End of the Vacations, Beginning of the New Year

Property of Stormberry

 There's something beautiful about ending the year away from home, taking a bit of distance to see things in perspective, recharge, and then come back with fresh energies. I love being in Europe, but my life has lead me to find my chances to work and earn a living outside my beloved continent. That income is the one that made it possible for me to save up and build my house, to be able to pay my debts, and to visit my darling Europe. I really love this place.

I'm writing this in the last minutes I'll spend at the hotel (less than an hour), and I would love to, at least, start journaling a little bit too, all before I have to go across the street, buy a new Navigo card, a new One Day Paris Visit Pass, because yesterday I lost my card. That really got to my nerves. I know, I know, there are larger problems to have, than having lost a public transport card you just recharged with €45,40 (a two day Paris Visit Pass), and now having to pay €33 or so for the card (€2,00) and the one day pass. Why one day and not just one ticket? Because I like being sure I am covered for the day, even if I only have to go from Gare du Nord to Charles de Gaule. I like to be on the safe side. 

I believe the card must have slipped out of my pocket when I put my phone in the same pocket and then pulled it out. Because the card is really gone.

Not having that card ruined a few things for me yesterday. I had plans and once I found my card missing, not only I didn't feel like doing them, at my age (that would be 50 years-old) walking that much, in winter is not as feasible as it used to be when I was 40. Now I like to wander, yes, but having a public transport card in my pocket that can take me back to the hotel when I'm too tired to make another step.

My plans had included going to Foucher, the chocolate shop, to get some chocolate and candied fruit for my mom, and then find a LEGO store to see if I can get a particular LEGO my brother wanted, but I forgot to buy in Budapest. Or check if it was already available. From the hotel, I decided to walk to the chocolate shop (a 31 minute walk that felt like 45 minutes), since the but I was counting on was not available due to construction work on the street. So, at that moment I may have had the card in my pocket, or maybe had already lost it. I went to the chocolate store, bought the chocolates, and when I was out and started looking for my Navigo card to have it ready for swapping at the Metro gates, I noticed it was nowhere to be found. That's when all got pear shaped. 

My next stop would have been Châtelet-Les Halles, where the commercial center was where the LEGO store was... as well as a FNAC. It was going to be a look-for-LEGOs-check-more-books kind of trip. I had no chance but to walk back.

That walk back felt annoying and long and more tiring. Though I logically knew that I could buy a new Navigo Card, that I could recharge it with a new Paris Visit Pass, even again a 2 day one, and honestly €45,40 isn't that steep of a price I couldn't afford, it felt like a catastrophe and ruined my mood. I went back to the hotel, bought food and holed up in my room, annoyed. It was funny because I was anxious about getting that big LEGO for my brother, and how would I get it through customs at the airport, as it surely has no "cabin luggage" size. Now I was off that task because I wasn't getting the LEGO, and still, I felt upset. I felt upset because of the card, and for disappointing my brother. Not like he can't buy the LEGO by himself, and all he wants is to have it before it arrives to Costa Rica, and not like I have the moral obligation to supply my brother with huge LEGOs every time I travel. Gods, I am not a courier! And still, my mood was ruined.

How many times have something small, logically irrelevant ruined your mood? Maybe more times that you care to remember. Through my conversations with psychologists, I realize I tend to rationalize a lot, and my first instinct usually is to think things through rationally. Well, I'm an economist, I work with numbers. However, there are times when logic doesn't help and may even make things worse, for instance when something small, irrelevant gets the best of you. Why bother so much for something that can be fixed so easily? No, I don't have €45,40 laying around idly, and yes, that is still money, BUT the point is that, if there was a real need, like the train is leaving me and I have to jump on it in that moment, I could have paid it again, and only be mildly annoyed about having lost the first card. So, if it was so "grave" why wasn't I going to the next station, look for a ticket seller and getting one? Because the point wasn't rational, it was emotional. I was upset I would not make my brother happy. I was upset he would be sad because I didn't get him the LEGO he wanted.

