A Geek Weekend Out

This weekend my friends Carrie, Kate and I went to a hotel in town to, basically, enjoy a big-girl slumber party. I would say an "adult slumber party", but that would make you think we had sex, and that's not what happened: we spent from Friday night to Sunday noon holed up in our hotel room indulging in series and movies of our guilty pleasures :-D.

The idea came by the end of last year, but I can't tell you exactly how. We have spent quite some time together and have gone of one-day trips to places where you can go swimming (it's not a wellness place, but like a family, entertainment center), where all we did was watch series and movies on an iPad and talk about fanfics. Believe it or not, it was amazing, and we enjoyed ourselves very much. The idea somehow had stuck, that we should do this again, but staying a larger period of time, so we could actually watch more series and more movies. We have already talked about doing a trip to Salem sometime in the future (when we can afford it), but then we actually wanted to do something sooner, while the girls still had their vacation. Thus, in a somewhat unorganized way, we ended up booking a room for the three of us at a hotel close by with this sole purpose in mind: watch movies and series.

We considered going to the beach, but really, was it worth driving all the way to the beach (I don't mind driving, I love driving!) only to end up holed in the room watching series? Because in that case, why would we even waste time on the road, when we could be already watching a movie? There was no actual program or plan as to what we wanted to watch - get on track with Supernatural, maybe, and then some Hannibal, some Sleepy Hollow - and somehow, a passion of theirs, old passion of mine, also got into the mix. The yaoi.

Carrie packed up the old hits we loved watching back when we met, and then they showed me new shows of which I have never heard, which were nice, sweet, and even disturbing. For instance, there's this series about guys - some "Binan" something - that's like a Sailor Moon with guys... only terribly corny and girly. And somehow, even some parts just make you look away for it's too corny to endure, I think I like it.

Am I going back to animé and yaoi? No, I don't think so, and if so, I'll make sure to stop before I get as sucked up by this world as I once was. However, it's nice to indulge, nice to be silly a little, unplug from the normal world, and spend some time with your best friends being plain silly, happy, carefree, all day laying in bed and eating snacks, drinking sweet beverages and cocktails and laughing out loud with your friends. Come up with funny tasks, like each of us has to find and review a fanfic from a fandom that's not Teen Wolf (Carrie and I are slightly obsessed with Sterek fics, but then again, it's not our fault Kate had developed a distaste for this fandom, and rather indulge in Star Trek, which is her only fandom since... a couple of years now), or make plans to start watching more and more series, like... yeah, I'm not into it again that much, so I won't even attempt at going on with the Japanese names.

Whatever your life is, whatever your circumstances, truth is that you do need a little time out with your friends, a break to simply be silly, be carefree. It charges you up and makes you feel... amazing. ^_^

Night Out With My Girls

Have you gone to see a movie twice, so that you can go watch it with your friends? Or maybe even more times so that you can get "the hang" of it? Well, I'm one of those people who can go and watch the same movie a gozillian times and the buy the DVD so I can keep watching it until the end of times. Evidently I am one of those and in this occasion the movie I went to see twice was Sherlock Holmes 2: The Game of Shadows. In here I won't go into the details of the movie for you can read that in any film critic site, and I'm not one to go repeating what others say. That's boring - and takes the fun out of both blog writing and blog reading. Wouldn't you agree?

The first time I went, it was with my boyfriend. I'm quite a fan of movies, and go as often as I can - as long as the movies shown are to my liking! - while he's not. In the past lot of years he has gone only when I've taken him to the movies, and that's not that many times. (Well, once settled in Hungary, that's going to radically change!) This was a couple of weeks ago, and we went to the VIP theatre. The experience of the VIP was so marvelous he decided Hungary NEEDED dearly the VIP experience. He would run and open VIP movie halls, if he could!

To evaluate this movie you should honestly compare it with the first one, but the first one left me so cold, I can't recall enough of it to pass judgment. This one, however, was charged heavy with slash. I though it was going to be an action movie, so what the heck, he would probably like it, but I never expected my eyes to bulge out and my hands to curl into a fist wishing to have my slasher friends close to hold their hands and scream in delight. Thus, the decision was made and we decided to go out the three of us to evaluate the slashiness of the movie. We met at our favorite commercial center - a large and posh commercial center at the South of the capital, in one of the most exclusive areas of the Metropolis. Once there we realized that they wheren't presenting the movie any more. That was like a slap on the face! However there was a nearby mini commercial center built around an IMAX movie theatre, where they were still showing the movie. We had to wait some two hours still, sort of, but we were cool, as we were going to drive there.

Before leaving we went to have something to much on while I presented them with the marvel of mangas on the Kindle and they passed me some digital mangas as well. It was like in the old times, when the three of us met with other friends to gap about yaoi mangas and yaoi animes, and yaoi anything for hours, sharing CDs and mini CDs full of whatever we have managed to hunt down in our cruises through the gutters of the Internet. 

From there we went to the movies only to discover that the 18:45 show was sold out. The horror. We wanted desperately to see that movie, so what to do? After a bit of debate we decided to get tickets for the next showing, at 21:30. I called home to let my boyfriend know that, no, I wasn't dead, I just didn't get tickets at any of the showings I expected, so I was going to stay with the girls for the 21:30 - the last one. With the tickets in hand we went to the Sports Bar in the complex, where the girls relished in ordering mouthwatering delicious cocktails with enough alcohol in them to fly a Boing 777 from Bali to Corsica, while I - minding the driving - had to make due with a virgin Piña Colada. The downside of driving.

There we spent a nice time between more gaping about mangas and yaoi and recently seen movies, and work stories and travel stories (Kate has recently come back from a trip she did to Peru, I believe, from which she showed us the most funny videos where her deadpan serious comments made a banal image of people walking unto an account about the last days of civilization befire the rise of the zombies), and then some disturbing images about kickboxing matches that looked just like... mating. There, while many watched intently the match, we tried to figure out how could two men locked in a tight embrace, pushing to be on top, grabbing each other's asses actually pass for a sport. Because if that's a sport, I might believe I have been practicing on the bed quite often...

