Planner Community vs Planner Community

 

Source: Pen Addict blogpost.

I've been working my way through all of my podcast episodes and trying to get up to date with them. The themes of my podcasts go from politics to planners to culture to paganism. So, the other day I was listening when I heard in Best Laid Plans by Sarah Hart-Unger an interesting observation. Sarah was addressing a question from a listener about how come there are no planners for men who identify as "men", or not many, or something on that line. I assume that, by "men" Sarah and her listener meant a person who identifies as a cisgender, heterosexual man and who has a taste that fits the archtypal cisgender, heterosexual man's taste.

Sarah took this chance to talk about what she perceives as a Planner Gender Divide existing, at least in America, where men don't use or feel the need to use a planner, because that's something others take care for them, such as the wife or the assistant.

I think I was doing something and was only half listening, but this words picked my curiosity, because it's not my experience that "men don't plan" or that "men relegate planning to wives/assistants". Not everybody around me does analogue planning, but a lot of people do planning on digital calendars and platforms. Then, I also follow Mr. Philofaxy and read the Philofaxy Blog, and procure to be there for every virtual planner meet up the Philofaxy group has every first Sunday of the month on Skype, where I meet with several men who... well... plan. In filofaxes. My mind went to all the content creators I  follow - who are many - and though a lot are women, several are also men. So I was thinking why was Sarah saying that there is a gender divide in the planner community, and that most American men don't carry a planner because someone else takes care of that.

Thinking about the creators I follow, I found a pattern among the people I follow, where female content creator tend to be more aesthetic oriented, using decorative elements like stickers, washitape, scraps to collage or even watercolor their spreads. Female content creators also tend to do Plan with Me videos where they show week to week how they plan for their week, often in an aesthetically pleasing way. The male creators I follow are more often than not, more practical - both in planning as well as in journaling. They tend to be less concerned with aesthetics and more with the functionality of the entries they do. They also do more reviews of products such as binders, paper, pens or inserts, but don't tend to show a flipthrough but explain how to do something they have found works for them.

One could say that women often offer an aesthetic inspiration while men tend to offer tips, advise or practical information to enrich decision making processes.

On the other side, the male content creators I follow, often veer into other areas, and journaling or planning can be just one video in a series regarding tips for achieving a happier life or more productive habits. Of course, there are many that have channels dedicated to planning and journaling, but others just touch on the subject once and then move on to other topics.

So, back to Sarah, what could be the issue? Why have they not seen these men? Well, maybe the men around her were not planning in flashy planners, maybe they plan in their phone calendars, and maybe they don't need to plan to the whole household, but instead reserve the planning for themselves. That's one option, after all, for many people "planning" isn't a hobby but a tool, and don't even use it daily. A lot of people often plan quite simply with a wall calendar and scribble in it things like doctor appointments, but they tend to remember when to pay their bills or when they have to got to work.

The other thing might be the algorithm of Sarah's searches, where maybe seeing that she prefers videos of homemaker planning or aesthetic planning or plan-with-me videos, the results she gets and the content that's recommended for her come from female creators.

However, if someone is looking for a planner for a person with a taste that alights with what Western marketing often associates with cisgender males with traditional masculine inclinations, there are plenty of options, such as filofax, plotter, hobonichi, travelers notebook and pretty much any generic, undecorated planners.

One thing I learned from Sarah, though, is that often what we see is true to the slice of the world where we move. She did was very clear that this was based on her own observations and her own experience. As so, I think we might benefit from trying to break from our algorithms, cast a wider net and try to learn more outside the view we normally hold.

Freeze Spell

 

Property of Stormberry

Recently I've been considering to do a freezing spell. I am not one to go around doing spells that affect other people, or spells in general, but I am more the kind of witch that rather do cleansing and protection spells, and manifest and has mantras and all that kind of love&light magical work. I do not like to meddle with other people or other entities, and I prefer my work to remain centered on myself, as a building and improving process.

Through my practice, though, I have collected tidbits of spell, and this was given to me by a friend and fellow witch, aimed mainly to stop people from doing something, oftentimes from doing harm. The downside of this spell is that if it's broken, the person gets released with vengeance. And of course, it has a price on the witch, just by making it. Being that I am a risk-averse human - in all areas of my life (I'm a huge advocate of Comfort Zones) - the idea of making a freezing spell was a no-no. Yes, knowing about them is important to me, but not for something I would ever consider doing.

The freeze spell as come up in the podcasts I listen to, and I think also in one of my recent readings, and so I also got a different view on their use: they can be a "hold up" spell, a way to slow or stop something but not indefinitively, but only until you are ready. This definitively sounds better. This gave the freeze spell a different outlook, a way to "buy time". But I still wasn't going to commit it to my Book of Shadows. (Yeah, that's another project I should be retaking, specially now since I think I know the kind of witch I am: a kitchen witch. But I digress.)

Recently I had a very uncomfortable situation with a friend, who has been behaving in an unpleasant manner. This person can no longer be excused for "being young", or "having lived a sheltered life", and recently has been not only voiced deeply troubling views about others, lifestyles and ideologies, but also has been telling tall tales or downright lying about things that make no sense, and which make you wonder that if they are so willing to lie about such insignificant things, and then contradict themselves without batting an eye, what would they not be willing to say and do about important matters. Usually, when someone in my circle displays troubling behavior, I deal with it by cutting that topic or situation out of our regular meetings, and this normally work. With this person, however, the points of discomfort constantly popped up, couldn’t be cut off, and instead multiplied reaching new areas. This resulted on this person then trying to control the situation and control others as well in things like what we eat when we go out, or what we check out in stores and so on. No, it didn't work with me.

Then, offhandedly, this person asked me if I was going to a grill party their spouse and a friend of mine were organizing. That was the first time I heard of it, so I said I had not heard of it, so I don't know. They started pushing, that I had to go, my friend will soon call me, surely, it was something for the five of us at my friend's place, and I had to be there. I found it odd that my friend wouldn't tell me, and I had to know from other people. Well, it turned out that a) nothing was being organized, as it was an idea for a get together of a group of people I'm not part of (so I wasn't even going to be invited), b) it wasn't going to be at my friend's place, and c) with this person's actions, my friend and their spouse were put into a stressful situation. When I started confronting this person about the facts, they said that the idea of the group was my friends, that it wasn't the original idea, and that they prefered if I went, because otherwise they would be bored and needed someone to talk to.

Oh, so I was to be their... "lady in waiting"?

I talked over with my friend and their spouse and they were annoyed this person had taken the liberty to themselves to invite people to their home without consulting them and without having the facts about there being something organized or not.

For many days I was so mad, and I was avoiding this person, journaling copiously about what had transpired. But then, as I cooled down, I though of the freeze spell, and how this could be a solution. Sure, I can just block them entirely and cut them off, no magic in the middle, but then I thought thatit would be much more beneficial if, softly, I could slip away out of their mind, and open a window for them to meditate on their words, their actions and their attitude. I can hope they get a light to shine on what they are doing, that there's nothing wrong with living the life they have, there's no need to fabricate drama or pretend to be grand when they are regular people like the rest of us. I can only hope they find the time to meditate and work actively to improve themselves and their life.

Yes, this would be magic and this is an act of hope. I can cut them off, being confrontational, which I don't like, but what good would it come from that? Maybe they receive the energy to do this inner work, maybe they don't, but for me, it's worth to send some light so someone I believe needs it, as I am not the only one pulling away because they make others feel uncomfortable.