Happy Holidays!

The end of the year is already a week and a month away. Those who celebrate Advent light today the first light in their Advent Wreath, but also there are other customs and celebrations being displayed. The stores that have been displaying Christmas decoration since August or at least October, push it harder as customers fill their aisles and many temporal helpers and salespeople are hired to face the flood of people spending their hard earned money on things they don't need, and plenty of presents, often for people they don't even like but feel pressed to buy something for.

However, thing is that this time of the year isn't only about Christmas and the Christian celebrations, as it happens that Hanukka is also around these days for the Jewish Faith, and Pagans celebrate Yule. There might be other holidays too - Islam celebrates around these days the Ashura, which isn't a particularly happy holiday - and so for those who are not Christian the overpowering Christmas mood, and the overstated "Merry Christmas" wishing can - after a while - become somewhat offending. Also, there are people with a very aggressive religious stance who get offended if someone wish them anything different than Merry Christmas, or even if they hear other people wishing anything different.

Logically speaking, it's irrational to act like that, but I believe all of us will agree that extremist or fundamentalist people can't be labeled as "rational". I wouldn't mind if a small group of close minded jackasses mumble and frown for themselves if they hear people wishing each other Happy Hanukkah, except that the whole thing is becoming a sort of passive-aggresive bullying, with little space or respect for other religions. Depending on the official religion of a country, or what the accepted majority professes are religion, basically that's the only holiday decoration and motives we can find, unless of course, we go to specialized stores where you can - I don't know - find Yule decoration.

Perhaps we are still far away from the day when all stores will give equal chances to all religions and all holidays, but we shouldn't be so far away from being tolerant and accepting the faith of those around us. Wishing each of us according to our holiday and our faith, or simply "Happy Holidays" can be the first step towards a better understanding.

Thing is that it doesn't make you less in your faith to recognize and accept people of other faiths, nor is your faith so weak - if it is a true faith - to be broken if you partake in the celebration of those whose faith is different than yours. So what do you say? Shall we receive these Holidays in our faith with the determination to open up to others and accept them in their own faith?

A Question of Bra

If you watch those shows about taking some woman who has a poor dressing style and "teaching" her how to dress fashionably and in style, often the most important remark is "choose the underwear that's right for you". This "underwear question" is often directed to the bra, and not as much to the knickers, probably because there's more form fitting in bras than in culottes (or maybe because boobs tend to sag more than buttocks... or Hyne knows...), and either way, with today's tiny thongs what support and molding would it do?

Now the bra question in itself isn't as simple as you would think. It's not like a pair of knickers where you can wear anything size ... M, just to give you an example, but first of all you have to know your size. In theory to do this you must take two measurements:

1. First you measure yourself right under the line of the breast and around your back. (Around where the bra would go.) I'll assume we all use the inch measurement for bras here. (So conversion need to be done in Europe and anywhere where bras don't start at 31, but at 70.) So, you take that measurement and if the number is even you add 4 to it, and if it's odd you add 5. For instance, you are 28 inches around and under the breast. 28+4=32. Also, if you are 31 inches around, you are 31+5=36.

2. Then you measure again around, but this time there where your breast if the fullest. This is usually at the height of the nipples.  Here you take the difference between the first number (with the 4 or the 5 already added!) - known as bra band number - and this number, and so you get your cup size. One inch difference makes you an A, two a B, three a C, four a D and so on.

(More on measurements here.)

However if you've been bra hunting, you know that all that's nice and good, but the world doesn't work like that. Oh no, it doesn't. You can know by measurements that you ARE a 32C, and when you get to the store there's not one freaking 32 C willing to fit you, and instead you end up walking home with a 36B or a 31D or any other oddity. The style, the stitching, the fitting and even the advise from some salesgirls who actually urge you to just "fit them into the cup" isn't much of the help you need either. Not much people tell you either that the cup should hold the WHOLE breast, and that means that the cup should reach quite close to the armpit, otherwise it's uncomfortable, it can look bad (like you have more than two breasts, or like you are fatty, which you are not), not to mention the pain and other unpleasant things that it can  do for you. (I've heard it can provoke all sorts of lumps in your breasts, but I've not hard evidence on this.) So that "grab them and fit them into it" isn't really a smart thing to do.

