Halloween!

Happy Halloween to all! ^_^What can I say? This is ma favorite "holiday" even if it isn't celebrated here, nor I've ever been in a place where it were celebrated. I wanted to organized a common lunch with my coworkers yesterday to sort of celebrate it, or take it as an excuse for all of us to be mates, not only coworkers and feel good. The group wasn't game for it. Oh well, the spirits aren't the same for a while now.

My spirit didn't broke though, and since my coworkers wouldn't play nice and wouldn't participate in any friendly, bonding activity, I was left to my own devices. My own devices took me today to take a fun and resting day all for myself today... after the bank-tour.

My day started at 6:47 am when my boyfriend woke me up. Quick shower and my favorite cotton clothes: black gym pants, wide legs, black 3/4 sleeve shirt and grey dress wur no sleeves and a hoodie. What can I say? I love that outfit. Then I spoke to Kari over the Skype for less than an hour, and finally left on my bank tour. I was thinking about visiting Cynthia to give her a chance to talk about her boyfriend so she could get over him, but that plan went down the sewer as both Cyn and Rosario had plans. Hell, having kids, or kids&hubbie is a ticket for a boring, depressive, unsatisfying, grey, dull life. Hn, I should talk to Kari and tell him that marriage ain't a good idea. Waaaah~ they simply seem so... down.

Anyway, I ran my errands and then went to Paseo Las Flores. Damned if that commercial center looks bad. The movie section is going through remodelation, so it seemed the first part of my plans were doomed. I did want to go to the movies and watch "Gestación", a Costa Rican movie. So I went here and there, bought some colored tissue paper at the Home Depot to stack up my gift wrapping pool. I was going to buy an acrilic picture frame, but none of the ones I found there was right. I did pick up one, but when I was about to pay for it, I saw that it was chipped, so I gave it back.

I actually was looking for a pencase, a really small one that could hold a pen or two, for those times when I have to pack light my purse, but I don't want my pen rolling around the Universe inside there. Found none. At the end, since I had gone to a groceries store and bought there a tube of gumballs (because it had a Halloween Pumpkin on it, and I was desperately looking for a Halloween Pumpkin), I decided I'll reuse that one for light pencase. Then again... maybe not. Well, maybe I'll just crochet one for myself. Maybe use the uncapped plastic tube.

After the shopping and walking around, I've got hungry, so I went to score some food. I was thinking on something like a Subway soup or something, but the Food Court was packed to capacity, so no. Specially since I wanted to sit quietly and write in my journal. I ended up in Ichiban, where I tried a Soto Roll, which isn't so good, and an Orange Kiss, the first sweet sushi I've ever tasted.

The dessert looks lovely, but the rice paper that wraps the peach sushi sticks to the place to the point where you have to wrestle it off the place. Once you place it in your mouth, it seems to expland and holds up so well it makes it hard to chew and not choke on the piece. I took my sweet time, lagged with my Soto Roll and my Orange Kiss, a coke and then Club Soda. It felt good to have time to write in my journal, I had almost forgot the feeling of getting lost in pen and paper, scribbling words that won't be revealed to anyone else. It's amazing. It's the communion with oneself. A deep experience.

After that I went back to the movies just to make sure it was really closed, which would make it weird why were all the people at the mall. Well, it was working. Dirty, ugly, crammed but working, and they were showing the movie I wanted to see. So I got my ticket and then went to spend 1 hour 20 minutes while it started. I ended up in Librería Internacional, always a great place to be, and browsed around, mainly looking for a CD of Peregrino Gris. I've got the CD, and then bought also a book, "The Eye on Jade" by Diane Wei Liang, translated in Spanish. I know, I usually read only in English, French or Hungarian, but this time I wanted something to pass time, maybe some Vonnegut (which wasn't on supply), but I was looking mainly for a quick read, something to occupy myself while the movie started. The book seems good.

The movie was lovely. Simple, using commonplaces, and yet very enjoyable. Many people has critizice it for touching an overly worked topic: the teenager pregnancy, but I found the topic quite up to date. There were a few fairy-tale elements, but all in all the movie worked out magnificently. It was upsetting that some people were loud and constantly talked at the movie, but all in all it was a good experience.

This is what I needed. My head hurts a bit, my eyes, but I feel good. I look forward for the rest of the weekend, and getting my batteries recharged. ^_^

Newspaper Oddities or News, B Side

A bloggerine friend of mine, Luna de Abril, wrote today a post about "B Side Music", which was pretty much about that "other side" of you, and specifically the "other side music", which is that music you can't resist even though is not part of your Top 40, iTunes Hits or All Time Hyper-Favorites. She asked her readers what was their "B Side Music", and there she caught me on the headlights like a cat. O_O Dude, I listen to a whole arrange of "B Side Music"! Many times don't even know the name of the singer or the title of the song, but I simply like it. So I was in trouble. I'm not a "rocker" or a declared "hip-hop" chick or anything of the sort, so I don't really feel I've "that odd and secret kind of music I rather not talk about". Actually, as a matter of fact, the question "What's your favorite kind of music?" is the one I dislike the most because I don't really-really have that kind of definition. I mean, I know I basically dislike the 80's fashionwise and musicwise, but other than that... I dig a lot of things.

