25 Randomness and One Reason to be Greatful

First things first. I'd like to tell everybody that I love and love and LOVE my friend Shimmy Gin because he's marvelous, magnificent and the greatest among the Great. His name shall be sang by ten thousand angels and honored with roses and bailey leafs. He just installed Windows Office in Nagi, and gave me a good tip regarding my antivirus... which for some reason says it's not updated, which I still need him to check. Anyway, he's a god and I love him and will love him eternally for it. ^_^

Of course, yes, I'm still in love with Kari, and will love him forever, but Shimmy is something different. The Dragon and the Tiger. Great Minds think alike. ^_^ What can I say? We are tremendously good friends, though we might have a fight over who has Jerry Ryan or Szilvi. (I may add, he has some incredibly beautiful women, but I'm not trading my Szilvi for no one. That was a hard catch and I'm keeping her!) It's kind of those friends, you know, whom you love like a brother and who share a large portions of your secrets.

The second thing is that my friend Anne, whom I first knew as Fayes, tagged me for this "game" of 25 random things about yourself. Well, I already made a "7 Curious Things About Yourself" from Gitta... then in Hungarian, may I say, but I believe I may own this one to you all. As for the tagging... I ain't have much people to tag, but I guess I'll tag Dragonfly.

So, here we go.

1. I drink coke for breakfast. If there's coke in the house, I drink a glass, on empty stomach before I leave, and maybe have breakfast one or two hours later. If I don't have my coke, I don't fully wake up in the whole day. Sometimes I can make it without coke, but drinking industrial amounts of very strong coffee or Adrenaline (Maxxx, Red Bull, Battery or anything equally energetic). It drives me crazy, a bit wired up and accelerated and it doesn't work as well as coke, so coke is always my first choice.
2. I can live on coke for days. I love it so much I hardly need any other thing to subsist. Maybe some crackers or a small pack of snacks, but coke pretty much does it for me. And if it is Cherry Coke, I'm in Puppy Heaven! ^_^
3. I used to blow the smoke of my cigs into my coke cans so that my coke took the taste of the smoke and I could enjoy the taste longer.
4. There was a time, back around 2005, when I lived for months on coffee and cigs. It was awesome!
5. I actually thing that nobody reads my blogs. I feel kind of safe and daring to pour all my thoughts in here, and then something happens that makes me realize people DO read my entries. Like I was going to tell Shimmy today about Kari, and... he already knew! He got the name wrong, thinking he's name was Maki, or Gary or something of the sort, for which I don't blame him, Hungarians pick the strangest names and the weirdest nicks. Or when I pour my heart on my blog and write about my resentments, my anger, or my doubts and my "slippings" and "preys" and... Kari reads about them and already knows about things I still haven't been able to tell him, because I'm still looking for the proper way to tell him.
6. I love Gilderoy Lockhart because he's handsome and he knows it. I actually resented that nobody thought about him as the coolest and best character of Harry Potter and was actually going to re-write the second book into something more suiting. On this same line, I don't really know who should be Gilderoy Lockhart's real mate. Snape is with Lupin, Lucius with Arthur, Draco with Bill, Harry with Ron... and everybody else, Cedric with Viktor... Kingsley? Or Kingsley is with Charlie? Well all know that the twins are together...
7. I have left the world of animé, and sometimes it upsets me that my friend Roo fails to realize that and keeps asking me to watch Dead Note and other anime series, BUT I've realized I wouldn't mind having a tattoo of Vegeta on my tailbone, I can still sing the ending song of Gasaraki, and when someone says "Eva" I think of Evangelion and those Eva's. It happens also with the angels... I seldom think of them as, you know, angels like winged celestial beings who help us, and rather often still think of them as these machines that try to vanish mankind, and which have to be fought with... Evas. I still think of the AT Field (Absolute Terror Field), which was the sort of "shield" used by the angels to repel the attack of the Evas. Unless you paid attention to the opening, you missed the meaning of the AT Field. These story was kind of deep, and though I never slashed it (really, I never did), it still makes me think.
8. I'm a slow poke reader. Even so, in december I read two novels in 3 weeks. I love to read and I read mostly novels, which go from the gay smutt (I do not read het or lesbic, even though I bought a lesbic teenie novel recently), to goth and cosnpirancy. Then I read some classics as well, depending on my mood. I read mostly in English, but I love reading in Hungarian or in French. Hardly read in Spanish, unless I can't find the book in any other language I can understand. Then again, I can't read a novel originally written in Spanish in any other language. It's unappealing. Even though my aunt is a professional translator, I despise translations if I can read the original.
9. I've done simultaneolus and continuate translation even though I have never taken lessons. It was tough, but I managed.
10. My capacity to hate is far bigger than my capacity to love. At the same time, it upsets me that people do not place the same value on hate as they place it on love. Why your first hate is not as important as your first love? Why there's no "hate at first sight" and the "One and Only, True Hate" of your life? Why people are supposed to hide their hate while exhibit their love? And on the other hand, why can you hate deeply a lot of people and nobody gets jealous for it, yet you are made to endure hell if you love more than one person deeply? Why you can hate viciously entire races and countries and not be allowed to do the same with love?
11. I sing for the people I love, and I'm a very bad singer. I know I'm endurable if I sing in a low voice, and so I do, but I have to be moved by my feelings. Oddly, some years ago I had this feeling that I'll sing "Can't Take My Eyes off You" for someone I love, and I have. ^_^
12. I despise virgins. They kill my mojo. I don't like people without experience.
13. Men speaking French are my doom. It just set me in that blind, zombie-ish state where all my thoughts stop and everything goes "one track": "I need sex with that man... now". I dunno what it is, but it drives me insane. The language, the accent, the remarks, the way their minds work... Oui, ça me fait tomber amoureuse...
14. I love being an economist. Hate a lot of shit in the University, hate a lot of crap in my job, which have nothing to do with economics, but I love economics.
15. It offends me when people think I should now shit from Business Management, or that I should know about those asshole speculators who made tons of money, or made this or that great decision... Dude, economics are more than money and some cheap science to make a lot of it. Those who use it for that are pimps who whore it out! I respect my craft far more than to put it on such distasteful tasks.
16. When I despise someone I usually go without telling them what I think, make it good or bad, because I believe them to be beneath me and therefore are not entitled to have a piece of my mind.
17. I love Supernatural. The guys are simply too hot to ignore.
18. I do love Rugby, and it's not only because the players undress to pose for books and calendars. I do enjoy watching the games.
19. I don't like spicy food. I can't eat spicy food because it always burn my tongue too much.
20. I can sleep a fucking lot. And when I sleep I'm pretty much un-awoke-able. You can talk to me, shake my, poke me or apply any other traditional methode and it won't work. The only thing that so far, has been successfully able to awake me has been an earthquake. I have been told, though, by guys, that they had woke me up and we have had sex, but I don't remember.
21. I speak, sing, laugh, shout and repeat tv ads in my sleep.
22. Despite what people would think, I'm not a traveler. I'm interested in Europe only, and when I finally go living there, I doubt I'll ever leave.
23. I don't find nature and "big tourist sites" interesting. Nature down right bores me unless I can wear it or eat it... or both. Sight seeing bores me, taking pictures of the vulcanoes and other "wonders" bore me. I can't stare at some piece of art work and spend hours contemplating longly pictures if there's nothing that holds me there. The Joconda was one that I went, saw and turned around. Diana and Calisto, however, caught me.
24. I write four blogs and one journal. Also love reading journals, like that on Anais Nin. There's some sort of "magic" in that, don't you think?
    
