Petty Issues

January is usually a month of frugality for many. After receiving (in Costa Rica) an extra month's salary, and spending a lot on presents, office parties, family parties and what nots, many people actually end up either on a quite tight budget, or carrying more debt on their shoulders. Be it as it may, the end result is seen at the office during lunch, when the dinner is filled to capacity and the lines at the microwave ovens are endless. Indeed the number of lunchboxes have grown exponentially, compared with other months, as people now carry their food from home rather than buying anything.

Today I went to have lunch at 13:00 h, which is a bit early compared with my favored 14:00 h when normally the place is deserted. After having spent a great deal of my morning chatting with one of my coworkers about Scrouge and his issues (Scrouge was talking laudly on the phone all day about moving to a smaller house, because he doesn't mind living in a hut as long as he has the basics, then about lending people money at a 4% rate, and assuring that someone to whom he lended money was now talking to him through his assistent - assistent of the other person, Scrouge has no assistent - but that "he's going to pay, I don't worry" and then all that about his wife and yadda-yadda), and how he's so petty and lame he actually gets offended when you don't stop your life to serve his, here I was, with my Japanese lunch box filled with delicious Hungarian food, waiting for the microwave, when the woman before - who crammed three containers for five minutes in the microwave, was actually going to give space to a friend of her who was waiting on another line. Rude, considering there's a freaking lot of people waiting in line, and she was already at the microwave. However, passed the 5 minutes, she touches the containers and deem them to be "cold". Fucking shit, how cold can it be after 5 minutes?? 2 more seconds and the plastic of the containers would melt into the food!

I was about to tell her to just let me put my lunch one minute on the microwave, then she can go back again at her containers, when - leaving the door of the microwave open and the containers in - she took off without saying a word. I waited a little and was about to pull her containers out of the microwave when she appeared tailing a guy... who was the owner of the containers. He deemed them hot enough, packed them and left. She then moved with her friend to the other line, where her friend was already packing the microwave to capacity, and crammed her own containers in too.

Upset? Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't be in my place. It's a matter of consideration, which people seldom exercise and we all hate. What's on your mind when you leave your food in the microwave - AT THE OFFICE - and just wander off, and walk back when you remember you actually were heating your lunch? What the fuck is on your mind when you set the microwave to 5 minutes only to stop it a minute after because that's all you need to heat it? What the fuck is on your mind when you heat fish in spite of the clear sign saying "DO NOT HEAT FISH IN HERE BECAUSE IT STINKS"? What are you thinking when your food spills out of the container and leaves the microwave a mess? I wonder, do you have problems separating HOME from OFFICE or is just that at home you are taught to be a rude pig?

Sadly, like Scrouge, there's one too many people in this planet who walk around with no consideration towards others. They do not think of the uncomfortable situation they put others by imposing, by going to someone they are not really friends with, and ask them to give them some of their food. They don't consider that others also want to use the bathroom/microwave/teller machine/vending machine but rather hog on them like they were at their own house and the rest of the planet were invisible. Thing is that whether we like it or not, we live in a society, and as part of it, we must adapt. This doesn't mean to sell our souls and abjectly abide to every single demand, but it means that there's other people out there and we should behave in a manner that's polite and consider them too, just as we want to be considered. It means that you are not entitled to abuse of the kindness or politeness of others because "if it really bothers them they'll say so" or because "I have the right to do it".

Yes, these are petty issues, but no matter how small, and how no war can actually spun out of it, it's most unpleasant. One thing is that, ok, they don't have any respect for themselves - as someone who disrespects others often don't respect themselves either - but why do the rest of the planet has to suffer their personal issues?

When faced with people like this, suddenly the signs of attention to manners or polite behavior make sense. Yes, give your seat to the elderly, the pregnant or the people with special habilities. Now, can we get one for the office that says: "consider your coworkers and use the microwave to heat your own food. Maximum use: 4 minutes" or "if you are heating your food stay here and remove it once it's heated, otherwise you'll find it in the trash".

Things Are Not What You Want Them To Be

I read today in Fire Lyte's blog, Inciting a Riot, about so called "Pagan" movies that ain't Pagan at all. In this post he makes an excellent point out of pointing out that just because there are pagan elements in a movie, that doesn't make it pagan. Some of the movies listed by him - allegedly Pagan, as viewed by some - would have never occured to me as such. Avatar, The Eagle, Agora, Thor... Wonder they haven't included Attila (with Gerard Butler), since there's a witch there helping him and his woman around, and praying to the ancient gods, or 300 (oracles and all that, and also with Gerard Butler), or let's get down and dirty and claim Spartacus: Blood and Sand as well as Spartacus: Gods of the Arena! Like Fire Lyte said, yes there might be parts that MENTION or hint or passingly refer to something of the sort, or even have elements od it, but that doesn't make it "it".  A movie where there's one gay person doesn't make it a gay movie, even if said person is the main character and it's depicted fucking someone of their same gender. There's gay action, there's a gay main character, but that doesn't make it a gay picture. There's something called "a plot" which is kinda what defines what the picture is about.

Thing is, this attitude isn't only about movies and isn't seen only in the case of Pagan folks. There was also this letter in a column in the Washington Post about this woman asking advise about her boyfriend. Thing wasn't entirely clear at all, but it was as follows: There was this guy  - let's call him Ed - who she had been dating. Let's call her Ally. Ally and Ed knew each other for a while now, and may have dated or been married or lived together in the past. Maybe they were just friends. Either way they are seeing each other now - says Ally.  Ed has an ex, Emily, whom he dated before he went dating Ally now, and he's crazy for Emily. Things go as far as Ed dumping meetings and dates with Ally - whom he's currently banging - so he can go grocery shopping with Emily. Emily needs to eat, Ed is glad to help, Ally wonders 'is this a sign?'.

Worried and confused, Ally writes to the Washington Post asking for advise, because though Ed is uncomfortable with her feelings, goes over a month without calling her and don't mind at all who she is seeing, Ally really wants this thing between them to get more solid and turn into a full fledged relationship. As she explains to the columnist, she suspects it's all Emily's fault. (WP clumnist told her not to be a dumb bitch, go get professional help and yes, get the hint: Ed loves Emily, you are just a hole to keep it warm, but not in such a colorful language as mine ^_^.)

As with the people seeing Thor as an accurate depiction of neo pagan religion (Thor? Really? And are all neo pagan guys looking like Thor? Because if it is so, where do I sign?), Ally's case is another case of kidding yourself and ignoring the plot of things to focus on the tiny, insignificant details to keep deluding yourself to believe what's not real. Like Ally, you can find the battered wife that won't leave her husband but defend it, saying that he loves her, because he eats what she cooks. You find also the ravenous fundamentalist that can't see how anti-Christian their behavior is, but instead claims that they abide to what's commanded in the Bible. Or what about the people that won't stand up to an abusive boss or teacher because even if said boss or teacher is incompetent, they are "above them" and so everything they do is because they are right.

As in the case of Ally, it's common the case of "love delusion". Both in the case of men and women, there's an obsession about someone and the mistaken idea that "they can do something to win their love". If they are more attentive, if they are more permissive, if they buy them more presents, if they treat them more, if they are more romantic, if they are more understanding... A smile, which is only that - a smile - suddenly turns into a sign of hope, if not down right a sign of love. It is not, not even if there's kissing or some sex even, they have not won their love, neither are they in a relationship. But some people take this path, kid themselves and want to believe that they can make it happen, and when it doesn't, it's because someone or something else. The woman that got in the way, the guy with the big wallet that stole her, their family issues, their own family getting in the way... It's never about the fact: that person isn't interested! May enjoy the attention, might like the treats, but they are not even remotely considering a relationship of any sort!