However the "B Side" matter stuck with me until perhaps an hour ago I found my "B Side". I've "B Side News". You know, those news and those articles you usually are not looking for, because you look for other stuff, but if they cross before your eyes you HAVE to read it. In my "A Side News" I pretty much go for the usual: Telecommunications, Economics, Global Politics, Political Scandals (these are my Gossip-feed!), National Politics, stuff related to the Attorney General, the Fed, Major Banks, Fraud, and NO MIDDLE EAST. The name of any Middle East location is enough to make me leave a topic. Africa in general pulls me, particularly political and social issues, but the whole Israelies and Arabs and their stuff gets me S-I-C-K. This is my "mainstream". There were the "Infiltrated" ones, which I never really considered, because often we think we "don't read them that much", but it happens that my "B Side News" are... quite strong in my reading. I can't say no to crime news. Murdered children, passional crimes, serial killers, corpses found, runaway kids, people abused by others, human trafficking.

Perhaps it's not so shocking, giving the fact that I watch loads of crime shows (all CSI's available, NCIS, all Law&Order available, The Mentalist, Criminal Minds, Cold Case... you name it), but it did surprise me, since there's a "thing" about reading this stuff. You shouldn't be avid to read it... or is it just my imagination?

Well, death does pull a lot of interest.

Bridges

A few weeks ago started officially the political race towards the presidency of Costa Rica. I say officially because up until one or two weeks ago only one party had its ads posted all over the place... for the last two years. Naturally said party was the one currently on power. Of course that's not a legal thing to do, and our Political Constitution (like our Magna Carta, or simply our Constitution) do not allow it, but then again, it's not like our politicians were subject to The Law, particularly not our President.

This elections come to the country with a somewhat sour taste, as the memory of the last elections, won by twisting arms and changing our laws so that this men could reelect himself as president again, and loot on our country is still fresh. Fresh is still as well the memory of the Referendum, won by the supporters of the CAFTA, where the President, who should have remained on the margin of it took every available chance to talk about it, promote it and even blackmail people, to my understanding (I've been told there's a video about him pretty much conditioning the building of schools and roads to the approval of the CAFTA), where the political truces were not observed by the CAFTA party, where public funds were diverted to fund this campaing, where nothing was done when humble factory workers were threatened with their jobs if the CAFTA didn't pass, were offered rides to vote if they voted yes, and they had to present a picture taken with a cellphone of their vote, their SECRET vote to prove they have kept their end of the bargain.

So what's running two years ahead to wash people's mind? Presenting the face of a woman that has little to none empathy and she has showed it often, turning to what the President had to offer rather than listening to the people. like her mentor, she refused to go to public debates with other presidential candidates, and lies. Her campaing is nothing but a carbon copy of that of her mentor, filled with empty words, devoided of concrete plans and actions. It's a popularity race, not one of ideas and proposals. Behind her gathered strong political and financial arms to put her in the Presidential Chair by May 1st, 2010, by any necessary means. Indeed the troop is not above cheating, as they have often proved it.

However slowly the bridges came to trample the "unblemished" image of the new pupet of the Government. There was a "situation" with the Juan Santamaría International Airport, which wasn't adecuate, with half done renovations in the hands of private concessionaires what needed more money to finish what they had promised with an already offered and aproved licitation contract. And so it seems that our Transport and Infrastructure Minister paid them. There are also some ports, among them the Caribbean port, an important port for Costa Rica, currently in Public hands, with a strong Union, which this Government is trying to give to private hands. (Okay, I kind of see it dangerous to give away all ports, air and sea to private hands, specially when much or four economy, if not all, depends on them... but that's just me.) Interestingly the Government offered around $130 million to the workers of this port so that they give up the port. When you see these numbers, and lets not think about the blatant corruption going on here, the buying of wills, you'd say that the Government has money.

A lot of roads and highways are given in consession to be "built" when they are already built, and the only thing that happens is an annoying traffic jam for month only to end up with the exact same road or highway now with a 100 m segment of 8 lines (the rest is your average 2 line road) to accomodate 8 tollboots to charge $2,5 for a pass that used to be $0,15. Good thing I have no car nor I live that way. And this is done to several already existing roads and highways. Of course, there's another highway that have been in project some 40 years already (my dad was a kid when the project started), but it hasn't been... well, ain't even hald way, for what I've heard, BUT they are already charging for the already built part.

I guess part of that money must come back to the Government, not to mention all the taxes you must pay for cars, which is another reason I don't want a car (in Costa Rica. I'll most likely have one in Hungary). So, I'd say, there's money there.

Then a metallic piece in a bridge between Alajuela and San José... and pretty much in Heredia... goes loose. It has to be replaced. There are HUGE traffic jams, and a private enterprise replaces this piece, known in Spanish as "platina". It was a whole lot of money to replace that thing. Next day the "platina" fails. Dude, for so much money, at least let it be good for a year before it goes bad again! It's replaces again for a whole frigging lot of money and it's still "not so good". Okay, this starts to look bad on the Government. It's an important road connecting two, even three populous provinces, with heavy traffic and no real alternative roads. The "Masterminds" decide that repairing the bridge will take four to six months during which it should be closed in both directions. So how to reroute the traffic? No idea. Either alternative route is already collapsed. It has been since 20 years ago (curiously since the middle of the first period of our current President. Isn't that odd?) The Twitters go crazy with #laplatina topics all over the place. It's a stain, but the Government, the President and his current presidential candidate pupet do what they do best and ignore the topic. They are above any platina issue, and they pretend nothing has happened.

Well, yeah, only that this past Thursday another bridge put yet another stain on their campaing and Administration.

