Why We Say "Real Friends"?

Do you penpal? If you do - just as probably you also do if you have cyberfriends - you tend to refer to the friends you know and meet in person as your "real friends". Some prefer the more "politically correct" term "Real Life Friends", but then again, when outside the net, when a physical letter arrives from one flesh and bone friend to another, doesn't that make them both - and the message! - be in the real life?

Today I FINALLY managed to finish my friend Trish's letter, which will be finally sent on Monday first thing, but not without being thoroughly scanned first, to avoid another incident like that with my a friend from Malaysia, who's still waiting for a letter I sent SEVEN weeks ago, going to EIGHT, and since back then I wasn't close to a scanner, I didn't think even in getting it photocopied, and so NOW I must write her again - which I do gladly - but all those words, and all those answers and thoughts are lost for ever and ever and as long as the Postal Service decide to sit on them.

Though I'm the kind of penpal that doesn't really make muyh difference between "friends met in Technicolor" and penpals, and I love and seek to meet all of my penpals, just to put a moving, laughing face and time spent together at the "same time", behind the handwriting and the time spent together in different moments. There's people who prefer never to meet their penpals, and I respect that too, as certainly there's a magic in keeping the mystery, and perhaps also avoiding an unpleasant surprise at discovering that a great penpal might turn up a henious friend in person. However, for me my penpals are just as Real as my Technicolor friends. I'm just as glad to hear from them, and I love the time I spend with them. Both with penpals and Technicolor friends, one shares, and trusts and laughs and confides, talks over matters that matter ^_^ and care for them and remember them in prayer just the same.

Penpals and Technicolor friends can also turn to be fake and full of treachery and ultimate intentions, secret agendas and back stabbers, and they can also be the people they trust the most, the ones that contain all of our secrets and the things we tell nobody else. In both of them we can find an empathic soul that not only listens to/read us, but who understands where we are coming from and what are we going through.

I have friends, I have REAL friends. Some of them are penpals, others are Technicolor, and currently even my Technicolor friends are becoming cyberfriends, with few exceptions... who are going from cyber friends to Technicolor again - hey, it goes with the change of location! I'll be working to get more Technicolor friends with whom to hug, sit next to, kiss on the cheek, and get wasted at a bar. You know, stuff real friends do. ^_^ My plan: enroll to German lessons and make friends there. ^_^ But these Technicolor friends, would not diminish the value my other friends have, won't be more real than my other friends, just by being physically here. They'll be new friends, and all of my other friends will continue just as real, just as important and just as valuable as always. After all, if they are my friends, they must be the Most Wonderful People In The Planet... and they are. ^_^

Open Wounds

It is without question that through living, through the times, through history, we get wounded. Historically, as a country a battle is lost, a war is lost, a rebellion is squashed, we are conquered, our lands get invaded or taken away or our allies betray us, among many other chances. Personally, we can experience justice to be taken away from us, we can get heartbroken, humiliated, rejected, robbed, deprived, exploited, abused... and these things leave wound, maybe even very deep wounds in us. It is natural for us to be wrapped in hurt and mourning for the pain inflicted, and even after it has been terminated, for a while we still shake and need to recover from the blow.

This time varies depending on many things, but above all depending on ourselves. Our wounds, national and personal, physical and emotional, need to be aired, mourned, washed clean with tears and let the process of scarring and healing take place. Scars - however small or big - are expected to be left behind - particularly in the case of emotional wounds, as these scars represent the memory of what happened, connect tissue to emotion and memory so we always remember what it was like and learn from the experience. This is good, this is wholesome, as with each heartbreak we survive we get stronger and wiser in order not only to face the next one, but also to start the next relationship. With each disappointment, we learn how to handle and possibly prevent the next one.

It happens, however, that sometimes some wounds are not allowed to heal, and are constantly ripped open, left open and scratched, stirred to keep them bleeding even risking infection, poisoning and rotting. Even if that risks an emotional gangrene and the amputation of the emotional limb, the connection. This can happen both because the wounded person refuses to move on, and though can't turn the clock back to the previous state, rather remain in the last bit of it, even if that means pain, but also by a third party that seeks to manipulate through pain.

You may know this kind of people, these are those "friends" who constantly remind you things that make you upset, sad or hurt. The people who won't let go of your mistakes, and keep rubbing your flaws in your face at every given chance. People also that keep refreshing your mourning and memories of a very sad event or situation. These people are toxic for you and either openly or in a veiled fashion, consciously or unconsciously, try to harm you. Either out of jealousy, our out of resentment because you've surpassed a stage they weren't so successful at passing, they seek to drag others down, rob away their happiness and make sure others or a particular person is as miserable as they themselves actually feel.

It's sad to realize that we are not only surrounded by toxic people in our personal lives, who seek to keep our wounds open, but so it happens that nationally we are also ruled by people who dig the nation's wounds to open them, rip them bloody, so that the nation can be manipulated, cheated, lead on without realizing where things are taking them. Those who take an invasion and justify it by ripping open wounds - real or fictional, factual or embellished, magnified - about past affronts and loss of territory, or even under the excuse of "freedom", "liberation" and "national duty to protect the weak".

Wounds ripped open about the past, to generate a fake, overzealous national feeling, direct the attention to imaginary or overly inflated foreign threaths while ignoring the internal corruption and the opressing of the people by the very hands of their own.

Wounds must be let scarred, their mourning time must be over and we ourselves must learn to move on. Not to forget - never that - but to stop being the slaves of our pain and our past.

Make a Home Out of a Flat

When my boyfriend when for me at Mezőkövesd, after I spent three days there at Mommy's place, he mentioned that staying alone at home wasn't so bad this time, as it felt different: it felt like home. This made me happy, but then made me think about what makes a home out of a given space - be it a room, a flat or a house.

Some of my friends have told me about the issues they have out of making a place feel "right", and in the case of others there's no need for words: you enter the space and it automatically feels wrong. But what's the trick? Is it the orderly arranging of the things? Is it the Zen disposition of furniture? Is it the harmonizing style of the furniture? Page through a home and decoration magazine, or a furniture catalogue (like IKEA's), or go online and check different pictures of rooms and homes. Copying a decoration from a magazine makes a home?