25. I can work and study better at night. Inspiration for novels and stories, come better also at night. For some odd reason, the "dark threesome": Halloween, All Saints Day and the Day of the Dead are my more prolific days.

Well, that's it. ^_^

A Poem

Dissolved in time,
Lost in yearning,
The chances rolled with the dice,
And the skin went burning.

It has been so hard,
To be taken away from your side,
And watch the darkness in useless guard,
For the glimpse of your smile.

Time hasn't been kind,
And soul and heart broke against the shore,
I've been left blind,
And forever thirsting for more.

Midweek

When is that asshole going to call us? When hell freezes over, America gives up cars for roller blades and corruption in the Government disappears? The motherfucking cocksucking asskissing snot-nosed son of a whore told us he was going to summon us this week for a meeting about the project and it is FUCKING WEDNESDAY and the son of a whore hasn't fucking called us yet! When is this ass going to call us? On St. Patrick's day? He better holds up his end of the deal or else.

Dude, I'm so fucking fed up with that shitface motherfucker and his crap, it makes me want to sue him into the darkest, stinkiest fucking pit of the fucking hell. Why in the fucking hell did he fucking accept to fucking direct our fucking project when the asshole babyraping motherfucker has no fucking time to spend on any other project that his own fucking fund-diverting, stealing, lobbying shit? The motherfucker even picked the fucking topic of the project! Ask me if I fucking care for his fucking businesses. Fucking NO! I have far better ideas, shit that I can get going at the speed of lightening, but no, the motherfucker needs to fucking get his fucking dough out of our hides, like he's so fucking poor, the motherfucker, that he can't fucking get his fucking money out of his fucking shitty-ass-quality work. Oh, but he's such a big G, mah niggaz! He has every fucking single initial before his fucking bitch name... You asshole! Add an H for HO, you motherfucker! Yo R nuttin', asshole! Big pile of fucking pretention no good fo' nuttin'!

Some fucking pain in the ass...

Can't wait to wiggle mah road outta dis joint...

Annoyed Out of My Head

I'm wasting my time.
I could be happily in my office working on real stuuf, but no. I gara be in a workshop where they are teaching us to manage projects. Seriously... isn't this what we were doing last year in December, before I went home, for three days? Not to mention these people fuck up a lot of concepts.

Someone hand me a gun so I can shoot meself up...

The Easy Button

There's this really brainless ad in TV about an "easy button", whiyh is used in a Staples ad. Well, I believe you have to live in that environment to get it, thought it's hard to appreciate the satisfaction from the thought. "Easy Buttons" are the dream of losers. Get everything without breaking a sweat. Why is that good? Because these "easy buttons" let them forget, ignore their utter inability to do the simplest task. Like lottery and casino games, the whole message is: "try your dumb luck! You can't take control of your own life anyway, so sit tight, cross your fingers and hope for the magical solution to fall in your lap!". Well, all these people are lining up to get what they deserve: failure and bitter deception.

Sure, failure and bitter deception also can lash on the hardworking, capable person too, BUT this harworking person is usually more prepared to bounce back, learn, start again and reach real, worthy success. This makes me think of my friend Dragonfly, who has had to put herself through so much, and yet, she can always come back with her bright smile, and make your life prettier with her shiny, creative crafts, which border in artwork if not artwork by themselves. She pours poetry on her posts and bares her feelings and the truth in her lovely, tender heart for all of us to nourish and grow better. Our dear Libe, as I call her (short for Libélula, which is dragonfly in Spanish), is in Mexico with her loved ones, an extended family that grows from the heart if not from the blood, just like my beloved extended family that includes Jules, Marika-néni, János, Gitta, Péter, Mischa, Emő, Títusz, Tibi, Mézes Rózsa, Jeka, Edit, Évi... Kari is not "extended", he's my mate, my other half, or my extended "me".

