New Year, New Starts

Property of Stormberry

It has come that time of the year, when we all make resolutions (or at least a significant part of the world that does celebrate the New Year around this time and adscrie to this type of rituals), and so, of course, I have made my own. One of them- which I fully intend to keep, because it's one of those I have more control over - is to post 52 posts this year. This translates pretty much to one post per week. No, of course you don't have to endure this journey with me or anything, so feel free to do as you wish, the same way you have been doing so far.

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I don't have that many resolutions either - I wrote some of them in my new bullet journal - and then I discussed some with my gods... which I should probably write down before I forget them. One of those was to considerably reduce my spending on physical books, mostly due to the plans to build my own house, and in light of the impending expenses and moving. I'll try and keep that one in mind.

2018 has been a wonderful year for me, full of achievements, successes and blessings, so I am happy. One thing I'm quite happy about is that I finished the year with having read 46 books! Awesome! :-) For a slowpoke reader like me that's quite an achievement. This had emboldened me, so I made it my resolution to read 45 next year (instead of my regular goal of 24 books per year). I actually made this resolution in the last days of 2018, when my count of books in Goodreads was somewhere around 41 or 42 books read. I decided to challenge myself - really challenge myself - and go for the kill. I mean, next year I have no classes planned, save for my German lessons, and only will have a thesis of marketing to write, which will rest mostly on groundwork than theoretical construction, so that should give me the time and space to gnaw my way through roughly a book per week.

Property of Stormberry

One added blessing from 2018 was the addition of a new client for my accounting private practice, which I appreciate greatly. As per usual, it's a relative of a friend, so someone with whom I have a previous relationship, and someone I care for a lot. Given the particularities of this case, I travel once a month to the location of this client to do some basic accounting, and oftentimes, after meeting them, I meet with my friend, who lives close by. Yes, it's a tad far, but I like driving, the road isn't challenging and I like the chance to meet with this friend, for otherwise we would hardly meet at all. So it's an absolutely positive situation for me.

My friend and I often meet at a Starbucks close by, or either I pick her up and go there for a coffee and chat. We are both big pen-&-paper junkies, so we have our raves and long, gushing chats away from people who do know us and who would never understand how can anyone get so excited about fountain pens and paper (or pay so much for it). I know, I know, but you know muggles: they just don't get the excitement of experiencing a smoothly gliding pen, or the delight of the right quality of paper, the comfort and joy of handwriting or... having access to text that does not depend on electrical power to exist.

We had our date, had great fun and then her husband came to pick her up and our ways parted. Before I went to my car to drive back home, I went for a coffee and a bottle of water for the road. As I stood there, a man came to order and noticed a frog shaped pendrive I have hanging from my bag... that was missing its bottom half. He told me about it (I had no idea my frog had lost its legs), and told me he had found the legs outside. I thanked him and thought that was it, and proceeded to turn away and make a mental note to go out and pick the legs up. The man, however, kept talking to me, telling me he would help me find them, which was odd, because the place isn't all that big and I had an idea where it could be. Anyway, we struck a conversation of sorts.

It turned out he's a physician, and works at one of our biggest public hospitals. That's impessive. He also has a private practice, so as an accountant (I felt no need to explain to him all of my career background as that can be compicated for anyone upon first meeting) I gave him a couple of useful advise. He was quite free telling me at once that he was divorced and got the custody of his children, which was hard to get, but he had a good lawyer and... why was he telling me all that? The man was being a typical Latin male, seeking to rope me into a formal relationship. He seemed nice, and his children also seemed nice, so I kept contact with him - not to mention that he could be further a source for more clients to my private practice - so I was nice and polite.

He started texting me a lot. A Lot. Daily. Ok, I wanted the friendship and the contact, but not any relationship. I am not looking for any kind of boyfriend or partner or anything. By the second day he was already asking me if I had a partner, so I told him that I wasn't into relationships. He did try to make his case defending relationships, but not in a too pushy way, but it did was... unpleasant. He clearly thought he would need to "work me" in order to convert me. Yeah... no.

We kept texting back and forth, me pushing longer and longer pauses, and him quite clearly trying to get into the space of intimacy in conversation that would help him leap closer to a relationship. He also started to unload a lot of personal stuff about himself that I've found... intrusive. I don't know him all that much, and I don't need a crash course about him either. The whole feeling about him was that of a person absoutely desperate to get a partner, like the kind of person that invites you to a date (not even starting with a non-date casual meeting for coffee after work), and by the time water is served states that they don't want to waste time with someone who doesn't want to commit for the long run. And I say this because, by the second day he was sending me a frog emoji and saying stuff like "your frog brought us together", and then saying the third day that he was happy to have met a woman like me, "with values". I was flabbergasted, because I acually doesn't know anything about me, and though I have values (actually everybody does), he doesn't know mine and if he did, he would probably not agree with them. It did sounded, though, like the kind of flattery you say to someone you don't really know, but with which you want to get into that person's good graces. Providing the person is clueless enough not to see through the ruse. Sadly, I do see through the ruse.

He did try to edge into asking me out on some promenade, but I cut into his attempts (he asked me what plans did I have for the day... on the second or third day) by telling him I was spending he whole day reading. Which I actually did. Next day? Yeah, I'm still reading. Oh, I read a lot. Yes, I want to spend every single available second of my vacations reading. Hey, this year I didn't travel, so I was going to use this exceptional occasion to do what I haven't done in ages: read, and read, and read non-stop. And you know something? Fuck, it feels like heaven!

Anyway, one thing he did learn about me was that I read a lot. He asked me what I read, I told him in broad lines (LGBT Romance, Crime, Politics, History, Philosophy), and he said "Great, crime!". O...k.

Property of Stormberry

Day... what would be today? Like... day five? He asks me what I'm doing. I reply that I'm reading. What I'm reading? Fire and Fury, and I send him a picture of the cover of the book, so he gets a better idea. I'm about to tell him about all the other books I plan to read after it (A Higher Loyalty, by James Comey; Russian Roulette, by Michael Isikoff and David Corn; Collusion, by Luke Harding; and Fear, by Bob Woodward), when suddenly he goes off track saying that history is often partialized. At first I'm taken aback thinking he might be a Trump supporter or something, though I actually think he has no idea about what this book is really about, or anything about the books written on Trump. But he goes on and on, fueled by himself, bringing the Second World War in his next text, and then how the Germans were painted as monsters only because the Jews wrote the history books (someone needs to see videos about the concentration camps), and from then on, and through some 30 texts he unleashed the most horrendous, ignorant, conspiranoic anti-Semitic views I have ever witnessed.

I was baffled that he thought he could unload such a hate speech on me. Not only he doesn't know me, but such intolerant views are preposterous! And no, those are not an "opinion" or a "humble opinion" as he wanted to portray his hate speech: it's intolerance and hate-mongering. In hs diatribe he called Jews a cancer and justified the many attempts throughout history to exterminate them.

This is a man with higher education, a good job, family and looking for a committed, stable, long term relationship. The first impression he makes is that of a catch, the best party anyone could have. Within five days he proved to be everything but.

I have held my turf, and I have come out convinced that social convention doesn't assure you neither happiness of satisfaction. By today, I could have found myself in a long term, committed relationship, mature and adult and proper in all superficial and socially meaningful aspects. I am free from it, happy, and have been able to discern good from bad.

I share with you this experience to let you know that patience is important, that looks deceive, that you need to see beyond the surface, and always consider your true needs, your true desires and your true expectations before those imposed by society. Pursue your own happiness and satisfaction, not the one society tells you you must chase.