Love & Attention

The other day I was again thinking about the topic of love and how love is often viewed by people. For these social pseudo-researches, Facebook is a particularly interesting field of investigation. Naturally, the following are my observations and conclusions, and no form of rigorous Scientific Method was applied to them. This is an entirely mental exercise based on a few, non-representative empirical observations. Yet, as usual, it may give you something to let your thoughts play and run and chew on.

I was wondering - again- on the topic of jealousy (have some friends around me bringing the topic on), and aside from the usual element of "possession" I find at the base of this type of feeling, something else was catching my attention. As I listened to my friends, and then saw so often on social media, then started to deduce from what I was gathering from the relationships of other people, a particular pattern started to come forth: love is being equated to attention.

Property of Stormberry

So I started thinking about this, and what do this entail. We all have heard about attention whores, and people generally seeking others' attention and approval. Many children often take on a behavior meant to get attention from the adults around them, but also we know of adults who also seek ways to get attention, many of which are willing to do just about anything for that coveted attention. But why is attention so important?

The attention by itself isn't a good or a bad thing. A person could be dragging to themselves attention that may entail negative consequences. Think here of people who get attention for crimes, accusations, being the center of some negative situation, getting involved in shameful circumstances or having done something considered shameful. Just to give you an exmple, think about the attention people accused of witchcraft got, in the times of witch trials.

Then, attention can be a positive thing, when it is drawn due to admiration. Think of the attention of people earning prizes. And then attention can be neutral, when it's drawn by curiosity, such as the attention the premier of a movie draws.

The thing with attention, is that it can make people feel important. After all, if you are drawing attention, it's because you have something all others don't have. However, the nature of attention is fleeting. Your attention don't remain always on one thing, but it shifts for one thing to the next. It goes from the morning alarm to the stationary bike, to the shower, to the clothes, to each and every product you put on your face, to your shoes, to your means of transportation, to the road, to the door, to each element of your work and work environment, or your studies... and it keeps on shifting all day, every day.

I've noticed that people in a relationship, often tend to seek getting as much attention from their partners as possible. These people tend to consider this attention either a manifestation of love or love itself. But is it?

Love is a feeling that grows and exists within you. It lives in there, in you, and is usually a positive force. When you love someone or something, that feeling tends to remain. Yes, love is organic, and it shifts and changes and evolves, but usually it tends to remain with the object of it, unless something happens that changes that feeling. Usually a change in the object or the way the object is perceived, which nullifies the elements that sparked love. This means that love can be felt for many objects. Love, unlike attention, isn't a unit that you give to one person, and then, if you want to give it to another you must take it back from the first person. You can feel love for a lot of people. Just think about family and friends.

Attention behaves like one object, or one beam, and yes, when you pay attention to one person, you stop paying attention to another, BUT, have your feelings for that first person stopped?

I find it sad that people fight for attention in the name of love, and whine for attention as if that was what love is. You can get attention, but that doesn't mean that you are being loved.

Love can be silent, love can be secret, love can be discreet, intimate and very personal. Yes, it can be loud to and lavish... but love is love, it is felt and needs to be felt. How it is expressed, is up to the nature of those who feel it.

Seek love, not attention.

Your Dream Partner

Probably from google.com, but I don't remember

In my German classes we often get these topics that prompt you to talk about, express your opinion and exercise the reach of your vocabulary. Of course, all topics are selected thinking about arming you with words for several possible conversation scenarios you might encounter in real life. One of these topics was "Dream Partner".

This topic came up a couple of times and it got me thinking about the standing that goes behind it. For instance, just because I'm female, I'm supposed to have a male dream partner, while my male classmates are supposed to have female dream partners. If you go online and type "couple" or "dream partner" a vast majority of the pictures you get are of a man-woman couple. Further more, couples were all same-etnicity, similare aged, heterosexual couple depictions. And let's for a moment put aside the fact that most pictures are very Hallmark-like, it's the matter that the very concept of a couple is heterosexual. Our freely available imagery keeps pushing forwards the heterosexual standard, and seemingly ignoring the fact that there are many other possible couple possibilities. Right now, before we go any further, let's clearly estate that I have four rules for any sort of sexual or romantic relationship. These are: 

Human, Live, Legal, Consenting

For a while now I've been making a conscient effort to try and speak in a more inclusive way, which is complicated. Honestly, I'd like to live in a world where people's personal decisions on how they decide to live their lives, who they are and how they perceive themselves are respected by all.