That's not the place to go. Yes, you can get inspiration for a style, but I believe that the secret for charming a space into a home is in the spirit, the heart you put in it. There's no better glue to hold up a room, a space, a home, that the amount of fresh, good, happy you you can put into it. It doesn't need to be expensive, it doesn't need to be new, unique or vanguardist, all it needs to be is You, all over the place. You can copy pages from a magazine, but that doesn't make it feel like a home. You can keep absolute and strick order and cleanliness and that it would make feel your home sterile. Mess and chaos isn't the answer either. The answer is to know yourself, and put yourself in your home. Go with the flow, dare to use and dare to throw away and don't be afraid of trying and trying again as the space slowly takes the shape that reflects you... all of you. ^_^ That's what makes a home.

Pictures of our home.

Our library is filling up slowly and steadily with books ^_^

I love my framed picture! Don't you?

Our desk. My boyfriend was using it at the moment

I just love our mirrored closet and this cozy corner of our livingroom

Margin Call and Financial Responsability

I believe it was last week, when I've got to see a movie called "Margin Call". I haven't seen any trailers of it, but once I've got a glimpse of the poster, I decided that was a movie I would love to see. I hoped it would be a movie about soemthing financial, but didn't have any information on it. Sure, from the poster shown at the movie theatre it could have been an accion movie about snitching drugs or something like that, so imagine how delighted I was when the movie turned to be exactly and entirely about the financial world, and it included some of my favorite actors (Paul Bettany, Kevin Spacey, Simon Baker, Jeremy Irons, Stanley Tucci), in a cast composition that blew me away!

Quirk of mine or a professional hazard, I really, really love financial or economics themed movies and stories. This in particular - which was about a unnamed bank realizing that they have pushed the envelop too far and toxic mortgages were about to explode in their face - had quite a strong message in many levels.

The movie inspired me to write particularly about the topic of financial responsability, but as there was the topic about the whiners, the topics started to collide, one thing pulling to the other, forming relationships and making sense into another topic, and made me (re)wake up to the fact that financial issues and whining feed on each other (too).

If you recall the last financial crisis (not the Greece or the Italian debacle, but more like the implosion that erased Freddy Mac and Fanny Mae from the face of the Earth), the one that forced the American Government to issue a $1 trillion bailout for banks, it started crumbling at the banking system due to very risky mortgages that were traded around in big bulks, much like a hot potato and generating a lot of money that had no sustance, nor any back up or support other than especulation and a crazy hunger to get money for nothing. This situation had many faces, but the one that got most of the attention was the banking sector, the brokers and the big account excecutives with the huge, juicy paychecks and bonuses.

The movie touches this topic as well, making an interesting point out of highlighting how much money some of these big heads get, how deep they are in the heart of the mess that pulls the whole system down, and yet, how in the order to cut costs to try and get the train back on the rails, they cut the heads of people who make much less than they do, do much more than what they do, weaken the company, weaken the system, but try to save their big slice of the cake. Really, do you want to cut on costs, so you fire 60 people who make under $100 K a year, and yet you keep the fat cats that work less, spend more company dime AND earn $40 million a year? I don't know what kind of economics they studied - if they studied any - but that doesn't add up. But why do they do it? For greed, endless, bottomless greed.

In this circle being "smart" isn't about being conscious, about using your knowledge to make something good, make something better, but about how can you make more money and get away with murder. But why do we allow it? Here comes the second element of the equation. We allow it, because many of us also want to be them, make that much money, whatever the cost.

Just think about it: if someone offers you $60 million, do you take it or do you leave it? How many of you would take the money? How many would ask "why?"?, How many would ask "what for?"? How many of you would actually question why the money is given, on what account, and how many of you would just ask "really?" or look for hidden traps? However, how many of you would ask themselves "and what could I do with that money?"?

As it has been noticed, there's plenty of people who whine on a professional level, and people chronically depressed and unhappy. The reasons are many and as different as people themselves, but it seems that today wherever you go you are surrounded by unhappy people. This much sadness can bring you down as well, but you don't need to let this happen. However, as it happens, unhappiness and unfulfillment are a key part of the system that allows these big executives get their big paychecks. Don't believe me? Just take a look at what's going around you. You are told that you are unatractive, that you need to change your body, make it thinner. The bar currently is set so high the actual models are being photoshopped to meet the new requirements. This will send you spending loads of money on fat burning pills and all sorts of equipment, gyms and reducing clothes you don't really need, and that will only make you feel worse about yourself, like a failure, which will generate more and more needs, for which you will be systematically convinced that you need to spend your hard earned money to "fix".

You are constantly told that your clothes are not good enough if they are not of a given brand, that your bag isn't good enough if it didn't cost you $2000, your shoes are not good enough either. And if you save and you get one of those items, be ready to get rid if it in 3 months because you can't wear "last season's fashion". The same happens with your electronics. Your mobile phone or smartphone needs to be replaced as soon as the new version hits the stands, and as it happens the "wow effect" wears out after a month or so. So you end up spending a lot of money on a thing that needs to be replaced by something just as expensive - or more - on a matter of months.

Your house isn't big enough, your TV isn't HD enough, to big enough, of flat enough, or thin enough, your laptop or netbook isn't WOW enough either, and you are told constantly that in order to be happy, you need to have everything, whether you really need it or not. Conveniently, a lot of so-called wise-people (called gurus), preech that "conformism" is a bad thing. May Hyne forbid you ever feel sated, you ever feel like you reached the level you want to be in, because that's "conformism", and that's something you must avoid at all costs. If you get sated, you won't move out of that level and you'll "stop evolving". Really? And where did that took  us to?

As it happens, for any regular John or Jane Doe like you and me, you can go on spending on stuff as long as your income allows you - if you have an income. If you make $1000 a month, you are supposed to stay within that frame. However, if you follow your common sense and the lessons you may have learned at home - or at least at Home Economy Class at school - then you know that the money you make should go first and foremost to the main expenses: pay bills, pay the rent, get the groceries. Over that you can save and/or spend on other matters. This is nice and okay, except that this doesn't allow these financial executives to cut a slice of your paycheck for themselves. So, through the market starts the preeching of this "better life" you should attain. You are made feel inadecuate, left behind, or whatever negative feeling that gets you spending. However, if you have $1000, what else can you spend if that's all you have? Well, take on loans, but maybe taking on loans might stop you when you realize you are getting over your head. So what to do? Cheat people.