Bras should go when they are stretched out, have lost their shape or are no longer the right size for you. If you are a flat chested chick like me, you can manage to use sport bras or little fitting tops or even go around comando, but if you are a bit more "generous" neither of these is really an option. (Many flat chested women are already used to this fact and don't mind it, so a sport's bra that usually flattens you even more isn't much of a problem.) Either case, the time might come when you need a more "dressing bra", something a bit more structured, that not only keeps your breasts in place and safe from unpleasant jiggling, but also something that gives you a better shape and allows you to fill your blouses and dresses in a more flattering way. This day is when The Hunt starts.

Unlike with the easy tops and sports bras you can get at your local drugstore or supermarket - often using a simple measure system as S-M-L - the shopping for a real bra undertakes a whole quest that starts at specialized stores, lingerie stores and similars. Here, from the wide arrange of options that go from half cup, full cup, sexy, support oriented and Hyne knows what other options (mainly you go there and see those that go from whore-like sexy to nun-like orthopedic), you must or should have an idea of what you want to get. It's important for all girls and women to remember that the bra is for you, so either you pick the whore or the nun bra, that shouldn't be influenced by your marital status, but only by what you want to wear and what are you comfortable with. Recently I was bra hunting and one of the bras I tried on was a "push-up and show" kind that basically grabbed my small boobies and smashed them together in front of my chest and pulled them up. I bet it's sexy for many and I looked like I had HUGE boobs, but I wasn't comfortable with it. They were unnaturally pulled to the center pointing forward like Aphrodite from Mazinger Z. Probably a dozen women would kill for a bra like that, but I'm not one of them. Some like their breasts to touch and form a line between them, others don't. Some want something pretty to show off with blouses and dresses with clivage, and others want something that fits well a shirt and gives structure to a costume. And so you must put on your comfortable shoes, wear pants or skirt and a comfy blouse or shirt easy to take off and put on, and get lots and lots of patience.

Unless you have a favorite, secret little store that always get you what you desire, The Hunt implies visiting an endless number of stores, trying an even bigger amount of bras in order to find the one or the few ones that are going to fit your needs. Trying on several bras and walk out of the store with none of them is not unheard of, but also it may happen that you visit store after store and you simply don't see a thing that would appeal to you. Or there's also the case when you find something that looks pretty, you would really love it and when you try it out it stands weird on you. This can be one of the worse cases, particularly if you've been already hunting for a good bra for weeks. (This is also why guys have to be so tremendously careful when buying us underwear. It might look like something you would looooove to see on us - only to take it off later, of course - but then it happens that we would like to wear it and the pretty little sexy thing fits us oddly. So, you can buy us underwear, just make sure you can return it and change it in case of need.)

As noted earlier, recently I was on a bra hunt, and to add to all the difficulties proper of this task, I found yet another one: many stores don't work all sizes. And I'm not talking here of the bigger sizes (over D) or smaller sizes (under B), I'm talking about many regular sizes. In this recent hunt I found out that many stores have huge stocks of B cup sized bras with lots of band sizes. Now, you can be a 32C, that the salesgirls will try to talk you into a 34B or 36B. Sure, a B will make you look bigger because your breast won't fit into a smaller cup, so it will swell up all over the place, from the top, from the sides and you'll look like you've overgrown your bra, but in my eyes that doesn't make you look bigger, it makes you look deformed. Smaller cups actually flatten even more your bra and give you that unsightly multi-breasted look you really don't want to have. Or, you'll look fat and flat chested. (Bras supported with wires have the tendency to mark your breast making it look like your breast is only what fits the cup, and the rest is fat.) So, in addition to everything you've already gone through you've also have to start by FINDING your size at the store, and then hopefully find it in the type of bra you want to wear.

Yes, a good bra can make the difference. It can actually make you look slimmer, more proportionated, mark better your waist or even make it look smaller, it can make your clothes look like they were tailored specifically for you, it can make you look groomed and perfect... or it can make you look fat, deformed and tacky. It can make you look like one of the boys or like a goddess, so yes, when the time is right and you feel like it's time to get that bra, and commit to the hunt, you will eventually get That Bra (and you know what I'm talking about. It's the Perfect Bra, the Sexy Bra, the Woman Bra, the Hmmmm Bra), but aside from that, aside from making you look the way you want, it gets more meaning for you, because of - yes - the hunt and the dedication you've put into finding it.