I was annoyed for the one logical, rational, material little detail - the Navigo Card and the pass already paid and lost - and getting riled up because it was so small and irrelevant and yet, I was thinking it was making me upset. But I wasn't really upset for the card, but concentrating on the card was easier that facing my feelings: I was upset I was disappointing my brother. Once I was ready and willing to face that, I could start working on feeling better, and I will. I still have to work on stop rationalizing everything, accepting that's how I feel and knowing that the feeling will be over once I see him, he makes a sad face and then we will move on. And the world won't end.

Sometimes it is worth to think a little bit deeper about what annoys us, give ourselves time and be willing to ask ourselves not from the logical, rational perspective, but from the emotional one. We are, after all, also emotional beings. All of us.

Getting Sick on Winter Holidays

 It has been happening for a while now, that I tend to get awfully sick during my winter holidays in the Old Continent. And that's not funny. It's annoying. Getting sick is annoying as it is, but getting sick on the holidays is doubly annoying because I can't get sick days out of it. And it's winter! I love winter. Even if it's not snowing - which I definitively adore - I would love to be out, walking in the chilly air, breathing hin the fresh, sharp scents of the season. And yet I am sick.

Last year, on my trip to Europe in winter, I've got very sick in Brussels, after visiting a friend, with some sort of stomach flu that pretty much floored me for days. It wasn't funny at all to drag my carcass from Brussels center to the airport, up the plane, down the plane and then all the way to my family's home. But I made it. I soldiered through it.

After a long period of not traveling - I was engaged building my house, so time and money went entirely into that noble cause - last year's extended trip was the first in a long time. I did remember, due to the symptoms, that I have had a similar experience in the past, also during a trip to Europe in winter, but then I thought it was due to some odd sort of beverage poisoning. (Now I have a different theory.) But now, as I've got sick once again - probably due to having caught a nasty type of flu on the plane here - I've started thinking about how many times have I had to suspend my plans to go places and meet people because I was nursing some sort of sickness. It didn't happen every time, but I have the feeling that it has happened more often than I care to remember. So, something needs to be done. (As for what, I'm still preparing my plans on that front.)

This year I've been to Europe twice, if we don't count that I started the year here already, and my plan is to continue traveling twice a year here: once in winter, which is my favorite season of the year, and once in spring. I don't travel to Europe in summer, because the heat of the summer is intolerable. In Spring, however, I was totally well. I guess that type of weather is closer to what I'm more used to, so I'm better prepared, but still, I don't want to give up winters. So, what should I start to do different to make sure my stays here are better? The things that are expected are: regular medical check ups, keep my vaccines always updated, always be punctual with my meds, though I actually don't take any regular medication right now.

Other things that come to mind always include improve nutrition with more fresh, natural, home made foods, maybe even include superfoods in my diet, though I'm not very fond of those. More exercise and all that, and all that is good, but... I live most of the year in a tropical country, and I come to spend holidays in the winter of Europe, so I suspect that there is a part of all of this that no amount of great nutrition and exercise is going to help me with. Shall I go with supplements? This things keep me thinking.

Then there is the other part of the question: how much will this cost me.

My whole budget plan for 2026 is already planned out, and tweaking it at this point is already quite complicated. My budget is really tight. There is a fund of health, and though I always make my best to get my health matters covered by the Social Security, I'm not sure how much out of pocket money would a potentially extended plan require. These are things I still have to think about.

Considering Going Back to Blogging

 It's been a while since I wrote last here, or more than a year, to be precise. I stopped for many reasons, none of them a conscious reason to actually stop blogging. 