And on a more global level, yes, democracy is great, better than tyranny in any case, but is that what we really have?  Many boast about it, how we are so lucky for living in a democracy and so on, and actually the only thing we see that seems to be democratic are the elections. Sure, there's a parlament or a Senate, but can you do something when a party get's majority and passes whatever law they want? Can you, as voting citizen tell the Government to stop wasting their time and your tax money on pitiful matters and concentrate on what's really important? And even in your everyday life, do you have a say on the prices of the products you purchase? Do you have a say on what products should be made always available to everybody? Do you have a say on which products and/or services should be managed by the Government and given to those who need them? (Like streets, parks, education and health... as it happens in some countries.)

Well, certainly we are not there, and there's more than one wise ass saying that "democracy isn't about that", to which I would say, "is it then only about voting?" Because if I vote, I actually expect something in return. I voting a fucking lot of people to get in the power for a reason, otherwise I would go there myself, give myself a big paycheck, lots of benefits and use the power to suit my own needs. Truth is that - in the case of democracy - we are being told a fairy tale far more fantastic than Harry Potter, where supposedly democracy is the best thing on Earth, the last coke on the desert, and yet what we get isn't great and isn't even democratic, because we are treated like stock, a herd of voters to sway one way or another, requiered every 4 years to cast a vote, and decide who gets the Power, and those who win are not accountable for what they do with it. Does that sound like something great or does it sound like we've been sold a lemon?

But hold on your horses, I won't get in depth there, so you can mull on the topic, and the more you think about it, yes, that Democracy Movie ain't shit like the democracy we are given day by day. However democracy isn't the only thing where the reality isn't like the picture, and where were are being tricked into believing that what we want to believe is what it is, even though the reality is nothing like it. How about religion? And how about the church?

Oh, church is good and nice and a place where you go to replenish your soul with the serenity and the peace of The Divine.  Or is not? How many sheppards, priests and preachers do you find that make a cult about themselves. Oh yes, they are "but a vehicle of the Divine", but sure they move people and money and all that seems to go to their interests. There's plenty of poor people in the planet, they should could have spend the money better than on expensive cars and jewelry, or real estate investments. And even The Church, so often mingling - by the alleged hand of God - in the matters of other people. They praise the poor and make votes of chastity (that do not seem to exclude raping children or fucking around men and women alike), and poverty (which doesn't seem to collide with their expensive tastes, expensive clothes and fucking expensive churches and houses), but is that what we really see? Is God really going to love you less or hear you less if you don't go to church every sunday and pay them some money? Is God going to hate you for fucking with a condom, or because you try to have children in vitro?

Is God going to hate you because He made you gay? (May God forgive me, but if God did so, He would be quite stupid. Why make something you hate? It's like cooking yourself the dish you like the less... and God's far smarter than any of us!) But let's not stop at that. Is it everybody against you just because you are... of a so called minority, or are you just picking up the bits you can twist into some sort of hurt? Are you really a victim in certain situation, or isn't more case of you posing as a victim because that's the way you want things to be? Are you truly impotent in the situation you are in, or isn't more  a case of you being way too lazy to actually do something to change your circumstances?

So, do we see what we want to see, or are we taking a look at the larger picture? Think about it, measure it and get real.

New Year With (Re)Solutions

New Year parties and all sorts of New Year celebrations are often a moment we take to revise our past year and make resolutions for the next. Not everybody makes the summarizing of the past year - except if they have to give a speech of any sort - and from those who do make resolutions, only a handful keep them. I'm one of the large flock that don't (specially because once the hangover is over, I forget what the hell did I made resolutions about :-P). Then there's people who don't even bother with resolutions and just toss, drink the sparkly and wake up the next day like it is just another day.

Well, we are not accountable to anyone for our resolutions and whether we keep them or not, and if we are not taking them seriously, what's the point in keeping them?

Resolutions are kind of like the Mission and the Vision of companies: they are supposed to have these, and probably a group of business administrators or a hired consulting team could come up with some great sounding Mission and Vision, print it out in cards, banners and calendars, but then what? So you could also write your resolutions down, you could make wallpapers for your computers and many devises to keep them in mind, but if you still don't do a thing about them, what's the point of them?

Like with companies, the resolutions of many people are basically for show off or shallow reasons. "I'll get fit so that my ex sees what's he's /she's missing", "I'll buy myself a newer car", "I'll travel to [insert currently fashionable destination]", "I'll get myself a new boyfriend/girlfriend", "I'll make more friends", "I'll reach 1 million followers in Twitter", "I'll get rich". Not all of these depend on you, so even if you wanted to do something, you can't really do much - you can't work your ass into getting a boyfriend or a girlfriend, as you can't make others fall in love with you, and trust me, going out more or spending more money on clothes, make up, hair and all sorts of personal advertizing don't do the trick. May get you attention, but it's not guaranteed to get you love. Some resolutions are not resolutions, but wishes. In this sense, it's interesting how people resource often to RE-solutions instead of Solutions. It's easier to wish upon a firework-star, bubbly in hand for a situation to go take care of itself, then sitting down to wait when will it happen.

This year I'm using a paper agenda again - a gift from my thesis mate. It's a wonderfully bound book, so of course I'm using it! I'm going old school again! - and there already started jotting down my notes, and also tasks, resolutions, hopes, dreams and loosely sketched plans for the future. There are my resolutions, but also suggestions for Solutions. For example, let's say... that I'm overweight -  or I perceive myself as such, and let's say I'm not suffering from an eating disorder -. So:

Problem: Overweight

Resolution: Lose X pounds in one year/ Get to X weight by December

Solutions: In January I'll start walking more, Next month I'll drink more water, Next month I'll climb stairs...

(Honestly, I couldn't come up with any better example, but the point is that you not only realize something you want to change and make the resolution to change it, but also schedule it in easy steps and accumulate actions, or try out solutions until getting the result you want. Started with the example of smoking but that got messy! Though technically you can decide each month you will smoke 1/12 less than your current amount. I wouldn't know. When I stopped smoking was because my then boyfriend was smoking my cigs, so it was a matter of expenses versus profit. I'm an economist, so what do you expect?)

So this 2012, are you staying with the Resolutions or will you strip the "re" and come up the rest of the year with the Solutions? ^_^

Welcome to the End of The World - Been There, Done That

Salaam alaikum and Blessed Be, my dear readers! This year started to me as many others before: celebrating the New Year abroad. Ok, ok, maybe Hungary shouldn't count for me as "abroad", BUT, as I've had had my New Year in Paris, my New Year in Sofia, this year the New Year came at the Caribbean shores of Santo Domingo, the capital city of Dominican Republic. This time around it was my boyfriend flying all the way from Hungary to Costa Rica for the end of the year, and not the other way around, for reasons well known for those who need to know them. 