Dragonfly hasn't been able to post in her blog for a couple of days now, and I can't blame her for it. She must be having the time of her life. I hope she can give some good use to the journal I've got her, so no memory escapes her unique recording. Anyway, you know, I miss her. She's one amazing person and someone fun to be around of.

My own journal has been filling up little by little with thoughts of all kinds, emotions and even the blazing whim of a moment, captured on paper like the eternal picture taken of a fleeting flame, a feather of fire, a whisp of air caught in the flight of a feather, or a chunk of soft, movement full of fur. Fur and delight... the beauty and the mesmerizing of recording in a journal is the eternal preservertion of fleeting emotions that might change and die forever, but which remain for ever captive, preserved and eternal in the instant, uncorrupted, raw photograp of the recount of it, as it comes in big chunks, undigested, clogged in the intensity of it.

Today I was violently arówoken, in the middle of the day to the fact that I am in love with my mate.

Enjoy Méjico!

Early in the morning, a dragonfly I know, took her luggage to the airport, a place which is far farther for her than for me, and took a plane, when the sun was still freshly painted on the sky, warming up light blue colors onto the celestial canvas, and jumped up into it, took off up among the sky becoming a tiny, loud point leaving a white tail behind, like some sort of flying, silver bride. Our dragonfly flew to Mexico, the land of the chili, the sun, the tabasco, enchiladas, Diego Rivera and her love. For months she had yearned to get there, and used the plane ticket as some sort of magical charm that made her fell better when dark clouds summoned upon and around her, and when the harshness of so many winds and tiphoons blew at her and over her head and made her feel that all was lost and she would forever be lost in the dizzying whirlpool of agonizing event.

Today she is free, reunited with her dear friends and her love, living the life she deserves for all twelve months, not only two weeks.

I wish you loads and loads of happiness, Dragonfly, and I thank you so deeply for understanding me and wishing me so much love and happiness next to my One. ^_^ Girl, you are a true friend!

Oh Shit, Right!

The more blogs you keep, the harder you can keep track o'em. Holly-Molly!

Work is rolling on the same as always: outrage upon mind-numbing-imbecility. The basic task of everybody seems to be "complain". Some "groundbreaking" assholes come up with the "modern management meets Steven Covey shit" baloney, and say stuff like "don't bring me problems! Bring me solutions!", and actually feel satisfied about it. Dude, like someone said: "if I have the fucking solution, why the fuck would I need you for?" (The liberal swearing is my own.) Let me tell you something about the basics of this New Management. The point is that the fucking manager does nothing because he or she actually got there because of his or her friends or by sucking ass BIG TIME. I could pin-point a handful of such inadecuate managers. Yeah, you little workers! Truth is that the people over you know ZILCH about what you do or what you should do or what the company should do, but they don't care! They plan to be far, far away, tanning their bellies under the sun in Rio de Janeiro.

Well, I ain't no gonna feed ya shizzle, I am planin' bust'n dis joint befo' tha whole shizzle mizzle gets to our nekks. I ain't no stay'n to see dis shizzle sink.

I have had no news from my boyfriend today. No mail, no call, no nutt'n. I know he was planning to buy his ticket today, so I'm kinda worried something went pearshaped and now he's upset or something. It's funny, but just like me, he can't really handle things not going according to his plans. He does has a lower tolerance threshold towards deception, than I do, but his outbreaks are far less violent than mine. Then again, he basically works with an A Plan, or max. a half B Plan. I usually work with an A Plan, a very suitable B Plan which can make me happy, an "it does matter to me" hierarchy for different aspects of the plans, a daily check, an "alternate route seeker" and constant update. So these all ensure my higher tolerance threshold, but when the threshold is breeched, Hell unleashes... viciously.

My poor baby! He's taking home a viper...

Filling Up, Filling Up

I wasn't gonna really write today, but then I thought, "what the heck?". I've already poured the contents of my head in THREE Hungarian blogs, I might as well, do some social service for the English-Reading Audience. Three? What do I have to say that takes three blogs? Well, look at Seinfield, whom I dislike deeply: years and years doing crap, and yet they were on top. Seinfield makes me think that people don't even want content or substance, only something to drag them lower into numbness.

I discovered today one more reader of my Hungarian blog. Damned. I'm becoming popular. I may have to censor meself. Hell. >_> That won't please me. People also say the same lovely things to me. "You write such amusing things! You should really consider going professional and make a living of your writing". There's something hard to explain in this, which I repeat rather often: "If I ever leave the economics, I'll be myserable and I won't be able to write again". You may ask what's the possible relation between sex, torture, psychological issues, drama, life and economics. Dude, you are NOT really asking me that, are you? Okay, okay. What's the relationship between economics and literature. Economics keep me satisfied and in control of my destiny. Economics fulfill me as human being. I need to be whole, satisfied and balanced in order to delve into my emotions, the emotions of others, and set them into stories. If the balance is broken, I'm rendered useless.

Therefore, the only way I can write is by doing it as a secondary activity... or something of the sort and under that cathegory.

Sometimes it do puzzles me why people find my writings amusing. I mean, they are amusing for me, and I basically write them for me, it's kinda hard to imagine someone else would find them amusing. Also, people see other things amusing in them. It gives you a glimpse into other people's minds and how the focus of a subject shifts so radically from head to head.

It's been days and days since I have wanted to get home, strip to my underwear, fall on my bed, coke and popcorn next to me and watch Supernatural to my heart's content, but I can't. There's always something, always something.

