A Star That Imploded

An acquintance from my Google Talk "buddy list" wrote the following words in his "personal message": "The king of Pop is dead. Long live the king". This of course after a loooooooong senseless "speach" about how much Michael Jackson meant to him, and the impact he had in his life. Well, dude, the guy was "gone" for a long time now, sunk in lawsuits, bankrupcy and his childish PJ's. It was a bit unfair that he died the same day as Farrah Fawcet, a star known by her beauty, but really, nothing else, so basically she was a "pin up girl" of the seventies-eighties. It's unfair also, because suddenly, as jackson died every other thing got shunned. Iran, Neda, Africa, China... Is that fair?

Ain't fair either, because under all the flashlight the King of Pop has always attracted to himself, there's the underlying evil in people's heart, their need to find more dirt on him. Why did he did? Did he really molested children? Why was he so dysfunctional? I won't step in here and say "Oh, he was such a good guy, misunderstood by the world but so deeply good and generous in his heart", because I don't believe in that bullshit. I didn't know him, I didn't follow him, and though I knew him as much as the person next door, truth to be told, I don't have enough on him to pass judgment.

For all the things he has been through, though, I believe he had this comming. He deserved to die, and it might be a blessing that he died now. Not because he was "evil" and the "world is a better place without him", but because the world put him through so much, he deserves to finally rest from all the crap he had to live with.

People should now leave him alone and concentrate on the living, on the troubles that keep piling up and requiring a solution.

Thoughen up.

Oh Boy, these Republicans Again

Iran

Capital City: Tehran
Official language: Persian (This was Persia, after all.)
Area: 1,648,195 km²
Population: 70,4 million people
GDP per capita: $11,250
Export Commodities: petroleum, chemicals, carpets.

Like everybody knows there have been a lot of problems here in this country. Wars in and out, and moving all around. Also, Iran was in line after Iraq when it came to the Bush-intentions of wrecking havoc in the area. There was recently a presidential election, which was won by these dude whose name I won't even try to write down, first because I can't pronounce it, and even if I do, everybody will know that I copy-pasted it, so better you do the job and look it up. So, there was a "democratic malfunction" and people went to the streets to protest, like they should in many other countries as well. Then a girl got killed by a sniper. Almost in a poetical way, the girl's name was Neda, which means "voice"... and she was a singer. Life does have an amazing sense of... faith. She became famous world wide with one video: the video of her death. I didn't watch it because I'm one of those faint hearted people who can get affected by stuff like that. I mean, come on! I cried when Trunks died in the Cell saga, and then each time I saw that episode I cried again. Then, I spent almost two weeks depressed because I was SURE Dean would have to kill Sam at the end of season 4. But that's beyond the point.

So yes, we stated that the situation in Iran is far from good, however that's not the only country with troubles. And so, today I read my mail and there's in Forbes an article titled Senators Push Digital Code of Conduct, where Republican Senators, former presidential candidate John McCain among them want to introduce a bill where American corporations will be either rewarded or punished acording to the aid or opposition they give to Iranian activists. Are they for real!?

First of all, Iran is like a whole different country, so American Government should REALLY stick to their own business and stop meddling in other people's and other nations' affairs. There are enough problems inside America, so why don't they tackle those? Want to give incentives? Well, incentive the companies that give job to Americans, the one's that allow them to keep their jobs, and punish those that lay off workers. How about that? Why they have to go "solve" problems or make the mess bigger in Iran, where in their own home IBM is either taking the GOOD, AMERICAN labor force and exporting it to INDIA so they don't have to pay them such a high wage, and then they lay off the rest to replace them with $5-a-week Hindu labor force? Because, suddenly, if IBM decides to aid activists by... providing them free, uncensored Internet or something, they'll be REWARDED, and no punishment will fall on them for letting Americans jobless.

Oh yes, because you didn't think of this: the labor force you export, may have to pay its taxes to the U.S. (I've heard of something like that...), but they'll definitively not pay a dime in local American stores. So all the people that depend at home from their wage to sell them things and survive themselves, will be forced to close and starve.

Secondly, so, you reward companies for aiding activists... and what if suddenly that "help" is turned towards terrorists, and these terrorists take the chance American companies are giving them to plan another attack on the U.S. Or is this already taken in consideration, and it has been measured into the mix so that the U.S. gets another excuse to attack yet another oil-rich country? Please.

Finally, why Iran? Everybody KNOWS of the repression of the people in China, the abuses against human rights, the bullying of this country against the Dalai-Lama, not to mention Taiwan, and the utterly unfair way in which they are trying to sever their ties to every country, in a way much similar to what the U.S. did in the mid 20th century with Cuba. I'd say China fills every single criteria by which Iran is being judged, so why the bill doesn't extend to them as well? And what about Darfur, Zimbabwe, Sudan, the problem with pirates... why there's no bill to promote or reward companies that help the people there? And if the problem is the "anti-democratic practices", why are they not crucifying Costa Rica? Electoral fraud, threatening of the population into voting to a certain "side" in the referendum, upholding of information (the CAFTA referendum had to be voted blindly by many, as the text wasn't made available), anti-constitutional behavior, violation of International Agreements, specially those regarding environmental protection and labor rights.

I'd simply say that the Republican interest in the middle East is, by this point, outrageous.

MEME - Book

Dragonfly left me this meme-task:

1. Grab the book closest to you
2. Open it on the page 165.
3. Look for the fifth complete sentence
4. Quote it
5. Tag five blogs

My quote is:

"It is like the masochism of people brought up in the Catholic religion."
From Anais Nin's Diary, 1931-1934.