The Reason

I just simply didn't post. My digital footprint was more in the shape of videos for YouTube, where I went from books to planners, both of them in Spanish. I was into booktube for a while, I was part of it with haphazard videos uploaded with no editing and no visible schedule, but that stopped at some point. From there I later moved into the plannerverse, with my own channel on planners and tips for planning. I added to the small community of planners in Spanish, which is not a group as bing as you can find in English.

That channel went well, though I do tend to keep small numbers in most of the things I do. I didn't break into the +1000 world, and was really amazed when people spoke of "small channels with +10k subscriptors". That was not me. I'm smaller than that, and I like it. My channel had a new video every Sunday, and I had a kind of set program that took most of the anxiety out of posting, and I did learn to edit. My format was simple, the editing was minimal and the content was reliable. All was well. Except that I was spending a lot of time in YouTube, and the algorithm was twisting around me with annoyance. I started hating YouTube, as a user.

The way I was using YouTube was as entertainment, also as a way to find information on things I wanted to learn, but then mostly I used it as background noise. I put some video of people talking in a calm way, or instrumental music. This kept me focused during work or at monotonous tasks. Eventually YouTube started bombarding me with annoying adds, all of which, by the end, where scam adds. It didn't matter how much I denounced them, they kept popping up, and they were notoriously scammy. This got to me so much, that I decided to walk off the platform, as a user. However, I couldn't, in good conscience, step out of YouTube as a user, but keep producing content to keep my viewers tied to the platform, subject to the annoyance I just escaped, so I moved out.

Finding your footing once you leave a platform that has consumed you online is quite hard, and yes, I miss the channels I used to follow, but now I'm finding other content and other content creators. I'm going more into podcasts, and searching more for blogs, though those are less common than years before.

The New Project

After all this, I feel that my content creator days are not over yet, and so I've been giving thought for a new idea: a podcast/blog on personal finance.

I've got into personal finance - the commercially available how-to market - last year, after I finished paying my debt on my credit card. I'm usually very skeptical of self-help anything, but after having gone through the process of becoming debt-free, I decided that I wanted more information and started looking for it. I wanted more tips and ideas to improve my finances and invest. Given my background in all-things-money (economics, finance, accounting), I had tools many people didn't have, which allowed me to discern better when someone isn't giving sound advice. I did find great content creators and quite good books, though I have to admit that many of those books are good, if you know what do apply to you and what doesn't.

I talked a lot about that to some of my friends - many of whom gave me input based on their personal experiences with money - and that's how this idea started to form: how about a podcast, a blog or both, where I can help people understand personal finances better, read a book on personal finances and know if they are being scammed or if there are parts that don't apply to their case, how to deal with their own risk tolerance, and how to actually determine if they should take risks with some parts of their financial lives.

I don't know exactly when or how, but I do plan on reading several popular books on personal finance, give them a review, explain what works and what doesn't, and concentrate on the Costa Rican market, how ever small it may be, so I can actually explain things that can be found in books written for the USA, applied to what's available in Costa Rica for the regular people.

I have other plans for the next year and the next few years, but I think I would love to do this.

A Question of "Girl"

Source: https://www.pexels.com/search/girl/

 Often times in our culture women are referred to as "girls". In documentaries about Playboy, for instances, the ladies who posed for the magazine or worked for the club are called "girls". They are legally adult women, but they are still called "girls". A group of women - almost regardless of their age - are often addressed as "girls", particularly if they are pretty.

In some online communities, also, women belonging to it are called girls, such as "planner girl", "bookish girl" and so on. Female power are also called "girl power", and there are a lot of expressions that describe perceived female capabilities (or lack of them) that make use of the word "girl" even when they are understood as expanded to all cisgender women. Here I think of things like "girl math" or "fighting like a girl". Yes, these are demeaning and stupidifying women (last time I checked maths had no gender and the hability of people to use them does not depend on their gender), but that's not my point right now.

