Back to the Filofax Inserts (kinda)

Property of Stormberry

 It's that time of the year again, or not exactly, but yes, it's that "time of the year" when you go on thiking about how and where are you going to plan all you need to plan the comming year. Well, unless you do all your planning elecronically, in which case... do you have "that time of the year"?

Most of my planner journey is somewhat documented in this blog, so I won't bore you with the recount of all the details of what I've tried and how did all that went, but suffice to say, that I believe I'm gettng to the end of my bullet journalling days. It was fun while it lasted, but I realized that this system doesn't work for me as well, as the Week on Two Pages (W2P) insert system.

Since mid August of this year, I decided to go back to a W2P style, and so took my dotted pages, draw the divisions, dated the boxes and have been planning on it. I even brought back my old chronodex stamp, and I'm getting the hang of it back again. It doesn't work 100% as expected, but I'm getting there.

Property of Stormberry

As the year was progressing to the end, I noticed I needed space to start planning the next year and pencil in the new due-dates and appointments. And my bullet journal style wasn't giving me much of the kind of space I needed for that. (Filofaxes are, actually, marvelous for that). Yes, I had post its and notes on a page at the end of the caledar, to migrate them into the next planner, but I wanted more. And I didn't want to draw all the calendars just yet.

I spent a couple of days thinking on this matter, and then decided to throw a couple of inserts into my Amazon cart. But I didn't buy it (there where $500 work of books, so...). Eventually time went on, and the inserts wouldn't have arrived on time, so I thought "And if I print them out?". And I tried it. Made a couple of templates, printed out a couple of samples, punched them, tried them in my planner, tested my pens in them, selected my fave one, tweeked it and then printed out the calendar and the trackers I really want and use.

Contrary to popular custom, I decided to go with just one calendar, a weekly one, and see how it goes. I have noticed that two calendars is quite a hassle for me, having to copy everything in two places, checking everything in two places... It made sense with the bullet journal, but not with the inserts. Truth to be told, when I have a weekly, I hardly used the monthly, no matter where I put it.

If I find that I need it, I'll print it, but I will try to have only one calendar (in my filofax) and work with it.

This is how I prepare for 2022.

"Intelligent"

 

Property of Stormberry

I found a publication on some social platform (Instagram? Tumblr? One of those, I guess) about how people saw you. The point of the publication was to show that no matter what you do, people won't see you the same way. Some see you as nice, others as mean. The point was also to raise awareness about how you see yourself, and how you must build your self image based on your how you see yourself, and not on how others perceive you.

This got me thinking, and I quickly realized that most people see me the same way, or would describe me with the same word: "intelligent". Does this mean I'm intelligent?

No, not at all. As a matter of fact, I'm sure that most people who would lable me with that word don't even know whether I'm intelligent or not, but this is an easy way to define someone that seems to fall out of the norm (what they consider the norm) and act in a way that doesn't follow what they are used to. From my perspective, "intelligent" is what most people say of those they can't understand, seem strange, but not so strange as to lable them "crazy". I'm a curious person, and long ago I've learned not to take compliments on their face value (except when there's more to gain from leaving people to be, than from researching the mind of the person), and rather question them.

If you are called "beautiful", or "good", mont people find it easy to tell you why they call you so. Your eyes are pretty, your smile is pretty, your hair is so pretty... those are the usual ones. Or, you are so good to children, you are so helpful, you are so selfless... and so on. But what do they say when asked why they think you are "intelligent"? The usual answers show that they don't really kow if you are really intelligent, but you seem to check the boxes of an intelligent person. "Intelligent" can be fulfilled with having lots of books (even if you haven't read them, or if all of them are collections of jokes... for instance), or if you are seen reading (regardless of the kind of book you are reading or whether you understand what you are reading), if you have at least one college degree, if you have a good job or if you are perceived as successful. But those that mean that you are intelligent?

Not at all.

Many people - at least in Latin America - describe corrupt, manipulative people as "intelligent" because they perceive these people of "being able to get away with it". Does that mean that they are intelligent?No necesarily.

I think being intelligent means being able to absorb knowledge and apply it. In this sense, most people are intelligent, though not everybody is intelligent the same way or in the same area. However, I also think that intelligence is a long run process, not a sort of flawed knowledge that depends on chance, but the sort of knowledge that has a solid ground, and can adapt in a sure way. Thus, I find intelligent a crafts-person or farmer who learns their job, can do it with knowledge, and if something changes, they can find where the change happened, and work towards adapting their knowledge to it, and add that new information to it. A manipulative person or a corrupt person depend on certain conditions to remain stable in order to keep their schemes. If these fall, they find it harder to get back on their previous position. Their "cunning" has a shaky basis, so, it's a gamble, not real intelligence.

At the same time, the external signs upon which intelligence is judged (by those who do not have the tools to really gauge intelligence, or don't hav the disposition to do so), ca be copied by anyone, even people who are not intelligent, but want to look intelligent (like, say, a con artist). Often, people think someone is intelligent if they speak with self confidence about something don't understand well, or say a lot of things that make no sense clearly, but have a confident attitude while speaking. It doesn't mean they are intelligent, but they seem to be.

The word "intelligent" and the true value behind it has lost lots of its meaning, and has become a blank lable used both to compliment those you have nothing evident to compliment them about, to pretend your compliment is "deeper", but also the perception of intelligence is used to misguide people. And the reason is that people has stopped really seeing intelligence, and no longer care to really know what intelligence is. Intelligence takes time to gather, and it doesn't mean it will make you wealthy, successful, happy or able to always right. Intelligent means you will be able both to understand, to see, and to recognize when you don't know something.

No, I'm not intelligent in that regard. I ignore a lot of things I don't know. I may think I know something, but in truth I may not know it. But I am learning. I am a curious person, I like to study, that's what I am.

Shadow Work

 

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To be perfectly honest, shadow work scares me. I just... rather not do it, but I start to think that the world around me is slowly pushing me to face my wounds and my shadows and start solving them. And who likes to poke the places that hurt? Not me, I can tell you.

Ever since I'm living alone (even though close to my family), I have been able to take distance, take place and see the things that have been harming me, the things I react to, the things that make me feel vulnerable and chip away from my sense of security, my sense of safety and even my own capabilities. By actually spending more time alone, with myself (another blessing in disguise from the pandemic and the enforced work-from-home), I have been able to start unravelling why I do some things or why I can't stop doing, saying, feeling or thinking about certain stuff.

