Again I fell victim of my own memory. I had this topic in mind, but didn't write it down, so now you will be stcuk with yet another aimlessly rambing post. In case you haven't noticed, it's Monday again. Do we want to do that "let's recount the last week" thing? Nah, not really. I do have a few observations and discoveries, but not all of them related to last week. So shall we go into it? Aside from work -which I can't discuss here - I've nothing better to talk about, and if I have (which I do), the topic isn't really blog-safe.
That's something I discovered: there's limited freedom in the blog once it downs to you that you are being read. But the problem isn't that you are being read, but who is reading you. You can't just say whatever is in your heart or your mind because it could get to the wrong kind of crowd. That puts you down. Wasn't this supposed to be all about dark anonymacy? Wasn't this supposed to be a safe place? Well, that's why people keep opening secret blogs here and there, where no one can read them, where they can scream out into the swallowing black void "Hey, C, you still make my heart bit so fast it looks like a car engine running on Nitro", or "D, I never hated you that much, truth to be told, and you reading Lermontov touched my heart deeply", and why not "E, you are the most pathetic person I've ever met, and trust me, with the company you keep, I've seen plenty of pathetic people for a lifetime". Aren't there so many things we would like to say, but then realize we simply can't? "Hey, jackass, you could try and do YOUR job, because I'm not being paid extra for it", "Oh, so you are such a victim of your circumstances? You depend so much on other people's help? And if I give you a gun would you promise you'll use it on yourself?". You are being read, you are not supposed to be so cruel not expose your real feelings... even if that's the truth. Not that I'm known for being an honest person - I'm sincere, not honest, there's a difference - but sometimes the honesty-bug bits into you and you really want to dish it.
So yes, I found out that Truth makes you Free, but it also makes Hell Free, so... yeah.
I had the dubious opportunity to prove to myself that indeed, the movies in Costa Rica are crappy, but not so much like the theatres are crappy - those are awesome - but the movies they project are C-R-A-P-P-Y. This crosses my plans to watch one movie per week (not two like I did in Hungary, where I sometimes watched up to six movies per week!), because they cater FOUR movies in a place with EIGHT rooms for SIX WEEKS! I mean, come on! They make it to Europe, and it doesn't make it to Costa Rica? What the fuck is wrong with you!!
I also discovered that people - even people you wouldn't think of - detray the ideals they hold high. Sure, I'm against animal testing and eat meat. Love meat, actually. Venison stew makes my mouth water, and yeah, rabbits are cute, but they are also tasty. Just because I like to eat them it doesn't mean I like to torture them. Some people see a contradiction in that, but they don't see the contradiction in declaring to be Zen or be in peace with Nature or the Universe, not to hurt any living creature, BUT they viciously discriminate against people of a different sexual tendency, or of a different religion, or nationality or ethnicity. Some are even vicious towards their own friends, family or aquintances for whatever reason (didn't call them for their birthday, talked to "their enemies", and so on), and with the same breath admonish others about accepting the flaws of others and practicing forgiveness.
The contrary is also true, I discovered, people who scream viciously at something, defend publicly a certain position, but then can't be bothered when they are found doing exactly what they have previously condemned. They speak against corruption, but take the first chance to skim some money, pull some contacts and take all the shortcuts they can lay hands on. They speak about compassion, understanding, and putting themselves on the other person's shoes but then are fast to condemn and don't give the other part a chance to catch their breath and explain.
I discovered that life is full with everything, and it's up to you which part do you want to see in your plate.
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