Coded message. Oh fuck, I gara fucking change that! What? Do you mean it's for real? People can't possibly do that? Okay, again: how old are they? When they went through adolescency, how did they manage to avoid growing up? We all shake our heads disapprovingly, but it still happens, at it seems that "we" don't disapprove it so much, since we evidently let it happen. But what the FUCK am I talking about here? People fired for what they write in a blog.
Yes. Please look at this. You see a blog, lets say a blog like this one, and what do you see? Well, in this particular case you may see some broad ranting about a fucking buch of things, and quite freely using the word "fuck" as verb, adverb, noun, adjetive and so on. (Used to abuse of the composed term "Goddamed", but my friend Roo, very Christian, God bless her, used to smack me in the head each time I did it, because it was an offense to God. Fuck, on the other hand, was perfectly fine. So is Hell.) Anyway, breaking it down to it's basick "blocks", a blog is a place people use to express themselves. It's a space to be free, to talk your head out. It's an online journal where you write whatever the fuck do you want to write. Indeed, one must be responsible with what one writes, with what one says, accept consequences, but the matter at heart is that you are entitles to express what you say. It's a basic human right. So I think my boss is a pansy. So what? It's what I think. I might not say it, but I still think it. If I say it, at least I'm being truthful, expressing myself and my boss, who maybe isn't a pansy, have a chance to talk with me and clear out the rough edges. By expressing things, you can, actually work them out. Say a coworker of mine, Cynthia, thinks I'm too much of a spoiled, snobbish, freak bitch. Aside it it being true, if she doesn't say it out (she hasn't) we wouldn't get the chance of working things out.
There are things, of course, that can't be worked out. For instance... you think the chick on the workstation next to you is so ugly each time her mother sees her she turns to her father and say: "Man, I should have given you a blow job" (joke taken from Phat Galz, a movie). You can tell her:" girl you are so ugly you could put out the Sun just by looking at it", but it ain't gonna help. Nor does it help if you extern your opinion and tell the guy at the Customer Service Office: "Honey, you are so stupid you must have failed even your bloodtest". Stupid people (specially above 25) remain stupid forever. Ugly people... well, it's not a matter of telling them, but sending a picture of them to Extreme Makeover... house version, in some cases. Anyway, either when you express that someone is stupid, or ugly, or someone far to ordinary to be let into decent gatherings, it is your personal opinion, and you are entitled to it. You will always have it, because your mind is private and up there you'll think the fuck you want, but I have news for you: you can express it. You can let it out and say it.
However, some people do not think the same, and either they have the compulsive need to believe everything is about them (know a few cases, which also are the reason why I fled the livejournal...), or because in their little minds they are so obsessed with the image others have of them, maybe because their self-image depends of what others think of them, that they go ranting about every critic. Sure, you are also entitled to be offended at something said, either about you, or about a group you belong to, or a group you are supporting... For instance, I'm not gay, but I care fro them and I feel their struggle, and each time they are offended, I get offended too. I am a woman, as many of you know, and even so, I get offended when men get diminished. Also when women get dininished on the base of being women, and stupid men pretend to keep up the idea that we all belong into the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant; but I also find it terribly offensive when someone tries to make believe that a man is in the obligation of supporting the woman and the kids. And I mean like they expect to keep a non working woman home, paying all her things, working his ass off, so that the stupid bitch can get bored and work her fat ass at an expensive gym. I feel offended when they mock a man for crying, for showing a weakness, for showing care, for giving into a broader form of expression. It upsets me when men, my fellows, are denied of us women have. (Sometimes a job is denied to a capable man in order to give it to an incompetent woman only to fulfill a quota to pacify feminists.)
Whatever. Back on track, you can get offended, but you must learn when is it right to take things to your heart and when understand that that's the way someone thinks and will think forever and that will never change and it doesn't matter because it causes you no harm.
Here are some pointers that could help you decide when to
bath in oil and let it slide, and when to take it in hands and speak up.
- When it can put in in disadvantage to achieve your goals, which any other people (not in your condition) can achieve, when it cuts you from opportunities others have, when it causes you serious harm economically, socially, legally --- speak up.
- When it hurst your pride, but other than that it causes you no harm --- let it go by.
Psychological harm is dangerous, and you should step up, but I'm giving no pointers on this matter, because I'm not an expert. From what I know, and can deduce, ifit makes you uncomfortable and diminishes your normal productivity, you must speak up. Now, what does
« speak up » means? It doesn't mean fighting verbally, engaging in an insult contest, or harming the offender by any means at hand. It means to talk it over. Let the person know you do not agree with what has been said and find out why did that person said the things he or she said and then explain your point and explain why you disliked what you disliked. You know, the
"civilized approach". I know, it's so "old school" XX. century style. what can I say? I love XXth century. It was cool. Mindless fighting, and taking revenge will get you nowhere. People will keep thinking what they think, they might be even reinforced on the negative vision they have of you, and even get proofs of whatever evil thing they claim of you. Who knows? Even add to the list of "flaws".
Not this is people. So it happens, and we have heard cases around the world, of people FIRED for saying something non-flattering on their blogs. Yes, people have been fired upon saying on the Internet that their boss is as stupid as a watermelon with a "fuckhole". Whose boss isn't stupid or do not behave every once in a while like a moron or the most stupid thing since toothbrushes for snails? Yet some do take it to their hearts and they do fire people over that. Unbelievable. I'd say, if I ever get fired for expressing my mind and writing on my blog that... some muckety-muck of the company is as dumb as an ass, well, I would like to see them write that down as the cause of letting me go. (I actually either say it in their face or make it crystal clear, so anyone fireming for the blog is also a major coward.) Then again, it means also that I was hired to bulk up the worker-base, not because of my work. If my personal opinions of someone, no matter how muckety-muck have more weight than my job, AT MY JOB! that means I wasn't being properly considered, estimated, valued. However, this is a case, when you are fired for speaking your mind, when you should speak up. By saying something about other people, saying what you think, you have not caused them harm, other than maybe harm in their pride... if they allow it, but they are causing you harm, so you must do something.
It has been a struggle to let people know that work is WORK and no personal feelings are to be mixed in it. Sure, you can put limits to relate to people you do not like, as long as it doesn't get into your work, but at work, WORK is first. Outside work is another matter. Why is that so hard to understand?