One time I was at an online group chat and a lady made mention of something that "every girl needs". I was the youngest of the group (not of the females, but of the whole group) and I'm 48 years old. I felt odd because I'm not a girl and I haven't been a girl for... 36 years? I've lived more years being a woman than the years I lived being a girl, and all the other people who identify as a female were pretty much in the same situation.

At another time, in a podcast, I heard the two podcasters mention that they prefer to be referred to as girls, because "woman" is such a horrible-sounding word, and "girl" is much more nice. But why is that? What do people think of when they think of "a girl"?

Based on the references from media and social networks, online materials and conversations, girls are both young, female children as well as young women. Girls are pretty, innocent, playful but also sexualized. Women are coarser, antagonistic or broken into submission and possibly sexually savvy or frigid, boring. Girls are desirable, women are not so much. Girls are still youthful why women are not. Girls are fun, women complain.

The way we use language and the way language is being used makes "girl" to be the desirable word to be called, and "woman" becomes a label you do well to avoid. But to be called "girl" you must be a girl, or at least act like one and look like one: happy, pretty, fun... and dumb. Girls are not threatening, girls can be tricked. Girls can be manipulated, gaslit. Women would fight back, hard. The label "girl" takes power away from a female human. It diminishes her and make her complains a joke. And at the same time, it's sold as "girl" being a word of "care and tenderness". You are a girl, so I'll take care of you.

Would it be the same if we started calling men "boys"? What would happen if we made the word "boy" desirable and we would call pretty men "boys" and build up a social image that boys are nice, pretty, fun and innocent, while men are annoying, complaining and old (and thus, ugly)? What would happen if we laughed at a man that gets a calculation wrong and say "oh, it's boy math!".

I find the use of "girl" troublesome for the pushing of women into place where they are expected to be just-pretty-not-smart, and always deferential to others, accepting that they are lesser, always afraid of aging, and aging out of the "girl" label, but also because by mixing adult women into the "girl" name, actual girls become part of the same group and those open to be sexualized. Men stop being called "boy" clearly when their childhood ends, but women flow and remain in girlhood for years on end.

I personally don't like even being referred to as a "woman", and I prefer being seen as a person and referred to as a person, but if the situation or the conversation is so that my gender needs to be mentioned, then I am a woman.

I wonder how other people feel about this.

Budgeting and Achieving the Lifestyle You Want

Source: Forbes

 I was recently talking to a friend of mine (yes, I myself have noticed that most of my posts beings referencing a conversation with someone or something of the sort, but this is how my ideas for this blog happen to be born: through conversations or events in my life), and we were talking about budgeting, keeping to budgets and how people relate to that. My friend if a young lady still, and she's not in a very good financial position inspite of all her efforts and having a very good job. From what I see and what she tells me, she's the one working to keep her family afloat, as neither of her parents have a stable income, or a good enough one, and her one sibling is not working.

I insist: she's quite young, she's barely in her middle twenties (I met her some years back through a book club I used to be part of).

I believe her parents don't have higher education, and both struggle with some mild forms of handicap, which might limit their chances to access higher paying jobs. One of them also prefers to be an enterpreneur in an industry that's either seasonal or don't get much of a demand nowadays, and the other is currently unemployed as they were laidoff by the company in a "sizing down" strategy. Inspite of that, the family has a tendency of living day-to-day and are fond of hosting get togethers, parties or to throw special celebrations of holidays, birthdays and anniversaries, that all in all consume a lot of resources. She is, at a certain point, aware that her family's relationship to money may not be the best, and she tries to manage her own expenses and income in a better way, but time and again she ends up going into these big spending events, and then budgets and resources to loans in order to "break even". And this is what got me thinking.

My friend suffers a lot of stress and has health issues stemming from many sources in her life, and I can't help to wonder if part of it also comes from the weight placed on her young shoulders. She does have dreams that would populate a Pinterest-worthy moodboard, with achieving independence by her 30th birthday, living by her own, in another country and so on. But are these only dreams meant to stay in the moodboard of the year, or are these achievable dreams? And if so, how could she achieve them?