You are still fed with the idea that you are not well the way you are, you are nurtured into a whiner, an unhappy person who needs to get well, and who will be offered time and again expensive, fake solutions that would offer only a temporary false sense of comfort, but from which the relapse into unhappiness will be bigger. Credit cards came into place with a lot of glam and glitter, selling a sense of freedom that only helped feed irresponsability. You were told you were free while the banks and fonancial companies where giving you enolugh rope to hang yourself. And that was okay, because the banks loved the way you spent, they loved the interest rates they could charge you, and licked their lips in anticipation for the big loads they could cash.

Things went bigger, and a lot of people bought the ticket into the fake dream, spending not only what they didn't have, but also what they didn't have the means to pay back. Banks didn't care either, as they relied also on the brokering system, the bourse and the trading, so they piled up the money, they bundled it up, sold it, and if the loans caved in, it was going to be someone else's problem. They infected the regular people with greed, rubbed their irreal lives in their noses, egged them to look for it even if they didn't have their paychecks to cover for that type of life.

From this you could quickly deduce that the guilty of the story are the greedy executives, that they tricked people into this swirl, but that's not really the lesson. Though banks and the financial sector is pretty much guilty for what happened, the whole system, and even you and me, are guilty of what happened. Why did we buy the lie? Why can't we say: "No thank you, truth is I'm happy with what I have"? Why do we believe a third person who doesn't know us telling us that we are flawed and should be unhappy and unsatisfied? Do you really need fashionable clothes? Are they really that good? A $10 bag works just as well as a $2000 one. What do you do with it anyways? You put your stuff in it, and use it to carry your things around. Why do you need a bag that's more expensive than a used car?

Do you really need another mobile phone or smartphone? Really? What's wrong with the current one, except that it isn't the latest hot ticket? It doesn't work for you anymore? Really? And why do you need to change your body? Why do you strive to look the way not even the model looks like? Why do you need a bigger house? Don't you fit in your current house? Isn't enough what you currently pay in amenities? Isn't enough the chores you have to do to keep your home looking well?

The question raises from the movie, and it got me thinking, whether this would have happened if people would have had decades ago the nerve to say: "you know what? your add is pretty, but I don't need your crap" or say "you may look down on conformism, but let me tell you this: I don't want to be trapped in an eternal loop. I want to reach satisfaction, want to know where's my level of satisfaction, and I don't need to push the envelop further from there, because evolution doesn't run on one track, but many, and if I'm already making the money I want to make, I can concentrate on something else, like the things I can do in my free time".

The media won't tell you this, but remember: it's okay to say "enough" and it's okay to say "no thank you". Your gut knows better than your account executive. Trust it.

Witch Trials Today

Witches exist today, in many forms and shapes, thus the witch hunters also exist, sadly, and also in many forms and shapes. If you have any knowledge of history - European and North American history at least -, or have seen movies or read books about the Salem witches or any other witch and witch trials (like Season of the Witch, for instance), you know - duh - about witch trials. Though you may or may not admit the existence of witches - be these fantastic creatures capable of terrible, ill, destructive magic, or as sweet, wonderful white witches who are all about crystals, love, herbs and living in huts away from others, or as people who call themselves witches and practice a pagan or neo-pagan religion... one of the many currently being practiced -, the people who were sentenced and put to death in most of these trials weren't witches. Back then "witch" was the word stitched to people that were different, provoked the envy of others or had something someone else wanted. It was like the word "communits" in the Capitalist block back in the middle of last century, or the word "terrorist" in this century's first decade. It was a lable you stuck on someone, that made them vulnerable to any attack, that was hard to wash off, and which made stick any irrational, outrageous accusation.

Though I believe in many types of witches, today's blog is about this last type: the "witches by victimization".

We may read books, watch movies, see a documental on Discovery Channel about Salem, and not understand how is it possible that a whole community was able to commit such an atrocity, judge without base 140 of their peers and murder 19 of them on the crazed clames and stories of a bunch of young girls and a scared young maid servant. How can anyone - lest a whole town! - believe that a neighbour as normal and devoted Christian as any of them would be a witch and cause a cow to get sick? Why would anyone jump into that conclusion? Well, for the same reason we do it now as well: mob mentality.

It happens today, in nearly every sphere of life, that someone is suddenly a witch, out of whatever reason, and  with the handy aid of someone with issued, their surrounding start outcasting them and spreading ill gossip, accusing the witch of things that person hasn't even thought about. Among friends someone perhaps resent the new friend, because it's younger, prettier, more successful, has the attention of the group, and that sparks enough hate to divide the group and force the outcast of the witch.

The most common of cases often happen at work or at diverse groups - hobby groups, sports' groups, gym, professional group, class, etc. - where a person or a small group feels threatened in ways that are to shameful to admit, by a third party. It can be a newcomer or even someone who has been in the group for a while. The one who prefers to do things their own way, the one who works harder, the one who usually has the best  ideas, the one who's usually right, the one who inadvertedly sheds light on the flaws and shortcomings fo the rest, the one who's closer to a promotion or to become the representative of the group (like in the case of chess associations). Even in a church, a witch can pop up in a congregation if one of them excels the others and has more support to fill an important position, or who usually opposes the opinion of the rest and arguments the case flawlessly.

Do you know the case? Have you been perhaps the witch? Or the witch hunter?

I have been the witch one too many times, just like my friend Dragonfly, and my dear Sartassa have also been witches in their groups. I'm sure their witch hunters spend entire nights justifying their actions, going over and over their lame, invented, weak arguments in order to believe them, so that they don't have to admit the real reason of the trial they put witches through: they don't like people who break their sense of normalcy, who set off the scale and make it evident that there's more to life and more alternatives and opportunities than what their narrow little boxes allow.

I won't say that "witches" are always right, but if there's something we could learn from history, is that witch hunters are always wrong, always jaded and always projecting their deep insecurities. I would also say that witch hunters are so set and so obssessed on the trial of the witches because they more often than not, seek to uphold a flawed system, one that entails the constant unhappiness of those subjected to it - forcing unnatural rules, demanding sacrifice, cutting ways for self fulfillment, opposing synergy and efficiency, growth and development, and yes, even honest behavior - and the witch is usually a person who shows the group a different way.