We talked about going to Dominican Republic in spring, but ended up going to Panama City due to lack of proper organizing. This time around, however, with much more time to do the planning - which is the key to everything - we made it to this lovely island, where we enjoyed the Caribbean culture and history. Yes, there were strange and odd things, like the tourist harrasing people at any step of the way, I wrote about in the last post of 2011, however all in all - particularly after taking a walk down Calle Conde - it was wonderful. I wouldn't say it was "magical", because there was so much earthy, human quality in it, that all supernatural forces were erased. Even the shores and the waves seemed like part of the effort of a nation that does know how to work it, but also know how to take it easy, not rush it, but live it.

Part of a trip - at least for me - includes the mandatory cruising of the tax and duty free stores at the airport, where I usually stock up with magazines and candy. My selection this time around included the december number of Latina - a magazine I haven't seen before, as I noted in the last post -, Vogue, Vanity Fair and The Economist. Normally I would go searching for Marie Claire, which had been my favorite magazine for ages, but as things have come by, this magazine has changed going from a smart, women's issues focused magazine to yet another shopping catalogue, with all traces of brain neatly supressed. It does upset me how the roaring "buy more, think less" wave expands to more and more newspapers and magazines, making it harder each time to actually find an article that can absorb you mentally, show you something you didn't know about, educate you, fill your braincells with useful, interesting information, and challenge you. 

After Marie Claire's plunging in quality, bigger concern with adds and pictures of clothes and accessories you don't really need, and lesser with showing the world of women around the planet, how can we otherwise get to know about them? What other way do we have to get informed from a different point of view? Which other source do we have to get glimpses of the history and the present of women all over the world? Yes, snipets can be found, but magazines are far more concerned with rags that won't last three months than the stories behind human trafficking, or efforts towards breaking new and more areas in women's labor fields. Glossy paper has become all about the superfluous and stupid, taking away any trace of thought, any trace of awareness, if not sponsored by a company or a group of them on a trendy topic, such as "Breast Cancer", or any other thing that doesn't challenge society or economical order. Anything to make you spend.

From the batch I purchased, gladly Vanity Fair kept up to the standard I set, though more leaning on the political matter, rather than foccused on the women's issues, even though this last issue had no other than Lady Gaga on the cover. I keep blinking in disbelieve how such an ugly, outrageous person can be so celebrated. Other than that, holding in my head a piece written by Joseph Stiglitz is delightful. However, before I even got around to Vanity Fair, I checked out the overly popularized and commented Vogue magazine. The magazine is an icon in fashion - as many know so - has been subject of songs, movies, books, documentries, and their Editor in Chief, Anna Wintour, quite known and celebrated. The magazine and Ms. Wintour have been also the underlying subject of the book and movie "The Devil Wears Prada" (a great movie, a terrible book, written by a disgraceful, untalented Lauren Weisberger). The magazine is certainly a stack of paper about fashion, with not much thought about any other issues - as I would have expected it to - so in that sense it came way under my expectations. Sure, "Vogue" isn't "Runway", but from no socially striking articles to no-brain articles there's quite a gap, and one that this famed magazine does not manage well at all. As you page through it, you can't see any of the "elitist" style oozing from it that the critics talk about - unless you call Kardashian-like no-brains-only-money style - but the kind of audience it seems to carter for is one you really, really don't want to belong to, specially if you have a university degree and believe in real hard work (not the maniac straining yourself for intrascendental things the magazine calls "hard work"). How can you monthly spend time reading pages that suggest you to dress like a clown, fast yourself into a toothpick and spend regardless of whether you have money or not, because "the trend" says so?

It was still interesting to see Meryl Streep on the cover, so I had to read the article on her to see if there was any mention at all about the afore mentioned movie, where she played Miranda Priestly, the homologue of Anna Wintour. Well, it made me smirk how evidently the sting of the book and the movie hasn't been overcome, as the praising of the actress was all over the place, and the moving was mentioned only passingly, in the middle of a list of other movies. It seems that "the cool people" can't put themselves past the booklet a mediocre writer wannabe composes, and keep the grudge until the end of days. Then again, who are we calling a mediocre writer, when Ms. Wintour's editorial is flat and the rest of the "articles" are blah, abundant in a language that seeks to detail luxury and a sense of grandeur, but that never get's to the nerve of things. It's all on the brands, and the mixes of humble attitude with knowing what's trendy and luxurious, but with not a word thrusting deeper into the vein, going to what's aside from the brand and the fresh oysters and "working hard".

Work hard, work hard... a phrase used up and down to describe successful people who have lots of money and still don't hit the bed before 4 am, are up in 4 hours and do this "work" thing constantly. Yeah, yeah, yeah... so, now tell me what's that "work" about. Is about organizing foundraisers and trips to bring aid packages to depressed areas, or is it sticking your nose to your computer trying to find a way to get millions of American workers to get rid of their debts, or how to create the missing 4 million jobs and make sure they stay? Is it hard work proselitizing for a candidate or a party, maybe a bill about tax cuts, or is it about waking up at 3 am to work on the fields? Or maybe it's hard work to be up until late trying to decide which picture would look better as the cover of your shallow, no-brain magazine?

So yes, there were no articles, so I paged through the magazine looking at the latest trends, what's to come and realizing once again that fashion lately has nothing that could or would hold my interest. There was then a piece (I can't call it an article) about the tendencies and how - unlike with previous times of economical crisis - the tendency isn't towards minimalism (which I like), but towards overaccesorizing. Necklaces and bracelets measured in pounds, not in units, and chandelier earrings. The lines to introduce the tendency were rather insulting, from the social and economical proint of view, basically saying "you can face the times of crisis with frugality and saving, bracing for the hard time, or you can give it the finger and put on every luxury item you can get". Okay, so we are living hard times, millions of jobs have been suppressed in the States, people have been unemployed for years, and their proposal is "overaccesorize and give the crisis the finger". The excuse to do this? "Because youth is doing it and many of them are unemployed and have no money". Oh really, so here we are, adults, trying to get a job or hang into the one we have, with bills and responsabilities to face, realizing that living on a credit card isn't doable anymore, and we need to cut the unnecesary expenses, save some so the next time the economy fucks it up we don't get it up the ass, and here comes a fancy little magazine telling you to fuck the crisis, let's go bolder and still pretend we can max our credit cards and everything will be dandy. Where are we heading to? (In Vanity Fair, meanwhile, Kurt Andersen writes about how it seems that style has remained stagnating the last 20 years, with much of the same when comparing 1992 and 2012, so that makes you think where all this "we like" and "we think" you see in these magazines actually get anywhere in a society quite depleted of resources, with trend gurus that can't get over themselves, but continue to push their own, little, outdated agenda everywhere.)

The way I see it, we are heading towards the absolute stupidization of the population, but not as part as some conspiracy, but also because of ourselves. If the magazines and newspapers dish us day after day articles and pieces of the lowest quality - and that can be seen in the very grammar and composing of many of the articles, where you would expect at least some average manage of the language - in every sense of the word. Shallow articles that not only don't grasp the surface of the matter, working the topic more as if it where a trailer of a topic rather than an article about it, but also because many of the subjects picked are not really that important. What would be more relevant, Demi Lovato's disorders or the levels of poverty reached by many countries, and what that slide down the socio-economical ladder entail? If you ask the magazines and the newspapers, Demi Lovato's issues, no question about it!

