Given the fact that I've to write to you through a mail, since the network FAILED to connect after repeated attempts, I guess I might as well write to you the way I used to back then when I had a livejournal to play with. My, my, how times have changed and how friends and acquintances have gone by. Life becomes like this basically a long sequence of circumstances and events sprinkled with temporal associations and acquintances. Maybe, when it comes to people I travel light. Then again, considering some of the whack jobs I've met through my life, "traveling light" is the only reasonable choice. Good thing that I have no problems letting go of people (which I can't say of laptops, some books and my writings), so when it comes to shedding the excess bagage and sever ties, I'm ever so practical about it. ^_^ Hyne, I'm so blessed... Guess that's one of the benefits of having God personally taking care of you instead of appointing an angel to do the job. ^_^
Something I find hard to understand is people who become so utterly dependant of others, particularly those that become jealous of the friends of their friends. Okay, maybe it's hard to understand because I loath it, but really. I won't say names, but I've known people who have resigned a job because they "missed their old workmates". Others felt their friends have betrayed them because they befriended their "enemies". (What's this? Friendship-nations?) Others felt betrayed when their friends had other friends. Curiously, this has happened not only to me, but to a lot of my friends. In some cases a girl plays the "Brian Kinney - Michael Novotny" routine with a friend (male friend), where they know the guy has a crush on her, and so the girl plays with his feelings (what's usually called "lead on") and does the whole pretention of being interested but pulling away because "she's not interested". However, if the given guy starts having other friends, the brianesque girl throws a temper tantrum and acuses him of cheating on their "friendship". Dude, first time I heard about "friendship infidelity". Others simply go Mexican Telenovela-like, making a fuss over not being called everyday, not being visited everyday, not being invited everyday, or making a HUGE DRAMA over why you went to the movies with other people and told him or her that you couldn't go with him or her.
A question that pops to mind here is: "Why people keep being friends with them?" The answer is: They don't.If you pay close attention to these "creatures" you'll see that they have more enemies, and more people they "don't talk to" than people they are friends with. Add to it, usually they tend to call "friends" people they just "know" or are "acquinted to". Those who stay do it for one out of two reasons: 1. They are milking some sort of profit from them (financial, influence, social, etc), or 2. they suffer the same illness these misguided drama-lovers have: lack of self esteem.
Most of these misfits are what's popularly called "attention-whores" (some of them are actually proud of it? Yeah, this illness and these people know no shame and no boundaries). Unable to understand the nature and mechanics of love (any kind of love, not only romantic love), they imagine it to be something like a one-piece, finite object that can occupy only one place at the time. Much as if the feeling where governed by the laws of physics. One person can only love one another person at the time. Them, unable to love themselves, and by result, unable to love anyone or anything, develop an intense need to feel loved, but since they can't do it by themselves (hence the need) they must take that love from others. The more "friends" and people they collect around them translate to more and more "units of love" dedicated to them. At the same time, no matter how much love they actually get, they think it's not enough and they don't feel loved, again, because they are lacking the most important one: the self esteem. And so they get into this aggressive cycle where they demand more and more love, and yet don't feel it, at the same time, deep down they feel they don't deserve whatever love is given to them, and so hate themselves for being unworthy and hate the other person for loving them despite that, either thinking that person is even more unworthy, or transfixing their love into pity.
Things go worse, when one of this "love units" develop other affections, because in the mind of the attention whore, whatever little love he or she was receiving is diminished to give some to someone else, OR they realize there was more "love" inside that unit, and that wasn't being given to them. And so they wreck havoc.
There are a few points I would like to highlight here:
a. No one can replace self esteem. You either have it or don't, but that's one thing nobody can do for you.
b. Nobody should be affraid of leaving a leech or attention whore. They are fucked up people, so you must run before they fuck up yours.
c. Jealousy is a sick feeling completely unacceptable (to my standards) in a couple-relationship, and absolutely out of place in a friendship.
d. There's no such thing as "friendship infidelity". There's such a thing as "crazy motherfuckers", but there's no "friendship infidelity".
e. If someone has "enemies" there's a chance you become one. This chance increases proportionally to the number of listed enemies. The chance increases exponentially if there are "made up" enemies, such as someone having Captain Hook for enemy, or "Jay Leno" (unless they do know him).
f. If you have an attention-whore or a leech, or any other registered kind of motherfucker for friend and you haven't been able to ditch them, go to a psychiatrist: you may have a problem yourself.
g. Unlike many people think, loneliness is a blessing, dependancy is a drag and freedom and independence are worth fighting and dying for.
h. Supernatural rocks and Dean Winchester is one helluva slashy honey.
Loves ya, B.
« Every schilling you save puts a man out of Work for a Day. »
- John Maynard Keynes