Coffee Days with a Friend

Source: Property of Stormberry

Today is Wednesday, and for a while now Wednesdays are Coffee Date Days for my friend Arjen and I. She's all the way in Beligium while I'm here in Costa Rica, yet we do this coffee date, where on Wednesday morning (morning for each) we would send each other a picture of our coffee. This make our morning coffee more special because we are thinking of our us and - in my case - imagine a pleasant coversation about something.

Today I didn't get a coffee because I was out of coffee, but I sipped on a cup of red tea, and I let my thoughts wander for a while, as if I were seated at a table, in front of my beloved Arjen.

So, what was in my head? There are a lot of things going on in my life right now, but as I sipped my tea, I was thinking about this guy I'm sort of seeing, and whom I'm wondering about whether it is time to let him go. It's not really a relationship, more like a hook-up thing that has been dragging for a long time because it was pleasant and convenient, but now I wonder if it's time to cut all ties.

Another thing in my head was my thesis and how should I proceed forward. It's time to get on the last stretch of the track, buckle up for the last three chapters and have them rolling.

Boy, I'm really tired of this, and this particular degree is so unrewarding! I still don't feel it.

Finally, looming thoughts want to crowd my mind, but I rush them away thinking a tad about the novel I have started to write. It's so strange, but I smile at the thought of the dear friendship I will lose if that gets published. And I want it to get published.

How can one be happy at the thought of losing someone one loves? I guess I don't like the duality of my emotions for this person, and how even though I do like them a lot, and love them, I'm also deeply displeased and deeply disdainful of them, and I rather have them removed from my life. I guess I'm just too old to find myself immersed in the Greek Dramas others concoct for themselves, and so I rather lose the person than my meager patience.

I sip my tea and stare for a moment into the sky, before returning back to the world that surrounds me.