Inner and Outer Peace While Driving, Please!

Though I have my driving license for over eight years, maybe more (can't remember exactly when did I get it, but I think I wasn't working then, and I've been working 10 years now...), it hasn't been since recently that I've started to drive regularly. This also means, as you might imagine, that it wasn't up until recently that I re-learned how to drive. As quite a newbie in the craft, like most of the newbies, I tend to drive veeeeery carefully, sometimes too carefully, and that tends to drive mad the more "seasoned" drivers standing behind me, running late or in desperate need to reach the nearest bathroom. Road bullying is all over, nearly on every inch of the asphalt, concrete, gravel or dirt road, from the honking driver urging you to mindlessly risk your life throwing yourself to the oncoming traffic, right under the 16 wheels of a massive container truck - or worse, a cistern truck full of gas! -, to the maniac with a Vin Diesel complex, who cuts right before you, into your lane, tail no further from your little car's nose than the lenght of an average dick (this being something around 6 to 7 inches, sorry boys but you are hardly as big as you would like to believe you are), and then probably congratulates themselves at being so skilled as to manage a tight fit.

When driving under 30 mph (roughtly under 50 kmph), it's easy to dodge the Vin Diesels, and let them think they are Fast & Furious instead of what they are, Risky & Stupid, so you can always hit the break and avoid a trip to the mechanic. Of course, diving slowly - which helps you with the Fast & Stupid - gets the other kind upset. The Honk Beasts, are those who believe they have the right to be Legend. Yes, all alone in the planet, with no other car on the road. They want to drive over 100 mph (over 166 kmph) in urban areas, city centers and around schools and hospitals. Stop signs are not meant for them, those are only signs to decorate a corner or put some paint on the road. They don't want to stop and they don't aknowledge nobody's priority but that of themselves. It's like if they are on the road, they have automatically priority, which is why it upsets them to no end the "women driving" like me, the "newbies" and the "grandmas", who might dare to be driving on the lane they choose to drive on, and won't get out of the way like otherwise would when an ambulance is rushing through. Going slow is bad, but stopping is worse. However the unforgivable is to not only stop, but wait for a decent chance at moving.

As a person close to 40 (yes I am!!! ^_^), and a fairly newbie driver, there are a few things I can tell you. First of all, Honking Beasts can honk and curse and stop next to you and scream all sorts of things at you, all that rolls off your windowshield. They boil up their liver while you, my dear careful driver, save your car from an accident the moron would have pushed you into, and for which the asshole wouldn't take responsability, you save on medical expenses and the mechanical fees of all the cars damaged - yours included - AND you can take your car out the next day too. Also, you know you are doing things right, you are being careful and it's you the one behind the wheel and only you know how fast and precisely can you manuever, how could you react to something unexpected! So, as the Honking Beasts push themselves closer to a heart failure, not to mention all the other stupidities they might do on the road that could earn them a messy end and lost of limbs, you tune yourself to your inner voice, tap on your inner peace and bring it to the outer peace. Smile at the music on the radio, smile at the day, smile at the sky, smile at all the other drivers, be gentle, give space to those trapped in the traffic, in need of a kind soul to get a bit ahead.

Whether you are a seasoned driver, or a newbie driver, or just learning to drive, or even simply thinking at starting your lessons, please remember those first days and keep them in your heart. Drive gently, without haste. You don't need to hurry, you can be late today and remember tomorrow or next time that you need to get on the road that much earlier. Anger won't make other cars move faster or an accident to disappear, a roadworker to speed up. Anger will mainly affect you. It will make you stupid, it will damage your health, and it could bring sorrow to those around you and their families. So before you honk at the slow slugs, or start cutting in front of other cars, speeding into any available space to get faster to your destination, remember that those cars have people in them, people like you, who might not react the way you would like them to. Breathe, tune on your favorite radio station, plug in your iPod and listen to your favorite podcasts, or push in one of those great CDs you have around, relax, ease into the music, connect to nature, pass yourself into the organic-mechanic flow you are in, concentrate on gentle driving and wish all other drivers a safe journey.

You can be better, and that will make you happier! ^_^

Hypocrisy

There are a lot of ideals about the way people should behave. How should they behave in their families, in their jobs, in society in general, and most of them are unrealistic, and if someone were to behave that way, said person would be immediately labeled either as a freak or as persona non grata. Weird or not, accepted or not, truth is this is the way things seem to happen. Naturally, there are a lot of "nice words", and "politically correct words" to refer to the things that are actually expected from you in order to function properly in all these circles you move in, but that doesn't mask their real nature.

