Oct 12, 2010

Children Question

In a glop of inspiration, I found myself yesterday thinking about a couple if really awesome topics for posts for today or whenever. Didn't pick up my laptop, though, slamming my ideas quickly on the digital plane, but instead played them around in my head, letting them grow, swell and find a path of their own.

One of the topics I was concerned with, was the child-question. A comment issued to me recently again, about how can I be so mean as to refuse my boyfriend the joy of having a kid with the one he loves, and how I'm going to be to become a lonely, bitter old lady with no one to take care of me.  Well, I wasn't personally aware of the fact that my body isn't mine but my boyfriend's and thus my womb must be put at the service of his desire to have children, rather than respecting my decision to not have any. Besides, he can perfectly well have all the kids he wants with any other woman he wants, and I don't even require him to break up with me. Then again, I'm this open minded deviant who honestly believe that love is unique to each person, that jealousy has nothing to do with love, but understanding that no person is God, therefore no person can be everything for someone else, which lead us to conclude that real love is the capability to be happy your other half is happy and actively seeks the way for him or herself to be happy, while he or she is happy you also seek your happiness actively.

The end thought, the final destilation of this thought this time around, leaked down another branch of the thought. Children are not pets, company, an insurance for your elderly days, your servants or future caretakers, or a token, a milestone in your life without which you can't evolve to the next level. Sadly I realize that parents often don't get children, don't understand them, perhaps because they forget they are someone else's children too. Fact is that children are the one people with whom you must develop your most serious relationship. That's really a lifelong relationship where the parent figure must be mature, adult enough to understand that the child person will be first entirely dependant on him or her. The child person will require the parent person to show him or her the ropes. Teach the child person the language, social skills, ensure education, food and shelter, teach him or her through the years about values, principles, ethics, morals, good and bad, generosity, kindness, trust. Teach him or her to be alert, to avoid danger, to stand up for his or her believes. And then, the parent person must also be mature enough and prepared enough to let go of the child person, when the child person is adult.

The parent person do not own the child person, and the parent person has given to the child person according to his or her responsability, for bringing the child person to life. The child person owns the parent person nothing, more than what his or her soul dictates, because after all you can't be in debt for something you have not asked for.

Are those parents out there, those you throw stones at the childfree, aware of this? Or for them breeding new people into this word is their way to prove their worth, absolutely regardless of the imprints they leave in the children-people?

The other topic was about women, fashion and how at every fashion show the gay designer - someone with evidently no interest in women, other than friend and model - always tells us that he made the collection thinking of the "modern woman who knows what she wants". But this topic, perhaps, I'll reserve for tomorrow.


Dragonfly said...

Bueno amiga, es una gran buena decisión, pero mientras las dos partes estén de acuerdo, no hay nada más que decir.


Storm Bunny said...

Verás, en este tema no creo que el "tener o no tener hijos" sea una decisión de pareja, sino una decisión personal. Si vos querés tener hijos, pero tu pareja no, entonces no es cuestión de conversarlo y hacer un pleito si ambos se mantienen firmes en su posición.

Tener o no tener hijos es algo tan personal como tu religión, tu profesión, tu trabajo. O es acaso que si vos quieres trabajar, pero tu pareja no quiere que trabajes, la decisión se vuelve una decisión de pareja?

Como educar a los hijos sí es una decisión de pareja, pero lo que pasa con el cuerpo de cada uno, con los deseos de cada uno, con lo propio, es algo que atañe únicamente al individuo. Esa es mi posición.