One such thing, that has taken a lot of time for me to accept, is the fact that my relationship with my dad isn't a good one. My dad is a very toxic person, and with age his toxicity only gets worse. He doesn't like to be wrong, and he doesn't like to admit that other people might know things better than him. With age, he has lost his ability to admire people, and so, when the feeling arises in him, it turns onto bitter envy. Along with all this, he has lost his ability to be humble. Understanding this for me has taken a while, but has been inportant, so that I can learn to question the things he does and says, instead of taking them as "the only right way to do things", which is how he presents them. And it's not easy.

I'm sure a lot of people out there know people like that: only what they say is right, even when you know it's not, but they insist and fight, and go as low as insult those who question them or prove them wrong, up to the point of making you doubt what you know and probably know better than them. Why is it important to recognize this? Because interacting with people with this behavior can chip away your sense of self-worth, self-respect and even your self-trust. It puts you  in an edge, when you try to do something for yourself, the way you think it should be done, because if there is one single mistake, one single flaw, or even if your attempt fails, you will feel the failure far bigger than it even is.

I'll give you an example: my house - which I LOVE - has a "complicated" roof because I wanted gables, which is not common in this part of the world. Because of it, it is prone to have leaks. And it has leaks. A lot of them have been fixed, but some appear here and there, and some are stubborn. The "original" building crew couldn't fix it, and abandoned the house, and my dad declared that "it can never be fixed and it will always leak". Oh, and he blamed my architect, basically because she's a woman and not the architect he picked. Well, I wasn't going to have that, so I hired some workers recommended by a friend, who actually did the job really well, and guaranteed the job. Of course, my dad still found faults, and all of those faults were false. Like, he said they were so expensive, whene he doesn't know how much they charge me. Or say they work really poorly, when they have fixed the things they have been hired to do.

Now, fixing leaks isn't all that easy, and so, as part of the guarantee, when the leaks appear again, they come and fix them free of charge. However, each time a leak reappears or a new one appears, I feel so anxious because it has been hammered in my head that I can't fix it, that my decisions are wrong, and only my dad knows how to fix them (after he said it was impossible to fix). I've grown anxious with rain, when I used to love rain and rain storms, because of that, because a single little drop makes me feel like I can't do things, that I need help. And it's stupid, and rationally I know that, because I already have the solution for it, and I also know that leaks take time and many tries to fix.

Now, I finally getting to the point where I know that, I understand that, but now I have to work on fixing that, in accepting in my head and in my spirit, that I am capable, knowing my true limitations and how can I overcome them or accept them. Recently I also understood why I had such a hard time letting a person go, why I couldn't stop thinking about them even though I had nothing positive to say. I realized this was so because I was repeating the same toxic pattern I have with my dad, because this person has the same toxic nature, in the same manner as him. I saw the danger I was in.

Shadow work is important, so you can live a fuller, happier life. And sometimes, like with my roof, you must do your shadow work with the aid of a professional.

October is Here with Mercury Retrograde

Property of Snowberry

I don't want to use the word "hectic" to describe anything about my day or how I feel things going on. It'sthe word that keeps popping up in my head, and it seems like an easy word to describe things, but I want to free myself from it and find the underlying rhythm in everything. Things happen for a purpose and in a long line of cause-consequence chain.

It's not late, but I soon must be turning to sleep, which I love, because - really - my bed is amazing. It is. It's soft, comfy, spacious (for one person), warm but also deliciously chill. I finished my dinner with a glass of Merlot from a Chilean winehouse, I live in my own house, started decorating for Halloween, it's October and I had an amazing idea to present tomorrow for my thesis tutor. And - unlike it happens with other of my classmates, I have regular meetings with my tutor and I totally love him.

Today I made myself a Hungarian dish for lunch, and I still had some chicken soup left over, so I had a two course meal (no desert as I already ate all my apple pie). As I prepared the dish, I found myself so happy, and specially so happy to be me. Have you ever felt like that? I was happy I am me, and I was making myself a dish I love and that each day I eat food I love, and I don't have to conform. I can have my full meal, with an entry soup and a main course, and sometimes also a desert (not always because even though I may have desert, I'm too full to keep eating), and I can have food made in the oven!

I had some groceries delievered, and I had oranges and Granny Smith apples. Granny Smith! Nobody else likes green apples and I don't have to compromise! What a wonderful sensation! I even thought about making another apple pie, which I may or may not do. The sky is the limit.

I wore rings today on my fingers, and my hair loose. And it felt great! There is something in this thing, of me finding myself, giving into my desires, that makes me happy, liberates me and so I find myself being more inspired. I did great advances at one of my projects at my job, and I didn't cover for a lazy coworker. I remained honest and did my best, and my best was acually quite good.

And I had an idea that might be a breakthrough for my Master's Thesis! Oh, I hope it works out.

Money is a bit tight now, as I strive to save and I had some of my household stock running low, but I'm still keeping an eye on the goal. I might end up going to the beach with my Honduran classmates, but one way or the other, I intend to take some vacations in the beginning of November.

October is not only my witchy month. but also my creative month. And I feel it. Even with the Mercury Retrograde, I feel the inspiration and the great ideas coming.

Thoughts on a Wedding from outside

Source: Google Images

 I don't know what was I thinking, but I agreed to be a bride's maid for a friend. Yes, I know. A bride's maid, when I don't believe in the institution of marriage and I advocate for independence and freedom, and also the freedom in the relationships, open and free, where - if anything keeps you together then it should be waking up each day and each day deciding to stay or leave the person or persons you are with.

Anyway, this friend is getting married with her boyfriend from ten years, and she asked me. I did tell her, I can't be very involved, I have a lots of commitments with my job and my studies. so yes, I can't participate in a lot of things and she accepted it. So, so far so good. Things have been light and all, but then, bills started to build in. On one hand there was the bride's maid dress, which - fortunatelly - can actually be transformed, and not like the silver one I still have hanging in my closet.

The thing is that some things have changed for me, and I decided to start saving in earnest, so I'm looking closely at every penny I spend. This is how I started to pay closer attention to the money I was being expected to spend on someone else's wedding and all the partying and activities around it. The dress, the gift for the wedding, the gift for the bachelorette's party, the fee for the bridal's shower, the gift for the bridal's shower... The bill is quickly raising above $300 or even more, and that's in a country where the average incomes sits at about $400.

Honestly, being called and "invited" to the bridal's shower, after the bride had floated the idea of a bachelorette party in a hotel room where all the bride's maids and the bride would stay over (and pay $255 each... plus the gift), alreeady started to ring some alarm bells in my head.