If you live or have been to Costa Rica, you've probably seen those "hanging bridges" in the non-capital-city or non-province-capital-city areas that really test your bravery. Yeah, those "Converting Bridges" (converting because whether you believe in God or not, you feel fear and cross muttering "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God", and when you reach firm land you sigh and feel like falling on your knees, kissing the land and break into prayer and adoration to the Lord who has saved you. A positively religious experience). Costa Rica has many and I have been "blessed" with the experience of crossing some of them.

This Thursday in Turrubares the prayers weren't answered, the bridge fell and five people died. But before you go blaming God, let me remind you that God is not in charge of the Infrastructure and Transportation Ministerium. This bridge was one of the several in critical conditions around the country. It was one of the bridges presented a year ago in a news' piece about life threateing bridges in the country. The images of the wavering brigde back then were shocking. Notes and letters from the communities and concerned comissions were sent to the Minister with no answer.

For this particular bridge there was a program sponsored by the Government of Taiwan. The money, the planning, everything was done and ready to be replaced. Clean donation money. Then our President decided wisely to break relations with Taiwan in order to tie relations with China. Well, Taiwan in a gesture of grandeur said it won't leave projects half done, but would finish them. (So, technically the clean donation money for the bridge is still there??) China offered no bridges, but hey, they made a crater where our National Stadium used to be, mamed birds and dogs around it, filled it with Chinese workers (not a dime goes to Costa Rica for even their wages are paid IN China), build walls and isolated them completely, and as result they'll give us a new National Stadium... scribbled on the walls with Chinese legends, far bigger than their translation to Spanish. (Kind of feel like our Indian ancesters when the Spanish came over.)

So, somehow there was no new bridge and after a bus crossed it, there was no bridge at all. Strangely, a few hours after the catastrophe, the neighbours noticed how personel from the Ministerium run to place brand new signs all over the place indicating that the bridge was dangerous. By then there was no bridge, so there was no danger. Of course, the Minister tried first to say that it was the fault of the bus driver because he should have known that the bridge was dangerous. The whole town shut her up signaling that the signs were placed AFTER the bridge fell. Besides yes, everybody KNEW the bridge was dangerous, prove of it are the hundreds of letters sent, but the Minister did nothing.

The Minister did all in her power to pin the blame on anyone but herself. The busdriver for crossing the bridge, enven though the route was aproved by the Ministerium, and said Ministerium never really went checking that a transbord were done at the bridge. The bus company for running an unauthorized bus, as if the evil were the given bus and it wouldn't have happened under any other car. And then again, wasn't the Ministerium the one that authorized the route and failed to check on it? Then came the excuse that there were a lot of problems that couldn't be tackled in 3-4 years. Is it so? But, this Minister was the Viceminister of the same Ministerium in the prior Administration, so she has already been there.... 7-8 years?

Then there was the excuse of being no money. Okay, a study by the people involved in the Taiwan project, as well as the Engineering Craft indicated that you needed $900 thousand to build the bridge. The Minister said they needed $15 million for 10 bridges. That would be an average of $1,5 million per bridge, and if we don't think that there's a ruse here, some corruption, then why not starting with the cheapest bridge? The one that takes only $900 thousand? Yes, right, I forgot: No money.

Okay, I'll recap:

1. There's money to pay Alterra when it exceeds its estimated costs for improving the Airport.
2. There's money to concession roads and highways that are already there.
3. There are $130 million to bribe the Caribbean Port workers.
4. There's money to pay TWICE a failed platina.
5. There aren't $15 million for 10 life threatening bridges.
6. There aren't $900 thousand for reparing a bridge, which could have saved 6 lives.

Add to it, the materials needed to build the new bridge were rusting and rotting away in the wearehouse of the Ministerium for already 2 years. Since a year ago they had a note issued by the Engineering Craft, the highest Authority in the matter, that the bridge wouldn't make it to 2010. And then, wasn't it true that Taiwan was going to finish the projects signed here? What happened with that?

Pressure built upon the Minister until she finally resigned yesterday. Up to the last moment the President said that he supported her and that he was HAPPY with her work. He added "I put her there, and only I'll decide if she leaves or stays. And I'm happy with her work". What work? Wasting money and killing people? And now, even after she resigned (curiously her resignation isn't irrevocable), the President said he expects her to think things over.

He shows again his superbity is taxing for the country. If the people doesn't think the way he wants then to think, then he will bully them into it. He separated the Government from the people, mocking them when he or his brother were questioned, berating the powers, bullying. But now, mocking, disregarding so blatantly he outrage and pain of the people will cost him, and could very well cost his party's presidential candidate the election. So close to the elections, which will be held the first Sunday of February, this isn't something that could be washed away. Not when the Minister declared in a press conference that the Government, the State (and therefore the Party and the President) have failed the people.

There's only one way to win these elections. Mark my words. Through heavy duty corruption.

Bridges and death are opening Costa Rica's eyes.

Animals

If you have a pet, love it, don't hurt it.
If someone around, a friend, a family member, a neighbour has a pet, respect it, don't hurt it.
We are animals too, only from a different species. If these adorable animals love us, why can't we love them back?

Please, don't hurt them.

Note: I am a meat eating person, and I have no problem wearing wool or leather. I do have a problem with people that torture animals. I don't think we would all go vegetarians, because plans have the same right to live as animals, but I do believe that we must be rational, don't kill more than what we eat or what we need to wear.

What Ever Happened toTiziano Ferro?