The thing with Dream Partners, is that, on one hand my gender do not define the gender of my partner, but my affinity, my inclination, my orientation, or whatever within me that draws me to one person or the other. It might be also the case that I have an idea of my "dream man" and my "dream woman", because yes, bisexual people aren't confused, aren't going through a phase, they genuinely are capable of loving a person and finding people sexually atractive regardless of what they have between their thighs. Bisexual people don't need to "make a decision", and the people they love have to know that they are not competing with the whole world, but learn to trust the strenght of the love they share.

taken from google.com

A dream partner can actually be someone much older than you, much younger (but of legal age!), or someone from another country, someone with a different skin color, different eye shape, different nose shape, with different political, social or economical views.

Furthermore, you might also be inclined not to have a dream partner, but several dream partners. Yes, multiple relationships are also a thing and should be acceptable. I'm not talking here about cheating, I'm talking here about polyamory, which, yes, these are people with enough space and love in their hearts to love more than one people at the same time, and actually be happy that their loved ones also have such big, generous, giving hearts.

Then there are those of us that even if they identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual... you name it, prefer not to have a relationship. Those of us happy with no dream partners. I'm like this, and I'm certain that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me, simply that I prefer not to be in any sort of relationship. I'm 41 years old and I don't feel the need to have someone by my side. In classes, this exercise was particularly complicated for me, because how was I supposed to say that my dream partner is the one that's not there for breakfast? (Mein Traumpartner, oder meine Traumpartnerin ist bei Frühstück gegangen.) I like sex, I like having fun, I like to laught and I love to talk and share and get deep in people's mind, but I don't like anything that might look like a romantic relationship.

There are also people who don't even like anything related to sex. And no, they are not immature, they won't "get there eventually". They just don't like it. Really, why is it ok not to like drinking or smoking, but it's not "normal" not to like sex? They can be very happy people without ever needing to have sex or have a romantic partner.

For a language class, it's alright to have to topic, and yes, I believe we should also acquire the words to express the wide scope of love. For every other scenario in our lives, change won't happen if we don't start raising awareness about it. If we are willing to accept the wide scope and range through which hate moves, grows and flourishes, why do we condemn those paths from love?

Let love reach everywhere.

To Read or Not to Read

Taken from Google,com
https://img14.deviantart.net/e306/i/2015/312/5/9/
a_song_of_ice_and_fire_by_ertacaltinoz-d9fzd8e.jpg

Like many others around the globe, I'm excitedly following the series Game of Thrones in HBO. I have heard a lot about the books, have seen them in the different bookstores I visit, but never really felt like reading them. Though I enjoy the series, the truth is that this kind of literature is not really my kind of literature. It just doesn't reach out to me. For instance, back when there was this huge hoot about The Lord of the Rings, I did go to the movies, I did saw them, but I never got the books nor ever felt inclined to read them.

Then, today I was talking to a coworker of mine who is also crazy about Game of Thrones, and we were talking about the next episode (episode 7) will be the last of this season (season 7), and how rumor has it that the series has deviated from the books, and curiosity got the best of me: maybe I should read the books to get the other side of the story. The idea seemed appealing in the spur of the moment, and I even went online to Amazon.com and the site of my favorite local bookstore to compare prices, and started debating. You see, I'm normally not into book series. I trilogy I can still manage, but longer series are not my thing (except, clearly, in the case of LGBTQ romance stories, like Alessandra Hazard's Straight Guys series). So, as I was checking the series of "Songs of Fire and Ice", it turns out not only that there are 5 or 6 books out, but that there might be 7 or more. This put a halt to my intent on getting them and reading them. So, basically the story is unfinished and nobody knows when will it be finished? Are readers supposed to spend years in suspense? And how well could a story be held up in such a condition? Will it have the backbone required to hold up so much story?

I'm back at considering, pondering, clicking the pages of the online libraries off and considering getting from friends one of those free pdf copies that pululate around, just to see if it is actually worth my time. To try, to rest, to attempt to minimize the risk of getting involved in something that might cut the path of other readings and yet leave me perpetually on a cliffhanger.

To read or not to read, that's the reader's dilemma.

Bloggers Fading

Screenshot by Stormberry

I think I need to go exploring again, finding new blogs to follow and read, but where should I start? Back in the day (oh yes, do you remember those golden days in 2012 when I used to blog every day?), one of my main sources of daily information was the "to read" segment of my blogger, where the many posts of the different blogs I followed were lined up to be read. It was fun, I must say ^_^. It was like having a little window into the lives of many, many people around the world, where I've got to peer into the tiny windows of their lives, and see what they set on their windowsills.