The capability to achieve our dreams depend on a lot of factors, and sadly not everybody can achieve them all, and in some cases people are not willing to take the steps needed to get on the road to achieve some of their dreams, for various reasons that make sense in their own realities. Setting aside the fact that nobody shall judge what others do with their lives just from what they see from the outside, these would be some considerations one could make when setting goals that one really wants to achieve:

1. Be aware of your resources and your commitments

It's nice to dream with being a millionaire or a princess or a super successful business owner, but where do we really stand? This doesn't mean that you can't dream with being rich if you are poor, but that you need to be realistic and consider what do you have at your disposal to achieve that goal. Sometimes dreams stay just as dreams because we think that just by dreaming things and manifesting them, they will magically come true. And be aware that I am a witch and I believe in magick.

Some dreams will take more time, more effort, and there is a chance that some dreams will depend on other people, and those we can't control.

Then, the other part of the equation is about what claims are on our resources. If you have debts, dependant family members, commitments that occupy your time, energy and resouces and leave you little space to maneuver or none at all. Sometimes it's not even something you could leave behind (in a sudden, self-centered, unemotional scenario), but it's something that goes along with you, like a condition or a sickness that requires treatment, or that keeps you from getting other sources of income to improve your situation.

This doesn't mean that, if any of these factors are present, you should give up your dreams, but rather that you must factor them to make better decisions.

2. Consider what you can actually achieve and how much time you would need for it

Once you have a clear picture of what your resources are and what are the claims on those resources, you can start moving around the pieces and deciding what would you need to achieve your dreams. The first step is a kind of reality check where we can actually see what do we have to work with to get what we want.

In the case of my friend, she tells me she wants to move out of her parents' home by the time she's 30. In order to do that, she should be considering things like where she wants to live, whether she wants a house of her own or to rent a place, where and how much could she spend on that, how much would she need for appliances, furniture and how much the utilities could dent her resources, but then also, she needs to consider if she would be still supporting her parents and her sibling, or if she's comfortable letting them go and allowing them to live within their means. In a cold fashion, many readers could think that yes, she should let her parents fend for themselves and maybe learn the hard way that they can't spend more than what they make, but if we are honest, that's not how families (or many families) work, and so, in the end, my friend could be struggling with supporting two households on one salary.

This should give her pause and make her consider what can she achieve, and which pieces can she move (say, talk to her parents that she does intend to move out, that she won't be able to help them anymore, so maybe they should start working on their spending priorities), which depend on her, which depend on others, over which she has control to change and which are out of her reach.

These calculations could help her design a timeline for her dreams. For example, let's say that she does talk to ger parents and her sibling and they agree not to burden her income up to an x%. She also realizes that she could do better if she has a degree in something marketable, or a particular certification, or maybe she would have a better chance abroad with companies that pay better her skills. If she decides to take that road, she would have to commit to getting that degree, enrolling into the academy to get that certification or start to apply to a work visa as well as to positions in companies in the country or countries she had found would pay her better.

3. Make a Plan

Finally, when the resources, the commitments and the possible requirements to get to our dreams are identified, and we can see what are our possibilities, we can start making plans. These plans include not only budgets, but also schedules and task lists of what we need to achieve our dreams. This is the point where we map out our road towards our dreams.

Now, plans can be the point where all comes crumbling down, if we make unrealistical plans. For this, not only do we need to have discipline, but we need to know ourselves and know not only how much leeway do we need, but also what do we need to stay motivated. Let's not make plans that assume we can save up the 99% of our income, that we will live from eating the grass of the park and will never get sick or have an emergency. Let's not pretend either that we can live a life that  consists constantly of days of 8 hours of work, 8 hours of study, 4 hours of side hussles and 4 hours of sleep.

