Jun 19, 2015

Reclaiming Freedom

Freedom, now that I enjoy it again, is so big around me! It's endless and suddenly I want to go wild and dive into all of it! Maybe I wasn't shackled before, but I often did feel that way. Little freedoms I wanted, I craved and yet I passed on because of a commitment I made, a requierment I didn't believe in, but which was expected from me - in an outspoken way - in order to make something else. Well, every sort of contract or community requieres members to fulfill requirements, so naturally, believing in the project, I gave up freedoms that may not be essential for my daily life, but which have always made me feel powerful. The restrain to that power, the cutting off of that freedom - though I voluntarily put a halt to it - made me resentful every time.

There was no happiness in saying "I resisted that", but rather always bile and anger and desire to hurt along with the thought "I'll murder you because of your insecurity I had to turn that down". It was never a pleasant feeling, it was never something that made me feel good in any way. Yes, I can feel good through restriction, like when I keep my diet, or I hold up on some fun in order to study or something like that, but there are freedoms, simple freedoms that are far more embedded in my that I thought I first. Freedoms I now recognize as galvanized into me, that maybe do not make me who I am, but are a reflection of the person I am: a free and independent person who chooses to live outside the "traditional norm", the social construction in some things, picking here and there, at will, the elements that make her life regardless of what others expect from people.

There's beauty in reclaiming back yourself, your whole self, your freedom, your independence, and that should always be defended.

Freedom extends huge around me, larger than the wings of eagles and angels, more obicuitous than air and land, far more precious than anything. It's overwhelming, teasing and wonderful and I stand here, before I make any moves, before I rush into it and gobble it all up, I stand here and watch and marvel and think: this is were I belong, this is what makes me happy.

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