Like usually, I've not enough blog acquintances to tag, so I tag:

1. Shotahunter
2. Basszuskulcs
3. Gitta
4. Dankezon

Good luck!

Unbelievable

Dear Berry,


Given the fact that I've to write to you through a mail, since the network FAILED to connect after repeated attempts, I guess I might as well write to you the way I used to back then when I had a livejournal to play with. My, my, how times have changed and how friends and acquintances have gone by. Life becomes like this basically a long sequence of circumstances and events sprinkled with temporal associations and acquintances. Maybe, when it comes to people I travel light. Then again, considering some of the whack jobs I've met through my life, "traveling light" is the only reasonable choice. Good thing that I have no problems letting go of people (which I can't say of laptops, some books and my writings), so when it comes to shedding the excess bagage and sever ties, I'm ever so practical about it. ^_^ Hyne, I'm so blessed... Guess that's one of the benefits of having God personally taking care of you instead of appointing an angel to do the job. ^_^

Something I find hard to understand is people who become so utterly dependant of others, particularly those that become jealous of the friends of their friends. Okay, maybe it's hard to understand because I loath it, but really. I won't say names, but I've known people who have resigned a job because they "missed their old workmates". Others felt their friends have betrayed them because they befriended their "enemies". (What's this? Friendship-nations?) Others felt betrayed when their friends had other friends. Curiously,  this has happened not only to me, but to a lot of my friends. In some cases a girl plays the "Brian Kinney - Michael Novotny" routine with a friend (male friend), where they know the guy has a crush on her, and so the girl plays with his feelings (what's usually called "lead on") and does the whole pretention of being interested but pulling away because "she's not interested". However, if the given guy starts having other friends, the brianesque girl throws a temper tantrum and acuses him of cheating on their "friendship". Dude, first time I heard about "friendship infidelity". Others simply go Mexican Telenovela-like, making a fuss over not being called everyday, not being visited everyday, not being invited everyday, or making a HUGE DRAMA over why you went to the movies with other people and told him or her that you couldn't go with him or her.

A question that pops to mind here is: "Why people keep being friends with them?" The answer is: They don't.If you pay close attention to these "creatures" you'll see that they have more enemies, and more people they "don't talk to" than people they are friends with. Add to it, usually they tend to call "friends" people they just "know" or are "acquinted to". Those who stay do it for one out of two reasons: 1. They are milking some sort of profit from them (financial, influence, social, etc), or 2. they suffer the same illness these misguided drama-lovers have: lack of self esteem.

Most of these misfits are what's popularly called "attention-whores" (some of them are actually proud of it? Yeah, this illness and these people know no shame and no boundaries). Unable to understand the nature and mechanics of love (any kind of love, not only romantic love), they imagine it to be something like a one-piece, finite object that can occupy only one place at the time. Much as if the feeling where governed by the laws of physics. One person can only love one another person at the time. Them, unable to love themselves, and by result, unable to love anyone or anything, develop an intense need to feel loved, but since they can't do it by themselves (hence the need) they must take that love from others. The more "friends" and people they collect around them translate to more and more "units of love" dedicated to them. At the same time, no matter how much love they actually get, they think it's not enough and they don't feel loved, again, because they are lacking the most important one: the self esteem. And so they get into this aggressive cycle where they demand more and more love, and yet don't feel it, at the same time, deep down they feel they don't deserve whatever love is given to them, and so hate themselves for being unworthy and hate the other person for loving them despite that, either thinking that person is even more unworthy, or transfixing their love into pity.

Things go worse, when one of this "love units" develop other affections, because in the mind of the attention whore, whatever little love he or she was receiving is diminished to give some to someone else, OR they realize there was more "love" inside that unit, and that wasn't being given to them. And so they wreck havoc.

There are a few points I would like to highlight here:

a. No one can replace self esteem. You either have it or don't, but that's one thing nobody can do for you.
b. Nobody should be affraid of leaving a leech or attention whore. They are fucked up people, so you must run before they fuck up yours.
c. Jealousy is a sick feeling completely unacceptable (to my standards) in a couple-relationship, and absolutely out of place in a friendship.
d. There's no such thing as "friendship infidelity". There's such a thing as "crazy motherfuckers", but there's no "friendship infidelity".
e. If someone has "enemies" there's a chance you become one. This chance increases proportionally to the number of listed enemies. The chance increases exponentially if there are "made up" enemies, such as someone having Captain Hook for enemy, or "Jay Leno" (unless they do know him).
f. If you have an attention-whore or a leech, or any other registered kind of motherfucker for friend and you haven't been able to ditch them, go to a psychiatrist: you may have a problem yourself.
g. Unlike many people think, loneliness is a blessing, dependancy is a drag and freedom and independence are worth fighting and dying for.
h. Supernatural rocks and Dean Winchester is one helluva slashy honey.

Loves ya, B.

--
« Every schilling you save puts a man out of Work for a Day. »
         - John Maynard Keynes

Guns and Studs

Yesterday I was fangirling, today in the morning I had a mandatory dose of 4x17, where I gathered some info (Dean went to Stanford?), and when I was to quench my thirst with some slash fiction, it turns out that all my regular sources (many of them very, very poor), have been filtered and left out of the Websense prison. Fuck, I feel like locked inside La Bastille, only I don't get freed on July 14th, nor there's a party to celebrate a damned thing. Now, I wouldn't venture to say that "life is unfair", but simply would like to state that Corporations are unfair... and they are.

