Autosabotage

Once again I'm pulled towards the keyboar thanks to the case of a friend, and that case got me thinking. She works at this place that has become unsatisfying for her. She's been at the company for a long time and though in the begining it was nice, with time she has been noticing things that make her uncomfortable and others that are plain wrong. The idea of leaving the company has been out there for a while, but the current labor market situation didn't make it easy for her to leave. Then it happens that she got a job offer for a position that's perfect for her in another company, and she froze.

As she related her story, it was plain she was deeply dissatisfied, but then she was so scared about grabbing the chance that was being offered. At one point she said she felt bad for wanting to leave because the company paid her visum for Canada. So, though she was very dissatisfied with the company, and now had a way out with a job offer, she was having second thoughts because the company paid her visum for Canada, which she needed for her job, because otherwise she had no intentions to go to Canada.

I would like you all to take a moment to reflect on this, and also see how this situation can be carbon copied into just about any situation and any relationship in life.

Often we see ourselves in a situation where we are unhappy, we feel unappreciated, wronged, uncomfortable, hurt, abused, exploited, disrespected... and we want it to stop, we want to get out of it, but the moment we get the chance to do so we chicken out and pull from the deepest recess of  our memory a few flashes of good things or things that can pass for good. For instance, in my last relationship, the last two years I was deeply dissatisfied. I had decided I was going to break up with my boyfriend because I could no longer trust him and our lives and life philosophy went in striking different directions. And it took me two years to gather up the nerve and do it.

Through those two years I strategized, I planned and I kept giving him chances to redeem himself, which he didn't take. When finally I decided that enough is enough, I was stopped because I thought of my nephews, my parents  and my brother because they really,, really love him. Like... they just love him like crazy. How could I take him away from them? But it was time to move on, and it was done.

This behavior, this pushing obstacles in our own road, and play the devil's advocate against ourselves is autosabotage. Because one thing is to think things through - and I advocate for that - but another is to start pulling out little specks of goodness to make you stay in a bad situation. Truth is that these memories of the positive moments won't curb the experience. And abusive job won't turn better because you are reminded of the visum they gave you. A partner you can't stand won't magically become amazing again just because your family loves him. Your abusive parents won't get more bearable because they laughed at the picnic you had when you were five years old.

Remember that the memories - good or bad - will stay with you, but if you want a chance, you have to make it. It's your life and your decision. Nobody else's. Remember also that complaining has never solved anything.