Nov 24, 2010

Where Is The Love?

Recently - or not, I don't really remember, nor I care enough to reseach this particular matter - the topic of "love" and "relationship" has been cursing around enough in various forms and ways, usually thrown in my direction in a sort of distorted, deviated concept, where both "love" and "relationship" are one and the same thing. Naturally they are not, but the collective mind, though rationally accepting this, do not aknowledge it in general. Lets not get here in the even more twisted concept threesome melange of love-relationship-sex,  or the foursome-of-doom love-sex-relationship-having babies where all of them represent exactly the same thing.

While growing up, one is often exposed with a repetitive message from society, that tells you that the "natural order of life" is to be born, grow up, marry, have kids and die. Certain variations happen between the message sent to boys, where the tale goes like "grow up, get a good job, marry, have kids and live happily ever after", and that sent to girls where the "good job" part goes missing. In a rather primitive way, women are still ushered into marriage and having kids as their only acceptable way to secure their future. Professional, working women often don't escape from this as they are measured not for their professional success, but for the success of their boyfriend or husband.

Within different circles of life, the environment exercises pressure upon all member to follow "The Plan". Being single isn't all that accepted, particularly not for able-womb-females, thus the teasing, the searching, the pushing for A and B to get together. The comments about someone "has no love in his/her life", or someone, after spending a lot of time single being "wanted by nobody", not to mention the ill gossip about how this or that person being seriously damaged because she or he has spent so much time single or with no known lover.

Naturally pressure don't leave when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend on your side  - preferably of a gender different than yours. Once you've given into the pressure, proving pliable, you are pressed into marrying to prove you are not a failure, this time worse than a "old maiden", a "slut" who's picked up only for fun. If you manage to marry, pressure builts for you to give the world a child, or you are broken, barren, a failure as human. If you give a child, you will be pressed for more, until your womb dries up and you then will be labeled as "old, worn".

Society, needs to apply this pressure, otherwise it would hardly multiply and survive. Society needs a constant flow of new, able bodied humans to keep on carrying. It can accept interracial unions, gay unions, equal rights for women (sort of), but it cannot, under any circumstance, accept non reproducing humans. It's not about love - though love (almost a myth now) serves as an excelent excuse to push people into the foursome-of-doom to make them produce more humans.

This pressure has bred a particular type of people who love relationships. In a way, such a phenomenon is a strange thing, it's like standing in line before Macy's on Black Friday because you love to stand in a queue. There where the relationship should be about the people in it, the concept of it, the idea of it, has lifted the relationship from the people to place it in a different light, different position, turning iot into an object of cult where the people in it are entirely interascendental, simple actors, support elements for something far more important than them.

People often talk about their dream to marry one day, but marry to whom? They dream about their wedding, but then again, a wedding to marry with whom? It's almost as if the person they are with is a mere convenience, someone that heppened to be there at the right moment in the right place.  I've heard people say that they love to be married, and if they get to divorce, they would marry again. People also that have been dating for years, that haven't been without a boyfriend or girlfriend since they were 12, and can't live without one.

Interestingly, though, for those of us who prefer the person over the relationship, those of us who don't care for the formalities and forms of a relationship, who don't look for a name to give to what's going on with somone else, don't hang expectations on it, don't give the whole deal an expiration date, but rather enjoy the person we feel for - whatever we feel - and settle ourselves with being happy, we are the deviant, the immature, the twisted. the environment around us tells us and everybody willing to listen, that you can't love if you are not in a relationship, you can't just love a person - or many - because love only happens within a relationship. Sure, you can be in a relationship, hating your "significant other", but "loving love" (have never heard bigger bullshit than that), but can't refuse a relationship while claiming to love the person you refuse the relationship with. "If you love me, you'll marry me", "If you don't marry me, you don't love me enough".

Truth is that the world around us, the world socially correct people create around us, is set up for the doom of people. Of course, sacrifice is sold as "prove of love", and the aprehension towards accepting pain and suffering is quickly labeled as "selfishness" and "inability to love", covering all bases but one: true happiness. As people, honest - or at least sincere - the fight should be brought in many fronts, not only to allow our gay brothers and sisters the same rights we straights have, but also to allow, not in the bosom of the law, but in the core of society, to - if not accept, at least leave alone -  those of us, who wish not to be labeled, who want to love freely, carve our own paths in every area of our lives. Don't lable us freaks because we don't get jealous if we catch our mate with someone else, because we find polygamy natural, because we worship loneliness and advocate for friends who remain friend even if they decide to throw in a fuck whenever it feels like it. Don't lable us because we dare what you don't: we experiment.

Don't say we use people because we kiss and leave, because we fuck and don't give an engagement ring and a live sentence in exchange. We love people, we don't use them. Those who get into a relationship with anyone willing, those who don't care for the person, but the ring, the set of rules, the anniversaries, birthdays, St. Valentines and vacations together, those use them. Those trade them as meat.

My position remains, my believes stay strong:
Love, Live and Be Free.

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