Yesterday I finally got to see my friend Carrie, who recently turned... ehhh... 20... again. (In the past days she has told me she had been a bit worried because her little sister is now older than she. I told her to chill about that. Now she has two older sisters instead of an older sister and a little sister. No more imoutochan for Carrie! ^_^) I gave her her birthday present, which were two gold stud earrings with screw backs, and then the fic I managed to finish (somehow) in the last minute. We met at Bagelmen's because she brought me some episodes of Supernatural's fourth season, and I needed Nagi to copy them. San José ain't the place where you want to be seen sliding a laptop from your bag, so I asked Carrie to meet at a safer place.

As usual, we talked about life, work, friends and then plunged into SPN hardcore fangirling. From that meeting I learned a few things:

1. In 4x17 Sam and Dean's lastnames are again chosen by gun brands. I had no idea, since my knowledge of firearms is extremely limited. I mean, I know they have a "trigger", which is the thingie you have to squeeze to fire the gun, it has a "barrel" which is the long tube from which the bullet is shot. Then there's the "magazine" which is the thingy where you put the bullets, has a grip, which is where you grab it, and then there's a "cock"... not that kind either. Now, I checked it out and it turns out you call it "hammer", which is like the safety of the gun, but funnily, when you pull it back to remove the safety and fire the gun, you say you've "cocked" the gun. And that's pretty much my knowledge on firearms, oh, and it applies only for English.

However, after yesterday's comment from Carrie, I checked it out, and it happens that Smith&Wesson IS a firearm brand. So, up to this day the brands of firearms I know are:

a. Glock
b. Winchester
c. Remington
d. Beretta
e. Smith&Wesson

From where I know that Winchester, Remington and Smith&Wesson make shotguns. (All my firearm knowledge is exclusively related only to fiction. For certain stories I've to make research, which is why my head fills with this kind of information.)

2. I learned that I hate Hummus, or at least the one that Bagelmen's spreads on their bagels. It is unedible.

3. I realized I'm something of a "Big Bang Theory"-like geek, because I like the series Numb3rs (Numbers) because it's about "maths", though "it's not really about maths, but statistics... probabilistics mostly, which is disapponting at times, but the formulas in it are fascinating! Oh, and sometimes they make allusion to economical formulas!". I should really, really get back to fanfics, shopping, reading fashion magazines, or move ASAP to Hungary and get laid a lot until my brain leaves the "Geek Zone" and starts working normally again.

4. I realized I have seen SNP chapters too much, for I know how many times Maddison was mentioned in the fourth season, in which circumstances.... and I can quote lines, word by word from the top of my head. It's almost as creepy as the day I realized I knew all the lines of "Rosemary's Baby" in Spanish, and I do mean ALL the lines. Know also the books Dean Smith keeps in his office (The Witching Hour by Anne Rice, and The Warlord), know that Dean tends to wink one eye when he's annoyed or uncomfortable, and Sam rather tenses his jaws, make a weird mouth twist and flare a little his nostrils.

5. I learned about a former friend of mine, who's sinking deeper and deeper into a very unhealthy kind of life. I've actually three female acquintances who happen to have a somehow "Peter Pan"-ish complex. They are WELL into their 20's, reaching the 30's fast, and yet their minds are stuck on kinder garden. The woman in question has a son, whom she treats more like a doll. She's addicted to japan animated series, and it is said that all she does, all day is organize events across country, for which she dresses up and forces her toddler son to dress up, often dyeing the poor kid's hair in the process. Sweet Hyne, who puts dye on a three-four year old!?

This made me think about people, and how irresponsible they can be. Some people seem to think that consequences can be escaped, that they can remain forever children if the just refuse to behave like adults and asume responsabilities. They think that having a baby is just making it, carry it and give birth to it, and that once they leave the body of the mother, by some miracle, the kind will be fully able to get all it needs by itself. They think their actions have no consequences, they are independent and don't influence the kid, and if the kid turns out fucked up it's entirely the kid's own fault.

People like this should be nutted and their kids sent to orphanages.

Crafty Gifts

I'm trying, and I'm quite happy with the results. This is a necklace with matching earrings I made for my friend Laura, for her birthday, which was on May 14th.

Yes, I know I gara work more with my timing, but at least I've got it, right? This is, at the same time, the first necklace I do using chain links. I imagined it to be far more complicated, but it turned out to be quite easy. Now I've gara get a new chain and green beads for my mom. ^_^ My mom likes my craft, maybe only because she's my mom, you know, and moms always support their kids.

It's amazin, but working on things like these, making necklaces, knitting and things like that, calm me a great deal. I don't think I'll be able to make a living out of either of them, basically because I suck at selling things like this (but I'm amazing at selling corporative products, which is amazing), but I love doing them and giving them away. At the same time, it makes me think of my friend Drangonfly, to whom I'm grateful, because she was the one giving me the inspiration to start doing my own jewelry, and then she took from her time to teach me.

Then, like she said, it feels so much better to give someone something you made, rather than getting something bought. Of course, when you buy somthing special, something that connects you to someone, it's the best gift ever, but when a gift has that extra kick, that extra thing, that it has not only your thoughts, but also your effort, your work, your time and it's unique, that makes it unvaluable.

Yes, I can think of gifts you can buy that mean the world more than anything, like getting someone you love that watch you know they've been dreaming about, or but them that one book you read once when you were younger, or get that one volume, that one book, that one DVD, as soon as it hits the stores (Supernatural 3rd Season, With Caution, Haru wo Daiteita, Kizuna... you know what I mean), a rare first edition, the best chocolates ever... there are things that you can buy and they are special, but you can also give great gifts without spending a fortune, because the point of a gift is not the money spent on it, but the thought behind it.