Fame is indeed a fickle thing. Chasing it is as insane as running purposefully towards unhappiness. Many sacrifice themselves for this kind of dream only to either get worn off by the constant running, never reaching peace, never really sure about having achieved their goal, or simply fall and get stamped over, burried under mockery and indifference.

Yesterday I was remembering one of these flickering stars, a lovely Italian singer known to the world as Tiziano Ferro. Sang song both in Spanish and Italian, maybe even in English, and was regarded for a speck por a moment, as the next Eros Ramazzotti. Then, one day he went missing, wiped off the face of the Universe as if he had never existed in the first place. The radio stations stopped broadcasting his songs, MTV stopped showing his vids and the magazines stopped printing his pictures on glossy paper. For someone who simply enjoyed his music, the sudden disappearance of the performer of songs such as "Perdono", "Non me lo so spiegare", "Sere nere" and "Rosso Relativo" was a mystery. The question hung in the air like the title of a horror movie from the black and white days. "What Ever Happened to Tiziano Ferro?" The answer to this is far more bizarre than a movie by Robert Aldrich.

Stupid or not, Mr. Ferro was victim of his own fans, and fell under to thinking he had the right to an opinion and that he could voice it. It is said that once, in Italy, he commited the fatal mistake of saying that Mexican women are ugly. I've never been to Mexico, but from everyone who has been there I've heard one thing: beautiful cities, HIDEOUS women. It's like the ugliest women in the world are born there. And the thing is that it seems Mexican women don't look exactly like their telenovela counterparts, but they are just as vain, and so this mob of ugly women drawned him, pulled him down and stamped him into the mud.

From the point of view of an average person, this sounds ridiculous. So what if he thinks that Mexican women are ugly? He's job is to sing, not to ooze praises to women around the world. But truth is that the "right to an opinion" is exclusive of the mob. Regular people can have an opinion, celebrities have the opinion the people wants them to have. Looking at this I wonder why is there people still trying to be famous? Or is it that they already have no opinion, so they don't mind others telling them what should they think?

On the other hand, there's more sorrow in this incident that simply the denying of a human being to his opinion. There's the impact on women about one men thinking that they are ugly. First of all, why is it so important what one guy thinks? And if it weren't just one guy, but many, many guys, then what? A woman won't be prettier or uglier simply because others believe her one way or the other. Ugly, pretty, these are things that matter only when you think them about yourself. If you think you are pretty, then you are, and if you think you are ugly, then you are ugly. But no.

In pretty much every society the one worth women have are "beauty". Women dress up "to kill" and are expected to walk around looking beautiful and desirable. They must buy creams and make up and designer clothes and in exchange they expect to be called beautiful, because if they are not, then they are flawed. Naturally, many women, when called "normal" or "ugly" rant againt the "offender" instead of either give it a rat's ass, or doing something about it. But then again, with beauty feed you? Will beauty dress you? Will beauty educate you? Will beauty make you a house? And even if it does, what will happen when beauty wilts away? And this is the same question, the same topic I have been writing about for quite some time now.

LADIES: BEAUTY IS IRRELEVANT IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON FIRST!

Be... something. Have a personality. Have dreams, goals, temper, strenght... Measure yourselves by who you are, what you are capable of, through your virtues and flaws, through the things that make you who you are, and that stay, that remain with you, not flimsy things like beauty or youth. Of course, such a philosophy could throw down a multi-million industry that builds upon the low self-esteem of billions of women, killing them into extreme thinness, making feel unworthy those whose size is healthy, and not a tenth of it, making them believe that there's no happiness without a Louis Vuiton bag, or a Manolo Blahnik pair of shoes.

Truth is that there's more to life than fashion and beauty, and this comes from a Swatch and Benetton fan, so I guess I do have a say in this. However I know, simply know that these words won't make a dent on those who live deep inside the belly of this evil. How could they, after all these people has invested in this mistaken believe? After years of devoting to beauty, years of making a self image based on shallow values, how could they turn back? When years weight on their shoulders, years that might be many or just a few, but none of them dedicated to what really matters? It must be beyond painful.

So, back to our Italian singer, could this be the root of his crime? Shedding up light on the fact that they were all failing at the one goal they have set out for themselves? Where have we gotten to with this twisted perception of ourselves and others, specially when we won't stop a second to think when it comes to sacrifice someone for the sake of these "ideals"?

Benchmarking Men

A job I( started doing at the company I'm working at, and I job I've become good at (pretty much) is benchmarking. I remember, when I started it was rather difficult, specially because my trusted coworkers of that time weren't willing to help me get the sources, though they have them. Little by little, though, I built up quite an amazing source base, and defined the parameters of my studies. Then, after three years of doing this my benchmarking projects stopped and I was left doing... well, you may have read a lot about it ^_^. In this new position I am in, the bechmarks came back, and though I still can tap my mobile sources, many of the current request leave me lost. Benchmarking for things that are not freely available on the net, that are not easily comparable, that can't so easily be processed to get a single figure kind of makes me rethink the entire process. Look around and then quite disappointedly realize that some of my coworkers have the data bases but refuse sharing them.

Yes, information IS power.

But today I do not wish to write about my job, but rather about how things spin off and something from job would be so good in another area of your life. This is today the case of the benchmarkings.