To make a realistic plan you need to understand yourself. Watch yourself, check how much energy you have what can you realistically achieve in a week, how much you spend and how that changes for a period of time. Study yourself as you would study a research subject. Once you know yourself, your habits, your needs and your patterns, make pilot tests: try out different habits, the ones you have devised to achieve your goals, and see how you feel about them, how realistic, achievable they are. Don't worry, there's no failure there, this is just a test. Try it out six weeks, evaluate the results and tweek it, when you need to.

Maybe savings is easier to try out, but studying isn't. Well, check out some of the classes you intend to take, and do a mock-try. Go to the campus, stay there reading, maybe you can get into the class just to listen to it (ask the instructor for permission first!), and calculate the commuting time, and how tired you are after. To test out online classes, try watching videos on the subject of your interest, on the same lenght of the class, at the same time, and see how you feel. There are ways to run tests before you commit, all you need is a dab of creativity.

When you find a test-plan that works for you, recalculate your steps, how much resources you would need to invest, how much time it would take you, how you can take advantage of that time, and set it in motion.

To give you an idea, I recently decided that it might be time for me to move to another company to work. I do have a good income, but I feel that I could do more and that I could also be better paid for what I can do. Now, I still have some debts which I would like to pay off before I move to another job (as there is the chance that the entry level job of the next place I go to won't pay me as much as my current job initially). I made the calculations, and I came to the conclusion that, with a budget plan I have devised and I have already tried out, I could be debt free in two years. This means that I'll stay in the company at least two years (more if things change and a better position in here opens up). I won't use up that time just working and paying up my debts, but rather I decided to use those two years I have given myself to improve my CV. I'm checking jobs I would be interested in and looking at the skills they require. I write those down and I have started looking up free tutorials online to acquire those skills. Yes, I could go with paid courses, but why spend money on courses for things I could get for free to get the basics and then spend the money on more advanced classes? At least, that's my logic: now I place my priority on cancelling my debts, staying on top of my budget to be able to affort all my acquired commitments and then getting all the priming, basic knowledge I can on the things I want to add to my CV.

In two years, when I'm debt free and with a fuller, better equipped CV, I'll start the job searching process, hopefully allowing me to get to a position that would be higher and better paid than the one I could get right now. It could take me time, because I would get older and I'm already of an age that's not so desirable for many companies, or at least for certain positions, but I would be still, in a better position in two years, if I stick to my plan.

It could still end up in nothing, my plan could fail and I could remain where I am, with the same position, but this plan won't ruin me, won't require me to take risks I could otherwise avoid, and yet still it has a better chance to get me to where I want to go than if I sat on my butt mopping and dreaming of one day being in a better place.

End of Holidays

Source of the picture: Bionic

Today is the last day of my mandatory holidays, making tomorrow the first day of work of the year. Normally one does not look forward for the workdays, but I'm particularly bitter about tomorrow. I am angry. Tomorrow I'll probably have a chat with my boss because I'm not satisfied with the fact that I am being paid less than what most of my coworkers are being paid for the exact same job, specially after we went through a whole process aimed - allegedly - to order all job profiles, regardless of time at the company or degree (and I have more years than some of those who have the higher paychecks, and comparable degrees, not to mention the exact same career), and yet I'm being paid significantly less than them.

Well, the issue is not only for me, but also for another coworker... an Afro-descendent man, with equal degrees and more years than any of those paid more than us. And the exact same job description. I still remember the first time I mentioned the discrepancy, and I was asked in return "well, what were you expecting?". I just stared, trying to comprehend that someone was actually asking me that.

From a team of eight, I believe, this coworker and I were the ones paid less. Allegedly there was a "delay" or a "lapse" of sorts due to the previous ways of promoting people (people were promoted basically if they went to the boss and pleaded their cases, asking for a raise. It was dependant on how well you came along with your boss, and your lack of decency in asking for something regardless if your job merited it or not). The new ordering of job profiles was meant to put people in the cathegory they had to be in according to the tasks they actually did. It was through this process that my coworker and I realized that we all did the exact same job... sort of. Him and I did the job noted in the profile, the others may or may not, as I knew there were things I did that they didn't (but either way, you "only" need to surely complete at least 80% of all tasks), and we were assured that we would get a raise, we would all get the same wage. And we didn't.