The end of Football in Costa Rica

Around Wednesday-Thursday of this week, I heard a really-really stupid proposal, but it wasn't until now that I read more about it. Thing is that six of the twelve football sports clubs in Costa Rica have decided to promote a Pay-per-View mode regarding the matchs. They want to charge people $10 per month to be able to see the matchs, which, BTW, ain't so good. Reading from other blogs and news, the thing is that in order to pay for the PPV, you first have to have a cable service, and pay also for the DIGITAL service, which means that if you don't have cable (like almost 70% of the population) you have to start paying around $50 a month and THEN pay the $10 a month for a service, that you are currently getting for free.

The idea came from some Club directives that said the teams need money to face the new requirements imposed by the FIFA. So, they have the tickets for the games, but that's not enough. They have all the sponsors, but that's not enough. They have the TV channels, all the advertising, the club members, but that's not enough to pay for "the new requirements". So, instead of lowering wages, stop bringing international players and coaches, they go and do the Murdoch and squeeze the hen of the golden eggs, milk the cow dry, see how much can they get from it, not thinking of the consequences. Oh, because they say clubs in Europe do the same. Nope, they don't. At least not in the parts of Europe I know.

Sure, football is not as vital as news, and yes, Rupert Murdoch is really going over the top with what he's doing, but so are these stupid, third class clubs! Just because they are first division and Costa Rican people love football it doesn't mean they are so rich or so stupid as to pay for the game! No, people won't end up without football, because there's still the Second Division, for free, as well as Sub-21 and Sub-17. There will be games to watch, and maybe, when people stop cheering for Heredia, Saprissa and Liga, and change their colors for Barrio México, Sagrada Familia and Hyne knows what else, these stupid directives will understand the mistake they made. Then again, hopefully, they'll be able to recover the fans they so willingly disappointed and cast away because the didn't have "the money" needed to be a fan for aFirst Division club.

The "System"

The other day I had lunch with this acquintance of mine (who looked so very different from what I remembered), and he told me about this methond or system or something he was following, that had helped him lose Hyne knows howmany pounds of his weight. The system is called "Superthon System" and he explained it to me through the notes he did from the book, which he sent me through e-mail.

First of all, I didn't remember him ever being a human rocking ball or anything like that, so it was strange for me why would he follow a diet to lose weight. And well, lose weight he did, now he looks rather dried out. Well maybe is only me, who likes people with "substance" on their bones. Like any dieting system, it had rules about how and what to eat. One of the things was that food was divided in four categories: proteins, carbs, vegetables and fruit. You can mix them all, but you can't mix carbs and proteins. Every other mix is allowed... except that you have to eat fruit on an empty stomach. Then, like every other diet in the world, it said that you can drink as much water as you like. Water is free, free, free. You must also eat every three hours, but you must make sure that you are not making two carb meals consecutive. You can eat proteins twice one after the other, but you must spaciate carb meals with protein meals or anything but carbs again.

Now, proteins are all animal and animal-derivated foods, and carbs are "non-animal, but neither vegetal or fruits", such as grains, fluor, sugars, yeast and so.

Suddenly, even though the system tells you you can eat all you want, you can't. You can't, for instance, eat a lasagna, because there's meat, cheese (proteins) and pasta (carbs). Same goes to hamburgers, hotdogs, and yeah, sandwiches, bread with butter, bread with ham, or liver cream, jambalaja, rice&beans (Caribbean style), any kind of spaghetti, pizza, calzone, risotto... fish and chips even (fried in vegetal oil...), and lets not start on potato skins! So, it got me thinking. Shouldn't it be the point that people eat healthy? Our lifestyle is not the best for heathly eating, but depriving us from good stuff, stuff that has been around for centuries ain't the solution, it's just another way to make people unhappy. I think people should eat whatever they want to eat and be happy about it. Don't eat until you are about to explode, but eat until you are not hungry, then take every chance you have to move a little. Walk to the grocery store if you can, take the stairs, at least for a few floors, and maybe you take the electrical stairs, but you can still climb them! Walk as much as you can, and drink as much as you can. Water, juice, beer, whatever makes you tick. And as often as you can, prefer fresh and natural over stored and artificial.

And if you are a bit round, a little bit puffy here and there, what's the big deal? Ain't like you've gara make a living as a toothpick, right? Just be happy the way you are, with whom you are, change what you want to change, if that truly makes you happy, but don't force yourself. Live for yourself, because nobody else will live for you. Remember, we have only one life, so shouldn't we take advantage of it and enjoy as much as we can?

Seeking for the positive Thinking

It has been rough, to say the least, not to thing about all the shit that's going on in so many levels, that suddenly going "Postal" sounds like a very, very good option. Well, within this frame, becoming postal is actually becoming a martyr, a kamikaze for the good of the People. I try to breath slow and think about all the good things in life, only it quite doesn't make you feel right.

Like you all know, I work at this State owned telecommunications enterprise. Years ago, it was heaven to be here due to all the warranties we enjoyed. The key word is "was". Thing had been going pear shaped and not in the last place thanks to the bunch of mentally challenged assholes that work as bosses in here. Little by little people has been moved to positions where they are under other people that have earned their chieftenship thanks to friends, and by no means by merits. Many of the good old bosses have been placed in processes and directions to which they have no experience whatsoever, because their former position was just too good and it had been rewarded to someone with "better friends". For years things stopped being done for the good of the organization, or for the good of the people (both workers and customers), and it was all for the "friends". Then this has been allowed as well because, as we all know it, the current Government wishes to destroy the enterprise in order to sell it to some multinational enterprises (AméricaMóvil, Telefónica, Digicel (Millicom), Cable&Wireless). One interesting thing is that back in the end of the 80's, when this president was also president, he allowed Millicom to enter the telecommunications market when it was still a State monopoly. The enterprise had only a handful of clients and the service was both awful and taxing.