Recently a coworker of mine broke up (or more like "was broken up") by her long time lover. After more than ten years together and a daughter, the dude left her for a "newer model". Then again he is or was married to a woman older than my coworker, so the thought that pops in everybody's mind is "SUCKER!" when reading or hearing about the story. Why didn't she see that? Why did she take that motherf*** into her life? Well, that's a good question, but then again, what other stupid things do we do? Date a guy that turns out to be a lying s.o.b. that's out there to make us suffer, marry some guy who has already been married three times only to have him milk our hard earned money, beat us up and then somehow make it through a divorce, or fall into a guy who is just a player and would be lost by morning. Or even in other areas of our lives, and here I pull an example from my own life, get for thesis tutor a professor that has no sense of dedication and whose only interest in life is pulling some personal benefit from your job, while holding grudges and making everything in his power to get into the way of those who don't pay homage to him.

So with that "boss" that seemed to be such a nice person, such a good friend and turns out to be the biggest son of aa whore ever, turning the working environment into a hell of such magnitude not even Dean Winchester would have put up with. And so on and on and on on so many levels it makes you dizzy. And at the end of it, the claim "if I would have known in advance". My question now is, why don't we?

There's a site Don'tDateHimGirl, from which I heard from my friend Skylar. I've joined it but I still haven't got to its "real use".You see, back when I heard of it, it was about a chance to check on the guy you are dating, see what other people who have dated him before had to say. The idea seems good and radical, because after all, who takes the time to benchmark their dates? I dunno, but I, for once, have been thinking about meeting the exes of my boyfriend and hear what they have to say.

Sure, people act different depending on who are they with, but there's also the fact that an infatuated person would refuse to see the blatant flaws of his or her loved one. Then, regardless of who are you with, somethings don't change. Lack of attention, jealousy, insecurity, OCB... and wouldn't that be good to know in advance, so you can either drop the ball or prepare for it? Placing dates on a site, having an online data base of dates, and people in general, would be an awesome way to go by, but while we wait, we could make our own investigations, with "good, solid police work". Look for the acquintances of that person, ask around, get to know a bit of the background, prepare ourselves. But the truth is that we don't do it and will hardly do. We excuse ourselves saying that "when the heart chooses there's nothing else to do" and "I can't tell my heart not to love him", which is bullshit. A heartbreak can destroy love (in many cases), so why not to ease yourself out in a less painful way? Then, even when realizing of flaws, thinking "I can make him or her change" is a big, big load of balloney. You can't change a person, just as you can change yourself, your real self. So, why do we willingly run blindly into things, often pinning the blame of our rush, reckles behavior on "the heart" and "feelings" and other crap of the sort?

Furthermore, why do we make a study for something as intrascendental as a business, a service, a product, but refuse to make a benchmark, make a study for the things that really matter to us?

There's a question for you all.

Reality TV Craze

It's much like a nightmare, as you read somehow about "the boy in the balloon" story, covered up by the Twitter and the media, to then discover that it was all a scam planned by the family to get on a Reality Show, to get their own reality show. This definitivelly makes you thing about the way things were and what they've become. Truth is that if you look at it from far (and Hell, even close up) you can't but watch horrified at what it has become.


A while back "reality" was where you lived your life. You know, there were kids went to play, with other kids, games such as "seek and hide", "war", "gotcha", "thiefs and cops" or simply playing ball, biking around, racing on rollers, and all those games kids now know only on the 2.0 version or on Wii. Reality was where you lived your days, interrupted maybe by a book you were reading or a TV show you were watching. TV then hardly showed "real people", unless they weren't in some sort of contest game.

Then MTV presented up with "The Real World" and its subsequent versions. It wasn't "real reality" either, and the rumor was out there that the participants were given a script. At first it was some avant garde thing, a thing for the youth looking for something new. But then the TV wouldn't step out of it and several "reality" shaped shows started raining on us. There's less and less need of shows made with actors, as more and more time is eaten up by reality contests and sneak peeks into the lives of different "celebrities". The picture of reality they present, though is something so far away from real life, either peppered up with too much drama and tension, fights spurring up and down, rivalries and so on, or with tense peace and friendship, where the fake happiness slaps everybody on the face.

Sadly, as there are stupid people, people who would do just about anything for attention, stupid families also exist, and so, also attention whore families. For some reason, people craves for "fame", for being chased by photographers, as if that would automatically dump money and happiness (or just money, since the overwhelming majority of stupid people and attention whores seem to believe that money IS happiness) on their laps. But then, whatever reason they could pin on desiring so badly to be part of this new phenomenon, they use it as shield and religion to get there.

On one hand people "live" there, forgetting their own reality, and then they want to be there, be the "reality". Does it worth it to risk just about everything for it? Endanger members of the family, endanger loved ones, make them uncomfortable, commit a crime and maybe even get hurt or die? For some maybe it does. Maybe they don't know what's like to get hurt, living in such a sendentarian world where things happen on TV. Do they remember what was like to scrap a knee or an elbow, getting maybe a very bad wound, and then watch it for days as the shine goes away, the tender flesh changes color, becomes covered with a film of skin that doesn's ache with the air and the dust, and then a brown crust cakes on it, turning into a scab, waiting then for it to fall off, peeling it at times and discovering tender pinkish flesh beneath.

That's reality. Privacy, being unknown, growing up in your environment.

This story about the balloon boy made me get a hard, horrible glimpse of what other evils, annoying insanities come over people. There was a time when happiness was really the thing that was important. Family, the means to support it, a house, a dog, a white picked fence, going out for dinner, laugh, walk holding hands with your life mate, see the children grow and so on. This was happiness and this was reality. This was, but it seems today's world doesn't think that anymore.