I know she want's a grand wedding, and she lives in the kind of group where all her friends are getting married and they all compete for who makes the biggest production out of the wedding and the surrounding parties and... "cash/gift grabbing" occasions? As if there was no pandemic going on, and as if we were not in a country were death and infection statistics weren't going through the roof, with hospitals already collapsing, sending back sick people because there are no more beds. I know she was affected at first, at the idea of only having a religious ceremony, because she wanted her reception, but the way this is ballooning into - at least - five different events (all of them demanding gifts and at least two of them demanding a fee), it's beyond crazy for me.

Are they not concerned about the health of people? What makes them think people can't get sick by meeting so many times? Are they so easily swayed by the fake promise made from the renting locations that "they keep the protocols", when protocols must be kept on all sides?

And then, the money. Why the need to squeeze their guests for so much money? Sure, I keep the dress, but it's not a dress I actually need. I'm working from home, I don't need that dress, nor the transformed version I'll pay for it later in order to be closer to being able to use it more than once. And why the fees? People isn't swimming in money right now, so why can't they only do the activities they can pay for by themselves, and also consider which are actually sensible to organize given the current situation.

I have always considered activities that demand a fee from the guests as a distasteful thing. Your guests are not asking you to organize them, so if you decide to do them, do them within your budget. Don't make your guests pay for your ideas. And demanding a gift... how tacky is that?

Weddings always make me pity the couple: all this need for attention, this grand production only to receede later on into a life that's not a reflection of the grand production they put on, an aftermath only to be shadowed by the next big production. Why people who get married can't simply get married and be done with it? Why the production and the implicit lie?

Again on Journaling

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 It wasn't until moments ago that I found the old posts I have written here about journaling, and up until that moment I knew I had written about the subject - because duh! - but I didn't know what have I written and whether I would repeat myself. Well, I have the pictures and I have some ideas, so I might as well share them, right? Right.

This has been prompted because I have started watching videos about journaling again. Most of what you can find, though, either it's about art journaling or junk journaling, or doing a sort of journaling that's more like smashbooking or scrapbooking than the basic concept of journaling people get from reading or hearing about famous diaries, such as Anne Frank's, Anaïs Nin's, Benjamin Franklin's and so on and so forth. But then, there's also the journaling that functions also as a planner or a time/task organizer. So yes, it can become quite a confusing thing, though it doesn't need to be so.

So, when someone thinks "I would like to journal", or maybe someone who has been journaling wonder if they are doing it well, I believe the more voices with can give to guide and assure people on this subject, the better. In this post I'll mainly concentrate on the process of starting, so let's dive into that.

Right or Wrong Way

First things first, to the question of "Is there a right way to journal?" the answer is "Yes and No". There's not really ANY particular way, format, aesthetic, periodicity or medium that makes it right or wrong. So, whatever format you pick or if you give it up or have no consistency, or switch from one way to another, it's all good.

The only way to do it wrong is doing it without liking it. If you don't enjoy it, stop. When you stop liking it, that's when it's wrong. But as long as you like it, it's absolutely right.

What to Write About

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Well, before looking for prompts and consuming five TB of Pinterest pictures, and invest 100 hours on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram researching the subject, be clear about why you would even want to journal. Maybe you saw some pics and felt like you want to try it, or you heard someone did it and you want to do it as well.Or you saw the aesthetics and liked them, and you want to create something like that.

Now, usually one would say, "well, there you go: copy that". And yes, you are right: it's not that easy, specially if you are inspired by artistic journals and you feel like you don't have the same talent. Or if you are inspired by travelling journals, but you can't really travel, and don't feel like writing a journal about where you would like to go.

In those cases, my advise would be to write about that, or if you want to create a more art-journal or collage-journal, then start by simply clipping and collecting pictures you like. You don't even have to paste them in, just collect them, stash them between the pages, let them accumulate there and try out a couple of ideas as you feel like.

If you felt inspired and are more into "words", it's much easier  - or at least for me because I am into words and writing - because instead of jumping right off into the thick of it, you can start by writing about your motivation or how did you get there.

Now, if it wasn't your idea but it's a assignment, or you were advised to write a journal for whatever reason, a couple of ideas until you warm up are:

1. Write about the news headlines. What catches your attention and what do you think about it.

2. Write about the gossip you have heard.

3. Write about what you have seen on social media lately, that catches your attention.

4. Pick a person, an animal, a plant, a thing... anything that catches your attention, and write about what you think of them or it.

5. Write about anything interesting (for you) that has happened or is about to happen.

Last year a lot of people found inspiration to journal in the events that have changed the world, deciding to record their experience with the pandemic. Those journals got to be known as the quarantine diaries. Whether they keep up or not, those people and those journals came from a moment of global life change and came to life to record a shift like no other. But then again, you don't need a global shift to journal. A personal shift is enough. And yes, you can still pick up a pen and paper and start right now writing your quarantine diaries or your climate change diaries or the "oh-hell-what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-people" diaries.

Entries can be short or long and don't even have to be dated. I date them because I have a bad memory and my journals actually help me remember, but if you don't care about the dates or what you decide to journal about isn't time sensitive, skip it. Hey, you may even date some entries and some others don't.

How to Start an Entry

Well, dating it is the easiest way, if you choose that way. For a while now I've been adding the location and also giving a sort of title to my entries, but you do anything you want. If you want to follow an epistolary style, with "Dear Diary,", that's a way to do it. If you feel blocked, and you want to write, but have no idea how to write that first sentence, make a title with the general topic you want to write about. 

For instance, let's say that you had a hard day at work because there was too much traffic and meetings got cancelled and pushed to other days and you wasted hours trying to reschedule them. So how to start? You could say:

1. Today was a very hard day. ... and go on explaining why.

2. Make a title: "Hard Day" or "Wasted Hours" or "Rescheduling". Here go with the first idea. Then go on explaining what happened.

3. Pretend you are talking to a friend. Start with "People need to be more reliable. I can't have another day like this. Today I had a busy day..." and go on.

Sometimes it happens that you are very tired but would like to journal because you want to keep a fresh memory of the events, but really, you are too tired. Well, you can either make a short entry in list format or with just a few words or sentences to jug your memory, and leave it for some other day. If you have the chance, record it on a voice note. Deal with it later.

I have a couple of entries I have written through many days in order to record the particular events of a given day. It not only works, but oftentimes, taking more time to record certain things becomes cathartic and also gives you a new perspective.

Oh, and it's always ok to add stuff. Recipes, photos, clippings, notes. And no, it doesn't have to be artistic, just meaningful for you.

How to Start Journaling - the First Page Question

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Yes, it can be intimidating. The last two photos are actual pictures of the first pages of my journals. Sometimes I have added a printed out article I liked, and used it to write my first entry as a omment to it. Another first entry said something about my journaling habits, specifically how I choose to write the date and how that holds throughout the journal.

Other times that first entry reads as what it is: a continuation of the journaling process that comes from a long line of journals written through many years now.