I think, my head is still single. I have wishes and desires about being with Kari and doing daily things, like make supper or go to get groceries, or just watch him in the living watching tv, or working on his stuff, but my head keeps going to my single activities and my lonely ways when thinking of relaxation. I wonder when will come the day when my head goes instantaneously wishing to get home, strip down to my underwear, shout: "Honey, I'm Home! Get the popcorn ready, I've got the coke!", and then fall on the bed or the couch, turn on the tv, lay back, feel him, rather than see him sit next to me, pull me into his embrace, kiss my head, get my nose filled with his scent, the popcorn and the bubbling coke, and just watch tv until we fall asleep, and sleep until real late.

Shit... I want that. Am I that already, or really, really, really soon to be there?

I miss his hair, his nose, his strikingly beautiful eyes and his glasses.

Fuck, I miss Kari.

^_^

A Whole Lot of Unamusing Crap

So I'm trying to stablish some kind of connection with my boyfriend, which proves to be incredibly difficult and all thanks to my job. Namely, the enterprise I work for. The rest of the world has International SMS service, we have too. WITH SIX COUNTRIES! Oh, no, I'm mistaken. Sorry, my fault. ^_^ We can send SMS to the U.S. but only to T-Mobile users. Wonder if I can send an sms to President Obama... Then I can send sms to Panama, but only to Cable&Wireless users. I can send sms to Mexico, to mobile clients of Telcel. I can send sms to Nicaragua, to users of Movistar, AND I can send sms to El Salvador to users of DUgicel (not DIgiciel, though I've never heard of DUgicel before) and Claro. ^_^ My mistake. Six operators, five countries.

Since my boyfriend has an account in HUNGARY, a country not included among the lucky ones, and add to it, with Vodafone, well, I can't send him an sms, nor receive one from him for that matter. So I'm trying with the regular deal of web messaging, BUT either I use up the 20/month alotted by Vodafone or I try some other way. Hn. Lets try with my operator. So I enter Pannon, open my Pannononline account ... and the fucking system can't send me one motherfucking code to get it going? Dude! I'm a client! Make it work insofactly! (The word doesn't exist. "Insofactly" is the English translation-version I used in a story of mine when translating the mis-said "ipso facto" in the Costa Rican slang. We say (when we want to appear red neck) "insofactamente". It's rather fun! ^_^ Ipso Facto, to my knowledge, means "immediately", or at least we use it in that sense.)

-- Holy shit. I forgot I was writing in English and went on and on in Hungarian. Hell. What pisses me the most is that I was actually using quite some sophisticated words. T_T Life can be a bitch, and then sometimes acts like a complete whore.

Whore. That word reminds me so terribly much about this individual I used to know, Ivan, who behaves himself like the biggest whore since the begining of times, and YET he has the NERV of pointing fingers and spreading the word on his "friends" that they are such big whore, fucking around with anything that stands still long enough.

Just made ANOTHER blog using the word "insofacto". It's contagious.

I'm done for today. I think I'll talk with Mile, maybe ditch today's class and get the fuck outta here, take a long bath, watch Supernatural dubbed in Hungarian and then read some novel in French. I need time to reach within myself and set things in the proper motion.

I should watch what kind of things I take from Li.

BTW, you know something? My boyfriend is handsome. ^_^

I believe I can Fly!

Okay, first things first: (which is the same way I started my Hungarian blog, btw) Tomorrow I'll join the green-and-blue ranks of Oriflame. See how does it go. The first purchase I gara make, and so far it seems it will be the only one I'll need to do, will cost FAR LESS than what I normally spend on a plane "because I'm so bored out of my head". The stories about making 1000 € a month don't fool. Dude, please! I'm a scientist here! I just wanna have some fun, you get my meaning? I love Oriflame far better than Avon, though I'll see if I can get the Avon membership as well, since people fall more for that one. Besides, ain't the money, but the sense of control it gives me. Not to mention I could eventually use the extra income for some "business" I have planned around. ^_^

Been look'n at some states on sale in the hood I like and, dude, what's the deal?? For bein' such a muckety-muck, big buck, spread'em no way ya can pay'em, they seem really reasonable! Take in consideration I'll have to save up the dough for it, so ain't no comin' no easy, yo know wha'I mean? But I can do it. Dude! C'mon! I believe I can fly!

By tradition, the homesite of my main bank wants me to change my password, which pisses me off, because I have not even memorized my prior password, and I already have to go through the trouble of inventing a new one. Such a hassle! I wanted to arrange a few things, but NO. It ain't no working. The bank in Hungary, where I have my account ain't working either... as usual. Question, people: why the FUCK do you set up a site if it won't WORK!!! I'm totally thinking in changing my account, though I love the fact that I have an agency so close to my place, but really, I spend most of my year ABROAD, and I would really like to be able to make sure that my wire transfers are completed to my satisfaction. It is my money, after all. I find it terribly hard to understand why people can't do the job they are paid to do, when they obviously had so much time to prepare for it, and so much time already to fix any upcoming problems. It truly puzzles me, and it's not the "Miranda Priestley" attitude, it's for real. After all, they are the servers, I am the customer. It is my money and it is my choice what gives them their job and the sole reason for their existence, why they don't show a dab of gratitude? I'm not asking for anything special or particular, simply to do their jobs, at least as they have promised to do it.

Then again, I guess that's too much to ask.

I've been thinking about cutting my hair. I mean, this Saturday I'm going to trim my ends, which was due already seven weeks ago, but I've been pondering the possibility of cutting my waist-long hair to somewhere around my shoulders or even a bit higher. And right now I can hear Kari's scream from across the ocean.

"DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT HAIR!!"