But then came the draught, and I went away for extended periods of time, hardly even made it back here for the Sabbaths - which are quite important for me, mind you, from an inspirational point of view - and then... then I forgot about my peering window. I must indeed tell you, that breaking time for blogging isn't necessarily easy when you are studying, and working. Of course, it can be done, as so many #studyblr blogs and sites show it, but it got a tad complicated for me. And then I didn't feel like it either, so why force it? There are so many things you have to do - like work and such - that imposing more chore on yourself is completely moronic. Blogging must be a joy, something that flows out of you because you feel like it, because you really want to... not because you have a schedule you feel you have to stick to.

Screenshot by Stormberry

My rutine - like many other things in my life - morphed, and I picked up on another thing I had abandoned a while ago: now my days start with me checking the news on an e-mail address I keep only for newspapers. My days thus fill with news, though curiously I do not read any news from my own countries (have yet to find a newspaper I would trust, which would send me an e-mail with the headlines), and then go on with my day. Blogs and blogging pretty much fell off my schedule, and even when I came around here, I just wrote some and then was off on my way. It wasn't until recently, these days that somehow I was bit again by the blogging-bug, that I noticed again the "to read" list only to notice that all my to-reads come from one source: philofaxy's blog.

Picture owned entirely by Stormberry

My list of followed blogs is extensive, but as I scrolled down on them I noticed that most of them were already quite inactive. Perfectly nice blogs had not been updated in 8 months, a year, five years... what's happening? Is the era of the blogs dying? Are we going to retreat into archaic blogs, maybe kept alive by their thematic nature, and those of us, writing blogs in the shape of personal journals, will retrieve into the safety of paper? As one glances through remaining blogs, they are looking less and less like logs of text, stories and thoughts, and more like websites with lots of pages and segments dedicated to different media, almost building up like online stores where you can purchase whatever things you probably don't need. Even the old journalers are prefering pictures, slowly moving their outpour of ideas into other social networks where words are less commanding, and pictures and videos make the bulk of it.

Are we hating words now? Are we picking a fight or parting ways with words, text, and rather move to what we can quickly consume? And those of us who like to write, string up words and make a longer text, are becoming the old timers? I want to read blogs, personal blogs, blogs from people telling the big, unknown darkness of the internet about their day, about their friends, about their joys and sorrows, their discoveries and rediscoveries. I want to read about the rants of others, stretch my hands through my small cyber window and peer into those other, unknown windows and marvel at the things displayed in those windowsills. I want to feel, to know that across the large sea of dark connections and wavelenghts and optic fibre, through the many submarine cables that mesh the oceans and connect us all, that there's people out there living ordinary lives like mine, but so different from mine.

I want to peer through those many tiny windows again.

Movie Sunday with Friends

Today I went to see the movie "Kimi no Nawa" (Your Name) with my friend Shimmy Gin and his wife. I must admit that at first I wasn't very much taken by the idea of going to watch an animé movie, but Shimmy insisted and showed me a quite convincing review of the movie, so I decided to give it a try. I loved it. ^_^

The movie is about two highschool kids, Mitsuha and Taki, that live in different parts of Japan. Taki is a boy living in Tokyo, and Mitsuha a girl living in the country, in a small village. They have a curious situation where they change bodies ever so often, but they don't remember when it happens. Both of them believe they are dreaming, having strange dreams, but in truth they are waking up in each other's lives. Slowly the realize what happens and develop a sort of system, and a way to communicate with each other. However, their time in switched bodies quickly vanishes from their memories as they come back to their original bodies.

The plot of the story unfolds in quite an inexpected manner, and this constant rush to keep a memory, to stay ahead of forgetting, and then the desperation as memories fade away, give you something to think about the message of the movie. The importance of trusting your senses, the inevitability of forgetting even what's important for us. It's an interesting story about holding into what matters to us, keep on searching and treasuring moments.

The quality of the art is frankly magnificent, even though here and there I found parts where the quality of the drawing wasn't up to the rest of it. Curiously, more attention was delved to the making of the scenary than the actual animating of the characters.

I liked going out with Shimmy and his wife. Shimmy and I are like brothers, and his wife totally sees that. After their marriage, Are and I met for coffee, and we quickly became friends, which is such a relief! I really don't like having to hold back myself with my friends because their families won't understand. Are totally gets it. After the movie we went shopping a bit and then went to lunch. We talked loads and loads, and when we realized, it was already really late!