Yes, they are consistently working on making us stupid, but what are we doing about it? We keep buying their issues, we keep reading their shit, we don't demand for anything that isn't directly supplied to us. We don't demand, we take. So, demand. Demand! Don't buy the crap, but be clinical, and if you are bored, find new sources, but don't give them your money, nor be an instrument for them to get money out of you and your data for things you don't really want. We complain a lot about quality, but what are we doing to make them improve it? What are we really doing? Me, I'm doing something: Marie Claire is striked from my list, and so is Vogue now. Now it's up to you.

Vacations at the "La Española" Island

This reservation certainly wasn't like any other I've ever done at any other place. Booking.com should, perhaps, be a bit more clear about things... or should the hotels? Well, as you might guess, a non-really-geeky person like me, needs, NEEDS! her daily fix of internet connection in any shape of form available, so it is a mandatory requierment for any, ANY reservation I make, that the hotel has wi-fi or any other form of internet available, preferably one where I don't have to wait for some sweaty ass tourist (even though I'm a tourist myself), to detach their fat asses from in front of the communal internet, which usually has a large screen and everybody waiting can see what you are doing on-line. Not like I do any unseeming stuff (except when I scout yaoi mangas, which I have been doing quite often recently), but still. There's an option for that, which Booking already clicks for me "wi-fi", so when I did the reservation for the hotel, I was under the naive impression that I could come up to the room, log in and tweet to all my friends and followers that I'm nice and fine and made it to the hotel just dandy. You know, the regular stuff you do within 140 characters on Twitter.

It wasn't so. I do got informed of this after the reservation but before the trip, however I was told that wi-fi was freely available at the common areas. Oh well, we might manage, all I need is Internet and get online to breath my daily dose of Mb. However as we actually arrived to the hotel, what would you know, but you can't actually get any Internet if you don't pay for it! US$6 for 24 hours. Ok, ok, it's not so. Once you can link up on the bar for 10 minutes without paying. Dude, really, what the fuck can you do in 10 minutes on the net? Check on the news? Google something? My Kindle wouldn't even be able to download a sample from the lastest book samples I've requested! (Which do not take 60 seconds to download, btw...) So, really, 10 minutes? If you wonder what sort of cheap ass motel are we at, no, we are not. We actually have reservations at a big chain hotel, which is why this whole picking and pulling with the tourist is so offsetting for me. But I shall not complain, I've my internet, right? Already reported to Twitter and Facebook, like any dutiful little cybernaut, and now I'm merrily blogging my head away while my sweet boyfriend sleeps.

The city so far has been... interesting. It is certainly upsetting the amount of people outside the hotel harrassing you into shoe polishing (Dude, I'm wearing linen shoes! What do you want to polish on them! my boyfriend also had some unpolishable shoes...), and guided tours on horse pulled charriots... and when the "no thank you" isn't enough -  in Spanish, so that they see this is another Latin American fellow they are harrassing - comes the "I need to eat" line. Dude, me too! We don't have a DIME on their currency... or any currency other than Costa Rican colones, which we need, thank you very much. So, what do you want? They are rather unbeatable, and I honestly sulk that my boyfriend isn't a little darker in complexion and less... European looking. That was unpleasant. It was also quite unpleasant to notice the whole seashore littered. Dude, people come here for the beaches, so even if you can't swim in these particular shore, you should make sure there aren't banks of garbage floating on the water, and all sorts of stuff lying around the shore.

Historically speaking - and my history knowledge is very unreliable! - this was the Island to which Christopher Columbus arrived in his first trip, believing he had arrived to India. How far he was from the truth! The island was first called San Salvador (Saint Savior), because it appeared on the day the crew was going to dump him in the water and turn back. Later on it was called "La Española", meaning "The Spanish (woman)". The local natives, the "tahínos", were exterminated, leaving the island with no local people. The current population is also somewhat different from the Latin Americans you can see in other places, as in other countries the mixing of Spanish and Native blood is far more common, as well as mixes of white and black, black and native or all three of them, giving fabulous mixes of caramel skin or olive skin, high cheekbones, large eyes, small noses and abundant, straight, strong, pitch black hair. In here, missing the native component, most locals are rather a black and white mix, with milky caramel skin, curly hair and very prominent black features such as the magnificent cheekbones and expressive faces, and hairier limbs.

We haven't seen much yet, and honestly we have only one full day left - tomorrow - but so far, so interesting. Naturally, and as expected, I've got something pretty. ^_^ Once, in making a research on gems, I cam across a gem known as "larimar", which can be found only in Dominican Republic. Back then the research was tied to Pagan practices, and I taped a list of gems and their magical properties (many of which are often present in folklore, such as stones used for protection and things like that). For this particular stome I don't remember any of the properties, as what caught me was it's uniqueness: a gem that can only be found in one place and one place only in the whole planet: here. Abundant back in the day, though never used before as a gem, it was discovered as so recently  - in 1974 - by a man named Miguel Méndez, who started a local project to use it stone in artisan creations.

In colorings that remind of the sky or the ocean, the larimar (called so in the honor of the founder's daughter, Larisa, and the sea, "mar" in Spanish), is usually blue with white ribbons and splashes that give it often a "sky like" look. Like a sky with clouds. Once here, I also discovered that it can also contain brown (that's like the crust part of the stone), which can give it really interesting shapes and forms. Mine was actually the smallest ring in the store - interesting for my hand isn't so small, and judging by the finger I'm wearing it, this should be at least a 7, and most women I know wear ring sizes 5 and 6, many even 4 - but also one with brown, which not only gives me a wider range to combine the piece, but also rips it from the sky-like look and lends it an ocean floor look. I totally love it. :-D

Well, I should get going, wake up my snoring boyfriend, and though the lunch time is over, maybe do our first "service room" order and fetch some lunch. It is late, for lunch (though I've met people who take lunch well past 6 pm), it was so hot earlier we could hardly think of eating. Yes, that's yet another great thing about this island: I bet in here you drop pounds off your frame like nobody's business! If that's what you are interested in :-D

Oh, one last thing: at the Airport in Costa Rica, I discovered a magazine I've never seen before. It's "Latina", a magazine aimed at the Latin and Latin descendent women living at the States. Guess living in a Latin American country you kinda lose out of sight the issues connected with our etnicity. Then, did you know that the "white-latin" mixes are called "beige". I don't think I like that. That's like being called a "blah" color, when there's nothing "blah" about us. There were quite a few very interesting articles, though when it came to fashion, the proposals were so bold, so sparkly, so flashy and so revealing, I found myself reaching out for comfort into my Hungarian heritage mumbling: "I'm European, I'm European". I'm Latin, only not THAT Latin. I like skirts at knee lenght, clothes that do not try to choke my body and quite muted colors. Still, the finding was interesting.

Blogging starts first with reading my favorite bloggers and secretly yearning for the day I can read them also on my Kindle. Kindle. The word reminds me a story I heard from the Pagan Podcaster Fire Lyte, known by his podcast Inciting a Riot, as well as the podcast he co-hosts with the lovely Velma Nightshade, Inciting a Brewhaha. Fire Lyte said that he read somewhere that in the time of the Holy Inquisition, homosexual people were burned at the pyre with the witches, however that they were used to kindle the fire, not to be burn by themselves, and they tied them in fags, thus the term "fag" to refer to them - in a peyorative manner. Perhaps I'm insensitive - after all I'm heterosexual and Christian - but I keep rolling this idea over and over, trying to figure out the actual content of this information. Can people actually be used to kindle fire? For a pyre? Maybe I need to see to believe, but it does sound a little bit too much of a stretch of reality for me to believe it.