The time for the movie arrived, and we took our seats in the regular movie hall (the VIP was showing something else), and we giggle like schoolgirls about a thing or two, then showing annoyment as the image was cut and a portion of the upper end of the film was seen on the lower end of it. Quite unnerving. However the problem got fixes in the first 5 minutes of the movie and soon we were able to enjoy the film, grabbing hands and turning to each other mouthing "Oh My God!" and "Did you see that!!?". However the best scene, the grand scene was the dance scene. There we sat, the three of us, linked by the hands and holding our breaths in excitement, only to mutter at the end of the movie: "I didn't get it... how can they explain it to the non-slasher public?"

The mystery may remain forever unsolved, but the three of us walked out of the movie hall, minutes before midnight, with a large grin and plans to run down the Internet looking for slash fic.

Apps

Those who have iPhones - or many other smartphones with similar bahavior pattern - know about apps, those little programs that you download onto your phone for free or a fee, and help making your mobile phone into a device that does much more than just calls and SMS, to the point of almost making the calls and SMS into another of the apps - basic apps. The whole point of them also is to customize them, to have on your handheld - hardly even worth calling it a phone, for you basically use it to LIVE in it, rather than simply make a call - the apps and thingies You want to have. Not the preordained goodies the manufacturer decided to include. Your games, your outlook, your calendar, your clock, your calculator... often for a price. You didn't really thought you'd get the goods for free, right? Some are free though, so don't fret it.

The advertisement of Apple reminds you every now and then, that ther are apps for anything and everything. Games, maps, measurements, weather, step counter, sound recorder, calorie counter, music player, internet browser, spotlight... you name it. Some are probably even stupid apps you wonder who the heck would even think getting them. Just Google "useless iphone apps" or "stupid iphone apps" and you'll see. Allegedly Apple does check them - when it gets to them - and rejects some. What's the criteria we don't know, but after the one released today on the news, we'd sure want to.

As an act of Hyne-knows-what it seems that a Christian group  - not my kind, I would like to point that out right now - released an app to "cure homosexuality". In the sweet name of chocolate, what the fucking hell where they thinking?? I assume it comes from the same morons who say Global Warming is a myth and all that's happening is because The End is Nigh. Well, certainly no self-respecting gay person would take this crap seriously, but what raised many eyebrows is how Apple hasn't rejected it. I mean, it's not funny, it's insulting, and it's insulting not only for the gay community, it's insulting for the straight community as well, and the Christians all across the globe.

Sorry, I don't fuck women, but that doesn't mean I'm not sensitive to the issues of those women who do, or the men who choose to fuck men. You can't cure homosexuality as much as you can't cure your skin color or gender, and anyone would think that this far into the XXIst century people would know that much. It's already  abhorrent how a group of close minded people take for themselves the right to uphold from others the right to marry whomever the fuck they want, but to come up with an app like this? Really, get a brain.

Honestly I am offended, and the only Apple product I have is iTunes, yet still, the company should know better than lending space for this sort of display of bigotry.

In a way, for me, it was interesting how this article came in the same paper, in the same issue where not much appart a movie was discussed which presents the topic of gay couples to children, "Le Baise the la Lune". This attitude, both promoting it as well as allowing it, generates only hate, and not only homophobia, but also heterophobia. Personally I find it real stupid to make a war about who we choose to love and who we choose to sleep with.

Apple should know better, and some Christians should make everybody a favor and either shut the fuck up or hasten their own Apocalypsis and drop dead.

You Are Good Enough To Die, Not Good Enough To Acknowledge

This is the position many societies in today's world seem to preach, and this is particularly what the US Army seems to say every step of the way to the gay community. Some heterosexual folk, like me, could say, don't be stupid, just don't go where you are not wanted. But then again the world is wide, the tastes are many and some folks really want to join the army or get married. And you know what? They shouldn't be denied to do so, specially if others can do it and it's not illegal for them. Or do you believe that John Doe can't think about marrying because he's... poor? Or Jane Doe can't join the army because she's... a woman? Or Annie Smith can't be allowed serve in the army because she's a cat person, or Pete White can't be allowed to get married because he likes porn.

Naturally, when it comes to someone being homosexual, it's not something as "meaningless" as prefering cats over dogs or porn over procedural cop shows, nor can it be compared with being poor or being woman, however - even though I'm not gay nor I know the full extent of homosexuality and the entire psycho-social matters it entails - I believe that being gay, straight, bisexual, transexual, pansexual or any other possibility on the scope shouldn't be a determinant on whether you have or not the right to marry whom you love or be who you are openly. With this kind of politics, you are allowing them to take on the hardships society has to offer, but deny them the rewards. (Well, tortures as marriage and serving in the army can be seen as a reward if you actually want them.) You are telling the gay soldiers that they can sacrifice their lives, they can bleed for their country, but their country is so ashamed of them, for the live they lead, that if they are caught practicing it, or if the rumor spreads that they are what they are, they will be plucked from their ranks. Oh yes, they are good to die... as long as they put on the mask and pretend they are decent, straight people.

Marriage, however, is in or out and last less than Britney Spears' marriages. You can, you can't... and the funny thing is that their RIGHTS, the same rights any straight person has - even anti-marriage me - are denied from they thanks to the machinations of a small group of bigot people who  - in the most Medieval fashion of all - consider their way of life against the will of God. Dude, God made them gay. And yet this truly retrograd group of nimrods can actually push Govenments against the right thing to do, to deny them this basic right.

Denying gay people their right to marry is like denying women their right to choose their partner. Denying them their right to be who they are while they serve in the Army is like denying women to look like women at work. It is stupid, it is useless and it's made only to "protect the sensibilities" of a bunch of people who, instead of protection needs education.

