Jun 1, 2009

The End of Color

It's again that season of the year. Soon a few assholes will surface asking stupid questions about why am I wearing black. Some will think that black is my favorite color, inspite it being outrageously obvious that my favorite color is green. Others will come forwar with unwelcomed curiosity asking why, why, why, doing stupid jokes, because, honestly, it has been a long time since people respected the color of mourning, and instead of the pain of loss, the black clothes mean to most people simply some EMO outburst. If my mourning weren't so meaningful for me, my loss so sacred, I'd happily answer people that I wear black in hopes of mourning the death of all assholes that cross my path.

June is a month of up most importance for me. This year, as in many other years, it brings to my mind the idea of writing a book, a book titled "The Bride of the Dead", as working title, even though "Angel of Mourning" is another that has come to my mind. The novel would be a recount of what had happened, from the meeting in November, 1994 to the present. I feel tempted to use real names, paste his picture on the cover of the book, Hyne knows if it would ever be published, but I feel blogging about him, filling my journal with hushed desires to see him smile, filling my eyes with tears and my heart with aching sorrow just doesn't do it anymore.

It's hurtful, to realize that the only shrad of him I can find in the web are the bits I have posted through the years. Why there's nobody else keeping him alive?

This June, I've been reminded, as I woke up today and put on my dark clothes, my personal sign of respect, that there are things far stronger than death, things that can take off from life itself and fly so high only the gods can touch their wings. Sorrow, pain rolls and swirls in my chest, but amid it, I feel so proud, head up high and remember the absolute beauty, absolute humanity of the actions that have taken for ever a part of my soul to the other side of the Styx.

30 days of Black and Mourning have begun.

2 comments:

Dragonfly said...

Well dear Zsu... is beautiful your behavior, becuase you are convinced to do somthing against stupidity from others and keeping through the years.

XOXO

Storm Bunny said...

Thank You! ^_^ Like Kierkegaard once said: "it doesn't matter what you believe in as long as you are sincere". These words apply so beautifully to your remark.

I think that as long as you know what you are doing what you do, and you believe in it, then it doesn't matter what people say. Doing something or stop doing it just because others tell you to do so is the worst thing anyone can do. Sure, you've got to listen to your elders, and advise is never ill, but you must make your choice out of conviction, not out of pressure.