Part of the Holidays are over and only the last one remains, along with just a few days of the year and a few days of my vacations. I yearned for this break - I really did - but as things are, I don't mind getting back to work on Monday. A few days scrapped up for mandatory rest, and now that I'm not spending every single one of them - and others I can add to them - to fly to my beloved, frozen Europe, the days are... not particularly meaningful. Mean thing to say, I know, specially when my boyfriend is here and I don't have to wake up early and every morning we can stretch and roll around between the sheets yawing and enjoying either the iddle laying or the more active kind of pleasure. I have him, here, with me, in my days, so somehow the physical closeness, the physical togetherness isn't something so desperately cherished. Do I get my meaning through?

It's cool, though, to mash together the daily routines, the driving, pulling in more routinely conversations about the color of the kitchen, or how shall we manage with the closet space and what should be the first things that need to be taken care of, and even starting to work a long term plan about saving to get eventually a bigger place in the district I want (I'm so not moving from that subject!), because truth to be told, a small income from the rental could be much appreciated for other plans, and to get an extra margin for little indulgements and luxuries I love so much.

A cycle is slowly coming to an end with the turning fo the wheel of the year. Many things have changed and many cycles have been completed in this time. I've tasted into the waters of religion and phylosophy, and discovered things that tug my mind in directions that arrest my attention easily. I've also realized, after much time, that my writing should be rekindled, that the stories played over and over in my head are not enough, but that my skills should be put to practice, the word exercised and restrenghtened. As I stumbled upon my old writings I stood there paralized, almost scared at the skills I once had - the potential of what I could have achieved - and yet I let it all wilter so easily. It goes also to drawing. Perhaps I should try my hand once again at that, just practice and try to draw the things that have crossed my mind.

Unlike planned, I skipped the celebrating of a Pagan holiday: Yule, but also of a Christian celebration I have never kept so far: Advent. Maybe I'll have more knowledge and pay more attention in th next cycle of my life to keep the markers of these celebrations. I wouldn't make it a New Year's promise, as though I've tried, those bear not much meaning for me, but I'd like to make it a proposal for the new cycle of my life: make this new phase more life-aware, and that's own of the things these celebrations give to it. Of Advent I do not know much - therefore have no idea how to interpret it either  - and of Yule I know it's the day when the Sun is born and the powers of day and night, dark and light are shifted again. The contemplative times are to be slowly set aside, and ease back into the active, working days. From the side of Christianity, with the birth of Jesus, we see the birth of Hope, Faith and Light, and with Yule, we see the preparation towards hard work.

As balance tips again, it becomes time to prepare for the work to come, so kindle the lands back from the iced embroidery of meditation, work it, masage it back to fertility and prepare it, work it, sow it with our effort to see in the months to come, in the stages and seasons of our cycle, our efforts and work to blossom and bloom and ripe to harvest. There is a routine, but not because of that there's no change in it. Not because of that there's stagnation.

Is change needed no matter what, as today's "enterpreneur gurus" want to make us believe? Or is it okay to say "if it ain't broken, don't fix it". Nature certainly doesn't go around reengineering itself time and again, deciding that mammals will not hatch from eggs, and plant will give birth to their sprouts. Apple trees are not requested to produce now both tomatoes and jam, nor cows are expected to produce flavored milk and orange juice.

When is change needed? When does the monkey turns man? When it naturally happens so, but meanwhile, there is change. Nature works constantly in cycles, from birth to death, from the dropping of the leaves and the winter slumber to the lustful blossoming and the pregnant harvest. Follow nature, follow Mother Earth, your very humanity and you shall find out that there's no space for iddle stagnation nor discomfort, unless you are trying to escape from the natural flow and yearn for what's not out there to be taken and transformed. Change that comes with destruction or change that comes with construction? In this new cycle, I wish to open my soul, my skills, my spirit to this meditation, and so, as the Sun has been born, and the Lord has been born, the fruits of meditation, the blueprints of future, shall be worked upon to make them happen, rekindling the warmth to make that generous, giving Mother Earth receptive to our seed.

Happy Holidays!

The end of the year is already a week and a month away. Those who celebrate Advent light today the first light in their Advent Wreath, but also there are other customs and celebrations being displayed. The stores that have been displaying Christmas decoration since August or at least October, push it harder as customers fill their aisles and many temporal helpers and salespeople are hired to face the flood of people spending their hard earned money on things they don't need, and plenty of presents, often for people they don't even like but feel pressed to buy something for.

However, thing is that this time of the year isn't only about Christmas and the Christian celebrations, as it happens that Hanukka is also around these days for the Jewish Faith, and Pagans celebrate Yule. There might be other holidays too - Islam celebrates around these days the Ashura, which isn't a particularly happy holiday - and so for those who are not Christian the overpowering Christmas mood, and the overstated "Merry Christmas" wishing can - after a while - become somewhat offending. Also, there are people with a very aggressive religious stance who get offended if someone wish them anything different than Merry Christmas, or even if they hear other people wishing anything different.

Logically speaking, it's irrational to act like that, but I believe all of us will agree that extremist or fundamentalist people can't be labeled as "rational". I wouldn't mind if a small group of close minded jackasses mumble and frown for themselves if they hear people wishing each other Happy Hanukkah, except that the whole thing is becoming a sort of passive-aggresive bullying, with little space or respect for other religions. Depending on the official religion of a country, or what the accepted majority professes are religion, basically that's the only holiday decoration and motives we can find, unless of course, we go to specialized stores where you can - I don't know - find Yule decoration.

Perhaps we are still far away from the day when all stores will give equal chances to all religions and all holidays, but we shouldn't be so far away from being tolerant and accepting the faith of those around us. Wishing each of us according to our holiday and our faith, or simply "Happy Holidays" can be the first step towards a better understanding.

Thing is that it doesn't make you less in your faith to recognize and accept people of other faiths, nor is your faith so weak - if it is a true faith - to be broken if you partake in the celebration of those whose faith is different than yours. So what do you say? Shall we receive these Holidays in our faith with the determination to open up to others and accept them in their own faith?

A Question of Bra

If you watch those shows about taking some woman who has a poor dressing style and "teaching" her how to dress fashionably and in style, often the most important remark is "choose the underwear that's right for you". This "underwear question" is often directed to the bra, and not as much to the knickers, probably because there's more form fitting in bras than in culottes (or maybe because boobs tend to sag more than buttocks... or Hyne knows...), and either way, with today's tiny thongs what support and molding would it do?

Now the bra question in itself isn't as simple as you would think. It's not like a pair of knickers where you can wear anything size ... M, just to give you an example, but first of all you have to know your size. In theory to do this you must take two measurements:

1. First you measure yourself right under the line of the breast and around your back. (Around where the bra would go.) I'll assume we all use the inch measurement for bras here. (So conversion need to be done in Europe and anywhere where bras don't start at 31, but at 70.) So, you take that measurement and if the number is even you add 4 to it, and if it's odd you add 5. For instance, you are 28 inches around and under the breast. 28+4=32. Also, if you are 31 inches around, you are 31+5=36.

2. Then you measure again around, but this time there where your breast if the fullest. This is usually at the height of the nipples.  Here you take the difference between the first number (with the 4 or the 5 already added!) - known as bra band number - and this number, and so you get your cup size. One inch difference makes you an A, two a B, three a C, four a D and so on.

(More on measurements here.)