Wonder if I can use my hair to bargain for my brown walls. ^_^ Anyway, the cut I like (here comes the biggest shock) is Miranda Priestley's. Yes, the one you can see in the picture above, worn by Merryl Strip in the film "The Devil Wears Prada". You see, I long for a hair that demands little care, and with no split ends. I'm done with them! I want a hairstyle I can style with my fingers, that I can wash as often as I feel like, that I don't have to comb, I don't have to hold back with hairbands and hairclips, pins, pencils, pens, chopsticks, and above all, hair that won't be in the way and I'm having my way with Kari. ^_^ Yeah, yeah, sex motivates me to chop off my mane, deal with it. However, to reduce the "shock" of the change, I was thinking about taking a "Jennifer Aniston" hairstyle as transition. Some medium length hairstyle, a bit layered at the ends, that does the "long goes short" move.

Miranda's is a more "Marilyn Monroe" style, if anyone has cared to pay attention to it, and I've already had that style and loved it a lot. It was sheer pleasure in the bedroom as well. No, never had to sing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President", you mind. But it was fresh and amazing!

I'll still sleep some a bit on it. Will let you know... and share pictures if I do it! ^_^

MEME-siada

Yes, I was just about to sit down and write this entry in Spanish, but I think I better not. Kari and I have discovered the joys of Skype, and the relief it would mean for our budgets, though then again, there's this "I really should get working" thing going on. Ain't so funny to go talking with my BF and have the boss barge in, and suddenly have the poor BF sitting and listening through a micro-meeting in Spanish, of which he understands nothing, which is good, because it's otherwise, work related, but still. It's time for "commitment". At the office Skype goes only on text-sending, and when I'm at home of off work, we can talk all he wants.

Fuck, I woke up today at 5 am to chat with him. That's unhealthy as hell.

Stuff at the office is rolling around just fine. I'm working on my brief, and boy, if I have stuff to say! Which is the problem, because I'm really making a major effort to keep the document under 20 pages, hopefully not breaking above the 18 and if I can make it under 17 it would be dandy. However, that 17 is like an opium dream that would hardly come true. So, I'm trimming my words and my analysis to the basic blocks to make it still on 18. The things you have to do for those mentally handicapped.

Kari... gosh, he's kind of starting to get to my nerves. I really, really can't spend the whole day talking to him and trying out sites and web-sms stuff. I really do have to work. It gets me thinking. I know he loves me, I know he misses me and the whole shebang, but shouldn't we just... act 30 instead of 13? It's downing to me, and maybe its a moment of sudden panic, that... things might be rushing to far ahead. Things are not getting out of hand yet, so we'll just talk it over. Yeah, we'll do that.

Anyway, I saw this cool MEME at Dragonfly's blog, and I've decided to copy it. Basically, you post the image of what you have as wallpaper in your computer. Good thing, in my case, is that Omi, Nagi and Igor have the same wallpaper. I'm a bit "obsessive" with things like that. ^_^ So here we go:


It's from some site of goodies, from the UK, called Poison Ivy. I dunno why, but I love it. If I could properly reproduce it, I'd like to make it into wallpaper and post it at my place... for I am seriously thinking about soon enough getting "my place".

Yes!

My answer is
Yes!

Situation Amoureuse: En Couple

Today I changed my status in the Facebook. I'm no longer "célibataire" but "en couple". Hyne knows I never thought that day would come. I really thought, I was convinced that my "single" status would be eternal.

First Saturday in Costa Rica, and I did my "Saturday Ritual": I visited the banks paying bills. Well, some of them. I went also to the post office to send two letters to my boyfriend. ^_^ When I was there I remembered I should have brought money to pay the P.O. Box at once, but I had no more cash on me than what I needed for the payment of the credit cards. I could have, but I was too lazy to go look for an ATM and stand in line for a couple of bucks. I asked the guy at the post office up to when can I pay the box, and to my relief I've time up to the 31st. However I should have gotten the extra cash, because as I was walking home I remembered that I should go to my hairdresser to get the ends of my hair trimmed and my batch of colagen treatment. Well, it shall be done for next week, I see.

Kari called me in the morning. ^_^ I love hearing his voice. He gave me good news: the trip to Zanzibar is cancelled, and so he will come to Costa Rica. ^_^ Could I be happier? My mate, my Kari will come to me.

Sick, Morbid Fascination

Lemme guess, it did got you hooked on reading. Well, people are really all sick inside the head, but only a few either accept it or act on it. Well, this won't be an entry about something that will make you scrunch your prude little nose while wetting your knickers in anticipation. Sorry honey, it's not sex. First of all, I would like to surprise you all with an unexpected announcement. I know, I know, from all you have heard me say all these years and all this time, this is the LAST thing you'd ever expect me to announce, really, but the time has come and here it is. No, I am not getting married! It's not that. Besides *slaps you all in the back of your head* be rational, it would be awefully soon to discuss such matters, not to mention all the things that have to be settled first. No, I'm talking here, as usual, about my job, and the fact that I just realized that I do love my job. Yes, I know, shocking. But it's true. I love the industry I work in, and though it might be because I work in it, just like I loved the banking industry when I worked at the bank, truth is that my heart has moved so deeply to the mobile communications (even more than landline or Internet) that the slightest article on the subject engage me immensely. I love making my way around the services, I love knowing all I know about the Roaming business, the details that remain hidden to the customer. I love the process of calculating fees and plans and different packs to merchandise the services, make them atractive to the clients while foaming up some income. I love the process of forecasting, I love gathering up the variables, break my head thining on the ways to mathematically build up a model that can do the job my gut does, and accurately determinate how things will go if this or that happens. I love stepping ahead of the risk and minimize it. I love the thrill of finance, watching the number, rushing to push the envelop, smack things here and there and then the orgasmic feeling of making it in time, rendering the foretold figures to the table, sit back, smug yet gathered, an eyebrow raised and looking at the bosses in the eye speaking volumes with attitude simply about just how good our team pulled it out, and what a hot commodity we are.