Witches exist today, and most likely you are a witch in some circle, or you could become one. It's okay, that only says that you are capable of seeing things differently, that you are good and amazing the way you are and in the way you are doing things, and that threatens someone who refuses to do things right, to be happy or even allow others to be. Just try not to be ever the witch hunter.

Further Training and Further Learning

In many books and pages we often read that the secret to professional success if further training. No matter what you learned, what your area is, truth to be told, you need to refresh your skills and knowledge from time to time. Whether you are not employed - or not employed in your area of expertise - or employed, training is important, and more at hand than you'd imagine.

Who Should Provide the Training?

I've known plenty of people who believe that further training is the responsability of the employer, and thus the company that employs them should be the one paying for their further improving of their skills or their acquiring of new skills. Though often companies do train their employees, or further train them, in order to be better equiped for the job the company wants the to do, one must never forget that all types of trainings are always a gain for the employees themselves. After all, one thing that can never be taken away from you is what you've learned, what you know. You can forget, if you allow yourself to forget, but no other person can take it from you, and that makes knowledge and skill such an important, valuable asset in one's life.

Also, people relying on the training selected by the company, cut their chances at expanding in other areas of interest that might broaden their scope and their view. It's very good to participate in trainings organized by the company, or trainings organized by professional groups you belong to, or can join freely, but you can - and you should - also actively seek further training by your own.

Where to Start?

Depending on your circumstances, you may look universities and their websites, and these often offer free courses, or paid courses you could take to improve and refresh your skills and knowledge. Professional groups, such as Professional Commitees or Unions, are also a great option, but if neither of these is available, there's always the internet. Check on blogs and different sites, but don't stop there, start there! Check out articles, look for web seminars (or webinars), check suggested books and try to remain on top of the latest news and trends of your craft. It applies also to the cases where you've got a degree in A, but are working and more interested in B. Check A, check B... check the one you wish to improve, you wish to hone into a fine shape.

For instance, inspired in a job post I recently checked out (and applied for), I decided to roam the net looking for information on Project Management. I've worked on this area pretty much the last eight years, and have received quite some training in it, BUT I felt that a little bit more of tuning wouldn't harm. It's amazing to read articles that reinforce my experience and what I've learned both in books and in the field, and also know about the latest trends.

You can look for different topics too, and read articles, maybe attend professional breakfasts if you have the chance, the time and the resources, and nurture your profession.

Truth is that even if the profession was forced on you, you decided to make it happen, you decided to follow it - otherwise, once you've got the job, why didn't you choose to study what you really like? - so what's stopping you from improving it and let it grow stronger? The choice is yours.

Daylight Saving Time

Ah, Europe! I'm definitivelly outside the Tropic of Cancer. Today is the begining of Daylight Saving Time. This is something that doesn't exist in Costa Rica, but in here it's part of every year. Summer time, winter time... the difference between the lenght of day and night vary so sensibly that these measures make sense. Experiencing it is so exciting! The days through the year are really so different here! If you follow Pagan Practices, or are generally atuned to nature, or love the idea of the cycles of the year, this is the best place to experience them.

Due to this - in a way - I woke up late to go out on my regular jogging/walking rutine, specially because today I went to Church. There must have been something in the air because I was feeling very happy and very energetic. This is how - coming back from Church - I decided what would I do for lunch, and went to the nearby store to buy the supplies I didn't have in my pantry. Lunch was quite a success, even if the stove wasn't working as it should.

After lunch my boyfriend and I went to the Margit Island... walking. Basically I did my rutine, only I did it with him, in the afternoon, and walking around the center of the island.  These are some of the pictures I took.

Statue of Boy in Lake

People Enjoying the Spring

Deer kept at the Mini Zoo

Peacocks from the mini Zoo

Boyfriend and I at the Margit Island

This is Spring in Europe, and it's BEAUTIFUL!!! I love it, and hope I can partake in many, many, many more to come. ^_^

Sleepy and Tired After a Day of Chores and Early Waking Up

Truth is, I've got plenty of topics to talk about. I saw a movie - Margin Call - and it made me think of the financial decisions we make, and as result the decisions we make and how they reflect on the rest of the world. I have issues with the Postal Service and how they charge you more for a certified letter or package, but the tracking their offer is only within the limits of the country, and very limited. I could talk about how I'm jogging every day, running a bit more, and yet I'm getting heavier - could it be because my apetite is bigger and I can't resist a calorie rich meal? ^_^ - And I could talk about a lot of things, but right now I won't. Sorry, I'm tired and I'm sleepy.

I note all these ideas in little post-its in my agenda, keeping them for those days when I'm sitting before my keyboard and have nothing to say, and nothing comes to mind. Today, however, it's the opposite.

I woke up rather early and all by myself, and went out to jog/walk in my now usual track. I jogged a part of it, as I'm still not fit enough to jog the whole circuit - which I intend to accomplish within a year, so I can participate in the next Vivicitá run - and was gone between my music - this time a collection of Pagan Music, for that usually connects me better with nature, and the beat also suits my rhythm - and the view. At the mini Zoo of the island, today the peacocks felt particularly vain and all of them decided to spread their tails, which naturally made me stop in my tracks and take a picture of them. ^_^

My boyfriend's Mom was celebrating her birthday today, but since it was rather late, I decided not to send him on his way on an empty stomach, and made him a calorie rich lunch: pasta with cottage cheese, lots of sour cream and fried bacon. It was DE-LI-CIOUS!

After that, the cleaning lady came, and so while she cleaned, I occupied myself with arranging things around the flat and taking care of smaller tasks. Not that I don't trust her capabilities to clean, but you know, when you are picky and you like to personally take care or certain things. :-)

By the end, I walked to the "near by" Auchan - which isn't close at all! - and buy a few things we needed. Sugar, Special K, an electric extension and things of the sort. My boyfriend was out of the family event rather sooner than expected, so he met me up at Auchan, where we tied up the buying with a couple of magazines - when we were supposed to get only the week's TV Guide. Yeah, like that's EVER going to happen! At home I made dinner while he fixed the new extension in the kitchet, making quite a nice work, if I may say so. :-) The kitchen looks now more presentable, and the boiler, as well as our new blender are displayed properly on our counter.