When Life is Rich

There seems to be an idea rolling around among people, that childhood is an extremely happy and sensitive period in one's life, when we still believe in everything, we still believe that everything in the world is possible and fairy tales are an active part of our reality. Then, as we grow up there's nothing but a collection of deceptions and disappointments, facing a dull outlook of life, which has no magic, no wonder, no happiness, no amazement, only duties, bills and troublesome work environments. We are being constantly bombed with this message, about how happy children are, and how wonderful would it be if we could once again walk on the face of the world in wonder. It was particularly disappointing to find such a notation in a book I was recently reading (as a matter of fact, a sample of a book I've downloaded on my Kindle, which I doubt I'll even buy now) as part of this loose little project I have about the series on Religion. Coming from a book about Wicca, I honestly expected a bit more of seriousness, and not what seems to me is an invitation to yearn for the days when we were all ignorant and gullible. The author particularly used the word "rich" to describe the life of children in comparison of that of adults. Honestly, what sort of projection is that? Pushing forward the idea that life goes from good to bad, and that the older we become the duller and darker our life turns? And magic should be about trying to run back to that state of "believe" where believe is to let behind logic and reason and trust like a child in the words of the amazement?

These words are particularly dangerous if they come into the hands of adults who are still gullible, particularly because I believe that adulthood isn't equal to dullness or a life lacking of luster and shine. Perhaps my childhood wasn't a usual one, but for instance I feel I keep the same wonderment, and still believe in pretty much the same things, only now, as a grown woman, I can reach where as I child I couldn't. My scope goes beyond the books my folks keep in their library (which as it is typical of any Hungarian family, isn't a small library), and I've the freedom now to explore far beyond. As a grown woman I've access to other wonderments back then I couldn't even phantom, and add to it, the knowledge I've gathered and continue to gather has allowed me to find bridges among the daily and the exceptional, where "mundane" is the word that would designate the wonders of everyday life, in contrast with other wonders that appear much less periodically.

The main difference between life as a child and life as an adult, is the amount of consequences from your previous actions and decisions you shall live with. Is life richer when you are more dependant on others and can pin your misfortune on your parents, family or guardians? Does it become more dull when you must realize that you are where you are because of the choices you made? As a child, if you live in a poor hut, that's because your folks are poor and can't afford anything else. If as an adult you live in a poor hut, it's because you haven't done what it takes to make it different. As kids we have a potential, as adults we live out of what we've done with that potential.

Magic, ki, prana, energy, life force, God's will... it's a wonderful, powerful, fabulous thing, but it's not something to be attained by denying any part of our lives, or a matter to erase it. Childhood is a phase, and adulthood is another, and whichever is more wonderful depends entirely of what you do with them.

Driving in Costa Rica

Some months ago the Ministry of Public Developments and Transport (MOPT by its initials in Spanish - I used the word "development" to translate the word "obras" which would encompass public road infrastructure development) put in work a few cameras to watch the traffic and fine drivers who drove too fast. The cameras were installed quite ahead of time, and were extensively tested, and then they explained on several media that these cameras would take measure the speed at which the cars drove and issue tickets for those who exceeded the speed limit. People complained some, but then, when the cameras came to work and the first tickets were issued people went in a frenzy claiming all sort of unfair procedures and treatments, from which a "model" claimed that she shouldn't be fined because she works only at nights, doesn't watch TV, wasn't aware of the news, at that hour there were no cars on the road, so she was entitled to drive at +100 kmph on a 60kmph road, and 12 tickets in a week was unseen and she had no money to pay the tickets. Others complained that the amount of the fines wasn't proportional to the average income, and with such amount only the rich could afford a speeding ticket! A lawyer actually had the nerve to claim that the tickets were illegal because they were based on the plate of the car, so you wouldn't know who was driving.