When Arias' (the president) first term ended, the company was demanded and expelled from the country. Now they are coming back.

But this are things we have already got used to. The Unions and many people bitches about the opening of the markets, and how unfair it will be for all. Of course it will be! First time signing fidelity contracts that will tie the customer to the will of the operator, unable to leave unless they pay a hefty fee... that ain't gonna happen. It will be the end of the $0,003 per SMS, anytime, anywhere. The end of the $0.05-$0.04 per minute on the mobile for any location in the country, no matter whether the called number is a landline or a mobile. The end of the $0.01 per minute on the landline calls. But people want Telefónica Movistar, and Claro, and Digicell and a world just like the one on the tv. Okay, they'll be the ones paying those exhorbitant fees, storing the mobile because they can't talk as much as back when they were with us, and unable to leave due to the Exit Fee. But then again, what's to fear? Competition? Fuck, haven't we always said we are the best operator in Latin America? Or was it only true when we were all alone and unthreatened?

Maybe. Maybe they are working to bring the enterprise down. Maybe.

One thing that makes me think really hard about it is something that recently happened. Due to the World Crisis, the enterprise ordered an Auster Measure Program, which forbid buying a lot of equipment, paper, ink--- and forbid raises, extra hour payings, promotions or any kind of monetarian recognition to the workers. Then, they announced 500 positions available FOR PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE COMPANY! Only in our Division there are 22 position of a quite high category, of which all current employees are excluded. It was a hope we had, that we could still get a raise for our work by moving to a higher position. Well, not anymore. Now people who have been working hard, earning each category level after YEARS of work and negotiating, are suddenly frozen, but must see people fresh from the street, with no experience in the industry whatsoever get to a higher position, and on top of that, they, who have been denied the position because are "not good enought" must train the newcomers.

Yep, as soon as the foreing operators enter there will be a massive workforce bleeding from this company.

Book Club

Today I'll have lunch (luckily) with an old acquintance of mine, from a book club I used to be in a while ago. he works now quite close to my workplace, and so we decided to meet for lunch at a small cafeteria, that wears all the traditional signs of an office diner. The cafeteria is located at an Office Plaza, so to say, made of seven larger buildings, all of them with offices, some times entire floors rented to different organizations, that range from banks to call centers to airlines. There's a new building being build up there, a 17 store "tower" comissioned by one of the public banks of Costa rica, and which has been rented by our company. An e-mail sent by the CEO office informed us that we would be moved there by March 2010, but something tells me that's more like August 2112. Not like I mind, for I have the distinct feeling taht I won't be around, by the time that happens, if you know what I mean ^_~.

My friend, named Robert, is maybe 10-15 years my senior, married, balding. He has a very soft manner to himself. He's one of those extremely rare Costa Ricans who read. The club through which we met is a certain "clubdelibros" or something of the sort, which back then started with a yahoogroup forum and from there it seems to have grown into a site filled with all kinds of articles on writers and books, all of them in Spanish, allegedly available in Costa Rica. Once we shared a coffee at a corner store in Heredia, and delved into the thrill of the books we read.

I remember Robert more like the kind that reads self-help books and some lighter literature. Nothing too "forbiden" or "groundbreaking". Does have a few controled "revolutionary" tendencies, reading "reddish" texts, maybe he has even read the Communist Manifesto curled under his desk, with a flashlight, but definitivelly has never read "Against Ratzinger" and you can bet your head you'll never find him in possession of "Miene Kampf". He will read Oppenheimer's "Cuentos Chinos" (Chinese Tales, which is a Spanish way to say "big, fantastic lies". The English title is "Saving The Americas"). Robert brings all kinds of interesting, comtemplative questions to my mind. He seems to be such a peaceful kind of guy, who enjoys curling up from time to time with a book and delve into it without really getting lost in it. His life seems to be a sequence of "out in the open" actions, all socially proper, and secrets, thoughts and actions that he keeps to himself, within which he finds out that he isn't happy, not because life is bad to him, but because his choices hasn't given him what he expected. His passive resolution, the flickering flame that goes out in him makes you think about the horror of chosing a mate for the wrong reasons.

If I remember correctly, I was a dark secret, not because we had an affair (which we didn't), but because his wife was the jealous type, and as must jealous people, of such an irrational nature that thinks his or her "otherhalf" has no friends, only lovers, because really, all he does is look for the nookie. It made me sad. There I was, free as a bird, independent like all the Declarations of Independence of every nation in the world has intended their citizens to be, and he, from the same nation, was held hostage of the irrational emotions of a mentally crippled person. It made me smile tenderly that his freedom could only be achieved in the pages of the books he scouted, for that was the only place in the whole universe, where his wife were not to chase him and question his affiliation.

Today I'll have lunch with an emotional inmate.

Mother-In-Law

Today at lunch I was talking to my girlfriends about a miriad of issues, and suddenly a very, very common issue headed up: the mothers-in-law. Mothers-in-law are a common brand of females who has have given birth to boys or girls or both (we will concentrate in the case of the male-mothering females) and when the children grow up and get a mate, they become these insufferable harpies set on making other people's life miserable. Mothers-in-law can be wonderful people, smiling and suporting and really friendly, but for each of these gems there's a billion of monsters. Then, some of these harpies-in-law are such a nuisance that females mating their children will rather drop the guy and go seek for someone else. The things done by these harpies vary from harpie to harpie, but all of them are designed, pretty much to detach the female, known was "daughter-in-law" (may Hyne keep us from ever being the daughters of such obnoxious monsters!), from their precious "babies". Why do they loom over the guy? Jealousy? Afraid a younger, prettier female gets the boy's attention? Why? Mommy rather have Junior hitting the sack with another boy?