I trust - hope against all hope - that eventually reason will prevail and these battles will be conquered, ignorance in this area will be tackled and worked with to make them understand that "being next to a gay person doesn't make you gay, just like gay people standing next to straight people don't make them straight", that being gay is simply a matter of who you prefer to fuck, whom you rather marry, and not a "thing of Satan" that corrupts everything in life. Just like underneath the skin a black person is just as much a person with the same hopes and dreams as anyone else with any other skin color, and so a woman, regardless of her gender is a person as much as a man is, a gay person is a person too regardless who they rather sleep with.

The time to discriminate by differences is long gone, the time to learn and accept has long been here.

The "Day of the Chinese"

I wonder if it happens in other countries. In Costa Rica there are holidays and celebrations that belong only to a specific place. Such is "Saint Joseph's day" which is a holiday only for some districts of the capital city, San José. People hate it because one street can make the difference. If your office is in a street instead of another, that could mean that you'll have to go work when people a street up or a street down has a holiday you don't have. Of course, people in other provinces don't have this holiday.

Today the president of China is coming for a few hours to visit our mock of a president. Sorry, but I can't pretend respect for such a slime bastard. The Government decided to close down all streets around the route the Chinese president will take, reason for which people around the premises have been sent home. Since Friday we received the e-mail telling us that we have the day off. Hurray! Three-day-weekend! Kinda cool, huh? It's so sad, though, that this is all made to kiss the Chinese President's ass because our corrupt Government wants to ask for more money.

Hungarian people think their country is rotting away, but they don't know what's like when the country is REALLY rotting away.

Why do I think there's something seriously fishy going on? Well, first of all, everybody knows it. I mean, look at the papers! Recently a study showed that Costa Rica has slid down in the scale of democracy and popular satisfaction. 80% of the people believes that the Government works for only a small part of the population, that power is concentrated in a few hands, and that 2009 will be worse than 2008. I wonder what the other 20% is thinking or where do they live. Or is it that THAT 20% is the little bit where power concentrates? Numbers couldn't be more "Pareto Theorem correct" even if they tried. Only this 20% is taking more than the 80% of wealth. They are taking all of it.

I hate being here, but what can we do to make it better? Ain't easy, but I think I can have a few ideas about how to get under this monster's skin.

I am in "holiday", taking a break, recovering from a splitting migraine that kept me in bed all day yesterday, and trying to work out some sense from the little useful data I have for our thesis. This is breaking our backs, but I don't loose the faith nor the optimism. I'm happy that this is working and moving forward.

Mom's and aunt Zsuzsa's birthday is tomorrow. I've bought Mom a small basket of bath products, which I hope se likes, I put them together specially for her. I was looking for the pear cream of Victoria's Secret which he loves on me, but it was long off the shelves. I've got her a soft pear cream and shower gel from Moi, a lovely, country-styled store that sells Canadian toilettery. I love their products, specially a line of fruit scented toiletteries, which usually include shower gel, body cream, whipped-cream soap, body splash and so. I was thinking in getting Mom a small put-together of these, but this pear scented new line caught my eye and my nose. The scent is lovely and ever so gentle, I'm sure it won't give Mom a headache. Yes, Mom has migraine and I think I have developed it too... maybe genetics get into this. Anyway, Mom is more sensitive than I do and strong scents can trigger her headaches, which is why I had to pick for her something soft. I'll let you know if she liked it!

Two days ago, on Saturday, I went out with Carrie, Víctor, Kate and a friend of Carrie, Andrey, who was also an acquintance of Víctor. Carrie and I wanted to get "our queers" together, but it seems that Costa Rica's gay-fuck-net beat us to it by far. Hell. I think I'll never again try to introduce two gay guys. It's simply amazing how they live their lives, how they hop beds and asses and cocks ever so fast until they finish up jumping from gay man to gay men through a whole country in less than eight years. Hump, hump, hump, fuck, fuck, fuck... it's almost as if the fiction we write is more conservative and less bold than real life for these men. And funny thing is that they feel ever so lonely. Chronically lonely while they are chronically promiscuous. A piece of advise from a straight woman? If you want to stopbeing lonely, you must pay attention to your partner. Not only women like to be taken care of and paid attention to but also men. So, the next time, before they hop into bed, they should consider learning a bit about the guy, or pick the guy by liking him first as a person, and then as a man.

One thing I have learned by walking down the path of one night stands and choosing to be a loner, is that jumping into sex and cutting off the process of learning from the other person, or letting them learn from you, is the surest way to remain lonely. Sometimes someone tries to stick around, which is when you flip the cruel card of "This was a One Night Thing. Move on and live with it". However, if you don't want to reamin lonely, do not take that path. Do not jump in bed without knowing who is the one you are inviting between the sheets.

Immaturity: What's with marriage?

First of all, no, I'm not right. I've talked with people who have comforted me, but the feeling just doesn't go away. I'm still shaky and teary-eyed, and I hate to feel this way, but this is the way I feel. Rationalizing this situation doesn't make it better either. I appreciate the good advise of my friends, but this is a case of mobbing. Sorry, but being threatened and bullied for following due procedure only because that leaves in evidence the malpractice of others IS mobbing. I don't think that "forget it" is the right solution, nor it is booking it away because "he has always been ill mannered and nasty, and everybody knows that". Being subjected to bullying isn't something you have to accept, but I believe that what you can't definitively do is let it go without doing anything. That's irresponsible and only aids to keep this ill behavior growing bigger and stronger.

(I'm actually calling the area about labor relationships.)

^_^ I've been, again, legally advised on the matter, and so I'll take the matter in hands. Sorry, but I'm not here to be manhandled each time someone feels like it. Might have negative repercusions, like cutting back on my premission to do the thesis, which has already been signed, or the boss walking back on the last minute about my vacations, where he can really do little, since I will have the days on my favor and he can't possibly deny me of those... (specially since SNEAKY ME has an e-mail where he gave me the authorisation for the vacations, and I just printed two copies of it... just in case).