This page doesn't have to be perfect, doesn't need a cover or a design or a grand opening. Just write. You don't even have to worry about reading it in the future, because unless you are like mee and have a bad memory, journaling is about recording, writing it down, recording, filming something for the very pleasure of doing so.

I don't really like it when people talk about "making a habit of journaling" or advise people to "keep doing it, even if you don't like it because it will eventually come naturally to you". You should make journaling anything you want it to be, and if it naturally becomes a habit, well, great. If not, if you write only once a year or every other month or god-knows-when, that's ok too. Write when you feel like it, and about what you feel like it.

The only person your journaling has to satisfy is you.

Now, something I would like to mention here is that journaling doesn't have to be strictly writing or writing by hand. You can type if you want, do it on a document on your computer, on your phone, or an app, or some online journal or even a blog. But it can also be audio recordings or videos, or any other way you find to express yourself in a way that satisfies you.

A New Story

 

Property of Stormberry

Another post with "that clump of trees". These are actually trees I can see from my office window, from home, and when it's not foggy you can see that they are in a simple plot of land, and there's a road and some small buildings behind. But when the rain and the fog come, it looks like some sort of spooky forest. I guess that's why I like it.

This time around, however, this picture has a particular meaning for me, as today I finally opened a new document and started typing the first line for a new novel. No, I have not published any novel, and no, I have not finished the one I was writing about that friend of mine. Not like that has ever stopped me in the past (I'm fairly capable of writing 100 + pages of a story and then leave the project behind), but this particular story has been rolling around in my head for a while.

I'm kind of "nervous" because I'm setting my story in a time and place I don't know very well, but I really feel called to. I guess I will have to research more about that topic - which is no hardship, as I love that time and place... in a way of speaking (it's little after the Salem witch trials and in that general area, though I make sure not to mention the place), and I plan on taking as many creative licenses as possible (I'll work with made up characters, not any real person from that time), but still. Why is it that people usually expect writers to write about their time and geographical location? No, really, think about it. You her stuff like "write about what you know" and stuff like that. Of course, nobody expects Sci-Fi writers or dystopian writers to do so, but there tends to be a reserve about a writer from X place to write a story located in Z place.

Or maybe I have been around the wrong kind of people.

Not like I would object to several research-trips to Salem, Massachusetts to fully investigate those times, and roam the streets until I know them by heart and locate the exact place of Gallows Hills (Was it Gallows Hills? See? Evidently I need to go to research), but I still have this nag in my head, that I should write about what's connected to me and pretty much evident to anyone. Like that novel about that friend which is so close to reality it will probably be terribly uncomfortable for him (and other people)... even though I make him look soo much better than what he is in real life (and the characters still comes off as a jerk, mind you).

Will I publish? I think the first question is "will I finish it?". And honestly, I don't know. Back when I wrote fanfics, we called these ideas "plotbunnies". They are like these fluffy-tailed, cute little ideas for a story that live in your head and jump around and you can't not think about them. So I write them out, park them somewhere. Then they stop jumping around and eventually fade into oblivion.

We shall see what will happen with this one.

As for the picture, it's the rain and the forest, the first two elements of this story that had ever come to my mind. So that's what I typed, that firts half scene. And so the picture, so I don't forget about this one.

Always make sure you can leave

Source: Amazon.com

 I want a set of scrabble. It's not so much that I want to have people over and play scrabble with them, but more like I want to have a set, use the tiles for pictures, or just to play all by myself. Truth to be told, I don't really like or particularly enjoy playing these sort of board games, though the ones I like all revolve around words and knowledge.

This thought came to me as I was thinking about a picture to put in here for this post, for this topic, and I looked around me and thought that there was nothing really of my own I could use, and then thought, "wouldn't it be handy to make a picture spelling out the word with scrabble tiles?". So yes, some thoughts just go on like that.

The topic that has prompted this post, though, goes a bit with the last one, and it's on relationships.

I was talking to someone yesterday, and the topic of complicated relationships came up. Toxic friends, toxic family members, toxic relationships and so on. This is something I've been processing as of late - well, all of my life, actually, but am more aware of it and working more consciously on as of late - so from this conversation, and my notes in my personal journal, and the thoughts coursing through my head, I've come to the conclusion that one should avoid the type of relationships that are like... the Amazon Prime Membership. Let me explain.

For many years I had Amazon Prime Membership, and though I didn't have all the perks, because I'm not in the US, but still, there were many good things that made the membership worthwhile for me. However, with time, the perks started to wane away, were reduced and the yearly membership's price went up. At one point, I was left without any perk that I could take advantage off, and the membership was becoming too expensive, in the light of this. So, the rational thing for me was to cancel the membership. However, this took me DAYS to do. There was no way for me to contact with anyone or find the button or the form or any way to cancel. I didn't give up though, and after several days looking for the way to leave until I finally found it.

Yay! Awesome! The way out! Except it had like a million gates trying to make me stay. So I had to click "No" over and over and over and over and find the way to say no until I was finally out of there. The experience was so horrible, that even though I thought I would leave only for a while, come back when the perks improve again or something, in the end I decided to leave for good. I mean, what if the next time I'm trapped in the Membership for ever and ever and all eterenity? I wouldn't want that!

Well, though a lot of people can see why this is an undesirable practice in commerce, they don't see this as a bad thing in relationships, or don't even question this, and perhaps this is because oftentimes people walk into a relationship not thinking that this will be a "temporal thing" but a permanent one. A lot of people who get in a relationship, are looking for their "forever after", so why would they look for the exit?

As it is, when you get a membership, usually you are not looking for it to end soon, but rather to enjoy the perks and hope for the new, exciting things that are to come in the future. Pretty much like in a relationship. However, as with memberships, things can change with time, and things might come to the point where it's best to cancel teh membership or dissolve the relationship, or part ways. Getting to this point can be hard as well, specially when you are still thinking of those remaining few good things, or you are thinking that maybe soon things will change and you don't want to miss the new good things to come, whether you are certain of them to come, or you only hope for them to come. So, in memberships and relationships, coming to the point where you decide that leaving is the best course of action can be hard in itself. So, why face more trouble? And I don't mean the natural pain of leaving or breaking up, or telling a boss you are resigning, or a family member that you won't be visiting them anymore and you wish them not to call you anymore. I mean of those cases where - like in those memberships - the people or the organization you are in this relationship with turn out to be toxic or so impossible you start feeling trapped, that you have no way out.