The oven is clean as well, so I can make bread and bake all sorts of nice pastry, and prepare oven-requiring food. However this time around I did something simple: omelets with some onion served on toasted bread with smoked cheese on top. It's not a meal for someone on a diet, but it's freaking delicious, and that's what matters. :-D

In the end, I'm tired, and all I want to do is sleep, so that's what I'm going to do right now. Good night.

Everybody Has Problems, Deal With It

It's funny that I've picked this topic to post today, when my friend Dragonfly has decided to post about whiny people and how much better life is when you don't whine so much. She wrote about the chronic whiners and how much we (not so chronic whiners) whine about them, but also about how to turn around our attitude, and stop that impulse to whine and rather do something about it. On this line I started thinking about whiners, and all the reasons for which we whine, and above all, the way we whine.

Whining per se isn't a bad thing. It happens that you get in trouble, you worry and it happens that TALKING about it, expressing it, letting it out, eases your pain a little. Whining is okay, when you take also the next step and work your issues, look for ways out of the problem, seek help, once you feel lighter thanks to the unloading whining allows you. The problem comes when someone expects to get the solutions from whining, and whining isn't a solution. Whining is meant to ease you up enough to be able to act do something about what ails you. Even the type of "whining" people do about the politics of their countries of the world, is meant to go beyond the whining and propose solutions, find ways to make things better. Whining alone is barren.

Sadly, then, a lot of people like a secondary effect of whining, which is the attraction of attention. In this sense, some whiners use the whining to get attention and thus get the illusion they are being loved. By now it's neatly futile to explain that attention isn't love, that a "like" isn't love, and a "follow" isn't love either.

In the whining there's also the matter of the way you choose to whine. Evidently, most chronical whiners, like to whine to other people, instead of reserving their discontent to more private, intimate or even anonymous forums. Whine publicly online - perhaps even expect others to write and commiserate - or whine up and down to everybody they cross paths with. On top of that, often whiners believe they are the only ones in the world with issues, and in the light of this misconception, they force their problems on others, expecting attention and even the solution of their matters from others.

Everybody has problems, everybody has something to whine about, and yes, it happens that sometimes you have something to vent about, that you can't really fix - like when you have to deal with really moronic people on daily basis - and so you went. Sure, you can't change your clients, if you work in the Customer Service segment, and you can't change your family, if you have to deal with someone you can't really avoid, and who won't attend to reason when you ask them to stop bullying you or mocking you, or drowning you in their annoying matters. For these cases, yes, venting now and then it's perfectly okay, and if you find a kindred spirit who also needs to vent, team up! Vent! Hyne knows I've plenty to vent about, and I have friends who also have a lot to vent about and there's no bigger pleasure in the world than to listen to their issues and have their receptive ears to empty my own issues. And that's fine, it's part of the process, it's what keep you from going insane in a situation you can't control, or that could bring more damage in terminating, than in enduring. But that's different from whining to people who are just not interested in your issues, who don't want to be your kindred spirit.

Everybody has problems, and most people vent and seek ways to get over them, to fix them, to make their lives better. So the next time you vent or someone vents to you, think: "What's next? How can I move on from here?" :-) Seek solutions, look into yourself, perhaps you'll find out you are much stronger and maybe even much cunning and smarter than you originally thought yourself. :-)

Why You Don't Tell Your Boyfriend About Mercury Retrograde

My boyfriend is quite open to my research on other religions (though we shall see how open he remains when I start my studies on Islam, Judaism or even Buddhism), and though at first he had the normal "divine fear for his soul" when he glanced at my humble pile of books on witchcraft, he has come to accept it quite well. As part of the research, I find a lot of things that appeal to me, or that sound intriguing, so I try them out (which is why I want to see how his "openneess" will evolve when I get to other religions, and may Hyne forbit I feel one day like waking before the sun and intone the customary invitation to prayer. Hell, it gives him a nightmare that I wake up at 7:30 am to go jogging!), and so I've been meditating on the Sabbaths and often even improvising a small altar-like composition that impressingly does help me get into it better, and meditate better on the significance and my personal interpretation of the celebration.

Well, thing is that thanks to my Witchy almanac, I know we are experiencing an astrological phenomenon called "Mercury Retrograde". After a conversation my boyfriend and I had about issues we had experienced, I suddenly occured to me that these problems with communication - which have been happening lately - might be due to the Retrograde. Silly me, I shared my theory with him. I shouldn't have. Today he has been cursing the Mercury Retrograde all day, conviced it is the root of a few really interesting issues that have arised at the office. But is it really so?

Either you want to believe or not on the influence planets and their movement has on us, the phenomenon of this "astrological Murphy's Law" does teach us something: our plans are not supposed to be perfect, things happen, you may have an unpleasant experience, it might feel like eternity and the end of the world, but it isn't. After everything unpleasant, things get back to normal, and a set back doesn't mean the end of the world. It means we can fail, but still, we get around and can continue our lives as normally. It means that a set back isn't a reason to hide and blame others, but a chance to pay more attention than usual, sharpen our senses and review what are we taking for granted and stop doing it.

It's not about being Pagan or being gullible, or being unfaithful to God, it's about noting that there's a world out there and sometimes things fell out of order, trample our structures, but all that comes to an end, unless we dwell in it an make a phenomenon into the center of our lives. Truth is, we can also learn from the unpleasant, so what don't we grab these three weeks and take our chances on it?

In and Out of It

I might start to believe in this "Mercury Retrograde" thing. My boyfriend got a printer that doesn't want to work. I wanted to install it in my computer, when I realized I left a cable for the CD-ROM at home... in Costa Rica. I entered the site of the Insurer in Costa Rica to pay my car's insurance, and it was unable to give me a confirmation of payment, because the system is down. The money got deducted from my account, it was just fucked up in the system of the insurer. So, honestly, what the fuck??

I wanted to wake up an hour earlier to go jogging, and I ended waking up an hour later. I forgot to put on my fitbit after shower. My kindle is working - thanks Hyne -  and I've got a new manga. However the IPTV has been going funky here and there. So, would this be the best time to look for a job in telecommunications?

Funny planets, funny planets.