No. Mothers-in-law often suffer the Fedra-complex, which is the complimentary of the Oedipus-complex: these mommies want their baby-boys to marry them. In other, more crass words, hinious mothers-in-law want to make their boys motherfuckers. Literally. Some of the examples I've heard today are that a mother-in-law, who is from another country, dropped unannounced on the daughter-in-law when she was alone because her husband was out in a business trip for months, and demanded to be picked up. She expected the wife of her son to become her son's slave because "wives are meant to SERVE their husbands", berated her for letting her husband forget the car radio, and because she turned the plates upside down when washing them, so they could dry (the mother-in-law is such a retrograd person that she thinks plates should be left in their regular position when wet... like water won't pool and it won't be unsanitary). The straw that broke my friend's back was when upon being told that their kid, a 1 year old baby couldn't eat dairy products because of a contidion he has, she still fed the kid with CHEESE and then let the baby eat dog food.

This is not a particularly nasty mother-in-law, this IS the mother-in-law average: they think they know better. They don't. Sure, there are a lot of stupid women out there, and if their boys pick them is because that's what they learned at home, from mommy. After all psychologists say that boys pick women that remind them of their mothers and girls pick men that remind them of their father. Yes, I know, that's so insulting.

However, I believe all mothers-in-law should know that:

1. WE are the Ladies of the Mansion. It's our house, our household, our rules. They should stick by it.
2. WE are not a copy of them nor will we ever be. It's our way or the highway.
3. Their sons didn't pick them, they picked us, so they can drop dead.
4. They are our mothers-in-law because we allow it, but they stop being it the moment we want to. The power is in our hands, not theirs.

As for those lucky bastards who get to be our mates, we don't owe you anything, you owe us. WE have to suffer their mothers, so if they want to remain with us, better make it worth. Oh, and "she's far away" is not an acceptable excuse unless that "far away" equals six feet under.

My Hyperion

I know many don't like cats, but I really, really love my Hyperion, so for those who do love cats, I'd like to brag. ^_^

Let's not leave out Hyppie's friends, Mili and Mishi. Here they are:

BN - No Blessin' in there

Today I was reminded about the beauty of Customer Care. Well, the BN here in Costa Rica does go the extra mile for the customer. I've to pay the Oriflame bill at this bank and I can do it only at this bank. It wouldn't be so bad, except that this one bank is famous for the following thing:

1. HUGE queues.
2. SLOW service
3. Too much red tape for everything
4. Fees for EVERYTHING, far more than in anyother bank, private or state owned, or all of them put together. They even have the face to charge for the upkeeping of the account when they do nothing for it.

It's also the only bank I've seen shamelessly lie on a Balance State for the pension operator, saving the red numbers by counting all the fees charged to the clients for every little bit. In other ways, this bank can't make a single profitable buiness, but covers the expenses with more and more fees, taking from the poor and stuffing the pockets of the rich. A reversed Robin Hood. Oh, and that picture is of a queue at one of the bank's branches... 15 minutes before opening. That line took two hours to get to the teller.

It is so upsetting that the bill of oriflame can only be paid there, so I have to find ways to get to the bank, many of which branches open at 8:30 and close between 15:30 and 16:00. Thanks to a meeting that ended up early (it was both un-productive and very educating at the same time), I managed to get in time to this one office in Heredia, which closes by 18:00, time I normally don't make it. Well, there's more to it. In order to enter the bank, you have to cross an automat teller machine hall and then walk through a double door, much like the ones in many airports (Charles de Gaule has them). Between the doors you are scanned for metallic objects, and if you are carrying them, you are requested to leave them at some lockers. There's no guard on the side of the lockers and the lockers look easy to pic. Naturally, I was loaded with metal: cellphone, coins, wires, PDA, hairpins, compact, metal tipped fountain pens... I wasn't going to leave my bag in such an unsafe place, but talking every single metal thing from it wsa too much of a hassle, particularly because it could all be stoled while I did what was looking like another 2,5 hour queue.

So I left. There was no other branch close, and it really upset me that they were so concerned about THEIR safety that they didn't think about the customer's safety or comfort.

The Banco Nacional is an epitome to the anti-Custormer Care.

Lies and Shots at Love

Today's tv shows are stupid, to say the least. Years before the only shows where "real people" could be seen where those tremendously stupid shows of contest, many of which are still on the air, and very popular... among people with no cable tv, or people who would see just about anything.

I don't know when did it started, maybe it was the mighty MTV with the famous "The Real World" shows, but the thing is that we suddenly got flooded by them. From what I've heard, you can actually request Reality Show channels from some operators. Most of them, at the same time, are addictive, and I must admit that one I used to watch because it was so much fun was "The Girls of the Playboy Mansion". Reality shows, however, can be tied to many things, and in the case of some celebrities letting cameras into their homes, things can get complicated and the shows can be canceled.

A show that caught my attention a few times is this "A Shot At Love" with Tila Tequila. Now they go for the second season, which doesn't really surprise me. The show is made in the old "Survivor" or "Big Brother" fashion, only the group doesn't vote to eliminate fellows, but the "prize" eliminates them. Something, maybe, like some "America's Next Top Model" thing. The idea is that there's this Tila woman, who says to be bisexual and looking for love. Some 30 strangers gather up and compete for her "love". Yeah, imagine that.

