Dec 10, 2013

Intense Envy and Hatred of Empathy

Everybody hits rough patches. Really. Some people have more rough patches along their way, or rougher ones, or ones that extend quite a lot, but in whatever measure they appear, everybody has them. Throuogh the life of a person, also these patches come in an array of shapes, sizes and frequencies. So what do we do with them? Well, we see through them. It's kinda like the basic Human 101: Take the Hardships and Deal With Them. And how do we deal with them? Well, two ways are to Solve them, or Lay Low and Wait For Them To Pass. Problems with a friend, you Solve, war breaking out in your country, you lay low and wait for them to pass (kind of). But you get the drill, right? Now, you would think that this simple rule is of common knowledge to all of mankind, but you would be surprised at howmany people seems to not have gotten "the memo". Those people act as if in the face of a rough patch, be it the Crisis in Europe or a zip in their face can only be solved through making it someone else's problem, or at least by creating problems around.

Googled Picture. Not Mine.
Someone feels bad because the company they work at seems like in the verge of bankrupcy. What do they do? Quickly! Find someone with job or a small company and trash them! Do that keep them from becoming unemployed? No. Then what was the purpose of it? Oh, just to make someone feel crappier than they do. Hn, curious, because rational people would say "Well, not only are you to become unemployed, but a) you just made yourself a worse person and b) may have lost a chance at being recommended at the place where that person works for a job". Then there's someone who's in a really crappy relationship, or simply has been "looking for love" and haven't been able to find any (wonder why?). Then they meet this new coworker, or this nice friend of a friend, or someone at a hobby gathering, and this person is so nice and so happy and lovable and has been in a very good relationship or is currently single but doesn't mind it because thsi person has a full life, with friends that love them and all. And what the Bitter Bug does? Rushes to say something nasty like "So many years together? Yeah, he/she must be cheating on you", or "That old and alone? Something must be wrong with you then".

When it happens it often takes us by surprise, as well as many other tiny little sparks of passive aggressive behavior, such as when you are suddenly made the butt of every joke, but when you joke back the reply is something in the line of "That was rude" - and I'm talking here about jokes in pretty much the same line, worse when you actually reuse one of the very jokes they have used against you or against each other! Yes, yes, yes, I know it rings a bell - or the (and this one has actually happened to me!) time when you are supposed to go to a lunch with them and then they happen to "forget" because they "thought you were going to eat with your friend". (Word of advise? Do try to look a bit hurt and don't reply with "Oh, it's okay! Actually better, because I really wanted to read my book undisturbed". Trust me, sounds like a nice comeback, but then the office-war goes worse.) However, after a moment, once the surprise for the attitude has passed one thing we must always remember is that this sort of behavior is often prompted by envy. Yep, envy.

People hurting you are often people who resent the fact that you are something they want to be, or you have something they crave. They will look forward to hurt you because they might perceive you as more successful than they are. They will hurt you because you seem happier than they are. Often also, they will try and diminish you because you are not struggling for the same goals they do, and yet you seem satisfied with your life and even happy! You are happy even without being a boss and you have no intention in being a boss. They must crush you. You are happy and don't seem preocuppied for getting married or having kids, and they are unhappy after rushing into marriage and dealing with children that give them more headaches than anything. They must destroy you. You go on happily eating carbs and whatever fancy thing catches your eye and enjoy it, while they try all sorts of restrictive diets and still stay fat. They must nuke you out of the planet.

We must understand something: when someone hurt you or insult you like this, they are actually telling you what they think about themselves. They know their jokes are out of place and born from ill feelings. They want your life, they are unhappy with theirs. The question still remains: why don't they look forward to tackle these things? Solve what can be solved? Well, that still remains a mystery. But meanwhile, if I may suggest something, you smile and picture in your head a little rag doll with their shape... and fill it with pins!

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