Now, the matter of the post.

News. So California and other states walked back on the Gay Marriage thing. This is ridiculous. What's wrong with you people?? It's legal, it's not legal, it's legal again, it's not legal again. Are lawmakers and legislators so irresponsible, so immature that they simply can't stick to their own decisions? They've decided once that gay people can marry, so drop the case and let them get married! But this things, that today you can, but tomorrow can't it's a clear sign of weakness.

I'm a lucky fella. I'm heterosexual, so no one would ever question my right to marry, though then again, by being a woman, I'm more on the side of being questioned about why I don't get married. (Get this, father, I don't want that burden. I'm happy alone, and I don't think on having children so that someone takes care of me in my old age.) In today's world, thanks Hyne, I can decide with whom I wish to marry. A white man, a black man, a poor man, a rich man, a young man, an old man, an artist, a professional, an employed, an unemployed... and I can decide not to get married. Today's world allows me to work and support myself, and even live like a regular het dude and have my share of one nights stands and no one will be the wiser.

I've no problem with that because I'm het and I like men, but if I were gay, the world would be bleak. Man or woman, if I were gay I would probably still avoid marriage like the pest, but there would be a stain in the whole thing, it being that actually, as a gay man or woman, I wouldn't be able to chose any other thing.

They have to fight a huge fight to get their rights acknowledged, the law passed, only to have the lawmakers walk back over the same law again. It's a never ending cycle of pointless fight.

There's one thing I'd like to know: why is it so bad for some sectors of the society that they can marry? Probably they are not gay, so why do they care? And why do they feel entitled to meddle in the lives of others? Two men, two women, adult, consenting, loving each other, why not? If the problem is that two men or two women can't make babies, the the couples where at least one of them is infertile shouldn't be called "marriage" either. No, this is actually a measure born out of hate and intolerance, and let's pray this isn't coming from no Christian group or church, since, remember, our religion praises love, and it's based on love, as churches and every single flyer preeches.

Why laws and societies make a point out of bullying the small, the weak, the one that represents no threat, but lets the real evil grow and flourish?

Eagel Eye

Though I have a lot of things to be pissed off about, such as my motherfucking thesis director, who is completely unable to understand that this fucking shit is fucking important, and if he has egged us into this fucking topic, he better STICK to it and work at out rhythm or else (sorry, I had to vent about that, and nice wording just wouldn't do it), or the stupid prick who fell in love with me after I condescendingly went to grab a beer with him and got myself booooored out of my head listening to his ever-so-pitiful shit while excercising an incredible amount of will power I absolutely ignored I had towards tolerance-towards-the-mentally-and-emotionally-impaired to keep myself from standing up and telling him: "For the n-th time, you are not 'a strange guy', you are like thousands more called 'needy, dependant, useless drama queens' insteand of 'men'." --- Okay, I think I do deserve now one of those Hypocrisy Noble Prizes, also know as Peace Noble Prize. (Not like I would EVER accept one of those... Being listed in the same category as that rat Oscar Arias makes my skin crawl back...). Then of course there's the weekly dose of Iván The Epitome of Drama. Her Ladyship's last stunt was through the SMS.

"I do not understand your anger. Would you it explain to me?"

My, my... what makes him think I'm angry? I won't pretend I have no feeling towards him. I still harbor some resentment for the shit he has done, though I have so much stuff in my mind that I have to think actually at the crap he has done in order to evoke the feelings of resentment. Then, of course, there's annoyance, which springs to life each time he calls me or sends me a message. And here I thought I was crystal clear when I told him that I'll be unavailable up to April due to thesis. I must assume that while I meant Swedish Collection crystal when I thought about "crystal clear", he preceived it as crystal meth. No wonder. Anyway, the drama queen presented her weekly piece, but let's just be hopefull and hope against all hope that the carnival is going to another city and the show won't come back.

So, aside from three annoying bastards, my weekend was a blast. I did felt odd at having a Saturday not devoted entirely to the thesis, research, laptop and library environment, typing my fingers away, surrounded by papers what Mile seeks for the missing pieces to put up the perfect paper with information I couldn't possibly graps, and which makes me ever so grateful to have her in my life, here with me doing this thesis. God, bless Mile because she's the best! (Today she's filing our proposal to the Counsil to be approved tomorrow... May God be with us in this...) I'd truly be lost without Mile.

I've been rolling numbers up and down trying to make sense, get them to work and come up with some diagnosis while not having the milestone of it: the tour to the islands, the info from the islands to get this thing rolling. I kinda feeli like taking off on my own, go this Saturday there and see what can be seen around there. God as my witness, I'll do it if we have no other choice.

So, Saturday. I went running some errands to the banks, and one of those was to deposit some money on my Euro account. Life had it so, that when I went to do a little of leisure activities, I actually spent HALF of what I have deposited... T_T. Life is cruel. Thing is that my favorite bookstore had this offer, that if you bought at least two books on the weekend you could get an eco-bag. (A bag made of ecological fabric, some kind of untreated cotton of sorts.) I haven't been over at the bookstore for a while, so what best chance? I went... and ended up with four books... three of them in Spanish and the ONLY one in English a pack I actually picked for my dear friend Sandra Hill. ^_^ It just... called me. The books are cool. One is from Carmen Posadas and it's called "La Bella Otero", which is about a woman who looses all her fortune due to her addiction to gambling, and then gambles about the date of her own death. The other is a book by Nick Hornby, and it's about a guy who pretends to have a kid to score with the ladies, and a kid who needs a father figure and tags along. The last one is a journal, quite graphic and quite interesting. It's a novel by Jeff Kinney and it's called "The Diary of a Whimpy Kid". It's a page turner, mostly due to the language in which it's written, even if it is translated and translated into Spain-Spanish, which ain't the favorite of Latin American readers. ( I still remember how people growled and mocked each time a Dragon Ball movie was Spain-Spanish doubled... Specially when Goku said stuff like "Vamos! A que no puedes cogerme!", which really, only means "Come on! Try to catch me!", but in Costa Rican slang means "Come on! Try to fuck me!").