The Envy of the Hypocrit Paupers

There's a commonplace running around nowadays in the lips of the paupers, and those who once belonging to the middle class have seen their efforts to climb up, to bourgeoise-up themselves trunked, sliding down into the lurky mudd of the lower, the lesser class, the class they have fought so hard to leave behing, to detach themselves from it while constantly, with affected poses claim to keep present their "humble roots". Such a presumptous commonplace is as follows: "There's people so poor all they have is money".

I'd love to see the hypocritical expressions on their faces if you were to dump a truckload of money on them, or touch their shoulders to offer them a seat in the Parlament. So much for their determination and their self proclaimed disdain toward the "vile metal". There's a speach common to them about how "love" and "friendship" and "values" are so much important, and how rich people with them is. However, are they?

People with money are not necessarily "emotionally pauper" or evil. Seeking vehemently the way to see them as "pauper"is nothing but an attempt to pull them into the swamp they are into, a desperate attempt to destroy in them the one thing their detractors envy. But why don't we look at some facts. For instance, if we are battling with commonplaces, I would like to pull out a popular saying that goes: "When hunger comes through the door, love jumps out of the window". I'm so sorry to tell you this, but "love" won't feed you, and values can't be spread on bread. Money IS necesary to survive on today's world unless someone can find the way back to selfsupporting. Love and friendship won't appease the hunger of a baby, or send a kid to school or get medical attention to the sick. And if you are thingking that among friends you can help each other, share the food, get the books to the kids, Honey, how do you think those things happen? With money, only not yours because in this example you have none, but on the money of your friends. Oh, and so sorry, but the romantic idea of having a teacher friend, a doctor friend and enough land in the backyard for all of you to farm is even more unrealistic than all of you taking a Two Year vacation in one of Jules Verne's books.

Our current society has grown on money, works with money and needs money, and that applies also to unrealistic looneys to involved in their own drama and eaten up by their own envy.

Secondly, there's the matter of the absense of all those prized features: love, friendship, moral, values, dignity, respect... Words elevated by the slipping selfloathing into big words. First of all there are many, many of these "features", which people can or cannot have. Claiming that someone has "only money" is misleading. Interestingly, things such as love, friendship, moral, values and all those are not in a negative correlation with money. You can have money and have all of them or have no money and neither one of them. Amazingly, you could lack of some of them and don't actually need it. For instance, how bad can life be if you have no values, or none of the socially claimed values? Yeah, sure, not the best kind of life, but there's some life to live in there. People can also live without love and friendship. People can live and be happy in loneliness, in isolation.

The matter with these is not whether you have money or not or any of the socially desirable values or not, but rather whether you "have yourself" or not. Do you know yourself, do you love yourself, do you accept yourself, are you capable of gasping happiness, are you capable of giving yourself happiness, are you capable of making your own happiness, or do you need it from others?

I'm not rich, and I'm not pauper either, granted, I may not have as many friends as other people, I may not see my friends as often as other people, and my lovelife might be different from that of other people, and it goes without saying that my values are certainly not those of other people (particularly when Pride is at the top of my list of Virtues and Humility at the top oy my list of Sins), but does that make me a "pauper"? No. I am a pauper if I feel that way, if I think of myself hat way, if my thoughts are contaminated with envy, with the craving for what I don't have, the indifference or disdain for what I do have and the hate for those who have what I don't. Am I rich? I don't think of myself that way. I believe myself, and I know myself blessed, happy and I do feel like I'm one of God's favorites, though God doesn't really have favorites because he do love us all equally and uniquely --- and yet still, as I look at my life, past, present and future and all the wonderful things I've been granted, I simply know, and not only deep inside my heart, but with absolute, rational, clear and present certainty that God loves me like crazy. ^_^

So, am I a "pauper" because I wear Benetton and Swatch, and I happen to have friends that can help me out with things other people could never access by their own means? Am I a "pauper" because I go to Europe once a year (at least) and spend a few days in Wien, a night in Paris and then throw something else in the mix instead of staying home, worrying about having kids and feeding them, instead of settling, getting married or not but either way have more kids that I can support only because "kids are a blessing"?And to make it even worse, am I a "pauper" and a "monster" because I believe that babies are ugly and disgusting and I can't stand them near them and their stench makes me sick?

Pauper is the envious, the one that lives out of the opinions and attention of others. Those happy with themselves are whatever they think and they want to be.

Hanging in the Moment

I feel... like filled with butterflies. But not the "I'm in love" butterflies, but the giddy ones. I'm wrapped in somebody's mind, a penpal, a messaging friend whose words and ideas are addictive like nicotine. Shall I dubb him Nico? The conversation among us is so rich and fluid and it splits up ripe and open, digging into the sweet honey dripping from a past of darkess and forbiden pleasures typed down for the secretive pleasure of those always cloaked by the use of many images different from their own, and names different from their given ones.

Such addictive, secretive pleasures, it's like descending to hell dancing each step, savouring the burning fumes of sulphur.

And so I was reminded of a time when I became the Confessor Priest of many, and the darkest sins were whispered into my ears in order to be granted redemption through falling into them, finding a pit to satisfy such unsuitable cravings, growing greedy for more.

I feel like sliding back to those warm, putrid pits of the net, dig for new flesh, new minds, new sins to feed on. It sounds so wrong, but it can't be more right. The hypnotizing beauty of that cloaked side of people, that cannot be revealed for many, many reasons, but which with understanding, a bit of comfort opens the doors of beautiful psyches.