One of these things is the matter about honesty and whether we are actually expected to be honest. Truth is we are wished to be honest only when honesty would be really useful, and when the truth of things is pleasant, can be handled or lives depend on it - though not even then. In informal circles - like friends and family - you can allow yourself honesty, and in this case this honestly is called "openness". You can allow yourself to tell your sibling or your friend that they look like shit this morning, or you can tell your friend and family to fuck off and mind their own business. This, however, only if your relationship with them is one of "openness", when everybody can handle honesty from themselves and others properly. In other circles that's not an option.

Perhaps you have paged through magazines or happened upon an article online about "what to say and what not to say in [insert case or situation]". Many of these go around for these circles where you can't be open - in other words, where you can't be honest. And the funny thing is that you are actually supposed to be honest... only not. Like when you go to a job interview, or when you are in the office. You are supposed to be honest and work with honesty, BUT you can't actually be honest. You can't say in the job interview that you left your previous job because, lets say, your former boss was a motherfucker who thought you are not allowed a life of your own. You can't tell your boss at the office that you won't work with their protegé because said person is lazy, incompetent and does nothing but steal other people's job. Neither can you say to your boss or their superior, when that's the case, that they know nothing and would do better actually focusing on the job rather than bother everybody about stupidities such as font types, skirt lengths, shoe colors and hairdos.

Some of the most typical cases are when you are requested to do something that's not your share. And I'm not talking about work only. There's the case when your boss wants you to do the job of the secretary, when you are not the secretary, or the job of the messenger when you are not the messenger - or worse! -  the job of the engineer when you are not an engineer; but sadly there's also the case when you are at some social event, say the party of a friend, or the friend of a friend, and you  - the guest -  are asked to go entertain the kids, or wash the dishes... and it's not that kind of a open, friendly party. Or the case when you are in a public place and a perfect stranger imposes on you, asking you to change your seat so that their family can all seat together, or witout asking you imposes their unruly pets and/or children and expect you to put up with it.

In these cases you  are not supposed to be honest and tell people that that's not your job or to fuck off and plan better with what they have, or to either shut up or shoot down their kids/pets, or go on public places when they are able not to bother others. No, you are supposed to lie. Yes, you are supposed to be a hypocrite and pretend you are not thinking and you are not feeling the way you do. You are supposed to be subservient, solicitous and do as you are imposed to do, regardless of your capabilities or disponibility for it. Simple minded people would say that you can always resign or not attend again a party, or avoid those people, BUT as things are, you can't always resource to that. You may need your job - we all do - so often resigning is not an option. You may not be able to avoid the random people who impose on you, or you may not be able to avoid the get togethers where the obnoxious people meet. If you do - as simple minded people suggest - you'll become antisocial or even persona non grata, if the person you are avoiding realizes and gets offended due to it.

Naturally we are not told to be hypocritical  - oh no, being hypocritical is bad! You shouldn't do that! - but we are told to be diplomatic. But what's being diplomatic? It's being careful about what you say - which is not being honest, for being honest means that you tell the truth, whatever that truth is, in the way that represent it the best, unmasked, unadulterated. Being diplomatic is about holding your tongue about things that won't please all parties. It's about saying "let's work this together" instead of "you are so incompetent you should be removed from here and replaced with a stapler or an electric pencil sharpener". No, you don't want to offend someone by telling them they are bad, though you also don't let them know how bad are they perceived and thus helping them realize their weaknesses and work on mending them.

Naturally you could argue that hypocrisy is also about telling one thing to someone and something else to someone else. Well, think of this case - diplomatically: you have two parties, both of them unable to work together, both of them difficult and both of them wrong. If you were honest you would say to both of them together "both of you are wrong, stubborn and stupid. This won't work unless you two buttheads open up and  start being willing to do this as it should. Otherwise, let's just kiss the whole thing good-bye and go killing each other". Not an option when you are diplomatic. The diplomatic solution is tell both of them, separately that you understand them, of course they are right, the other party is wrong, but why don't we seek a way to make it better, and pull the most profit out of it?. Deceivious words, often within a range of truth, but not the whole truth, and certainly designed to make each party believe that they are the ones who are going to pull the biggest benefit, or escape the largest loss.

You can call your hypocrisy diplomacy, and you know that socially this hypocrisy is seen as such only when you cross the wrong people or you get caught in it. Also, truth is that hypocrisy is often the only way you have to get to do what you honestly wish to do. You are hypocritical when you smile at the stupid coworker, and by doing so, you ensure you work unbothered. You laugh at their stupid jokes, attend to their parties, praise their unbearable kids/pets/partner/relatives/hobbies/whatever and gain their favour - all through hypocritical behavior - and thus you get them to cooperate when you need something done.