After the books I went to have some small lunch and then to the movies, packed up with my favorite movie pack: Matinée. It's a kiddie pack, with a small coke, small popcorn and candies. It's the only one with candies, and the only one with the right amount of popcorn I can actually eat. The movie I went to see was Eagle Eye. Kind of have heard of it before, but I basically went because it was the only things that seemed like I could see it, plus the guy was "okay looking". Dude, the guy, Shia LaBeouf-Or-Something is hnnnn-not-tooooo-bad-only-really-not-my-type when he's shave, but unshaven he's You-were-born-to-belong-serve-in-my-bed. Now, I don't need to hear it, I KNOW! But before you go "it's the eyebrows!", think that he keeps his eyebrows but if he shaves I dislike him. So why with beard? I'm not the likes-beards type-o-gal. I actually have always liked the angel-face guys, the softer the better, but this guy... shaven is so unappealing for me, all cheeky, hi-hi, poshy, plastic-looking, while with the beard he becomes rougher, more human and maybe also more mature, less kiddy and someone I can relate to. And then again, shaven he's too "Hollywood" for my liking, but with beard, a little ragged, a little scared, a little poor, a little scratched and rough around the edges... he's ever so... Krummy. So there I go again! I keep falling for this type... and I really liked my old type! T_T

Directed by D.J. Caruso, it delievers, to my unrefined knowledge, an acceptable performance, though a bit stiff here and there. Labeouf does a nice job as Jerry Shaw, but as Ethan, the twin... well, let's just leave it there. Thanks Hyne the "Ethan" parts are few enough not to spoil the movie. Billy Bob Thornton should remember he's not playing Agent Smith, so it's okay to be a bit more "human", yet, it's a "character", not his dream to be an FBI Agent.

The plot in itself is boring, though the action and watching LaBeouf is interesting enough to make me get another ticket to watch him, however, really, it's stupid. I know I'm spoiling the movie, but it already get's spoiled rather fast: a computer deciding to overthrow the Government. Why can't people just come up with something original? Really, some secret organization would have been cooler. It's just so fake, so "Matrix Vista" you are wondering when is Jerry being offered the blue and the red pill, and whether Neo will pop up out of the blue and save the day.

However, that's to LaBeouf's handsome face and other lovely atributes, I had a wonderful time. Looking like that he could even sell me the idea of marriage. So, mostlikely I'll be going to see him again at the movies, buy the DVD on Amazon and wonder for a while why my guy-type has changed from the angel to the roughed up struggling type of man with a soft, bleeding core.

After the movies I happened by Victor's place... my friend, and we chatted and watched FOUR Supernatural chapters in a row from the fourth season. O_O It's so good! We spent hours drooling over Sam and Dean, though he likes Sam better, while Dean is more my kind... ^_^ But we promised that if he get them, we will share and switch on regular basis. What are friends for, right? (And gay friends? To drool together over men, of course.)

"Will you come next week for the next chapter?"
"You can bet your money on it!"

So, probably from now on after thesis I'll have a stop at his place for Supernatural.

Yes, Life is Good.

The Weekend's Score

First of all, thanks for everbody for their loving messages about the previous entry. ^_^ Boy, having friends like you makes it all worth it! Second of all, here are the developments of the Fatidical Friday, which could have marked the end of my Evil Doing Days. (Okay, they were "curbed".)

That day I dressed up to party. Reduced my "regular daily luggage" to a handbag, and did me make-up and close "party-ready". Through all the day JP (also known as Faux Viktor), didn't even bother to talk to me, after being so verborreic the prior days. Well, *shrug* whatever. Maybe he has nothing to tell me. On the afternoon I had to run an errand close to the building where he is, so what the Fuck, I stopped by to greet him. Good thing I did! Fuck, that son of a bitch was looking like uncut coke: sinfully good. Waaah~... Hottie!

"Are we still up for today?"
"Yes," he said winking.
"Mac's?"
"uhhh... sure, sure. Mac's"

So, of course I came back to my office walking on clouds and ready to give up the essential of me: my capability to hurt. So I prayed for a miracle and I published my prayer. Hyne, you have no idea how full was my heart with hope! A painful yet tremendously romantic feeling. It was the very matter of good stories. Thanks Hyne I took fair advantage of that in writting. But giving up the Ice Queen Crown... that must have been it. You see, you have to embrace who you are and what have you done out of yourself. Sure, you can change, but if what you've been so far has been working so well, you had no complain about yourself, why to think of a change? I should have never offered my abdiction to my crown. Once an ice queen, always an ice queen. And isn't it so that the sky and the snow and the cold come upon my bidding on my birthland? ^_^ Jules says so, and well... So far I have never seen a winter without snow. ^_^

So, after work, I went to the bar and called him to know whether he was already there or not. To my surprise his cell was sending me to voicemail. O_O Okay, maybe he was still stuck ta the office and he had no signal reception there, but no. I called and he was long gone. Odd. I sent him an SMS asking him where he was, and the sat on the bar and order myself a coke. Minutes started running away, and I didn't have my journal at hand. Well, after all, I was planning to go to Babylon's after the date, and there I can't go carrying a big bag. Of course, nor I had my book, so it was really bad. Oh well, found a piece of paper in my bag and improvised a few notes for my journal using Runic writing, which probably made a lot of people highly uneasy. (People associate Runes with witchcraft, so imagine the shock of someone doing something like that in public.) Well, time was going by, and he wasn't anywhere to be found. I started getting upset, because that wouldn't be the first time he stood me up. So I called again, no avail, and sent him another message. Around 6 o'clock (we were supposed to meet after working, at 4:30 to 5...), he sent me a message.