However if you've been bra hunting, you know that all that's nice and good, but the world doesn't work like that. Oh no, it doesn't. You can know by measurements that you ARE a 32C, and when you get to the store there's not one freaking 32 C willing to fit you, and instead you end up walking home with a 36B or a 31D or any other oddity. The style, the stitching, the fitting and even the advise from some salesgirls who actually urge you to just "fit them into the cup" isn't much of the help you need either. Not much people tell you either that the cup should hold the WHOLE breast, and that means that the cup should reach quite close to the armpit, otherwise it's uncomfortable, it can look bad (like you have more than two breasts, or like you are fatty, which you are not), not to mention the pain and other unpleasant things that it can  do for you. (I've heard it can provoke all sorts of lumps in your breasts, but I've not hard evidence on this.) So that "grab them and fit them into it" isn't really a smart thing to do.

Bras should go when they are stretched out, have lost their shape or are no longer the right size for you. If you are a flat chested chick like me, you can manage to use sport bras or little fitting tops or even go around comando, but if you are a bit more "generous" neither of these is really an option. (Many flat chested women are already used to this fact and don't mind it, so a sport's bra that usually flattens you even more isn't much of a problem.) Either case, the time might come when you need a more "dressing bra", something a bit more structured, that not only keeps your breasts in place and safe from unpleasant jiggling, but also something that gives you a better shape and allows you to fill your blouses and dresses in a more flattering way. This day is when The Hunt starts.

Unlike with the easy tops and sports bras you can get at your local drugstore or supermarket - often using a simple measure system as S-M-L - the shopping for a real bra undertakes a whole quest that starts at specialized stores, lingerie stores and similars. Here, from the wide arrange of options that go from half cup, full cup, sexy, support oriented and Hyne knows what other options (mainly you go there and see those that go from whore-like sexy to nun-like orthopedic), you must or should have an idea of what you want to get. It's important for all girls and women to remember that the bra is for you, so either you pick the whore or the nun bra, that shouldn't be influenced by your marital status, but only by what you want to wear and what are you comfortable with. Recently I was bra hunting and one of the bras I tried on was a "push-up and show" kind that basically grabbed my small boobies and smashed them together in front of my chest and pulled them up. I bet it's sexy for many and I looked like I had HUGE boobs, but I wasn't comfortable with it. They were unnaturally pulled to the center pointing forward like Aphrodite from Mazinger Z. Probably a dozen women would kill for a bra like that, but I'm not one of them. Some like their breasts to touch and form a line between them, others don't. Some want something pretty to show off with blouses and dresses with clivage, and others want something that fits well a shirt and gives structure to a costume. And so you must put on your comfortable shoes, wear pants or skirt and a comfy blouse or shirt easy to take off and put on, and get lots and lots of patience.

Unless you have a favorite, secret little store that always get you what you desire, The Hunt implies visiting an endless number of stores, trying an even bigger amount of bras in order to find the one or the few ones that are going to fit your needs. Trying on several bras and walk out of the store with none of them is not unheard of, but also it may happen that you visit store after store and you simply don't see a thing that would appeal to you. Or there's also the case when you find something that looks pretty, you would really love it and when you try it out it stands weird on you. This can be one of the worse cases, particularly if you've been already hunting for a good bra for weeks. (This is also why guys have to be so tremendously careful when buying us underwear. It might look like something you would looooove to see on us - only to take it off later, of course - but then it happens that we would like to wear it and the pretty little sexy thing fits us oddly. So, you can buy us underwear, just make sure you can return it and change it in case of need.)

As noted earlier, recently I was on a bra hunt, and to add to all the difficulties proper of this task, I found yet another one: many stores don't work all sizes. And I'm not talking here of the bigger sizes (over D) or smaller sizes (under B), I'm talking about many regular sizes. In this recent hunt I found out that many stores have huge stocks of B cup sized bras with lots of band sizes. Now, you can be a 32C, that the salesgirls will try to talk you into a 34B or 36B. Sure, a B will make you look bigger because your breast won't fit into a smaller cup, so it will swell up all over the place, from the top, from the sides and you'll look like you've overgrown your bra, but in my eyes that doesn't make you look bigger, it makes you look deformed. Smaller cups actually flatten even more your bra and give you that unsightly multi-breasted look you really don't want to have. Or, you'll look fat and flat chested. (Bras supported with wires have the tendency to mark your breast making it look like your breast is only what fits the cup, and the rest is fat.) So, in addition to everything you've already gone through you've also have to start by FINDING your size at the store, and then hopefully find it in the type of bra you want to wear.

Yes, a good bra can make the difference. It can actually make you look slimmer, more proportionated, mark better your waist or even make it look smaller, it can make your clothes look like they were tailored specifically for you, it can make you look groomed and perfect... or it can make you look fat, deformed and tacky. It can make you look like one of the boys or like a goddess, so yes, when the time is right and you feel like it's time to get that bra, and commit to the hunt, you will eventually get That Bra (and you know what I'm talking about. It's the Perfect Bra, the Sexy Bra, the Woman Bra, the Hmmmm Bra), but aside from that, aside from making you look the way you want, it gets more meaning for you, because of - yes - the hunt and the dedication you've put into finding it.

When Life is Rich

There seems to be an idea rolling around among people, that childhood is an extremely happy and sensitive period in one's life, when we still believe in everything, we still believe that everything in the world is possible and fairy tales are an active part of our reality. Then, as we grow up there's nothing but a collection of deceptions and disappointments, facing a dull outlook of life, which has no magic, no wonder, no happiness, no amazement, only duties, bills and troublesome work environments. We are being constantly bombed with this message, about how happy children are, and how wonderful would it be if we could once again walk on the face of the world in wonder. It was particularly disappointing to find such a notation in a book I was recently reading (as a matter of fact, a sample of a book I've downloaded on my Kindle, which I doubt I'll even buy now) as part of this loose little project I have about the series on Religion. Coming from a book about Wicca, I honestly expected a bit more of seriousness, and not what seems to me is an invitation to yearn for the days when we were all ignorant and gullible. The author particularly used the word "rich" to describe the life of children in comparison of that of adults. Honestly, what sort of projection is that? Pushing forward the idea that life goes from good to bad, and that the older we become the duller and darker our life turns? And magic should be about trying to run back to that state of "believe" where believe is to let behind logic and reason and trust like a child in the words of the amazement?

These words are particularly dangerous if they come into the hands of adults who are still gullible, particularly because I believe that adulthood isn't equal to dullness or a life lacking of luster and shine. Perhaps my childhood wasn't a usual one, but for instance I feel I keep the same wonderment, and still believe in pretty much the same things, only now, as a grown woman, I can reach where as I child I couldn't. My scope goes beyond the books my folks keep in their library (which as it is typical of any Hungarian family, isn't a small library), and I've the freedom now to explore far beyond. As a grown woman I've access to other wonderments back then I couldn't even phantom, and add to it, the knowledge I've gathered and continue to gather has allowed me to find bridges among the daily and the exceptional, where "mundane" is the word that would designate the wonders of everyday life, in contrast with other wonders that appear much less periodically.

The main difference between life as a child and life as an adult, is the amount of consequences from your previous actions and decisions you shall live with. Is life richer when you are more dependant on others and can pin your misfortune on your parents, family or guardians? Does it become more dull when you must realize that you are where you are because of the choices you made? As a child, if you live in a poor hut, that's because your folks are poor and can't afford anything else. If as an adult you live in a poor hut, it's because you haven't done what it takes to make it different. As kids we have a potential, as adults we live out of what we've done with that potential.