It has been a Week Already?

Today my boyfriend noticed that I haven't written in a while. I though, oh, come on, what's a day or two compared to people that spend months in a row without as much as dropping a line. Then, I saw it wasn't a day or two, but rather a whole week. Oh yeah, a whole, complete week. Well, for what is worth, it has been a stressful week, with a lot of office-errands to run, and some job requests here and there, that had my head spinning because either they were old projects we have already filed away, or it was stuff I had no idea of, specially since some of my coworkers had nicely cut me off the project. (Must have been so contraproducent for them that it was the Boss himself that put me back in without knowing they made all posible efforts to get me out. Oh my... ^_^)

People usually speak ill about my boss, about how he plays favorites, how he takes other people's work and present it as his, and how he's despective with his subordinates. I do have caught him taking credit for things I know to be done by others, and furthermore, poorly executed projects for which I would not only not take credit for, but deny any involvement I may have had. However so far my boss has been nothing but nice to me. Well, here may lay some of the problems with my coworkers: though I'm clearly not his favorite, some are behaving in a mean way with me, and I have heard it is due to jealousy. This is were I wonder, why do people turn to mean behavior when feeling threatened at the job rather than working better? The only reasonable answer I can come up with is: "They can't work any better".

I've been very disappointed with some people also, whom I've discovered not being half as professional and good as they pretend to be. Those who try to impress talking about an issue and throwing facts and analysis, but then you realize that that's the only thing they know and that's the only analysis they have. When knowledge is reduced to having the "templates" or the contact to a given database, but there's no real work, no real research behind their words... that's so disappointing.

There was a moment this week where I felt lost: I had no idea how to make a calculation through any super mathematical formula, nor how to get the data. I was mulling on this when I came up with a solution while walking back to the office from one of the errands. It still wasn't that "high economical" solution that "I should produce", but then I went to talk to a coworker of mine and explained to him what I have come up to and the problems I saw in that. (Minor technicalities.) I was surprised to find out, that yeah, my economics 101 solution was pretty much the only solution presented. Soooo... people ain't working on that? Strange. It pissed me off some to realize that something we should have done in team work was given to him without letting me know, so I simply stood there waiting. That's annoying.

I'm working out some details for some stuff there, realizing suddenly that people in my department had the information all this time. Okay, what the heck is going on here? I have a few ideas about that.

So this week I have basically lost my confidence for a day and recovered it next day, discovered the phony attitude of some of my coworkers, which shouldn't be a surprise, and found out that some of them are not the people I believed them to be. I realized I could have friends also where I never imagined them to be, and then joined a penpal site, where in a matter of hours I started finding awesome people to write to. I learned a new word, or expression: snail mail. Also found out that I'm not alone in loving it, but there's a lot of people who loves to snail mail, and some of them think the same thing I do about it: it's more human.

I meet with Milena and we worked on our thesis, then went to Víctor's and we watched Supernatural. I still love that kid, but I'm finding less and less things to talk about with him. Is there a friendship reaching an end there? That remains to be seen.

A lot of things have ended and a lot of things have started in this week, and not only for me. A friend is finally moving to another office, and she finds herself now submerged in the bittersweet sea of hope for a chance to do what she's good at doing and the pain of leaving a loving circle of friends. Well, like everything in life, you usually give up one thing to get another, that's how it works and that's what makes experiences and changes valuable.

Penpals

It have been a few days now, but I've been thinking about getting myself a penpal (or two) to revive that ancient, old emotion of writing letters by hand, sending them and waiting for long weeks, sometimes months for an answer. If you have written letters before, you know the feeling I'm talking to you about: the best feeling in the world!

For years I have had penpals here and there, sometimes in the same country I live, but often from across the world, and usually people I previously know. Penpals from Hungary when I'm in Costa Rica, and penpals from Costa Rica when I'm in Hungary. All of them my best friends and close to my heart. We shared our thoughts in the paper, told each other about our lives, what we were doing, and, of course, we gossiped so much! Writting letters gave us each the chance to write down with delicious detail all the things that can't really be told in person. You know those things. In person we ask each other questions or interrupt with an "Oh, I know about that!", which isn't bad, it's actually good to be understood so well by a good friend, bit in a letter, that understanding can come with more detail, with no interruptions, with pause, with calm.

The comming and populizing of the Internet kind of killed that. People wouldn't write letters and wait if they could type them down, send them and have them answered in minutes. However things were lost. Who starts its e-mails with a formal "Dear Katie," or ends them with a "Love,"? The lenght of the message became shorter and the coherence, endurance of the thought lesser. A long e-mail can take up to three pages and that's exhausting, while letters, back in the day, my days, took 26 pages on both sides, and when you finished you actually hoped to have more.

My boyfriend isn't really into penpaling, which is sad for me. He does try, only to please me, but he's not really up to sit down and write for hours and then wait for an answer. I still have my friend Jules, though it have been ages since we last wrote to each other. I was thinking though, of another friend, a new friend... ^_^ but that's a surprise!

Today I've got followed on Twitter by a nice young woman, a Mommy, who likes to penpal and designs stationary. I immediatelly followed her up and started chatting with her. She directed me to her blog (because of course she has a blog, which is so awesome!), and then gace me an address to check out for penpals. ^_^ Soon I'll be back on the ropes! Yay! Snail mail rules!