'Sorry. Things got complicated.'

No shit. And he got his fingers broken so he couldn't tell me before? Or was he misteriously kidnapped by aliens? Shit! There's the minimal decency? You can't make it to an appointment, you call. That's the standard procedure. I've got fired up. Called my friends Ivan and Victor to bitch and get some comfort. Ivan promised to take me to get smashed drunk to Babylon's and my dear and beloved Victor, my handsome little angel told me to go to his place and have fun. Well, I asked for the bill and dialed JP's number with all the intent of leaving him a last message on my own voice: "grow some balls, asshole." Stragely, his phone was on now and he picked it up.

"Hi."
"Hi." he said.
"You went missing again."
"hahahaha! Where are you?"
"At Mac's."
"With whom?"

O_O Did he really ask that?????

"With people drinking. What do you think? It's a bar!"
"Hahahahaha! You are terrible! You can't stop partying, can you? Girl, you are terrible."

What the fuck??

"Dude: you stood me up. Again. What the fuck happened?"

Man, I just wanted to listen to him lie again. Again is sister-in-law's mom was sick? Come on, bitch, bring it forward, so I can laught. However he remained silent.

"You there?"
"Yes, yes... I'm.. close to..."

And then he tried to name a town in Costa Rica. He didn't nail one. Yeah, he fucker made a run for his hide.

"Uhum..." I said at his attempts, and then this coward chicken wuss hung up on me!

My bill arrived and since it was only a coke and I was going to pay with my card, I had to ask for something else. So I ordered a Heineken to cool down. Man, I wanted him dead, and when I mean "dead" I mean full Medieval Execution style. Hell, I'm all for classics. ^_^ Little after he sent me another SMS with one word: "forgive me" (in Spanish it is one word). The hell I would! My ice crown was restored, so I planned carefully my next move. I was going to get smashed and drunk like I have never been since 2001. I was going to see my friends, all of whom I love so deeply, and life was looking up again. So, what do I know about him to hit him? Not answering wasn't a real solution to make a statement. Now, JP is deeply affected by his surroundings. The world has to do with him, and he actually believes that the problems of others are his problems. He was a very bad case of being both unable to take responsability, and I mean real responsability of his actions, or realizing that there's people who just don't love him anymore. Emotionally, he needs to be the center of the Universe for people. He can't take a decision, even if the choice is clear. It's almost as if he needed to live in a constant turmoil. He attaches himself to people who hurt him, and he hates it, but he can't separate himself from them, filling himself with feelings of guilt, through a series of actions provoked by he himself. He lives with regret. In a way, and that's the weapon I chose, he is addicted to regret, and walks through life hanging tightly to it, as if in the moment he lets go his regrets there's nothing left for him to live. How do I know this? ^_^I'm good at listening and analyzing. Besides he's a piece of cake: his pattern is one I have studied extently in books and stories, so I could pretty much write him up.

I answered real slow, counting on the network to add some delay.

'Never mind, but know that you hurt me. You could have simply said no.'

Oh, that's so sad and so... "dramatic". ^_^ Each word measured, even the selection of the word "hurt" into such a feminine tone, yet framed in short statements and softness, it was bound to stab. Hehehehe... there goes a leave of sorrow for you, son of a whore. Now, if my calculations are right, he will go missing, BUT each time we meet, and we are bound to, he will feel a stab. Will he try to make ammends? That's a long shot, and I better he doesn't. I only need him to feel bad, so he gets depressed, his work suffers and so his career. And what if it doesn't work out? Well, not liek I care much for him, I actually got quite some profit from this, and it was a dipping into some feelings, which I was able to record to use later for writings, not to mention a fresh look for potential characters in future works, so the damage would be an extra bonus. You see, when you go around stuff like this taking credit is not exactly ... "desired". You could be labeled "psychopath", and that not necessarily lands you some "diazepan", but could certainly hurt your chances to... keep... "practicing", if you know what I mean. Either way, if I suceed, do you think he will realize that this or that is "my doing"? No. People who get depressed, specially but such sly things do not realize what's the source of their sorrow. And it is far better that way. He remains with the regret while I have moved away and keep the smirk, and a giftbag full of goodies. ^_^

Now comes the X-rated part. I went to Victor's and we had a nice time. I met his straight friend, yet another César and *smirk* me made out like it was the end of the world. Then I met with Iván and the other César, so I was kind of jumping from one César to the other. ^_^ pretty much like the Roman Empire. Hehehehe... Got hammered, and I mean fucking hammered, to the point of me doing really... really... crazy and unexpected things. No, not like the things people has told me I've done before, so I did not got naked and I did not start a fight, but it seems I did end up with some pictures of some people and some phone numbers. Oh, and I was dragged to the stage where all the insanity started. Of course, I was in no shape to go home, or so I believe (unless something else happened I'm not aware of) so I woke up at Ivan's. I went home, took off my party clothes, showered and hit the bed with one hell of a hangover. Shit, since 2001. I forgot what it was like to be so wasted. I thought I would not be in shape for partying on Saturday, when I received a call around 16 hrs. I was K.

"Hi... do you remember me?"

Oh fuck... so it did happen...

"Umm... yeah, sure! How do you do, Honey?"

Small chat.

"I can't meet you today at Babylon's. I've got sick."

Oh... we were supposed to meet? Fuck! Who was going to tell me???

"Oh... what a shame, Sugar. But it's okay!"
"We can meet on Sunday..."

Partying three days on a row is a bit much for an adult, old woman like meself.

"Suuuuure..."

Bye-bye. See ya. Take care.

It was surreal. Fuck, what the hell did I get into? I grabbed the phone and dialed Ivan's number.

"Hello?"
"When the FUCK was someone to tell me about K!!!?"
"Hahahahahaha!"

