Broken Trust

Trust is a very fragile commodity, which once it's lost, it can never be recovered again. Even when it might be repaired through a lot of work and dedication, the cracks remain and - in the best of cases - it won't be the same as it was before it suffered damage.

Recently I had a fallout with an acquintance I used to care for dearly. Last year, as the health crisis affected many around the world, this person lost their job. They are a physician, so some weeks after losing their previous job, they found a new one at a State hospital, which is a magnificent opportunity for any physician. They were there for a few weeks and then sent me a message asking me for money for some tests, so they could keep their job. It was a requirement from the hospital. The test were expensive (they said), and their family had helped them get most of the money, except the last, like US$100. I asked them why did they had to pay when the hospital was supposed to give them the test, and they said that the hospital itself was very slow and HHRR only have them a few days to get the test.

I thought it was maybe because of the pandemic, and though it was stupid and the hospital couldn't afford to lose able, trained physicians, I didn't doubt my friend and gave them the money. They promised me to give it back with their first check. First thing they would pay out, they promised.

That was in July of last year.

They kept working, and then started posting pictures of the books and stuff they bought for themselves on their social media, and I've got annoyed. I had planned on refusing to take their money when they would give it back, but as they didn't and instead let the months go by without a word, I grew disappointed. At one point I mentioned it to some friends, and thanks goodness I did. Little after one of them told me that this person had sent them a message about some terrible family tragedy related to money, and asked them to lend them money. They were doing the same thing again!

I took to messaging and wrote to all my friends to ask them to please not to lend this person money. When they asked me why, I explained them my case. This way I also realized that this person also asked other people for money for this tests they told me their family had gathered the money and needed only as much as I gave them. And this person also went asking others for money for this family tragedy.

I wrote this person and asked them to pay me back. They claimed to be so ashamed, but had this family tragedy and so on and on. (No mention of all those months when they could have honored their word, mind you).

In the end, I came out with my story with all of my group of friends, as a way to protect them from this person's schemes - as I also learned that the State had actually suspended those tests because they needed the physicians - and also confronted this person privately. I told them I knew it was all a lie, and I just hoped they sought help. This person got worked up and reacted angrily.

I talked the issue with my friends, and they said probably this person has an addiction issue. I wouldn't go as far, but I do guess they have issues, if they go around asking money from others and avoiding to pay it back, and that they resource to pity to get the money, and promises they have no intention to keep.

Some people told me, what would I do if this person showed me proof that the tests were real. (This person sent me a photo of a printed paper were the tests were requested). The issue isn't "just" whether the tests are real. The issue is the whole package of going to several people with the same story, and asking money over and over, never giving back the money, the cavalier attitude of showing off purchases after promising to pay back the lent money with their first paycheck, and going at the same tactic again.

What would a paper prove? If the tests are real and the family tragedy is real, how does that make it right that they have milked their friends for money? Now what proof do we have that they actually used to money to pay for those tests and help with that tragedy? How do we know if they really needed it? And even if they did need it for that, what paper can account for the fact that they never bothered paying the debts back?

The lesson here, children, is the following: don't let yourself be gaslighted, dissuaded from your point and your right to be angry because the offender explains of half-explains a part of your griefs.

Proofs can be forged, excuses can be made, but broken trust can never be made whole again.