Magic, ki, prana, energy, life force, God's will... it's a wonderful, powerful, fabulous thing, but it's not something to be attained by denying any part of our lives, or a matter to erase it. Childhood is a phase, and adulthood is another, and whichever is more wonderful depends entirely of what you do with them.

Driving in Costa Rica

Some months ago the Ministry of Public Developments and Transport (MOPT by its initials in Spanish - I used the word "development" to translate the word "obras" which would encompass public road infrastructure development) put in work a few cameras to watch the traffic and fine drivers who drove too fast. The cameras were installed quite ahead of time, and were extensively tested, and then they explained on several media that these cameras would take measure the speed at which the cars drove and issue tickets for those who exceeded the speed limit. People complained some, but then, when the cameras came to work and the first tickets were issued people went in a frenzy claiming all sort of unfair procedures and treatments, from which a "model" claimed that she shouldn't be fined because she works only at nights, doesn't watch TV, wasn't aware of the news, at that hour there were no cars on the road, so she was entitled to drive at +100 kmph on a 60kmph road, and 12 tickets in a week was unseen and she had no money to pay the tickets. Others complained that the amount of the fines wasn't proportional to the average income, and with such amount only the rich could afford a speeding ticket! A lawyer actually had the nerve to claim that the tickets were illegal because they were based on the plate of the car, so you wouldn't know who was driving.

Initially the MOPT held its position, though this was quickly eroding as it was made evident that the only tickets issued were for those who surpassed the speed limit by 20 kmph. (In other words, if you were driving at 80 kmph on a road allowing 60 kmph you are okay, BUT if you drive at 90 kmph on a 60 kmph road you've got yourself a ticket.) The complains continued showering, and people made huge lines to complain in an effort to get their tickets revoked, all of them with arguments that held no water. I mean, if you lend your car to someone - be it friend or family, coworker or someone who lends it from you for money - you are still responsible for your vehicle, and you shall face the damage done with your car. It should be up to you to arrange the matters with whomever was driving your car, not a matter for the Ministry to sort and solve. Then, regulations and laws are made to be kept. So, if there's a sign that says "MAXIMUM SPEED LIMIT 60 KMPH" it means that you are not allowed to go at any speed over that speed. However the Government wa lenient in that and sensing their weakness a population used to breaking traffic laws and invent their own pushed until recently the Ministry danced back and promised to check on the project of the cameras again.

Currently there's a regulation that seeks to reduce traffic at the Capital City, which bans certain plates from entering the Capital City on certain week days. The complaints shower tremendously on this measure, and only a small group of drivers keep it (me among them), with the vast majority still driving their cars on their restriction day, looking for escape routes and alternative alleys when they see a traffic officer. What would have happened if the camera system would have also checked on the plates and issued tickets for the cars that were caught driving on restriction days?

Some smarty-pants talked on the media about the whole system indicating that the new fines in Costa Rica were so disproportionate the same fine was cheaper in Europe (a 5 minute research proved them wrong, yet they still hold their stand), but also complained that it was irrational to demand you to drive at 60 kmph on roads that allowed higher speeds with modern cars that can go faster, claiming that driving at 80 kmph already created a traffic jam, so slow that speed was. This last arguments holds no water either, as I've personally proved that driving at speeds consistently between 40 kmph and 60 kmph allows a nice, fluent traffic and no, people don't honk at you and insult you for going at that speed. However these sort of shameless public declarations sadly put in evidence an undeniable fact about Costa Ricans: they don't know who to drive.

From the habit of paying off the instructors to get the License, to the idea that stunts and hazardous driving are part of good driving, to the idea that fines shall be affordable, it doesn show the need for tough measures, shows that high fines that can't be afforded are in need to keep people from considering breaking the law as their unallienable right, and constant camera surveilance on the roads to keep the Captain Americas fo the road from thinking they have any piece of asphalt at their mercy. Changing lines regardless of the cars behind on the same line, speeding up to cut through two or more lines, rushing into incoming traffic, disrespecting red lights, rushing through yellow lights, getting into the other line with vehicles coming just to pass another car, passing at full speed on the right side... next to a cliff, passing traffic using the shoulder of the route... these are more are among the bravados considered "skills of good driving" and here I haven't even mentioned the crass mistakes like phoning or texting while driving, eating AND texting while driving (that's right! Driving with no hands on the wheel, no eyes on the road), or driving ahead while looking back to attend a child on the backseat.

Yes, 60 kmph on metropolitan roads must be enough. There's no reason to claim the right to rush +100 kmph in a 10 km route that goes in front of a hospital and it's marked over 3 times with signs indicating you that the speed limit is set at 60 kmph, and yet drivers do and are upset when fined for driving at speeds over 80 kmph.

The picture I added to this posts was taken from this site ESTIMATED ROAD TRAFFIC FATAL INJURY DEATH RATE, which you can check to discover a few interesting fact, among them how the countries that some of the "experts" quoted as having "cheaper fines" have half or even a third on fatal traffic accidents per 100K people than Costa Rica, or for instance how Costa Rica has the highest rate of fatal traffic accidents per 100K people in the Continental Central America. (Mexico isn't part of Central America, is part of North America.)

Tough measures are needed, but also a Government with brass balls and iron fist to draft them, pass them, execute them and tell the complainers to fuck it.

Step Up or Suffer It Silently

In the recent days a coworker of mine made a comment abouth another coworker, on the very same line she has done it basically since I know her, that got me thinking again why can't she grow some balls and do something about that. If you recall, I've mentioned before that we have a coworker with a peculiar predilection for leeching upon others, in several ways, from what I've gathered from quite a wide arrange of acquintances. On the personal level, he leeches the most on this coworker of us. For over eight years now he relies on her to get to the office and then back home. Giving rides to coworkers you live nearby and have no car or their vehicle is at the workshop isn't something strange, as many do it. Then, when the carpooling or riding becomes extensive, it is customary for the one getting the ride to offer pinching into the gas for the car, which can be either rejected or accepted by the driver. Normally one would think that there's a sort of friendship between the driver and the rider, when the rides are frequent, so one would assume that she and her freeloader are friends, and thus they act, but through her comments when he's not around or out of the hearshot, say otherwise.

At the begining of the week, the freerider was out of the office and soon she noted how early she arrived at the office, and how that showed that she was getting late on regular basis due to him. Soon she was also complaining that he hasn't given her a dime for gas in the past three weeks, and then today, after she mentioned it, he gave her a US$10. At this point I'm honestly taken aback, as it is unpolite from her to expect a compensation for doing a favor, specially after she has previously stated that she never mentioned anything openly about asking him for money for the rides. I mean, is it a service she shall collect for or is it a favor? Scandalized she noted how she uses to go to her Mother's place from the office to pick up her son (and he rides with her, nontheless), and if her mom invites her for a coffee, he actually complains that he had to wait for her in the car. Add to it, he whines half her lunch every day and got to demand half her breakfast as well, when she went to pick one at the canteen. I know the guy, and ever since he realized I've been driving to the office, he has tried to get me to give him a ride to the office and back on the days our coworkers doesn't come. Aside from two perfunctory courtesy rides (one on each way) - both of which I offered him - I've dodged every other request from his side. (It did upset me once when he carelessly slammed the door without noticing the safety belt got caught and then forced it closed, while it was impossible due to the caught belt buckle. when realizing the mistake, didn't even apologize.)

