Love & Attention

The other day I was again thinking about the topic of love and how love is often viewed by people. For these social pseudo-researches, Facebook is a particularly interesting field of investigation. Naturally, the following are my observations and conclusions, and no form of rigorous Scientific Method was applied to them. This is an entirely mental exercise based on a few, non-representative empirical observations. Yet, as usual, it may give you something to let your thoughts play and run and chew on.

I was wondering - again- on the topic of jealousy (have some friends around me bringing the topic on), and aside from the usual element of "possession" I find at the base of this type of feeling, something else was catching my attention. As I listened to my friends, and then saw so often on social media, then started to deduce from what I was gathering from the relationships of other people, a particular pattern started to come forth: love is being equated to attention.

Property of Stormberry

So I started thinking about this, and what do this entail. We all have heard about attention whores, and people generally seeking others' attention and approval. Many children often take on a behavior meant to get attention from the adults around them, but also we know of adults who also seek ways to get attention, many of which are willing to do just about anything for that coveted attention. But why is attention so important?

The attention by itself isn't a good or a bad thing. A person could be dragging to themselves attention that may entail negative consequences. Think here of people who get attention for crimes, accusations, being the center of some negative situation, getting involved in shameful circumstances or having done something considered shameful. Just to give you an exmple, think about the attention people accused of witchcraft got, in the times of witch trials.

Then, attention can be a positive thing, when it is drawn due to admiration. Think of the attention of people earning prizes. And then attention can be neutral, when it's drawn by curiosity, such as the attention the premier of a movie draws.

The thing with attention, is that it can make people feel important. After all, if you are drawing attention, it's because you have something all others don't have. However, the nature of attention is fleeting. Your attention don't remain always on one thing, but it shifts for one thing to the next. It goes from the morning alarm to the stationary bike, to the shower, to the clothes, to each and every product you put on your face, to your shoes, to your means of transportation, to the road, to the door, to each element of your work and work environment, or your studies... and it keeps on shifting all day, every day.

I've noticed that people in a relationship, often tend to seek getting as much attention from their partners as possible. These people tend to consider this attention either a manifestation of love or love itself. But is it?

Love is a feeling that grows and exists within you. It lives in there, in you, and is usually a positive force. When you love someone or something, that feeling tends to remain. Yes, love is organic, and it shifts and changes and evolves, but usually it tends to remain with the object of it, unless something happens that changes that feeling. Usually a change in the object or the way the object is perceived, which nullifies the elements that sparked love. This means that love can be felt for many objects. Love, unlike attention, isn't a unit that you give to one person, and then, if you want to give it to another you must take it back from the first person. You can feel love for a lot of people. Just think about family and friends.

Attention behaves like one object, or one beam, and yes, when you pay attention to one person, you stop paying attention to another, BUT, have your feelings for that first person stopped?

I find it sad that people fight for attention in the name of love, and whine for attention as if that was what love is. You can get attention, but that doesn't mean that you are being loved.

Love can be silent, love can be secret, love can be discreet, intimate and very personal. Yes, it can be loud to and lavish... but love is love, it is felt and needs to be felt. How it is expressed, is up to the nature of those who feel it.

Seek love, not attention.