I love that sweat, that rush, the weeks spent without sleeping, with formulas rolling around my head, with my notebooks filled with formulas, ideas to try out... instead of a potential scene for a story. It makes my heart rush and pump and makes me feel more than alive... it makes me feel like a fierce, brutal, blood thirsty beast that owns the world. Makes me feel strong and conqueror.

It's hard to explain, particularly for those who think that "work" is only to "make money", not to fulfill a part of your life, but... well, being good in your job is kind of like... being good in sex: it makes you proud and then some. It's not only about securing your position and becoming the sweetheart of the industry, the one piece everybody wishes to have, but it makes you feel awesome because you are pushing yourself and being better and better, developing and finding new depths you can conquer, new fields to occupy with each task you fulfill. I can't even begin to describe the utter pleasure of finding the key to something. Or, for instance, when you are making a reseach job, when you dig here and there and scrap up little pieces of information and the put it together, connect the dots and form an image nobody has seen before, and for a moment, you are the only one (maybe) in posession of that knowledge and gates of light open and flow on you. The moment of Revelation. It's pure bliss.

I'm working on these briefs I gara do, which always had me bitching because "I'm not an engineer, so what the fuck could my opinion matter?", and I found out... I like it. I like to understand, not to be lost when I read the cryptic acronyms MSC, BSC, RBSC, SS7 and go beyond the meaning of the letters to know what the fuck are they talking about and understand, really understand and seize the situation, and make a smart, interpretation of it. I feel mighty, because now it's harder to fool me, and here people love to fool others with their "trade hammered" acronyms and expressions, hiding the fact that they made a poor job, or that they are gobsmackingly ignorant.

The work I do is very, very interesting, but the people I make it for are not interested in it. I have come to realize they are interested only in the "tabloid" news you can bring. If the voice service works fine, they don't want to read about it. They want to read about the bad, and they want the gruesome story of it. The worse the numbers the better. It almost seems to me like they let things go really bad, so that they can rub their hands together and feast on the inmensity of the problem. How bad and how big can it become? It's almost as if fixing it would kill the amusement. People here in Costa Rica love the disaster. They gather to watch car crashes and comment on the events, stare at people dying under a car, watch the victims of murder or aggravated robbery twist and shriek in pain, and the more blood and bodyparts are scattered the better.

If a big scandal is revealed, they latch into it and soon know all the details, sharing them over popcorn. And so, there's nothing better than a company with issues. What could you gossip around and get interested in with a company that works like clockwork? See how good they are doing? No, the disaster, the horrid feeling of being on the edge, stare down the cliff and imagine what it would be like once it hits bottom and the pieces fly in the air like a thick meat and bone shower... just to have a story to tell with a bottle of Flor de Caňa.

"Dude, I was there. I saw them do this and this and this and that... and it reached a point when things got like that."
"How could they let it happen?"
"Man," a smirk as the bottle reached to the lips and pours blonde beer down the throat "it gets better..."

They don't think they are there to solve things and put them in the right path. No. They act as if they were in the VIP theather box, not behind the wheel. They have the power, and they abuse of it, but they don't use it to get thing well. They don't care. They are too lazy.

"Well, they are important people. They have so much to read..."

Then they should make time, or organize things effectively. But they don't. They want briefs of everything, and briefs that look massive and yet they don't have to read. It makes me wonder, why did they ever learned to read? They are certainly making no use of that skill.

A department sent over a status briefing, which one of the Kahuna's labeled, out of the blue, as an "improvement" of the service it was reporting. Mr. B wouldn't read it, because he's so busy, so I was given the pleasant task of tackling the job. I would say I read the brief, save that there was nothing to read. Graphs and tables and some scarcely dusted text which said: "the prior was a table of this thing." I believe I told Kari, I could do that much in Arabic myself. It usually upsets me when people don't take my job or their own jobs seriously. If it were up to me, I'd fire every single person who doesn't work because they love what they do, but because they want the money. Really, if all they care is the money, which don't they whore themselves out? Go stand on a corner. At least with that they might get some pleasure.

Now, as I realize I love what I do, I found out, that even if I have to send my brief to the Empty Skull Kahuna's, I learn from it, and that's the way I should do my job: for myself, for my pleasure, for my sole delight. I enjoy it, why should then their apathy fuck it up?

I love my job.

20 goes 21

Well, I was supposed to write this post sometime around the 11th, but given all the trouble with the planes, the lost connection flight, the night I spent in Caracas at the expense of Air France, which was less than entertaining, the worry eating me alive of not being able to call Kari and tell him I'm not in Costa Rica yet, but I'm fine and he shouldn't worry... and then all that cold searing my side from where my mate was missing. Oh yes, I know, so sweet and dramatic, but that's exactly how it feels. Sex is sex, but Love is Maddening. It's the matter dreams are made of.

Anyway, stepping a little aside the groundbreaking experience of life, let's go back to the basics of me. We are talking "Swatch" here. Yes, I've reached the 20th Swatch, the magical number on January 11th, at CDG, Paris, F Terminal. It's my... well, I think my 4th Skin Swatch, and my first metal Swatch. Well, look at it! It's simply so beautiful I forgot about my "all but metal policy" and took it. It feels so right...

At the same time, when I finally held in my hand my 20th Swatch, I had actually 21 Swatches. There was one, a beautiful, thin, black and white Swatch with Sakura Branch design on the straps, I bought the 8th because that day I forgot to strap on my watch... any of the seven I had with me in Budapest. So yeah, it was an emergency, because I was supposed to go to Gitta's concert at... 20:15, I believe, and if I had no watch on, how could I be there on time? However, it wasn't my 20th, because in Vienna I made the determination of buying my 20th in Paris... so that was my 21st... bought ahead.