There are a few things that distress me from the show. First of all, what's that whole deal of presenting yourself as a "bisexual star"? It only confirms my theory that in the world, in the current world you are what you fuck. At the same time, while many gay activists fight day and night for the world to see them as normal, the first thing they do is claim their sexuality as a defining banner. Hell, they even have a flag! I'm heterosexual, but do I have a flag for that? Do I wear Straight Pride bracelets, or advertise my sexual orientation with badges or banners? Do I go around introducing myself as: "Hi, I'm Jane Doe, heterosexual, 35, female..." No. When it comes to us, straight people, we don't feel the need to talk about our sexual orientation, because that's not what defines us. So if gay and bi people are normal, which they are, why don't they behave normally instead of making a fuss out fo their sexual orientation?

Oh well, I guess just that some people definitivelly are what they fuck.

Second of all, the show is a huge bogus. Evidently Tila isn't looking for love, only for advertisement and some fame. She got it, so she did a second season. After all, who in hell would believe you can get love through a reality show? For once, in order to find love, you have to give love time to breath and let it develop naturally. It comes when it has to come, then its up to you to take it to let it go. Do everybody get to find their "One"? No, of course not. People is famous for making bad choices, so a lot of people end up with some poor choice, trapped forever, and probably never know what love's about.

When you look at this show, you see a bunch of low self-esteem people gathered up thinking they've got a ticket to the easy life. For once, Tila lives on her sexuality in order to make herself popular. She seems to be the kind of person who needs to be always the center of attention. Haven't seen much of the show, know little much of her, but she tips me like the kind of person who wants to be kept in a pedestal: be always worshipped and do ever so little. She might be prone to drama, but really very passive when it comes to solve things, or actually do something, have an original thought or express any kind of human life reaction. She's so passive she makes a doll, a pupet out of herself.

On the other hand there are the contestants. Does any of them really believe that taking part in all kinds of games and winning them, like some kind of Medieval Knight Contest will bring them the love of the prize? Or is it that they want to believe that earning love is just as easy, can be achieved with such games, they can prove their worth and worry ever so little about actually getting to know the other person and have a decent, normal relationship? What kind of love can bloom between the player and the prize? Love for the prize or love for the feeling of "defeating" 29 other people?

It's so funny how the accent is taken from actual love and placed on easier things, on a competition.

The problem is that out there there's a lot of people who believe that's the way it goes. People who will think that they don't have to be really liked by the other part, but fulfill some tasks and win their love. Emotions, human connection is devaluated and eliminated. At the same time, rejection becomes so dramatical it takes unbearable stains. Rejection means utter failure, something terribly embarrasing that tells you that you are the worse, you worth nothing, that from all the people around you, you are the only one, or one of a very few that are not good for the goal.

Rejection at love is not failure, and love is not something you can "win". Love doesn't spur, can't be made happen from someone who doesn't love you. Love happens, does need maintenance, lika a car, and can be lost, not by robbery, for love can't be taken away, but can be lost by uncaring.

Love starts with interests, gets a shot if there's the right chemistry that gets is going, flames it up, and then, with time, talking, sharing, interest, dedication, things either grow or wither. Anyone who has a healthy self-esteem, who knows what is to love and be loved, because loves his or herself, knows the nature of love, and knows that no game, no contest will provide it. So why some people go into this thing? Well, maybe because they crave for attention, they want ti be famous, but basically because they don't love themselves, how no idea how to love or what's like to be loved, but need someone to provide them what they can't give to themselves: love or anything that could pass for it.

So yes, Til, LIE and get A Shot At Love.

Pre

Forbes has good writers and bad writers. Mr. Brian Caufield is, without doubt, an enjoyable writer. Ms. Elizabeth Woyke is the total opposite. For yesterday's issue, she wrote an article about the Palm Pre. The Palm Pre is basically Palm's proposal to get back into the smartphone and smart device market. Naturally, you'd like to read in an acticle like this about the features of this proposal. Okay, maybe there's a reason for not hearing about this, because Forbes is not PC Magazine or some Telecomm magazine, so okay, I get it. Then maybe we could hear about how much money was invested, who are the sponsors, with which mobile operator does it has a contract, which technology does it support, more detail about the market is targets, specifics about the design and the concept about the Pre, oh, and please, include a picture, if possible?

Ms. Woyke seemingly got her jollies talking about "organic" and "Zen" and how the device was designed to look like a "found precious" thing. Dude, it does look like a "found" thing: a found, common-looking phone. Not even the colors were discussed, but she rather had found going over and over rattling like a teen "gossip-girl" with diminished communication skills, babbling a lot and saying nothing. Hell-loooow! Is there anyone in the editiorial department? Or is Ms. Woke banging the editor?

Oh, lemme guess: you'd like to know what that ugly picture has to do with anything? Yeah, so do I. That's the picture Forbes attached to the article. Neat, huh?

Oh well, I'll throw you a bone, so you are happy: MAJOR SUPERNATURAL SPOILERS!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE SPOILERS!

I thought I was going to be so depressed after yesterday, when the final episode of the fourth season of Supernatural was going to be broadcasted by Warner Channel. I was sure and positive that Sam was going to die, and had to be killed by Dean. I was bawling ahead of time. First of all, yes, I was right, Lilith was the last seal, and the one"lifted from men and twisted to evil"was Sam (easy guess, really), but Sammy didn't die (yay!!!! ^_^), Dean didn't have to kill'im and they are back together again ^_^. Add to it, the end of the season was a full fledged promise of a fifth season.

Hang on there, boys!!!! ^_^

Black Dress

When you have a habit, like me, of dressing in a certain way (even if it is for a short period of time) people will usually have something to tell you, particularly if you live in a place such as Costa Rica, where everybody is absolutely convinced that the world has right to have a piece of their minds. While on Monday nobody said anything to me (black jeans, spaghetti strap top and blazer), yestarday and today it has been different. Yesterday I paraded around with my long black skirt, another spaghetti strap top (I have like three or four of them, so don't be surprised), hair in a bun and a bead choker (currently that ead choker is my only full-black necklace). I was pretty sure I looked scary, and was so happy when walked past some workers and though they looked at me (as usual) none of them dared to utter a work (which they usually do). This made me feel tremendously comfortable, for I wasn't looking "sexy black", but "Morticia Addams black". Well, not exactly. What I thought looked like a gothic omen, many thought looked "so elegant and stylish". Yes, people have a very strange idea of what elegant is... or I'm very out of touch with reality.