Initially the MOPT held its position, though this was quickly eroding as it was made evident that the only tickets issued were for those who surpassed the speed limit by 20 kmph. (In other words, if you were driving at 80 kmph on a road allowing 60 kmph you are okay, BUT if you drive at 90 kmph on a 60 kmph road you've got yourself a ticket.) The complains continued showering, and people made huge lines to complain in an effort to get their tickets revoked, all of them with arguments that held no water. I mean, if you lend your car to someone - be it friend or family, coworker or someone who lends it from you for money - you are still responsible for your vehicle, and you shall face the damage done with your car. It should be up to you to arrange the matters with whomever was driving your car, not a matter for the Ministry to sort and solve. Then, regulations and laws are made to be kept. So, if there's a sign that says "MAXIMUM SPEED LIMIT 60 KMPH" it means that you are not allowed to go at any speed over that speed. However the Government wa lenient in that and sensing their weakness a population used to breaking traffic laws and invent their own pushed until recently the Ministry danced back and promised to check on the project of the cameras again.

Currently there's a regulation that seeks to reduce traffic at the Capital City, which bans certain plates from entering the Capital City on certain week days. The complaints shower tremendously on this measure, and only a small group of drivers keep it (me among them), with the vast majority still driving their cars on their restriction day, looking for escape routes and alternative alleys when they see a traffic officer. What would have happened if the camera system would have also checked on the plates and issued tickets for the cars that were caught driving on restriction days?

Some smarty-pants talked on the media about the whole system indicating that the new fines in Costa Rica were so disproportionate the same fine was cheaper in Europe (a 5 minute research proved them wrong, yet they still hold their stand), but also complained that it was irrational to demand you to drive at 60 kmph on roads that allowed higher speeds with modern cars that can go faster, claiming that driving at 80 kmph already created a traffic jam, so slow that speed was. This last arguments holds no water either, as I've personally proved that driving at speeds consistently between 40 kmph and 60 kmph allows a nice, fluent traffic and no, people don't honk at you and insult you for going at that speed. However these sort of shameless public declarations sadly put in evidence an undeniable fact about Costa Ricans: they don't know who to drive.

From the habit of paying off the instructors to get the License, to the idea that stunts and hazardous driving are part of good driving, to the idea that fines shall be affordable, it doesn show the need for tough measures, shows that high fines that can't be afforded are in need to keep people from considering breaking the law as their unallienable right, and constant camera surveilance on the roads to keep the Captain Americas fo the road from thinking they have any piece of asphalt at their mercy. Changing lines regardless of the cars behind on the same line, speeding up to cut through two or more lines, rushing into incoming traffic, disrespecting red lights, rushing through yellow lights, getting into the other line with vehicles coming just to pass another car, passing at full speed on the right side... next to a cliff, passing traffic using the shoulder of the route... these are more are among the bravados considered "skills of good driving" and here I haven't even mentioned the crass mistakes like phoning or texting while driving, eating AND texting while driving (that's right! Driving with no hands on the wheel, no eyes on the road), or driving ahead while looking back to attend a child on the backseat.

Yes, 60 kmph on metropolitan roads must be enough. There's no reason to claim the right to rush +100 kmph in a 10 km route that goes in front of a hospital and it's marked over 3 times with signs indicating you that the speed limit is set at 60 kmph, and yet drivers do and are upset when fined for driving at speeds over 80 kmph.

The picture I added to this posts was taken from this site ESTIMATED ROAD TRAFFIC FATAL INJURY DEATH RATE, which you can check to discover a few interesting fact, among them how the countries that some of the "experts" quoted as having "cheaper fines" have half or even a third on fatal traffic accidents per 100K people than Costa Rica, or for instance how Costa Rica has the highest rate of fatal traffic accidents per 100K people in the Continental Central America. (Mexico isn't part of Central America, is part of North America.)

Tough measures are needed, but also a Government with brass balls and iron fist to draft them, pass them, execute them and tell the complainers to fuck it.

Step Up or Suffer It Silently

In the recent days a coworker of mine made a comment abouth another coworker, on the very same line she has done it basically since I know her, that got me thinking again why can't she grow some balls and do something about that. If you recall, I've mentioned before that we have a coworker with a peculiar predilection for leeching upon others, in several ways, from what I've gathered from quite a wide arrange of acquintances. On the personal level, he leeches the most on this coworker of us. For over eight years now he relies on her to get to the office and then back home. Giving rides to coworkers you live nearby and have no car or their vehicle is at the workshop isn't something strange, as many do it. Then, when the carpooling or riding becomes extensive, it is customary for the one getting the ride to offer pinching into the gas for the car, which can be either rejected or accepted by the driver. Normally one would think that there's a sort of friendship between the driver and the rider, when the rides are frequent, so one would assume that she and her freeloader are friends, and thus they act, but through her comments when he's not around or out of the hearshot, say otherwise.