I swear, were he not gay and my current best buddy and drink buddy and someone I love so deeply, I would be peeling back his skin with a salt rock! Around seven I've got an SMS from Ivan telling me to go to his place. Well, I was still in my dying bed, but it was time to rise and shine, so I put on my pretty Benetton black dress and went to my friend's, thinking we would hit the bar. Well, not really. My dear and ever so beloved friend, may he be eternally blessed, was there with a friend, doing some work. Work-work, not "work". And may I say, his friend is a vision from Heaven! Oh dear. Well, Ivan is permanently surrounded by the most beautiful men who have ever walked on the face of the Earth, but this astonishing piece of work was... Well, look at him yourself! Wouldn't you love to be a laptop? I know I do. ^_^ He's nice and cool, and took all of Ivan's queer joking rather good, which put me off, because he has this "straight" thing about him. You know, gays have this "gaydar" thing, which allows them to identify each other. Well, when a straight fellow like myself starts to find his or herself quite often in the gay scene, I believe we also develop something like that, only in our case it's a "straightdar". Well, my straightdar was telling me that this dude was off, because no matter how at ease he was and how much he was participating and fully presenting himself like a queer, he had the straight aura. Well girls, he is straight. Straight and open minded. I had not much to do, except to watch them work and eventually join a line of talk or another, with which both Albert (the guy) and Ivan kept me pleasantly busy. It does was a bit uncomfortable to be in full party gear with them so relaxed. "Overdressed" was an understatement.

Well, Albert wasn't going to party with us, but as soon as he was gone, I grabbed Ivan's arm and pressed my forehead to it.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Well, you have seen him: wouldn't you thank him too? ^_^ We had a talk about Albert and then some ESP things. It wasn't up to that point that I realized Ivan had in his bedroom a figure I had been dreaming with for ages. We went then into talking about stuff that has happened to us and premonitions and other stuff that really has no place in here, nor anywhere else, but between him and me. I did do something evil: I wished death upon someone (strangely while thinking also of someone else...) by using a new mantra. It would have thought that Ivan would stop me from formutaling such a hate filled wish, but he did nothing. Odd. Anyone deep into occultism and witchcraft is well aware that things come back three times, so you must remain away from ill, particularly something as poisonous and hatefull as what I formulated. Why did I do it when I1m aware of it? ^_^ Because I'm Lutheran. ^_^ Will my wish be granted? I reformulated it this morning, but I doubt it will be fulfilled. It was ... great, though. It gave me something.

So, we went partying, and this time around something came loose. I have no idea what the hell happened, but I became something like a magnet. A gay magnet. If I tell you that I was kissed by five guys throught the night, one of them my very own friend (and that felt totally like incest, and not the cool book-like incest, but the weird and "this is off" kind), I might be forgeting people. Not like I mind, but the administration did. O_O Yep, at one point the manager came down from the VIP section and told me that if I was caught kissing a GUY again I would be escorted out and never again allowed in. To say I was flabbergasted would be an understatement. I just went on automatic with a smile on to cover my surprise and my frozen state. It is really something hard to process, so let me guess if I can work it out right, and really, if there is ANYONE who can help me understand, please, do so. First of all, yes, I know it is a gay bar and that's why I go there: because it is safe, because I am not the target of people. I am just human, not a sexual being that must display to get fucked, nor a warm body that can be fucked. I'm left alone. Yes, I was kissing... GAY GUYS! That doesn't even count, come on! I mean, I do love Iván, César... and all the others, but like friends, so that kissing is not sexual, is... friendly. Oh well, the first time, thanks to César, I thought it was, like it shouldn't really be going on, because he is gay, but then you fall into the cycle and, well, if they are doing it, why not? Feels good, it's fun... go at it. Then it comes the manager and berates ME. Oh, she had been watching me all night.

1. If she had indeed been watching all night, and not probably just when the hottest gay guy of the bar, who became the crush of the main Trasnsvestite, helped me off the stage and smooched the sugar out of me, she would have noticed that I was the one being kissed, not the other way around -- save for two cases... out of like 20! SO, why was I being berated and not the gay guys?

And this question just bring me to my next observation.

2. "I", the straight was the one berated for doing something everybody else was doing. Or is it that I'm supposed to check my heterosexuality at the door, pick it up when I leave? There's people kissing in there, but I can't do it... well, unless, of course, I kiss a girl, I guess, unless I can't even kiss a table because I've been already pegged as straight. And here comes the thing that upset me: I was and I am being discriminated for my sexual orientation. Ain't like I was making a scene or something. No, I was being kissed like many others were, but since it was an "intersexual" kissing, namely a kissing between people of different genders, I was considered an unsuitable behavior. Who the fuck cares who am I kissing or who kisses me? Isn't that between me and who kisses me? No, it's a management matter.

Needless to say, that ruined my mood. Each time one of those cute guys came to kiss me, starting by my neck (my dress is strapless), I had to turn them down with the same phrase: "The management has forbidden it." Poor guys looked at me surprised.

"You've got to be kidding me..."

I wasn't, and yes, the problem felt entirely about me being straight and "showing it off". I was a minority that had to be repressed, kept shut like a shameful secret. "Oh my! That deviant over there likes guys! Yuck!" The guys, sweet darlings came to dance with me and hugged me. They kept telling me how pretty I was and how good I kiss and that if they were straight they would date me. God bless their loving souls!

In the middle of my anger, as I was taking the resolution to never go back there again, since a place that can't accept me as I am, may not profit from my money, I stopped thinking that maybe this is the business. Gay people is being currently discriminated from most places for their sexual orientation. Yes, outside Babylon's WE are the ruling majority. Yes, they can't be as free as we are, kissing in public places, allowed to bestowe upong our loved ones all the tokens of affection we want. Straight people would hardly keep their sexuality a dark secret at work. We don't go around showing it off, as being straight is what's expected, nor must we hide when we are dating someone... unless there's something about the person itself that must be hidden. Yes, the straight world to which I belong outcasts gay people. Gay bars start to appear more and more around the world, and gay pride parades and stuff. Gay people must have found out by now that there's a lot of straight people who support them and wish them to live in the same conditions, with the same rights we do. There are lots of straight people supporting them in their fight to be allowed to get married and adopt children. We are not the enemy: close minded people is. Well, flash news: gay people can be close minded too.