I know the sort of social leech he is,a s I've encountered many of his kind. People like him care not for the discomfort they provoke, purposefully ignore the indirect requests to stop, but use the same indirect manipulating techniques to continue milking their prey. I've stopped him in his tracks, giving back only for the seldom favors in rides he has given me in the past, but stoopping there, cutting it before it starts, as he actually waits nothing to impose on you, considering one favor as an invitation to regularly get it from the giver. I'm certainly not the only one, as another coworker replaced his car for a motorbike to keep him from asking rides on daily basis to the office.

On top of all that he makes a laughing stock for the office as he brags about his alleged businesses, his three cars, his big house, his alleged skills for commerce and his undying desire to give up his work and dedicate to his own company.

Either way, laughing stock or not, thing is that he's a lazy leech that would not shame away from begging and whining whatever he needs from others instead of manning up and doing it himself or relying only on his own resources. But that's his problem. The coworker's problem is her utter inability to stop him from taking advantage of her. Childish antics, bitching and bickering to others about what an inssuferable s.o.b. he is won't make him go away. Yes, she should woman-up, stand up to him if his attitude and his leeching upsets her as much as she says it does, and tell him clearly: "I've got enough". But, as cunning and witty as she likes to present herself, she's actually yellow backed, unable to stand up for herself. Sure, she let him get this far, and this far getting him off her hair will be a real struggle, but it's not impossible, and certainly more pleasing than her telling us mockingly how he dared to tell her he was making him a service by taking a ride on her car, for that way he protected her by simply being in her car.

As I look over to my coworkers I wonder about the other things in our lives we don't like but which we don't dodge and look for alternative ways to shake off us, out of a sense of politeness present only in us, and not in the other party. Some are really difficult to shake off and we must endure them (like out thesis tutor - we didn't confront him, but we worked around and we prevailed), but others are simply a matter of social muscle and social courage. Sometimes you shouldn't be affraid of appearing unpolite or rude in order to defend yourself or avoiding being taken advantage of. Think of this: if the other party is so blatantly ignoring social convention, why should you observe it?

As a final advise for cases when you want dump a leech or an uncomfortable freerider, remember it is polite to either tell the person you are no longer able to perform that service. That simple. "I must tell you I can't no longer give you a ride/help you with your job/babysit for you/do your errands/lend you money/give you my food". No explanations, just say in an even, calm voice that you can't do that any more. Yes, you'll probably be requested to offer explanations as to why, but REMEMBER you don't need to give them. It's actually unpolite to request or demand for explanations for refusing a favor. Insistence can always be batted away with "I've personal reasons (and I would appreciate you would respect them)". Further poking can be dodged with "I would really appreciate if you would not pursue with these questions. I believe this concerns only me". (In other words, turn the tables, and indirectly point out at how unpolite, rude they are for not respecting you and how such a thing makes you unhappy, for you never expected them to disrespect you in such a fashion while asking for a favor.)

So, remember, a favor is always voluntary and you can stop any time you feel like it.

Deep Consideration

Though I need the income my job provides me, and I love my boss very much (he ranks 2nd, nose-to-nose with the best boss of all times I have ever had), certain things make me consider quitting as soon as possible. One of those is poor, poor, POOR! redaction skills. I'm tired of the looping message in my head that says "This person should die and come back as what it's thinking skills belong: a mushroom", however when struggling my way through extensive poorly written crap, I'm growing worried that so much disconnected, irrational, no-sense-making shit might affect my own thinking and logical skills. What if this typing-with-no-idea-whatsoever-you-are-writing, maybe even the dreaded copy-and-paste-to-make-volume-no-one-reads-anyway style is contagious? What if after so much exposure my own rationalizing and logical-thinking capabilities get handycapped? What's better "employed but brain dead" or "unemployed but thought capable"? I'm strongly leaning towards the option #2.

Good Friend, Bad Friend

The Raja-Yoga chat of Saturday has stayed longer with me, coming back time and again about happiness, inner peace and the influences we let to get to us. In this chat one of the attendants made a question basically going on the line of 'what should one do when someone close to us is in a well of unhappiness, sinking lower and you can't do anything about it?'. The answer from the yogini was 'why is it your business?'. Thinking of my own situation, the answer came switfly to my mind 'because I care and I love them', but the answer of the yogini was much more simple, and could be summarized the following way 'you can't realize the inner self of them, nor can you pull them out if they don't pull themselves out'. This was a realization that hit me flat on the face, since though I'm quite individualistic and mind my own business, there are situations where I follow a care-code where I take to my heart the matters of other people.

Thinking about this matter, I was wondering about my role as friend. It's clear that the commonplaces and two-cent psichology lines of forwarded e-mails and text messages don't apply. That gooey, dripping sweet concept of "friends forever" and "BFF", "friends always support each other no matter what" and so on don't really apply. Or should it? Shall friends always be together and always support each other no matter what, and be in touch constantly, and depend on each other? If so, I guess I'd be better off without friends.

What make friends friends I don't really know, it seems to just spark up, happen, but how it is kept, that's the real deal! However, does this mean that you must nearly get into the other person's life or let yourself be sucked into the other person's life and become more than a confident, an agent of life? Does this mean you must not contradict your friends or you shall take to your heart if your friend thinks differently from you? If one applies the teachings of the Raja Yoga, within a friendship you must seek to be happy yourself, perhaps point out to your friend your perceptions of what can't help them to be happy, but you don't need to involve yourself and shoulder up the worries of your friend as if those were yours as well. This comes in clear contradiction with the friendship code some enforce where you are expected to care even when you don't, or you rather not put yourself in an uncomfortable position.

Friendship, like any relationship, requires first and foremost of a healthy dose of honesty, or shall we rather say sincerity. There's no real need to tell constantly the truth, as people are naturally unable to do so, as it happens that some truths are hard to tell or very intimate, need time or whatever, but aside from these, there is a need of truth in order to build it on a solid, real base. But aside from this sincerity, from which naturally comes to give what you feel like giving and accepting honestly what your friends feel like giving, what else could be needed?

So, if you are responsible of your own happiness, and you must allow your friends to find themselves and be responsible of their own happiness, what makes a good friend of a bad friend? Or there's not such a thing as "good friend" or "bad friend", just either friend or no friend?

The chat made me realize that really, though I can care for my friends, and maybe I can't avoid worriyng for those I love, it's not my place to interfere in their lives, not let them place me in a situation where I interfere in their lives. It is not my role as friend to be a yes-woman to them, nor to nag them to take this or that decision. It's a very delicate balance between how much you tell them, how much you help them and how much you must hold back yourself and give them the space they need to find themselves, exercise themselves and evolve towards their inner self and their natural hability to be perfectly happy.

To Aileen

Hi Aileen!

Sorry I have not replied to you, but I've this stupid page blocking thing at the office, and lately I get home to do something other than getting on the net. Got your messages, but so far haven't gotten your letter. :-( But worry not, this is Costa Rica, and the Postal Service is really poor. I'll go this week to check up on them and threaten them some, to let go of your letter. Question, if you sent me a letter, does it mean you've got mine? Hope you did. ^_^

Thanks for the messages and thanks ahead for the letter! :-)

Love You!