At the begining of the week, the freerider was out of the office and soon she noted how early she arrived at the office, and how that showed that she was getting late on regular basis due to him. Soon she was also complaining that he hasn't given her a dime for gas in the past three weeks, and then today, after she mentioned it, he gave her a US$10. At this point I'm honestly taken aback, as it is unpolite from her to expect a compensation for doing a favor, specially after she has previously stated that she never mentioned anything openly about asking him for money for the rides. I mean, is it a service she shall collect for or is it a favor? Scandalized she noted how she uses to go to her Mother's place from the office to pick up her son (and he rides with her, nontheless), and if her mom invites her for a coffee, he actually complains that he had to wait for her in the car. Add to it, he whines half her lunch every day and got to demand half her breakfast as well, when she went to pick one at the canteen. I know the guy, and ever since he realized I've been driving to the office, he has tried to get me to give him a ride to the office and back on the days our coworkers doesn't come. Aside from two perfunctory courtesy rides (one on each way) - both of which I offered him - I've dodged every other request from his side. (It did upset me once when he carelessly slammed the door without noticing the safety belt got caught and then forced it closed, while it was impossible due to the caught belt buckle. when realizing the mistake, didn't even apologize.)

I know the sort of social leech he is,a s I've encountered many of his kind. People like him care not for the discomfort they provoke, purposefully ignore the indirect requests to stop, but use the same indirect manipulating techniques to continue milking their prey. I've stopped him in his tracks, giving back only for the seldom favors in rides he has given me in the past, but stoopping there, cutting it before it starts, as he actually waits nothing to impose on you, considering one favor as an invitation to regularly get it from the giver. I'm certainly not the only one, as another coworker replaced his car for a motorbike to keep him from asking rides on daily basis to the office.

On top of all that he makes a laughing stock for the office as he brags about his alleged businesses, his three cars, his big house, his alleged skills for commerce and his undying desire to give up his work and dedicate to his own company.

Either way, laughing stock or not, thing is that he's a lazy leech that would not shame away from begging and whining whatever he needs from others instead of manning up and doing it himself or relying only on his own resources. But that's his problem. The coworker's problem is her utter inability to stop him from taking advantage of her. Childish antics, bitching and bickering to others about what an inssuferable s.o.b. he is won't make him go away. Yes, she should woman-up, stand up to him if his attitude and his leeching upsets her as much as she says it does, and tell him clearly: "I've got enough". But, as cunning and witty as she likes to present herself, she's actually yellow backed, unable to stand up for herself. Sure, she let him get this far, and this far getting him off her hair will be a real struggle, but it's not impossible, and certainly more pleasing than her telling us mockingly how he dared to tell her he was making him a service by taking a ride on her car, for that way he protected her by simply being in her car.

As I look over to my coworkers I wonder about the other things in our lives we don't like but which we don't dodge and look for alternative ways to shake off us, out of a sense of politeness present only in us, and not in the other party. Some are really difficult to shake off and we must endure them (like out thesis tutor - we didn't confront him, but we worked around and we prevailed), but others are simply a matter of social muscle and social courage. Sometimes you shouldn't be affraid of appearing unpolite or rude in order to defend yourself or avoiding being taken advantage of. Think of this: if the other party is so blatantly ignoring social convention, why should you observe it?

As a final advise for cases when you want dump a leech or an uncomfortable freerider, remember it is polite to either tell the person you are no longer able to perform that service. That simple. "I must tell you I can't no longer give you a ride/help you with your job/babysit for you/do your errands/lend you money/give you my food". No explanations, just say in an even, calm voice that you can't do that any more. Yes, you'll probably be requested to offer explanations as to why, but REMEMBER you don't need to give them. It's actually unpolite to request or demand for explanations for refusing a favor. Insistence can always be batted away with "I've personal reasons (and I would appreciate you would respect them)". Further poking can be dodged with "I would really appreciate if you would not pursue with these questions. I believe this concerns only me". (In other words, turn the tables, and indirectly point out at how unpolite, rude they are for not respecting you and how such a thing makes you unhappy, for you never expected them to disrespect you in such a fashion while asking for a favor.)

So, remember, a favor is always voluntary and you can stop any time you feel like it.

