Blessed Litha!

Property of Stormberry

It's taking me time to write lately. Have I told you that I've embarked in the adventure of writing a novel with the express intent of having it published? Yes, there's that. That that went all good and nice for two days through which I literally psyched myself with non-stop Nickleback music to get me into the right mood for this particular story, and now I'm stuck. The story still keeps rolling inside me, and I can see it in my head - and it should be much easier to write than others, because this is based on my story with Feds - but no new words get typed down.

I'm staring at the weird spiked wheel in my bullet journal, and the goals I scribbled for 2019, and I'm so freaking behind the post-quota for my Hungarian blog that... yeah. That's happening. Other yearly goals and resolutions are also dragging and lagging behind, but what would be of life if we didn't leave behind some of those good intentions? Imagine a year in which you conquer all of your resolutions. The next year you would have to come up with NEW ones! Oh boy no, leave some to be recycled.

So, shall we talk about Litha? This is the sabbath of light, Midsummer's Eve, the day of the year when we have the most of sunlight, and the shortest night. Some parts of the world have no night at all. As a person drawn to the darkness, I find this depressing. Yet still, light has a place and a purpose in life, and this year for me, it means "bring things to light". It's time to face things, but also to recognize things, good things, we often don't want to admit to. Facing things often mean to us, having to admit to negative, uncomfortable aspects of ourselves or things and situations and circumstances that we do not want to deal with.

Light for me, also means the things we have shed and the things that have come to my life as result. The cycle ending with this last thesis I'm doing, the breaking with Starbucks and the journey I've started in search of my next coffeeshop-of-my-soul. Being also that my spirit has been making waves in the realm of romantic contacts, I think I'll also review that and whether I'd like to step on more firmly into the ground of dating. This is a tricky turf for me, because I know I don't want to have a relationship of any kind. I don't want routines, commitments, compromises, regular dates, meeting friends and family... I don't want anyone attaching to me, or starting to calculate me into their lives... because I won't return the favor. I don't do "couple". But being that I actually decided to write this story with Feds to exorcise him out of my system, I thought that maybe a somewhat steady influx of harmless fun could be a nice way to keep my head and spirit fed with... human entertainment. Yes, I know it sounds awful, but I really don't know how to explain it well.

You see, in a hook up or a fling, I kinda look for certain things. It's not just the sex, but also the conversation. A person can really be good in bed, but if their conversation is flat, superficial, boring, then I feel like I'm not fed. Like that happened with the physician I met last year: he was rather nice and socially a catch, but there wasn't really any sort of conversation I could follow with him. There has to be something in the brain, thoughts and connections and old books stored there, which they can recall and talk about.

Other people have other needs, but these are mine: food for the spirit, food for the body. And these are some of the things I bring today to light, in Litha, to contemplace, rejoice in them and decide how to work with them from here on.