Oddly, even with the watch strapped to my wrist, I... I mean, WE missed the concert. Can only beg Gitta is not mad at me, even though she has been behaving rather strangely ever since.

In any case, this is a historical moment, for I arrived to a milestone in my Swatch Collector existence: my 20th Swatch watch. Still gara pick a new number...

HE LOVES ME!!!!

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me! My mate loves me! He said so! I have a mate and he loves me and I love him back! I've finally arrived to my home... and my home is in my homeland, and so I'll run and work harder and push harder to go back to him! I love my mate, I love my mate, I love my mate! I love my Kari!!! ^_^

Forgiven - Withing Temptation .... A Musical MEME for fun

Shamelessly taken from Dragonfly.

Put your player in "Shuffle" and answer these questions:

1. If someone asks you if something is ok, you answer:

Dontcha wish My Hump - Mix Black Eyed Peas and Pussycat Dolls

2. What could describe your personality better?

Iko Iko - The Dixie Cups (It's the scary song from The Skelenton Key... creepy!)

3. What do you like in a guy?

Crazy - Aerosmith (someone has a lot to explain!)

"You turn it on, the you go
You Drive me Crazy..."

4. How do you feel today?

The Cross - Within Temptation (Fuck, this is scarily accurate)

5. What's your purpose in life?

I will survive - Donna Summer (well, I want more than that...)

6. What's your favorite phrase?

Dream On - Aerosmith

7. What do your friends think about you?

Rag Doll - Aerosmith (Really? Well, lets see who is the Rag Doll!)

8. Something you think often

Again - Lenny Kravitz (related with the office, yeah)

Otherwise: All of my life, where have you been, I wonder if I'll ever see you again...

9. What's 2+2?

Hole in my Soul - Aerosmith "The punishment sometimes seems to exceed the crime"

10. What do you think of your best friend (same gender)?

Losing my religion - R.E.M. "... you are not me..."

11. What do you think of the person you fancy?

My Favorite Game - The Cardigans (That's so mean!!! ^_^) "I don't know what are you looking for..."

12. What's the story of your life?

Get a Grip - Aerosmith (I do listen to other things, not only Aerosmith...) However... "get a grip" for the story of my life... amusingly accurate! Raise your hand if you don't agree!!!

13. What do yo wanna be when you grow up?

Wanted Dead or Alive - Jon Bon Jovi (well, I told you I do listen to other things, not only Aerosmith. However, I seem to have a dangerous... ambition)

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?

Our Solemn Hour - Within Temptation (^_^)
In my darkest hour, I could not forsee
That the tide could turn so fast to this degree

15. What will you dance in your wedding?

I'd die for you - Jon Bon Jovi

16. What will they play at your funeral?

Blind Man - Aerosmith (pa' variar)

17. What's your hobby?

All I wanna do - Sheryl Crow "All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die..."

18. What's your biggest secret?

The Truth Beneath the Rose - Within Temptation (So neat!)

19. What's gonna be the title of this e-mail (entry)?

Forgiven - Within Temptation

So, I do listen to other songs, but I think this started shuffling among my recently played songs. Anyway, the selection and the answers are rather fun, and some are rather accurate.

The Power of "Forget"

There are a lot of things that just can't be forgotten. There are a lot of things we do not wish to forget, and yet we do. It is said that writing helps with this. You write down the things you don't want to forget, so you can keep them forever (and lo here the existance of jounals and memoires and such stuff), and then you also write down the things you wish to forget in order to exorcisize them from your soul. Only this is not the answer to such things, or not all of them. Take my case, for example.

Today I lost my phone. In a commercial center. I didn't realize until I was at home, and I couldn't find my phone and I called myself and guess what? I couldn't here Jay-Z and Linking Park asking me to pick up the phone. Chaos. Catastrofe. I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT WITH KARI AND I DON'T KNOW HIS NUMBER!!! (Kari is short for Károly, which is the Hungarian form of Charles, just in case you wonder why am I dating a "Carrie".) Ricsi was also sending me SMS to fix something for tomorrow. (Ricsi: read "Richie".) Do I know his number? Dude, that's why the phone remembers! So I don't have to! Well, this is what happens when you don't care about learning a phone number: you loose your phone and you life is over. Kari I would have minded more, since last night I've got a taste of his flesh, and man, he feels like... the first gout of coke sliding down your throat in the morning. I gara say it, he has one gifted cock.

Right now I'm getting myself in "trouble". Faux V wants to come with me in december, which would be great, only I already asked Kari to travel with me to Vienna... not to mention that Tavo wants to come too. Tavo is a friend and it would be horrible to put him in such a situation when he has to stay and look away while I'm getting my brains systematically pumped out of my skull. Probably I'll have to arrange something with Kari, and talk him into traveling with me to Vienna in Spring, and just meet with me in the next winter. Oh, why do I bother! Faux V probably will scape out of it before March, and Tavo... well, we will fix him with some girl and that will be it. However, if I get to have Faux V in Costa Rica... I wouldn't mind it at all. ^_^ Still gara see, also, if this Kari sticks around or what.

Anyway, back to the phone.

I went to this Commercial Center close to my aunt's place, because there's a very good optic store here, and I wanted to get for myself new contacts. I had my current glasses straightened up and then bought them a new, smaller, flatter case so I can fit it easier into my purse. I've got an appointment with the doc, and while I waited, I went downstairs to a supermarket to but a few things I had on my "list". Wine, chocolates and such. The doc made a very throught checking of my eyes and told me that my corneas are so extremely sensitive, she doesn't recomment me any contacts for at least six months. She made me all kinds of compromising questions, such as "how long do you use your lenses?" and "do you take them off?" For which the honest answer was: "I put them on in February, and don't take them out until October." So, it seems I hurt my eyes pretty bad, and now I have to let them get better. T_T

Ricsi was sending me SMS and I read the last he sent me, but didn't answer to it thinking I'll answer later. I wasn't going to go to back home, but the chocolates my brother demanded, and thge wine where heavy, so I had to stop at home, leave my baggage and then continue my tour. at home I thought about answering Ricsi's SMS... and there was no phone.