You say "well, she's a very smart woman", when what you really think is "she's a bitch that should be deported into the middle of the ocean". You say "he's really hard working" when you really think "he's a manic who doesn't know what's he doing but makes sure to annoy everybody until they can't do what they should". You say "they are very creative" when you really think "they are lazy and would come up with any excuse to avoid their tasks". Diplomatic? Sure. Hypocritical? You can bet your ass. Necessary? Sadly, yes.

This is the real world we live in, and it's out there not only in the office.

Birds of Misery

If you work in an office, like I do, you've probably have caught yourself talking about the office even when you are not at the office. Stories are endless, and there's a sort of sick pleasure in trading stories with other office-workers. Haunted offices (there's always at least one ghost per employer!), terrible bosses (the most profuse archives on the topic), shitty employers and kill-'em! coworkers. The types of fauna (and sometimes flora, as some people seem to go to the office only to do some photosynthesis) are broad, but easily identifiable. Not all types are present at once in each office, but you can rest assure each medium-to-big-to-huge company has a sample of each and probably creating newer and newer species for our communal delight.

This is not a post to talk about each of them, but of a certain type, the Birds of Mysery. These birds plague every single workplace, and often gather up in huge flocks at certain departments, particularly those related to Human Resources, but also places where the level of influence of the employers is low. They can be easily identifiable for the one trait that annoys the planet around them: they are constantly spreading bad news. They claim to have the contacts, know the right people that allow them to access the news before they are officially communicated. These contacts must be of the same sort apocaliptic churches use to predict to the day and the hour the End of the World... every two years. Their sentences start with "I've heard..." and their favorite words are "fired" and "layoff".

It doesn't deter them if the prospect of what they say is highly improbable (as they also work in the Public Sector, where the prospect of getting fired or laid off is nearly impossible), that their earlier forecasts have never come to materialize, they still spread their message of desperation, particularly among the newer employees. It seems to delight them to spread stories like "the worse possible boss is taking over your area", "the reestructuring is making your area disappear, and all of you will get fired except a handful this person picks". Several friends of mine in the company had to suffer through the claws of birds of misery, who told them that they were getting laid off, their department would disappear, they were getting demoted to a lower position because there was no more use for them where they were, that all wages would be cut back (which is ilegal by law) among other things.

Birds of Misery are usually coworkers or bitter assistants or secretaries, but it's not strange to find bosses who are birds of misery. These even try to officialize the ill rumour by refering to their bosses, and making people work as if the threats were real.

After over 10 years dealing with office flora and fauna, there are a few things I can tell you about birds of misery: they lie. 10 out of 10 time, what comes out of their poisonous beaks is a big, fat lie, so you do well taking their words with a grain of salt. They may have heard something, but they'll always make it a bigger deal. Like what? Well, for instances a superior is being removed of their position and placed in another for whatever reason. The bird of misery will say that this superior is being removed from the position they held so far, AND the area that had lead will be disbanded, and whomever is caught without a place to go in the company, is getting fired. If you get the right data, and confront them, birds of misery will always say "well, I'm just telling you what I was told". The best way to deal with them is ignoring them. So this person said pink slips will be delievered to everybody on Friday? Sure, bet $1 it's bullshit. Says the sky is going to fall? Yes, I bet it will. A Fraud Team from the FBI is seizing the place and will throw everybody in jail? Awesome! Is Peter Burke and Neal Caffree coming too?

However, if you feel the need to retort to somehow cut the crap (some birds of misery are not affected by being ignored and continue their annoying jabbing either you want to hear them or not), there are two awesome ways to do so:

1. If the bird of misery is a coworker or a boss' assistant or secretary, you'll ask for evidence. "Really? We are getting laid off? Do you have the memo? Would you send it to me? No? Oh well, let me know when you do. You see, I've heard so much crap of this kind all over the place, and every single time it turns out to be a lie. You know, there are people who would say anything to make others feel bad and make themselves the center of attention. I prefer proves over hearsay."

2.If the bird of misery is a boss, you simply have to ask them to issue you the news or the "decision" on written form. They won't, but if they do, you take that written statement and check it with the proper area, on the highest, most descentralized position. When it turns out to be a lie, you have in your hands evidence to process the boss for mobbing. Class action to it, if they said so to the whole group.

And this, my dears, is how we deal with this type of fauna.