Blessed Ostara

Today marks the astrological begining of Spring. Day and Night are equall and from here to autumn equinox, we'll have more day than night in our daily 24 hours. It's also the celebration of Ostara, a feast of life, as the Sun heats the days and the plants are being bolder and bolder stripping from the raw colors worn in winter, to take on the lively, fresh greens of the season.

As the celebrations before were about planning and preparing for the work of the year, Ostara is about starting the actual job. The lands have been ploughed (or plowed, if you prefer the American way of writing), and it's time to work the land, plant the seed, welcome the new life. It's time for new beginings, but not that usual, regular planning and dreaming, but a new life and a new begining all about doing.

Have you planned on losing weight? Well, this is the time to celebrate that you won't go around planning, reading books and downloading recipes from the Internet. Today is the day to start it, to put on your snickers and go out move, do some exercise, burn calories. Stop pondering what diet will you follow, and push your snacks back on the shelve, pull forward the healthy food and make it happen.

Have you planned on getting a new job? Well, no more planning! Check on job options, fill some applications, go to interviews and do your best! Or if you are working already but want to move up, or move to another position, start moving your chips! Opportunities don't just fall on your lap by you dreaming about them! Come on! Make thigs happen!

Whatever you want, whatever you wish for, Ostara reminds you that it's time to put some muscle behind your dreams, some action behind your words and bring on the Spring in your life. This is the time.

Of Eggplants and Similars

Eggplants are the kind of veggie that are hard on me. I'd love to like it, but so far all attempts at making something good out of them have miserably failed. Recipe after recipe, the freaking vegetable -  though spreading a heavenly aroma - tastes really foul. I've tried all sorts of recipes I could find, and I was really tempted by the scent, but finally ended up booking the veggie as the sort of thing I would never be able to work with.

Recently, after spending some time with Mommy, I learned a few things about eggplants that changed my mind. She got recently hooked on eggplants, and at my concern about the bitter taste, she told me that the trick to make it taste better is to cut the eggplant in slices and sprinkle them generously with salt. You let the salted slices sit for a little while and then wash the salt away. (A similar method can be found here.) The salt basically sucks the bitter out of the eggplant, so when you cook the eggplant after the procedure, you get a taste much more similar to the wonderful scent it produces.

One of the things she got to love about eggplants is the eggplant cream. With much gusto she told me about how she loved to eat eggplant cream with bread. While I'm sure it must be really healthy, I couldn't picture the eggplant cream as anything I would really like to taste. That until today.

It happens that I had to make some errands and these errands took me close to a commercial center where there's a Leroy restaurant. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting a printer, and after I've seen one that fit our requirements, I called him for us to meet at the commercial center, if possible (we were also fixing a few things around the house and the carpenter was up the flat with my boyfriend getting some of those things done). Well, it was possible, but he would take some time to get there, so I decided to wait for him at Leroy. I'm trying to control my expenses, but I'm also watching what I eat - particularly after picking up some weight with Mommy's cooking - so I was carefull about what I ordered. In the menu I saw eggplant cream with toasted pita chips. "Well, know or never", I thought, and though I have had tasted horrible things at the same place (like a foul poppyseed custard), I ordered the eggplant cream.

It was delicious. Just like with before with the chickpeas - which I never managed to like until I tasted hummus - the eggplant world opened before my eyes with a delighful, amazing universe of smooth taste and texture, and also quite similar to hummus. ^_^

With this experience I've got the chance to learn again, that things aren't always what they seem the first time, first impressions can be deceiving, and if we give things a second chance and have patience, we might be very gladly surprised. Sometimes that dress you thought looks so bad on you, turns out to be the one that flatters you the most, or maybe the old stool you couldn't wait to get rid of, with a bit of painting and a good scrubbing becomes an wonderful piece of your livingroom. And so is with people. The annoying kid might turn out to be a very bright, interesting person, if you give it the chance, the ugly girl can turn out to be far better than a runaway full of models, and the awkward guy with weird hair and scary laugher could end up being your best friend. 

Though there are a lot of eggplants and chickpeas among us - people you need to give a second chance, allow yourself to know them better - sadly there are also a few rotten, poisonous mushrooms that no tenderness, no patience, to chance can call forward the brighter side. Thus yes, when you don't like someone, treat them first like the eggplant, but if it doesn't work, cast them out as a poisonous mushroom before they end up messing up your life.

Margit Island

Today was my first day at jogging, and truth to be told, I loved it. ^_^ I woke up early - quite early as today I also planned to go to the church -, put on my snikers, my regular exercise clothes, set my fit bit and went out to jog, and try to run a little. Well, in case you wonder, I did run a little, like some 200 meters.

The day was frankly beautiful, and I was overwhelmed by the sense of security the whole city gave me. Inspite of the buildings, the streets and the modern artifacts, the tramway rails and the traffic lights, this part of the city was soaked in a deep sense of nature. Trees swinging their branches in the wind quite gingerly, with a studied elegance that has grown second nature in them after ages and ages of practicing, birds singing and slowing colors and feathers like I've never seen before. It was a day too beautiful to stay inside, to deny any soul from the graceful touch of nature. Thus, even though I didn't jog much, I had a path planned, through the Florian square up the Árpád bridge to the Margit Island. I didn't have time to go around the island, though eventually my goal is to be able to do the whole route and around the island jogging, I walked with raised tempo to the island.

I'm sure the island is far prettier, and the experience for anyone who loves nature must be blissful, this route I made wasn't without beauty either. It was magical to walk around the Roman findings of the Florian square, and just magical to walk on the Árpád bridge, looking at the sun gleaming from the surface of the Danube. The trees leaning over to the bridge, their high branches close to the walker, showed something amazing. The branches, seemingly naked and colorless, perhaps still wearing the asen colors of winters, were actually full of little buds or tiny wrapped leaves and flowers ready to bloom at any minute. Up close, as they let me touch them, they were so full of life and expectation, like consumed performers part of a great show, waiting for their tempo, their moment to join the choir of colors and life. Not a minute earlier, not a minute later, but there, full of life and promise, waiting for the time of God, the right moment that doesn't fit the schedule of men,  but the schedule of perfection, to bloom in perfect synchrony and make life wonderful.

I walked about 3.53 km, I exercised and was part of this communion with nature for 50 minutes, took about 5000 steps... but above all, as I walked, I prayed, talked to God in his many forms, stripped of religion, just God and I in the frame of the wonders of His creation... and it was wonderful.