My friend Víctor, with whom I had lunch yesterday, mentioned that I was looking very elegant. So did his cousin, a hairdresser. Laughing, I told Vic he could borrow my clothes the next time he needs to go to a drag-party. My coworkers kept asking me where was I going, with whom was the hot "date". Smiling I explained each time that "oh, you know, it's June, and these are the black clothes I own...". That seemed to make work the needed charm. There was, however, a compliment that surprised me and remained with me.

In the morning I was going to the corner store. A huge black dude was coming in the other direction, and his eyes seemed captured by me. I had my sunglasses on so he couldn't tell if I was noticing his attention or not. There's a somekind of company around that hires only English speaking people, and he looked much like this imported Americans. As he came closer to me, he couldn't but slid his eyes down my frame and comment with true conviction:

"You look good in black!"

I turned my head to him, smiled and thanked his compliment. It made me smile also, the subtle implication, whether he noticed it or not that I look good in black. Where I single and not mourning, I may have added that I look even better on black.

Today I put on black slacks and a goth blouse that has sheer, wide sleeves. I like this blouse, and I was thinking about weaking them with my skirt, but that would have been very, very gothic, and that wasn't the point. I curled my hair into big, thick victorian locks, which have straightened by now, but at least for a few hours I looked like a veritable victorian porcelain doll. Again the comments came. "Why so elegant?" "Another hot date?" "What's with the doll locks?" "Where are you going today?"

I guess many people simply attach the idea of elegance to black, regardless of anything. It's however, tremendously funny to realize just how curious and inquiring people can be. Well, at least Costa Ricans. It's like a whole country full of nosy people: everybody has to know about everybody's business. A 4 million people village.

Moments of Pain and Uncertainty

Yesterday has been far darker, deeper and more painful that I would have thought. Not only has the Month of Mourning begun for me, but also a plane has disappeared over the Atlantic Ocean. No, naturally, I don't give a dime about such things normally. I mean, there are refugee women living in constant fear of sexual violence in Darfur and Zimbabwe, and that's worse that some plane in the ocean. Worse is war, children being killed by their parents and relatives, kids killed in the streets and their killers getting away with it. The crisis that has deveiled the capitalism cruelest face, where it is blatant how those who have more are willing to send to starvation and misery thousands of families so they can keep their private jets, and toasting with $3000 cocktails. So yeah, compared to that some plane going Houdini shouldn't mean a dime.

The flight is the AF 447, from Air France. Departing from Sao Paulo (or was it Rio de Janeiro?) to Paris. 11 French crew members. I happen to know a crew member, which I have met in a flight pretty much in the same direction. Now I'm worried. I understand they are not tied to a single flight, so someone who does "Caracas-Paris-Caracas" will not spend the rest of his working days on that one flight, and then some work quite a hard shift doing Johannesbourg-Paris-Caracas. The Lord knows I know. So, maybe, and there are many chances (I hope) that this one crew member I know either decided to move permanently to the South of France and live there happily, flying no more, or maybe he's still flying, only he's on some other flight, but there's also a chance that he was on that plane. Passanger and Crew lists have not been released yet, but Air Frace opened a line for family and close friends. I'd love to call, I really do, but how could I do it? I don't know his last name, I don't know his exact address or his full birthday date.

So I scrapped all the info I could. The two pursers are older than he. That gives me a bit of ease, he told me he was a cabin officer, a purser, so hopefully he's somewhere else. I can only hope, can I?

I don't know enough of him to be able to research, but yet I know too much for me to know the odds, for me to care, and for me to worry. Hell, all I need is another death in June.

The End of Color

It's again that season of the year. Soon a few assholes will surface asking stupid questions about why am I wearing black. Some will think that black is my favorite color, inspite it being outrageously obvious that my favorite color is green. Others will come forwar with unwelcomed curiosity asking why, why, why, doing stupid jokes, because, honestly, it has been a long time since people respected the color of mourning, and instead of the pain of loss, the black clothes mean to most people simply some EMO outburst. If my mourning weren't so meaningful for me, my loss so sacred, I'd happily answer people that I wear black in hopes of mourning the death of all assholes that cross my path.

June is a month of up most importance for me. This year, as in many other years, it brings to my mind the idea of writing a book, a book titled "The Bride of the Dead", as working title, even though "Angel of Mourning" is another that has come to my mind. The novel would be a recount of what had happened, from the meeting in November, 1994 to the present. I feel tempted to use real names, paste his picture on the cover of the book, Hyne knows if it would ever be published, but I feel blogging about him, filling my journal with hushed desires to see him smile, filling my eyes with tears and my heart with aching sorrow just doesn't do it anymore.

It's hurtful, to realize that the only shrad of him I can find in the web are the bits I have posted through the years. Why there's nobody else keeping him alive?

This June, I've been reminded, as I woke up today and put on my dark clothes, my personal sign of respect, that there are things far stronger than death, things that can take off from life itself and fly so high only the gods can touch their wings. Sorrow, pain rolls and swirls in my chest, but amid it, I feel so proud, head up high and remember the absolute beauty, absolute humanity of the actions that have taken for ever a part of my soul to the other side of the Styx.

30 days of Black and Mourning have begun.