It is childish to ban us because some of our places ban you. Don't you think that if we are in your bars and drink with you, help out your business with our money and bringing friends, then we are on your side? That we do not judge you? No. You can't take it against the straight people who might not like you, though none of them have come to thrash the bar, you mind, but you take it against those inside: your trapped prey. You are taking them against those who can become agents of positive change. Or is it that what you fear? How bad would it be for the business to suddenly have all bars open for all sexual tendencies? Imagine, people going to the cooler, more hipper places to dance and drink, where the sound system ACTUALLY works, there's a larger variety of drinks, the DJ's are actually prefessionals and the place doesn't look like about to fall into pieces. Yeah, if you don't keep your market trapped by this hideous discrimination, you will actually have to start doing something good. Hmmm... that would be so bad, right? That's when I decided to go back on my decision, and come back to the bar, never to kiss a guy in there again, no matter how hot César or Victor or whom ever looks like, but in return, be the mean little witch I am, and invite them over to my turf. There are plenty of places where Babylon is, so why not to be in both at the same time? Cool, bring your date, lets go goofy, check out hot het guys... and spend out money in the straight places. ^_^ And in there, I am the Queen of the Night, I am the one with the right to kiss and be kissed on my terms.

As a coup de grace, I will go back as soon as I get a shirt custom made with a symbolic phrase, a warning. ^_^ Who said I can't turn misfortune to my very own profit? ^_^ Watch and learn. This is not over. ^_^

Statement

I hate this feeling. I hate it. I hate being rendered so helpless, so vulnerable and so... peeled. The skin of my heart has been removed and now I'm made scream and cry ever so sadly and ever so bitterly by the softest touch of air. Wrapped so tight in my pain, choking with feelings and helplessness, I tried to ease my pain by torturing someone else, rendering these same feelings of impotence to a dear friend of mine. I'm suffering and I refused to suffer alone. I picked one of my dearest friends... MY DEAREST of all friends, and slowly filled his eyes and ears with images of witnessed perfection. I had to do it, every fibre of my being, the cold, smirking, evil Ice Queen shouting furiously for blood. Insane with pain and frustration, like an incarnation of Elizabeth Bathory beating maidens into bloody pulps, an Evil Queen wishing the death upon Snowwhite. Pain made me cry, and so I had to pull the world down with me into this sickening swirl of angst. May the world cry my sorrow for me, suffering under my hand, by the brutal spell of my words until my heart fills with ice again and no tenderness, no beauty, no smile, no soul can reach out and touch me again.

So I remembered... that angel I saw yesterday and described him to my friend. A beautiful boy-man in the dark, walking in the night, shy and shrugging away from the chilly fingers of the breeze. So pale and young against the ageless darkness of the sky that leaked into the the street drinkign away the colors and soaking them with an old, independent film like graying quality. The lively colors drawned away, fashion and harsh screams of attention, limelight sent home, called to serve the other half of the world with celebrities and IN news and fashion and big names and shine, shine, shine. Out of harsh colors, only thoughts floated in the air, serenity and introspection hanging in the night in deep pensiveness of death. An angel, like a shrad of light, a piece of sun left behind, shining like a strike of moon, slid his evanescent body among the graps of so many untouchable, dematerialized ideals crowding the night, seeking to be undisturbing, goal which failed due to his extreme, untouchable beauty.

In all my evil, my desire to inflict pain, I started my description with a harsh weapon: "barely eighteen, pale, tall, dark blonde, lanky, with the face of an angel and the body of a boy. Ever so perfect, so soft, so fresh, such unblemished skin, you feel compulsively compelled to lick it, rub into it and cum all over it. Complexion so light, so white, so snow-like, the cum that escapes his supreme lips, splashes on his cheeks is never to be found with eyes." But my evil did not touch his heart, as he was comforted by the dark night promise of a warm body to roll over with, scramble sheets and howl silent whispers into breath aged air. Missing the count on the miles of skin kissed over, the lenghts of flesh pumped, the loads swallowed, no air fairy, no matter how beautiful was to dent his soul, and my anger, my impotence, my attempt to hurt, inflict pain and have someone shout loud the pain I carry inside, scrambled falling into pieces at my feet, turning into ashes, impossible to touch, far beyonf repair. I had been defeated with the ease of a stronger heart fed with the bread of touch, sated with the wine of moans. So I was left to my pain, my anger, my unquenched thirst for blood and vengeance. A feeling I can't rip out of my heart, clawing into me like a vicious falcon sent to make me aware of my humanity. A defeated Ice Queen thorn into pieces by a poet, a dreamer, a soft human being ever so beautiful in his warm fragility.

Yes, it seems that Good conquers upon Evil, that the world leaves, at the end, no place for the mean and the cruel and I fall into pieces and cry, my tears and hurt washing me away into numbness, into the wish to cold in my body, the peace of my inner drum, the silence in my veins... and I curl into myself, my stories and fantasies only an echo in the back of my head, a sad reminder of the untouchable, dangerous monster I used to be before the valiant, romantic, poet-Hero turned me much to his unaware, into a suffering, pained human being.

Oh, how I despise being in love!

Invitation

This is what I call a good friend. My dearest, loveliest, most beloved friend, Iván kindly invited me this Thursday to Kashmir. Open bar, loads of rave and booze, and did I mention rave? And the booze? We were partying on Saturday, some great party, and had an awesome time! We reconnected after AGES of not seeing each other, like since high school and we are getting along so well, like you can't believe it! Then again, how could you not get along with someone tipping you of the best parties in town? Buddies in booze and buddies in crime. ^_^ Baby, I am booked! You can join me, though at Kashmir...