I mean, sure, him and I got a "raise" of +$34 per month, but the difference between our wages and that of our better paid colleagues is $1000 per month. Him and I are $966 per month cheaper for the company than our other coworkers, and we do the exact same job. The excuse for this? So far I've heard "that's up to HR" and "well, your wages were already so low...".

After many years of this, honestly, I just got to the end of my patience. I am worthy, my capabilities and my skills are valuable. Not for my current company for sure, but they are valuable. And so I hatched a plan: I'll look for a better job.

The Plan

Now, my plan is simple but it will take time. There is a number of things I need to complete before I start doing my move:

1. I need to finish my MSc, so I can add that to my updated resume. Though my current "Lic" title is equal to an MSc, I prefer the MSc because it will have the emphasis in Innovation, and that could open better doors for me. ^-^
2. I'll work on my Excel skills. I'm checking up and taking notes on free, online tutorials aimed to improve and enrich my Excel skills, so I'll be better at using it. I've no experience with pivot tables or macros, and I want to add that to my skill "stock". If asked in an interview, I want to confidently be able to answer "you've got to be kidding me, of course I do know how to do that".
3. I want to learn Python, as well as get back on R and learn to use it fully.
4. I want to start reading a bit more financial papers and get better acquainted with the banking world, as that's one place where I want to go looking for a new position.
5. I want to cancel my loan with the workers' fund of the company, so I can retrieve the totality of my savings there, without anything being deducted from it.
6. I'll have to carefully plan and retrieve my savings, so the liquidation of my funds there won't be held up can caught up in the incompetence of HR when my resignation letter and job liquidation proceedings start.

I know, sounds like a lot and it is a lot. The cancelling of the loan can't be done just yet, as I have a previous project in plan, aimed to cancel my credit card debt. However, if all goes as planned, next year I'll be able to start working on cancelling my loan, and that might take me a tad over a year. That means that I'll probably have about a little over two years still in this company. Too much? Well, no. Aside from the insult of the wage, the job isn't all that horrendous, and we are (still) working from home. However, I will have 2+ years to work on the first four items of my list, and that's not only plenty of time to achieve those goals, but also to become really good and maybe even pick up extra skills.

It was quite sad to me to realize after over 20 years at the company, that this relationship is a toxic one. I relied on my work being noticed for its quality, and thus being recognized the way jobs recognize good work: with a raise. However, aside from one occasion - and even then the raise was less than deserved - all I have gotten fof my effort has been sporadic praise. But "praise" don't pay bills. "Praise" don't pay for school or travels. I'm done with praise. I can praise myself and know that the praise I give to myself is honest. From my job I want money because I no longer trust their words, and above all, I don't trust their praise.

Last Post of 2023

Property of Stormberry

 I'm finishing this year with:

1. A lot of plans for the next year,
2. Resolve to endure to get much closer to my goals throughout 2024,
3. COVID-19 for the first time in my life.

Yep, that last one is quite a thing. For me. I came down with what I thought was "flu" on Christmas day, but it wasn't until two days later, upon the insistence of my mother (she suspected it could be COVID), that I took the test (there was one kit at home) that I realized I, indeed, had COVID. Oh goodie. I managed to avoid it for three years, but in the end I became a member of the club.

I guess I have this new Eris variant, but if you ask me, it feels exactly the way flu feels like. The first two days were horrid, and now I'm stuck with the Runny-Nose-From-Hell. I'm pretty sure I've blown my weight in snot out of my nose by now. Isn't that lovely?