Those relationships (be it friends, family, romantic partners, or so) that refuse to let you go, guilty trip you, start spreading rumors about you in order to close doors for you, threaten your safety or that of others in order to force you to remain in the relationship, clearly against your will. In some cases it's complicated because you haven't chosen the relationship, and opting out isn't clear - such as in the case with family - or you may be in a very delicate situation where your livelihood depends on that relationship, such as a job, for instance. No, I won't tell you that there's always a way out, and sometimes you have to do work little by little and find ways to carve a little space where you can feel better, or build some kind of distance of some sort either to make the situation livable, or until a chance appears that allows you to leave.

Memberships might be easier to terminate, but when we get into a relationship, or about to, before we jump in, lets look for red flags, lets state clear our hard limits and stick to them firmly. Let's be watchful and be ready to leave. And when we can't leave, let's work hard to become stronger and build those barriers, those limits and reinforce them, have them respected over and over until we carve for ourselves the space to be happy and free.

The Fixings

Property of Stormberry

The leaks in my roof have been fixed, and I hope they stay so for a while. What a relief! The people making the fixing had to come out three times to finally get all the leaks dealt with. Now only the windows need sealing. I actually messaged them today and got a swift reply after they have been silent for almost twenty days, while the rains poured and the water filtered and ruined the paint on my walls. Oh, on that note, it's worth noting that my chocolate brown walls get very marked with water, which I don't really get. The outside dark grey walls hold well their color, and so the medium grey ones. If it were because "the rain washes them equally" it wouldn't be so as the rain doesn't always falls the same way, and some parts are not touched while others are. So why are the brown walls getting so damaged with the rain water?

But anyway, we are moving ahead and my house is standing strong and lovely, and we are both growing more and more into who we are. I'm so happy with my house!

I'm not out of the woods yet, as I had a lot of expenses, and I had to make decisions about how to finance them. Nothing I can't manage, rest assured, but I decided to use my credit card again while I get over the current bump. Some things, after all, have to be dealt with switfly, and some instruments can be used to such matters, as long as we keep them well watched. Yes, it makes me uneasy, mostly because it was not part of my plans to use my card again, but one needs to deal with the cards one is dealt.

On that same line, as I was going through dealing with uncomfortable situations and things that prick at my sense of order and comfort, this friend was brought back into my memory. I have written or alluded to him here several times, and has been quite a fixture. Though I want to think of him as a good person, truth to be told, if I want to be impartial, I believe I don't have enough elements to call him so. Maybe it is the way he is around me - because, honestly, I am a menacing person for him -, but be it as it is, I'm more inclined to say that he is a toxic sort of person.

Now, as you know, I believe in magick, signs, cosmic connections, spiritual phenomenons and the such, so for a while now I have tried to understand why had this person been so mingled with my life, and have always stirred such strong emotions. Emotions that I shall clarify, are not always positive. I mean, I like him - I do like him - but I also can't stand him. So why the push-&-pull? Did I want him in my life? Did I not? Did I want him as friend, as partner, as occasional fuck or as a distant memory of the past? Why did I find it so hard to let him go? Why did I go to such extents as I did for him? What has happening there?

I'm a Cancer Sun, Gemini rising and Leo Moon. Yes, it may not make sense to many, but I'll say this: for years he has been playing my Cancer (as in playing my emotions), and my Gemini (my communicative and knowledge thirsty part), by a very bizarre game of choosing words to keep me hooked like a writer of a cliffhangery pulp fiction, but also by not telling me ever much of the information. Then again, though it has been hard to come to terms with my Gemini (a lot of people I don't like are Gemini), my twins are quite a resourceful and twisted pair, and so... we did LOTS of research. Yes, that also kept me hooked, but also started opening my eyes to the fact that there were things there that were not kosher. I paid attention, I started to see the cracks, and I believe that's what kept me (in part) from falling into his game.

But I still was hooked for quite a while. It was one of those messy tangles where you know that it's not what you want, there's nothing really there that you could want in your life, but "something" keeps you there and you can't quite figure out why.

He was here at my home visiting in the begining of June and brought me an early birthday present (even though I am positive I had told him that I am picky about my birthday and I celebrate it only the day it is). The present was a book and a bottle of wine. Thoughtful, yes, and exactly what I have gifted him the last two birthdays of him. And then he was nice and all, but also made sure to include just a hint of insulting or - at least, derogatory. I know well that he takes to heart each time I have pointed out to the flaws on his thinking, work or skills, and I also know this is his pety way to try and get back to me, even though at times he has to invent an alternative reality just to point out a flaw in me. (Like the time he told me that one doesn't "eat different kinds of meat for one meal", just because I offered him chicken stock before a main course consisting of beef. Yeah... I believe he hasn't heard of paella, or burgers with bacon... or just about any meal with more than one course.)

So far, though his petiness annoys me, I just booked it as "him being stupid because he doesn't know better and has lived so far trying to be someone he's not, that he can't turn back and try to be himself". However, this month something happened, a shifting.

As I was working and dealing with the last of the second quarter of the Master's program, and dealing with the leaks on the roof, and the leaking windows, solving the financial situation and so on, he came to my mind, and just as I was solving all my issues and finding out that I can solve these things without having to run to my dad or my brother, it kind of landed on me: this friend has the bad habits of my father and my brother. The lying, the gaslighting, forcing his ideas on others like they are truth, unwilling to learn from others, or accept that others might be right, unwilling to accept that they are wrong, and when proven wrong going pety, bringing up over and over uncomfortable events of the past which they twist to fit their narrative, going as far as turning a happy memory or even a moment of confusion into something to be mocked of.

Through the days I have found that this person had all these qualities, and I understood: he was put in my life so that I can see that and work on my shadow. And let all that go. That was why I couldn't let him go, because I wanted to fix or defeat in him what I find so disturbing in my own family. And the lesson, I'm finding is, that their qualities are not my problem, and I can walk away or call them out if I like.

I had read the book he gave me, and found it awful. Then I also saw the book in the big scheme of things: he had been for a while trying to copy the main character of that book, which was particularly sad.

As I think about him, I feel no tendrils of attachment anymore, but rather a neutral void, like standing on an edge where a bridge used to stand, where there is no longer a bridge, but which lack you can't see because it's all drowned in a fog. I don't eeven miss it.

I think I am finally over.

Rainy August

Property of Stormberry

 I had a reading last month with Madi Murphy, an a-mazing intuitive astrologer, and I had a hoot at her reading! She has a podcast and I TOTALLY recommend it to... everyone?

Like I said, the reading was fantastic, but on a bit of a forecast she warned me about the period between mid October to mid December, as it was going to be a trying time. She told me, thought, that even though it would tax me, I should not worry because I had what it took to go through it, and that I should just let myself go with the flow. If you know me, that's easier said that done, as I am the flow. And, of course, it got me worried.

