Feb 13, 2017

No Complications

I have exciting news people! I have not changed a thing. ^_^ Yes, I was totally teasing you there, but you are smarter than that, and if you are one of the few people following this dwindling blog, you know that the exciting news is just that I deigned to come around and share a piece of my mind. Because that's usually exciting. And with the cryptic title, well, what can you expect? Because when you write "No Worries", it means that there are worries in the text. And when you write "No Heartbreak", you pull out the box of tissues, because it's sure to make you cry. So, by the same logic, "No Complications" shall mean, that complications lie ahead, right? The thing here is that I want to break free precisely from complications. Those gray, odd "complications".

These are things I normally write in painful detail in my personal journal (which will never see the light of day, thank you), but this topic - I believe - is one that might pertain to many other people, so I decided to quickly (really quickly) share a little thought about it.

"It's complicated" is actually a relationship status in Facebook. That doesn't mean anything by itself, of course, except that it is often used to cover a situation where a person isn't single, but isn't with someone either. It covers a multitude of situations, like when the relationship is, for whatever reason illicit (an extramarital affair or a relationship with a person from a given group that is perceived as not moral, decent or allowed), but also when the people in the relationship - or a part of them - isn't willing to let the relationship consolidate in one way or the other. I'm quite good at these and I like this twilight zone-like relationship because of the freedom they give you - though normally my prefered kind of relationships have a name far more defining than "it's complicated". Yes, I'm a big fan of fuckbuddies and one-night-stands. As you can guess from it, I'm the "no strings attached, no commitments, no complications" kind of person. Just have fun, enjoy the moment and then go back to the usually scheduled program. However, even in such a free, easy, clean cut situation, and preference, sometimes things can get messed up. For instance, when one of the parties seems to want to bend the rules, or goes playing by another set of rules.

You know the case, right? The one that is namely in a commited relationship but behaves like they are still single and can do as they please. The one where one set of rules apply to one party, and another to the other party or parties. The case when one says that sure, you are friends, but then acts like you owe them something. Does it ring a bell? Hopefully it doesn't. Well, these situations put the "complicated" in "it's complicated", and often, un-complicating them isn't as easy as just talking it over, because more often than not, the things either go back to original settings for a while before morphing back again to the asymetric or dissonant situation, or the complaining part receives big, wide eyes and accusations of "you are the one acting weird, things are actually as discussed in case A".

What can you do? Well, don't ask me: my answer is the usual: cut it off.

The point here isn't that you can or can't do something to solve this situation: relationship situations are hardly solved, because people tend to be persistent about what they seek, whether they admit to it or not. The thing is for you to recognize it, to refuse to cover behind the "complicated" tag and recognize things for what they are. Then act according to your preferences and needs. Just as "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater" is true, so is for every other tendency in a relationship. Don't let your own hopes cloud your judgment.