Deep Consideration

Though I need the income my job provides me, and I love my boss very much (he ranks 2nd, nose-to-nose with the best boss of all times I have ever had), certain things make me consider quitting as soon as possible. One of those is poor, poor, POOR! redaction skills. I'm tired of the looping message in my head that says "This person should die and come back as what it's thinking skills belong: a mushroom", however when struggling my way through extensive poorly written crap, I'm growing worried that so much disconnected, irrational, no-sense-making shit might affect my own thinking and logical skills. What if this typing-with-no-idea-whatsoever-you-are-writing, maybe even the dreaded copy-and-paste-to-make-volume-no-one-reads-anyway style is contagious? What if after so much exposure my own rationalizing and logical-thinking capabilities get handycapped? What's better "employed but brain dead" or "unemployed but thought capable"? I'm strongly leaning towards the option #2.

Good Friend, Bad Friend

The Raja-Yoga chat of Saturday has stayed longer with me, coming back time and again about happiness, inner peace and the influences we let to get to us. In this chat one of the attendants made a question basically going on the line of 'what should one do when someone close to us is in a well of unhappiness, sinking lower and you can't do anything about it?'. The answer from the yogini was 'why is it your business?'. Thinking of my own situation, the answer came switfly to my mind 'because I care and I love them', but the answer of the yogini was much more simple, and could be summarized the following way 'you can't realize the inner self of them, nor can you pull them out if they don't pull themselves out'. This was a realization that hit me flat on the face, since though I'm quite individualistic and mind my own business, there are situations where I follow a care-code where I take to my heart the matters of other people.

Thinking about this matter, I was wondering about my role as friend. It's clear that the commonplaces and two-cent psichology lines of forwarded e-mails and text messages don't apply. That gooey, dripping sweet concept of "friends forever" and "BFF", "friends always support each other no matter what" and so on don't really apply. Or should it? Shall friends always be together and always support each other no matter what, and be in touch constantly, and depend on each other? If so, I guess I'd be better off without friends.

What make friends friends I don't really know, it seems to just spark up, happen, but how it is kept, that's the real deal! However, does this mean that you must nearly get into the other person's life or let yourself be sucked into the other person's life and become more than a confident, an agent of life? Does this mean you must not contradict your friends or you shall take to your heart if your friend thinks differently from you? If one applies the teachings of the Raja Yoga, within a friendship you must seek to be happy yourself, perhaps point out to your friend your perceptions of what can't help them to be happy, but you don't need to involve yourself and shoulder up the worries of your friend as if those were yours as well. This comes in clear contradiction with the friendship code some enforce where you are expected to care even when you don't, or you rather not put yourself in an uncomfortable position.

Friendship, like any relationship, requires first and foremost of a healthy dose of honesty, or shall we rather say sincerity. There's no real need to tell constantly the truth, as people are naturally unable to do so, as it happens that some truths are hard to tell or very intimate, need time or whatever, but aside from these, there is a need of truth in order to build it on a solid, real base. But aside from this sincerity, from which naturally comes to give what you feel like giving and accepting honestly what your friends feel like giving, what else could be needed?

So, if you are responsible of your own happiness, and you must allow your friends to find themselves and be responsible of their own happiness, what makes a good friend of a bad friend? Or there's not such a thing as "good friend" or "bad friend", just either friend or no friend?

The chat made me realize that really, though I can care for my friends, and maybe I can't avoid worriyng for those I love, it's not my place to interfere in their lives, not let them place me in a situation where I interfere in their lives. It is not my role as friend to be a yes-woman to them, nor to nag them to take this or that decision. It's a very delicate balance between how much you tell them, how much you help them and how much you must hold back yourself and give them the space they need to find themselves, exercise themselves and evolve towards their inner self and their natural hability to be perfectly happy.

To Aileen

Hi Aileen!

Sorry I have not replied to you, but I've this stupid page blocking thing at the office, and lately I get home to do something other than getting on the net. Got your messages, but so far haven't gotten your letter. :-( But worry not, this is Costa Rica, and the Postal Service is really poor. I'll go this week to check up on them and threaten them some, to let go of your letter. Question, if you sent me a letter, does it mean you've got mine? Hope you did. ^_^

Thanks for the messages and thanks ahead for the letter! :-)

Love You!