Well, this month things got a tad... unpleasant. It has been raining quite hard, and we even had hailstorms. And well, I found out that my windows have not been sealed as they should, and rain pours through the frames. But also, I found I also had some leaks on my roof. I was very worried because curretly my financial situation isn't the most comfortable, so I was quite anxious about the bill I would have to foot for the repairs.

Since this is a very important job and needs to be done well, I called a very responsible, trustworthy team, and they came yesterday and fixed my roof. And the bill was such that I could very much afford it. I was so happy because I didn't go over budget, that I decided to be  responsible person and save the unused part, and so I invested it. It's not much, and it will yield just a little of interests, it's a first step towards my future financial security. Savings always make me feel safe.

However, today the rain came and an old leak came back with vengeance. I felt like crying as I saw the water pouring down the ceiling over my staircase. It was far worse that before!! I quickly took pictures and called the workers, who had promised to come tomorrow first thing in the morning and fix with within the warranty of their job. Of course I'm still anxious about the leak, but I feel so much better now. Before them I had have issues with other worker teams that charged over and over for the same job, and in the end you had the feeling the problem wasn't so bad as much as they saw a chance to milk you for as much money as you were willing to fork over.

All the other leaks were solved, only this one got really bad, but hopefully, tomorrow this will be solved as well. I just hope my whammy period got scheduled earlier and this was all, because, really, I would rather not have to go through more worries for the rest of the year. (Or next year.) (Or the next ten years.) (Or the next twenty years.) (Or for the rest of my life. Yeah, that sounds about good.)

Morning Coffee

Property of
Stormberry

It's still early and the coffee I brewed maybe two hours ago stays still warm in my thermos. Another day working from home, from the couch, as I'm still carefully nursing my sprint ankle. Oh boy, will the days when I could walk normally again ever come back? Yes, those silly questions you pose yourself when a particularly inconvenient ailment afflicts you.

It's quiet. The cats are still not entirely used to their life outdoors, or at least Bonnie isn't, which annoys me to hell, with her incesant attempts to sneak back into the house. Not that I can afford it now! I finally uncovered my puzzle "in progress", and I can't have cats running around it or borrowing pieces to chew on. I want my Degas as intact as possible, thank you.

I'm making progress in the different tasks I have, and feeling good about it. I'm rethingking again and again my planner plans, what to do, how to fit the inserts, and whether should I and could I actually go for the coveted pear green A5 Malden Filofax. (I think not, I don't really need another binder).

I'll put on some soft, instrumental Jazz, sip my coffee and go back to work. After a bathroom break of course. An a short tour to the kitchen for some mixed nuts (no almonds, macadamias nor pecans!), maybe a kiwi, perhaps some yoghurt, and then back to the couch, the laptop and the ever present, life-infusing coffee.

Life is good.

Planner Thoughts

 

Property of Stormberry

Imagine we are back to these questions. Again. Not that I mind, but after several years of bullet journaling - a system that has worked for me, and which I like and in which I can find my way in - I decided I would like to go back to the regular planner inserts.

In this planner of mine, I have only once used regular inserts. When I first got it - in the end of 2016, so I used it fot 2017 - I ordered the planner with a Month on two Pages extra insert, and I replaced the vertical Week on two Pages it came with with a horizontal Week on two Pages from Saturnus, a brand of planners I found in Budapest, in one of the bookstores I visit (when I'm there). The vertical W2P it came with I gave to my friend Tina, who was the one who convinced me to get myself an A5 Malden.

Since that first time, I did bullet journaling, passing from one type of paper to another, and working on the way I wanted to lay all my spreads out. Going on and on and on, truth is that I ended up drawing all the month in a way that's exactly like a Month on two Pages refill. The daily part does change in size, as some days I have more tasks and others I have less. But then again, sometimes it happens that I have the same tasks, but some days I detail the parts and others I don't. Then it happens that sometimes I feel really like I don't want to do a thing, and so that day doesn't get written in. And then it has happened that I regret it, because later on I need to refer to that day (and I don't journal daily) and so I can't find anything for it.

The thing, though, that has been bugging me the most is the hability to plan ahead and to be able to build on my future plans. Let me explain you how this works for me. In some cases I have tasks and deliverables I know of ahead of time, like tests and papers for my studies. In some cases these can be complex or involve a lot of details. So, for me what I have done in the past was that I wrote the task or delieverable for the due date. That time (or a bit after) I completed my notes with more details. Then, as I've got inspired of heard some tips - or maybe the details of the task changed, I went to the date and added more notes. I didn't have to take care of it every day, I just did it on the days it came to my mind or when I felt like it. And I wouldn't worry, because they day I needed it to pop up, it would, with all the details. That I haven't been able to do with the bullet journal.

For instance, in a regular system, I would write into each day the papers and chapters I need to read for each class. With the bullet journal, I created a segment in my planner for the readings, and I couldn't even write down the papers in the whole detail. I did manage to check each time, and strike them out as I completed them, but it was bothersome. I had to fashion a sort of calendar just for the Uni because it didn't fit in the M2P I keep, and I had no dailies or weeklies in advance for that. It did work mind you, but I keep thinking that I made a whole new section just for this, when I could have had it in my daily or weekly set up, and work it much better.

And so, I've decided to step away from the bullet journal and join back the ranks of the Filofax refills... and all similar refills.

I do have thought of the Day per Page refills, but as reviewed my planner, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to slim my notes and inserts down to zero in order to make it work (specially because I do need my M2P and I need a couple of yearly calendars), so I think I'll go back to the Week on two Pages. The question now is, shall I splurge and buy myself a pretty, pear green A5 Malden or shall I just stay in my old one? And if I stay in the old one, shall I give the vertical W2P a try or shall I go with the good and trusty horizontal?

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Chill Morning

Property of Stormberry

The weekend is finally here, and this is one of those where I can find myself a little oasis of peace and rest. I'm done with a paper I had to write (only have to finish the slideshow to present it), the proposal for my thesis (and still have to do the slideshow), and have finished also the "assignment from hell", though I still have to do the final paper for the Innovation micro-evidence Seminar. But I still have the next week for that, so I can take today to rest a little and be happy and do as I please.

Last night I fed the cats out and left them out, so when I woke up in the morning, nobody was pushing and scratching the door of my bedroom. I woke up early, but still later than I usually do, and it felt good to stay longer in bed, and take my time for my morning rituals.I have a set way to do things, such as waking up, making my bed, going to the bathroom, take my weight, spash water on my face, water the bamboo if it's bamboo-watering-day (every other day), clean out the cats' litter, fill my bottle of water, drink a glass of orange juice and then I go over to my parents' house to use the elliptic machine. Then I go back home, feed the cats, sweep the floor of the groundfloor, and finish my morning exercises with whatever plan I have downloaded.

