This is the position many societies in today's world seem to preach, and this is particularly what the US Army seems to say every step of the way to the gay community. Some heterosexual folk, like me, could say, don't be stupid, just don't go where you are not wanted. But then again the world is wide, the tastes are many and some folks really want to join the army or get married. And you know what? They shouldn't be denied to do so, specially if others can do it and it's not illegal for them. Or do you believe that John Doe can't think about marrying because he's... poor? Or Jane Doe can't join the army because she's... a woman? Or Annie Smith can't be allowed serve in the army because she's a cat person, or Pete White can't be allowed to get married because he likes porn.
Naturally, when it comes to someone being homosexual, it's not something as "meaningless" as prefering cats over dogs or porn over procedural cop shows, nor can it be compared with being poor or being woman, however - even though I'm not gay nor I know the full extent of homosexuality and the entire psycho-social matters it entails - I believe that being gay, straight, bisexual, transexual, pansexual or any other possibility on the scope shouldn't be a determinant on whether you have or not the right to marry whom you love or be who you are openly. With this kind of politics, you are allowing them to take on the hardships society has to offer, but deny them the rewards. (Well, tortures as marriage and serving in the army can be seen as a reward if you actually want them.) You are telling the gay soldiers that they can sacrifice their lives, they can bleed for their country, but their country is so ashamed of them, for the live they lead, that if they are caught practicing it, or if the rumor spreads that they are what they are, they will be plucked from their ranks. Oh yes, they are good to die... as long as they put on the mask and pretend they are decent, straight people.
Marriage, however, is in or out and last less than Britney Spears' marriages. You can, you can't... and the funny thing is that their RIGHTS, the same rights any straight person has - even anti-marriage me - are denied from they thanks to the machinations of a small group of bigot people who - in the most Medieval fashion of all - consider their way of life against the will of God. Dude, God made them gay. And yet this truly retrograd group of nimrods can actually push Govenments against the right thing to do, to deny them this basic right.
Denying gay people their right to marry is like denying women their right to choose their partner. Denying them their right to be who they are while they serve in the Army is like denying women to look like women at work. It is stupid, it is useless and it's made only to "protect the sensibilities" of a bunch of people who, instead of protection needs education.
I trust - hope against all hope - that eventually reason will prevail and these battles will be conquered, ignorance in this area will be tackled and worked with to make them understand that "being next to a gay person doesn't make you gay, just like gay people standing next to straight people don't make them straight", that being gay is simply a matter of who you prefer to fuck, whom you rather marry, and not a "thing of Satan" that corrupts everything in life. Just like underneath the skin a black person is just as much a person with the same hopes and dreams as anyone else with any other skin color, and so a woman, regardless of her gender is a person as much as a man is, a gay person is a person too regardless who they rather sleep with.
The time to discriminate by differences is long gone, the time to learn and accept has long been here.