Time flies when you are having fun. :-)

The Road so Far

Starbucks at MOM Park
Picture by stormberry

A few days ago I was thinking about blogging (FINALLY!!) on a the subject of relationship - again - and how in some cases people seems perfectly happy blaming others for what's basically their own fault or their own dysfunction. Of course, by now you are all very smart little peas and you are aware that every time I talk about something is because something has happened around me, or something made me aware of that particular subject. Then again, I don't mind you, Lovely Nameless Unheard Of Readers, knowing about those things because you and I will never, ever meet in real life, right? Except that... I almost told someone who knows me in Real Life about this blog, and THEN I had to stop myself and think about it. And this person and their entourage tend to read into everything, and so, that gave me pause. Shall I express myself here, or shall I wait? You see, this is the good thing about a journal: you don't have to wait because it's private and every single thought can go in there, untreated, unfiltered, pure and raw.

We are already past the middle of the year now, and as I hurried to read what could be read in my blog - previous to consider sharing it with that person I mentioned earlier - I found a post where I expressed my goals and wishes for this year. Oh, how we dream in January, only to look back in August and say "Well, that's a wish you can recycle because ain't no gonna happen this year". Thus, though I really wanted to go back to archery, that shall be postponed because my time is otherwise occupied. The idea of goig to yoga was nice... it's just that I'm not really feeling it. You know what I mean? I'm not really there. Also have planned on oing back to the 90 Minutos PowerAde free fitness program, and that didn't happen either. So what had happened?

2017 has been the year of the Study. I advanced in German all the way to B1C, which I'm coursing now, at the end of which I'm supposed to do the B1 Zertifikat test, and pass it if I want to continue to take B2 classes. B1 is supposed to be the "intermediate level". You know, where you are still not a pro but you already can understand well and express yourself well. Yeah, not my case. I've been studying German for a year and a half now, and I feel like I don't know anything! I was surer expressing myself when I was in the beginners levels. It's so not fun.

I also finally managed to enroll into Service Marketing, which is one of the last 3 subjects I must complete to finish the Marketing Career. IF the program doesn't change before I can properly enter the career and do my thesis. The class has had some minor complications, as I had to submit some homework and papers and was supposed to do so persomally, but then I had this three week trip to Hungary in summer that cut into it. Thanks the gods, the teacher knows me from other courses I've taken and we are in good terms, so he let me submit my papers by e-mail. It was quite an adventure, because I spent part of my vacations working on that paper. In the end, it came out just perfect.

At the same time, I've got into the Directed Investigation course for Finance, which is basically one of two semester classes I must take during which I write my Finance Thesis. Dear gods of old, this is happening too! I pray all goes well with this. It feels so big to be here again, writing a thesis and getting ready to finish yet another cycle of studies in my life. I'm overwhelmed.

In this light, I believe it's easy to understand why I haven't kept up either with my Letter Writing Mondays. I want to, I'd like to, but I'm not sure I can afford it with all the things currently looming over me. I've been thinking about giving it a forgiving twist, make it at home, a couple of hours, so that I can still study a little and not feel so pressed, but it's not easy, I must say. Letters slowly accumulate again, and I don't want to be in that same spot again. Time management sometimes is complicated.

The trip to Hungary... well, maybe I'll talk about that some other time. I mean, it was good, and I didn't spend much tme in Hungary per se. I went to Vienna, because I always do, and then went to Essen to visit my friend and then went to Amsterdam with them and it was beautiful. Of course, things can't be perfect, so I developped an allergy the likes of which I have not had in ten years, coughing my voice raw, getting a dripping nose, coughing until nearly suffocating myself... and then an unsightly case of dropping blood pressure. I felt so bad for my friend! Hope they don't think it's on them, or that I'm some ailing old lady.

Hungary and Austria were awful. The temperature was between 30°C and 40°C around the clock. Heat and I don't get along very well. I even got a rush from the allergy on my face! It was hell on earth. Not fun.

Back in Costa Rica, I met with my friend Li for a coffee, and I noticed her very changed. My goodness, she looked so thin and young! I was so surprised I couldn't stop admiring her. Yes, she is doing better, claiming her life back, checking what she eats (she has sworn off carbs), and she has started putting on make up. Wow, I though, I shall try my hand at that! And so I have been, playing around with some BB cream and CC cream (because I still don't feel very comfortable with foundation), and trying to give myself the winged eyeline of Rowena, from Supernatural. What can I say? I'm not girly, I'm a witch and proud of being so.