God is everywhere, and often His words can be heard stronger, clearer in the depths of your heart, than read from books and words of scholars.

St. Patrick's Day

Today many people celebrate St. Patrick's Day. People dress in green, decorate with clover or shamrock motives, and play celtic music, maybe even think about Ireland. For many, it might be out of place for people who are not Irish -  particularly Irish and Christian - to celebrate this day, but I still believe that there's a lot to be learned from it, or at least from the stories that get to us from this day. Acording to what I've read on the net, St. Patrick was who brought Christianism to Ireland, and did it not by force, but after living in the island and getting to know the people of the island. (Some sources, such as History Channel, claim that St. Patrick got to the island first at the age of 16, sold as slave.)

The thing that impresses me the most, is how Christianity was brought to Ireland taking in consideration the Pagan traditions of the islanders, which is why the traditional St. Patrick's cross bears a circle, which was the sign of the Sun god. Though in other places Christianity was imposed with blood and cruelty, with the oppression of the weaker, in Ireland there was commitment, there was taking in consideration the traditions and what was sacred for them. I doubt much of the traditional religion was kept, but the merging of the two gods in one symbol (though for me there are one and the same, as God is God, and you can call Him and see Him anyway it spokes best for you), I see something we seldom see: the willingness to find a third way.

Mommy talked to me about this today. Though I nag my boyfriend constantly about order, and lot leaving newspapers and flyers on the dining table, and stuff like that, she told me that a relationship works when both parts commit, and one should know how and when to pick battles, and also to be the bigger person, and be willing to see the other side's point of view. One bears the cross, and the other holds the circle. The one doesn't exclude the other, but we can all get to an understanding and make a brand new path, a new way to do things and make them so much better.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to All!! ^_^

Love and Tradition

I'm spending three days in Mezőkövesd, a village (or town) in Hungary quite to the North-East, famous for the beautiful embroidery proper of the area. My substitute parents live here (they are my "substitute parents" because they are the folks of a dear friend of mine, and since we are like siblings, his folks decided to make me their substitute child ^_^), and so we decided to pay them a visit, and in this visit, I decided to stay. In this three days - now that I can do it, for once I've get a job I probably won't be able to come here and stay long enough - I've been indulging in good homemade cooking and sipping in tips for quick and easy recipes to do at home. After all, I've a home now to housekeep and someone has to be on top of things, and that someone is me. ^_^ 

As expected, there has been plenty of talking as well, where Mommy and I fixed the world and chatted out all the important matters. From recipes and wonderful cabbage soups to loseweight (Daddy has to lose weight, so he's on a cabbage soup diet), to what's going on in the family and in the country, politics and all. From these conversations several things stay with me once I go to bed. Mommy's and Daddy's frankness, their familiarity and how they make you feel part of the family and arriving home the moment you walk past the front gate. Also, their love and care.

It strikes me how they care so much for my boyfriend and I, how they insist to send us back to Budapest with so much food "for the road" that could feed an army for a week. They make sure we feel well, feel welcomed, feel cared for. Mommy and Daddy aren't our biological folks, and yet they care is if were were their children. So, how can it be that there are so many parents out there who can't give a dime for their own children? And in the face of this, how can it be people out there who nag the childless and call them abnormal and immature?

Sadly, I know many parents, and I know all of us do, who think their children are their personal servants, that their children owe them their lives and for that reason shall pay everyday for it. Parents that don't pay attention to them, who can't wait to get rid of them, hide them, assign them to the grandparents or anyone in order to keep living as if they were single and free of care. Parents who act like their kids are a badge they've earned, or see them as a source of income, either by making the other parent of the kid pay child support, or by either sending the children to work or selling them.

With Mommy and Daddy I've the chance to experience a kind of love that knows no limits and it's not tied by blood. Just as with the parents of Dragonfly, or Alix' parents, there's a limitless love that stretches even to those who have not been born from them. Like with my Mom and Dad, who love me and show it inconditionally, they also show inconditional love.

Love isn't something that comes with the blood shared, or because "you are meant to be together" and slip gold rings on each other's fingers. Love starts in you, grows in you and it grows harder, stronger, bigger if the one you love - or the one's you love -love you back and nurture the feeling. But love doesn't die if it's not corresponded. Love can live in if it's nurtured at least for one person. Yes, love can die, if you find out that a love has grown so that hurts you more than it makes you feel good. Then you yourself stop feeding it, and it slowly dies out. But love starts with you.

There's a tradition in this land, about beautiful embroidery, but there's also a tradition of warm hearts and sweet, endless love that's extended inconditionally to anyone willing to be part of the family.

Towards a Goal

Often it's easier to get yourself working, apply yourself to a task, if you have a tangible, real goal before yourself. Of course, sometimes we start doing something looking for a goal that's a bit too far, that might demand more work than what you can do. Such as often the cases of working out or dieting in hopes of losing a lot of weight, or going from a Botero full shape to a sickly, bulimic Vogue bone-sack, or pushing weights to go from a sinewy, toothpick shape to a rippling body builder in a couple of months. It's not realistic either to get goals such as "get married by next year" or "become rich in two years". It's not like you should give up on goals such as getting in shape (but please always keep in mind that you should seek to achieve your NATURAL, HEALTHY weight, not the artificial, unhealthy weight you see on the photoshopped pictures of the glossy magazines), or getting into a steady relationship, if you really believe in relationships, and it's not the way you imagine to solve your life and get an income. However, your goals should be such that you can really reach them.

As you know, after moving to Hungary, I've decided I want to move more, be more active, more healthy. Now, that's easier said than done, specially when Spring is shy in coming, and the days are swept around with cold winds. The snickers have been bought and there's enough exercise clothes to go out jogging, once the days grow a little more warm - unless I decide to go find myself a proper tracking suit that can carry me in the colder days - so only the proper temperature is what's missing. I've also been scouting for  a yoga center that's more atuned to my needs - a.k.a., one that leans more towards the spiritual side of yoga and not so much towards getting a hot, fashionable body shape - but the chance to go out and jog a little is much more at reach - not to mention much more affordable AND it's not tied to any schedule other than mine.