Small Reviews

As you remember, if you do, I started a few weeks ago (six to be exact) a program to learn German by myself. The first weeks were quite "easy" in the sense that I had no trouble keeping up the pace and following a routine I planned out for myself: Monday to Thursday I checked each of the four lessons included for the week, one each day taking them in the morning, before my work schedule started, and then checking them again at home before going to bed. On Fridays I did the review lesson, and then everyday I tried to remember the more words and phrases I could by looking at things around me and imagining how should I call them or ask for them or comment on them in German. It is quite rewarding to be able to remember the words while you are walking to the office, or traveling on a bus.

When my boyfriend came to visit my system suffered a small disrupt, but I still did my best to keep the studying within each week. It's already a week since he has been gone and today I ran through two lessons, leaving the review for tomorrow. Today were the last lessons of week six, from a twelve week program. Though I still have six weeks to go, the first CD was over (which I downloaded to the laptop, of course). At the end of the last lesson (review lessons have no recording), the "voices" said (the guy and the girl who present the lessons) that it was a good time to make a review of the previous six lessons before I started with the next six. Well, as a matter of fact, I did make a review of everything some days ago, to get again the hang of it, and sometimes I do check back to refresh things. However this time it got to me differently. I started wondering about reviewing, and I thought about reviewing the last things that happened to me, or maybe just this week.

So, things that make me a bit sad were not so many. My boyfriend went home on Sunday and it was bad to go home and not see him, not be able to hold him in bed, lean against him, smile at him and hold his hand.

Things that made me mad, well, some of my coworkers that act childish and tremendously stupid. I'd say that you can't blame people for being stupid because they are stupid, but this one is annoying, stupid and seems to get a kick out of blaming others for her own faults. But then again "oh well", lets try and make as little contact with The Annoying as possible and live happily ever after as I've been doing it so far.

It makes me mad that my thesis partner is withdrawing so much. It upset me to find out that after so much time making me wait for her part of the job, she ended sending me the SAME THING I sent her. No added up stuff. She's good, so why is she doing this? Must I sit down with her and do it? Hell, it feels like dealing with a toddler.

Things that worry me, adding up all the bills I have to charge to my boyfriend. I kind of think it will be a considerable amount of money and though he will pay me very, very fast, and by putting the money in my Hungarian accounts, It upsets me a little to have added up that amount of debts to my credit cards. The positive thing about this is that this feeling makes me wary of Credit Cards, so I use them less and get more cautious with money. ^_^ That's never bad. Frugality is a virtue I must learn to embrace, like I did before.

Then I had this meeting with this professor, and she made some remarks about our thesis that worried me. Basic things that made me realized that, yes, our tutor were driving us off the path regarding our thesis topic, and then, the methodology isn't half as good as he told us, but he NEVER told us what to improve. Now I have a better, more clearer idea about were to head to. It worries me, but we are still in time, we can fix it.

Things that made me happy were being able to download by myself a SPN episode, though the episode itself sucked HUGE TIME. It made me happy to be able to stay a bit more at the office, like right not, tobe able to improve my times, since we are being stupidly measured by them. It made me happy to finish an I.M. benchmarking in time, and process the data beautifully. It made me happyto have pörkölt nokedlivel for lunch, and then one day eating at this lovely Italian food restaurant, and have delicious gnocchis! Made me happy to have Coca-Cola at the office, spend less on food, bring more home cooked meals.

Today it made me happy to talk with one of our cleaning ladies, who told me about some people I should be careful with. I suspected one of them, but now I know he's a man with a mean heart who tries to be so good and so ready to do anything for us, but at the same time threatens and mistreats the cleaning personal and believes to have authority over them. It's best to know this kind before hand.

Today I'm happy because tomorrow I don't have to work, and though I'll wake up early to talk to my boyfriend and will have to go to the bank to pay Credit Cards, I can rest and simply be happy.

Getting Tired

In the pictures of offices from designers, we often see wood, plastic, metal letters displayed here and there as decoration. Today I found a picture with letters like that and my first thought was: "why would anyone put that letter there? Do they forget how to write their names?" In here some people have custom made nametags or name plates in their desks, which is kind of fun when you consider that their name is on the door. Is it so that the person who looks for them can double check the employee in question?

Today I'm very, very tired. I'm breaking in my brand new black shoes, which I managed to find yesterday, not at a very good price, but hey, I needed the shoes. (Payless Shoe Source should be renamed Paymore, and for Hell's sake, make sure the discounts are well placed! And yes, I said I'd never go to a Payless, but when you've walked two cities for shoes, and you are not in the mood of big spending, whatever in the right style and within the acceptable price range will do.) At 16:30 I have a meeting in Heredia with a professor who could help us get to the island, save that my co-thesis-maker can't make it. Bummer. I'm kind of feeling the weight of the whole thing more and more and more on my shoulders.

The plan was going to work out flawlessly, since today we have a meeting at 13:30 and those meetings usually end earlier, so I could make it in time for the appointment. Yes, only they cancelled that meeting! Cool. After I stood up late yesterday finishing a benchmarking, which, BTW, it seems I'm the only one taking seriously. I mean, why am I the only person able to find at least 5 mobile internet plans per country while others get one or two and then say that there was nothing in the other countries. Dude, that's bull.

So, I work my ass out, I stay here and juggle several things and now not only the meeting is cancelled, but we get more work! What kind? Dunno, so far is "surprise tasks". Well, I'll have to run some errands later, so I hope they won't mind and they won't miss me.