I had been walking in the morning with my sister-in-law, but last week I started feeling a sort of pain in my ankle, so I had to stop and go back to the elliptic machine. I suspect it might be because when I went to get my COVID-19 shot, I stood in line for six hours, and then I kept doing these walks, so probably I strained and splinted my ankle. The first week I was carefull, wrapped my ankle, but as soon as I felt the pain had diminished, I went again walking and I was back at hurting my ankle. So this week I've been really careful, working from the sofa, resting my ankle and all that.

Property of Sormberry

I guess this change is also what gave me pause and space to do the things I needed to do, and do them calmly. I paced myself, gave myself more space for thinking, reading, and doing chores, tasks and work more calmly. And I did well.

Now, here I am, my ankle still bothers me a little, so I don't strain myself, I rest. And this is how I woke up, thinking about taking it easy. I did my usual ritual, and as I was preparing for breakfast, I decided not to have the quick, store-bought orange+carrot juice, but rather make my own of pineapple, celery, cucumber and ginger. This is a recipe I've got from my nutritionist, a green blend, and it helps boost your metabolism. My breakfast was simple, as usual, but utterly delicious. Boy, I love breakfasts!

I took my time, and decided to snap some pictures to share, about how my breakfast preparing looks like. The line up of the coffee and tea brews (I have green tea and a mug of black coffee every morning, because gree tea is great after meals, and black coffee replenished my spirit with greatness). Without much of a plan, then and there I decided I would blog. Blog about giving yourself a day off, a lazy day, a soft day, a slow day. Blog about the right you have to arrange your time as you see fit, that it's not a matter of "giving yourself permission" or "obtaining permission" to let go, but to break the cycle of guilt and say to yourself: "I need no permission, I am the commander of my own life and I dictate my own rules".

If you feel like you need to give yourself permission, why is that? Have you imposed such straining rules on yourself that you need a break from them in order to breathe? Break those rules. Don't be your own tyrant. Listen to yourself, fix your rules as you bump into them. Make decisions. Hell! Have a fucking self-parliament and a self-congress! Even if it takes you longer to get a better grip on your life, takes you longer to make decisions, and it might end up with you taking stupid decisions, at least you are happy. At least you are not strangling yourself. And if the need arises, just make an executive decision, rule some things by decree. 

You can do it, and I am sure you can do it even better than many governments do.

Today I have a National-Self-Holiday. It's Do-Nothing-Day. And it's AWESOME!

Context

Property of Stormberry.

 LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT: only after I posted I realized I had already written about this "making love" vs "fucking" exchange. I'm not rewriting the post, but consider this an extention on my thoughts on the matter. A little bit more... processed thanks to the weeks that have passed since. Clearly, it made an impression on me.

For a few weeks now my life has gone back to the usual - or sort of the usual - way, at least regarding my sexual life. My friend has gone now, and by being far away, the chance to exchage a few texts and reserve a room at our signature hotel spend the night together having sex is gone as well. Of course I'm going through those days where I miss our encounters, and my friend in general, and the bits and pieces of our interactions pop up in my head and linger for a while.

One of the thoughts that came to my head was about the words and expressions used to refer to sex.

The first time we had sex, my friend refered to the activity as "making love", which I found strange, since we had agreed that this was a no-strings-attached kind of liaison. From then on, my friend used a small sort of euphemisms, but the direct words they used was "fuck". I didn't make any mention on their new word selection, but it gave me food for thought.

When I reference having sex, I call it "having sex", which for me it's a rather neutral, unemotional expression for an activity that should be about pleasure, and which I have practiced for many years now for that exact reason. I seek pleasure in sex, both mine and that of my partner. However, I am aware of the fact that sex tends to be heavily tinted with all sorts of emotions and expectations that may not have anything to do with sex itself. In our society, sex is not "for pleasure" plainly, but it carries a whole bundle of heavy tags and expectations. Sex can soil you if it fails to tie you down. It can brand you if you exercise it with the wrong people and it may even taint you if you practice it in unapproved ways, if you make or demand certain concessions. Depending on your gender, it can cheapen you or increase your value.

As such, sex is heavy with context, and this is the context I discovered in the words chosen by my friend. If it wasn't a delicate, elevating, "respectful", romantic act - such as making love -, it had to be a dirty, degrading, basic act, such as fuck. Are those the only ways most people see sex as? And it's not like fucking is bad - well done is really pleasurable ;) - nor does it mean that my friend thinks this way - they may not feel like using the expression "have sex" or maybe are not even giving a negative subtext to "fuck". However, as you insert the words in the social context, neither "making love" nor "fucking" are free of subtext. Not yet, in anyway. And though we may not think of the words we are using, and we speak those we hear around us, without delving into the origins and the social connotation of them, they are there, and deep down they carry on a lot of weight.

We say more with our words than we imagine we do. Our words carry not only our message, but also the thoughts and the context printed on them by the culture we are immersed in.

Relationships

Property of Stormberry

First of all, Blessed Litha! Another Litha celebrated in the mids of the Pandemic, but we can still find reasons to celebrate, if we so wish. In spite of what goes on with the humans inhabiting Mother Earth, the planet turns and the celestial bodies sail on, go on retrograde and pulse on the deep skies, bringing the longest day of the year. Our work is both internal and external, we still work hard, even if we don't do it as before. Our activites have changed, but they demand the same effort from us, and this we can celebrate today.

Also, in the mids of this pandemic, I wonder if people are keeping their Quarantine Journals, and how those journals may look like. Have they kept them? Have those journals become just journals, inadvertently recording the process of human adaptation, from one world obssessed with traveling and out-of-home, social gatherings and picking locations of all types for the perfect Instagram/Tumblr/Pinterest pictures, to another masked up and full of new expectations and concerns?

My own journal had a page, an entry marking the beginig for me, of this new reality, but other that that, it's filled with the same sort of entries: thoughts, gossip, venting. My daily moves have changed, but the person I am have not.

Property of Stormberry

The seasons keep turning, we are adapating, we are getting he hang of this life with more cleanliness - which is always a good thing -, more physical distance and an ample range to discover new ways to show affection. This is becoming also a world and a time where physical intimacy holds a deeper meaning because of the risks associated and the care one must practice.

In my previous post I wrote about a date I had. My first date or "going out" with a friend I have had since the pandemic has began. This date of sorts have evolved, and we have been meeting for casual sex, though not as often or as regularly as the "have been meeting" might suggest. We have talked and decided we want to sleep together one day, and so we booked a room at a nice hotel, met there, had sex, spend the night and then each has gone on their merry way. And then again, last night, though this time my companion couldn't stay the night.

