, when you get the e-mail with the syllabus, or the project timetable and so on and so forth. I tend to manage most of my appointments and deadlines and tasks in my bullet journal, so on Sundays I usually sit down and complete my timetable for the week also on my desk calendar. Yes, I'm not home much, and when I'm here I mostly read, I don't use much my calendar, but still, I do.

Today I did just that, and already passed the page for next week. This was a couple of hours ago. I had used my laptop a tad, and then ran the weekly cleaners and spybot and antivirus programs, and then turned off the computer, when I thought: "Wait, wasn't I supposed to blog?". So I checked my blog on my phone, and so that the last post was on the eighth. I looked at the calendar (already showing the next week) and I thought "Oh fuck! I forgot to blog ths week... AGAIN!". So I turned the laptop back on, while raking my brain about a topic to write about.

It wasn't until the Blogger page was on that I remembered I turned the page.

It happens... :-D

Jul 8, 2019

Welcome Again to Mercury Retrograde

And here we are, back again, in Mercury Retrograde. People's opinion on this is matter is quite divided, with a lot of people being skeptical about the phenomenon. What can be denied is the astrological phenomenon itself: Mercury does look (for those that can see it, I don't really bother) like it's going backwards. As for the effect in human life... well, that's up for debate.

Be it as it may, truth is that Mercury Retrograde has come early this time around, for many of us, that work with the Fiscal system of this country. Official websites are not working, the Ministry isn't giving any useful information to fix issues, and that's when they deign to even give information. In the meantime, a whole smorgasboard of opinions and rules and herasay runs around freely leaving more than one accountant (me included) thinking about closing shop and doing something else with our lives.

The gods know I would love to just throw the whole thing off the window, and I actually do have a job as an economist - and I'm actually working towards writing the first novel I do intend to publish, not like that would ever resolve my life in the financial aspect of it - BUT my clients are people close to me, friends and family I can't leave behind in this mudpuddle. Time to strap on, try, cry, while, search information, grow a handful of greyhairs and keep on doing it.

So, yes, I fell off the wagon this past week - even though Mercury Retrograde started only this Sunday - and hopefully this coming week, I'll be able to post another post... and do something about my again-abandoned Hungarian blog, but yeah, Mercurt Retrograde.

I do choose to believe in Mercury Retrograde mora as a matter of hope. After three weeks this is gone, so hopefully this status won't drag on forever.

Happy and Easy Mercury Retrograde!