Jun 9, 2009

Mother-In-Law

Today at lunch I was talking to my girlfriends about a miriad of issues, and suddenly a very, very common issue headed up: the mothers-in-law. Mothers-in-law are a common brand of females who has have given birth to boys or girls or both (we will concentrate in the case of the male-mothering females) and when the children grow up and get a mate, they become these insufferable harpies set on making other people's life miserable. Mothers-in-law can be wonderful people, smiling and suporting and really friendly, but for each of these gems there's a billion of monsters. Then, some of these harpies-in-law are such a nuisance that females mating their children will rather drop the guy and go seek for someone else. The things done by these harpies vary from harpie to harpie, but all of them are designed, pretty much to detach the female, known was "daughter-in-law" (may Hyne keep us from ever being the daughters of such obnoxious monsters!), from their precious "babies". Why do they loom over the guy? Jealousy? Afraid a younger, prettier female gets the boy's attention? Why? Mommy rather have Junior hitting the sack with another boy?

No. Mothers-in-law often suffer the Fedra-complex, which is the complimentary of the Oedipus-complex: these mommies want their baby-boys to marry them. In other, more crass words, hinious mothers-in-law want to make their boys motherfuckers. Literally. Some of the examples I've heard today are that a mother-in-law, who is from another country, dropped unannounced on the daughter-in-law when she was alone because her husband was out in a business trip for months, and demanded to be picked up. She expected the wife of her son to become her son's slave because "wives are meant to SERVE their husbands", berated her for letting her husband forget the car radio, and because she turned the plates upside down when washing them, so they could dry (the mother-in-law is such a retrograd person that she thinks plates should be left in their regular position when wet... like water won't pool and it won't be unsanitary). The straw that broke my friend's back was when upon being told that their kid, a 1 year old baby couldn't eat dairy products because of a contidion he has, she still fed the kid with CHEESE and then let the baby eat dog food.

This is not a particularly nasty mother-in-law, this IS the mother-in-law average: they think they know better. They don't. Sure, there are a lot of stupid women out there, and if their boys pick them is because that's what they learned at home, from mommy. After all psychologists say that boys pick women that remind them of their mothers and girls pick men that remind them of their father. Yes, I know, that's so insulting.

However, I believe all mothers-in-law should know that:

1. WE are the Ladies of the Mansion. It's our house, our household, our rules. They should stick by it.
2. WE are not a copy of them nor will we ever be. It's our way or the highway.
3. Their sons didn't pick them, they picked us, so they can drop dead.
4. They are our mothers-in-law because we allow it, but they stop being it the moment we want to. The power is in our hands, not theirs.

As for those lucky bastards who get to be our mates, we don't owe you anything, you owe us. WE have to suffer their mothers, so if they want to remain with us, better make it worth. Oh, and "she's far away" is not an acceptable excuse unless that "far away" equals six feet under.

2 comments:

Dragonfly said...

Well... I really thing this is the most important thing "WE are not a copy of them nor will we ever be. It's our way or the highway"

XOXO

Storm Bunny said...

It's so upsetting because many of these women actually have "trained" their boys to believe that "only Mom's way is the right way". I think women dating or in a relationship with men like that should leave them. Evidently, the guy doesn't love her, he only wants a surrogate mother.