The advance on the thesis front is really slow, as the current task isn't very inspiring and quite time consuming. But it is, nontheless, moving forward. I just really hope I can finish it this year, as I'm aiming for that in one of my New Year Resolutions. I just want to be over with it, so I can start working on getting a PhD.

Both the MSc as the PhD are a matter of personal goals, and not a professional goal, as my current job hardly even recognized the actual work I do, much less my preparation I have for it, so the extra degrees are simply a way for me to accumulate and explore new knowledge. What can I say? Some people colect stuff, others like travel, others rather party or date or have sex, and I like knowledge. Now, this doesn't mean that I only read serious, scientific or philosophical things, as nothing could be farther from reality. I like stories, and my favoured type of readings are novels. I guess I like knowledge because I like the stories that come within the knowledge I seek: economics (my favored area) are full of stories.

I can't blame COVID for the slowing of the progress of my thesis, but I do intend to use the days of vacation (of which half is already gone) to work on it, and present my tutor with something of an advanced improvement by the begining of next year. I really need to get going, get all this small details hammered out so I can go on with the story behind my research: innovation policy's effect on labor.

By the end of this year I've made a couple of big decisions looking forward to 2024. I paid in advance the whole year at a gym, and so I intend so go, at least twice a week, to get in better shape. With that in mind I also ordered a new fitbit to keep myself motivated to exercise. My weight has been going up and I moved into the overweight zone, so I have to start making changes to get back to the normal weight, not only because that's healthier, but also because I want to fit back in my clothes again. It would be just too expensive to change my whole closet. And I like a lot of my clothes, so why change them?

Every year I also tend to make big budget plans to rid myself of debt - inspired mostly by the incredible success I had in 2011 when I whipped out  a staggering debt by the sheer power of my determination - and this year I have made that same decision with a small added trick: a more detailed plan and an actual commitment to get it done. I have two debts: the credit card and the loan from the FGA. The FGA loan works down in a constant fashion, but the credit card debt fluctuates as here and there I find myself in need of using the card. After much thinking I realized that the trigger for my card is always the same: vet expenses.

I've changed vets last year, as our old vet has become hideous with cats. The new vet is a place that actually specializes in cats, but I have been noticing that - under the guise of worry and care - they have been pumping out loads of money from me (my card, to be precise) for a lot of check ups and test my babies probably don't need. One of my cats -Woody - has costed me a fortune with citologies and a biopsy of an unhealing nose problem. It turns out that he has feline AIDS and on top of that a very serious skin cancer. The outlook for him is bleak and his chances to get cured are minimal, yet the vet was pushing for an appointoment with an oncologist and maybe start a chemotherapy treatment. That's where I hit the breaks. Goodness, no. I won't run myself into debt to torture my cat and make his last days a living hell.

I've decided to limit the vet visits to vaccines and that will be that. And to kill my credit card. So I sat down, mapped up all my forseeable expenses and laid out a detailed fortnight by forthnight plan. It came out quite a strick one, with nearly no wiggle room, but certainly one that needs to be implemented.

Something we sometimes forget to see is our own reality. By turning a blind eye, by not making a plan, not looking at our balance, we try to pretend that things are much better, much easier, or running much better than they are. I did not delude myself, these are my expenses, these are the things I spend on, and my only "wiggle room" are my groceries, where sometimes I run amok packing up the cart with things I end up throwing out as they rot on my shelves or my fridge (my waste basket eats more veggies than I do).

2024 is a year for me to take a hard look at things, work for my goals, carve a path for the future I want from here on and get on with the program. It's not going to be easy, I know that, but it's nothing I can't deal with. I have proven myself time and again that I can adapt and I can flourish in any situation. I am resilient, creative and I can stick to my own plans with astonishing stubbornness, as my recent Mock Lottery Project showed me this year. If I want it, I can make it happen, and I will make it happen.

2024 will be the year I'll step on the gas on to reach my goal to become the Aunt March of my story.