"Oh fuck..."

I searched, searched like crazy and nothing, so I had no other choice but to retrace my steps and find my phone... before 16 h,when Kari was going to call me to hang out. I ran out still thinking of the possibilities, and then ran back home to get all my contract papers and such of Pannon, just in case the phone was nowhere to be found. I thought I could still ask my operator to give me a new SIM with my old account and old number, and somehow make up a story, so they don't block the IMEI of my phone, since the phone I bought was with Jules, getting it unSIMLocked, and I really wanted my new, Hungarian speaking phone. I thought about how much I dislike my Costa Rican phone, but right now, it wasn't that bad. I just wanted it back. For the new phone, if I had to buy a new one, I was going to ask for a recount of all the numbers that have called me and that I've called, so I can get the numbers because... I know no number by heart. I hardly know my own!

God loves me and he didn't want me spending unnecesary money, so I found my phone... at the optic. It comes to my mind that I haven't answered Ricsi's SMS.

I have another "revelation". This year starts with sex. Will this be a "fuck-around" year? That's still out there to see.

I wrote this down, and yet, I'm sure, I'll keep losing my mobile, specially if, as it seems, getting laid makes me more forgetful. ^_^

I would have never thought

1. I would have never thought I would actually receive a picture from the Polish party with the pictures taken at the New Year's party... which I'm not feeling like looking... Seriously. Some look fine, others ... well, I'm not looking at all of them. In some we look silly, in others ... well, some are rather compromising, and they are ok among friends, and not shared with ... strangers. Don't get me wrong, they were nice, but it still feels bad for me that total strangers were taking pictures of us being silly and posing like demented loonies. That's... something that remains among friends, those who were doing the stupid faces.

2. I would have never thought my Godmother would plead me to get married before I end up like her. But I want to end up like her!!! I want to be alone!

3. I would have never thought I would date again. Specially not someone I met on a New Year's party, because that's such a commonplace... And having a cocktail, then a dinner, planning movie dates and promenades at the Buda Castle, watch the city at night, all lit up... It's still a lot to go, so we will see what comes out of it. I'll report... tomorrow... or today. ^_^

The Year's First Entry

Well, first of all, let me salute you all, with a HAPPY 2009! May this year be filled with happiness and success, and please, this time do try and work for it, and not only half assed attempts, but work hard for it. Thinks do come to those who fight for them. People make a lot of resolutions for every year, and a women's typical list starts with shit like: "Lose 20 pounds". Please love, get real! Make resolutions that really count, like: "finish my X degree", "send my kid to college" and things like that. Why do you want to lose weight or get new boobs or "get a boyfriend"? Being thiner won't make you happier. Most likely it will make you myserable because you will deny yourself all those great foods you like. Getting boobs come hand in hand with getting back ache, not to mention the fear that they will start deforming, or that a boob will suddenly start leaking. Natural boobs are the best. As for the boyfriend, honey, men outside the bed are good for one thing and one thing only: trouble. You should be more honest, more like a man, and instead of asking for losing weight, you should ask for sex, because you want to lose weight to be pretty, to hook som guy and have sex. Instead of boobs, ask for sex, because you want boobs to be sexier, get male attention and have sex. And instead of a boyfriend, ask for sex, because you want that boyfriend to have sex. Therefore, simply ask for sex. Not like it would happen so easily, but it's easier to fulfill the simple resolution of having sex rather than going first for all the complications.

Today I visited my grandpa to show him a glass quill I bought at Gödöllő, Empress Sissy's palace, and see if he has ink to write with it. He does, but he declared that my quill was ugly and useless and I should throw it away. Well, it does scratched the paper a little as I write with it, but I think it's pretty and I'll keep using it, though I'll have to buy some ink for it. The glass quill is very stylished in form, and very... old fashioned. I doubt people ever wrote with glass quills, but I will certainly compose from time to time a few lines with it. The ink holds well up to ten words, before I have to dip the tip in the ink well again. Sure, I won't use it to take notes during a meeting, but I certainly can use it for journal writing or letter writing. It comes also with a violet scented ink... evidently in purple color. Perfect for inspiration.

I'm only wondering if there will be any problem with me carrying the glass quill and the ink in my handbag. I mean, people could think it is a weapon, which it is, since the pen is stronger than the sword, BUT, really, hijack a plan with a quill and a small bottle of violet scented ink?? I wonder about that.

This year starts well, and I wish it will continue on this path, all nice and smooth and happy, with happy endings to the "big dilemmas". My only resolution, which doesn't depend as much on me as I would like it to, is to finish my thesis. Once I get that, the other "resolutions" that would come are more "facts" than resolutions: speed debt clearing, getting my degree recognized by the Hungarian University of Economics, the Közgaz, and get a job here. The flats here are a bit on the expensive side, but I'm waiting. Sure if I get a job, I'll move in and start renting a place if I have no flat by then. There are several places around where I want to live where I could rent an appartment. That way I could keep an eye on the neighbourhood and but a flat when one comes on sale. There are a few that are on sale already, but I don't like the prices, like I said. However, the market prices might change in the years to come.

So this is my resolution and my plans. I've put up 3 Kg from all the great food I have been eating. Would be nice to work them off to fit more loosely into my clothes, but... well, if they have to come off, they will. If not... it's all the good food staying with me! ^_^