This was basically something I really wanted to do, but didn1t get around to make it happen. Then recently I found out that a telecommunications company is organizing a half marathon in different cities of the country  - Budapest evidently among them - called Vivicitá. It's a run through some of the prettiest parts of the city, and it aims to bring consciousness to the population about how beautiful is the city they live in. The run will be in April 1st. Evidently I won't take part in it, as I'm not in shape, but this gave me the impulse I need: I'll start running to train myself to be able to participate in next year's run (if there's one). The anouncement reminded me also of other similar activities that are usually organized, among them the marathons, semi-marathons and others such organized in October to raise funds for different Breast Cancer organizations.

I'm not working currently, so what's stopping me from putting on my snickers, put on tracking clothes - layered id it's still that cold, and jog to the Margit Island, maybe try, little by little to complete a lap around it. I'm wearing my fitbit, I's step, activity and calorie aware now, so even if I'm not making it now, I can smile at the fact that I complete the daily step and calorie goal. So what's stopping me? Only myself. ^_^ So, what am I waiting for?

I'll be telling you about how all this goes.

We've got IPTV, Internet and Landline Phone!

Tomorrow starts a Long Weekend here. Tomorrow is a holiday - my first holiday! ^_^ even if I'm still not working to enjoy it more fully - and so the State has decided to make Friday a sort of "holiday" too, but one that must be replaced, which means that people will have to work the next Saturday to replace the day left out of work. In this sense, maybe it's a blessing that I'm still not working! (You see? God knows very well, how to do things in such a way that they work better for all of us.) I'm taking this chance to go up to Mezőkövesd, where Marcsi Mama lives, and spend three days with them. My boyfriend isn't coming because he does have to work, as his line of work pretty much picks up when most of people have time to be out enjoying themselves.

This will be the first time since December that we don't sleep together, but are apart. He already pouted, but he knows I want to spend some time with Marcsi, and talk our heads out on the many matters we have to talk about. (And probably get comfortably drunk of János Papa's pálinka ^_^)

Today we've got our services finally connected. Our broadband Internet, which comes in friendly wireless form too, so my adorable Kindle can be hooked to it at home, so I can download all the samples I want, at once!!! AT ONCE!!! That's like the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Were I THAT superstitious, I would say that it's a sign from God that the job that's coming for me would be far more awesome than what I initially would imagine it to be. But, let's not read signs into everything ^_^.

Ever since the IPTV came in, I haven't turned off the TV. It doesn't matter if I'm in the kitchen, or in the bathroom washing my awesome, brand new Benetton and NaraCamicie clothes (yes, I fell to temptation again, but the pieces are FABULOUS! and I finally have a lovely camel trenchcoat too!), or at the workroom writing letters to my friends. I'm finally able to enjoy the programs, and the MANY programs of all of my MANY channels either just by listening to them or by actually sitting before the TV and watching it. No more stupid programs I don't want to see, no more feeling like I've no choice, and it's either what's on TV or no TV.

The guy that came to install the services had also installed the service to other two homes in this same floor, and marvelled at how big our apartment is. I looked around and though I know it's not as small as my boyfriend thinks it is, it's not all that big either. The installer mentioned that the other two flats he worked on are sensibly smaller than ours. It seems also that their  installed services are also more reduced, as he was amazed to discover that we actually have the largest package available, plus an added pack (because I can't live without HBO, mind you). I still didn't like that the guy was too informal and thought it was very funny to try and flirt with me. And here I thought that the macho impulse was a bad habit proper of the Tropic. How wrong I was...

Other than that, though I haven't still sat down to pick up on my creative writing - even though I've a started novel and another in project - I do have finally found the inner peace and time I need to reply to my penpals. It's good, you know, to really be able to sit down calmly at the desk with a glass of coke or a tea and write to your friends, put on some music, let the TV go on in the background and lose yourself in the handwritten words and the world your friend and you create with some sheets of paper and pens curling into the most amazing shared thoughts.

I've time. For the first time in many, many years, I can feel it: I've time. And it feels good.

A Trip To A Loved Castle

The warmth is coming slowly still, and though I'm wearing a lighter jacket, I still wear more layers of clothes than I used to in Costa Rica. This still didn't keep me today at home - though I could have spent a day here picking up my recently ordered books (which take a bit more to arrive here than what would take Amazon.com to send me my books to Miami) - I decided to visit one of my old favorites: Empress Sissi's Gödöllő Royal Palace.

I didn't make much pictures, though I saw many, many beautiful things. The royal palace was marvelous as usual, but eerie as I was the only visitor, and the doors were closed, everything was so silent and even the cafeteria and the Gift shop were closed. It gave me the strange feeling of being a ghost in an ancient house, almost as if the Empress of her family, or anyone from her court could come running through the doors and though not see me, be scared by my presence there. The renovations have been going and teams of restaurators have been working hard on the palace, which was evident as I roamed the hallways and discovered new rooms open and more history to be shared.

This time around, I was deeply mesmerized by the trip itself. I took the HÉV, which is a kind of intercity train (something between a tramway and a train). From the window I watched the scenery slip away, run fast, and though my eye could catch the details, the lens of my camera couldn't. In this indecision dance Spring is making, I saw the forests I love so much - forest so different from what you seen in the tropical latitudes of the planet - still naked and ashen. Trees long and thin like the jeans clad legs of young girls stood up from a sickly pale soil that always shrinks my heart and make me painfully think about centuries of agriculture running the land anemic. Among those trees here and there some golden dry leaves drappes around the trunks looking much like gold flakes, such as the kind you find in some lesser wines.

The HÉV was too fast for my camera, but my eyes feasted on the floating golden flakes that brought a touch of patina, of Art Nouveau color to the endless lands of gray, think trunks and naked branches in wait for Persephone to step out of Hades and make the world merry and alive.

I carried to this trip a letter from my friend Trish, and read it evoking some of the most romantic notions of train traveling. Waring jeans and secluded from the world just with my music, staring out the window of a train and letting my thoughts linger, then breaking myself from the Sun setting mysterious and chilly behind the naked trees, filtering through a wire wrought branch lace and making the afternoon perfect, while my dark, chocolate eyes fall upon the envelop tucked in my bag, pull it out and allow myself to be absorbed by the world conjured by the letter of my friend.

Yes, life can be poetic, romantic and incredible, if we take the time to make it so.