And so, when I was alone in the room, it felt like a stolen moment from the days before the pandemic, when I traveled and stayed in hotel rooms alone, and enjoyed that wonderful solitude and the limitless freedom it grants on you.

We talked before he had to go, and at one point he said he would not hide "what we have" if he was asked, and that got me thinking. What we have? And what do we have? I had not stopped to consider it. I had to ask him what he meant by that, "what we have". He said we were friends with benefits, and it stroke me that he might be right, but I never really stopped to think about that, and maybe realize that I am, inadvertently, entering a sort of relationship. Yes, I guess we are friends, and we have a lot of things in common, and sex is good, but just because we share sex together on a very random, casual manner, does that stamp a new name, a new label on our friendship?

I wish sex could be seen like sharing coffee with friends, or books, or music, and so friends who sleep together, because they enjoy it, could simply keep unlaterated the tag of friends without having to add words that let others know they also have sex.

There are things about this too. Now our friendship is part of his "love life", and I wasn't even considering him or our encounters as part of my love life. The first day he refered to us having sex as making love, and I also found that not only outdated (in my mind you don't "make love", love needs no making, but also, I don't like mixing sex and love, as love is an emotion that can permeat everything you do, and sex is an activity like eating, walking or spending time with someone), but also weird. Why "make love"? Now he simply says "fuck". I find it interesting that he doesn't say "have sex", which is more neutral, and yet chooses words or expressions that charge sex with a social or emotional connotation. He qualifies the sex between us, and with it, his mind expands and he qualifies the rapport between us, labels it, boxes it and so the thought in his mind arises about whether do admit or deny what happens between us, while in my head there is nothing to admit or deny, simply a connection that pertains only him and me, and nobody needs to know about it.

So I wonder if it could be the effect of the Pandemic, filling casual contact with more intimacy, deeper meaning than what it had previously, or whether we are still exactly the same, we still related to each other the same way, and only the logictics have varied.

Masked Date

From tripadvisor

One could think that going on a date with a mask on is a rather kinky thing. Or one would have thought so in the days before 2020, when the normal and expected thing was to go on a date, but without a mask, and today the risky thing is to go out to meet people outside your social bubble, and boy, that mask must stay firmly on.

I went out with a classmate from the Master's Program I'm attending. I have seen him many times through video, in out classes, and only when he turns his camera on. We have flirted here and there, and have some interesting common grounds, like we both learned German and French, and both of us enjoy classical music. He plays the piano and I want to get back to it, even though I'm awfully out of practice.

We have both a taste for the "different", regarding the usual hobbies and tastes of the culture we live in. He does horse riding, and is taking classes - something I would love to do - and I do archery, something he's interested in. (And he has an compound bow, which is cool, but I'm more of a recuve kind of shooter). We talked long and kissed a bit -  I can say we both really, really wanted it for many months now - but agreed to keep on as always, no strings attached, no commitments, no nothing.

Things are just floating in the air, made of ether and thinning with every breath we take, solidfying only in the shape of memories, in the taste of distant music and dissolving away, slowly vanishing like a cloud that existed only by a fleeting moment, in an ever changing shape, that will dissolve and the transparent matter of it with disperse and join other molecules to form or not other millions of clouds, never to be reunited again, never to take again that same shape, captured only in the degrading recolection of eyes that shall also dissolve into the dark embrace of the earth.

Need to return to the Office?

 

Property of Stormberry

In an opinion article in the Washington Post, I read today how a CEO was explaining why returning to the office - when possible, I guess - was better than remaining working from home. The author explained how younger people prefer working from the office instead of doing it from home, since they usually live with parents and so it's not ideal (or something on that line), while, older workers perfer to work from home because they hae their own homes and are more cozy there. Those were not the exact words, but kind of the idea of it.

There are also, other positives added to working at the office that you can't replicate when you work from home, such as talking in person, forming a relationship with you coworkers by daily working around them, mentoring, new workers learning from the old ones, celebrating birthdays and so on.

I've been working from home for a year now - actually more than a year - and in my opinion, those are not things I necessarily miss. For me, office birthdays have always been a struggle because  it's uncomfortable to stand around, with a hand full of greasy cake on a thin napkin, sing and pretend to get along with everybody like we are all such a great team, when that's not so with all of them. I have been lucky to have great coworkers, but still, in the greater groups - those that meet for birthdays, there are always cliques.

At the office, for a while now, we had been celebrating birthdays separated from the rest, because my team likes to do things "our own way". That means, more expensive. So yes, a year with no $50 to $100 birthday bills every two months is something I can live without.

We still do mentoring, so I don't think that's something that needs you to be there, and with the different platforms that allow you to share your screen, I think mentoring has become much easier than before, when the mentoree had to peer over your shoulder.

Interruptions are also far less frequent, and it's easier to find people at their desks, unlike in the office-days, when someone could have gone for coffee and stayed talking with others while you really needed to talk to them for an urgent matter and nobody knows where they are. This also means - in my experience - that people shirk from work less.

A major plus for me about the work-from-home is the drop in office gossip, or at least in the effect it has on your mental health. People is no longer dropping by, or listening behind the boss' door, and there are no more mean comments about how you look or how you are repeating your wardrobe every two weeks.

Then, the biggest plus, from my perspective, is the significant drop in certain types of harrassment. Though mobbing manages to survive, and it can get really pervasive (though the electronical media allows you to record it better, and it's not just something said in the air that nobody can prove), the sexual harrassment has dropped (at least where I work), because people can't sit too close to you, touch you, push their way into your cubicle and not leave, wait for you around the elevators or the bathrooms, and so on. Other types of harrassment - for which I don't have the words - like those people pushing to be friends with you, or those who push and push for you to listen to their whatever sad stories because they want you to give them money or so... those have dropped as well.

Now, I say "dropped" not as in based in statistical studies, but from what I have experienced and what some of my colleagues tell me.

Yes, I understand there are things that can only happen when you work in an office, just as there are things that can be achieved or obtained only if you work from home. It's an exchange.

In the opinion article, the author brings as example the case of a young worker they know personally, who choose a work were they went to the office instead of a work-from-home option. Then, this is a personal choice matter, assuming there were no other matters that weighted into this decision. However, I believe that this global pandemic has also brought a wave of change about how we live. Will we go back to our office towers or not, or whether we will find a new ways to work is yet to be determined. Lamenting for the missed office birthdays is weird, when you think about the social distancing, face masks might not be a reason to work back to the office.

Change is comming, and it's better to start preparing so we can do the best of it.